If you’ve followed this blog for some time, you know you can usually meet me here every Monday, Wednesday and Friday around 5am.  It’s how I begin those days.  This week, I’ve begun each day in a very different way: driving to visit my father in the hospital.  

On Sunday, my cell phone was uncharacteristically overloaded by texts and calls from 3 of my 5 siblings.  My phone was on vibrate so I didn’t see them until an hour or so after my family initially began trying to reach me.  The last text from one of my sisters read, “Dad is on life support.”

By the time Keith and I arrived at the hospital, there were more than 20 family members sitting around waiting on news from the doctors.  My mom, who has loved and adored this man -her husband and my father- for nearly 40 years, sat with her head down; drained.  It had been a long day.

I cannot imagine what it must feel like to not only have to think about the possibility of losing your spouse, but to know that time may now be upon you.  To sit, helpless, hoping and praying God will choose another day to take your loved one home.

I’m reminded in this moment of something every widow I’ve ever met -including those who are members of this club- have shared with me regarding marriage.  ”Don’t sweat the small stuff.”  In the end, the only thing that will matter is who we loved, how much we loved and how well we loved.    

As my mom continues to spend her upcoming days believing my father, her husband, will hear the words she expresses while seated at the side of his hospital bed, I encourage you to take a moment to share with your husband all the words you might want to say if today were your last day together.  

Today’s question was originally posed by Richard Carlson (author of the Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff series) in An Hour to Live, an Hour to Love.  He presented this unintentional manuscript to his wife on their 18th wedding anniversary just three years before his unexpected and untimely death.  Don’t allow the day to come to a close without first posing this question to yourself.

Question: If you had one hour to live and could make just one phone call, who would you call? What would you say?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Last night, I watched the lit candle on the edge of our kitchen counter.  Tropical Medley is the scent and I love lighting it as the work day comes to a close to fill our home with it’s mild fruity fragrance.  When I want a spicier scent, I light the deep red candle on the coffee table in our living room that warms our home with the smell of cinnamon.

As I looked at the flicker of the lit candle, dancing around the jar while remaining contained in the glass that surrounds it and watched it gently melt the wax that keeps it burning so bright, I thought about marriage.  I’m not quite sure why exactly this made me think about marriage, it just did.

I thought about my own marriage and how Keith and I work daily to keep the fire lit in our marriage.  Oftentimes when people talk about lighting or striking a fire, they’re referring to sex.  And although I love to make love to my husband (and he most assuredly is generous in his reciprocity), that’s not what he wants from me most.

I’ve watched him over the years and discovered what he craves most is oneness with me.  Knowing that he is pleasing me in every way possible and hearing me exclaim it and proclaim it out loud (that’s in sex too – sorry neighbors ).  It’s important to him to know his love for me, all he does for our family and the sacrifices he makes to ensure I’m the happiest woman he knows, never goes unnoticed.

I’ve often found myself saying this lately, but I keep sharing it because I find it to be so true: Gratitude begets happiness.  When I wake up in the morning and am grateful to God, to life, to my family, to my husband for all that happened the day before and am grateful in advance for what will happen in that day, I just feel better; happier.

And so it is with my husband, I’ve discovered.  My gratitude not only makes me happy, it makes him happy.  It not only ensures a wonderful day for myself, it ensures an equally beautiful day for him.  So when I think about keeping the fire lit in my marriage, I think most about living a grateful life.  For him, for me, for our family, for our marriage.

Question: Does your happiness positively impact your husband’s day and your marriage?  When you’re happy, does that make him smile all the more?

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!  You deserve it.

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To celebrate my 36th birthday, Keith took me away this past weekend.  One word: Amazing.  He told me(Point Vicente Lighthouse) nothing about where we were going and packed my bags so I had no clue.

Once we got in the car, I expected to be driving for a pretty long road trip.  Thirty minutes after leaving home, we exited the 405 freeway at Wilshire Boulevard.  He began smiling because he knew I was trying to figure out where he was taking me and whatever I thought I knew went right out the window the moment he put his right blinkers on to exit.  

