Workin’ 9 to 5

What a way to make a living

Barely getting by

Its all talkin

And no givin

They just use your mind

And they never give you credit

It’s enough to drive you

Do you remember singing that song?  Just looking at the lyrics makes me think of Dolly Parton.  Although I don’t recall ever seeing the movie Nine to Five starring the petite country singer and Jane Fonda, I’ve always remembered the melody of the song and the first two bars, “Workin 9 to 5 what a way to make a living…”

And it’s the fabulous Dolly that brings us to the next step in this 10-step program to create a Recession-Proof marriage and household.  For those joining us today for the first time, I encourage you to go back and review Step One, Steps Two and Three, Step Four, Step Five, Step Six and Step Seven.  For your ease, I’ve included a brief synopsis of each step below.  But I definitely recommend taking the time to go back and read each step individually.

STEP ONE: Stop comparing yourself to others and learn to be content (or even better, happy) with exactly what you have in this moment.  As Rick Warren said and I love repeating, “If the grass is greener on the other side, that’s because your neighbor has a higher water bill!”

STEP TWO: Team up with your partner in life, your spouse, and pray for wisdom.  This is different from the prayers you may have prayed until now.  You’re not asking Him to magically make your debt disappear or magically increase your income.  You’re asking Him for the wisdom to allow you to do it yourself.  No one knows your financial future better than Him so that is the life source you want to stay connected to throughout this process and beyond.

STEP THREE: Strip down your image.  There is no doubt that a part of the instruction God will give you will require great sacrifice and that means you will need to be okay with whatever anyone else may think of you.  Don’t allow your fear of what others may think keep you straddled with the burden of debt.  It’s just not worth it.

STEP FOUR: The 10/90 Rule.  Many financial experts will tell you about the 80/10/10 rule and it is what Keith and I follow.  But I learned early in my adult life that the 80/10/10 was a goal but for those desiring to financial freedom, the 10/90 rule is a requirement.  It is what I used 15 years ago to turn my financial situation around and I’ve never met a person for whom it did not work.

STEP FIVE: Allowance isn’t just for kids.  You’ve probably discovered, like most people I know, that budgets are similar to New Year’s Resolutions: everyone makes them but few actually follow them (at least beyond the first month or two).  Budgets are usually blown but allowances are not.

STEP SIX: Redefine the American Dream.  This step begins the process of helping you pay off your debt and learn to live below your means.  Keeping up with the Joneses, Kardashians, Steins or anyone else is a recipe for failure.  Defining the American Dream for yourself is the key to success.

STEP SEVEN: Let stuff go.  Using the analogy of “how to catch a monkey” we’re reminded how our refusal to let some things go could cause us to remain in debt and not live the financially free life we were meant to enjoy.  And like the monkey, who is caught because of his refusal to let go of a booby-trapped treat, our decision to “let go” can change one’s life. 

And today we’re adding:

STEP EIGHT: Workin’ 9-to-5 is a movie and an award-winning song, not the way to obtain financial freedom. 

When I first began writing this blog series on finances, I thought it would take a couple days.  I’d share a few thoughts and hope you’d glean something great from it to begin on the path toward financial freedom.  Quite frankly, I thought I was just going to share with each of you one of our favorite books, Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover, and be done with it.

Now, two weeks and eight steps later, we are finally nearing the end of this series.  We will be discussing step eight today, step nine on Wednesday and wrapping up with step ten on Friday.  And then I can return to writing about much lighter topics.  Yeah!!

So let’s talk about step eight.  As I mentioned on Friday, for some of you, the first six steps in this plan for a Recession-Proof marriage is all you’ll need to get on the right track.  But for those who find themselves buried in debt on a never-ending hamster will, selling excess might be necessary (step seven) and figuring out creative ways to bring more income into the family (step eight) may be required.

When times are tough, money is tight and the bills are mounting, obtaining multiple jobs may be necessary.  A secondary job is never ideal, and it’s rarely anything enjoyable, but it may be necessary.  Now, is the time to put your heads together as husband and wife or mom and dad and figure out how you can bring more money into your household.  That may mean working one job from 7am-3pm and another from 4pm-10pm.  It may mean working six days a week.  Not fun… I know.

Working 12-hour days, 6 days a week is exhausting.  I understand.  My hubby understands.  We’ve both done it multiple times throughout our careers.  70+ hours of work each week is definitely no laughing matter but it may be necessary for the time being to create more income for your family.  And it should be temporary.

Set a goal of getting out of debt.  Lay all your bills out and begin calculating the length of time it will take you to pay them all off (there are a ton of websites that can show you effective ways to do this – just Google it).  Once you’ve determined how long it’ll take you to pay them off at your current household income, calculate how much time you can shave off of that by bringing in more money.  The sooner you can get it done, the sooner you can experience the financial freedom you long to have.

There are many Club members who are stay-at-home moms and you might be one of them.  If that’s the case, you already know you have one of the most exhausting and underappreciated jobs in the world.  But, and this may surprise you, it is also one that can potentially give you the flexibility to add another source of revenue to the family’s bottom line. 

There are a ton of creative ways to make more money (honestly and legally ) and if you even look online for testimonies, you’ll run out of time before you run out of success stories.  But one of my favorite is making your services available through sites like Elance and Odesk and expanding your job opportunities from the US or wherever you are located to participating in the worldwide job market.

When I mention Elance to people, it’s rare for me to come across someone who knows what I’m talking about.  But this company has been a conduit for pairing work with qualified workers for some time now and contractors (people like you) have earned over $425 million on the Elance Platform (you can read an article here).  I love Elance, I have contractors who work for me from California, Tennessee, Florida, Costa Rica, India, Argentina, Philippines and there are thousands of small business just like mine who look for talented workers through sites like Elance.

Many think these sites are only for workers from other countries who work for less than $5/hr.  That is absolutely not true.  My company, for example, pays no less than minimum wage here in the US – no matter where a worker is located.  I’m here in the US so I try to hire as many US-based contractors as possible.  The problem is not the amount of work available, it’s the number of people qualified to do the jobs here in the States.

No matter where in the world you’re located, here’s what I know, you have a computer because you’re reading my online blog.  If you have a computer, you can learn the skills needed to earn extra income online. This isn’t one of those “work-from-home” schemes (as I know there’s a ton of those), these are simply online marketplaces where businesses like mine look for people like you who are hardworking, dedicated and skilled.

I bet many of you would be shocked to find out you can learn to build websites at the highest level and become a programmer for free.  Yep!  And people around the world do it every day.  There is an organization called World Wide Web Consortium (W3C) that was founded by the inventor of the world-wide web (that’s right, every time you enter “www.anything.com” remember the “www” was invented by one person), Tim Berners-Lee.  And Berners-Lee believes the web should be open and everyone should be able to learn how to operate, create and build on it – for free.  

Without sounding too techy, since this blog post is about finances and not technology and building websites, just know this: you can learn everything you ever needed to learn about building websites by going to: http://w3schools.com/ and everything you’ll learn will be 100% free.  I’m always amazed at the number of people who say they want to learn programming but don’t know this resource is out there for free.

Maybe you have no desire to learn how to create websites or operate in that world known as the internet, there’s still plenty you can do.  If you like talking on the phone, make yourself available as a customer service rep.  If you type fast and your work is accurate, offer data entry services.  Enjoy research (I’m a total research junkie), become a research specialist.  And all of this can be done on sites like Elance.com, oDesk.com, Guru.com (and others I’ve not used yet but I know they exist).

Because I am in the technology business, this is what I think of immediately when someone tells me they’re willing to work more to get out of debt but just need to find a job.  I tell them, if they’ve been looking and can’t find a second job…Create one.  But technology isn’t the only way.  You just have to get creative.  Have a family meeting and ask yourselves, what can we do together to bring more income into our home? 

Once you’ve figured out a way to bring more income into your household, the important thing to remember is the purpose of this additional income is to pay off debt you’ve already incurred.  Don’t go spending it.  That defeats the purpose.  Pretend this money doesn’t even exist; it comes in, you apply the 10/90 principle to it, and keep it moving.  Keep your mind squarely focused on creating a Recession-Proof marriage and household and it will happen.

I’m excited about Wednesday’s journal post.  I look forward to you joining me here.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 15,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

Have you ever tried catching a monkey?  Maybe not here in the US but maybe you’ve heard of one often mentioned method.  In Africa, as the story goes, they cut a coconut in half, hollow it out, put a ripe orange in the middle and then seal the coconut back together leaving only a hole small enough for a monkey to get his hand through to the middle of it.

In India, as I understand it, they’ve used the exact same method except theirs involves taking a gourd, cutting a small hole in it and then putting some rice inside.  They then secure the coconut (or gourd) using rope and a tree.  Then they wait.

Soon enough, an unsuspecting monkey will swing by and smell the orange or the rice and stick their thin hand into the fruit.  They’ll grab the treat and then attempt to pull their hand out.  Unfortunately, the hole is only large enough for them to get their hand in or out, if it is open.  However, with a clinched fist, the monkey is not able to remove its hand.  And thus it continues to try until a net is thrown over it and the monkey is caught.

All the while the monkey was trying to remove his hand from the coconut (or gourd), it never dawned on him to simply let go.  And thus, the greedy monkey leads us to our seventh step in this 10-step process to creating a Recession-Proof marriage and household.

STEP SEVEN: Let stuff go. 

Some of you will be able to follow the first six steps in this plan for a Recession-Proof marriage and that’s all you will need.  But for some, it’s not as simple as outlining a radical vision for emerging from the pits of debt or simply becoming determined to free your family from the bondage of slavery (as the Proverb says, “…a borrower is slave to the lender”).  For some of you, that will only get you halfway there.  You need more.  Step seven and step eight (which we’ll discuss on Monday) are specifically for you.

For those joining us today for the first time, I encourage you to go back and review Step One, Steps Two and Three, Step Four, Step Five and Step Six.  For your ease, I’ve included a brief synopsis of each step below.  But I definitely recommend taking the time to go back and read each step individually.

STEP ONE: Stop comparing yourself to others and learn to be content (or even better, happy) with exactly what you have in this moment.  As Rick Warren said and I love repeating, “If the grass is greener on the other side, that’s because your neighbor has a higher water bill!”

STEP TWO: Team up with your partner in life, your spouse, and pray for wisdom.  This is different from the prayers you may have prayed until now.  You’re not asking Him to magically make your debt disappear or magically increase your income.  You’re asking Him for the wisdom to allow you to do it yourself.  No one knows your financial future better than Him so that is the life source you want to stay connected to throughout this process and beyond.

STEP THREE: Strip down your image.  There is no doubt that a part of the instruction God will give you will require great sacrifice and that means you will need to be okay with whatever anyone else may think of you.  Don’t allow your fear of what others may think keep you straddled with the burden of debt.  It’s just not worth it.

STEP FOUR: The 10/90 Rule.  Many financial experts will tell you about the 80/10/10 rule and it is what Keith and I follow.  But I learned early in my adult life that the 80/10/10 was a goal but for those desiring to financial freedom, the 10/90 rule is a requirement.  It is what I used 15 years ago to turn my financial situation around and I’ve never met a person for whom it did not work.

STEP FIVE: Allowance isn’t just for kids.  You’ve probably discovered, like most people I know, that budgets are similar to New Year’s Resolutions: everyone makes them but few actually follow them (at least beyond the first month or two).  Budgets are usually blown but allowances are not.

STEP SIX:Redefine the American Dream.  This step begins the process of helping you pay off your debt and learn to live below your means.  Keeping up with the Joneses, Kardashians, Steins or anyone else is a recipe for failure.  Defining the American Dream for yourself is the key to success.

And now…

STEP SEVEN: Let stuff go. 

As you know by now, a few years ago, Keith and I made the decision to work toward becoming debt-free. A few months earlier, many financial analysts had predicted the United States was headed for its second Depression, and Keith and I knew we had not properly prepared to weather such a financial storm. Shortly before coming to this conclusion, Keith stumbled across a fantastic book (we highly recommend) by author Dave Ramsey called The Total Money Makeover. It completely changed the way we viewed, spent, and saved our money.

We’ve been incredibly blessed and fortunate to have avoided the vast majority of financial challenges many have endured during this recession. However, that had less to do with our actual finances and more to do with God’s grace, the plan we set into motion at the offset of this recession, our mindset and determination to K.I.S.S: Keep it Super Simple.  

Early in our marriage, we made a commitment to each other to pursue as simple of a life as possible while maintaining our drive and desire to succeed in every aspect of our lives.  Striving for a simple life meant we would need to learn to wear our possessions lightly, meaning we would need to be willing to shed whatever belongings caused us stress, the way marathon runners shed their jackets.

If you’ve ever seen a marathon on television, or if you’ve run in one, as I did several years ago, you’ll notice something peculiar at the start of every race. Most of the runners come with sweatshirts, trash bags, and light jackets covering their upper body. The reason is most marathons begin early in the morning when it is still quite cold outside. However, shortly after the race begins and the runners take off, those jackets, sweatshirts, and trash bags begin lining the first mile of the race.

Prior to the beginning of the 26.2-mile race, participants had the luxury of wearing those warm outer garments. However, once their bodies started heating up, they all quickly shed the extra layers, laying them down by the wayside as if they were trash. At the end of each race, marathon volunteers pick up the clothing and donate the items to a local charity to keep others warm.

Keith and I agreed that if the going got tough, our toughness would be exhibited in our ability to simply walk away from our material possessions. We would not be so prideful as to hold on to something we could no longer afford.

We live in a rural community outside of Los Angeles. It is an equestrian community with large parcels of land, hundreds of horses and wonderful neighbors. The only downside to this town is our sewer system. We all have septic tanks instead of in-ground plumbing. When our septic tank got stopped up one day, we called a repair company out to fix it. After diagnosing the problem, they determined we would need to completely replace the system.  The dismal report saddened us momentarily because based on their estimate the repair costs would far exceed what we’d set aside for household repairs and emergencies.

Since we knew the cost of the repairs would be a burden on our household, we decided—without hesitation—we would get a second opinion and if the second mirrored the first, we would sell the house (likely at a loss) and get a much smaller, less expensive place nearby.

This decision took little to no thought, because we’d already made the commitment to keep our finances as simple as possible. Thankfully, a second company gave us a completely different opinion, and we were able to keep the place we affectionately named, Serenity Ranch. However, we would have walked away in a heartbeat if it meant compromising the peace within our relationship.

Keep in mind, Serenity Ranch, is not just a house to us.  This is where we hoped to raise our kids, grow old together and hang out all day once we’d retired.  This home was and still is a very special place for us.  But if the happiness in our marriage would have been in jeopardy, this house would have had a big, fat “For Sale” sign in front of it faster than you can say, “Sell!  Sell!  Sell!”

Are there material possessions you’re holding on to that by letting go would bring you greater peace?  In the past year or so, we’ve recommended more people than I can remember short sale their home.  No, it’s not the ideal solution but if a home is causing such a financial burden that it’s become an tremendous weight on your family, walk away.  Deed in lieu of foreclosure, short sale, it doesn’t matter.  Just figure out a way to let it go.

Do you know of people who have so much stuff they pay for storage space?  Are you one of those people?  If so, this is where you can start.  Clearly, the things in storage are not items you’re using every day.  They’d likely fall under the category of excess.  Yes, they might be wonderful things you plan to use at a later date, but we’re talking about freeing your family from debt and rising from the ashes of this recession.

Pull together all the stuff you don’t need; anything in storage that can be replaced at a later date when your family is in a better financial position.  And have a big ole’ garage sell.  Yep, I said it.  Sell that stuff!  Go online and sell on eBay, Craigslist and anywhere else you can unload your family “extras.”  

Start purging yourself of things you no longer need.  Free up as much cash as possible so you can begin paying off your debt.  The faster you can pay on the principle of something you’ve previously put on credit, the sooner you can stop wasting precious dollars on interest.

I don’t think it’s necessary for me to give you a step-by-step plan on letting stuff go.  You know how to do it.  You just have to do it.  It might be tough at first but look at it a different way.  Picture all the extra “stuff” you have as a weight on your shoulders.  Then as you sell one item and then another and then another, that weight continues to get lighter and lighter.

Here’s the bottom line for Step Seven: Don’t be a monkey.  Debt and material possessions are only a trap if you refuse to unclench your fist.  But once you determine to start letting stuff go, you’ll begin to taste the freedom your heart desires. 

If you’ve changed your mindset to know longer care about image and how others perceive you, created a radical vision to get your family out of debt, sold the excess stuff you own and you still find it impossible to get ahead.  Step Eight, which we’ll discuss on Monday is for you:  Working 9-to-5, is nota way to make a living (I know the “not” isn’t included in the Dolly Parton lyrics but it is included in Step 8). 

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 15,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

I am so excited we’re at step five in this 10-step plan for creating a recession-proof marriage and household.  For those joining us today for the first time in this blog series on shielding your family and marriage from this current economy, I’d like to encourage you to go back and review the first four steps.  Here’s a quick recap:

STEP ONE: Stop comparing yourself to others and learn to be content (or even better, happy) with exactly what you have in this moment.  As Rick Warren said and I love repeating, “If the grass is greener on the other side, that’s because your neighbor has a higher water bill!”

STEP TWO: Team up with your partner in life, your spouse, and pray for wisdom.  This is different from the prayers you may have prayed until now.  You’re not asking God to magically make your debt disappear or magically increase your income.  You’re asking for the wisdom to allow you to do it yourself.  No one knows your financial future better than Him so that is the life source you want to stay connected to throughout this process and beyond.

STEP THREE: Strip down your image.  There is no doubt that a part of the wisdom you will be given will require great sacrifice and that means you will need to be okay with whatever anyone else may think of you.  Don’t allow your fear of how others might respond to keep you straddled with the burden of debt.  It’s just not worth it.

STEP FOUR: The 10/90 Rule.  Many financial experts will tell you about the 80/10/10 rule and it is what Keith and I follow today.  But I learned early in my adult life that the 80/10/10 principle was a goal but for those desiring financial freedom, I believe the 10/90 rule is a requirement.  It is what I used 12 years ago to turn my financial situation around and I’ve never met a person for whom it did not work.

STEP FIVE: (we’re discussing today): Allowance isn’t just for kids.

Keith and I have been giving ourselves an allowance for at least the past six years.  The reason we began doing this is we realized more often than not a monthly budget is just a number on a piece of paper.  It is a goal, similar to a New Year’s resolution.  But the number of people who manage to stick to their budget is about the same as the number of people who stick to their annual resolutions. 

I don’t remember exactly where or from whom we learned about giving ourselves an allowance but continuing to do it over all these years has helped keep us stay on track financially.  Here’s how it works.  All of our income goes into a household account and each month we both get an “allowance” from our joint checking account.  That money is the maximum we commit to spend that month on our personal needs – and we stick to it.

We decided in advance who would pay for what out of their allowance (for instance, groceries might come out of your allowance while date nights may come out of your hubby’s). We determined our allowances based on needs and a few wants.  And by needs, I mean actual necessities.

In determining my actual needs, I tracked my expenses for a month or two by obtaining receipts for every single purchase I made and making every purchase in cash.  Even something as small as a pack of gum for $.89.  If I spent money, I tracked it.  At the end of the month, I was able to ascertain what expenses were actual “needs” and which were “wants.”

The process of determining needs vs. wants can become quite complicated if we allow it to be.  But really it should be simple.  For instance, cable is a “want” while internet, depending on what you do for a living, may be a “need.”  Coffee may be important to you to give a “pick me up” if that’s what your body is accustomed to in the morning.  But a $4 cup of coffee from Starbucks definitely falls under the “want” category. 

Ladies, I know it can really get tricky for us but let me help you see the difference between needs and wants when it comes to our personal beautification.  Getting our hair done, manicures and pedicures at an actual salon are a “want.”  Looking presentable for work and overall in life is important but there are many ways to get there.  I can count on one hand the number of manicures and pedicures I’ve actually gotten done at a salon in the past year and my hair dresser, who at one point saw me every week, now sees me bi-monthly for a trim.   

Gym memberships, as long as there is grass and concrete outside to run or walk and videos you can buy or rent to excercise from home, are a “want.”  I went from spending $150/mo for an upscale gym membership to $0/mo to practice yoga with a video.  And you know what?  I’m now in the best shape of my 35-year old life. 

Buying a new shirt because the one you have is “so last season” is definitely a want.  Purchasing another pair of shoes when you already have 50 pairs, no matter how “necessary” they are, is also a want.  Even purchases in the grocery store need to be divided between needs and wants.  Now, I’m not saying life should be boring and you shouldn’t have a lot of your “wants,” it just depends on where you are financially.

After Keith and I paid off all our debt a couple years ago (sans mortgages), we returned to much more liberal spending habits.  But now that we’re actively engaged in paying off our mortgages we’ve once again reined in our spending quite a bit and returned to limiting ourselves mainly to our “needs” while sprinkling in a few “wants” here and there.

Once you’ve determined not to participate in this recession and begin dumping any financial debt you might be carrying, embracing radical ideas may be necessary.  When Keith and I started making drastic changes to curb our spending habits and told my brother-in-law about it, he sent a text that read, “You’ve got some NURV!”  That acronym, borrowed from a movie, is exactly what I’ve been writing about in this recession-proof blog series: Never Underestimate Radical Vision.

Even daring to talk about becoming recession-proof three years into the worse recession of our lifetime, knowing most economists expect it to get worse before it gets better, takes a lot of NURV.  And creating a financial plan that keeps you on track should be just as radical.  And a weekly, bi-weekly or monthly allowance may just do the trick.

Everyone’s different but I’ll share with you my exact plan.  Each month, I deposit the same allowance amount into a personal checking account.  And Keith does the same.  I then withdraw 1/5^th of the total amount in cash.  That is what I give myself for the upcoming week. 

What’s great about an allowance being in a separate account is there is no extra money to spend.  Once it’s gone it’s gone so it forces me to spend wisely throughout each week and over the course of the month.  The reason I withdraw 1/5^th each week instead of 1/4^th is because I want to keep a little extra in the account just in case I come across a “want” I really, really want.

Listen, I realize this may be a little too “radical” for some.  Many like having more flexibility.  And I recognize one size does not fit all.  But what I can tell you is it’s worth a try.  Track your receipts this month – even for bubblegum – and tally them up at the end of the month.  Then separate the purchase receipts into two piles.  The first pile should be of items you purchased that were needed.  It is the total from this pile that should be used as a basis for determining your monthly allowance.

Test this for a few months and see how much you save.  Really, what do you have to lose?  If you don’t like it, go back to what you were doing before.  My desire is to see you debt-free and not participating in this recession.  And this is Step Five.

Next, we’re going to help you start freeing yourself from some of the bills hanging over your head by redefining the American Dream.  Understanding the difference between what the dream was meant to be and what it has become just might be the puzzle piece you were missing to begin pulling yourself out of debt.  Ready?  Let’s go.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 15,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

Hopefully, you’ve been following our blog series for the past few days and you know we’re doing something we’ve never done.  We’re talking about finances.  I came to the realization last week that many in this Club are likely in the same boat as most of this world, experiencing one of the worst recessions of our lifetime.

I also know that finances is one of the areas I love talking about most and helping others get out of debt, so I thought, “Why not help my fellow happy wives?”  With that goal in mind, I began a series of blog posts dedicated to helping you and your family become Recession Proof.  No matter where you find yourself in this mess of an economy, rest assured your family can rise above it.  This post is part three so I encourage you to go back and review the first two installments if you weren’t with us last week. 

You may have heard over the years about the 80/10/10 rule.  I grew up understanding this principle and was forced to abide by it in my parent’s home.  I say forced because what kids wants to give up 20% of their allowance each week?  But in our house, it was not an option. 

If you’ve not heard of the 80/10/10 rule, it’s quite basic: 10% of all your income is set aside for a tithe (giving), 10% is set aside as savings and the other 80% is spent as you deem best.  This is a formula you will hear most financial experts talk about and it is one Keith and I highly recommend and have come to follow ourselves.

But I concluded long before I met Keith that the 80/10/10 rule is a goal but  the 10/90 rule is a requirement.  Let me explain what I mean.  Before I continue writing, now is a good time to invite anyone who did not view the first blog on this topic to please click here.  There is a disclosure regarding this subject that’s important for you to read prior to joining us in this series entitled Recession Proof.

Okay, everyone’s read the disclosure?  Great.  Allow me to explain the 10/90 rule.  It’s quite simple and THE MOST IMPORTANT point I will make throughout this blog series.  There are 10 steps to creating a recession-proof marriage, household and overall life.  Step 4, in my opinion, is the absolute most important and if it is the only step you follow, I believe you will see a change in your life.  Now, you may not become recession-proof, but your financial situation will begin to improve.

And here it is…drumroll please… The first 10-percent of your income does not belong to you.  Forget about it.  It doesn’t exist.  It comes in and it immediately goes out.  It never has time to settle into your bank account, no interest ever grows on it.  You are solely a funnel.  It goes in and it goes out.  Period.

Did you know in the Bible there is only one place God tell us to test Him?  Yep, only one place.  And it’s Malachi 3:10, “’Test me in this,’ says the LORD Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.’”  Now, I know tons of people who love quoting this scripture but few who actually know what it is referencing. 

Let’s test your knowledge.  At the beginning of the scripture when God says, “Test me in this…”, what is “this” that He is referencing?  Well, if you know the answer to that question, you know about the 10/90 rule.  God is referring to tithing.  Giving the first ten-percent of your income to the church.

There has been a dispute about tithing as long as there has been arguments about varying theology.  Most people find it difficult to “give up” what they believe they own.  In addition, if you speak to 8 different people: a theologian, rabbi, priest, evangelical pastor, televangelist, online minister, director of a faith-based charity and director of a non-faith based charity, you will get 8 different answers to this one question, “Is giving a tithe required?”  And if even half could agree on it being required, none would agree on where the tithe should go.   

But if you speak with 8 wealthy individuals and ask the same question, you will likely get the same answer: YES!  They may disagree on whether the tithe needs to be given to the church or to a charity but they will agree on the tithe as being the minimum amount of income that should be given away.

Don’t believe me?  Go to the top of the Forbes Rich List and work your way down.  Better yet, look in the top personal finance books of all time.  All of them.  Even in Rich Dad Poor Dad, one of the best-selling (if not the best-selling) personal finance books of all time, author Robert Kiyosaki says regarding tithing, “If I could leave one single idea with you, it is that idea.”  He wrote an entire book on what his “Rich dad” taught him that “Poor dads” tend not to teach their children and tithing was one of the most important lessons.

Kiyosaki goes on to repeat something his rich dad would always say, “Poor people are more greedy than rich people.”  He also noted that his educated “Poor” dad gave a lot of his time and knowledge, but almost never gave away money.

I am no theologian and have no desire to be (although I’ve studied the Bible extensively over the past 15 years) so I can only share my personal story with you, as well as others I’ve come across throughout my lifetime.

Without exception, every person I’ve ever spoken with who has had ongoing financial challenges has not followed the 10/90 rule.  And without exception, every person who has decided to follow this rule consistently – especially, when in the midst of a major financial crisis — has seen their financial situation improve dramatically. 

I have no explanation for this phenomenon other than God loves a cheerful giver.  Giving is a matter of the heart.  So not only is this rule the most important to follow, doing so cheerfully is almost just as important.

When Keith and I fell in love, we did so over the phone.  We were introduced by someone else and hadn’t even met each other in person before we knew we’d likely spend the rest of our lives together.  After finally meeting for our first date, by the time we concluded the evening, we both knew this was the last relationship we would ever have.  We’d found our soulmate and it would be for a lifetime.

Now, let me share a secret with you.  If when Keith and I’d had our first discussion about tithing, if he’d told me he wasn’t comfortable with giving ten-percent of our collective income to the church, we likely would not be married today.  It makes me incredibly sad to even think about my life without Keith and I’m so happy I don’t have to beyond this moment and only for the purpose of writing this blog post.

Here is the reason I would not have married Keith if we were not on one accord regarding the necessity of giving away at least a tenth of our income: I knew our household would not be fully blessed.  Regardless of whether or not ministers can agree on tithing, I know the principle of tithing works and God, for whatever reason, continues to bless the hands and lives of those who tithe cheerfully.

Let me share my personal story with you.  I mentioned my parents taught me the 80/10/10 rule when I was young.  I’d get allowance and 10% would go in an envelope for church and 10% would go in an envelope for savings.  As I got older, I continued with giving the first ten-percent of my income to the church and saving another ten-percent.

But somewhere around my early 20’s I began “borrowing” from my tithes envelope.  Now, Keith says he thinks “borrowing” was better than not giving at all because at least I was acknowledging the tithe belonged to God.  I think he’s just being nice because he loves his wife.  Here’s what I know for sure.  As long as I was not taking the first 10% of my income and giving it to the church, I was always in debt.  No matter how much I made, I never had enough to make it to the next paycheck.  Hand-to-mouth was definitely my realization.

One day, I looked at my tithe envelope where I’d written all the money I’d “borrowed” (I literally had a makeshift entry journal on the front of the envelope so I didn’t forget how much I took) and knew there was no way I could pay it back.  I’d gotten in too deep.  So I prayed to God and asked Him to forgive me.  I then made a commitment I’ve never broken and is also the reason I would not have married Keith if he wasn’t committed to tithing, “Lord, if you get me out of this financial mess I will never borrow from your tithes again.  Never.”

And let me tell you something.  I’ve never broken that pledge and I’ve never had a financial difficulty since.  It took a little bit of time (maybe six months or so) for me to get out of the financial mess I’d made but I tithed from the moment I said that prayer and from that moment forward, the tithe has literally “passed” through my hands.  It does not stop even for a moment.  As soon as the money comes in, a check goes out.  Period.

But I don’t just believe in the principal of tithing because the wealthy do it and it is something I believe kept me from living hand-to-mouth for most of my adult life.  I believe it because I’ve also seen it work in the life of EVERY person I know who has committed to doing it.

Over the years, I’ve had the pleasure of helping people get their personal finances in order.  I never made a business of it, I simply enjoyed doing it.  But there has always been one condition in my agreeing to help.  They must tithe.  I don’t want to waste my time giving advice or spending resources trying to help someone organize their debt and spending habits to begin creating a “recession-proof” life if they’re not willing to tithe.

About ten years ago, a family member came to me and she and her husband were continuously having financial challenges.  It was not a rare occurrence for their lights to be turned off or to come home and they didn’t have gas or water.  It was taking a toll on their relationship and their overall life.

I made them a deal.  I would act as their business manager.  We would set up a household bank account where each of their paychecks would be deposited.  I would then give each of them an allowance to cover all of their needs and a reasonable amount of their wants each month (more on allowances and “needs vs. wants” tomorrow).  I would pay all their bills from their household account and supply them with a monthly statement so they’d know exactly how much they had and how much they were saving.

I agreed to do all of this under one condition and one condition only: they would have to begin tithing…immediately.  They could not argue with me about it.  They could never question it.  Ten-percent of their income, whether they understood why or not, would go to the church the moment their paychecks were deposited.

What happened over the next year I’m certain will not be a surprise to you.  Within a few months, my wonderful family members saw their crazy financial situation begin to stabilize.  They had several freelance jobs offered to them almost instantaneously that allowed even more money to begin coming in to pay off their debt.

Within a year, they were nearly debt-free and by the next year they were putting a down payment on a four-bedroom home in a beautiful California neighborhood.  And it probably also won’t surprise you that the home was offered to them at nearly half of its actual value.  They started off with equity in their home – and a lot of it.

Stories like this are not rare.  It has happened with every single person (and couple) I know who have begun tithing and committed to becoming better stewards of the other 90% of their income (more on a this tomorrow).  When a couple comes to me that has continuously had financial challenges, I always have two questions: 1) Are you tithing? and 2) What are you doing with the other 90%?

But even though I always have two questions, I only get a chance to ask one.  I never get to the second question because the first answer for those I’ve met struggling financially has always been “No.”  No, they’re not tithing.  And thus, I always know where to advise them to begin.

In the one instance where a couple responded that they’d been tithing.  Keith and I were both stumped.  We’d never run into an instance in which a couple having continuous financial challenges were also tithers.  We remained baffled for a few months until we learned the whole story.  The couple was tithing “when they could.”  Sometimes they would and sometimes they wouldn’t. 

Here is where it is truly a matter of the heart.  God knows if you’re giving 10% of your income, cheerfully, and consistently.  I know some find it difficult to give to a church.  And for good reason.  Many have abused the tithe.  Some of the biggest culprits of wasting financial resources are churches and ministers. 

I’m convinced the reason few congregants adhere to pastors and preachers on the importance of tithing is they’ve subconsciously disqualified them to deliver that message.  Many have subconsciously concluded that since pastors and preachers have something personal to gain from receiving the tithe, they are delivering a biased message.

So maybe you’ll consider listening to someone who has nothing to gain by telling you it’s not only wise to make tithing a staple principle in your household, I truly believe it is one of the fastest ways to begin rising from the ashes of a recession. 

Listen, I’ve heard all the arguments against tithing to the church.  I get it.  And in most instances, I agree.  BUT — and it’s a very big but – a church wasting resources is not a good enough reason to not give your tithe.  It is not wise to allow the poor decisions of a few churches, ministers, and televangelists to dictate your personal financial destiny.

Just as I said in an earlier post, it doesn’t matter if the entire country or world is in a recession, your household isn’t required to participate.  The same is the case with the tithe.  There are many churches out there doing great things with the tithe and doing what churches are supposed to do, which is help the poor, orphans, widows and children. 

When you look at third world countries, it’s the church that continues to spread the message of helping those in poverty and motivating millions of people annually to do something about it.  There are many churches out there and if yours isn’t one of them…find a new church.  But don’t withhold the tithe for your own financial sake.

There are many who say you can give 10% to a charity and it doesn’t have to go to the church.  Keith and I give to charities and prayerfully we will always have more than enough to do so.  But, personally, this giving is above and beyond our tithe and we consider it an offering.  In your household, you must decide what is right for you.  I am not able to give advice on tithing to a charity because I’ve never done it and I’ve never tested it out with other couples.

In the past, whenever someone has come to me with financial challenges, the first thing I tell them to do is begin giving.  It’s something about giving to the church that God just seems to honor.  And I’ve never had one couple (or person) continue to struggle after they’ve applied the 10/90 rule consistently.

We’ve talked about the first 10% and tomorrow we’ll talk about what to do with the other 90%.  It’s all about stewardship.  God gives abundantly to those He can trust to be good stewards.  And He takes away from those He cannot. 

Are you one God has entrusted with his wealth?  If you’re not sure, check your bank account.  It won’t tell a lie.  And if you don’t need to check your account to know you can do better, you’re already halfway there.  Determine to begin giving ten percent today because those who learn to live on less than 90% will always have more than those who live on 100.  It’s always been that way and it’ll always be that way.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 15,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

Uh oh, I’m about to dive into an area that’s a little touchy.  In most cases, I stick to talking about things and issues involving blue skies.  Even if those skies have a few clouds, they’re usually white and still make for a beautiful day.

But talking about money ventures into grey skies with grey clouds and an awful lot of rain pouring down on many households around the world.  So again, I know I’m going into some unchartered territory here so my hope is you won’t shoot the messenger.

Finances.  The number one cause for marital arguments has maintained one of the top two reasons for divorce in our country for as long as I’ve been alive.  Most couples begin in debt because of our infatuation with the perfect wedding and honeymoon.  When I was in the hotel business I was always amazed at the amount of money couples paid to get married.  A simple twenty-minute ceremony followed by food and dancing could easily (and oftentimes) climb into the hundreds of thousands of dollars.

So here we are with most married couples beginning their new life together in debt and clawing to get out.  Add on top of that the debt each person brought into the marriage and you have a recipe for disaster – from day one.  And if that wasn’t bad enough, mix in a bad economy, layoffs, foreclosures and who can even think straight at that point?

As a couple, Keith and I decided in 2008 that we would not participate in this recession.  We’d let it go on around us but we wouldn’t think about it, wouldn’t read about it and we certainly would not get involved in it.  This probably sounds like we’re in a bubble…and we are.  We created a bubble for ourselves and with much prayer and wisdom have continued to navigate the waters in these “interesting” times and we’ve spent zero time blaming the government, other people or the banks for anything that’s happened over the last three years.

We’ve done no blaming because we’ve not had time.  We were too busy putting things into action and getting our house in order.  We were making our lives “recession proof.”  So how did we do it and is it too late for you and your hubby to do it too?  It is absolutely not too late and my hope is you’ll join Keith and me in creating your own “bubble.”

Today’s posting has no actual details contained and that is because the blog posts related to finances comes must with a disclosure.  When I created this club, I did so with the intention that women from every race, religion and socio-economic background could benefit and would not skew toward any set group.  And I will continue to write blog posts with this in mind.

But when venturing into waters as deep as finances, I don’t know how to help you navigate without God as your ship captain.  I’ve never attempted to do that so I can’t give advice on it.  I can only speak from experience and in our household, God is the most important factor in all we say and do (many times we fail, but we always dust ourselves off and try again). 

I am sensitive to the fact that many members of this club may not believe in the God of my faith.  And the purpose of this blog is not to convince you otherwise.  So here is the DISCLOSURE: I’m launching a blog series on finances and will be sharing how Keith and I have managed not to participate in this recession.  But most of the principles we’ve followed come from the Bible, Dave Ramsey and Rick Warren. 

Please know that no matter your faith, I believe you can and will benefit.  But I wanted you to know there will be a faith-based component to my writings over the next week or so and I will respect your decision if you choose not to read them.  But if finances have been weighing heavily on your marriage, I think you might find it worthwhile to at least take a peak… 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

If you’ve been reading this blog for the past week or so you know I’ve been trying everything I know to create enough time each day to get all my various work and personal desires accomplished.  This has been a fleeting proposition for some time. 

Two weeks ago I mentioned I’d decided to no longer check my Facebook account or do any form of internet searching (read the news online, look at articles that pop up while trying to check my email, etc) except one day a week and for a limited amount of time that day.  This certainly gave me some time back as I realized I was probably wasting an hour or so a day looking at photos/status updates on FB and reading articles that really didn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things.

Then on Thursday, I made the grim discovery that even with all this change and a few others I still didn’t seem to have enough time.  Not because my work exceeded the 16 hours daily given to work (this excludes 8 hours I try to set aside to sleep each night) but because I had become unorganized.  A person who’d always prided herself in being organized had become…gulp…unorganized. 

I had a wake-up call which turned into my weekend confession (see blog with that title from Friday if you didn’t get a chance to read it.  Before I signed off last Friday, following a day of finally getting my home and work life organized, I determined this week would be different.

So I begin today with a renewed hope in my ability to love at my highest level and display a greater amount of patience than I have in a while.  As I mentioned last week, when I’m stressed or stretched too thin, I find that I make less time to smile at the grocery store clerk, respond to my team members with patience and grace, or just the basic things that allow the light inside of me to shine brightly. 

I can still proclaim I am a happy wife, as that is certainly the case, but I also must acknowledge the time allotted for my family seems to get smaller and smaller when my schedule begins to get the best of me.  I must figure out a way to get everything done and still maintain of balance of life, love and the existence of happiness.

So this week I am making another change and it is likely to be the greatest sacrifice or challenge to date.  I am increasing my work week to six days instead of five with one day off to rest, renew and be refreshed.  Due to changes in Keith’s workload, he’s also recently increased his work week to six days so thank God we’ll still be on the same schedule.  Instead of TGIF we’ll be saying, TGIS!

Sometimes the answers to our greatest challenges lie in our willingness to sacrifice.  Hopefully, for most of you that sacrifice doesn’t involve a six day work week.  But maybe it involves making better purchasing decisions during times when finances and resources are getting tighter.  I was talking to a woman on Saturday who shared with me she owns 100 pairs of shoes.  Quickly calculating in my head I said, there’s only 365 days a year so what in the world do you do with 100 pairs of shoes.  She admitted many are still sitting in the boxes without having been worn but she just loves shoes.

Sacrificing is rarely fun.  And quite frankly, I’d be perfectly fine to do without it.  But sometimes it is a necessary part of life, especially, when it comes to family and keeping a happy home.  Sacrifices related to time and money are probably the most difficult to make.  But so often we must decide to make them if we are to keep peace and harmony in our home and work place.

This week is going to be interesting.  But oddly enough, I already feel an incredible sense of relief knowing I can spread the work out over six days instead of five.  This sacrifice has now become my source of relief.  I wonder if the same will happen for you when you commit to making a sacrifice you know will increase the overall health of your family.

Let’s see.  If there is a sacrifice you know you need to make that you’ve been putting off, make this week the week you surrender and getter’ done.  Like me, you may find the sacrifice you’ve been resisting is the adjustment needed to finally allow you to bring balance to your life.

Until next time…make it a great day!

I don’t know why but for some reason when I think about having a healthy heart, I think of Cheerios.  Even though the FDA warned us a few years ago that the claims on the Cheerios box and in its commercials aren’t necessarily accurate, I still can’t stop associating a healthy heart with that honey nut box of O’s.

Maybe it’s years and years of commercials dancing around in my head or the fact that when I go down the cereal aisle I’m always tempted to pick up a box because, after all, who doesn’t want to have a healthy heart?  But for so many of us creating a healthy heart has far less to do with the myogenic muscular organ responsible for pumping blood through our body and a lot more to do with protecting our “heart” from allowing negative thoughts to enter.

In terms of love and feelings, when we talk about our heart we’re usually talking about the center of our being.  We recognize without a heart we fail to live.  And you can usually pick a person with a hardened heart out of a crowd.  They’re the one that has almost nothing good to say.  The world is coming to an end and the sky is falling before their very eyes.

On the other end of the spectrum is the person who walks in a room and lights it up with their smile, laughter, and overall love of life.  They are the person people gravitate to and want to know more about.  They have what so many are lacking and it is clear from the offset.  A heart that radiates.  A healthy heart. 

My Spanish professor is that way.  She is the strictest professor I’ve ever known and yet, her heart always shines through…especially, when talking about her husband.  It seems as though at some point throughout each class, she finds a way to slip in a mention of her husband.  How handsome he is or wonderful he has been or how her favorite things to do always involve her husband.  I’m not too sure how long they’ve been married but judging by the age of their two adult kids I’d say somewhere around 35 years.  And yet she still reminds me of a little girl experiencing her first crush on a boy.

I love seeing that.  There is something about listening to a happy wife that makes me smile.  And I bet you’re the same way.  The sparkle in their eye, the twinkle in their smile.  You can tell they’ve been eating their Cheerios!

Generally speaking, I’m a cheerful person.  I’m rarely upset and do my best to keep frustrations at bay.  But what I’ve learned is when I’m stressed, that light inside me quickly dims.  When my schedule is too full, I seem to have less time to say hello to people walking by or smile at the person serving me at a grocery store, gas station, etc.  I’m far more strict with staff and my patience is fleeting.

Yesterday, I was having a terrible day.  Nothing was wrong, I just felt overwhelmed.  The schedule I’d been keeping was finally catching up with me and I felt as though I was getting very little done.  You know that feeling when you have so much to complete you just stare at the work wondering where to begin?  All day, I felt this weight on me and couldn’t seem to shake it. 

Beginning at about 1pm I could barely keep my eyes open.  I was tired (even though I slept a full eight hours the night before) and was dragging through the day.  This is definitely not a productive state of being.  So around 4pm, I stopped what I was doing, popped in my yoga DVD and got to work.  Although I was tired, I knew if I could push my body to its limit, somehow I’d feel better on the other side.

I’m a huge fan of power yoga (aka Vinyasa).  I’m not a chanter, I don’t eat vegan granola and I certainly don’t speak Sanskrit, but I love yoga.  I’ve been practicing it for at least 7 years now and in a perfect world I’d do it five times a week.  Yesterday reminded me why.  At the beginning of the video, the instructor tells viewers to place their hands in front of their heart and set an intention for their practice (this is common with all forms of yoga).  My intention was to release any and all negative energy I was carrying and to finish refreshed and energized to take on the mounting pile of work on my desk.

I began with deep inhalations, inhaling the breath from my toes to the crown of my head and then exhaling it in a huge push out of my mouth.  I did this several times to begin the practice and several times lying on my back to end it.  Forty-five minutes later, when the video ended, I was a renewed person ready to tackle all the work before me.  I prayed for wisdom in knowing how to dissect my work and still complete it all with excellence.  My prayer was answered and thus began the beginning of a wonderful day – at 5pm!

When Keith called just a little while later and said, “How was your day?”  I was able to answer with all honesty that it was great.  It definitely started off a bit rocky but nothing I needed to bore him about.  The bottom line is all was great at that moment and all had been reconciled from earlier in the day.

We all need a release.  For some it’s reading a book.  For some it may be running, Pilates, practicing yoga or some other form of exercise.  For many it’s praying and/or meditating.  For me, it’s usually a combination of yoga and prayer.  Whatever it is, there are always times when we can use a boost to get over a hump. 

Do you know what allows you to release negative energies in your life?  Maybe it’s just me and you don’t have these experiences to which I say, “Kudos!  I really want to be your friend!”  But for those who do have challenging days or negative feelings that seem to come out of nowhere, how do you get over them without pulling anyone else into that space with you?  When you get in a funk do you stay there or do you push your way out? 

Although I don’t experience days like this often, what I’ve discovered is finding a way to deal with them without dragging my husband, family or friends down is incredibly beneficial for all.  I am grateful I didn’t speak to my husband most of the day because he didn’t need to have any additional weight dropped on him.  He loves me immensely so I know he would have spent time and thought trying to figure out how to make my day better.  But he also has more than enough pressure at work, as do most of our husbands, so why burden him with something I could (and should) resolve myself? 

This, I believe, is the thought of a healthy heart.  As much as possible, I always want to give the best of myself.  When things aren’t perfect and you’re feeling down, how do you encourage yourself?  How do you get your heart pumping again and actively operating as your life source?  Yesterday, for me it was yoga.  Some days it’s breathing deeply and reminding myself over and over of how grateful I am to have a husband who loves me, a wonderful family, and the many other blessings this life has to offer.

My goal each day is to live my life to the fullest and I can only do that with a heart full of love, compassion and grace.  Not just grace toward others but grace toward myself.  Yesterday was tough and I promised myself that portion of the day – before I got my heart right – would be a distant memory.  And after I sign off on this blog, I assure you it will be.

Until next time…make it a great day!