Happy Marriages Are Only Possible With This One Thing

By Fawn Weaver on Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Happy Marriages Are Only Possible

You probably already know this but it doesn’t take much to inspire me.  If you were to ask my husband, friends or family, they’d all tell you (likely while chuckling at the very thought of it) I’m quite easily inspired.  

I look for the beauty all around me; in people, trees, flowers, the rising and setting of the sun and anything else I encounter in the world.  I’m also inspired greatly by you.

Emails I receive from many of you daily (even if I can no longer reply to them all) continue to keep the fire burning and inspire me to do better and to be better.  

Then there are times when I’m inspired by the least likely suspect: People who leave rude, vulgar or unkind comments. 

It might seem odd to be inspired by those who come across as incredibly rude or those who leave unkind and vulgar comments, but that is exactly what inspired today’s post.  A few days ago, I received this comment from someone clearly not a part of this club and just passing through:

“You ladies are only lying to yourself. LOL. Stepford Wives over here. Keep swallowing all that $%@! pretty soon it won’t smell so bad, since you’ll be drowning in it…” (I’ve taken the liberty of replacing the profanity in her comments with characters instead.)

It wasn’t for a couple days before I saw the comment but chose to respond in spite of the attacking nature of it.

“Sorry you’re a Stepford Wife. I can’t join you in that, however, because that simply isn’t my life. I do, however, love being married and adore my husband to pieces. You and I just have two very different lives…and that’s okay. That’s what makes the world go round. Wishing you the best!”

Her response to that comment: “Right so happy that you spend all your time online bragging and posting a response to everyone on here…not buying your $%@!. Get a life. Anyways I gotta get ready to go to the park with my kid. Marriage is awesome and sometimes we want to run for the hills….However people who act like things are perfect are the ones living in denial…much like you. I stay clear of people like you who present an image and feel the need to get fulfillment through social media. Desperate if you ask me…but then again I’m a realist. Tata stepford wife!”

My second and final response to her shared something I believe greatly and every bit of science and research has supported: Happy marriages are only possible if both spouses make a moment-by-moment choice to be happy.  Happiness, no matter how we slice, is a choice.  Couples who are genuinely happy make a decision to love, honor, cherish, respect and be grateful for each other daily.  These are their personal decisions and they are rewarded handsomely for them.

It’s that simple.  And yet incredibly difficult for many.

I then closed my response with something I believe to be worth repeating here: “I do not believe perfection in marriage exists. It can’t because it involves two imperfect people. But there are happily married couples all over the world and I’ve traveled to 6 continents to meet and interview them. Perfect they are not. In love and happy after decades and decades of marriage…they most certainly are.  Wishing you the best and so happy we can agree that marriage is awesome (and never perfect).”

Marriage cannot and never will be perfect but you have the power to make it perfect for you…and just flat out amazing!  You have the power to create the marriage of your dreams each and every waking moment of your day.  I’m enjoying my journey.  What about you?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

 

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are snarky, offensive, or off-topic. If in doubt, read My Comment Policy
  • mrsguags

    I don’t see it as bragging. Some people are just very lucky to have a completely happy marriage ;) I adore my husband and its 100% reciprocal. Always kind words are exchanged. Too good to be true. The way it should be!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      I LOVE that! That is definitely the way it should be.

  • Stephanie Martin-Rowe

    I love your approach towards the negative comments. Some think that their unfulfilled experiences with love mean that everyone else’s love is like that. No marriage is perfect, but that is the beauty in it. You learn each other’s quirks over time, and when there is a storm in the relationship, you learn how to dance with one another. It sounds like when there is a storm in her relationship, someone gets left out in the rain alone. That makes me very sad. Thank you for this blog and continue being awesomely positive and full of love!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thank you so much, Stephanie! And yes, there is most certainly beauty in all our imperfections. And it sounds like you, like me, chose someone who loved you quirks, flaws and all. What an amazing feeling that is. Cheers!

  • http://www.osasandgodwin.com osas R.

    hey fawn!!
    i saw the comments too! and i was soo heartbroken, how can a fellow woman be that cruel. i felt that she was not only attacking you but me.
    i know how this club has helped me in my journey as a wife to the most wonderful husband. i am been so blessed by all the posts and inspire by each and everyone of the writerS on this blog.
    you have changed my life and i will forever BE grateful for all i have learnt from you and other writers

    keep doing what you know how to do best.
    God bless
    OSAS

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Wow, Osas. Your words…so kind…and encouraging! To even be a part of the major changes that have happened in your life and marriage is amazing. I am so grateful.

  • Melanie

    Well said!!! Turn the negative into positive!!!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thanks, Melanie!

  • Mrs Petty

    I was in a bad marriage for too many years. I am now married to someone who loves and respects me, and he is my world. It sounds to me like your nasty commenter isn’t happily married. She sounds like me in my first marriage. I hated reading people’s posts about how happy they were and how awesome their husband is because I found it annoying, but the truth was it was jealousy. I feel sorry for her.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      That’s an interesting observation, especially from someone who has first hand experience. Thanks for sharing that as it does shine some light on why some respond to positivity so negatively.

      • Michelle

        I would just wonder how desperate she is? She commented about social media, but she too is on social media for some reason, maybe even she isn’t sure what that reason is yet. Not knowing why some seem so happy and enjoy their life while you are struggling is often hard to understand and reason and the first defense of your own situation is to lash out at someone else’s. I believe it is people like this that need love and prayer the most.

      • Megan James

        It’s very true. What is in the heart comes out of the mouth. She sounds so bitter. :(

  • MarriednNaked

    It makes me sad that interacting online, rather than face to face, gives some people the belief that they can treat people poorly and say mean things. Things they would probably never have the nerve to say to your face.

    I do my best to surround myself with positivity. In a world of endless negativity I crave the happy stories. That is what Happy Wives Club does for me. It reminds me that this world if full of beauty and happiness.

    Thank you for all you do!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thank YOU! This world is certainly full of beauty and happiness…as long as we’re always on the look out for the former and are creating the latter. ((HUGS))

  • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

    Oh Fawn. That was such a mean thing to say..you responded with such grace.

    it grates me when people think that happiness means one is living in denial of some sort. Happiness and perfection aren’t the same thing. Happiness is a choice..something you work at every single day. Keep on shining! You are a blessing to many.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thanks, Ngina! How are you and your husband? I hope life is absolutely wonderful!

      • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

        It’s wonderful Fawn, blessed of God! Thanks for asking! Be blessed!

  • Mrs Brown

    I love married life!! we have been together 14 years (1year married this past Sep.) we have a very happy marriage / relationship. everyday is fun for us we are laughing at something or just enjoying each others company. Mrs Petty is right about the “not so nice commenter” being jealous. one of my husbands cousin went thru a nasty breakup and when my husband and I would laugh and have fun together, she would always have the negative comments and such. fortunately now she is happily married and in much better spirits. I hope for this other person can find happiness in her life. life is to shout to be that unhappy!!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      So happy that your husband’s cousin can now enjoy being in your company because she is now happily married. That’s a beautiful thing. And congrats by the way!

  • krystal

    I think, from what I’ve experienced, that when you are truly happy in your marriage and you feel that you are one another’s “perfect” and you’re happy to share how lucky you are for such an amazing partner in life, you get one of two people…1) those few who are truly happy for you, those who are not waiting for you to fail and believe that true love exists and are supportive of your hard work to keep your marriage in a place of true happiness and fulfillment. OR 2) those who question how real it is…those who say, “just wait…I thought I had a great spouse and then I was cheated on…you cant trust anyone…you should really protect yourself and have an alternate plane if things go sour and not only do they not support you BUT they also are waiting for the moment when they can say “I told you so” and believe it was all hooey anyway.

    It is SOOOO nice to read this article! I know what it’s like for people to look at me like I have four heads, not believing that we can possibly have that awesome of a marriage, or that we are bragging just because we actually speak out about how lucky we are for this relationship we’ve worked so hard on to protect by the choices we’ve made, the people we hang around and the care we give to one another individually. I think the majority do not believe it’s real…they are just waiting for us to fail, as if it does not exist. It’s sad and often times frustrating.

    I am so very lucky…I met my husband in HS at the tender age of 16. I will be celebrating my 33rd birthday next month…we are still together. We recently celebrated our 10 yr anniversary. We’ve had our own version of hell with the death of our first child and the years of illness of anther, which lead to two brain surgeries. We have had MANY reasons to fall apart, to fail…but we didn’t…we only grew stronger! WE love each other more now than the day we took our vows. Fast forward a few years later…we have three beautiful healthy children and a marriage that is rock solid…something I can count on and is an amazing foundation for our children. I have everything I need in life. It is NOT perfect…I am not perfect…he is not perfect…BUT…we are “OUR perfect”. We have a roof over our head, my husband has a great job, I’m lucky enough to stay at home with my children until they are all in school full time and we are all now healthy. We really couldn’t ask for more. As far as needs go…they are all met. Of course we all have “wants”…bigger house, better car and so on but if you get caught up in all the bigger and betters and keeping up with the “jones’s” then you’ll never find happiness and you’re missing the point entirely…you’re missing your life and you moment of true happiness. To be happy, is to be greatful <3

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      17 years together after meeting in High School? You had the odds stacked against you and you prevailed. Love stories like yours, Krystal! Thanks for sharing it here. <3

    • Megan James

      Love your “OUR perfect” That is exactly how I view my marriage. Thanks for sharing :)

  • Me

    When my husband married me, I was a single mom with three young children. My first husband left when I was nine months pregnant with our third….and I went spiraling into depression. It ended up being a blessing in disguise because I am now married to an honorable, hilarious, hard-working man who adores me. Thing is, neither one of us knew what was ahead. With him, I had two more children. And last year, after baby #5 I became so physically ill, I thought I was dying. After months of testing which always came out normal, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, ptsd and anxiety….and later diagnosed as soft bipolar. Then it all made sense. Before my husband married me, God whispered to him that our marriage would be a labor of love. And it has been. Through my mental illness, my husband has continued to cheerfully, patiently love me through my suicidal thoughts, darkness and despair. When I was not able to “choose to be happy” – he was happy for the both of us. And it was no easy task. I am doing better now, taking medication and feeling alive again….truly happy. There is nothing greater than having a companion by your side through the sunny days and the darkest nights. Like the previous commenter, I used to be jealous in my first marriage when I heard others talk about their adoring husbands. Now I have one. If only everyone could experience that kind of selfless, all-encompassing love.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Wow. All I can say is wow. Thank you so much for sharing this. <3

  • Nina Warren

    I felt like that too. I thought that marriage was a hard job. That snide comments about everything I did, said, didn’t do, wore, pretty much everything were the norm for me. I knew that my marriage wasn’t like my parents but I just saw theirs as an old fashioned ideal that was no longer relevant. I’m now married to a wonderful man who does, every single day, what he promised on our wedding day. I am so thankful for him. I can be myself around him, I can tell him anything. I know what it feels like to be an outsider listening to people’s account of their perfect husband and their perfect marriage and feeling like telling them that they are deluded. When I tell people how happily married I am I do it because I can’t quite believe how fortunate I am. Thank you for sharing these insights xx

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Love this perspective, Nina. It’s interesting that when a person says, “I’m happy,” no one thinks twice about it. But say, “I’m happily married,” and that invited cynicism. I wonder why that is?

      • Nina Warren

        I used to work with two women who claimed to be happily married, they both had young children and on nights out with the rest of the girls, some married, some engaged and some just living with their partners, they were the only two who flirted with and, in one case, passionately kissed random men. I thought that if you were happily married the only man you would have time for us your husband. When I was married before I would look at other men I knew and think about what it would be like to be married to them instead. I always thought that there was something better for me just around the corner but when I met my husband I stopped looking because I knew that I couldn’t find anyone better than him. I think the problem is that a lot of people who say they are happily married exaggerate how wonderful they have it. My marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s perfect for me and I’m proud to be a member of the Happy Wives Club.

        • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

          Woohoo! So happy to have you as a member, Nina!

  • Megan James

    New here. Love this post!! I try to not post too many ‘mushy’ things about my husband or our marriage on social media simply for the fact that I know there are many people out there that do not have a happy marriage and they get bitter when they see the posts of others that do. What is in the heart comes out of the mouth. Sadly, there are bitter hearts out there.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      There are so many bitter hearts out there. And the crazy part is the only thing that will heal them…is love.

