Ask yourself this question.  And make sure to be honest with yourself.  When your husband walks out the door, how often do you pause to say “I love you” or give him a kiss?  How often do you think to yourself, “I never know what this day may bring so I’m going to make sure he knows before he walks out that door just how much I love him?”

Sometimes I wonder if we too often take for granted when our spouse closes that door he will be certain to return.  Keith and I were scheduled to head to Europe this week.  We were both traveling on business.  But all that changed when I was brought in recently as a senior advisor on a large project.  Now, I can’t leave and it breaks my heart.  Not because I’ll miss Europe (I’ll still be coming in June or July) but because I’ll miss Keith more than I can express in this post.

Thinking about this last night, I became a bit sad.  He’ll be gone for a week.  I pray he’ll be safe.  I trust he’ll return home safely.  But nothing in life is guaranteed.  So I’ll love him.  I’ll love him every moment of every day for the next three days until he departs on that plane.  And then I’ll love him every day while he’s away in anticipation of his return home.  And once he comes back home, I’ll wrap my arms around him and love him every moment of every day just because…

Nothing in life is guaranteed.  Tomorrow is never promised.  Today is all we have to love, love, love like this day is our last.  So the next time your hubby begins to head for the door, grab his hand, look him in his eyes and make sure he knows how much you love him.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 28,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

When Keith and I met, I had no filter.  I’m not kidding.  No filter at all.  I’d always reasoned that being an honest person and open about how I felt was much better than “sugar coating” my words.  I’m still not very good with sugar coating or wrapping my words up and tying them with a bow but I have learned the importance of speaking through a filter.

Each year, on December 31st, Keith and I go to a casual restaurant and review our goals for the previous year and to establish new ones for the upcoming year.  This year, I wrote on my index card which contains all my goals, an acronym that has begun to govern every aspect of my life: NJLG.  This acronym has changed the way I speak to people and often times stops me cold in my tracks.

NJLG: No Judgment.  Love.  Grace.

Every word.  Every thought.  I now run it through my NJLG filter.  I ask myself, “Am I judging?  Are the words being spoken in love?  Am I administering grace?”  I will be the first to say I fall flat on my face with this at times.  I fail in a major way.  I forget to pause and ask myself those three important questions before I part my lips.  But then I quickly regroup and do my best to begin anew.  

Similar to a water filter, your words filter needs to be replaced regularly to continue purifying.  I must continuously remind myself to use this filter and when I forget, I must immediately place that filter back on my lips to ensure no additional words leave my mouth without first running through this filter.  It’s not always easy, but as I’ve matured in life, I’ve learned it is absolutely necessary.

If there is one relationship in your life that deserves an NJLG filter, it’s the one with your husband.  Do not judge; presume innocence.  Speak in love.  Administer grace with your words.  If you can manage to remind yourself daily to place this filter over your lips, your marriage will grow and improve, and so will you.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 27,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

The feedback from this 3-part interview with Sheila Wray Gregoire has been outstanding.  I loved her from the moment I met her online.  She’s relatable with practical advice and she has clearly resonated with each of you.  I talked to my sister last night and she mentioned how she couldn’t wait until today to read part 3.  So, Christy Joy, this one’s for you.

If you haven’t had a chance to read part one or part two, I highly recommend going back and reading them.  They were fantastic and all about sex (a subject we love here at the Happy Wives Club).  In part 3, our interview pivoted from sex as she continued to share with me the top 5 things she and her husband do regularly (or beliefs she has) which they believe contribute to their happy and loving relationship.

When I first posed the question to her regarding her “top 5” list, it wasn’t a healthy sex life that came to her mind first as discussed in the first two installments of this interview.  Her number one answer was something I’ve heard time and time again from happy wives all over the world: “Even when we were having difficulties, he was always my best friend and I think that’s what kept us close.  We’ve always been able to just laugh together.”   

So many of us take our lives so seriously.  We forget the healing power of a smile and a bit of laughter.  Do you remember that scene from the movie Mary Poppins in which laughter caused them to feel so light-hearted they became weightless and even gravity could not ground them?  That’s what laughter does in marriage.  It fills our heart with glee.  It allows us to throw away all the cares of the world, even if only for the moment, and to be overtaken by something much greater.

“You have to laugh,” Sheila insists.  “But if you’re going to be able to laugh, you have to do more things together.  I think a lot of couples don’t do anything together except logistical stuff, like going to the store, taking the kids to soccer practice, etcetera” she continued.  “But you have to find something you can do together, even if it’s not something you necessarily like.  If he’s into fishing, take up fishing.  Even if you think worms are disgusting, just do it.  Do something together because if you’re spending time together [doing hobby-related things] you’ll relax more and you’ll naturally laugh more.”  

This point naturally led into the final 3 things she believes have been pivotal for her marital success. Because the length of this interview has extended well beyond what you are accustomed to reading from me, and I don’t want you to this to go song long you might miss some invaluable lessons, I’m going to list her final three points just as she said them to me with no additional commentary:

1. Eat dinner together and without a television.  “We got rid of the TV 17 years ago.  We have one but we watch movies only…no channels.  Even pulling the high chairs up when the kids were little.  We always made it a priority because it’s one of the few times you talk about non-logistical things. And when you start being lazy about dinner and say there’s no point, then you lose a lot.  Eating dinner is a big thing.
2. Make sure your priorities are in the right order.  “I always figured I wanted to be a better wife than a better mother.  Because if you’re going to be a good mom you’ve got to be a good wife because what your kids need is to know that you are rock-solid.  I’ve just always tried to put my marriage first and my kids have not suffered for it in the least.  My kids are very secure and very happy.  I’ve seen a lot of marriages where the mothers have done the opposite and it’s dangerous.  You have to put your husband first.  And if that means you put your kids in bed a half hour early with a book and tell them they’re not allowed out of their room so you can have some along time, you do it.  Or if it means that Johnny really, really wants to take soccer but that means you’re never going to be home as a family because you’ll be on the road every weekend of the summer, you say no.  Because you got to have that strong marriage.  And that absolutely has to come first.”
3. Stay connected.  Sheila and her husband, Keith, take a walk together every night after dinner to connect (except when it’s cold because they live in Canada).  She found when she’s in the house, she always wants to be doing something, fold laundry, dishes, sweep, etc.  But when they go outside, she and her husband are able to talk and truly connect.  “Coming together at the end of the day,” she tells me, “is so important.  Women need to do that because when you’ve got all that stuff inside you from what’s happened all day, worried about the teacher and what they said about Johnny’s report card, you’re worried about your schedule and your mother’s doctor appointment and stuff, and if you don’t get that out, then you’re not going to be able to relax.  It’s like you’ve got ping pong going on in your head , all these thoughts going back and forth, so you need this time with your husband to share (dinner, a walk, etc).    

As I’ve continued interviewing happy wives of 20+ years for our Sage Wisdom column, one of the common threads between each interview and conversation is this: You have to take the time to connect at the end of the each day.  Whether that is a simple debriefing about your day over a glass of wine, dinner with the family, a stroll around the block, it doesn’t seem to matter how you do it as long as you are each other’s place of rest at the end of each day.  You husband needs to express his thoughts for the day and vice versa.  I do something simple that I found helpful.  I ask my husband at the end of his day, “What was your high?  What was your low?”  It allows him to share with me those two points, not spend too much time elaborating on them (unless he wants) and then rest in my arms.  And it allows me to always stay connected to him knowing exactly how he feels at the end of each day.

It doesn’t matter how you do it, just find a way to connect with your hubby at the end of each day and take the time to laugh.  They say “milk does a body good” but I think scientists around the world will that milk does not do nearly as much for the mind, body and soul as laughter does.  Friends, I hope you learned as much from my interview with Sheila as I did these past few days.  Wishing you a beautiful weekend with your family.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!   

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I got quite comfortable with an interesting word yesterday: libido.  Today, we’re continuing with part two of my interview with Sheila Wray Gregoire with Love, Honor & Vacuum and we’re talking about sex, the libido and what your attitude toward both has to do with a great marriage.  If you didn’t have a chance to read part one, I highly recommend going back as that will give proper context for the remainder of this interview.  We’re picking up where we left off yesterday…

“When you don’t feel like ripping his clothes off,” Sheila continues, “you therefore feel like you’re not in the mood.  So you say no.  But in women, desire and arousal usually follows.  It’s a part of making love but it doesn’t always precede it.  For men it does but for women it follows.  So if we just decide we’re going to jump in, our bodies will usually follow.  But we need to make that decision.”  Interesting, I thought.  But doesn’t that make sex with our spouse a bit transactional?  Apparently not. 

