This week’s link up post is written by one of my favorite happy wives, Susan Merrill.  She’s a contributor for this site and a pretty awesome chick, inside and out.  Enjoy!

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In the beginning there is passion. Most relationships begin with passion. Passion can be defined as a strong sexual desire but it is also defined as intense emotion or enthusiasm. You can have intense emotion or enthusiasm for a lot of things but the majority of us would like to be most passionate about our husbands, our children, and our family.

We want to be passionate but here is the problem—passion can be drained. I believe that every woman starts with great passion for her husband and her children. Passion fills our mind with visions of the loving family we desire. But as time goes on we can get distracted from our passion; stuff just happens in life—work, children, illness, financial stress—and our passion springs a leak.

But it is in there somewhere.

So how do we find it?  What can we do to ignite and refuel the passion we have lost?

For me, the motivation to stay passionate starts in my faulty heart—ironically, the symbolic dwelling place for passion and love. My heart has failed me on several occasions. At one point it stopped completely and at the age of seventeen I had a cardiac arrest. I was exposed to eternity for just a breath of time, but everything that I loved had time to flash through my mind. God and the people I love: that is all I saw.

When your heart stops, your mind will freeze where your heart left off—with those you love. I don’t really believe you can “love” stuff—houses, careers, money. You may desire it. You may think you love it, but that is your eye trying to trick your heart. When your heart stops, your eyes will close, and what you really love will be as clear as day. That is your real passion.

If your heart stopped what would flash before your eyes?

I hope your answer included your husband. Your husband should come before any other life on earth, even ahead of children. Make him the passion that he should be in this life, or would be if you knew this life was soon to end. Think of him with passion; cling to him with passion; love him passionately.

Susan Merrill
–Author of The Passionate Mom
–Director of iMOM.com
–Blogger at SusanMe.com
–Wife to Mark Merrill
–Mother of five

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Have you had a chance to explore the new Happy Wives Club site since we unveiled its new design last month?    If not, please allow me to give you a quick tour around our new digs.  We designed this site with you, our members and visitors, in mind and hope it continues to serve up daily encouragement for your marriage.

For the past three years, you have been asking us to add comments to the blog posts.  Oh, how I wish it were that easy!  The platform this site was originally built on had a pretty horrendous commenting system which rendered it quite pointless for its intended purpose.  But now that we have our very own server and are using WordPress, you can now post comments – woohoo!!

Although adding an ability to communicate through comments on each of the pages is pretty cool, it’s not nearly as awesome as my favorite new feature.  Did you know we now have more than 30 writers contributing to this site?  That’s right.  For the new Happy Wives Club, I enlisted some of my favorite online writers to deliver fresh content daily.

If you haven’t explored the contributor sections of the site, FOOD, HEALTH & FITNESS, TRAVEL, and DATE NIGHTS, you don’t know what you’re missing!  Just click on any of the links on the top right of this page to discover more.

In the Health & Fitness section, U.S. Olympian Annett Davis is helping us keep our New Year’s resolution of getting and staying in shape.  In the Food section, some of the best food bloggers on the web have joined us to deliver tasty recipes for you and your family.

The Travel section will take you around the world and back, all from the very seat you’re sitting in right now.  Read about the wonderful excursions of these bloggers and then plan your own trips.  

Last, but certainly not least, in the Date Nights section you’ll find creative ideas for some alone time with your spouse.  From cheap date nights at home to elaborate date nights on the town, you can find plenty of ideas that will fit within your budget.

Happy Wives Club is a place where you can come daily, not just to be encouraged in your marriage but also to be given tools to take your union from good to great and from great to extraordinary.  We will continue to make changes to this site to better serve you and, as always, encourage your feedback.  After all, this site was created specifically for you.

Until Monday…make it a great day!

**SUBSCRIBERS: You may have received this post twice (it’s our fault, not Google’s ).**

Have you ever wondered why some couples argue nonstop and others very rarely?  Over the years, this curiosity has caused me to pay a great deal of attention to couples on both ends of the spectrum.  And there seems to be a commonality among those who have mastered the art of easing into a discussion rather than crashing into an argument.

The first thing is they do is pay close attention to their spouse and any mood changes they might be having.  “Could this change in their attitude or mood be something caused by me?” is a question they ask themselves.  And if they can’t pinpoint something they may have done to frustrate or disappoint their spouse, they will simply ask that question and then listen.

This is exactly what happened to me earlier today.  I noticed Keith responded to something positive I shared with him in a less than enthusiastic manner.  So the first thing I did was ask myself the above question.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it so I simply posed the question to him.  

