Just the other day, I was doing a satellite interview from Portland for a station in Canada. I couldn’t see the other side of the satellite feed but the host told me, “There’s someone in the audience who wants to say hello!” And in the background I could here one of my favorite sex experts, Sheila Wray Gregoire. We were doing the same show…just a thousand or so miles apart. Today, she’s here and sharing a research project you’ll definitely want to know about.
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You crawl into bed. Your husband is lying beside you, facing away. Is he asleep? Is he waiting for me to make a move? How long has it been anyway? I guess I really should.
Hardly sexy, is it? In fact, obligation sex is distinctly unsexy. So maybe some women need a new way of looking at it.
Sex isn’t just for him; sex is something that benefits you, too! Here’ the 4 benefits of making love — for you:
1. You Feel More Intimate
Often the reason that we don’t want to make love is because we feel distant.
But do the close feelings come before sex, or does sex bring the close feelings? Most of us feel closer after we make love. And sex is designed to bring us together! We release hormones during sex that help us to “bond”. So if you’re feeling distant, maybe the solution is to make love, rather than to wait to feel closer first.
2. You Sleep Better
If you’ve been avoiding sex because you’re exhausted, maybe you’ve been making the problem worse. Sex often works better than sleeping pills to help you drift off, and it helps you to sleep deeper.
Some nights when I know it’s been a while, and I know we should really make love, I say no because I’m so tired. Those are usually the nights I toss and turn and can’t sleep. Now when I’m really exhausted, I say to my husband, “Put me to sleep, baby.” Works every time!
3. You Feel Like Your Marriage is Stronger
Sex helps you to feel like your relationship is secure. When you make love, you cement it together again. Sex makes you feel protected. It makes you feel loved. It makes you feel like you have a future together.
On the days after you make love, you smile slyly at each other because you have this secret. You can giggle with each other more. You touch each other more. I’ve heard it said, “sex isn’t the icing on the cake; it’s the oil that keeps the engine going.” When we don’t make love, our relationship can get clogged up. Isn’t it better to have it humming along?
4. Your Toes Curl
Let’s not forget the final part: sex feels wonderful! Now, maybe for you it doesn’t yet. That’s okay. As I found in the surveys for The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, it can take a decade or so of marriage for sex to work like clockwork. So if you’re not there yet, don’t despair. Just turn it into the most fun research project you can do with your husband.
If you’re feeling exhausted, and feeling distant from your husband, and feeling tense, then instead of saying, “do I have to?“, why not say instead, “Let’s do it!”
Sheila teaches how to have a marriage that rocks on SheilaWrayGregoire.com.
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