“I don’t know if you heard that ‘men are like microwaves and women are like slow cookers thing?” Sheila asked.  “Well, it’s not true…  Here’s why I don’t’ think it’s true.  It implies that women are going to heat up.  And the truth is a woman will not heat up.”  Uh oh, we’re treading some deep waters here because I’ve certainly heard the argument for women heating up.  But what Sheila said next made even more sense, “A woman has to be the one to turn the switch. A man can’t turn it for her.  You could be lying in bed and he could be doing the exact same thing he did two nights ago and two nights ago it was wonderful and tonight you’re just thinking get it over with because I want to get to sleep.  And if that’s what’s going on in your head, you’re not going to get aroused no matter what he does because we control the switch.”

Sheila contends that was a huge lesson for her to learn, that it was her attitude toward sex that mattered far more than anything else.  And if she just got a positive attitude about it, if she intently thought tonight she’s going to jump in and have fun.  Her body usually followed.  It didn’t always, she made sure to mention, but usually it would.

“It all came down to me making the decision,” Sheila continued.  “I think what a lot of women are doing is waiting to feel aroused and you’re waiting to feel aroused, you’re never going to do it.”  I was beginning to understand why attitude truly determined libido.  But I also wanted to know why she thinks sex in marriage is so important.  I know why I think it but wanted to hear her thoughts.  “It’s one of the few ways you can truly connect on all three levels at the same time: physically, spiritually and emotionally,” she responded. 

“When most people think of sex, they think only of the physical.  And I’m not saying the physical isn’t good, the physical is great.  But sex is so much more than that.  It’s such a deep knowing where you really, really know each other and you’re totally vulnerable to each other.  Totally bare together.  And if we’re not connecting that way, we’re truly losing out on true intimacy.  I think we underestimate how much we need that because we think it’s all physical and it’s not.  Guys need it, obviously, perhaps more than we do but,” she added, “women usually misunderstand a man’s need for sex.”

So what do men really need and what do we, as women, truly need when it comes to sex?  First of all, Sheila contends, men are not like lizards.  They aren’t just looking to have sex and although their bodies do need sexual release, that cannot be the reason you give yourself to your husband physically.  “A lot of women think since he needs it, they’ll do it and turn to him and say, ‘So you wanna?’ with just about that lever of enthusiasm,” Sheila says.  “But you’ll have sex and then be lying there the whole time with a shopping list going through your head.”  I can relate!  I’ve certainly had that happen to me at times.  And I have to figure out how to shut off the switch.  How to stop the grocery list from running in my head so I can enjoy the moment.  So I asked her, “How do you, when your brain is going crazy and you have a checklist running in your mind, how do you personally shut that off so you and your husband can be together intimately?”  I was so grateful for her response because I knew it would help me in my own relationship.

“It’s really hard but I think it was something I realized about 3 years ago, so it took 17 years of marriage,” she chuckled.  “We had a fairly decent sex life but there were times when I thought, ‘I’ve got too much on my mind’ and I’d think, ‘I just can’t have sex right now.’  But what I found is I never slept well those nights anyway.  Because you sleep better after sex.”  True!  I always fall asleep immediately following sex and so does my hubby.  Sheila explained why, “Your body physically relaxes much more following sex.  Once you decide to let go, you feel as though you’ve fully connected.” 

So how has that manifested in her sex life?  “Now, I’m almost the opposite.  I think, ‘Oh my goodness, I’ve got so much on my mind.  Come here, you gotta put me to sleep.’”  She said she actually says that to him sometimes, “You’ve got to put me to sleep.”  When you say “no” to sex because you have so many thoughts going on in your head, you end up laying there tossing and turning and the thoughts don’t go away.  But when you connect with your husband, you’ll likely go to sleep faster and will sleep better.  When you start seeing this has a side benefit, you have a much more positive attitude about it.”

Better sex = sleep better.  And another positive result of a healthy sex life she points out is your husband will feel good not just physically but emotionally, “For men, it’s not just sexual release that they need as much as it is that sense that you want them.  That you’re engaged in the process.    They don’t want to be placated, they want to be wanted.  A guy who is getting regular sex from his wife who he feels wants it is, oddly enough, not as concerned about frequency.  However, if you have sex with your husband several times a week and never initiate it but are just lying there, he’s going to be asking you about it every day.  He needs that reassurance that you find him attractive.  He needs that reassurance that you desire him.  What he needs is that connection because that’s his doorway into intimacy.  So maybe if we understood that we’d think about it a little less like a physical thing and more like a deep intimacy thing, which is what it is supposed to be.”

Great point.  So is good sex the most important part of a loving and healthy marriage?  Not according to Sheila.  The number one thing on her Top 5 list for things they do or believe that attributes to their awesome marriage is: Laugh a lot.

Join me here Friday for the final installment of this interview with Sheila Wray Gregoire.  If you learned something over the last two days, you definitely want to return Friday because it only gets better.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 27,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

I am a lifelong learner.  My goal is to find success in every aspect of my life. In order to do attain this lofty ambition, I know I can never get to a place where I think there is nothing more for me to learn.  One of the biggest mistakes people make -especially those of us who are marriage advocates or counselors- is believing our relationship is too great to fail.  That’s a bunch of hogwash.  We can all make mistakes…big ones.  We can all grow apart in our relationships if we don’t take the time to nurture and protect our love and spouse. 

It is with this knowledge I have made it my personal mission to learn as much about marriage as possible.  Every week, I’m hoping to bump into a couple who will sew words of wisdom in my heart.  Every year, my goal is to have a stronger love and marriage than the year before.  My marriage is phenomenal.  I can honestly say that.  But that will not keep me from desiring it to grow stronger every moment of every day.

Throughout this year, I will take time regularly to interview a woman happily married for at least 20 years or more, and will share what I’ve learned from her with you.  Today, I have the pleasure of posting an interview I conducted last week with Sheila Wray Gregoire with Honor, Love & Vacuum, who proudly proclaims she and her husband have been “happily married for 14 years and have been married for 20.”  Hmmm…that leaves 6 years unaccounted for I immediately thought.  Well, she certainly had the explanation.

“We had such a lousy first couple years of marriage,” Sheila said early on in our interview.  She and her husband were both in school, she was getting her masters and her husband was a pediatrician doing his residency.  He worked 120 hours each week.  On top of that, within the first 5 years, they had 4 pregnancies and only two of the children survived.  One was lost through a miscarriage and the second was born but only survived through his first month.  It was rough.  Really, really rough. 

I asked her what the turning point was in their marriage after 6 year of difficult times, “A lot of it was our son’s death,” she said.  “You have a choice when you go through something like that.  Either you’re going to pull together or you’re going to pull apart.  And we just decided that we’d already lost our son, we weren’t going to lose each other too.”  She continued, “I think walking through something like that can bring you really, really close of pull you apart and for us it brought us closer.”  Thank God for that because today we will all benefit from the great wisdom she and her husband have gained regarding marriage over the past two decades.

Following the death of their son, and their subsequent bonding together, I wanted to know if continued to grow closer together through adverse times or was it a one-time thing.  Her response was not one I expected.  It almost came completely out of left field.  But now knowing her a bit more, I understand how our conversation so quickly pivoted from talking about tough times to what makes a great sex life.  Are you confused at that pivot too?  Don’t worry…it’ll all make great sense in just a moment.

With every interview I conduct for our Sage Wisdom column, I ask the same question of the interviewee, “What are the top 5 things you and your husband do regularly or believe that attribute to having a healthy and loving marriage?”  When I posed this question to Sheila, she responded without hesitation by saying the one thing they always had going for them in their marriage, even throughout the tough times, was a good relationship. However, she was quick to point out what was lacking in their good relationship, in her opinion, was a good sexual relationship.  And that was something she intently worked on to improve.

A good sexual relationship did not come natural to Sheila.  I can relate.  It didn’t come natural to me either.  “In the early years,” she said, “I thought he was the equivalent of a lizard wanting it so much and that men are shallow.”  But then she realized how important it was for couples to maintain a healthy and active sex life.  So, what is one of her Top 5 beliefs in her own marriage: Attitude determines your libido.  Do you remember the famous line from the movie Jerry McGuire, “You had me at hello?”  Well, Sheila had me at libido. 

She explained, “For women, sex is almost entirely in our heads.  When we see people on the television screen and both are ripping their clothes off, we think both are aroused and they’re both totally hot for each other and everything is all great.”  When she said that, I knew where she was going with it and quickly chimed in, “We want that movie scene.”  So often we forget the sex scenes we see on TV and on the movies are highly orchestrated affairs.  You don’t just have the two people on the screen in a room by themselves.  They’re surrounding by directors, producers, assistants, sound men and scores and scores of others.  If one of the actor’s heads aren’t tilted at the exact degree to show the kiss at the right angle, they’ll likely here, “Cut!” and then be given instructions on how to tilt their head prior to attempting to film the scene again. 

We generally have this misperception that sex on television and in the movies is the way it should be.  We somehow get this wacky impression that what we see on the silver screen is real.  And that couldn’t be farther from the truth.  It’s fiction…or at least an incredibly exaggerated version of the truth.  Are there times when you will want to rip your partner’s clothes off?  Yes!  I hope so.  But will there always be fireworks or as Kirstie Alley said about a kiss in the movie It Takes Two, “High fly ball over the left field wall?”  Probably not. 

So what do you do when you don’t feel like ripping his clothes off?  What do you do when you feel like your sex life is stuck in a rut?  Well, I can tell you what to do tomorrow: Join us for part two of this fascinating interview with Sheila.  I can tell you my sex life has already improved just by talking to her and I think I had a pretty dandy one to begin with…so join me here tomorrow (same bat time, same bat channel) and let’s keep talking about that fabulous word: libido.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 26,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

I can’t wait until Tuesday!  When I first began this Club, one of the things I wanted to do most was interview seasoned wives; those happy in love after 25+ years of marriage.  Then life happened…  I soon realized conducting interviews and then writing full length articles was far more difficult than I anticipated.  So I did four interviews and then stopped.

As I was writing the above sentence, I realized I’d conducted four interviews but had only written three articles.  Yikes!  I took an hour out of someone’s day to interview them and never even wrote the article for the site.  And now that I think about it, I don’t even know where the notes for that interview might be or the name of the person I interviewed.  

One of the greatest challenges with interviewing and writing the Sage Wisdom column was the amount of time required to do it: at least 3 straight hours.  I’d conduct the interview for approx. 45-60 minutes, write notes, and then I’d have to write the article immediately while the interview was still fresh on my mind.  I didn’t want to forget the context of each comment or the overall conversation.  But given my work schedule, how in the world would I allocate blocks of time that large?  And therein lied the problem. 

That was until two weeks ago when I had a nifty new idea.  Why don’t I just find a recorder that can tape my interviews over the phone and simply go back and write the articles later.  I wouldn’t need to write notes during my call, which would allow me to ask more natural questions, and I wouldn’t need to carve out a four-hour window at one time.

Beginning Monday, I will begin updating the Sage Wisdom column with interviews regularly.  There is no better way to learn about how to be happy and successful in marriage than to learn from those who have already succeeded.  The first interview I’ll be posting is with Sheila Wray Gregoire, a wife of more than 20 years who likes to say, “We’ve been married for 20 years and happily married for the past 14 years.”  I learned so much in my interview with her and I look forward to sharing that with you.

Until Tuesday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 26,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

This is only the third man we’ve had guest post on Happy Wives Club.  It’s my pleasure to introduce you to a fabulous blogger, George Levy.  Enjoy!

As I write this post, I am looking outside the window of our city apartment, and I can’t help but notice the few people walking down the street, all wearing their warmest winter gear.  The sky is gray and cloudy and the temperature outside is 29F, but the wind chill factor makes it feel like 18F.

Once again, for the second week in a row, it’s the coldest, gloomiest day of the week… And once again, it falls on a Sunday.

But as a happily married husband, I am as happy as can be.

Why I No Longer Need it to be Sunny on Sundays.

While many people would consider this to be the worst way to ruin a weekend day, I can’t help but feel happy and grateful.

Now – let me first clarify something before you jump to conclusions…

I wouldn’t mind one bit if today were a beautiful sunny day to go outside and enjoy the weather.

But, here’s the deal – I can’t change the weather and no amount of wishing will warm things up.

So…

Making Today a Great Sunday With My Wife – Our Way.

Having accepted that today there is no “going outside” for fresh air and a nice walk, my wife Yvonne and I instead took the opportunity to stay indoors together and make our Sunday as good as it can be.

I am proud and happy to say that I consider my Yvonne my absolute best friend in the world, and I could not think of anybody more fun and enjoyable to spend the day at home on a dark, chilly Sunday. 

“Ugly Sunday” Used to Be “No Fun Day”

I remember my life before I was married…

An ugly Sunday would completely have ruined my weekend. I can just see myself sitting at home looking out the window feeling sorry and depressed… Maybe I’d risk heading out to drop in on another single friend? Perhaps someone would brave the elements to come and visit? Flip the channels to see what was on TV… Even when I was dating, I simply did not have the level of intimacy and companionship that I have in my married life with Yvonne.

I’m SO glad that’s not my case anymore…

When the weather gets ugly now, Yvonne and I can always just make waffles…

Today, when Yvonne and I woke up and saw the dismal weather, Yvonne immediately went into the kitchen and began cooking one of her delicious, special Sunday morning breakfasts. 

I am so grateful for all she does and the personal attention she puts on making me happy, always going out of her way to cook something extra special for us (today it was eggs and waffles… Delish!)

This is a far cry from what a cold rainy Sunday used to mean to me, and I feel so fortunate that I have the chance to share a home with her.

Married life gives me that opportunity – and I get Waffles also… Bonus!

Marriage as a Lifetime Commitment to Each Other’s Happiness

Yvonne and I have been married for 7½ years. During that time, we’ve had our share of challenges and difficulties ranging from finances to health scares, to family and career issues…

I won’t say that every day has been easy and we have had many situations that have heavily stressed and strained our relationship.

But I will say without a doubt, that being married and assuming the responsibility for all that it entails has helped us both successfully go through all those challenging moments.

In other words, being together as a married couple has helped us deal far better with all those difficult situations, than if each of us would have attempted to tackle them on our own.

Yvonne makes me a better me… And I work hard to do the same for her.

I know that I am a much better person because of Yvonne and for all that she helps me achieve. And in return – I live up to my side of the relationship and do everything I possibly can to help her be the best person she can be.

I believe this approach of always looking out for what is best for each other is one of the key reasons for our happy marriage.

I really mean it when I say that “I love being happily married.“ That applies to good times and bad times… On warm, sunny days when everything is rose colored… and also on dreary, dark and cold days when everything seems gray and gloomy.

That is one of the key things that I love about my marriage and married life:

No matter what the weather – or life – throws our way, we can always trust that we will have each other in our corner for support, friendship, love… and even waffles.

About George and Yvonne Levy:  George and Yvonne Levy are the creators of I Love Being Happily Married, an online magazine focused on Happy Marriage skills and education, and conceived with the global mission of Spreading the Joy of Marriage.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 25,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

Today’s guest post is by Ashley, a fabulous blogger friend.  It is my hope you will learn as much from her as I have since stumbling upon their marriage blog months ago.  Enjoy!

I’ve known my husband since we were two years old.  That being said, we are still quite new to marriage.  While I am a happy wife, I have to admit that I never imagined how much work it can take at times to maintain a happy marriage.  One of the most trying times we’ve had (and this surprised me) was right after we got married. 

After the wedding was over, the gifts were unwrapped, and we had returned from our honeymoon, we fell into a bad routine.  Between work, mortgage payments and other obligations we seemed to stop having fun together like we used to.  As if overnight the passion, butterflies and spontaneity seemed to vanish. What happened to the man I fell in love with? It was then that I realized he was probably asking the same questions to himself.  We got so caught up in the mundane details of life that we had forgotten to live. 

That’s when I had a brilliant idea to break us out of our rut – I started dating my husband all over again.  I know it’s not rocket science, but the simple idea of turning off the TV, getting up from the couch, and going out together once per week has revolutionized our relationship.  We laugh more, tell better stories, and have new things to talk about. 

What I found most surprising was that after talking to friends, I discovered that I wasn’t alone and I wondered if other people might benefit from my experience. That was over 6 months ago and my husband and I have been dating weekly ever since. Through all of our new experiences we’ve grown a lot and learned plenty about ourselves and our relationship. In the hope that I can help other wives beat their boring routines, here are 5 things I’ve learned from dating my husband. 

1. Make it a priority

As I said before, life can get in the way of living and the only way around it is to make your relationship a priority.  Plan a date night and stick to it.  Whether it’s once a week or once a month is up to you but once you’ve planned your night, don’t cancel or reschedule because something else comes up.  If you don’t make your relationship a priority – no one else will do it for you. 

2. Take a risk

Try something new.  One of my favourite dates was an introductory scuba diving lesson at a community pool.  I’ve always wanted to try scuba diving, but to be honest, I’ve always been a little too scared.  Driving to the pool my husband confessed that he was nervous too!  We agreed that together we would face our fears and support each other.  The date was a huge success and we both loved it.  On our next vacation we made it a priority to go scuba diving in open water.  We would never have that incredible experience if we didn’t take a risk with our date night. 

3. Have fun

Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourselves.  You don’t need to book bungee jumping lessons if that’s not your style.  Since starting this project, some of my best memories have been stay-at-homes dates with good food (and good wine) talking until all hours of the night. Pushing yourself can be fun, but relaxing at home can be just as rewarding.

4. Take turns planning dates

It’s important that you both take responsibility in planning date nights.  This is a relationship that you are in together and it should mean as much to both of to keep things interesting. As an added bonus you get to enjoy anticipating dates that the other has planned. 

5. Choose happiness

Fawn once wrote that “happiness is a choice”.  I choose to be happy.  I choose to put my marriage at the top of my priority list.  I choose to get up off the couch and go out with my husband, no matter how tired I am after work.  I choose to laugh, have fun and try new things.  I choose to be a happy wife. 

Do you have regular date nights with your husband? What are your favourite things to do?  What are your secrets to maintaining your happy marriage?

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Ashley and her husband write about their date night adventures at www.neveradulldate.com  Each week Never a Dull Date reviews a creative date idea and offers tips, highlights and potential pitfalls so that you can make the most out of your next date. Whether it’s your first, fifth or five hundredth date, we’re sure that Never a Dull Date will help to keep your dating life from ever getting boring!

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I am grateful for the sun that rose over the boats on the marina this morning The sun rising over our “backyard”

I am grateful I have the opportunity to walk by those boats every morning to begin my day

I am grateful for a husband who woke me up this morning with a kiss

I am grateful for the warm cup of decaf coffee this morning, three teaspoons of cream and Splenda

I am grateful for four wonderful sisters and one brother

I am grateful for both of my parents being just a short drive away

I am grateful for my career albeit incredibly hectic at times

I am grateful for the fragranced candle burning to soothe my morning

I am grateful for food in the fridge, running water, electricity and a nifty trash chute

I am grateful for the restful sleep last night and in advance for even better sleep this weekend

I am grateful God’s plan is masterful and he knows so much more than me

I am grateful for this fabulous laptop I have sitting in front of me as I stay warm near the heater

I am grateful.  I am grateful.  I am grateful.

At times, life can be a bit of a whirlwind and right now is one of those times.  But I hold on to my gratefulness.  It guides me through each day.  The first thing I say at the beginning of the day and the last words I speak before I fall asleep at night: Thank you.

Today, as an innumerous number of thoughts pass through your mind, pause for a moment and simply say thank you.  You have so much to be grateful for, as do I.  So let’s head into the weekend with a grateful heart and an intention to live in the moment.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

I adore my husband.  Have you gotten tired of me saying that yet?  It’s not just that he’s one of the most wise and humble men I know.  And it’s not only because he loves me to pieces.  It’s because of all the achievements in my brief 35-year life, my greatest honor is being my husband’s wife.

Sometimes I think about what each of you, on the other side of this web page, must be thinking when you read my words.  Here I am, this businesswoman who spends all day managing multiple teams, two companies and a never-ending list of tasks.  And yet, my favorite subject is the love of my life.  In the middle of the day, no matter how busy either of us are, we pause to call each other and simply say I love you.

Keith is the only person in my cell phone with a special ring tone.  When he calls, the song that plays is Easy Silence by the Dixie Chicks.  When I think about the lyrics of this song, I’m reminded of why I feel so fortunate to be loved and cared for by such a wonderful man:

Easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me

No matter how crazy my day may be or how hectic this life has become, I receive a call from my love and all is well.  We both take solace in the voice of each other.  It’s our serenity in the middle of a clamorous day.  Each of those calls (and we do call each other alot) represent a still point in this turning world.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 24,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

I can’t believe Keith and I crashed a wedding.  We’re now officially wedding crashers!  It was one of the most beautiful weddings we’ve ever witnessed.  We were both misty-eyed throughout the reciting of the vows and cheered when they were announced husband and wife.  The only thing different about this wedding than all others we’ve attended was we not know the bride and groom.  Not only did we not know the bride and groom, we didn’t even know anyone who knew them.

Before you begin to think Keith and I are off our rocker, please allow me to put this into proper context.  Last Sunday, we got a late start so rather than attending the church where we’re members, we visited a local church with later service times.  

Upon entering the church lobby, we were asked if we were there for the wedding.  ”Nope.  Just for the church service,” we responded.  The greeter smiled and pointed us in the right direction.  Once we’d entered the church auditorium, I noticed a white runner trimmed in rose petals down the center isle.  We were directed to seat in the section just to the right of it.

This church has the most phenomenal praise and worship team we’ve ever heard.  Keith and I wrapped one arm around the other and swayed side-to-side, singing songs of praise to God.  After the last song, we all sat down and the woman on the stage announced we would all be witnesses to the greatest blessing on earth.

Immediately following the announcement, the groom and his best man came out and stood on the stage as two little girls began walking down the isle dropping rose petals from their baskets.  People in the audience began to cheer.  Clearly, they were expecting this.  Next, the matron of honor walked down the isle followed a few minutes later by the beautiful bride and her father.  

Once the bride was halfway down the isle, the microphone was passed to the groom who finished singing the remainder of the song.  He serenaded his bride for her final 10-15 steps.  By this time, I was already sniffling.

Wiping tears with end of my shirt sleeve, I smiled from ear-to-ear, absolutely beaming with excitement.  The bride and groom exchanged vows – some of the most beautiful Keith and I have ever witnessed – and then the groom asked if he could say vows to the two flower girls.  Apparently, the girls were daughters of the bride and he wanted to pledge not to replace their biological father but to always be their “second dad.”  It was touching.  Moving.  I cried. 

Fast forward to the end of the wedding, they were named husband and wife, kissed and embraced, and Keith and I cried.  Tears continuing to swell in our eyes, we just held each other tightly.  This was one of the best church services we’ve attended and one of the most exciting wedding ceremonies we’ve had the honor of taking part.  And we still don’t know the names of the bride and groom…  

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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My plan this morning was to post another wonderful love letter from a couple married at least 40 years.  But I guess that will have to wait just one more day because I have exciting news to share.  

About.com, the 35th largest website in the US and the 67th largest in the world, announced yesterday its Reader’s Choice nominations and Happy Wives Club has been selected as one of the Top 5 Marriage Websites for 2012.  And although we feel incredibly fortunate to have made it into the Top 5, if you’ve been reading this blog for any period of time, you probably know I’m a recovering perfectionist.  Because of this, I try not to set a bar for myself that requires everything I do be perfect (the best, numero uno, etc).  However, in this case, striving to be #1 just seems like the right thing to do (wink ).

You can help ensure Happy Wives Club secures the top spot by voting your heart out!  Every day, you can vote for us on About.com by clicking the Readers Choice seal above or by clicking this link.  There are only two rules to voting: 1) You must either vote while logged in to your Facebook account or using your email address; and 2) You can vote one time, per email address or FB login, daily.  We’d love it if you would think of us over the next four weeks and vote as often as possible.  If you vote for HWC as many times as I voted for Scotty McCreery to win American Idol, I know we’ll win by a landslide!

Voting will conclude March 21st, at which time, I’m confident you would have carried us to victory and About.com will name HWC the Top Marriage Website of 2012.  Wow.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 24,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook