Discussions vs. Arguments

I have a confession to make. And please don’t hold this against me. My husband, Keith, and I don’t argue. Never have. He’s not perfect. And I’m certainly not perfect (this world could not contain my list of imperfections). We just do our best to understand each other and to always presume innocence.

I’m not the easiest person in the world. I’m strong, independent and opinionated. I’ve been an entrepreneur and/or manager of people for the past 17 years and set a pretty high bar of excellence for others, as well as myself.

That being said, when it comes to my husband, I do my best to remain patient and to presume innocence. I recognize my marriage as being the most important earthly relationship I will ever have and I treat it with the respect it deserves. My husband does the same.

I remember once when a good friend shared with her husband that Keith and I didn’t argue, he told her that was impossible. He said, “I’m going to ask Keith.” When he posed the question to Keith he was amazed at what he learned: With a great amount of patience, and the willingness to forgive even before a spouse makes the request, it is possible to ease into discussions instead of crashing into arguments.

Last week, I ran across Rene Syler’s website, Good Enough Mother, for the first time and a guest writer, William Jones, was speaking about the same thing in an article entitled: “Is My Marriage In Trouble.” I loved a list he included on the differences between a discussion and an argument. I immediately posted a note and asked if I could share that list with you.

So here’s what I’d LOVE to know from you. In marriage, do you consider there to be a difference between an argument and a discussion? Do you think arguments are necessary? Take a look at the below list and tell me if you agree with the various distinctions.

THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN ARGUMENT AND DISCUSSION:

1. A discussion = People take turns really listening to each other.

An argument = Everyone’s talking; nobody’s listening.

2. A discussion = Two people against a problem.

An argument = Two people against each other.

3. A discussion = Is about the situation at hand.

An argument = Is seldom actually about the thing being argued over.

4. A discussion = Is about an important issue.

An argument = Is seldom about anything except who’s right and who’s wrong.

5. A discussion =There are millions of good reasons to have one.

An argument = There is NO good reason to have one.

6. A discussion = Can solve a problem.

An argument = Never really solves anything.

7. A discussion = Ends when people agree on a solution.

An argument = Doesn’t end: it just waits to be brought up in the next argument.

8. A discussion = The people who solve the problem win.

An argument = Nobody wins.

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Question: If someone could teach you how to communicate with your husband in a way that allows you to express your thoughts, emotions and feelings without arguing, would you try it?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 1 million women in over 110 countries around the world. She’s an investor in real estate, tech sector and lifestyle brands. When she’s not writing or working, she's happily doting over her husband of twelve years, Keith (and sometimes manages to do all three simultaneously).