As it turns out, a response I’d given him in a discussion earlier in the morning disappointed him.  And by asking the question, we were able to naturally segue-way back to our conversation from the morning and, this time, to end with a resolution that worked for the hubby much better.

The second thing I’ve noticed with couples who have conflict resolution down packed, is many of them have a cue.  When out in public, they have a private cue between one another that lets the other know if they’ve said something (unintentionally) that may have bothered the other or hurt their feelings.  

This cue is something that would have been helpful last night when I did something while at a dinner with friends that bothered Keith a bit.  I didn’t catch his “hinting” at it which in turn became our discussion this morning.

It was then that I realized we’d not put into place something I’ve seen couples successful in conflict resolution institute.  So immediately, we came up with a cue either of us could give to the other that would keep us from seeming as though we are attempting to control or correct the other, but would also allow us to course correct in the midst of a conversation when others are around.

We’ll celebrate 10 beautiful years together in just a few weeks and yet instituting something like this is new to us.  Just goes to show, it’s never too late to continue learning the little things that allow you to take your marriage from great to extraordinary.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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How often do you refresh your marriage?  By refresh, I mean a conscious decision to check in with your spouse about your marriage and then initiate a rebooting or cache-clearing of sorts (just as you might your computer).

There are so many similarities I’ve found among the happily married couples I’ve interviewed over the years and one of my favorites is their consistency in beginning each day anew.  They do not take for granted that the love they shared yesterday will be enough to carry them through today.  Grateful for their spouse and all they do, and sharing that with them on a daily basis, seems to be a staple in happy households.

On the flip side, one of the greatest similarities I’ve seen among unhappy couples is forgetting that -just like a computer- a marriage must be refreshed regularly to perform optimally.  Now, I realize It might seem a bit odd to compare marriage to a computer, but between my internet start-up company and the Happy Wives Club I’m on my computer more than 85 hours per week, so I spend more time online than I do off.

So what does a rebooting or refreshing look like offline?  Early each morning, Keith and I carve out about an hour to sit with one another and enjoy a cup of coffee (him) and tea (me) to talk about anything that comes to mind.  During this daily engagement, we check in with one another and ensure we are supporting each other in the best way possible.  

As you can imagine, it is often difficult to set this time aside but we have experienced its positive impact in our marriage so we’ve learned the importance of making the time.  It serves as our daily “refresh.”  Then once a week, we shut down all our business dealings for our day of rest.  It is on this day weekly that we do a full reboot. 

If there was anything we were disappointed with (either in one another or in separate aspect of our lives) that we had not shared earlier in the week, we make sure to share it on this day.  If we need greater support in the upcoming week (or felt as though we didn’t get the amount of support we needed in the previous week), this is the time to talk about it.  

The ups, the downs, the good and the not-so-great -every week, like clockwork- we share it with one another.  We bottle nothing inside or sweep anything under the rug.  And we’ve found one of the best times to have challenging conversations is during this period of renewal.  We exhibit a greater amount of patience and more quickly find ourselves on the same page when our discussion is not rushed. 

So go ahead, try refreshing your marriage daily and rebooting it weekly for a nice boost to your marital relationship.  

QUESTION: So tell us, what do you do to refresh your marriage? (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click the Comments button)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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This past Monday didn’t just represent the start of a new week for me but rather the beginning of a new life.  When I wrote Monday’s post about the need for women to give ourselves permission to have ‘Me’ time, I didn’t realize just how much it would impact the days that followed.

Over the weekend, I noticed during a dinner with friends on Saturday and lunch with family on Sunday that my husband and I spoke an awful lot about how busy this season of our life has been.  The hectic, breakneck pace of our lives have been overwhelming, we told them.  We never seem to have enough time in the day, we bemoaned.  

There is no doubt this has been a rough few months.  And it’s undoubtedly been one of the busiest seasons of our lives.  But -and it’s a huge but- I realized this weekend that we are a part of the problem.  

Our words breathe life.  God made it that way and no matter how hard we attempt to change that, it is what it is.  Life and death are in the power of the tongue.  And we were speaking fatigue into our lives.

What if our crazy, wacky, make-you-want-to-bury-your-head-in-the-sand kind of busyness was a result of us talking about how busy we are all the time?  And what if verbalizing this single phrase, “There’s not enough time in the day,” was the very reason our days were falling short of the necessary waking hours.

