Love Is Not Love Until... | Happy Wives Club

Love Is Not Love Until…

“Love is not love until love’s vulnerable.” -Theodore Roethke

This past weekend, I was reminded of an all too important truth: one of the greatest offensive strategies to avert senseless arguments is remaining vulnerable. Keith did something that really disappointed me. So much so, that I responded in an out of character way that hurt him.

I felt as though he hadn’t fully recognized my disappointment. On the other hand, my response was all he could focus on because he spends so much time trying to ensure my happiness (he really is the most loving husband ever) and felt as though I was showing a lack of appreciation in that regard.

While we were in the midst of the conversation, I found myself tempted to dig my heels in and hold my ground; determined to be right. Instead, I got up an went into the bathroom and determined I would remain vulnerable. As the great quote goes, “Marriage is a win-win or lose-lose proposition. Either both will win or both will lose but you can’t have it both ways.”

With this in mind, I emerged from the bathroom and apologized for not expressing my expectations better, which kept him from being able to meet them. I apologized for making him feel unappreciated. And then something happened neither of us could have seen coming.

I began to cry. And not a pretty cry; an ugly, can barely talk or breathe kind of cry. He immediately jumped up and ran over to where I was standing and wrapped me in his arms. He stroked my hair and apologized for not communicating well either.

I remained vulnerable which allowed him to assume his favorite role of protector. If Keith had things his way, he’d shield me from every potential hurt or disappointment in this world. The last thing he ever wants to do is be the inflictor of either. In that crucial moment, where our conversation could have escalated from calm discussion to a heated disagreement, I was reminded of this fact I know to be true.

Question: Has there been a time recently where instead of remaining vulnerable, you dug your heels in and determined you would be right? How do you think it could have turned out if you’d remained open instead?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 1 million women in over 110 countries around the world. She’s an investor in real estate, tech sector and lifestyle brands. When she’s not writing or working, she's happily doting over her husband of twelve years, Keith (and sometimes manages to do all three simultaneously).