The Duty To Talk & Listen
Jean-Alain and Francoise welcomed me into their home in Mauritius, served tea, delicious desserts and
lunch. We talked about love, life and what they believe to be the secret to a happy marriage.
An hour or so into the interview, I asked Francoise if having four children in succession, and then a fifth 7 years later, was tough for her. You bet it was. She was exhausted. At one point, she had “a terrible breakdown” because she was so tired. And what helped her through it is something I’d never before heard about.
They were a part of a couples group through their church. Every month, she and her husband were required to sit down together and talk about everything on their heart; the good, the bad, their disappointments, hope for the future and contentment (or lack thereof) with the present. Nothing was off limits and each spouse would share their heart with their spouse.
After their “duty to sit down and talk,” as translated into English since I couldn’t quite understand the name they called it in French, they would get together with five or six other couples once a month who were doing the same. They’d rotate homes and after having a glass of wine and eating a lite meal or snack, they’d commence sharing with each other much of what came out of their monthly “sit down.”
Of course, they couldn’t share everything, but they would share enough to learn about the challenges each other faced in marriage and to encourage and learn from one another. Their church provided them with a “study guide” that listed common challenges in marriage and asked the couples to share their thoughts on each subject.
The more they talked about this, the more I wanted to fly home and start a group just like it. And after starting my own, encourage wives all over the world to do the same. Then reality hit and I realized I was only at the 4th city in my 12-country journey.
Jean-Alain, Francoise and each of these couples have remained best friends over all these years. They met monthly for 15 years and then continued getting together as friends but not around a specific agenda. By that point, they all felt strong in their marriage. To this day, they all go on a group vacation once a year.
There is a Doug Larson quote I love, “More marriages would survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” While they were sharing with me this group, I wondered how many couples would have figured out how to work it out, grow and love again if they’d not rushed to considering divorce. I wondered, if groups like this, could quite possibly be one of the solutions to keeping families together and encouraging each other to continue loving one another and falling in love over and over throughout their lifetime.
Question: What do you think about this concept of meeting with a group of couples, who are also close friends, to discuss love, marriage and life, and to encourage each other?
Join me Friday as I share a bit more of my time with Jean-Alain and Francoise in Mauritius. Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
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Fawn Weaver
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