Our first stop was the spa.  I know this man loves me because he sat in the waiting area for 90 minutes chatting with the spa owner as I got a facial.  Second stop was a delicious restaurant just down the street followed by our final destination: Rancho Palos Verdes, California.  

(My honey getting ready to ride)This city, less than 30 minutes south of Los Angeles, is absolutely stunning.  I can’t believe I’ve never spent time here.  It sits on a peninsula with the most gorgeous ocean views I’ve seen in California.  Unlike other nearby beaches, the water is pure blue and green.  It hasn’t been tainted by waste and pollution.  

I love to hike and there are hiking trails throughout the city, many which meander through bluffs overlooking the ocean, and one that ends at the Pointe Vicente lighthouse.  After the first night at this amazing hotel (which he definitely splurged on), he took me horseback riding.  Next to writing and travelling, there is nothing I love more than horseback riding. 

For three nights, we did nothing but relax and enjoy each other’s company.  But I can’t help but think as lovely as it was to ride horses through the rolling green hills, hike below the cotton candy blue and pink skies and above the azure waters below, nothing compared to simply being held in my husband’s arms.  Nothing.  

When I think about marriage, about all the reasons in the world one might choose to utter that two-word lifelong commitment, “I do,” I think about times like this.  Times when everything around me -no matter how amazingly beautiful- pales in comparison to my husband’s warm embrace.

Question: When you think about your husband, what about him makes you smile with absolute delight?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 50,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

Keith has taken me away for my birthday and I won’t return from my surprise until later tonight.  I can’t wait to tell you all about it on Wednesday!  But today, we have a guest post by Arlene Pellicane, a speaker and the author of 31 Days to a Happy Husband.  You can visit Arlene’s website at www.ArlenePellicane.com.  I hope you enjoy today’s post and make it a great day!

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A few years ago, I read about a seven-day sex challenge where wives where challenged to make love to their husbands every day for one week.  The reason?  To deepen intimacy with one another and treasure your spouse in a special way.  I decided to give it a try.  My husband James and I had sex on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.    By Wednesday, I just wanted to go to sleep!  But I only had three more days to complete my challenge and I love checking off boxes on my “to-do” list.   

James had not made any unusual comments about my experiment in romance.  Exhausted I said, “I’ve been doing this seven-day sex challenge.  Did you know?” 

He laughed and said, “I thought it was the new normal!”

Then it was my turn to laugh!

We as men and women have different expectations about sex, don’t we?  And each week is different.  Some weeks, you have time for wonderful romantic evenings.  Other weeks, minimum maintenance seems impossible.  Travel might take you away from each other.  You may have different expectations about frequency.  Getting on the same page sexually can be frustrating.  But keep this in mind: your sex life doesn’t have to be perfect.  You just have to be in the process of growing closer and closer sexually. 

Regarding frequency, I asked Dr. Cliff Penner who has been a sex therapist for more than 35 years and the bestselling author of The Gift of Sex.  He said,

There’s not a one size fits all solution.  But we have generally said the married life seems to work out best if couples have sex one to two times a week.  When couples come to us, they’re not usually that far apart.  The wife usually wants it one to two times, and the husband wants it two to three times per week.

Conversations about sex can be difficult but they are vital to the health of the marriage.  When you and your husband can talk freely about sex without the fear of being belittled or shut down, different expectations won’t wreck your lovelife.  You and your husband many enjoy something special that will even exceed your expectations!        

Question:  Can you talk freely about your expectations regarding sex with your husband?  Can he do the same with you? 

Comments: With more than 50,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

Next week marks my 36th birthday.  I truly love getting older.  I’m not too sure why -as many women like to begin counting backwards after reaching age 30- but not me.  