  • Kathleen Mensinger

    What I find interesting is that she “stopped in” at all. There was something that drew her… a need…. I pray that God will grow the seed that was planted by her reading your post.
    I have heard that a woman who is “loved well” … “Loves well.” Most days I can get that “loved well” from my husband along with Jesus. But some days? Some days it’s all about drawing from Jesus. When I am not being loved well from my husband, I have to run straight into the arms of Jesus because if I don’t, the enemy will surely put some other man in my path that will gladly aid me in the destruction of my marriage. Protect your marriages ladies!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      I found that interesting too, Kathleen. But you’re right, there must have been something that drew her here and I hope she comes back and finds something that truly encourages her. Thanks for that reminder.

  • Ama

    My husband and I met within a few years of divorcing very similar creatures. We’d been through similar versions of hell in our marriages, so we very much understood each other’s hearts. We’re now coming up on a decade and couldn’t be happier. It’s amazed me how outsiders have waited for us to crumble, however–people who have experienced so much divorce and infidelity in their lives and circles that they no longer believe happy marriages are possible. It used to sadden me that they seemed to wait on the sidelines for the moment they could say “I told you so!” But now it serves as a constant reminder that we can inspire THEM–by showing them a new, imperfect, but beautiful definition of what marriage can be. When they’re around, I find myself appreciating my husband all the more. Love it when critical ppl actually inspire us!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      We were just talking about this yesterday! My husband and I were having lunch with a couple married nearly 50 years and they were saying just this about us and how we are able to inspire this generation of young people coming up that think that marriage is something to be honored and cherished because when you do it, you can create the most amazing marriage possible. Yes, we all inspire those around us. What an honor. Thanks, Ama.

    • Happier

      It’s such a beautiful exoneration when you are with someone committed to the same principles, who reciprocates kindness and consideration within marriage. It vindicates your character as time passes and your true commitment to marriage becomes evident… as past sorrow subsides and true happiness replaces each former memory. People like you gave me hope that happy second marriages were a possible reality. It made me happy to see their sorrow overturned with new hope, and promised me that my future could be brighter. And now, it is. God bless!!

  • Brandace Schubert

    I don’t see it as bragging. I realize posting on ones private life is not for everyone, some people like their privacy, and they could very well be just as happy as I am… I, however, am the type of person that wants everyone to know how I am feeling- good or bad. And when my husband does something sweet for me or he looks especially handsome that day or even just because I feel like it, I want to shout from the rooftops how I feel about him. Not so I can brag, but because I’m very much in love and want him to always be reminded and want everyone else to know. My marriage is just as important to me as my children, and people are always posting about their children, so why can’t we also post about our spouses?

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Love this response, Brandace! I always wondered why it’s embraced for women to post wonderful things their children do but not their spouses. Great point.

  • Sheena

    I’m sure many people believe that my husband and I have a perfect marriage because I talk him up all the time. Neither my husband no I are perfect and neither is our marriage. When I talk to friends and family I only tell them about the positive parts of our marriage because honestly, our fights and disagreements are no one else business. I make a point of not running to my best friend or mom every time we have a fight. Other people don’t need to be involved in our marriage. I understand some people do and no disrespect to them at all, but this is how I help to keep my marriage healthy.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      What is beautiful about your marriage is it is yours and yours alone. And what you share or don’t share is most certainly your business.

  • http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com/ Jeffrey Dowling

    How I was able to get my husband back from those home breaker

    Am Linda Henrik i was married to my husband for 5 years we were living happily together for this years and not until he traveled to England for a business trip where he met this girl and since then he hate me and the kids and love her only. so when my husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to Italy to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating good because my mother got married to another man after my father death so the man she got married to was not treating her well, i and my kids where so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back home because i love and cherish him so much so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a testimony about this spell caster Dr Brave testimonies shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me so much i also think of give it a try. At first i was scared but when i think of what meand my kids are passing through so i contact him and he told me to stay calm for just 48 hours that my husband shall come back to me and to my best surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking after the kids and i called Dr Brave and he said your problems are solved my child. so this was how i get my family back after a long stress of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from Dr Brave , i want you all on this forum to join me to say a huge thanks to Dr Brave , and i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him his email is )(bravespellcaster@gmail.com)he is the solution to all your problems and predicaments in life. once again his email address is (bravespellcaster@gmail.com,or kindly visit he Website: http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/)

    HE IS SPECIALIZE IN THE THE FOLLOWING SPELL.

    (1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) If you want to be promoted in your office.
    (3) If you want a child.
    (4) If you want to be rich.
    (5) If you need financial assistance.
    (6) if you want to stop your divorce.
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    once again make sure you contact him if you have any problem he will help you. his email address is (bravespellcaster@gmail.com,or kindly visit he Website: http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/) contact him immediately

  • http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com/ Jeffrey Dowling

    How I was able to get my husband back from those home breaker

    OMG…… You’ve told my story….. my name is Mrs Elizabeth Mayberry and am From California,United States ,i am hear to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce.then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 2 days my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that Dr Brave casted on him that make him comeback to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Brave for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend, ex lover and girlfriend to contact Dr Brave with this via EMAIL:bravespellcaster@gmail.com or kindly visit he website http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/ , and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.

  • Michelle Colecchi Vancas

    My husband is not perfect and neither am I. But we love, respect, support, champion and take care of each other and our relationship. We’ve been married 35 1/2 years and are looking forward to our future. Be patient with each other and kind. Think about your words. There are some things you can’t take back so be careful of what and how you say things. Mean and condescending don’t belong in any relationship. Be partners, as we have been and are – for life!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      This is such great advice, Michelle! I wish I could take it and post it here: http://www.happywivesclub.com/what-is-your-best-marriage-advice/. In that post from earlier today, I asked for women married 20+ years (like you) to share their best advice to those new in marriage. This is perfect for that post! Thank you for sharing.

  • Happier

    Beautiful and very uplifting. Virtually every comment is so supportive, provides wonderful community and healthy reinforcement of what we cherish and believe in… loving others beginning with those closest to our hearts, our hubbies… and keeping them there! Hand in hand & Heart to heart!

  • Katherina

    I want to appreciate Dr.Kasee of ONIMALOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM for bringing back my husband who left me and the kids for almost 2 years. i never taught i would never get him back untill i saw a comment online about dr. Kasee and i contacted him, after following all instruction given to me by Dr.Kasee, my husband came back begging for forgiveness within the space of 48hours. Thanks doctor your spell is really great. For those of you who have marriage/relationship problem should contacct him for hel via onimalovespell@gmail.com . And experience it your self.

  • Keti

    I enjoy your articles they have become my new bride essentials. Can any married woman here help please. My husband and I have only been married 5 months I assumed we would still be in the honeymoon stage but it seems we skipped that. My husband has a very demanding job and literally works 14 hrs mon to Friday, he is an amazing provider and dad to my children but it seems the things he used to do romantically and attention wise are gone. I don’t know what to do. I’m waiting at the door with dinner and Pom pom when he gets off and he has dinner, grabs the remote and is sleep shortly after. I miss my mushy Facebook posts from him, random I love you’s, etc its minor things…I’ve told him but he does not seem to think he has changed some I don’t want to be a nag. Please help

    • Anne

      Grab the book “The 5 Love Languages”! My husband and I lived together for 5 years before marriage. At times we grew so apart we felt like roommates and nearly split up. When I FINALLY figured out his love language, everything changed. I had felt so lonely and rejected, but soon after I figured out his love language and started using it, he started expressing love in my love language!

      This may be a season of life where he needs to focus more on work. How can you help him with this burden? Can you contribute to family income so he is able to work fewer hours? How can you help him relax both mind and body? He must be exhausted!

  • Daniella Pal

    I had a problem with my boyfriend 6 months ago, which lead to our broke up. When he broke up with me, i was not myself again; i fill so empty inside me. Until a friend of mine told me about a spell caster who helped her in the same problem too. i email the spell caster and i told him my problem and i did what he asked of me, to cut the long story short. Before i knew what was happening, not up to 48 hours, my boyfriend gave me a call and he come back to me and told me he was sorry for everything that happen,i am so greatful to this spell caster and will not stop publishing his name on the net for the good work he is doing.If you need his help,you can email him at onimalovespell@gmail.com and he will also help you too Dr Kasee of onimalovespell@gmail.com or tel +2347051705853 i will forever be greatful to you.

  • Daniella Pal

    My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went online there I saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email is onimalovespell@gmail.com so I had to contact him and in just 4days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man I got married to.I cant thank the spell caster enough what what he did for me, I am so grateful. I even spoke to the spell caster over the phone, to confirm his existence. His email again is: onimalovespell@gmail.com