Every week, at least 3-4 times, I write a blog post focused on the members of this club: happy wives.  But today, I get to switch it up and post something for the hubbies too.  While on vacationing in Charleston, South Carolina, Keith wrote this for our club.  Enjoy!

By Keith Weaver, my amazing husband

My wonderful wife and founder of this Club, Fawn, thought it would be beneficial for me to share my perspective as a man and husband with respect to what keeps our marriage so enjoyable.  Specifically, she wanted me to share my thoughts about how we manage conflict.  What I’ve set forth here are essentially our “rules of engagement” or, simply stated, our approach to resolving conflicts.  If this is of no use whatsoever, blame Fawn – as I said, this was her idea.   

So, here it is…  Being sensitive to your spouse’s perspective, honest about your own, and wise with your words, are the characteristics that allow you to ease into discussion instead of crashing into an argument.  No, I’m not a “perfect” husband (I can be as thoughtless as the next guy), but I try to keep mindful of these principles as much as possible and –nine years in so far – I can say it works pretty well.    

As I began writing this, it was really late and Fawn was asleep.  I have my days and nights mixed up as my mother would say, so it was the perfect time for me.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t think of what to write.  I had the TV on for background when God unstuck my writer’s block with -of all things- Bill Cosby.  

I glanced up at The Cosby Show that was on and tuned in a bit.  I had missed part of the episode, but having seen most episodes numerous times, I knew it was the show where the family was preparing for the grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. Sondra and her then boyfriend, Elvin, were fighting on the way to the Huxtable house and the spat carried on once they arrived. 

In a funny moment with Cliff Huxtable, Elvin says “I’m confused about my role as a man” in seeking understanding for his bickering with Sondra.  To paraphrase, “if I try to take her luggage, she says I’ve got this, but if I fail to open a door for her, she’s mad… ”  Cliff advised Elvin that the woman is always right and, essentially, he should just ignore whatever logic he may be applying in a given situation for the sake of peace. 

The episode was certainly very funny, and possibly even effective for the passive or disengaged, but outside of a sitcom this is not necessarily the most effective way to foster a progressive understanding (or oneness) with your wife.

If I were Elvin, I would say something like this to Sondra: “Honey, can you help me with a challenge I’m having?  I love you and I really would like to exceed the expectations you have for me as the man in your life.  For example, when I don’t open the door for you, it’s because I’m responding to the independence you seek when you expect to take your own luggage.  I respect you and my goal is to be a gentleman and your heart’s desire, can you help me understand?”  In most cases, this would result in a calm-voiced conversation where both would have a better mutual understanding by the end and making love might be an additional side benefit.  Not bad, huh?

With Fawn and me, my approach isn’t that different from what I just described.  I presume innocence in whatever situation, presume that we both want to understand each other, and I know that we both love each other madly – not for just a season, but for our lifetime.  It is with that perspective I can approach whatever situation with as much ease as possible.  I tend to be affable, but going along just to get along simply isn’t me and I suspect that is true for most men.  That being said, utilizing basic communication skills and a softer approach to relate to my wife – the 2nd highest priority in my life (God is the 1st) – is always an investment that seems worthwhile.  It’s worth trying.  Plus, if I’m wrong, it didn’t cost you anything.       

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I am so grateful Keith presumes innocence because I am certainly not the woman or wife I hope to one day become.  But I am who I am and can only be me and that’s good enough for now.  I’ll continue to grow and mature just as Keith does…and that’s all that matters.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I have one simple question for you and I hope you do not take offense.  Do you revere your husband?  And if so, how greatly?  Reverence is a demonstration of extreme honor and respect for something or someone.

I remember a couple years ago when a photographer from a local paper came to our home to take pictures for an article. During our time together, he shared that he and his wife had just been in an argument over dinner the night before. She’d taken the time to cook a wonderful meal. When she was ready to serve it, he continued working because he wasn’t ready to eat. She became frustrated. He responded in a like manner, and as is usually the case in these scenarios, an argument ensued.

I posed one simple question to this newly married photographer. I’d heard another counselor ask it of a feuding couple, “Think of someone you hold in high esteem. The president. The chancellor of your university. Your pastor. Think of that person you have enormous respect for and tell me how you would have responded if he or she called for you and said, ‘The meal I was preparing for dinner is now ready’?” The photographer thought about it for a brief moment, gave a smile that let me know he ‘got it,’ and then conceded he would have gone to the dinner table immediately.

