Oft times, at wedding ceremonies you’ll hear the officiant reference the “two becoming one.”  I love that.  To think that two people raised with completely different upbringings and polar opposite personalities have this remarkable ability to forsake so much in a pursuit to become one with their spouse.  What an amazing gift for those who succeed.

Unfortunately, many misunderstand this statement.  They misinterpret this biblical verse.  They think fading into the backdrop or somehow morphing into their spouse is what it means to become one.  As an incredibly strong woman with a very distinct personality (my husband is somewhere reading this and saying, “Amen!”), I thank God that is not what this means.  When I was thinking recently about about the two becoming one, I immediately thought about Nat King Cole.

Do you remember the year Nat King Cole’s daughter, singer Natalie Cole, released the album of duets with her father?  Decades after his death, she remastered his songs to sing an album of perfect duets.  The title track, “Unforgettable,” is not one which will be soon forgotten.  Their voices complimented each other in every way.  They poured their heart and soul into each song, but they were clearly different.  Distinguishably separate.  They sang as one, but they were clearly two. 

I think about the lemon and orange tree in my backyard whose seeds were planted so close together the tree trunks grew side-by-side and almost look as though they are completely intertwined.  It is difficult to figure out where the orange tree begins and where the lemon tree ends but they clearly bear two different fruits.  The lemons are never quite sour and the oranges are rarely perfectly sweet.  But we love them because they remind us of how unique it is for two fruits to combine as one, while remaining uniquely and wonderfully separate.  

There are so many keys to enjoying life and loving yourself just as God intended you to me.  One of those is to never stop being exactly as you were created to be.  Your husband is meant to strengthen you, sharpen you, challenge you and make you a better person in every way, shape and form.  But he is not here to eclipse you.  He is not here to become you.  And you are not here to become him.  

Your husband married you because of something special he saw in you.  He was drawn to your uniqueness.  Don’t lose that in the pursuit of “becoming one.”  Compliment each other.  Build each other up.  Don’t become one another.  I have a friend who says, “If two people are just alike, then one of them is unnecessary.”

Be you.  Be unique.  Be unforgettable.  And allow your husband to fall in love with you again and again…just as the day he first said, “I do.”

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Prior to meeting my husband there were few things I wanted more than to be a mom.  My desire was to have our first child in the first couple years of marriage and then to have another a few years later.  One boy followed by a girl.  Several months into our marriage we went to a couples Bible study and there must have been fertilization in the water.  Out of the five couples taking part in the study, three became pregnant.  It saddened me.  I wanted a child too.

During one of the studies, I became a bit emotional because Keith had decided we should wait at least a year before diving into parenthood.  We’d discussed this in premarital counseling and I agreed with this decision 100% until everyone around us began getting pregnant.  My resolve began to waver.  But we stuck to our premarital decision and I’m so grateful we did.

Because we didn’t have children, we were able to travel together.  We were able to spend hours, days, weeks and years learning more about each other.  We know one another like the back of our hands and that has everything to do with the time we’ve had with each other pre-children.

Gleaning marital wisdom from so many successful couples in our inaugural year encouraged us to remain childless for the first 5 years of our marriage.  I wrestled with this decision many times during those years, but now that I’m on the other side of it, I fully understand the need for newlyweds to spend as much time as possible getting accustomed to the various quirks and nuances about their spouse.

I’ve met women all over the world who spend so much time thinking about their future as a mother that they miss the joys of the current day.  They can only focus on what they do not have – children – instead of focusing on the love that stands right before their eyes.  I am a true believer that one of the worst mistakes we can make in life is worrying so much about tomorrow that we lose sight of the gift that is the present.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and for many childless wives it was a disappointing day.  If you are one of those women, or know someone who spent yesterday in a state of sadness, I want to encourage you.  The best things in life comes to those who wait.  But while you are waiting, enjoy every moment of every day.  You will never regret not worrying about what will happen in the future but you will regret not taking the time to enjoy the moments you have today.

Invest more time in your marriage.  Nurture your own body, mind and soul.  Spend this time becoming a whole person; a happy person.  Then the joy that overflows from within you will one day be passed on to your children.  And they will be blessed.  Because of you.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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You don’t know this but I was a Motown baby.  My father was one of the writers and producers at Hitsville U.S.A. in Detroit, MI.  He worked with all the greats from Smokey Robinson to Stevie Wonder to the Four Tops and Tempations, Diana Ross and the Supremes and the list goes on and on.

But I’m a country music-loving girl.  I enjoy Motown and R & B in general but if you ask me about the greatest artist of all time, I’ll answer without flinching for one moment: Garth Brooks.  The best concert I’ve ever attended: Garth Brooks.  My favorite duo: Faith Hill and Tim McGraw (one of my favorite concerts of all time).  I grew up with gold and platinum records all over the walls of my father’s office but never took the time to listen to any of his music.

Then I married Keith.  He looked my Dad up on Wikipedia and gave me a history lesson for some reason growing up I never cared to learn much about.  Some of the greatest love songs in history my father wrote and/or produced, including the one I thought about just a moment ago as I was daydreaming about walking along the Marina with my hubby: Still Waters (Run Deep).

There is something about still waters that make my heart feel at peace.  Walking hand-in-hand with Keith, we walk along the water and without so much as saying a word, we comfort each other.  We remind one another no matter how hectic life may be, it’ll never pass us by, because still waters run deep and so do he and I.

As we head into the second weekend in May, I’m reminded of how quickly this year has flown.  If we don’t take the time to pause, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes and simply remind each other there is no earthly bond more important than the relationship we have with each other…life will absolutely pass us by.  We have to live each moment intent to not forget that just as still waters run deep, so does my love for him and his love for me.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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This past weekend I attended an amazing fundraising gala for International Justice Mission (IJM), one of the most effective human’s rights organizations in the world.  They have been and remain on the frontlines of fighting injustice around the world, and especially in the area of human trafficking.

One of my closest girlfriends, and a founding member of this Club, works for IJM.  She introduced me to one of her colleagues, a lovely and beautiful woman from South Africa (with a fabulous accent).  She and I’d been previously introduced via email but had never met face-to-face.  The moment I met her I knew she had such a wonderful and loving spirit.  I’m drawn to people like that so I can spot them a mile away.

Within the first minute of meeting me, after joking with my friend about the difference in the way she pronounces “Fawn” versus my girlfriend (I must admit, I prefer the way my name sounds with a South African accent), my new South African friend took me by the hands, looked in my eyes and said, “Honey, I love your blog.  I love what you’re doing.  But, I must say,” she began in that fabulous accent of hers, “you don’t have kids, do you?”  

I knew where she was going with this because I’ve had this happen so many times.  When Keith and I were first married (and visibly in love) we’d have people tell us that wouldn’t last beyond the newlywed years.  Then when I left the restaurant business to work in a slightly more sane industry, I took a few months off.  During that time I was helping one of my relatives in her marriage and was informed the reason Keith and I were so happy was I wasn’t working.  Forget that I’ve been working non-stop since I was 18 years old and more often than not for 14+ hours per day.  

Now, we’ve been married for a decade next year, we both work 70+ hours per week, my in-laws (who I adore) moved in with us several years ago and yet we’re more in love today than on our wedding day.

We made a choice.  If you’ve read this blog for some time, you know that choice was to wake up each morning and no matter what life throws our way, we determined to choose to be happy in our marriage.  It was the best piece of marriage advice I’ve ever received and so I share it with you as often as possible.  If everything around us is crazy, we’ll deal with it.  We will not allow that to impact the joy we feel in our relationship or the love we have for one another.

It is not because we don’t desire children that we do not have them.  And I know many women who are miserable because they too have had a tough time getting their egg and their hubby’s little swimmers to intimately meet.  I know women who would shoot themselves rather than have their in-laws come visit, let alone invite them to live in the same home.  I know marriages who could not survive the hectic work weeks Keith and I have come to know over the years (thank God for the Sabbath…our sanity).

The happiness in our marriage is not because we don’t have children.  It’s because we’ve made a choice.  And we make the same choice daily.  No matter what life throws our way, I am confident as long as this mindset does not change, we will continue to live a life of happiness.  What about you?  Have you made that choice?  It’s in your power to do so.  As the Nike motto goes, “Just Do It.”

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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The past three months have been the most hectic of my life.  When I began this year, I had certain goals I wanted to achieve in terms of my life, family, and business.  I quickly began going about the business of reaching my goals.  My days and evenings were filled to the brim, but there was always a time of rest.  I’d stop in the middle of the day and instead of eating lunch I’d practice power yoga for an hour.  

Although my year was off to a busy start, I still felt in control.  Things were moving at a pace I was comfortable with and did not feel overwhelmed.

Then life happened.

I agreed to consult on a major project which was not a part of my plan this year.  I signed on to another project which would require I travel to all 7 continents and 12 countries prior to September for research.  Again, something that was not a part of the plan.  My company was preparing to launch a subsidiary by the summer.  Because of the two projects above , I don’t know this will still happen.

I don’t feel in control.  As a matter of fact, I’ve been feeling a bit as if my life is running ahead of me and I’m doing my darndest to catch up.  Then this past weekend, on the Sabbath, I had an epiphany.  Actually, I was simply reminded of something I already knew.  This is just a season in my life.  It is a finite period of time which will soon pass.  I can spend my time trying to gain control of the situation or I can simply enjoy each day, do my best to make the greatest impact possible, and allow the chips to fall where they may.

It’s only one season, I was reminded.  Just a brief moment in time.  Next year, there will be new challenges and more projects to overwhelm me and this hectic moment in time will be long forgotten.  At that time, I will be faced with the same choice: Will I learn to appreciate my life in terms of seasons or allow myself to become overwhelmed?  The choice for me is clear.  What about you?  Can you push yourself to do it?  Learn to embrace the season you’re in and trust that anything overwhelming will soon pass and all that will remain is your health, strength, family…and the season yet to come.

Until tomorow…make it a great day!

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Sitting in the hair salon this past weekend, there is an endless stream of women.  Toward the back of the salon is a manicurist who stays equally as busy as the hair stylists.  As women, we certainly know how to maintain our outward appearances.  Some will say they do it for their spouse but I think most of us will agree we do this for ourselves.

Externally, we look as though we’ve got it together.  Even when we’ve put on some extra poundage and know we need to diet or exercise, we can still look good.  We know how to maintain ourselves at every size.  But do we know how to maintain our relationships and keep our hearts healthy?

If we spent as much time focusing on our inward maintenance, as we did on our outward appearance, married women would likely be the healthiest group of people in the world.  What matters most is the inward glow. 

How we love, the way we give, kindness in our hearts – that’s what makes us beautiful.  The love, respect and admiration we have for our husband.  The patience, understanding and leadership we give to our children is what makes our lives worthy of living.

There is a beautiful poem often attributed to American actress Audrey Hepburn, but it was actually her favorite poem written by Sam Levenson:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you’ll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you’ll discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.  The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. 

The beauty of a woman is not a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.  It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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In my 35 years of living, I’ve never once been pregnant.  I’ve never had the joy of carrying a child in my womb or bonding with a creature whose sustenance comes from milk created within my body.  Holding a newborn child is an exquisite experience like none other.  I can only imagine how that feeling is increased 100-fold when the newborn you are holding is your own.

I’ve never experienced these joys and don’t know this will ever be a part of the life God has planned for me.  But I’ve also never had the requisite sleepless nights of parenting a newborn, morning sickness that lasts all day or the never-ending chore list that accompanies being a new mom.  I am grateful for both.

Life is interesting.  It is a bit, as Forrest Gump’s mother said to him, like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get.  For this current childless moment, I am grateful for the time I am able to spend uninterrupted with my husband.  I have a sensitive stomach so I am incredibly grateful for the lack of nausea in my life.  I am grateful that in just a couple months I will be leaving for the adventure of a lifetime: traveling to all 7 continents and 12 countries.

I am grateful.  I do not feel as though anything is missing from my life.

On the other side of this coin, so many of you –most of you, I’d expect- are Moms.  You have had, at one time or another, a beautiful bundle of joy to call your own.  You could not even imagine a life without your children.  They are a never-ending flow of blessings.  God used you to create life, to lead a new being into a life of their own and that is a miracle unto itself.

Be grateful.  In the very moment in which you live, be grateful.  I have no desire to be in your shoes as I am incredibly thankful for my own.  And you should have no admiration for mine.  My path in life will be different from yours.  And your path in life will be different from your closest friends.  That’s the beauty of being human; No two are alike.

No matter the box of chocolate you’ve been given, be grateful.  There is nothing more beautiful than a heart filled with gratitude and a day that has been lived on purpose.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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When I arose this morning, Keith was still enjoying his beauty rest.  It was late and I needed to get up and wash my hair so I could begin the day.  With hair still wet, I walked over near the bed and Keith lifted the covers inviting me to lay next to him. 

First thought: my honey’s awake and I’d love to hold him and to be held.  Second thought: My hair is wet and I have so many things I need to get done before leaving the house.  Always go with your thought closest to your heart.  My first thought won that mini battle and I accepted his unspoken invitation to lay beside him. 

Holding me in his arms and extended tender kisses reminded me of an all too important truth: My husband needs me to slow down to stay physically connected with him.

Oftentimes we make the mistake of taking for granted the time we have with our spouse.  We run here and there, to and from, and forget how much our husbands need to simply be held, caressed and shown –through physical affection- how much we desire them.

So many pull away from their husband’s physical advances because the thought is it will lead to sex and sometimes there isn’t time for sex at that exact moment.  But pulling away is a mistake.  Our husbands need to be held.  We need to be held.  Holding hands, stroking the side of his face and him doing the same to yours, embracing each other with a simple hug.  Sometimes that’s all the current moment will allow.  And most times, that’s more than enough.

Do you ever find yourself pulling away from your husband’s advances when you’re rushed because you think he will expect more?  Fall into the moment.  You may be pleasantly surprised.  Your husband knows when you have to go and you won’t need to abruptly pull away to make that point.  Simply allow yourself to be embraced.  Stay in the moment.  Then go about the business of your day.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I love you
I need you
My heart screams to yours

The mouth fails to let you know
What the heart longs to convey
The body responds to the love within
That is pushing against the skin
This love that wants to be unleashed
But is held back by the mouth that refuses to speak

I love you
I need you
My heart beats louder
With the hope that yours will hear

The rhythm increases
I fear my chest will tear
But…
Slowly…
My heartbeat returns to normal 
As the melody from your heart finally reaches mine

I love you
I need you
Our hearts sing together

What the mouth could not say
The heart dared to sing

- Justina Nafje-Ovanhu Hamalwa -

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Our bodies require rest.  God made them that way.  I’m not quite sure why our bodies require rest as an essential part of living as I can certainly think of many other things to do for that 6-8 hours each night I’m sleeping.  But we cannot function properly if we don’t rest.

I remember 15 years ago, when I was launching a business, I decided to test this theory.  I needed to get an enormous amount of work done so I tested my body and stayed up for more than 30 hours straight.  Before I knew it I was nauseous, could barely stand upright and finally collapsed on the bed.  I am a strong-willed woman but my will could not keep me up any longer.  My body won that fight.

As I look at couples all around me, and especially within my own marriage, I am reminded of the importance of downtime.  Not only allowing our bodies to get some rest but allowing our minds to slow down and our stress levels to be brought back down to neutral.  Our relationships need it to remain healthy.  If you ever want to see a woman at her worst, just look for her when she’s stressed out.  Not a good look at all.

Whether you believe in the Bible or not, one commandment I highly recommend: Honor the Sabbath.  Each week, Keith and I work an unbelievable amount of hours.  Our one saving grace is we know if we can simply make it to the end of the week, our 7th day will be that of rest.  

Setting aside a day of rest becomes something to look forward to each week.  It’s most certainly our favorite day.  We take the time to go on a date.  We don’t watch our caloric intake and aren’t concerned with exercising.  The only thing we care about is spending time with each other and allowing our mind, body and soul a time of renewal.  

When was the last time you gave yourself the day off?  Make it a habit in your household weekly to set aside a day of rest.  Who cares if the dishes wait one more day?  It won’t kill you to tend to the laundry twenty-four hours later.  Allow yourself a time of rest.  Your marriage and family will thank you for it.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I bet you’ve never thought of the built-in advantage of being married.  Think about that for just a moment.  You have a partner in crime for life.  You are able to go twice as far in half the amount of time.  You have the ability to achieve all your goals times two.  

Today, as we were listening to our pastor, I was reminded of this amazing truth.  While teaching a lesson on becoming more physically and spiritually fit, he gave us a list of four things we all need to do to achieve our most important goals in life.  He instructed us to write them down and commit to doing each one.  However, he concluded the lesson by saying our ability to make changes in our life permanent, we must do one very important thing: find an accountability partner.  

He told everyone to think of one person who could come alongside us for the next two months and hold us accountable.  Keith and I looked at each other with a smile, gave a short kiss, and acknowledged with nothing more than our eyes that we were incredibly blessed.  We didn’t need to think about who could hold us accountable; we already have each other.  

Marriage allows for us to have a built-in accountability partner; that person who will help us achieve our goals.  One of the reasons people hire fitness trainers is to have an accountability partner.  A trainer meets you at the gym (one in which you are likely already a member), has you use the exact same equipment you could use on your own, and then guides you through a series of exercises you could also do by yourself.  So what’s the purpose of a trainer if they only have you do the same things you could do on your own?  Motivation and accountability.  

There is something about knowing whether you show up at the gym or not, your trainer will be there waiting for you and will call to give you a hard time if you don’t come.  They will stand over you and make sure you give it your all.  They push you, stretch you, pull you and do not allow you to give up.  They don’t have you do anything you could not otherwise do on your own but there is something about having them there that causes you to push beyond your comfort zone.

If you’ve set a goal this year to lose 20 pounds, ask your husband to hold you accountable in your diet and fitness.  If you’ve made a goal to finish your first manuscript, run a marathon, launch a business, whatever it is, use your built-in advantage.  You have something single people would love to have.  You have a partner for life.  So use that to get ahead and achieve your heart’s greatest desires.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Marriage Joins Two People in the Circle of its Love

Marriage is a commitment to life,
the best that two people can find and bring out in each other.
It offers opportunities for sharing and growth
that no other relationship can equal.

It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.Within the circle of its love,
marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships.
A wife and a husband are each other’s best friend,
confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic.

And there may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing,
and the love of the other may resemble
the tender caring of a parent or child.
Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life.

Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher,
commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly,
and passes away more quickly.Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life
is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life,
new experiences, new ways of expressing
a love that is deeper than life.

When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage,
they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer
than any spoken or written words.
Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people
who love each other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.

-Edmund O’Neill

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Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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