Is it possible the reason there never seemed to be enough minutes in the day to complete our tasks was because we were making that so?  There are 1,440 minutes in a day and I hadn’t been able to carve out 20 minutes a day to check in on friends and family (a goal I set a month ago).  Really?  What’s wrong with that picture?  Everything.

So on Monday I proposed something to Keith, “Let’s not mention one time for the next two weeks how busy we are.  Let’s only say, ‘I have enough time in my day to complete the tasks that are important for that day.’”  Keith is one of the people who taught me about the power of words so the moment I mentioned this, he realized the importance of us making this change…immediately.

Life changing.  Schedule altering.  This week, I’ve taken time to sip tea each morning and read a little of Rick Warren’s, “What on Earth Am I Here For?”  I’m feeling whole again.  Keith and I aren’t spending our mornings talking about our hectic schedules.  Instead we’re spending them looking at the boats that sail past our window and speaking words of affirmation into each other’s lives.  We’re enjoying more time together and learning how to be okay with the undone.

 And I must tell you, it’s been a wonderful week.

Question: What is a great lesson you’ve learned recently that is helping you better prioritize your life?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN US: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for?  Join the club!  It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Have you ever thought, “Gosh, I just need a little ‘me’ time,” and then felt bad about feeling that way?  I wonder if that’s a natural thing for women to feel.  Whenever I think about wanting more ‘me’ time, I immediately begin thinking about all the things on my to-do list that are still incomplete and the thought of ‘me’ time disappears like a vapor; as quickly as it came to mind.

But we need me time.  I’ve never met a woman who didn’t need it.  I most certainly do. So how do I schedule a bit more personal time without feeling bad about it?

Last night, Keith and I were having dinner with two other couples.  One of the wives -a type-A woman like me- said something that really struck home.  ”Sometimes we have to learn to be okay with the undone.”  She went on to describe what she called the “haunting of the undone.”

Every time I look at my to-do list and see all the items not finished, something deep inside of me just cringes.  ”When will I ever get to the bottom of this list?!” I think.  But maybe the point is we don’t have to complete everything.  Maybe it’s just a list that continues on for the rest of my life and I have to be okay with allowing some of the items on there to go undone for the day and trust I will get to them soon.

When my to-do list takes precedence over time with my family, that’s a problem.  And when setting aside a bit of me time causes me to feel guilty, that’s when I know, it’s time.  It’s time for me to set down my lists, not worry about checking off a single item, and just check in with myself.  

Am I giving myself the amount of downtime I need to be the woman, wife, friend, sister, and daughter I most long to be?  Asking myself that question at this moment, I know the answer is no.  But I also know I can pause right now and come back in thirty minutes and change that answer to yes. I just need to decide to do it.

I need to give myself permission to love on myself.  I need to learn to be okay with getting to the end of the day and only having half of the items on my list checked off.  I will get to them tomorrow.  They aren’t a matter of life and death.  They can wait.  But what cannot wait is my innate need to feel whole, to feel complete and to feel loved.  If I’m rushing to and from, living my life by a list, none of those things will happen.

So today, I give myself permission to schedule a little ‘me’ time.  Which will undoubtedly lead to a better ‘us’ time with my husband because he will have all of me (not just the bit that’s not thinking about my list).  My home is meant to be my still point in a turning world and it’s time I fully embrace that.  The world…can…wait.  

Question: When was the last time you set aside a little ‘me’ time?  How did it feel?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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JOIN US: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for?  Join the club!  It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Have you ever wondered if it’s possible for women in Hollywood, successful authors, ultra-successful businesswomen, etcetera, to also be happily married?  I certainly have.  I’m fairly certain I know the answer but I’d still love to find out.

Most often, when I interview happily married women and write about their lessons (aka secrets of their successful marriage) here, they are women you’ve never heard about.  Not because they aren’t successful in their own field of business or in maintaining their home, but mainly because it’s a large world out there with over 6 billion people.  

Chances are, the only people we all know (or at least feel as though we know), are the ones plastered on magazines everywhere we turn.  This got me to thinking.  Maybe it’s possible for us to shrink our world just a little bit.  

We’re a fabulous community of more than 100,000 members worldwide and I’d like to introduce you to some of the women you may have already seen on television or in the movies, but who are -more importantly- happily married with wonderful families.  

I reached out to a few yesterday by Twitter: actress Candace Cameron Bure, actress Meagan Good, reality television starlet Khloe Kardashian Odom, author Amy Tan, author Elizabeth Gilbert and author Gretchen Rubin.  And now, it’s your turn to tell me which ones you’d like to hear from.

Which actress on your favorite television show or movie is married (in real life)?  What author have you read about who seems to have an amazing family life?  Tell me and I’ll seek out an interview with them.  Yes, we know, everything that glitters isn’t always gold.  But every now and then, what glitters is actually gold so let’s interview them and find out.  

Some may say no, a few might say “I’m too busy,” but something tells me we’ll get alot more “yeses” than anything else.  So let’s go for it!

What I love about asking you this question is when I first began this Club, I interviewed women happily married 25 years or more and asked for their secrets to a great marriage.  I’ll be reviving that as a part of this series and posting their interviews, as well.  

So here’s one more question for you.  Would you prefer to watch the interviews (meaning, an interview via Skype), hear the interviews in a podcast format or read about them here?  Enter your answers in the comments section below and we’ll announce who will be our first interview shortly.  Excited!

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Chocolate.  Pork.  Soybean products (including, but not limited to, soy milk, vegetable oil, margarine, tofu, shortening).  All gone.

It’s moments like these I’m reminded why I love being married to my best friend.

Yesterday, I had my long awaited appointment with an allergist.  During my travels around the globe, in search of the secrets to a happy marriage, I came away with many great secrets and one huge frustration.  Pimples.  Lots and lots of pimples.  

Months after returning to the States, the pimples simply would not go away.  Finally, I decided to go to the dermatologist for the first time in my life.  He recommended I see a nearby allergist.

Have you ever been to an allergist?  I went for the first time yesterday and let me tell you, it’s quite the experience!  The nurse numbered my left and right forearms, 1-through-20 on each side.  Then she proceeded to prick me with a small needle next to each number.  After waiting twenty minutes for results, I thought I was in the clear.  None of the places where she pricked became inflamed.

Then came the second round.  An entire tray of needles -much longer than the first round- were required to determine what food allergies I might have.

Alas, this time three of the areas where she gave me shots became inflamed.  And then the doctor came in to give the results.  No more chocolate (are you kidding me?), pork, or soybean products.  Have I ever told you I’m lactose intolerant?  Yep, just add that to the list of things I can’t have.  ”So what do I put in my drink at Starbucks?” I asked.  ”I suggest you carry around small cartons of rice milk in your purse.”  Sigh…

Before I even left the doctor’s office, I called Keith, “Honey, you will never believe what happened!”  After reading off to him the list the doctor gave me of all the things I should no longer eat (the soybean product list is pretty long), he paused and joked, “Well, at least I’m not allergic to wheat!  Then we’d never be able to eat together.”  Laughter ensued.

Learning at the age of 36 that you have to cut out more than two-thirds of the things you eat on a daily basis (including the non-dairy creamer I put in my coffee): difficult.  Having a husband who makes you laugh so hard about it you forget the diagnosis: priceless.

QUESTION: Have you experienced a time when you received bad news (even something as trivial as food allergies) and had your spirits picked up immediately with just one quick phone call to your husband?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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When people meet me at events, they usually assume I’m an extrovert.  This has been a process.  When Keith and I first met, we’d attend events together (because of both of our jobs, we were required to attend quite a few), he’d start mingling and I’d find a corner in the room and hop on my Blackberry.  I wasn’t trying to be unsocial or unkind; I was just doing what came natural.

I’m an introvert by nature.  Meaning, I am refreshed and energized by being alone.  Downtime, quiet time and alone time are necessities in the life of an introvert.  The downside with being an introvert is it is often misinterpreted at events and parties for being aloof or arrogant.  I love people and never wanted people to confuse my discomfort at large events with not wanting to be around them.  So I’ve worked on that. 

Over the past ten years, since Keith (who is also an introvert, by the way) and I have been together, I’ve learned to be a gregarious introvert.  Meaning, I put my natural introversion on the back burner at events and mirror the strengths of an extrovert.  This learning has fixed one problem (people no longer get the false impression that I’m arrogant or aloof) but created another.  By the time I leave a dinner or cocktail party, I am absolutely exhausted.  It sucks the life right out of me.

There is, however, one type of party that gives me complete energy!  And that’s our weekly link up party.  Married bloggers from around the globe join us here to share their favorite posts from their own sites.  What I love most about our link up parties is I learn so much from and about all those who link up.  

Until now, our link up has been every Thursday.  But with the launch of the new Happy Wives Club site, we wanted to shake it up a bit and invite more to join us (including you) so we moved the day and changed the name.  So welcome to our very first Marriage Mondays.  I invite you to join the blog hopping party with me by clicking on the links below that look interesting to you.  Whether an introvert or extrovert, this kind of party is for everyone so enjoy!

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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