Marriage & Money

Please Note: This blog post is a part of a six-part series, School of Marriage. If you missed the last four days, feel free to catch up here: Marriage & Politics: Will They Ever Mix Well?, Let’s Talk About Sex, Mastering Your Husband’s Love Language and Just Be Open.

Did you know a report from 1995 stated the average American spends puts more than $1,300 on credit for every $1,000 made in income and maintains $7,000 in credit card debt? Can you imagine how much higher that number is now? There’s a great quote I’ve heard about our propensity to spend more than we make, “When your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.”

It doesn’t take a mathematician to see if you spend more than you make, you will perpetually be in debt. Like a hamster on a wheel, going round and round, hoping to go somewhere and yet never seeming to be able to get beyond exactly where you are. I’ve met so many families who could truly make an impact in the world…if they could simply get off that wheel.

There’s something about finances that completely consume us. I don’t know what it is and if you know, please enlighten me. But it’s a stress like none other. It’s the largest weight most people wear around their necks. And not just finances, but debt in particular. It’s all-consuming. Been there, done that, I can relate with you one-hundred percent.

If you’ve been struggling in your finances for a long time, as I once was, I’d highly recommend going back and reading the series I did a couple months ago entitled, Recession-Proof Your Marriage. I gave a step-be-step plan to getting out and staying out of debt. You can begin here with Step One.

Today’s post, however, isn’t about paying off debt. It’s about understanding how you can help improve your family’s financial outlook. Even if you don’t work outside the home, there are still ways you can greatly impact your financial situation. Simple things. Finding ways to cut expenses. I’ve seen so many stay-at-home mom bloggers with great tips on how to cut down overall expenses from groceries to laundry bills.

I won’t attempt to write a list here because there are so many. However, if you simply search online for different ways to save money, you’ll find no shortage of answers. I Googled, “get groceries for less,” and a plethora of articles popped up showing me how. Here’s one I thought was pretty good: Get It For Less: Groceries. Just last week, I came across a blog where a mom of 4 blog entirely about how she feeds her family on less than $50/wk.

I’ve even come across moms online who have decided to begin making their own laundry detergent because the store bought kind can get to be so expensive. The bottomline is get creative. There are many ways to save money. And there are also creative ways to earn money if you’re a SAHM (I wrote about a few ideas here in Step 8 of the Recession-Proof Your Marriage series).

More importantly than figuring out how to reduce expenses (although that is incredibly important) is coming up with a plan to begin eliminating your family’s debt immediately. Here are a few thoughts that come to mind when thinking about you as I’m writing this post:

1. Financial challenges are more often than not a catalyst for marital problems if you don’t first put an effective plan in place that allows you to fight against it together rather than fight each other because of it.

2. Throughout your lifetime, money will come and go. That is the nature of it. But your marriage, if cherished, is built to last. Investing in your marriage and family will yield far greater returns than any monetary investment. Remember that these financially troubled times are temporary. Your relationship will last far beyond these trying times.

3. Money does not define you. How much you have in your bank account now is no indication of your family’s financial health in the future. With a solid plan to pull your family out of debt, your path to financial freedom will illuminate much faster than you ever thought possible.

4. Men are hardwired to want to provide. They want to protect. Your husband doesn’t want you to feel the weight of the world but sometimes his shoulders are not large enough to carry it alone. You are a team. Lend him your shoulders and assure him you’re in this fight together…until the very end.

5. Your husband needs you. When it comes to financial challenges, he may not say it, but he desperately needs you. It can be lonely out there trying to figure out how to solve a mounting problem like debt all by himself. Be available. Let him know it’ll be okay. Let him know you’re not going anywhere, you have faith in your family and your marriage.

And for those of you who work for a living, the most important thing you can do is work together with your husband and never attack him. If he makes less than you, this is an even more important point. We cannot forget how men are wired. If they feel as though they cannot provide, they will feel like they are less than a man. It’s about teamwork. Take the time to let him know today that you’re both on the same team, fighting the same fight, and you will prevail together.

When discussing marriage and finances, my prevailing thought is this: Healthy finances are important. But not nearly as important as a healthy marriage. No matter how trying the times may be for you financially, resolve today to not allow that to adversely impact your marriage. Get into the trenches together and you will overcome this adversity together. What God has joined together, let no man…nor money…put asunder.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 1 million women in over 110 countries around the world. She’s an investor in real estate, tech sector and lifestyle brands. When she’s not writing or working, she's happily doting over her husband of twelve years, Keith (and sometimes manages to do all three simultaneously).