Author Archives: Maggie Reyes

About Maggie Reyes

Maggie Reyes is a Life Coach, Writer + the Founder of ModernMarried.com. Her romantic-yet-practical approach to wedded bliss has been featured on Project Happily Ever After, Daybreak USA, Cristina XMRadio and Military Spouse Magazine. When she’s not writing, working or creating pins for her fabulous Facebook Community, you can find her cuddling with her hubby, reading a romance novel or embracing how the words “over-achiever” and “TV Junkie” can still go in the same sentence, to describe the same person. Learn how to love like a newlywed no matter how long you have been married at ModernMarried.com.

The Marriage Effect: How Being Married Makes You Happier & How to Keep It That Way

13 Replies

Create the life you love with the love of your life. That’s the tagline of one of my favorite marriage blogs, ModernMarried.com.

Life coach, Maggie Reyes, is the founder and main writer on Modern Married and I’m always tickled pink when she hops over to Happy Wives Club to share some of her boundless energy.

I know you love her as much as I do because some of the most popular posts on this site -like this one shared 245,000 times and counting- were written by Maggie.

First she taught us about a daily vitamin, Vitamin F2, for our marriages and now she’s teaching us a slightly different version of the standard “Double D.”

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

_____________

We love a little research here at the Happy Wives Club and here is the scoop – study after study shows that being married not only results in more frequent and better quality sexual experiences, it also helps us sleep better and have significantly better mental and physical health.

That doesn’t mean marriage can’t be hard sometimes. A good marriage makes you happier but a bad marriage, as we all know, can have an equally profound negative effect on different areas of your life.

This is one of the reasons we celebrate, encourage and model what happy marriages look like. Because we don’t just want you to become a member of the club. We want you to remain a member for years to come.

If you are wondering how marriage makes you happier, beyond the obvious things we know and see every day, here is one fun side-effect of marriage:

Holding your husband’s hand relieves pain.

A study at the University of Virginia studied brain scans that showed that wives holding their husband’s hand reduced the appearance of stress and had calmed the same regions of the brain that an analgesic drug does (think Tylenol or Advil).

Great excuse to hold hands right now, right?

Overall, being married still has a huge impact on your happiness.

I know you can feel that every day, but scientifically, studies also show that for the average person, the quality of their marriage is the factor with the second highest correlation with their life satisfaction (behind genetics) – so finding ways to be happy in your marriage will affect your entire life.

Want to stay married and stay happy?

Go Double D: Date Nights & Deep Conversations

These two simple things will increase both your happiness levels and your marriage satisfaction.

It has been proven over and over again that couples that have new experiences together release the same chemicals in their bodies they had when they were dating – bringing back that newlywed feeling.

This does not have to be complicated. Even if it’s just going to the new burger place around the corner, trying new things will gradually increase both your set point for happiness and your level of satisfaction in your marriage.

Think of easy, doable things as simple as going to a different grocery store or driving back home a different way – whatever you ARE doing right now, see how you can tweak it to add some novelty to it. And I always recommend starting small vs. not starting at all.

Having deep conversations is also important because time after time we see that couples that have intimate knowledge of each other’s lives feel happier, more connected and stay married.

The latest research is not only about couples, but in general – small talk was compared to deep intimate conversations and people who engaged in the deeper conversations reported much higher levels of happiness.

YOUR TURN: Have you noticed a great side-effect of marriage in your life that you didn’t expect? Share in the comments on our Facebook community page where thousands of women connect with each other daily.

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: We’ve already surpassed this number…but let’s just keep going! If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book line none other. Guaranteed.

Social Media and Your Marriage – How To Do It Right

13 Replies

If you’ve visited Happy Wives Club often over the years, you know we love Maggie Reyes of ModernMarried.com around these parts.

Her practical and transparent posts are just one of the reasons. Enjoy.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

___________

It seems like it was just yesterday when I wrote a post here setting up a few guidelines for using electronics at home. Only, it wasn’t even close to yesterday…ahem…it was a couple years ago. But let’s pretend it was and pick up here exactly where we left off, okay?

Before we dive into the deep blue waters of what to share and what not to share on social media, let’s look at some positive ways we can use electronics to connect with our honeys shall we?

First of all, let’s recognize that electronics – phones, tablets, computers etc are just tools – we can use them for good or for bad.

Texting is one of my favorite ways to stay connected to my hubby throughout the day when we are both busy and working.

Texting is a way of saying, “I am thinking about you. I love you. Let’s stay connected.”

My husband and I text once a day usually during lunch time. We are both busy and don’t want texting to be intrusive, just a loving reminder that we are in this together.

Webcams can be so useful if one of you is travelling. My favorite webcam story comes from a friend of mine who makes dinner then turns on the webcam and has dinner with her family hundreds of miles away. Whenever we travel for work, we webcam and it makes being away a lot easier.

One of my favorite things to see on the Happy Wives Club Facebook Page is husbands and wives tagging each other in posts or sharing on each other’s time lines. Facebook can be super romantic and loving and kind and we have evidence of that every day on the HWC page.

That being said – we have all heard stories of over sharing on social media or someone connecting with a friend from high school who should have stayed in the past. We all know that person who was bad news then and is likely to be worse news now.

So now that we know those stories, we can totally create our own personal Facebook (or other media) sharing and friending rules to keep us both happy and married.

Here are some examples:

>The way we make it work at my house is that the hubby has veto power whenever I want to share something personal.

>I tell him what I am sharing about and that includes him in the experience. It builds trust between the two of us for him to know, he is my first priority. It also builds connection as he gives his opinion and ideas over what to share.

>This will be different for every couple and each communication style, so I would recommend experimenting with this but it’s a great way to use social media to connect with each other first and then with your more extended friends, family and followers.

>I have a personal rule that has nothing to do with my husband and everything to do with my personal code of ethics, that I would never friend anyone who could potentially harm my relationship in anyway.

>If I have big news – the hubby is told first. Later I share it with my friends online. This is so huge because it’s how you connect every day that matters and how you share online or offline is really how you are prioritizing your life. So telling the hubby first, is not just about social sharing, it’s about prioritizing our marriage over all other relationships.

>Sometimes I also pause before I share something and ask myself “Whose story is this to tell?” If it’s my story, cool beans, but if it isn’t, I ask for permission, as in “Hey hubsicle, what you said just now was hilarious, can I post it so my friends can laugh too?”

Social media changes daily, we are all learning how to manage it in our lives. We would love to know if you have tried something that worked really well for your relationship so we can add it to our marriage tool box.

YOUR TURN: What you are doing right with social media and your marriage? Why is it working for you? Share with us on our Facebook community page.

The Best Marriage Advice We Ever Got

14 Replies

I must admit, I’m a bit of a ModernMarried.com stalker. I love the main blogger and chief encourager at MM, Maggie Reyes.

If you’ve visited Maggie’s blog, you know she has a gift for lifting the lowest spirits and shares her perspective on love with honesty and transparency but always without judgement.

She loves being married and her joy whenever she talks about marriage is infectious. I just want to rub a little of what she’s got all over the world every day.

As the saying goes, “Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting some on yourself.”

She is wonderful. She is a delight. And her marriage benefits from that spirit of happiness daily.

When I stumbled across her post on the best marriage advice she ever got, I wondered if it was the same as the best marriage advice I’ve ever received. It wasn’t. It was entirely different which made it even that much more interesting to me.

Now, I’m not sure which piece of advice I think is better. Maybe we’ll just call it a draw. Both are words of beauty, something we can add to our marriage each and every day.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

__________

When The Hubs and I were dating we went to a lot of workshops together. My favorite of all the different classes we did was about connecting with your heart. It was a 6 week class. I don’t remember the name of the teacher, the place where we took it or what we studied. All I remember from the class is one sentence. One, glorious and powerful sentence:

You create your relationship every day.

That’s it. So simple.

The teacher said that people wonder why relationships die. They go out with someone, it’s all fabulous in the beginning and then suddenly something happens. The relationship gets stale.

He went on to say, relationships do not get stale. People forget – you create your relationship every day. What people do is stop creating and then wonder what went wrong.

Well I guess if you count all that, it’s a whole paragraph. 6 week two hour class – and one paragraph was all I got. Oddly enough, it was all I needed.

We left that class and promised, solemnly swore even. We will create our relationship every day. We will not forget and go stale. We will be fresh. Every day.

Once we decided we create our relationship every day then the next question was – how?

We decided to text each other at least once a day. We don’t like to call each other during the day when we are both focused and working, however we religiously text each other at lunch time.

Texts go something like this:

Monday
Hubs: 1:05 pm Loving my over-scheduled wife kisses.
Hubs: 1:21pm Nashville soundtrack is out.
Wifey:1:33pm Yay! Itunes! Late lunch kisses!

Tuesday
Hubs: 12:14 pm Manipulative Assistant Ellis is out on Smash. New showrunner making changes.
Wifey: 12:18pm Yay!
Hubs: 12:12pm And more musicals, not just Bombshell
Wifey: 12:20pm Yes! They all need jobs on different musicals – more songs.
Wifey: 4:52pm Lovey dovey kisses for my hubsicle!

Wednesday
Wifey: 9:02 am Off to sort mail
Hubs:9:03 am Just whistle while you work

We have fun. We make each other laugh. Sometimes The Hubs reads Entertainment Weekly during his lunch time. He has declared himself my personal news-machine hence the updates on my favorite shows.

We create. Fresh Everyday.

Just like Starbucks and Krispy Kreme.

When we get home we hug. We stop whatever we are doing and hug.

Hugs are sacred.

Then we leave the day behind, change clothes, open the mail and start with our Daily Check-In.

We go on dates. When a new movie is coming out we ask each other out. We plan it. As if we were dating. Because we are.

We plan vacations. We love -with zeal and devotion- planning vacations. Not just the vacation itself, but the planning of it. I love beautiful hotels and magical experiences. The spiritual retreat with my favorite author. The acoustic concert with my favorite singer. The Hubs loves guide books and maps. We both love making memories together.

Whenever handed lemons, we promptly make lemonade. On a trip to Costa Rica we accidentally locked our keys in our car. (Notice that I say we. The details don’t matter, we are a team and it happened to both of us. That ‘we’ really helps when there is a lemon parade. ‘We’ got in this together and ‘we’ will get out of it.)

Anyway, as I was saying, there we were not going anywhere in Costa Rica. For several hours.
So we took a hike. Literally. We hiked up a hill. Saw cows. Laid in the grass and looked at clouds. Laughed and hugged.

One of my favorite memories ever was created when our keys were locked in our car.

Lemonade. It’s the new classic coke.

Fresh. Everyday.

COMMENTS: Name one thing you do to keep your relationship fresh. Drop your comment on the Happy Wives Club Facebook page where hundreds of thousands of women engage daily.

THE BOOK: Read the book that inspired the powerful TED talk and prompted author of The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman, PhD., to write the book’s foreword. Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, bestselling authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts said, “We’ve been counseling couples and writing marriage books for a long time, and we can say with absolute certainty, there has never been a book quite like The Argument-Free Marriage. If you think no such union exists, or if you’ve come to the conclusion that arguments are necessary in marriage, allow Fawn to challenge that notion and set you on a path to creating the greatest partnership in life: your marriage.”

7 Habits of Highly Happy Marriages

47 Replies

We all know that good habits can help us feel better, succeed at work, and get healthier. Happy marriages tend to have common practices just like thriving companies all do certain things well.

There are probably hundreds of little habits that help make our relationships healthy and happy – from putting caps on toothbrushes to saying good morning, but for today, let’s focus on 7 of the biggies.

Use these as a check list – if you are doing all of them, great! If not, pick one and start this week. And remember, habits can only be changed one day at a time.

1. Talk about your day. Every day. By creating little moments of connection, you are ensuring the “communication highway” in your relationship is free of roadblocks. Having little conversations every day, makes it much easier to have big conversations when those moments come. Habits are done daily. This one is non-negotiable if you want a healthy, happy relationship.

2. Kiss. Every day. Notice a theme? It’s not “kiss when you go on date” or “kiss when the kids aren’t around,” it’s “Kiss. Every day.” Marriage researcher John Gottman recommends a 6-second kiss every day. It should be long enough to feel romantic and will be like a love vitamin – nurturing connection and intimacy in your marriage.

3. Defer Decisions until you can talk about them privately. This means, you make an agreement with your spouse not to accept invitations, decline opportunities or give an answer to anyone about almost anything, until you have talked about it and made a decision together.

Over the years we’ve been married, my husband and I are now both trained to say, “Let me talk it over with my honey. I will get back to you,” whether it’s an invitation to the movies or a request to volunteer. This is a pro-active way to avoid disagreements, misunderstandings and resentment.

4. Prioritize. Make it clear to your spouse and to the world that your priority is your marriage. Knowing this makes it easier to make decisions every day.

Asking a question like “Will this nurture and develop my relationship or take me away from it?” or “Is this aligned with my priorities?” before you make a decision gives you the opportunity to step back and make sure you are moving in the direction you want to go before you make a commitment that can hurt your relationship.

5. Express Gratitude. Everyday. Expressing gratitude feels good to YOU because you are looking for the positive things to celebrate and acknowledge in every day. It feels good to your HUSBAND because he in turn, feels celebrated and acknowledged. If you are not in the habit of expressing gratitude, start with this step and read Fawn’s fabulous article about how to write a “Husband Gratitude List” here.

6. A.E.O.D: Accept Each Other’s Differences. Fawn wrote a great article about how important this is back in 2011. In it, she said, “Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that the qualities that make our spouses different are also what make them great.”

It really is okay if you never want to go bowling and he never wants to do yoga. I was recently interviewed for a podcast and we spent an hour talking about what to do when you and your spouse aren’t on the same page – the bottom line is that accepting each other’s differences is one of the keys to helping the relationship last, long after your passions for jobs, hobbies or other adventures has passed.

7. Give some Vitamin F2 every day. What is Vitamin F2, you ask? Flirt and Fun. And yes, I just made it up. We usually get instructions to *take* vitamins. How about giving some every day to the love of your life?

Think of marriage like a marathon, it’s long, you will get tired, and you need the water of motivation to keep you going. Laughing together and keeping that spark of flirtatious love alive will add a little joy to every day – even the hard ones.

These 7 habits will make the hard times easier to manage and fill the good times with so many happy memories that you can lean on those memories and good feelings when the hard times come. Now it’s your turn, what habit would YOU add to this list?

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

7 Ways to Turn Your Husband’s Bad Day Into a Good One

61 Replies

Do you ever wish you could wave a magic wand and solve all your hubby’s problems in one magical swoop? I know I do.

Even though I still haven’t found that magic wand, I have learned to collect tips and advice to add to my “how to cope with stress” toolkit so I can whip out that healing hammer whenever my husband is having a bad day.

Here are 7 easy ways to help turn your husband’s bad day into a good one. :

Give him space - When your husband has challenging days at work as often as mine does (his role requires frequent audits), you learn that some days he needs to talk and other days he just needs to turn on the Playstation and blow up some bad guys. Tell him, with words, that you are there for him and for anything he needs, then let him choose what would help the most.

Focus on the Good – If he is in the mood to talk, after he vents and lets the day go, find things to celebrate – even if it’s chocolate chip cookies for dessert or his favorite show on TV that night. The little things that make us smile can go a long way to cheer us up. Remembering how much we have to be thankful for is always a good idea.

Say Thank You – Thank him, for all his hard work and everything he does for you so that you can have a home together. Gratitude is a powerful force and when you shower it upon your husband, it has the power to instantly lift his mood and make him feel like the king of the world. And we all know hubbies love that, right?

Make him laugh – Don’t worry, you don’t have to be a comedian to do this, you can watch his favorite comedy on TV or funny videos on YouTube. For any Seinfeld fans, there is a hilarious guy on Twitter who writes tweets as if Seinfeld was still on the air. He tweets things like: “George tries to hide that despite seeing every episode he has no idea what’s happening on Game of Thrones. Elaine buys defective yoga pants.” You can find him here.

Touch Him – Hold his hand, hug him tight, squeeze his knee when you are watching TV. Whatever way he likes to be touched – use the power of touch to connect and soothe. If he asks, “Why are you touching me so much?” Tell him you just read an article (yes, this one!) that said the University of Illinois studied NBA basketball teams and found that the more on-court touching there was early in the season, the higher the teams scored by the end of the season. If it works for the NBA, it works for the Wifey in my book!

Flirt – Remember how he loves to feel like he is the king of the world? Well that’s not exactly true. What your husband loves is to feel like he is the king of *your* world. Flirting is the most direct, most fun way to convey that to him. It’s also a way you get to have fun, make him laugh and touch him at the same time. It’s a triple whammy of deliciousness. In fact, you should do that even when he’s not having a bad day, don’t you think?

Just listen – Okay, ladies, this may seem obvious but I know there are a lot of you like me out there, looking for magic wands to wave and problems to fix when all our husbands need is just our love and listening ear. No matter how tempted you may be to find 5 potential solutions to his problems, stop, look at his beautiful eyes, focus and just listen.

QUESTION – These are 7 of my favorite ways to help my hubby on those stressful days. What do you do to help your husband cope with stress? Please share your tips in the comments.

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book line none other.

Free Date Idea: Take a Fantasy Tour Around the Globe

1 Reply

Happy anniversary! Can you believe it’s been a full year since the Happy Wives Club book was released on January 7, 2014. Where did the time go?

Since it is, technically, it’s birthday or anniversary, or whatever celebratory thing you want to call it, how about we create a brand new -and scrumptiously unique- date idea?

Free date ideas are the best kind in my book. With at least 52 potential weekly date nights in a year, you can never have too many ideas to choose from. And if your hubby is like mine and loves variety, it’s a great idea to have a few plans in your back pocket and ready to go.

Today we are combining food, travel, TV, *and* using a little inspiration from the Happy Wives Club book– what’s not to love?

One of my favorite parts of the Happy Wives Club book was feeling like I was seeing, smelling and tasting all the places Fawn went to interview happy couples and learn their secrets to happy marriages.

When I was thinking about a FUN and FREE date night idea, I remembered how much fun The Hubs and I have watching House Hunters International and fantasizing about whether or not we would ever live anywhere but home.

Soooo I thought it would be even more fun to go on a fantasy vacation, inspired by the fabulous locales in the Happy Wives Club Book and approved by the hubby!

What you will need:

1. Laptop or Tablet – to cue up the Travel Channel’s website.

I suggest taking all the links below and opening them in new tabs, that way they are cued up and ready to go so you have the mechanics out of the way and can snuggle and discuss as you go along the tour.

2. Some yummy food – check out great snack ideas inspired by the book (see links to fabulous recipes at the end of every country I’ve listed below.)

3. A little conversation – one of my favorite things to do with the hubby is PAUSE THE TV and DISCUSS. Would we want to go there? What do we want to see? Is it a “must-go-before-we-die-place?” or a “would-be-nice-but-eh-place?”

Ready for the World Tour? (You don’t even need a passport! Score.)

Cape Town, South Africa –

This one is on my own bucket list. I loved this video because I must admit, I was curious to see the South African version of McDonald’s. It does not disappoint.

http://www.travelchannel.com/video/mcfeasting-in-south-africa

The recipes from this fabulous part of the world:

http://www.food.com/recipes/south-african

And who could forget about the red cappuccino’s Fawn raved about, and are only served as espresso’s in South Africa? Well, this may not be identical but I think we found a way to enjoy the taste without needing to take the flight:

http://capepointpress.com/rooibos-cappuccino-latte/

Perth, Australia

When I was a kid Olivia Newton John was one of my idols (thank you, Grease! And yes, it’s still the word.) So Australia has been magical and beautiful since I was 13. When Oprah went during her final season, I fell in love with it all over again.

When I was looking for the most viewed videos on Australia it turned out to be a review of their Superman roller coaster.

That reminded me of one of the things I just love about travel – the way you can plan a thousand details and yet a place will surprise you and the last thing you thought you would ever do there turns out to be your favorite part.

So, here is the link to Superman Down Under -

http://www.travelchannel.com/video/superman-flies-down-under

And a little dive into the Great Barrier Reef –

http://www.travelchannel.com/video/dive-into-the-great-barrier-reef-11550

And a little 5 Star Spa Day to relax after all that exploring!

http://www.travelchannel.com/video/lilianfels-spa-and-resort

And we can’t forget some great local recipes from down under (or what the locals call “Oz”) -

http://www.abc.net.au/perth/recipes/

Mauritius –

Since we are half way around the world already, let’s just hop over to Mauritius for some “Street Eats” and snacks.

http://www.travelchannel.com/video/mauritian-mash-up

Don’t forget to try out some of the fabulous Creole food from Mauritius -

http://www.sbs.com.au/food/cuisine/mauritian

Or you can do what Fawn did when dining with a French couple married more than half a century, enjoy some fabulous (and buttery) French cuisine -

http://www.foodandwine.com/french-recipes

Europe – Rome & London

Let’s wrap up our world tour with some Gladiator school in Rome –

http://www.travelchannel.com/video/gladiator-school-in-rome-11153

a mini tour of Rome neighborhoods -

http://www.travelchannel.com/video/romes-neighborhoods-11156

a look around London -

http://www.travelchannel.com/video/taking-a-look-around-london

and finally, the food!

While in Rome…eat as the Romans do: http://www.aboutroma.com/rome-cuisine.html

While in London, authentic fish and chips are a must: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/tyler-florence/english-style-fish-and-chips-recipe.html

Winnipeg, Canada–

According to Fawn, those living in Winnipeg will be the first to tell you there’s not a whole lot to do there other than The Forks. But what they do have and are so proud to share (aside from a beautiful culture and love for family and mastering the art of simplicity): Poutine. It’s so popular, Canadians even tried to make it their official national food.

http://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Classic-Gravy-Fries

These are just a few of the 12 countries Fawn visited during her research for the Happy Wives Club book, there’s so much fun to see and learn about.

After this date night, always remember that it doesn’t take a lot of money to travel the world – just an Internet connection and a little creativity.

Where do you and your spouse want to travel next? Please share in the comments.

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Practical Date Night Idea That Will Rock Your Marriage

7 Replies

Forget getting dressed up or putting on makeup.

Don’t worry about setting up the perfect meal with candlelight and a bottle of wine.

Date night is about connecting. It’s about sharing your most precious commodity: time.

So often, we can miss the fun of date night by planning date night. Here’s to a practical date night that will continue to rock your marriage long after it’s over.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

____________

Last week, we talked about ways to clear the electronic clutter from our daily lives to spend more time offline lovingly connecting with our spouses.

Now it’s time to turn to physical clutter. What does this have to do with a date night? Don’t worry, I’ll get to that in just a moment.

All that stuff we own and buy (and keep buying!) can get in the way of having physical space to bond and share with our honeys and our families. Not to mention the debt it can cause, but that is a blog post for another day.

First, let’s review why clutter can be so stressful.

Several research studies have shown that clutter overloads your senses and stress hormones spike up.

Have you ever had too many tabs open in your computer and noticed the computer going much slower? You close a few tabs and suddenly your computer can process information much faster. Imagine that happening in your brain.

Now imagine your spouse comes home, after a stressful day, and wants and needs your attention. But you my dear friend are already overloaded.

Not good.

I think we can all agree that love is more important than things right?

>And yet, we let physical things get in the way of love way too easily sometimes.

Remember this – “mess causes stress.” Remember it so that you can do something about it.

First ask yourself, does your home feel like your sanctuary?

Is there a particular space in your home where your Clutter-Guard goes up?

Start there and ask your hubby if he would be willing to have a De-Clutter Date. (Yes, you really can make it fun! And yes it’s a totally free date night idea. You’re welcome.)

Ideas for a De-Clutter Date -

Make a playlist for your iPod.
Choose some yummy take out or your favorite quick and easy meal.
Decide on a prize or activity you can enjoy at the end.
Brainstorm how you can make it fun to clear your space.
Schedule it. Because if it’s not on the schedule, it won’t happen.
What are you doing this weekend? (Yes, that was a not-so-subtle-hint!)

If you don’t have time this weekend, then start with the tiniest increment of time you can. The idea is to experience more peace and order and not get overwhelmed, so permission for baby steps is totally granted. Start tiny and even if it’s just one junk drawer, decide what to keep and what to give to charity or throw away.

Here are 5 ways you can start clearing clutter right now:

I learned these from watching Peter Walsh over the years on Oprah.

Start asking yourself these questions to determine what to keep or clear out.

1. When was the last time I used this? Over 2 years is definitely in the bye pile. (Unless it’s my wedding dress, which I have permission from the hubs to keep forever.)

2. Am I keeping it for sentimental reasons? (In the case of my wedding dress, you betcha!)

3. Can we use it again?

4. Do I love it?

5. Will someone else find it more useful than me?

That last one is something I discovered over the years. That sometimes giving away things gives me the sweetest joy just by imagining someone else being blessed by something I once found beautiful and useful.

Also use these questions when you are going to add anything to your home, being more selective before we buy things helps keep what we love in and what becomes clutter out.

To help with this it’s also useful to learn the difference between STUFF and TRASH.

(Yes, I made up acronyms for them!)

STUFF = Symbols That Undeniably Feel Fabulous (hint – you can keep those!)

TRASH = Things Resembling Authentic Success (that are truly) Hogwash (you guessed it, those are in the bye-bye pile!)

STUFF = that old sweater from when you were dating that your hubby loves on you, KEEP.

TRASH = those really expensive shoes that you never wear, GO.

You can read more about my whole Stuff and Trash adventures in de-cluttering here

YOUR TURN: Is there too much clutter in your home? Right here in the comments tell us which room/drawer/closet/storage space you will tackle first and how you want to feel when you are done with that space.

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Could Your Marriage Benefit From an Electronics Policy?

4 Replies

One of the things that made me fall for Keith so many years ago was a simple act he didn’t even realize I noticed.

Although he had a job that oversaw staff around the world, when we went out, his Blackberry always stayed in the car.

I, on the other hand, kept my cell phone turned on and although I didn’t check emails, I would respond to texts and calls from my business partner. I also slept with my cell phone on the nightstand next to the bed.

It took me a while but I learned a much better way. I finally adopted my husband’s “electronics policy,” as Maggie Reyes so wonderfully describes it in this post. Thank goodness.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

______________

I was telling my husband the other day that if 15 year old me met 40 year old me, she wouldn’t believe my life. So many things we take for granted now didn’t exist when we were growing up.

One of the fascinating things about adapting to new technology is what I call, “the Pendulum Period” we swing to too much, then we swing to too little, then, eventually we get it just right.

I remember watching an interview with some famous actress that said she didn’t watch any TV – ever. That’s just too much of too little in my book.

But over the years we have all figured out our television routine. We have collectively had enough time to experiment and find our happy medium.

Electronics and Social Media are the new television so to speak – and a lot of us have no idea what to do about them.

As a Life Coach and Writer, I am on social media All.The.Time.

As an IT guy, my hubby has yet to meet an electronic device that wasn’t worth investigating and (often) purchasing.

However when it comes to social media, he swings to the complete opposite end of that pendulum. He is completely off the grid. (Although I helped him create an Avatar so when he comments on posts, his face appears. Just the mere fact that I knew one IT-related thing that he didn’t gives me endless joy and pleasure!)

There is also a lot of doom and gloom out there about the dangers of texting and using Facebook to avoid connecting with our partners. But I believe we can use technology to connect to our spouses instead of disconnect from them.

Having a few guidelines and agreed ways to interact electronically can prevent problems before they happen.

Simple family or couple rules like – no phones at the dinner table or no computer after 10 pm can take the stress out of going back and forth every day on what to do. See that pendulum again?!

I know it sounds just a little crazy, but some time to creating an Electronics Policy for your marriage can help avoid problems before they start.

Here are 3 questions that can get you started –

1. Is there anything I am doing now that you wish I would change or stop?

2. Should we have a phones/electronic devices off time?

3. Which electronics (if any) are allowed at bed time?

For example, the light from a tablet could disturb someone’s sleep, but an e-ink device like a Kindle Paperwhite might be okay.

Some professions are on call, so obviously turning off phones completely will vary based on your personal situation. The main thing is to start a conversation and get you both talking about what you like or don’t like so you can take action before it escalates.

One interesting story I heard recently is a consultant had clients calling her at all hours of the day and night so to create some boundaries around her time, she got a second cell phone – for family only and her work phone is turned off promptly at 6 every night.

That was one creative solution, but there are thousands depending on your personal and family needs.

When I started writing about his topic it was so huge I had to turn it into a two parter – because seriously – sharing (or over-sharing!) on social media is a topic unto itself – so stay tuned for that one coming to you on Monday.

YOUR TURN: Have you found a creative solution that has eased the tension of too much tech in your life? Please share in the comments.

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

12 Ways to Make Your Love & Marriage Last

28 Replies

I would not be exaggerating in the least to tell you that Maggie Reyes is one of my absolute favorite marriage bloggers.

She blogs over at ModernMarried.com and I absolutely love hearing stories about her and her husband as they clearly love, adore and respect one another.

The last time she wrote a guest post here and told us all to “Give some vitamin F2 every day” in our marriage, that post instantly went viral – shared more than 50,000 times within the first 24 hours.

When it came time to release my debut book, she not only joined more than 200 bloggers on a blog tour hosted in honor of launch week but she coordinated the entire thing. I loved the post she wrote for the blog tour so much that I asked if I could share it with you.

I could go on and on about how much she has meant to this community but instead, I’ll just let you meet her on your own.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

___________

I believe you can have a happy marriage. It’s why I’m a proud member of the Happy Wives Club and encourage you to join us if you haven’t already. It’s why I love the Happy Wives Club Book and hope millions read it.

There was a time I thought I would be single forever. Then there was a time I thought I didn’t know how to be a wife. Now, years after getting married, I can honestly say that happy marriages are possible and all around us. And I want you to have one.

Thinking about what makes a happy wife, a happy life and a happy marriage, I finally realized it was time to write my own manifesto.

The following is my verbal declaration of intentions and views on what makes love last.

12 Ways to Make Your Love & Marriage Last

Check in EVERYDAY. Asking “how was your day?” is the key to being part of your honey’s life. Don’t take that question for granted. Don’t grunt and say okay and move on to “what’s for dinner.” You married the love of your life so you could be with them every day right? Remember that.
There is no auto-pilot for love. Flirt. Kiss. Hug. Remember that you create your relationship with every text, every wink, every “good morning” and every “can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” Never stop creating and you will never stop loving.
Dream Deeper instead of bigger. Dreaming deeper is asking how you would like to spend your time, not your money, and then finding ways to do more and more of that every day. What makes your heart sing? Do that. Trust me on this, it’s not the car you drive, it’s how you drive it.
Forget “the institution of marriage” and remember “the family of us.” We are all making it up as we go along. And that’s okay, you are in this together!
Pour love into pain as often as needed. Forgive. Forget. Let go. Move on. Love more. Open your heart to receive love when you need it too. If you aren’t sure how to receive, say so. Use your words. Listen with compassion. Believe that it will all work out in the end. It will.
Remember that feeling you had on your honeymoon? So much joy and laughter and love. Feel that now. Yes, right now. If your honey did something hyper-annoying right before you read this, then just close your eyes and remember the feeling you had back then. Take a deep breath and remember that feeling. How can you bring it forward to today? Take turtle steps if you need to.
Say no to negativity. No criticizing, complaining or eye rolling. Ever. Make requests not complaints. Remember at the end of a request you may get what you asked for. At the end of a complaint all you get is an argument.
Keep the sexy going. Studies show married people have better sex. You are married. The odds are in your favor. Practice.
Make deposits into your emotional bank account every day. Run little errands, bring coffee, take the dry cleaning. Be kind. Act like a team. Remember you are on the same one.
Make space for friends. Your husband may not want to know that your favorite color of lipstick was discontinued. And he definitely does not want to know which star of Downton Abbey you think is the cutest. Even if your husband is your best friend, make time for girlfriends. They can help you keep your marriage stronger.
Let go of the idea of perfection. Expect marriage to be crooked and chipped and weathered. Expect it to grow and change and surprise you. Expect to be disappointed every once in a while. It happens. Nothing is wrong. That is life. Expecting perfection is the root of so much pain. Expect largely imperfect love instead. You can write your own love story and it can be beautiful, even if the curtains are dusty and the plates are chipped.
Believe in the power of love and of that force to get you through tough times. Love is the highest power of all. Use it.

QUESTION: Have you written your own marriage manifesto?

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

5 South Beach Diet Phase 1 Food Hacks

3 Replies

If you’ve been around the health and fitness portion of Happy Wives Club, you may have noticed that I usually write all of the posts. I’ve been assigned as the resident “expert” for lack of a better term.

This week I was happy to hear about a post from one of our contributors, Maggie Reyes. She’s been on a mission to lose weight WITH her husband. When I heard about this I got super excited. I LOVE when a husband and wife are on a joint mission to get healthy.

One of the most popular diets around is called the South Beach Diet. It has different phases to it. I’m not going to go through the diet with you step-by-step. Just know that if you are on it you’ll say goodbye to a lot of carbs (like potatoes, fruit, bread, rice, pasta, etc for a couple weeks).

Maggie has some food hacks that will help you out if you are in Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet!

Make it a Healthy Day!

Annett Davis (HWC Health/Fitness Contributor)

5 South Beach Diet Phase 1 Food Hacks!

The hubby and I are losing weight together. When we analyzed all the things we could eat during the South Beach Diet phase 1, we realized we would have to get creative to stick to the eating plan.

This is where food hacking comes in. Basically you can tweak recipes changing ingredients or otherwise altering a traditionally made item to suit your needs, tastes or budget.

With a little creativity, we have found ways to eat some of the things we love within the strict parameters of the diet’s instructions.

Here are 5 of our favorite “hacks.”

Breakfast Yogurt – 1/2 cup of Greek yogurt, 1 heaping tablespoon of your favorite sugar free jam, 2 Splendas.

You cannot have fruit during phase 1, but you *can* have sugar free jams and jellies. Mixed in with Greek yogurt, they add flavor and sweetness and make this an easy addition to the breakfast rotation.

Chili with Mushroom – The hubby looooves chili, but he usually eats it with rice, so he had to find a substitute. He experimented with mushrooms as they are light in flavor and typically take on the savory flavors they are cooked into.

He followed the standard chili recipe on the back of McCormack Chili and just substituted mushrooms for rice. This one is definitely for the bolder experimenters, but for us, it worked as a great substitute.

The next 3 tips are all about the satisfying the Sweet Tooth.

Snickers Hack – Hershey’s Sugar Free, Caramel Filled Chocolate (1 piece) + approximately 5 to 10 peanuts. It may not be Snickers, but it really satisfies.

Almond Joy Hack – Russell Stover’s Sugar Free Coconut filled chocolate + 3 almonds.

Imaginary Ice Cream – you really can’t have ice cream during phase 1, but you can have sugar free fudgsicles. Take the fudgiscle, put it in a large cup and remove it from the stick with a knife. Put it in the microwave for 10 seconds, then add a nut of your choice (pecans and almond shavings work really well for this). Voila! Imaginary Ice Cream!

There you have it, 5 creative additions to South Beach Diet Phase 1.

Have you ever done the South Beach Diet? Do you have any favorite food hacks to add to the list?

Free Date Night Idea: The Today Show Date

1 Reply

My personal date-night challenge was this: come up with either a cheap or free date night idea. Preferably something free, fun, and that parents with small children could do easily – no baby sitter needed.

I started thinking about what my favorite things to do with my hubby are. Number one on my list is talking and cuddling. Any variation of talking and cuddling will *always* make me happy.

I had the idea for this blog post and then was thrilled to see a conversation on the Happy Wives Club Facebook page where HWC members repeatedly agreed that “talking and cuddling” is where it’s at as far as our favorite bonding activity with our hubbies.

So here it is, super simple and I discovered it totally by accident. We had recorded the Today Show and when I turned it on the big headline was that the government was monitoring our cell phone usage. Remember the day, when that story broke?

Well as it turns out, my husband had very strong feelings about it, as he is in IT, and understands the nuts and bolts of *how* the monitoring would work. I had very strong opinions too and asked him a ton of questions.

I found out things I didn’t know about him, just by asking him a question from the news story on the Today Show.

Then I realized he is my favorite person. I want to know what he thinks about everything. So I asked him to stay and watch the show with me and if we could pause on different segments and discuss. He is used to my zany suggestions and said yes.

We laughed, we debated, and we watched Martha Stewart using Match.com to find a date. We found that both gripping and hilarious at the same time. We talked about how having cameras following you around is probably not conducive to opening up your soul.

I could not get over how much Natalie Morales and Savannah Guthrie look alike. My hubby laughed, highly amused at my observations.

In the end we fast forwarded through some segments (latest and greatest makeup on sale) and had long, thoughtful discussions about others (what is our expectation of privacy in this digital-shareable world?) and overall had a great time.

This is so easy to do, I had to share.

Record the show. Watch together. Discuss. (If you have little kids, you can totally do this once they are asleep at night.)

Disclaimer: I am not associated with the Today Show in any way, other than watching it. I took the pictures on my camera at home and I hope the team at the Today Show thinks this is a really GREAT idea! – Maggie

For the Love of Space – A Tour of the Kennedy Space Center

3 Replies

I grew up in Florida and every time we visit Orlando, it’s to visit the parks: Disney or Universal. This year for the first time ever we took time out to visit Cape Canaveral for a tour of the Kennedy Space Center.

If there is anyone in your family who loves Star Trek, or any kind of science fiction, this will be heaven on earth for them.

Oh, and if they love *actual* science, astronomy, space flight, or trigonometry – you might not be able to get them to leave.

What you will see:

Atlantis – Space Shuttle – absolutely breathtaking in person.

Apollo Saturn V Center – the largest rocket ever flown (the one that took us to the moon).

Space Shuttle Launch Experience – this is a simulator of what it would feel like to be in a space shuttle when it launches. The Hubs did this while I watched from a video screen behind the ride. I loved that it had the option to watch if you didn’t want to be turned upside down and shaken and stirred all space-like.

Angry Birds Space Encounter – we did not do this. It’s supposed to be great for kids.

Apollo Saturn V Command and Control Center – my favorite part of this were all the little lights that light up as they reach different milestones of readiness to launch. The last two are “commit” then the rocket is ready to “launch.” As a life coach, it just thrilled me that scientifically, all rocket systems must “commit” to the take off before launching. I found it such a beautiful analogy for anything we do in life.

Meet an Astronaut – this was my favorite part of the day. Yes the hardware was impressive and a bit mind-blowing, but to actually hear live stories from someone who has been in space was beyond my imagination.

There are two options for this,

You can sign up for “Lunch with an Astronaut” which has an extra fee but you get more time to listen to stories, see slides and ask questions. You and about 100 other people of course! At the lunch they have it set up where you get to take a picture with him. Afterwards, they print the picture while you are at the park. A couple of hours later you come back to have him sign it. This was a surprise to me and I loved it!
There is also a theater where there are usually two showings a day of Q&A with the Astronaut.

They have about 20 Astronauts rotate through the program so there is usually one there whenever you visit.

If you don’t have plans to visit Florida anytime soon, but you are intrigued by the Kennedy Space Center, you can take the trip home:

NASA AT HOME:

Watch Apollo 13 (with Tom Hanks).
Watch our Astronaut’s favorite space movie, Space Cowboys.
Check out NASA’s website for all kinds of exciting space news and breathtaking images: http://www.nasa.gov/

As Featured in

About Maggie Reyes

Ideas for a De-Clutter Date -

Here are 5 ways you can start clearing clutter right now:

12 Ways to Make Your Love & Marriage Last

5 South Beach Diet Phase 1 Food Hacks!

Here are 5 of our favorite “hacks.”