Several months ago, while I was traveling around the world, interviewing couples happily married 25-years or more in search of the secret to a happy marriage, I discovered something fascinating.  Something I wasn’t quite expecting.  I determined there were 12 common denominators between all of the couples.  Twelve glaring similarities I simply could not ignore.

From Canada to South Africa to Mauritius, London, Rome, Croatia, the Philippines, New Zealand and Australia, interviewing each of the couples was like speaking with a variation of the same.  Their cultures were diverse, how and where they grew up in the world was different, even their faiths were dissimilar, and yet they were so alike.

When deciding who I would interview in each country, I had only one requirement of the people setting up the interviews.  I asked my friends who’d grown up in other countries, or lived in the countries I’d be visiting, to point me to the one couple they think of when I mention what some believe to be an oxymoron, “happily married.”  

I was in search of that one couple who have been so consistent in their love and affection toward one another that their families, friends and communities all took notice.  I only wanted to interview couples in each of the 12 countries I’d be visiting who over the years have proven their love to be real.  And each of the couples I interviewed fit this mold.

What I didn’t use to determine who would be chosen for interviews was race, socio-economic class, upbringing, culture or even their faith.  But one of the things I found most interesting after interviewing them all is they each had a belief in God.  All of them prayed for answers when they could not find them on their own.  

One couple I interviewed in New Zealand, Mark and Barbara, fell in love with each other after Mark had been given a life threatening cancer diagnoses.  The doctors said they had given all the treatments his teenage body could take and informed his family he had no more than two years to live.  Now, happily married for more than 28 years, they contribute their life together to a unwavering faith and trust in God.

Story after story, each couple proclaimed their love for one another and their love for God.  They shared with me how difficult communication would be if they didn’t have a faith in Someone much greater than them.  Someone who could serve as a liaison between the two; helping each other understand one another better.

So when thinking about boosting the happiness in one’s marriage, I have to wonder if it is even possible to be blissfully happy in your marriage for 10, 20, 30, 40 even 50 years and not have a relationship with God.  I’m not sure.  I can’t answer that question because I’ve traveled the world interviewing happily married couples and am yet to meet one who fits that bill.  

Then again, maybe that in and of itself answers the question and reminds us why a relationship with God is one of the three components of the happiness triangle.  On the other hand, I’ve met many couples and singles who love God and are absolutely miserable.  But there is a reason.  And for that, you’ll have to join me tomorrow as I take on the misconception that all you need is God to be happy.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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How in the world did we get to Day 17 of our 21 Days to a Happier You series so quickly?  In this final week, we’ve shifted our focus away from deepening the relationship we have with ourselves and those around us, and toward the third relationship needed to complete our happiness triangle.  The relationship that gives us an ability to develop genuine and lifelong happiness in our lives (no matter what may be going on around us).  A connection with the One who is greater than all of us combined.

One of the greatest benefits of believing in God and nurturing that most important relationship, is you have a dependable friend to share your trials with.  And not just any friend, but One who is able to take the challenge and give you the wisdom to overcome it.  When we make the mistake in believing solely in our own abilities, we rest the weight of the world squarely on our own shoulders.  But we were never meant to carry such a heavy load.

A belief in Someone much greater than all of us gives us the ability to create a still point in a turning world.  It allows you to look at everything around you, be grateful for all that has happened (the good for obvious reasons and the bad because it’s taught you so many lessons and made you the person you are today), and trust that your future is bright.  To know with certainty in your heart that the water in front of you is not a mirage.  

If your future rested solely in your own hands, there would be little to be happy about.  The stress of the world would take refuge in your mind.  If my life was based solely on my own brilliance and ability to make things happen, writing daily articles on happiness would be impossible.  I simply would not have the words (or genuine expression). 

The good news for me and for you is there is a God looking over the earth and orchestrating our lives.  There is a God willing to take all of our challenges and burdens onto His shoulder so we can be relieved of having them on ours.  

Knowing this, allows us to look at all struggles as temporary and to maintain our happiness and joy throughout the good times and the tough ones.  

So is faith in God imperative to lasting happiness?  I’ll let you make that determination.  In my own life, that answer is absolutely.  Happiness is a choice and with the grace of God, you have the ability and option to choose it every day of your life.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I have only once met a happy atheist.  That is not to say more don’t exist.  I’m simply observing that I’ve only personally met one.  I oftentimes wonder if the reason for that is how difficult the challenges in life must seem if there is no one greater than us out there.  

If our only salvation is mankind, and we know human beings to be so flawed, is it possible that optimism is nearly unattainable for those without a faith in Someone bigger, greater, omniscient, omnipresent who we know keeps our best interest at heart?  

Viewing the world through a prism of faith in people and a belief in God allows us to see the best of all things, without being naive or so optimistic that pragmatism falls on deaf ears.  Seeing the glass as half full is something that proves to be challenging without a faith in people and a belief that Someone -much greater than us- is in complete control of the universe.

I recently read an article from a series in Psychology Today called The Mystery of Happiness.  In it Dr. T. Byram Karasu states, “The prism of faith catches the light and disperses it on every aspect of your life, whether it is health, work satisfaction, marital contentment, or death. Pessimism is spiritual starvation. Seeing the world through the no-faith prism is simply a misunderstanding of life.” 

Pessimism can be a life suck.  It more often than not will reveal itself as a thief of happiness.  It takes away what is rightfully yours and replaces it with a distortion of reality and facts.  

Regularly assuming the worst from people and in life is one of the shortest journeys to unhappiness.  Driving on that rocky road keeps us on guard; always on the defensive.  In sports, a strong defense is what wins the game.  In life, the exact opposite is true.

There was once a time when people believed pessimism and optimism were as a result of personality; traits inherited at birth.  But science has since proven these two distinctive outlooks are mindsets we adopt as situations arise rather than something passed down generationally.  They are learned responses.  

The good news, however, is we have always been and will always be in complete control of our outlook.  How we view life, and thus our ability to create happiness within it, lies in our beliefs.  And an ability to change your outlook from pessimistic to optimistic rests solely in your decision to do so.

Many argue there are uses for pessimism in the world.  I agree.  But when it comes to creating and building happiness in your life, viewing the world through a prism of faith rather than optics of pessimism will quickly prove to be the gift that just keeps on giving.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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It’s Day 15 of our 21 Days to a Happier You series and it is my sincere hope you’ve gained more over the past two weeks than you ever thought possible.  This week, we will tackle one of the weightiest topics I’ve ever attempted on this blog.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, when I kicked off this series, I shared with you my belief that there are only 3 things that impact our overall happiness for better or for worse:

Relationship with Self

Relationship with Others

Relationship with God

I knew from the moment I typed that third line, these next 7 days would be the most challenging in the series to write.  

One of the reasons I had that thought was because I know HWC is quite possibly one of the most diverse women’s community in the world.  

With members in more than 100 countries, hundreds of different cultures, socio-economic backgrounds, beliefs, faiths and values, stating a person’s relationship with God is pivotal to their overall happiness can potentially raise more questions than it deliver answers.  

But I also knew I had to be honest with you and share that I’ve met very few people who have found true happiness (and certainly a happy marriage) without a belief in Someone much greater than themselves. 

Maybe it’s because of how I was raised or perhaps my unwavering belief in God is partially a result of something I once heard my pastor, Rick Warren say, “I don’t personally have enough faith to be an atheist.” 

I didn’t begin this club two years ago with the hope of changing people’s religious views and I am not going to begin adjusting its purpose now.  I’ve spent close to two decades studying happiness -its causes and effects- but I do not, in any shape or form, consider myself an expert.  I am a perpetual learner (and applier of what I’ve learned).

My personal experiences, and those of the thousands of others I’ve spoken to on this subject over the years, has caused me to conclude the most challenging road to happiness is a faithless one.  

For this reason, I could not in good faith write a 21-day series on boosting your happiness and not spend one-third of that time on the benefits of building a stronger relationship with God.  

I recognize this will not ring true for everyone, and for those in which this does not settle well, I say to you, “Grace, my friend.”  I ask you, with the greatest humility, to forgive me in advance if this portion of the series causes you any form of disappointment.  And if you’re certain this doesn’t impact your happiness, feel free to ignore me (promise, I won’t be offended ).  

On this site, I write solely from experience -always have, always will- and recognize my vantage point is shaped by those experiences (as well as the many I’ve interviewed over the years) which may differ greatly from yours.  And I respect that.  I respect you.

I write this final week out of a desire for everyone in this club to not only be happy in your marriage but in your life.  I’m certainly stepping out of my comfort zone by writing it (if you can’t already tell) and recognize it most certainly will not be what you’re accustomed to reading here in my daily posts.  But I trust, if you return here for the next six days with an open heart, your ability to create and build happiness in every aspect of your life will be yours for the taking.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Today we wrap up the second week of this 21-day series and I can’t think of a better way to end it than focusing on the relationship with our spouse.  When we began this series, I mentioned there are only 3 things that impact our overall happiness for better or for worse.  

The first is the relationship with ourselves; how we view and treat ourselves.  The second is our relationship with others; how we view, interact and treat those around us.  This week, we’ve focused on building better relationships with our family, in-laws, community, those you find difficult to love, and our co-workers.  And today, we’re talking about building up a better relationship with your spouse.

Such a topic is difficult to do in one blog post, and in less than 500 words, so I will share with you the one thing I believe most couples -even those with great marriages- can benefit from doing more.  It’s something I learned from my husband when a married couple inquired with him about our communication styles.  They wanted to know why (and how) we seemed to communicate so well.  His response was an ‘aha’ moment, “I always presume innocence in all situations.”  

“Meaning, I presume that we both want to understand each other,” he continued, “and I know that we both love each other madly—not for just a season, but for our lifetimes. With that perspective I can approach whatever situation with as much gentleness as possible.  Which allows us to ease into conversations rather than crashing into arguments.”  

For so many, arguments don’t stem from a lack of communication, but rather they arise from an absence of patience and a failure to presume innocence.  Not one of us is such a great communicator that we will never be misunderstood.  Interpretation contributes just as much to understanding as listening does.  That is why presuming innocence and being patient in conversation with your spouse is so important.

Happiness in a relationship does not mean you are without arguments.  But fewer arguments and greater understanding can certainly lead to an increase in happiness in your marriage.  Benjamin Disraeli, the former British Prime Minister wrote in a letter to Queen Victoria’s fourth daughter on the announcement of her engagement, “”There is no greater risk than marriage.  But there is nothing happier than a happy marriage.“  

One of the best ways to boost the happiness in your marriage is to decrease the misunderstandings.  And I believe, after having interviewed couples from around the world on the secrets to their happy marriage, one the best ways to decrease the misunderstandings is to slow down the conversation (apply patience) and presume innocence.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Releasing the expectation of perfection in yourself and in others may be one of the most difficult tasks we must accomplish as women.  I’m not sure how or why so many of us grew up desiring perfection; especially, in what we all know to be an imperfect world.  In theory, we accept that we’re imperfect people and yet, we still try to reach perfection in nearly everything we do and we tend to have the same expectation of others.  It is generally our expectations of others that fail us; not the actual person.

I am a recovering perfectionist.  I phrase it that way because perfectionism is like an addiction and it can be incredibly difficult to kick the habit.  When I first married in 2003, I didn’t realize this about myself.  Whenever Keith would point out an area he thought I could improve upon, I would immediately turn the tables around and point out a similar area in which he could use a little growth. 

The desire to be perfect was one of my greatest flaws in the early years of our relationship.  So much so that it made me defensive and made Keith reluctant to share his less-than-positive thoughts with me.  That was, until I had an ‘aha’ moment.  I realized I can never change or improve upon another person; that must be their own work.  I can only change and improve upon myself.  I didn’t need to point out his imperfections as a defense mechanism to keep him from pointing out mine.  Being perfect, I discovered, was A-okay; it was simply a reminder that I was only human. 

Welcoming constructive criticism from my husband -who I know loves and adores me to pieces- rather than resisting it, has made me a better person.  Reminding myself daily that I’m a work in progress (W.I.P.) and will never be perfect (nor should I ever strive to be) has allowed me to fully enjoy life without this unrealistic burden.  

Sharing with my husband areas in which I believe he still has room to grow, while allowing him to do it in his own time and at his own pace, let’s him know I love him exactly where he is today.  And he, in turn, does exactly the same which frees me to just be me…one million flaws and all.  I’m able to spend my time basking in everything wonderful about him and know that his flaws will lessen as time goes on (just as mine will).  

There is something oddly freeing about focusing on what is great about those around you while simultaneously accepting constructive criticism about yourself from those who love you.  Not because you want your closest friends and family to point out every area in your life that could use some growth.  But rather because inviting this type of feedback allows you to hear what others are likely thinking but may not be transparent enough to say.  

Accepting you are a W.I.P. takes the pressure off of you to be perfect, which in turn, removes your expectancy that other’s too will be without flaws.  And when you let go of your hope for other’s to be perfect, a similar grace is naturally bestowed upon you.  Release your expectation of perfection in yourself and others today and watch the dial on your happiness meter continue to head north.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I adore Annett Davis and her family.  Annett blogs over at Fit Mom Fit Kids Club and truly practices what she preaches.  Keith and I love spending time with her family and have never failed to leave their presence inspired.  As a matter of fact, the picture above is of Annett and her family and they really do have that much energy!

During this 21-day series on becoming a Happier You, I knew I’d want someone great to write on the topic of building better relationships with your children.  Only, I couldn’t do it because Keith and I have not been able to have children and we will celebrate a decade of marriage next year.  As the doctors work their magic and try to get our reproductive systems working properly, I will simply enjoy the advice of other wonderful moms.  Of which, Annett is one of my absolute favorites.

I hope you enjoy today’s guest post and until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Today I’m thrilled and honored to share with the wonderful women of The Happy Wives Club! I’ve been a wife for 16 great years.  I’m a former pro beach volleyball player, and home schooling mother of two.  If you were to ask me what I’m most proud of in life, my answer would be hands down my family relationship.

When I think about our family I giggle inside sometimes. We are not the norm. I’d say we are pretty uncommon. With the rise of single moms, absentee dads, and divorces, we look a lot like the Huxtables. You know, the 80’s TV family who seemed to have it all together.  Mom and dad were happy, kids only got in trouble sometimes, but nothing too major. No matter what, before the end of the episode day, everything was worked out.

How do we do it? Well I polled my family and came up with 5 things we thought that help make our family relationship rock.

1.  Shut It Down: To be honest with you, this one is the one I struggle with the most. Being a virtual health & fitness coach I’m online a lot. Facebook, Twitter, answering emails, I try to get a lot done during our school breaks. When I’m with my kids I try hard to turn off the computer, and put away the phone to give them the attention they crave and deserve. I try to remember to have eye contact with them so that they see they are more important than my Macbook, iPhone, and iPad.

2. Lighten Up: Both of my kids love this about our family. We make sure we take the time to have fun. Whether it’s a movie night, or game night, we make sure we add family fun to our calendar. Even when we are driving around town we all tell jokes, play silly games, and take turns singing solos to our favorite songs.  Kids want to have fun (so do adults) don’t be a sour puss. Get down and dirty on their level, have fun and lighten up.  Your kids will LOVE it!

3. Listen Up:  It’s important to have quality time within the quantity time that you spend with your kids.  Be intentional about asking them questions.  Spending time at the dinner table as a family, and tucking your kids in at night are great times to listen to their hearts. Letting them know you are interested in them deepens your relationship.

4. Remember Nobody’s Perfect: Never try to pretend you have it all together. Great relationships stem from transparency.  Reveal your shortcomings, admit when you are wrong, and tell them you are sorry often. This builds trust, and shows you aren’t perfect, which allows your kids to be “real”, authentic, healthy imperfect people too.

5.  Help Each Other: Ask your kids for their help. They’ll feel needed, and a true part of the family.  This empowers them. Helps them grow. And, in turn you’ll realize how valuable they are as a part of the family unit.

Practice these things and your relationships will rock.  And you and your family will quickly become known as the happiest family on the block!

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“You must be present for every Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, school play, clarinet recital, and soccer game in our kids’ lives. I want you to love them and spoil them and teach them things that Kevin and I can’t. Like how to throw a right hook, for example.”  In the 2005 hit movie Monster-in-Law, Viola, a meddling future mother-in-law reluctantly receives these words from her soon to be daughter-in-law, Charlie.

After months of sabotaging the relationship between her son and his fiancée, Viola finally “wins” and Charlie agrees to call off the wedding. In the one touching scene of the movie, Viola comes to her senses and asks Charlie not to call off the wedding and destroy her son’s happiness.

If only every in-law would come to their senses in this regard.  But if you’re one of the many with a strained in-law relationship, you likely know it usually doesn’t happen like it does in Hollywood.  According to the University of Cambridge, 55 percent of daughters-in-law describe their relationships with their mothers-in-law as “strained” and “infuriating.” In the same study, mothers-in-law describe being in the company of their daughters-in-law as “tense” and “uneasy.”

Years ago, I came across a Southern Bride article where relationship expert, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, was presented with this question, “What do you do if you don’t get along with your mother-in-law to-be, and what is the best way to tell your significant other?”  Her answer forewent the niceties: “You do not tell your spouse that you don’t like the woman who gave birth to [him] and raised [him] to be the person you’ve chosen to marry.”

She continued, “The Commandment of honoring ‘Thy Father and Mother’ includes in-laws. They are not your equals and are to be given the respect they’ve earned. So, don’t argue with them. If you don’t agree with something they’ve said just let it go into the wind. Do not torture your spouse with your anger or hurt with their parent. It hurts them and the marriage.”

No matter how crazy your in-laws may seem, they are your spouse’s parents. Don’t force your husband to choose between you and the parents he loves. I know this might be difficult, especially if your in-laws are not the loving and accepting type, but this is necessary for your own sanity, growth and happiness (as well as your husband’s).

Think of it this way.  When you allow your in-laws to upset, frustrate or irritate you, in essence, you are turning your power over to them.  In that moment, you have given them the ability to adversely impact your day and your overall happiness.  Your decision to choose happiness at the beginning of every morning has now been overturned by the very people who oftentimes drive you bananas.

To increase your happiness in this relationship, it takes but two things: self-control and optimism.  Self-control is what allows you to gain the upper hand in the relationship by not allowing them to impact your joy or hurt your relationship with your husband.  The optimism helps you see the better person they still have time to become.  You and I have changed for the better over the years and so can they.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I love people.  Those from all walks of life bring happiness to my own.  But every now and again, I come across someone who makes it a little more difficult to love (or like for that matter).  But I do it anyway.  It’s not always easy.  As a matter of fact, sometimes is downright uncomfortable, but I know how much disliking a person can adversely impact my own life so I do my best to take the high road.

My mother used to say, “If you don’t want a person to get your goat, don’t tell them where it’s tied up.”  It’s a great quote, but for those like me who have no poker face whatsoever, it can prove to be more than a notion.  But here is something I have found that works.  

TOP 5 REASONS TO LOVE THE UNLOVABLE

1. It’s good for your health.  Getting upset or frustrated with a person -even if you hold it inside- impacts you more than it will ever affect them.  It is estimated that 98% of diseases come from or are exacerbated by stress.  Ninety-eight percent.  When you get frustrated with the customer service representative on the telephone who doesn’t seem interested in giving any…ahem…service, how long does it take you to cool after that exchange is over?  And how long do you think it took them to move on the moment the call ended?  The stress of getting worked up over a person simply isn’t worth it.  

2. You never know what’s going on in their life.  When my father was passing away, there were moments when I was all smiles and there were times when I was incredibly somber.  Those days were a bit of a roller coaster.  If you’d met me during one moment, you might have loved me.  If you’d crossed my path during another, you may have thought terrible things about me.  That person who cut you off on the freeway, you have no idea what might be going on in their life at that moment.  Yes, it’s frustrating and yes some people are simply inconsiderate, but some are just going through a tough time and it’s impossible for you to know which is which so it’s best to presume innocence.

3. God would have it no other way.  The golden rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is the crux of every major religion.  It may be worded differently than it is in my Christian faith, but it means the same.  Are you kind all the time?  Are you loving all the time?  Are you respectful and considerate all the time?  If you are like me and the answer is no, then the same grace God extends to us is the same grace we should extend to others.  After all, it would be quite tragic if God treated us with as little patience and grace as we sometimes treat others.

4. You needed someone to love you when you were unlovable.  I know we’d all like to believe we’re the kindest, most loving, friendliest person we know.  But just because we believe it doesn’t make it so.  I know there are times when I act entitled, impatient, disrespectful and overall unkind.  Thank God it’s not as often as it once was but I’m a constant work in progress.  We are all constant works in progress.  Think about that person or persons who were loving toward you when you know you were not a lovable person.  Now, duplicate that for all the difficult people you encounter along this road of life.

5. Being kind increases your own happiness.  This reason may sound selfish but it’s still one of my favorites.  When you get frustrated or are unkind to someone, what happens to you?  Neck gets tighter?  Shoulders tense up?  Jaw clinches a little tighter?  Do your inhales and exhales get a little shorter?  Any of this sounding familiar?  When you are kind to someone, regardless of how they treat you, your mood remains light and your day continues to be great.  You are in full control of your emotions and consequently, you are able to continue to choose happiness.  Because happiness is, after all, a powerful choice.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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What’s your neighbor’s name?  No, not that one, the one on the other side.  What about the one across the street, just a couple doors down?  How well do you know them?  How well do you desire to know them?  Believe it or not, these somewhat obscure creatures -otherwise known as neighbors- can add alot to your life.

When Keith and I first purchased our home, the neighbors came over and greeted us within a day.  The kids living in the home to our right baked us warm chocolate chip cookies and created a “Welcome to the Neighborhood” sign.  The neighbor to the left of our home actually went in our backyard to fix a pipe he noticed had burst due to an unusually cold winter we were experiencing in Southern California.  We’re city people and would have been clueless about what to do with a busted pipe in our barn spewing water.  Their kindness put a smile on my face that, to this day, has never disappeared.  

When you’re walking around the block, taking the trash out, playing with the kids in the yard, a smile not only brightens up your neighbor’s day (even if they don’t reciprocate  immediately), it will enhance your own.  Happiness, like laughter (and negativity or grumpiness), is contagious.  When you smile and genuinely greet your local grocery store clerk, it’s unlikely they’re going to serve you poorly.  It happens every now and again but it’s not the norm.  Same is the case at your local bank, restaurants, church or community center.

Your life is like a large mirror.  People will generally give back to you what they perceive you are giving to them.  Perception is not reality, except in the eyes and thoughts of the beholder.  But to them, it’s real.  I’m not suggesting you employ a “fake it til’ you make it” behavior modification but rather that you dig deep inside and find that person who loves people, the childlike version of you who wants to be kind to everyone.  You’ll be surprised at how those in your community -church, neighbors, city, etc- will respond to you once you begin giving the type of love and respect you’d like to gain in return.  You’ll quickly become known around town and for all the right reasons.

Boosting the happiness of those around you is beneficial, not only for you, but your entire family.  Giving people in your immediate sphere of influence a reason to smile or laugh will brighten up your day, your children’s day and your husband’s day.  But the way to do this may be one of the toughest things to achive.  It’ll require that you…slow down.

In our current lives -bombarded by emails, cell phone calls, text messages, social media, nonstop commercials, smart phones that double as 6,000-mile leashes- it’s difficult to slow down.  We’re moving at a pace that would likely scare our ancestors to death (if they weren’t…ahem…already dead).  

Slowing down is easier said than done.  I know this first hand and it’s still one of my greatest challenges.  But I also know, when I slow down, I’m friendlier, more patient, a greater administer of grace and am simply a kinder, gentler person.  And this is prerequisite for being a reflector of light to all those around us.  

Just as a city on a hill cannot be hidden, neither can the happiness inside of you when you slow down and take the time to simply smile and say, “hello.”  You’ll make those around you happier, and in doing so, you will see your happiness meter rise at least a few notches.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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“No one can take away your pain so don’t let anyone take away your happiness.”  This unknown quote was the first thing I thought of when considering this topic on building relationships with coworkers.  Yesterday, we wrapped up the first week of this 21-day series and are now shifting from focusing on the relationships with ourselves to boosting our happiness by improving the relationships around us.  

Over the years, I can recall many challenging coworkers and have employed a number of individuals with incredibly complex personalities.  Building better relationships with our coworkers can be tough.  But those relationship are needed because if you work full-time, you’re likely spending more waking hours with your coworkers than with your own family.

As a new GM of a hotel, I remember having some difficult times in the beginning.  I wanted to be able to say, “My way or the high way,” but unfortunately (or rather, fortunately), that only works in the movies.  The frustration I was experiencing with various personalities would come home from work with me and become a large topic around the dinner table each night.

One day, I decided to change my outlook.  Rather than inserting my will, I’d pull back and get to know each member of the staff and how I could better serve them.  I began  asking about their families and got to know what was most important to each one of them.  If someone came in my office, rather than telling them how busy I was, I paused.  I posted a note over my desk that said “POP: People Over Paperwork.”  This note was my daily reminder that in order to be an effective boss and to enjoy my time at work each day, I needed to create better relationships with each of my colleagues.

Those in the workplace can truly be a happiness suck if you allow them.  They can drain you of your optimism and love for life.  You’ll likely find (if you haven’t already found) yourself spending much too much time talking about the people who should have the least amount of influence over the happiness in your life.  

We need those around us.  Our family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, community, church family, etcetera.  None of us live on an island and whether we want to admit it or not, all of these people matter.  Making a decision to build great relationships with your coworkers is imperative to your overall happiness.  And more importantly, it’ll help reduce your stress triggers at work which will also improve your health.  

Look for the good in each of your coworkers.  Discover what things you have in common.  It could be something as ostensibly simple as a coffee latte or frozen yogurt. You will be surprised at how much you have in common with every person around you.  Maybe it’s your faith, your love of family, the hobby you’re passionate about.  Whatever it is, take the time to find a commonality and invest in those relationship.

If your experience is anything like mine, you’ll find your happiness throughout your workday improving immediately.  Don’t settle for only being happy at home.  Set yourself up daily to enjoy every moment of every day.  Even at work.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I’ve been waiting all week to write on this particular topic.  I can’t think of a better way to wrap up our first week on this series than with encouraging you to develop your greatest passions.  As I mentioned when we began this 21-day series, there are only 3 things that create (or diminish) happiness in our lives.  The first is the relationship we have with ourselves.  This past week has been dedicated solely to various aspects of this very personal relationship.

As I spent the summer traveling the world, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, I discovered 12 common denominators between each of the couples.  One of which was the need for every person in a happy relationship to have a passion or hobby of their own.  There was something about developing a love and passion for a craft they could improve upon each day that increased the richness of their lives.

For one wife in South Africa, walking along the beach or going for a hike each morning ensured she began the day as happy as she could possibly be and it continued throughout her day.  Maintaining a healthy lifestyle was one of her passions.  She and her husband had a huge hobby they were working on which was building a kit plane they shipped in from Chicago.  

A wife in Australia enjoyed pottery and even took classes at the local art college to better hone her skill.  One wife I interviewed in San Diego enjoyed writing and she and her husband loved travelling so she combined those two passions and became a travel writer.  Something that started as a simple passion later turned into a successful career for her.  Photography, sewing, knitting, writing, painting, running marathons, coordinating charity events, it didn’t matter what the hobby was, only that they developed and nurtured their passion for it.

What is it you love to do most?  If it’s not what you do for a living, chances are you don’t focus on it much.  You allow other things to consume your day and look at that hobby as something that just takes time away from what is most important.  If the interviews I’ve had with countless couples around the world is any indication, enjoying a hobby is a critical component to overall happiness. 

If you don’t have a hobby and can’t think of one you might enjoy, think back to your time as a child.  What did you love doing most?  What came most naturally to you?  Whatever it was, is likely what it still is and that passion should be developed.  For me, what came most natural to me when I was growing up was writing.  Developing that passion over the past couple years has yielded greater dividends than I could have every anticipated.  Because of this, I can say with all certainty, this aspect of life can be one of your greatest rewards, if you’ll simply carve out the time to pursue it.  You won’t regret you did.

Tomorrow, our series shifts away from focusing on our relationship with ourselves and on to zeroing in on improving our relationship with those around us.  From our coworkers to our spouse and children to our enemies.  Everyone has a place in our lives and each plays an active role on our overall happiness.  This week will be focused on how you maintain control of your own happiness in each of those relationships.

Until tomorrow…make it a great week!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.