I reminded him that his wife was the only person he chose and subsequently pledged to be with for the remainder of his life. He wasn’t given an option in choosing his parents or siblings. He didn’t have the deciding vote in who would be his country’s president. He certainly had no say in selecting his university’s chancellor. But he held each of them in higher regard than he held his wife—the one person he not only had the pleasure of choosing, but who also honored him by reciprocating in that choice.

We tend to take our spouses for granted because we assume they will always be there. And we hope they will.  But if there is anyone we should hold in high esteem, it is the person who pledged to be with us in good times and in bad, in sickness and health, until death do us part.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 31,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

“There is no greater risk than matrimony.  But there is nothing happier than a happy marriage.”  In 1870, the British Prime Minister, Benjamin Disraeli, penned the above quote in a letter to Queen Victoria’s fourth daughter, Louise, upon the announcement of her engagement to a “common” man.  Although Princess Louise’s engagement outraged most of the royal family she knew exactly what she wanted and she was determined to get it.  In this moment, the royal princess showed she was fearless. 

When reading the biography of Princess Louise’s life, there is one thing that stands out most: she adored her husband and she loved being married.  During a time when marriage was entered into for duty rather than love, the princess decided duty to the people and the kingdom was not good enough.  She would marry for love and love alone. 

Getting married can be a bit scary.  It is undoubtedly risky business.  And to a certain degree, not even a good risk as divorce statistics give each marriage a 50/50 chance of succeeding.  Nearly half of marriages end in divorce, so what separates the 50-percent who succeed from the 50-percent who do not?  In my opinion, it is fear…or rather the lack thereof. 

Love, in its intended and most perfect form, is fearless.  When I say ‘perfect,’ I do not mean it is without fault.  I am not implying it is without hurt, frustration, doubt or is guaranteed sans tears.  When I refer to perfect love, I am referencing the kind of virtue that will cause a man to leave his father and mother and be joined to one woman for the remainder of his life.  The same emotion that causes a mother to run in front of a speeding car to save her endangered child’s life or gives a wife the adrenalin to lift a car that is crushing her husband.  It is the type of love which causes a woman to forsake all others and cling to one man. 

The love in which I speak is one that has stood the test of time and will continue to stand steadfast against the onslaught of negativity surrounding marriage.  The type of love which conquers fear is the same kind that causes marriages to flourish.  Perfect love does not focus on what could be lost but solely on what has been gained.  It stands in the face of critics and those who would dare challenge its existence and declares, “Til death do us part.’” 

The freedom that comes from loving without fear of loss is what allows us to open our hearts to experience a fullness of joy, happiness and physical pleasure in marriage.  This love…a perfect love…is expressed in the lifetime commitment that began the moment we said “I do.”  On that day, we looked fear square in the face and dared to defy it.

This year, when observing your wedding anniversary, don’t just commemorate the day you were married.  But celebrate the moment in which your love conquered fear.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Most marriages, at least here in the US, are entered into soberly and by stating vows similar to these:

I, (Bride),
Take you, (Husband),
To be my lawfully wedded husband;
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
Till death do us part.

Think about that commitment made: For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer…till death do us part.  Yet, year after year, poor communication, finances, and incompatibility are some of the most common reasons given for the dissolution of marriage.  ”We grew apart,” so many are quick to point out.

As happily married women, we can decrease instances of divorce in every country where we live by doing one simple thing: reminding every friend we have – before they get married – of the vows they will state on their wedding day.  If we spend less time talking about the wedding dress, location, ring and cake and more time about the commitment they are about to make, we might be able to help one become better prepared for what lies ahead.  When was the last time you sat down with a girlfriend recently engaged and said, “Now, have you read your wedding vows?  Have you truly considered them?  Are you ready to pledge ‘Till death do you part?’ 

We help keep marriages together by reminding ourselves and our friends of the vows we committed to keep.  One of our club members, married 31 years, submitted this as a quick tip, “My parents have been married for 65 years! Whenever they attend a wedding, they hold hands as the vows are being spoken and repeat them silently, reaffirming their pledges to each other.” 

Families are the backbone of any society, within every country, throughout the world.  Divorce tears families apart.  It hardens the heart and leaves collateral damage all over the place. 

As women who are happily married, we have stories to share.  Don’t let another marriage go down without putting up a fight.  It is up to us to spread the good news on marriage and all the benefits it has to offer if one will just hang in there — for better or for worse.  Make the choice today to take an active role in decreasing our world’s divorce rate…one girlfriend at a time.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fragrant candles lit throughout the house

A freshly brewed cup of coffee in the morning

Eggs sunny-side up with pancakes in the shape of a heart

Text message that says “I love you” for no particular reason

A glass of wine and soft music to unwind after a taxing day

Quick email to let him know he’s on your mind

Pulling his body closer to yours for a sweet embrace

A kiss on the forehead, followed by the nose, maybe the ears and definitely the lips

His favorite meal -whether purchased or homemade- awaiting his arrival at home

Handwritten note with thoughtful words, perfume scented, and placed atop his pillow

There are a million and one ways to show your husband how much you care.  It doesn’t have to take much time.  Seconds if that’s all you have to spare.  But make it your mission today to do something different than the norm, something special, to express to the one you love how much he means to you.  

The smallest gesture can go a long way.  And thousands of little things over the years will be the catalyst to a life full of love, peace, joy, laughter and pure marital bliss.  Give it a try.  You won’t regret you did.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 30,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

Keith loves a television show called 30 Rock.  I must admit, I find it quite funny at times.  But if it were up to him, this is how we would unwind on many nights after a long day at work.  I, on the other hand, would be perfectly happy if we didn’t own a television at all.

On the Sabbath, I do nothing.  And I mean nothing.  Keith will wake up in the morning and before I even arise he would have washed both of our cars, worked in the garden, and done an endless number of things I consider work.  I won’t even fold clothes on the Sabbath.  I am a lazy bum on our one day off each week and I am not motivated in the least to do one thing.  

Keith loves real estate.  We moved 5 times in our first 4 years of marriage.  There were great owner-occupied loans offered at the time and the only requirement is you had to live in the home for one year.  So we would invest in a home, live it in for a year, and then rent it out once we’d moved again.  I love stability.  I’d be happy to move only once in a lifetime.

The list of differences between Keith and me is probably longer than the list of similarities.  But I know what is important to Keith and he knows what is important to me and we make sure to give each other that.  I fell in love with my husband and all his quirky ways.  Why would I ever want to change that about him.  He fell in love with me and God knows I have a billion quirks.  But he just rolls with it.

There are alot of secrets to a loving and healthy marriage but somewhere at the top of that list must be learning to compromise.  Your husband is different than you.  And for good reason.  Why would you want there to be two of you.  A friend of mine says, “If two people are identical then one becomes unnecessary.”  

Strive to be different yet compliment each other’s strengths.  Love your husband just as he is and pray he will do the same.  Compromise isn’t a position of weakness, it’s a position of strength.  Only the strongest can put down their egos and learn the art of compromise.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With nearly 30,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

I am utterly smitten with my husband.  And you know what?  I’m not ashamed to express that to him every opportunity I get throughout the day.  We both work long hours and talk on the phone several times a day so early on in our relationship we created a habit that we continue 9 years later.  Before we conclude a call with each other, rather than saying, “Bye,” we say “I love you.”  

Years ago, I remember driving my colleagues crazy because we were all in an open office together and they had to hear me say “I love you” to Keith several times a day.  As the years have passed, I’ve found we often begin our phone calls and in person greetings with “I love you” and end them the same way.  The poor people around us!

But here is what I’ve learned about myself and so many others.  We are completely unashamed to talk about how much we looooove a television show, a sports team, a musical artist, a type of clothes, and especially our children.  Yet, we’re bashful in expressing our love for our spouse.  I don’t know why this is the case and haven’t spent much time thinking about it.  But this much I know: there is no one more important to me than the person who pledged to be with me through the good times and the bad, through sickness and health, til’ death do us part. 

Stevie Wonder has a song entitled “I Just Called to Say I Love You.”  It’s a nifty little song and something tells me you may even know the words”

I just called to say I love you

I just called to say how much I care

I just called to say I love you

And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

When was the last time you paused in the middle of your day to call your spouse for no other reason than to simply say, “I love you?”  No motive.  No requirement of reciprocation.  Just an expression of your love.  It’s okay to be smitten by your spouse.  That’s why you got married.  At least, that’s why I got married.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 29,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

The past couple months have been unbelievably hectic.  Something tells me you may also be able to relate.  I’m accustomed to being incredibly busy as that’s been my life for at least the past 15 years.  But I don’t recall a time in all those years where each of my days were as jam-packed as they have been these past few months.

Toward the end of last year, I remember writing a post entitled Yoga, Chai Tea & Me, about maintaining balance in my life.  Making sure to set aside time just for me.  At the time, I was concerned with how the busyness of life was beginning to weigh me down but my determination to not lose focus on what is most important in life.

Now today, as I begin another nonstop week of conference calls, meetings and general work, I look back on that post as a reminder to myself: “When practicing yoga, balancing always reminds me of the necessity to maintain focus.  I cannot experience a balanced life without maintaining focus.  For me, that means keeping God first, my hubby right behind and then our family and friends.  Although work and the overall busyness of life can sometimes seem all-consuming, finding time in the day to stop, reflect, pray and gain perspective always helps me to live a balanced life.” 

Most of the time, I write these posts for each of you.  But today, I write this post to myself as a reminder to step back and look at the larger picture.  This may be one of the busiest seasons I’ve experienced in my thirty-five years on earth, but it is just that, a season.  I must remain focused on what is most important: God, hubby, family, friends and then everything else.

Do you ever find the need to remind yourself of what is most important in life?  Do you lose sight, at times, of why you were placed on earth and somehow get caught up in the busyness of it all?  If you are like me and need a reminder every now and then, take heart that today is a new day.  You can have a “do over” of yesterday and begin anew.  Set your priorities straight and keep your eyes on the prize.  

Work will come and go and one day you will be retired.  Children will consume much of your days but in time they will move on and begin a family of their own.  It is your relationship with God, your relationship with your husband and your relationship with self that will sustain you through the end of time.  And those are the relationships which should always matter the most.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 29,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

Thank you for naming us the Top Marriage Blog on the web.  Amazing!  When I first received the notice we’d been selected one of the Top 5 Marriage Sites on web, I was ecstatic.  Now, that it’s just been announced we won, I’m over the moon excited!  

I cannot think of a better way to begin the weekend.  First, Keith returns home tonight after being in Europe all week on business.  I miss him more than you can possible imagine and will be counting down the minutes all day.  Second, we unveiled a new Facebook page and simultaneously hit a new milestone: more than 29,000 Facebook fans.  Whew hoo!  And lastly, we won this amazing award from the 35th most popular website in the US and the 65th most popular in the world.  Today has been a pretty spectacular day…and it’s not even 6am yet.  I hope time with your family this weekend will make you feel as giddy inside as I do right now.

Until Monday…make it a fantastic weekend!

Comments: With more than 29,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

HAPPY WIVES CLUB WINS ABOUT.COM 2012 READERS’ CHOICE AWARD FOR BEST MARRIAGE BLOG or WEBSITE.

NEW YORK, March 30, 2012 – Today it was announced that the Happy Wives Club blog has been selected as the About.com 2012 Readers’ Choice Award for Best Marriage Blog or Website. Now in its fifth year, the About.com Readers’ Choice Awards honor the best products, features and services across more than a dozen categories, ranging from technology to hobbies to parenting and more, as selected by its readers.

“This year’s Readers’ Choice Awards program had a record number of nominations submitted across dozens of categories and featured hundreds of finalists,” said Margot Weiss, managing editor, About.com. “We are thankful to all our readers for their participation and congratulate [insert contact] on their success.”

The About Group

The About Group comprises the Websites About.com, ConsumerSearch.com and CalorieCount.com.  About.com is a valuable platform for content that helps users solve the large and small needs of everyday life.  ConsumerSearch.com analyzes expert and user-generated consumer product reviews and recommends the best products to purchase based on the findings. CalorieCount.com is an online resource that helps users solve the everyday challenges of losing weight and living a healthy lifestyle.

The New York Times Company (NYSE: NYT), a leading global, multimedia news and information company with 2010 revenues of $2.4 billion, includes The New York Times, the International Herald Tribune, The Boston Globe, NYTimes.com, BostonGlobe.com, Boston.com, About.com and related properties. The Company’s core purpose is to enhance society by creating, collecting and distributing high-quality news, information and entertainment.

I am not a Mom.  If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know this was not originally the plan, but I am nonetheless happy with exactly the way things have turned out.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be a Mom.  And if I become a Mom, I don’t know that I’ll be able to stay at home with our child(ren).   

Keith jokes that for the sanity of our children, I’d need to work out of the home.  He’s concerned if I tended to our children the way I tend to my work, I’d smother them and they’d be begging for time away from Mommy.  He teases that every night when he’d return home from work, they’d be waiting for him at the door saying, “Please, please, take Mommy away from us.”

All kidding aside, I just don’t think I’m built to be a stay-at-home Mom.  I could be wrong and there’s no way I could know until the day comes where that decision needs to be made.  But I’d like to think if I made that decision I would do well with it.  Only, I’ve met many stay-at-home Moms and I truly believe it takes a special gift; an extraordinary amount of patience and selflessness.

Being a stay-at-home Mom is the most challenging job in the world.  You work tirelessly from sunrise to long after sunset and most often without so much as a thank you.  You must run your home as I run my business, only I get pats on the back and people telling my how great of a businesswoman I am.  You receive nothing.  No thanks.  No pat on the back.  No “job well done.”  

Being a stay-at-home Mom is the most thankless job in the world.  Yet, you do it.  I’m not sure why you do it but I have a feeling it has something to do with your understanding of the importance of your role in your child’s life.  You know their life is, quite literally, in the palm of your hand.  You recognize life and death is in the power of the tongue and you want your words to speak empowerment into their lives.  

You know God has loaned you these precious gifts and at some point will ask for you to account for how you led them by example and sheltered them while in your care.  No matter how many businesses I launch, how many organizations I oversee, there is nothing I will ever do in the corporate world that will even come close to matching the importance of what you do every day – from morning to night – without so much as a hint of gratitude.

So here is my homage to you, the stay-at-home Mom.  Don’t allow anyone to ever make you feel less than because you’ve chosen to work in the home instead of outside of it.  Do not accept the simplemindedness of those who would make you feel less than.  You are raising the next generation of world leaders and I am certain there is no other job you could be doing at this moment which is more important.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 28,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

It’s interesting.  From nearly the moment we said ‘I do’ people began asking us when we planned to start a family.  The question never struck me as odd because I knew exactly what they meant and looked forward to having children in the near future.

And then life happened.  We became so busy with work we didn’t think it the right time to slow down and being “trying.”  Eventually, Keith and I decided we’d wait at least five years before having children.  We wanted to spend time together, travel as much as possible, and bond as husband and wife before becoming mom and dad.  After our sixth year of marriage, we began talking more and more about starting a family.

Several years later, I remain a childless wife.  But here’s the interesting thing.  I love my life.  I love my marriage.  I love my husband.  And odd as it may sound, I don’t feel as though anything is missing.  Next year, Keith and I will renew our vows in a ceremony celebrating our 10-year anniversary and I could not imagine being happier or more content with the way things have turned out.

Do we still think about having children?  Absolutely.  But we’ve learned to redefine family for ourselves.  We do not need to wait to become a family.  We already have one.   Keith and me, we are our family.  Every day I wake up grateful to God for this wonderful life.  I do not have an answer to why we have not gotten pregnant over the years (it’s certainly not for a lack of practice ).  But this much I know: we do not need children to be perfectly content.

I write this to the wife who feels as though her life is incomplete without children.  I pen this in hope you will be encouraged.  Your family begins with you and your husband.  Maybe it will expand, maybe it won’t.  But never feel discouraged or incomplete.  If you have been blessed with a husband who adores you and you feel the same way, you have all the family you will ever need.  And your family – just the way it is –  is more than enough.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 28,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

It’s nearly 2am in what has been an incredibly hectic week.  Usually, when I take to my laptop to write a post for this site, my goal is to inspire each of you to love your family more and appreciate every moment you are blessed with in this lifetime.  Today, my goal is far simpler: to somehow, in my incredibly tired state, manage to be reasonably coherent and write with as few typos as possible.  So here goes…

Last week, I had the pleasure of posting a 3-part series of an interview I conducted with fellow Happy Wife, Sheila Wray Gregoire, for our Sage Wisdom column (all three postings can be found here combined as one).  It became clear shortly after posting each part, you gained as much insight from Sheila as I did because the feedback was overwhelmingly positive.

Well, today I am pleased to announce she’s offered to give away a copy of her brand spanking new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, to one of our readers.  That could be you!  I know few women who have not, at one time or another, struggled in their sex life.  We’ve all accepted the general consensus that men want sex more than women but we rarely pause to ask why.  Not from a physically standpoint but from a psychological one.  Sheila does that and answers the question in a practical and applicable way.

If you’ve ever found married sex to be repetitive or uninteresting, this book is for you!  If you want to spice up your sex life, this book is for you.  If you want to learn more about creating a more sexually fulfilling relationship with your husband, this book is for you.

To win the book is simple.  Every woman who Joins the Club today will automatically be entered to win.  Even if you’re already a member of this club, simply click on the Join the Club link and enter your information.  That’s it.  It’s that simple.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 28,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook