“It was my husband’s birthday and I was preparing the house for his arrival from home,” she began.  “The presents were bought and had reservations at a great restaurant,” she continued.  When her husband arrived home, he asked her to come into the living room; he had a question for her.

“Are you having an affair?” he asked calmly.  “Of course not!” she quickly shot back.  “Please don’t lie to me,” he responded.  She knew.  She knew he’d somehow find out.  After her face turned red and her eyes swelled with tears, she admitted she had indeed been carrying on an affair.  Crying and with an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame, she ran out of the house, got in her car and began to drive around.

The affair, Darlene shared with me over lunch, began innocently with exchanging texts.  Then it graduated to much more.  Darlene’s husband had always worked long hours.  Very long.  She began to resent that.  Throughout their course of marriage, she’d had 5 miscarriages.  It was tough.  She became bitter.  And over the years, that bitterness grew until it took over her heart and nothing he did was good enough and everything he did was all wrong.

“I never should have allowed those negative thoughts to grow,” Darlene said thinking in retrospect.  Her comment reminded me of a piece of advice shred with me recently during an interview.  “Never keep inviting negative thoughts to dinner or eventually they’ll get fat!”  Darlene expounded on that thought, “Negative thoughts run through our mind all day. Weird thoughts.  Uncharacteristic thoughts.  Thoughts I’m ashamed of repeating,” she said.  “The key is never allowing them to stay.  You can’t control them running through your mind, but you can control how much you feed them.”

After driving around for some time, Darelen finally returned home.  She immediately began packing her bags.  Her husband asked if she was leaving because she wanted to leave or because she felt as though she had to, “If you want to stay, I will forgive you,” he said as tears continued to pour down Darlene’s face.  “If you had an affair, that’s because our marriage was broken.  And if our marriage was broken, that means I had something to do with it.  So if you want to stay, stay.” He forgave her and looked for a pathway forward addressing what was lacking in their relationship.

All of a sudden, everything that once bothered her about him, no longer mattered.  Rather than being upset about his working long hours, she began to appreciate the reason he works such long hours is to provide for her and their four children.  “It comes down to those thoughts,” she surmised.  “I never should have let them in.  I never should have fed them.  If I could do it again, I’d shut them down from the very beginning.” 

I’ve said this so many times I hope I don’t sound like a broken record but happiness -especially, in marriage- is always a choice.  It is a daily choice, a weekly choice, a monthly choice and a moment-by-moment decision.  Our thoughts control our attitude and our attitude will always determine the greatness of our marriage.

Question:  How do you keep negative thoughts from planting seeds that could grow in your mind and heart?  Do you have the desire and will to choose happiness for your life and your marriage today?         

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I love it when I learn something new.  When something I thought I knew the answer to proves to be untrue, inaccurate, misguided or simple-minded.  For some that may be difficult, and when I first married Keith that was certainly the case for me, but over the years I’ve come to appreciate the growth that comes from knowing there is still so much for me to learn and so many areas in which I can improve.

When I set out over a week ago, traveling to 12 countries and all 7 continents in search of the secret to a happy marriage, I thought I was doing that in order to show women all over the world a loving and happy marriage is possible til’ death do you part.  But what I’ve discovered so far -and I’ve just barely reached the second country- is this was also about encouraging myself.

What I’ve realized in listening to all these wonderfully happy and genuine couples is all the right things Keith and I have been doing over these years is exactly what they’ve been doing for the past 20, 30, 40, 50-plus years and much more.  They’ve sustained it all over time.  For Keith and I, we’re just in the first leg of this marathon.  We will need to continue what we’re doing for the next half-century, if we are blessed to live that long.

I’ve realized meeting all these couples, interviewing them -and learning about how they established a great marriage from the start, laid a solid foundation by creating good habits, and built upon that foundation over time- I am giving myself the strength and knowledge I will need to do the same.  When naysayers look at us and say it’s not possible, I will think back to this journey and all those I met and know in my heart, it most certainly is.  As the world becomes more negative, I must fight to continue to be positive and not allow the outside world to adversely impact my marriage.

Keith and I have been building the foundation of our marriage for the past 9 years and next year we’ll celebrate a decade of togetherness.  Now, is not the time to get lazy or complacent.  The strength of every layer of our marriage will depend on how solid our foundation is in God, our trust and respect for each other, and our diligence toward making the right decisions over and over until they become great habits for the remainder of our lives.

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Tomorrow, I’ll be sharing with you the story of a husband’s enormous love and forgiveness for a wife who committed the ultimate wrongdoing in a marriage.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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In Winnipeg, I had a great time speaking with couples and wives in search of the secret to a happy marriage.  I’m excited to share with you an unbelievable story told to me while interviewing Darlene, a wife of more than 23 year.  Look out for that on Monday. 

The last couple I interviewed in Winnipeg was Irene & Dick, a successful husband and wife team with a large company and over 100 employees in the area.  During our conversation, as they were sharing with me their pathway to where they are today, Dick pondered our discussion.  “I was thinking as you were talking,” he began.  “There is a great business book, Good to Great.  In the book the writer determined what the difference was between good companies and great companies and how one could take a leap between the two positions,” he continued.

I love Good to Great.  One of my favorite business books of all time so I was familiar with its content and fascinated to hear what he thought that had to do with marriage.  “Do you remember what he discovered was the difference between good companies and great ones?” he inquired.  Uh huh.  “Great companies gave more to their customers, requiring less in return,” he concluded.

He then began recounting the past few days and how he gave around the house or to Irene and then began to question his own motives, like he was giving a self-review.

“We have a good marriage.  We’ve always had a good marriage.  But do we have a great marriage?  Can we have a great marriage?” he asked audibly but seemed to be posing the question to himself.  “Do I give more and require less?” he continued in his self-examination. 

As he was examining his heart, I had to examine my own.  Do I consistently give more and require less?  Do I always remember to be courteous, say thank you, give to my husband as I would to a stranger?  I’d love to believe I am consistent in this area but I’m not certain of that.  There are certain things over the years I’ve come to feel more entitled to or about.  That changes.  Today.

Question: Do you believe one of the keys to a successful marriage is what Dick said, giving more and requiring less?  

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Following my wonderful interview with Sandy in which I learned more about marriage than I could possibly fit into the last two blog posts, it was time to leave beautiful San Diego, Calfornia and head north to Winnpeg, Canada.

If you didn’t get a chance to read some of the wisdom from Sandy, a happy wife of 53 years, definitely check it out.  Her first piece of advice (paraphrased): Make marriage your Plan A and have no Plan b; it distracts from Plan A was a reminder to us all of what is most important in life.  And another great bit of advice: Let no one come between you helped us put our priorities in perspective.

I have already learned so much on my trip around the world…and I’ve not even left North America yet!  Yesterday, I sat down with a lovely lady, Darlene, who was unbelievably transparent, honest and shared she and husband’s road map to a happy marriage after an affair (hers, not his).  I can’t wait to share a few things I learned from her in my blog post tomorrow.

But for today, I wanted you to see some of the pictures I’ve snapped here in Winnipeg.  And I also want to leave you with one last piece of advice from Sandy (scroll down to below the pics for that).  Enjoy!

Sign as I was walking from the airport (where my hotel was located) to Waterfront Street.  I told the hotel I wanted to walk instead of taking a taxi (free exercise).  I walked over 25K roundtrip – whew!

Bus stops in Winnipeg are so clean even I thought about just sitting down in one

The grounds surrounding the legislative building are gorgeous; well manicured

All around the world the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee is being celebrated.  Including in Winnipeg

Winnipeg’s beautiful waterfront.  It’s so beautiful I didn’t even mind the water was brown

 My first beef bourguignon.  I’ve been wanted to try this since the movie Julie & Julia

 The sun didn’t go down until after 10pm each night.  Then it popped back up first thing in the morning

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There was one other piece of advice Sandy shared that I had to share with you: “Don’t invite negative thoughts to dinner or they will eventually get fat.”  Such wisdom!  When negative thoughts cross our mind, we must let them pass through.  Don’t entertain them.  Don’t feed them.  Let them grab some water and be on their way.  Keep your mind and thoughts positive and your life will follow suit.

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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This post is a continuation of my interview with Sandy, an HWC member and happy wife of 53 years.  It is also a part of my journey to 7 continents and 12 countries in search of the secret to a happy marriage.  My first stop was San Diego, California, where the beaches are endless and the sun sparkles off the shore.

In yesterday’s post, Sandy gave us one of her secrets to a happy marriage: Have no plan B; it distracts from plan A.  And today she gives us another: Let no one come between you.  Now, these weren’t Sandy’s exact words; I have a thing with fun titles.  But the advice is 100% hers.

Letting no one come between you.  And to some extent, she meant quite literally.  They stayed physically connected.  Until the very end, Sandy enjoyed sitting on Jim’s lap.  Even when she’d picked up some weight and would ask him if she was too heavy.  He always assured her she was not.  They made time to go out on date nights fro the very begining of their marriage -especially after they had children- even if it was just to the local coffee shop.  

They put each other first.  Before any other earthly relationship.  God came first in their life and then each other.  Their children, although loved with every bit of their heart, did not take precedence over their marriage.  They knew their children would likely leave home after 18 years or so and head to college.  Then they would start a family of their own and come to visit maybe once a week (if that much).

Sandy and Jim wisely concluded the relationship that would remain once the time came for the children to go out on their own, was the one they should maintain: their marriage.  So many couples put other relationships, business, and hobbies ahead of quality time with their spouse.  Not these two.  They determined their greatest investment would be in their marriage, and each other.

Question: Is there any relationship, other than God, you hold in higher regard than your marriage?  Is there any person, other than God, you esteem higher than your spouse?  Is there a project you tend to with greater care than your husband?  Is that something you willing to change so your marriage can flourish?

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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A large burgundy chair sits empty in Sandy’s home.  That was Jim’s chair.  I met Sandy online.  She’d joined HWC and captured my attention immediately.  In her first interaction with the Club, she asked if a widow could join the Club.  She recalls receiving such a warm welcome from the members.  Many posted notes assuring her she was welcome.  And in return she’s never stopped pouring out words of wisdom.

She knew the secret to a happy marriage.  I was certain of it.  She knew the key to promising to be together until the very end and keeping that vow.  I learned she lives in San Diego, California.  Just down the coast from me.  It’s one of the most beautiful coastlines in California.  The ocean breeze can be felt anywhere within 20 miles of the beaches.  

After a beautiful drive, it was time to meet Sandy.  She immediately began speaking about her late husband –his calm and steady nature, his patience, his support, his love for his family.  “I don’t want you to think I’m speaking of him so highly because he’s dead.”  I assured her I did not.  “I would speak of him the same way if he were sitting right here next to me.”  

So what is the reason she was able to hold on to such a loving relationship through the very end , I asked.  How did they manage to keep their love so strong that she still regularly sat on his lap after 50 years of marriage (and after she’d picked up quite a bit of weight according to her)?  She shared many.  Most of which I will share with you tomorrow as this post is getting really long.  

Divorce was never a thought.  No consideration was ever given to a plan B.  

One of my favorite quotes comes from an American actor, Will Smith.  Regarding his continuous success in films and business he said, “I don’t have a plan B, it distracts from plan A.”  In a later interview he expounded upon that, “Even contemplating a plan B necessitates a plan B.”

The reason they very rarely argued, listened to each other sides and if they couldn’t come to an agreement together just calmly agreed to disagree, is because they never put a pressure on themselves to resolve an issue immediately.  As far as they were concerned, they would be together forever so an agreement could be reached over time.  They were never so invested in their position they weren’t willing to consider the other’s opinion.

All in all, they loved like there was no tomorrow.  Treated each other with kindness like it might be the last day they’d be able to extend it.  And as they found out much sooner than Sandy was ready, tomorrow is never promised so love with all your heart today.

Question: Do you sometimes “sweat the small stuff”?  How do you think looking at every conversation with your spouse through that lens of “this next moment is not promised” might change it?

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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As I begin this expedition around the world to 7 continents and 12 countries in search of the secret to a happy marriage, I may have to nix one answer from the offset: Putting God First.  I have a strong belief in God and my entire life is shaped in response to that.  But I don’t know how that answer can possibly help anyone who either believes in God or at this present moment does not.

This may be a controversial post, so in advance, I ask that you keep your comments on our Facebook Community page cordial and considerate to others.  Many will agree with this viewpoint and many will disagree.  That’s okay.  

The purpose of my worldwide journey is to discover what separates those with happy marriages from those with unhappy ones and the conscious and subconscious choices both have made to impact their relationship.  This is the reason the inaugural request I made in my first interview was to think beyond the cliché of, “Put God first.”  

I call it a cliché because so many I’ve heard over the years (many, not all) who have used this as their response are the same ones who are unkind, rude and impatient with their husband and children.  It’s seems to be a blanket answer with little thought behind it; possibly used as an excuse for doing little to nothing proactive in one’s own relationship.

My goal throughout this journey, which will conclude toward the end of the year, is to share lessons that can be duplicated or improved upon in your marriage.  Every “secret” will help elevate your marriage from good to great.  Every morsel of advice will first be dipped in in the well of wisdom before dispensed to you.  

I commit to you through every posting on this site, I will do my best to always give practical tips; ones that can be applied in your marriage immediately to reap great rewards.  My belief is no matter how wonderful a relationship may be, it can always be better.  And no matter how much we think we know on any particular subject -especially marriage- someone always knows more.

In my travel to San Diego, California to meet Sandy, a happy wife of 53 years, I set out to discover her secret to a healthy, loving and fulfilled marriage.  What I left with was a determination to make changes to improve my own.  Her frankness (not to mention her feistiness) was wonderfully refreshing and I look forward to sharing our conversation with you tomorrow.

Here is today’s question: Do you believe “putting God first” is the secret to a happy marriage?  And if so, what does this really mean…in practical terms?  And does this mean those who do not believe in God cannot have a successful, loving and fulfilling marriage?  

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 39,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

I can’t believe the time has finally come for me to pack my bags and begin this journey of a lifetime.  I’ll start in San Diego, California with an interview sure to knock your socks off (and mine).  

Sandy was married to her husband, Jim, for 53 years until he passed away not too long ago.  She’s a member of this club and from the moment she began participating in our Facebook Community, I knew I wanted to meet her.  The loss of her husband was still raw and the advice and wisdom she posted for all of us to gleen from let me know she knows what marriage is all about and how to make it last.

Join me this Monday, as I begin travelling the world in search of the secret to a happy marriage, and sharing all I learn with you.

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 39,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

Tonight, after returning from Miami on a redeye flight, Keith and I headed down to baggage claim at Los Angeles International airport a little before midnight.  We were tired and hadn’t been told which luggage carousel would contain our bags so we just picked a place to stop and check email on our iPhones.

We were some of the first passengers to arrive and the others seemed to be confused about which carousel would contain our bags so they stood on the outskirts of the baggage claim area.  Keith and I also had no clue but decided to just choose one of the four available carousels to stand near.

Before we knew it, we were joined by a crowd.  All those who were standing along the walls joined us at the carousel we’d chosen.  Then all the passengers arriving from the various flights saw our carousel was the only one with people around it so they came over, as well.  After 50 or so joined us I turned to Keith and said, “We must really look like we know where we’re going because all these folks are standing at this carousel because of us.”  Keith looked up from checking emails on his phone and chuckled a bit.  He’d noticed the same thing.

Fifteen minutes later, there were more than 100 people standing around carousel number 4.  The one Keith and I randomly chose to stop at to check our emails.  I’m sure you can guess how this story ends.  All of our bags came down on…carousel number 3.

This is precisely the problem with following the crowd.  You never know where you’re headed is where you need to be.  When it comes to your marriage and family, be a leader not a follower.  And if you are simply uncomfortable charting your own path, or don’t know which way to go, make sure the one(s) you’re following are leading you in the direction you want to go.  Make sure their advice is leading you to a marriage filled with love, peace, laughter and a lifetime of happiness.  And the way you’ll know if they know where they’re leading is if they’ve already arrived at the destination or have been there before and know the best way back.

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With nearly 39,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

This post is a part of a series we began last week, 101 Ways to Improve Your Marriage.  I asked thousands of members of this Club what ways they’d suggest for improving one’s marriage.  The many responses we received is what has -and will continue to- shape this series.

If you’re already a ‘Happy Wife,’ make sure to Join the Club.  If you are working toward becoming more fulfilled in your marriage, this series is definitely for you.  If your marriage is all you ever hoped or dreamed, this series is also for you because we always have room for improvement.

4. Respect His Fathering and Leadership

What a tricky, tricky subject.  But with Father’s Day fresh in our minds, I’d be remiss not to include this important suggestion.  From the time most of us were young girls, we had mothering on the mind.  

In my case, I had seven Cabbage Patch dolls, all of which I considered my children.  As I got older, I babysat as often as possible and had this amazing ability to make any child stop crying.  To say I was a baby whisperer would be an overstatement but to say I was born with maternal instincts would have been an understatement.

Most men on the other hand, grew up playing with Tonka trucks, trains, wrestler toys and anything “macho.”  If they were born with a paternal instinct, that would be incredibly rare.  It’s just the way we’re wired.  Whenever I see a 5-year old girl in a store pushing a toy baby stroller around with their doll in it, I’m reminded of this fact.

What comes natural to us, men have to take the time to learn.  In many instances, they’ll need our help.  But in some cases, they must find their own path to parenthood.  Their style of fathering may be different from your style of mothering.  As a matter of fact, that is likely the case.  But allowing your husband to be a leader to his child is important.  It’s crucial to your children’s development and it’s critical to your marriage.

Men, with all their strengths, have many weaknesses.  Pride and ego seem to be innate characteristics.  They need pats on the back.  They need to be told they’re needed, desired, loved.  In this regard, they are far more fragile and needy than we are (although they will likely never say it).  They need to be told they’re a good dad.  And they need to be given the ability to father their children.

He’s going to make mistakes in parenting.  Probably even more than you.  But it’s important to your marriage and important to your child.  It’s a matter of trust.  It’s a matter of honor.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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We are happy wives because we have husbands who love and cherish us.  And for many of us, our husbands are also fathers.  Let’s spend this day expressing our appreciation for their kindness, dedication, leadership and love.

To be shared with the one you love:

If you haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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This morning, after sleeping more than 11 hours straight, I rolled over and looked at the clock.  Yikes!  I meet so many of you here first thing in the morning on Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays and today I’m late.  Incredibly late.  But I’ve got a good reason.

I slept.  That may not sound like a good reason but my body clearly needed it.  I’ve been working such long hours, as has Keith, so we decided to take a few days off and travel to Aruba.  I came a day ahead because he had a last minute meeting he had to take before joining me here.  Now, I excitedly await his arrival.

As I was walking along the beach yesterday afternoon, I was reminded of how much I enjoyed being alone when I was single.  This is a very romantic island so many seemed confused when I asked for a table for one at dinner last night.  But I did that alot when I was single and it never struck me as odd (although I can’t say the same for the waiters who served me).  I was perfectly happy and content when I met my husband.  I truly enjoyed being alone.

Then love changed all that.  My life went from wonderful to absolutely amazing.  As much as I enjoyed being single, I can’t imagine going back to that place.  Life with my husband is so much better.  I never minded having dinner alone, I even enjoyed it.  But having someone to talk to, laugh with, smile at and hold hands under the table, is such a gift.  A gift I do not take for granted.

So as I sit in my hotel room in Aruba, overlooking the beautiful ocean, I am thinking about three things: the amazing wonders of God’s hands painting this beautiful earth, my hubby who is on a plane Aruba-bound, and you.  I’m thinking about you this moment hoping you will cherish your extraordinary life with the one you love.  Being single was fun, but nothing compares to a lifetime with your best friend.

If you haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 38,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook