Choose Your Friends Wisely

I met Pat & Henry through newly-made friends in Cape Town, South Africa. When I had tea and dessert with Dot & Ken, Dot told me about the high amount of energy of her 70-yr old aunt. But even I wasn’t prepared for the couple who came to meet me. They looked decades younger than their birth certificates might claim. ”I can’t believe you’re 70 years old,” I told Pat. ”I’m not! I married an older man. I’m 67, Henry’s 72,” she quickly corrected me.

As soon as we sat down in the hotel restaurant, I knew exactly why Dot suggested I interview them on my journey around the world to discover the secret to a happy marriage. “We have a lot of fun,” Henry began after my inquiry regarding their energy and youth. “And the thing is, we don’t have to do anything to be happy. Our own company is plenty for us. We’re great friends, so even if we don’t go out around the town, it’s enough for us,” he began.

He shared all the beautiful things there are to do in Cape Town between enjoying all he wineries, walking along the beaches, eating at the endless number of restaurants, but they prefer to not do much of anything, “We can actually sit in each other’s company all day long and not be bored.”

They are friends. From the moment they sat down to dinner together, it was evident. They joke, play and laugh at each other’s expense, all while remaining completely respectful of each other. Pat calls Henry “Lovie.” Throughout our time of tea and dessert together, they looked into each other’s eyes, made one another smile more times than I can possibly count, and held hands as if today could be their last.

I wondered, out loud, if they’d always been this way. The answer was yes. “I remember a friend told me one day I was going to have to wake up from this bubble I was in and live in the real world.” I knew exactly what her friend meant because I’ve been given similar advice throughout my marriage. But I’ve refused to listen because the happiness in my marriage is what I’ve chosen and consequently created.

Keith and I, like Pat and Henry, have chosen our friends very carefully over the years. They’ve intentionally kept people close to them who are likeminded; those who put their marriage and family first. Those who, as Henry put it, are not destructive to one’s relationship or thoughts about one’s marriage. They will not sit in the company of a couple who are not respectful of one other.

Over the many years they’ve been married, they truly believe this has greatly impacted their relationship. They have spoken positively of each other and their marriage has turned out to be more than they could have ever hoped or dreamed.

Question: Do you intentionally choose friends who are good for you and your marriage? Have you had friends in the past who were destructive in this regard?

Join me here tomorrow for more from my interview in Cape Town, South Africa, and the fantastic advice from this couple happily married 47 years and counting. Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 1 million women in over 110 countries around the world. She’s an investor in real estate, tech sector and lifestyle brands. When she’s not writing or working, she's happily doting over her husband of twelve years, Keith (and sometimes manages to do all three simultaneously).