Keeping a Scoreless Marriage

So often I’m reminded not to keep score when it comes to marriage. When my husband does something unintentional that hurts or disappoints me, not to keep score and allow that to impact the moments and days following that infraction. I remind myself of how wonderful he is and how he never means to say or do anything to hurt me. Of this, I am certain.

Years ago, Keith said something that has always stayed with me. When giving another couple advice about marriage he told them he always “presumes innocence” when it comes to me and our relationship. He knows I love and adore him more than anything in this world. But he also recognizes I’m deeply flawed as a human being and he’s also not without fault. None of us are perfect so we’ve long decided to accept each other’s differences and to never keep score when one does something wrong.

But recently I realized I’m not as diligent with not keeping score when I do something right. When I take out the trash instead of waiting for Keith to do it. When I clean up the house or do laundry, even when my work day has been as jam packed as his, I look for a gold star. I didn’t realize this until more recently. When I do something, I want his recognition. When I’m deciding if I’ll do something I know he’d appreciate but would be a bit of an inconvenience for me, I sometimes take inventory of what I’ve most recently done and make my decision from there. That’s a flawed thought process. Thank goodness I now realize that.

I am reminding myself daily that all I give to my husband is just that, a gift. All I do for our household is not only for him but is also for me. I have to remember keeping a scoreless marriage means not keeping “score” of not only what my husband does wrong, but also of what I do right.

QUESTION: When you do things for your husband or even around the house, do you look for him to give you “gold stars” or do you give of your time and love because you know he would do the same for you?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 1 million women in over 110 countries around the world. She’s an investor in real estate, tech sector and lifestyle brands. When she’s not writing or working, she's happily doting over her husband of twelve years, Keith (and sometimes manages to do all three simultaneously).