Maybe because it’s that time when I do a self-assessment and look at all my goals of the previous year and the areas where I’ve improved.  Possibly because I’m fortunate to have great family genes and seem to look younger each year (although not in a Benjamin Button kind of way).

Whatever the reason, I love raising a glass every birthday and toasting to a new year.  Out with the old and in with the new.  Today, I am even more excited because for the first time in my life, I’m being surprised!  

I’ve never been big on surprises but the longer I’m married, the more I seem to enjoy not knowing what Keith has planned.  He knows me so well -possibly better than I know myself- so I fully trust him to make this annual day a complete delight.

He’s packed my clothes so I have no idea what I’m wearing. He’s made all the dinner reservations so I have no I’m clueless with regard to what I’ll be eating the next three days.  And he’s driving, while I’ll be sleeping, so I know nothing about where we’ll be going.  In spite of the unknown, I can’t wait!

Like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, when Richard Gere is about to surprise her with a special (and secret) date, she says to him as they’re exiting the elevator of their hotel, “If I forget to tell you later, I really had a good time tonight.”  I think that’s what I’ll tell Keith when we begin our trip in just a few hours…and then continue to tell him every hour thereafter.

Question: What was your favorite surprise from your husband?  What has been your favorite birthday celebration since getting married?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 49,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

“Love is not love until love’s vulnerable.” -Theodore Roethke

This past weekend, I was reminded of an all too important truth: one of the greatest offensive strategies to avert senseless arguments is remaining vulnerable.  Keith did something that really disappointed me.  So much so, that I responded in an out of character way that hurt him.  

I felt as though he hadn’t fully recognized my disappointment.  On the other hand, my response was all he could focus on because he spends so much time trying to ensure my happiness (he really is the most loving husband ever) and felt as though I was showing a lack of appreciation in that regard.  

While we were in the midst of the conversation, I found myself tempted to dig my heels in and hold my ground; determined to be right.  Instead, I got up an went into the bathroom and determined I would remain vulnerable.  As the great quote goes, “Marriage is a win-win or lose-lose proposition.  Either both will win or both will lose but you can’t have it both ways.”    

With this in mind, I emerged from the bathroom and apologized for not expressing my expectations better, which kept him from being able to meet them.  I apologized for making him feel unappreciated.  And then something happened neither of us could have seen coming.  

I began to cry.  And not a pretty cry; an ugly, can barely talk or breathe kind of cry.  He immediately jumped up and ran over to where I was standing and wrapped me in his arms.  He stroked my hair and apologized for not communicating well either.

I remained vulnerable which allowed him to assume his favorite role of protector.  If Keith had things his way, he’d shield me from every potential hurt or disappointment in this world.  The last thing he ever wants to do is be the inflictor of either.  In that crucial moment, where our conversation could have escalated from calm discussion to a heated disagreement, I was reminded of this fact I know to be true.

Question: Has there been a time recently where instead of remaining vulnerable, you dug your heels in and determined you would be right?  How do you think it could have turned out if you’d remained open instead?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 49,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

On Friday, I shared my humbling moment of asking Keith how he’d score me as a wife (against a perfect version of myself) on a scale of 1-to-10.  But I’m so happy I asked the question so I knew where I was starting from before I wasted time working on areas that weren’t important to him.

While I was recently in Australia, I asked Keith to send me a list of the top 6 things he thought I could do to be a better wife and woman overall.  Here was his list for me:

1. Greater outreach and relationship development with friends and family

2. Increase your willingness to try something new

3. Order food as it is presented on the menu

4. Think more before speaking – this has improved a great deal, but continued work isn’t bad

5. Be more flexible (e.g., not getting too locked into a particular routine)

6. Strive to be in the moment and not get zoned out – particularly with work

Prior to making this request of Keith, I did a self-assessment of the areas I could improve upon and created a list of 12 goals.  My plan was to tackle one goal a month.  That was until I received this list from Keith and realized I was completely off base.  

Out of the 6 areas of improvement he identified as most important to him, only one was on my my list.  And of the 12 goals on my list, only one did he consider important.  This was a great lesson and reminder to me that if I want to be the best wife I can be, the best thing to do is just ask my husband how I can be better.  No one knows what he needs and desires better than him so humbling myself to ask the question just saved me from wasting 12 months tackling issues that are non-issues to him.

Question: Have you ever asked your husband in what areas he thought you could improve as a wife and a woman overall?  It’s a great exercise.  At least, it was for me.  

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With nearly 49,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

Spending the last two months interviewing women around the world who have been happily married 25 years or more has been eye-opening to say the least.  As I suspected, these women all have so much in common.  The happy wives in South Africa are just like those in the Philippines and those in the Philippines are so similar to those in New Zealand and so on.  

I learned more throughout these interviews than I ever thought possible and decided I wanted to return to the States and work toward becoming an even better wife.

I thought I was a great wife.  Not a perfect wife but a pretty fantastic one.  My husband loves, respects and adores me and would do anything for me so I was pretty confident I was a pretty awesome wife.  Not to mention, I have a club that’s all about happily married women (of which, I am proud to be a member).  

So imagine my surprise (and momentary dismay) when I recently asked Keith, “If you graded me as a wife on a scale of 1-to-10, with 10 being highest what would I score?” 

He began comparing me to wives we knew, “Compared to so-and-so you’re 100.  And compared to so-and-so, you’re definitely a 100 on a scale of 1-to-10!”  As great as that felt, that wasn’t my question.  “I only want you to compare me against me.  The wife I am now compared to the wife I have the potential to be.”  He gave me a 7.  Well, that was humbling. 

“Honey, you asked me to compare you now against your potential; against a perfect Fawn,” he said.  If I gave you a 9 or a 10, you’d be a hot mess and wouldn’t be motivated to keep improving.”  He’s probably right.  “So when I’ve made the 6 improvements you’ve given me –the list you sent while I was in Australia- will that bring me to an 8?” I inquired grasping for a way to quickly improve my sub par score.  “At the very least an 8.”  I can handle that.

On Monday, I’ll share with you the list of 6 improvements Keith gave me on helping become a better wife and person and the reason it was he gave me the list (here’s a hint: I asked for it).

Question: Have you ever asked your husband to score his happiness as a husband or to score you (on a scale of 1-to-10) as a wife?

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With nearly 48,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

Quick Note: Now, that I’m back from my travels around the world, in search of the secret to a happy marriage, I’ll return to blogging on my usual schedule instead of 5 days a week as I’ve done since June. So now you can find me here every Monday, Wednesday and Friday with a fresh new post just for you.

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While I was travelling, and meeting Happy Wives Club members around the world, the greatest (yet accidental) thing happened.  In order to assemble HWC members in various cities, I created get-togethers through a site called MeetUp.com.  I’ve used them before to find Spanish immersion groups in my area.

What I didn’t realize when I was setting up the group page for the Philippines, Fiji, and Mauritius, was the site would use my local Los Angeles address as the location.  So although the events were being held in other countries, when people looking in the Los Angeles area for groups to connect with who have similar interests, they would be lead to the Happy Wives Club meetup page.

Immediately, I began getting notes from other happily married women living within a few miles from me (some within a few blocks) wanting to get together to chat about love, life and our wonderful marriages.  Although people have asked me in the past if I plan to host HWC conferences (which I don’t), I’ve never thought about encouraging members of this club who live or work near each other to possibly form local chapters or simply get together to meet new people.

I was prompted to think about this again when I received a new email from Meetup.com that said, “Sabrina just joined Happy Wives Club!”  There are now 11 women in my community who have joined a group I created by mistake.  But now I’m intrigued and cautiously excited about the thought of taking this club offline (of course, also keeping it online) and meeting people right in my backyard.

What about you?  Would you be interested in meeting other HWC members that live in your community or a nearby city?  My time in the Philippines, with the women of this club who were all meeting each other for the first time, was one of the highlights of my trip.  Simply amazing.  

Question: So what do you think?  Is this a good idea?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 47,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

When I posted a simple image on Facebook this weekend, something happened I’ve never seen happen on our FB community page before.  The exact number of people who hit “Like” also shared the graphic on their own page: 3,594 people shared the graphic to the right on their Facebook pages as an homage to their hubbies.  And nearly 200 of those who shared the page took the time to share why they loved their husband so much.

It’s a simple tee shirt graphic I found online and loved (and now need to track down the link to the actual tee shirt company so I can purchase one).

But since the discussion was so popular, I wanted to make sure I posted it here just in case you missed it.  And I also wanted to invite you to share why you love your husband too.  

So go ahead and join the discussion on our Facebook Community page.  With more than 47,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

A little less than two months after beginning my trip around the world -to see if there is a universal secret to a happy marriage- I returned home full of hope and excited about my future discoveries.  

By the time I arrived in New Zealand, I’d already visited 8 countries on this journey and interviewed couples happily married 25-plus years for their take on what a couple needs to make their marriage happily last a lifetime.

Since June, I have been in a different country every 4-5 days.  Walking through the arrivals terminal in Auckland, I looked at a sign instructing transferring passengers to turn right and those visiting Auckland to turn left. 

I stood for a moment looking at that sign wondering how disappointed friends meeting me at the airport would be if I headed to a ticket counter and asked to book a flight back to Los Angeles.  But I was homesick (or to be more accurate, hubbysick).

I don’t know if you’ve ever been away from your husband for any length of time beyond a couple weeks but I found it incredibly diffficult.  Talking to his mom this afternoon, she said how shocked she was at how well we both held up considering our daily longing for one another.  I guess it’s because we both feel this to be such a worthy mission.  It’s not just to encourage members of this club, but also to encourage myself, and learn from the wisdom pouring forth from these amazing couples.

So I’m back at home -exactly where I belong- for at least the next few months.  I cut my journey short but still have 3 more countries and 2 additional continents I’ve committed to visit before I can share with you my findings.  But what I do know for certain, and I’m more than happy to report, there are happy wives all over this world.  They aren’t figments of the world’s imagination.  We are real. 

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 46,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

I may be the only person with this challenge but I recently realized I do something that, in the long run, could be detrimental to my marriage.  I put pressures on myself and then become so overwhelmed by my self-inflicted stress that I don’t notice the simplest things around me.

Since returning from my trip around the world in search of the universal secret to a happy marriage, I’ve bombarded myself with a massive to-do list and for some reason feel the need to finish everything TODAY.  

On Monday, the first full day following my return, I created a list of the most urgent tasks I needed to get completed over the next couple days and ranked them in order of importance.   By the end of the day, I realized I’d spent most of my day on the least consequential items and the “big ones” still remained.  

This, of course, caused me to become a bit stressed.  Tuesday night, I got so engrossed in my work I completely forgot Keith was waiting for me to do something with him.  By the time I realized, it was bedtime.

Keith is incredibly understanding and gives me alot of “passes” on my oft-times misguided ways.  ”Pass” or not, this is something I’m determined to change.  

One of the things I’ve learned from the dozens of happily married people I interviewed on my journey is those who’ve been married 25-plus years really have a great understanding of what is important and what can wait.  These couples, many happily married 35, 45 and 55 years, determined to make their relationship more important than anything in the outside world.  Their marriage and household is of the utmost importance to both of them.

They determined that in the end, after they’d each retired or could no longer keep up with the hectic pace of their work life, their companies would continue on without them.  But their marriage, if they did not tend to it daily, would not.  I say my marriage is the most important relationship in this world, and I most certainly mean it.  But sometimes my actions, unfortunately, reflect a different truth.  Does that ever happen to you?

Question: What is the best way to ensure stress from the outside world doesn’t creep into your home and interrupt (or distract you from) time with your family?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 46,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook