Author Archives: Christine St. Vil

About Christine St. Vil

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities. Sign up at MomsNCharge.com for her FREE audio: 8 Ways to Get Your FLY Back - The Super Simple Guide for Busy Moms to FLY (First Love Yourself).

8 Crucial Things I Would Tell My Younger Self About Marriage

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If I could go back and tell my younger self a handful of things about marriage, what would they be? Now, that I’ve been married for over a decade, what would I do differently?

These are questions I asked myself after reading this wonderful post from HWC contributor and author, Christine St. Vil.

I paused for a second to think of the answer, the first one that comes to mind is something Christine previously shared was the best marriage advice she’d received: Begin with the end in mind.

What would you tell your younger self about marriage, if going back in time were possible?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

___________

My husband and I have been together for a pretty long time (together for sixteen and married for more than nine). Although we are extremely blessed to be living in a happy marriage, I often reminisce on earlier days by taking a trip down memory lane.

As I sat down to think about the lessons I learned as I grew up in my own marriage, I thought about all of the advice I’ve learned along the way, ones that if it were possible, I’d go back and pass on to my younger self.

8 Crucial Things I Would Tell My Younger Self About Marriage

1. Marriage is not a magic wand. Marriage will not solve any unresolved issues you had prior to getting married. Those little things that get on your nerves before marriage that you never say anything about, will only escalate. They don’t magically disappear. So start expressing yourself openly and honestly, but most importantly, lovingly. Whatever issues you have, they can be resolved with love and communication, so use those simultaneously.

2. All marriages were not created equal. It is not a one-size fits all kinda deal. Take marriage advice from those who are wiser and more experienced (and especially those who are happy). But don’t try to mirror everything you see, exactly as you see it. Take the great advice and examples, and adjust them to fit your unique marriage.

3. Your selfish days are over (or at least, they ought to be). The “Team of Me” will not last in marriage. Marriage is give and take and if you only focus on taking, you will put your marriage in a bad situation. Stop being spoiled, and learn to suck it up and move on, especially when you know you’re in the wrong.

4. Having kids changes things. Before you have kids, you can come and go as you please and not think twice about it. You can frequent your favorite carry-out and sleep in until your heart’s content. Having kids after marriage is the most rewarding blessing. But just be prepared that things will change…for the better. Kids make you grow up a bit and put your big girl panties on. Suddenly, you no longer care about how long you used to sleep or hang out before kids.

5. Focus on the things that matter. Nine years later and I (almost) don’t care that the bottom tier of my wedding cake was dropped and that it wasn’t the four-tier cake I had dreamed of (and paid for). I also (almost) don’t care that we had to stage our wedding day six months after the fact in order to capture all of the photos we failed to capture on the actual wedding day. In hindsight, I got to wear my dress and cathedral length veil twice in less than a year, when most never wear these two items more than once.

6. Learn to talk to your husband not at him. You’ll get so much further in conversations and discussions when you figure this one thing out. Although some behaviors may mimic that of a child at times, he is not your child nor should he be spoken to as such. Humility and respect go a long way.

7. You can’t tell your girlfriends everything. It’s your job to protect your husband’s character. So be careful about the details you share with even your closest girlfriends. Your number one commitment and honor should always be to your spouse.

8. Marriage will change you. And that’s okay. No, you can’t hang out all night with your girlfriends regularly, or have drunken sleepovers (okay sometimes it’s necessary just not all the time). You may find yourself gaining new friends, new married friends that can understand your and speak your new language.

YOUR TURN: What marriage lessons would you tell your younger self? Share your thoughts on our Facebook community page with over 1,000,000 members just like you.

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book line none other. Guaranteed.

21-Day Valentine’s Challenge: Extending the Romance Beyond Today

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Twelve years ago, Keith and I celebrated what was likely our last Valentine’s Day. For weeks, I knew he had something big in the works and I was over the moon excited.

You see, in grade school, I was the awkward-looking girl who never got one of those neat candy grams with the red heart suckers and “will you be mine” notes. So my entire life, I wanted to experience a beautiful Valentine’s Day.

So for our first Valentine’s Day as husband and wife, Keith meticulously planned the most amazing day I could possibly imagine. It culminated with dinner in the city where he proposed, San Francisco.

At the end of our culinary delight, the waiter brought over the check. As Keith was signing it, I caught a glance from across the table and let out an audible gasp.

It was at that moment I decided I never wanted him to feel pressured to create the perfect Valentine’s Day again.

That’s why I love this post by HWC contributor, Christine St. Vil. It takes this day that celebrates love and romance and extends it so there isn’t a pressure to do it all in one day.

So if you’re looking for a fun idea to continue the romance well beyond today, take this 21-day Valentine’s challenge.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

___________

I still remember the very first Valentine’s Day that my husband (then boyfriend) and I spent together nearly 17 years ago. He surprised me by cooking a steak dinner at home (and he by no means enjoyed cooking), and actually spent time going clothes shopping for me (he still doesn’t care to shop at all). The night was complete with chocolate, a teddy bear and lavender roses (my favorite).

All these years later, while I love spending time together and celebrating Valentine’s Day, it has nothing to do with the actual day. I see it as a day to celebrate the love of my life and all the joy he’s brought me many years later (and of course, I love flowers!). Yes, Valentine’s Day is sweet, but every day is Valentine’s Day in our house. So I thought it’d be great to start a marriage love challenge to emphasize that our love goes way beyond one day of the 365 in the year.

21 Day Romance Challenge

Week 1

Day 1 – February 14^th: Leave a love note. Surprise your hubby and write him a short love note about why you appreciate him. Stick it in his lunch bag, on the seat of his car, in his jacket pocket, or anywhere else he’ll be surprised to find it.

Day 2 – February 15^th: Hug and hug again. A good hug can be a powerful unspoken word. Take time today to snuggle up and cuddle with your man.

Day 3 – February 16^th: Ask him what he needs. When was the last time you offered your hubby some help before he asked you for it? Ask him what would make his day today and then be sure to help him make it happen.

Day 4 – February 17^th: Thank him. Is there something your husband always does that comes as second nature? Maybe he’s the one who always cooks, or he always collects the trash, or makes sure you get some time in with your girlfriends. Whatever it is, be sure to thank him specifically for that thing.

Day 5 – February 18^th: Show your husband some love. But show him in the love language that he prefers. Have him take the quiz if you’re not sure. Understanding my husband’s love language was a huge eye opener for me.

Day 6 – February 19^th: Flirt. Remember how you used to tease and flirt with your man before you got married? Get back to your high school/college flirty girl kinda days. Ask him to choose your bra & panty set for the day, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, or touch him where/how you know he likes to be touched. The sky is the limit.

Day 7 – February 20^th: Kiss. The focus today is on kissing, so kiss like you did before you were married. Let’s see if you can get all 25 of these kisses in today.

Week 2

Day 8 – February 21^st: Ask for his opinion. Yes, your tastes may differ and you may not always like what he has to say about certain things. But take a few minutes to ask his guidance on an important decision or project you’re working on.

Day 9 – February 22^nd: Pray for him. Is there something you wish for your husband? Is there something he could do to improve your marriage? Do you wish he would go get his physical or tell you he loved you more? Today, don’t tell him (or in his opinion, nag him). Just put it in prayer.

Day 10 – February 23^rd: Slow dance. Get out your wedding song, and when he least expects it, turn it on and take him by the hand. Be in the moment and reminisce on the day you exchanged vows. Put it on and repeat if you have to.

Day 11 – February 24^th: His wish is your command. What is one hobby your husband enjoys that you don’t necessarily care for? Today, put your feelings aside and surprise him with his favorite hobby.

Day 12 – February 25^th: Cook his favorite dish. And if you don’t cook, take him to his favorite restaurant. But you get to decide what’s for dessert *wink*

Day 13 – February 26^th: Listen. No, really listen. Anytime your husband is speaking to you today, stop everything you’re doing and give him your undivided attention (yes that means stop tweeting, writing and checking Facebook messages).

Day 14 – February 27^th: Text him. Send him a sweet text or picture message several times throughout the day (especially if you’re away from each other).

Week 3

Day 15 – February 28^th: Laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine. Find opportunities throughout the day to spend time laughing with your husband.

Day 16 – March 1^st: Talk to him. Use this day to share with your spouse any new dreams you have, and ask him about his.

Day 17 – March 2^nd: Have you taken any boudoir pictures yet? If not, find a place to make an appointment to get them done today, then surprise him with a photo book full of your glamor shots.

Day 18 – March 3^rd: Give. Today, focus on giving. Whether it’s an actual gift (big or small) or service, Give him a massage, a head rub, a gadget or maybe even just you. *wink*

Day 19 – March 4^th: Workout together. Go to a gym or workout at home. Go for a walk or jog, or play a sport together. Get moving together and enjoy the cool down together too.

Day 20 – March 5^th: Plan a surprise date night. Is there a movie you’ve been wanting to watch or a new restaurant you’ve been wanting to check out? Make it happen tonight.

Day 21 – March 6^th: Compliment your spouse and shower him with words of praises. Let him know how much you admire him.

It doesn’t matter where you start in the challenge or how many times you go through each challenge. Just do it and enjoy the moments. And be sure to invite other happy wives to join in the challenge with you.

Will you be joining the challenge?

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8 Essential Keys to Being a Happy Wife

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Every now and again, I receive a guest post that makes me stand up and cheer. Maybe not literally, but while I’m reading it I begin saying to myself, “Yes, yes, yes!”

This post by, Christine St. Vil, is just that. It’s short…actually, quite a bit shorter than the usual, but oh so mighty!

She hits the nail on the head and punctuates it with advice from her parents who have been happily married for more 47 years.

Just three years from their golden anniversary…I’m definitely heeding their advice!

There are so many important ingredients in the recipe for a happy marriage, and the ingredients and spices you use in your recipe might be completely different than what I use in mine.

But what I love about posts like this is I’m reminded to stay focused on my own recipe and keep on perfecting it.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

________________

I can’t help but feel so excited to be a part of such an awesome community as HWC! It’s a place where bragging about my husband will never get old. Yes folks, happy wives really do exist (and I’m one of them)!

For many couples, we really do enjoy being married, and yes, we really are happy.

Here are 8 Essential Keys to Being a Happy Wife

1. A happy wife knows how to FLY (First Love Yourself). I know this is not the first time you’re hearing it, but it’s really important: you cannot be happy or love someone else in any relationship, if you are unhappy and unloving to yourself. It all starts from within.

2. A happy wife expresses love to her spouse. She shows her spouse love by having an attitude of gratitude. She tells him how much she appreciates even the smallest of contributions and support.

3. A happy wife respects her spouse. Regardless of differences of opinions, she never engages in name calling or disrespectful behavior towards her spouse.

4. A happy wife surrounds herself with other happy wives. And she’s not ashamed of distancing herself from unhappy or bitter wives. She knows she can lean on other happy wives for prayer and support.

5. A happy wife treats her marriage like a ministry. Regardless of your religious affiliation, marriage is a ministry. It’s designed for you to serve your spouse. When you focus on making your husband happy, he will naturally do the same for you.

6. A happy wife knows which battles are worth picking. Is it really worth the nagging that turns into fussing if you know he’s never going to remember to put the toilet seat down? Hanging on to the smaller idiosyncrasies can prohibit you from seeing that he did the dishes without asking, or took out the trash without the daily reminder.

7. A happy wife is okay admitting when she’s wrong. This was a tough one for me early on because I was one who really hated to be wrong and still do at times. But the difference now is that I can own up to my faults and I can admit when I’m wrong. Humility goes a long way. Learn to laugh at your own mistakes.

8. A happy wife knows when it’s time to let go. I interviewed my parents recently as they celebrated 47 years of marriage and this was one of their tips for reaching this milestone: They have the understanding that nobody is perfect, and they don’t expect each other to be. But nothing is more important than the sustainability of their union.

Are you a happy wife? What key would you add to this list?

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20 People You Should Fall In Love With

4 Ways Uncovering Your Purpose Benefits Your Marriage

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It’s been quite some time since I’ve had a guest contributor write on our home page. Sorry I’ve been hogging up all the space as of late.

Interestingly enough, this post by proud HWC member and author, Christine St. Vil, was written prior to me leaving on sabbatical in August and has been waiting to be read by you ever since.

When reading it, I was reminded of a conversation I had last week with organizers for an event I was asked to speak at next year with 550,000 women (yes, there really is a an event in the US that over 500,000 women attend annually).

Although they initially inquired about me speaking solely to those married or engaged), there were two things I told them I’d also love to share with the single women attending:

1) Don’t settle.

2) Go after your personal dreams before and after you say “I do.”

That message isn’t just for single women, however. It’s also for us. Keep reading and you’ll see what I mean.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

___________

Not long ago I was living the definition of insanity. You know, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?

In my instance the insanity was staying in my corporate job even though it was literally making me sick (anxiety, insomnia, high blood pressure, and having Braxton Hicks contractions early in my pregnancy). But in my mind, I thought that I needed to just stick it out…that things would eventually get better. Well, after three years on the job, they only continued to get worse.

Three years ago, I did the scariest thing I had ever done in my life. I walked away from my corporate job when I was almost seven months pregnant with our third child…no plan B, no emergency fund, nothing. After several months of agonizing over the decision (my husband was very supportive of me leaving), I realized that keeping my sanity and preserving the health of my unborn child was going to take a leap of faith.

While I thought I knew beforehand, at that particular moment I was clueless as to what it meant to find and walk in my purpose. Nor, did I think it had anything to do with my marriage. And it wasn’t until nearly a year after I left, that I realized God needed to get me away from all of the distractions in order for me to clearly see my purpose. Leaving my job was the only way I was able to shut out the noise in order to uncover my own purpose in life.

I’ve talked about the importance of being a happy wife and how it starts with you. But part of being a happy wife is understanding what makes you happy? Who is the happy, motivated and care-free person you used to be before you were married? (Or if you were never there, then that’s a whole other post for a different day.) How do you take time out to celebrate yourself? How do you take time out to spend on cultivating your goals and dreams?

What I learned was that not being fulfilled was a big factor in my lack of happiness. I wasn’t unhappy with my husband or in my marriage. But because I wasn’t happy in general, it began to manifest in my marriage. Looking back, I’m just glad I married a man with eternal patience and mercy.

In my new book, Whose Shoes Are You Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be, I talk about the importance of finding your God-given “shoes,” your purpose. Here are 4 ways uncovering your purpose benefits your marriage:

1. It allowed me to dream again. I didn’t really understand what it meant to “dream big” before I took that leap of faith three years ago. But now, I have daily conversations with my husband on what our dreams are for our future and our family. I fall in love again with my marriage on a daily basis.

2. It caused me to take better care of myself. In order to find my purpose, I had to get back to loving myself, which meant taking better care of myself. And in doing so, my husband and I take better care of each other. We spend more time on loving and less time on fussing. He sees the passion I have for what I do, and in turn, it ignites a fire in him.

3. It taught me how to say ‘No’. Just recently, I was given the opportunity to spend an evening with some amazing celebrities (all of whom I am a fan of) and get VIP access for backstage interviews. The only problem was it was a very last minute invite and it would’ve meant even more time away from the family evening that was already planned. Three years ago, I would’ve jumped at the chance and not given it a second thought. But I could tell that although he would never tell me not to go, my husband was happy that I said “thanks but no thanks”. When you understand your purpose, you understand that opportunities will always present themselves.

4. It helped me to look better. Uncovering my purpose allowed me to get back to taking care of my external presence. I don’t know about you, but when I look good, I feel good. Loving who I am on the outside is just as important as loving who I am on the inside. And of course, the starstruck gazes from my husband only magnifies the “feel good” feeling.

I figured out that I had to learn how to put myself back at the top of my list of priorities. Some may call it selfish but I call it self-love and self-care. You have to be comfortable and happy in your own shoes in order to be fully comfortable and happy in your marriage.

Now that I’ve finally found my shoes by uncovering my purpose, I know I’m a better and happier person. My husband supports me and my heart melts when he tells me how proud he is of me. He sees how happy I am which only makes him happier.

How has walking “in your own shoes” strengthened your marriage?

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The Best Marriage Advice I Got: Begin With The End in Mind

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Isn’t ironic how a marriage series, pulled together in a matter of a day by four different bloggers, could be so impactful?

Today, is the final day of this impromptu series. I keep referring to it as impromptu because I didn’t have any clue I would host it it until the first post by Maggie Reyes went live on Monday.

As soon as I hit “publish”, I thought, How amazing would be be if I could gather “best marriage advice” articles from four spectacular women and publish a new one each day through the end of the week?

That thought became action and all the women I reached out to responded with excitement.

I chose these four bloggers because I know they are all happily married and the best advice they’d received along the way was certainly being applied in their own marriages (even if they weren’t conscious of it).

What I didn’t anticipate was how different their answers would be which made it that much more enjoyable and inspiring. I’m so grateful I was fortunate enough to host this series. It truly has been one of my favorites.

Cheers! And enjoy this beautiful lesson shared by Christine St. Vil with MomsNCharge.com after interviewing her parents who have been married for more than 47 years.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

_____________

Like Paula in yesterday’s post, I have to admit that I too, had to really think about this question.

What was the best marriage advice I’d ever received?

I tried to think back to our wedding video and the sweet words of wisdom that were left by so many of our guests, but nothing was sticking out. I thought back to my bridal shower and the almost seven years we dated before we got married, but nothing was really coming to me.

I then tried to think of all of the interviews I’ve conducted with married couples in the last couple of years, but still nothing really jumped out at me.

But then, something kept coming to me.

It was the advice my parents shared in an interview I did with them last year when asking about how they got to year forty-seven in their marriage.

This is advice I always had in the back of my head, but I now define it more clearly: The only end goal you should have in marriage is to honor, love and cherish each other until the day you die. And the only way to do that is to understand that marriage was not designed for your own benefit. When you understand this, tensions that may arise, don’t last very long.

This “end goal” thought process has taken some time for me to fully understand and appreciate. My husband and I have been through several growth spurts, many impactful changes, and really learning how to communicate effectively.

When you take off the wedding dress, the fancy shoes, the make-up and the tiara, and all you have are your wedding vows to stand on and your spouse by your side, you realize that the only exit strategy in marriage is death. And I don’t know about you, but I want to be alive for a very long time.

I will gladly work through my obstacles and challenges in my marriage because I know that those moments are just that…moments. They don’t define our marriage. They only make our marriage stronger, and allow us to work more fluidly together as a unit.

Beginning with the end in mind means that we may not agree on an issue today or tomorrow. But we have a lifetime together to make it work. It means that there are days we’ll make each other really happy, and there will be days where we may not even want to talk to each other. It means that there will be days when we can’t keep our hands off of each other and days where we don’t even want to touch.

But there will be so many more days that we spend joking, laughing, cuddling, and hugging. Those are the days that we choose to focus on because those are the days that will allow us to focus with the end in mind.

Beginning with the end in mind means that we are working towards one goal…together. It means that we’re in this marriage journey together, as one unit. And as Kim Hall pointed out earlier in this series, there is a whole lot of strength when harnessing the power of two.

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5 Easy Ways to Sneak Date Night Into Your Marriage Regularly

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When you think of “date night,” does getting dressed up or spending alot of money come to mind?

Have you ever thought, “I just don’t have time for a date night?” If either of these thoughts describe you, this post by Christine St. Vil is for you!

Christine gives us four easy ways to sneak date night into our marriages regularly. And I hope she doesn’t mind but I’d like to add one more.

For the past eleven years, Keith and I have made it a priority to go on:

Starbucks Dates

We call them Starbucks dates but it’s sort of like calling all tissue Kleenex. It just means we go on a date to a coffee house.

Prior to becoming lactose intolerant, weekly Pinkberry dates were my absolute favorite (and on most weeks, we’d try to squeeze in a few of those after dinner).

Date nights don’t need to be expensive, time consuming or cause either of you any sort of stress. Simplicity is best because its purpose is connection. So if you are spending time alone -connecting- believe it or not, that is the most perfect kind of date.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

___________

One thing that I’ve come to realize since having kids is that alone time with my hubby is a precious commodity. And date night is something that we literally have to plan even if it means locking the bedroom door to let the kids know that “mommy and daddy are talking” (whatever that “talking” may be at that moment).

With us working opposite schedules (he works at night) and homeschooling the kids, we definitely have to be creative when it comes to spending time together. Up until recently, I viewed “date night” as something where we got a sitter, got dressed up and went out for a night out on the town. But seriously, we don’t always have time for all of that. So we are learning to be creative.

We’ll be celebrating nine years of marriage this year, and I know that in order to continue celebrating for decades to come, dating is an integral part of our marriage that we can’t afford to let fall by the wayside. It’s so easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and all of the demands. But when I really think about what’s important in life, when I think about what matters the most…it’s my family, and the unit of our marriage that holds it together.

The words, “Date night” just mean, are you taking time to truly connect with your spouse in an environment that fosters love and communication? Once I understood this, I let go of the “date night” expectations that I had allowed to take over. It’s taken the pressure off both ends to simply view date night as quality time. Regardless of if we plan to do something, or plan to do nothing, the time spent together is all that is needed in that moment.

Here are a few easy ways to sneak date night into your marriage regularly:

Appetizer Date

Time is of the essence, I know. So if carving out an extra hour a day leaves your palms sweating, then start out by taking baby steps. Try 15-20 minutes of time set aside that is non-negotiable (unless it’s life and death). Think about the most important client meeting you’ve ever had or would like to have: just like you wouldn’t miss that one, intimate time with your spouse shouldn’t be missed either.

Breakfast Date

I am by far not a morning person…at all (especially since I work late into the night). But since hubby gets home by 7am, and the kids don’t generally wake until closer to 9am, it’s the perfect time for us to connect without distractions and interruptions.

Lunch Date

If you have the ability to do so, try meeting your spouse for lunch. If it’s too far, then see if you can meet halfway. Since life can get even more hectic in the evenings, a lunch date might work out best. Lunch dates can work well if both spouses either work from home or are both home during the day…there’s always room for dessert.

After Dinner Date

If you have smaller kids, set aside a schedule to tag team with your spouse to get them fed, bathed and in the bed at a decent time so that you can take advantage of the quiet house afterwards. Use this time to catch up on the best part of your days, and any pressing matters that need to be addressed.

While it’s nice to connect at the same time every day, I’ve found that flexibility is also key. Depending on our schedules, we may have to do a combination of these dates during the week.

QUESTION: What about you? How do you define date night in your marriage?

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5 Important Ways Marriage Has Made Me Better

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When I first read this post by HWC contributor, Christine St. Vil, my first thought was, “If I had a dollar for every way marriage has made me a better person I’d be a very rich woman!”

For one, it has stretched me. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone. And in the process, made me a much kinder, less selfish, and far more patient and loving woman.

My husband is quick to point out that I was incredibly happy as a single woman. I had no problem walking into a restaurant and proudly saying, “Dinner for one, please.”

I did not get married because I thought marriage would make me happy nor did I believe I needed someone to complete me.

I got married because I’ve always believed marriage enhances your life. That although we could probably make it through this cold world by ourselves, why would we want to?

My husband has made me a better person in every possible sense of the word. A more loving and humble person. Would I have arrived at this place without marriage? Possibly. But I’m so grateful it wasn’t necessary.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

_________

I am still on a marriage high from the launch of the Happy Wives Club book, and all of the amazing blog posts submitted for the blog tour. I haven’t gotten through all of the posts, but the ones that I’ve read have been so inspiring.

I’ve literally been thinking about all of the reasons I’m a happy wife, and how blessed I am to have a happy marriage. It’s been so refreshing to be a part of this community and to see the amount of love there is in marriages all over the world. These are the stories we don’t see or hear enough of, but hopefully that will change soon.

It’s so easy to take for granted what you have because it’s so comfortable and you’re so used to having it. But I literally give thanks every day for my husband and my marriage. I know we make each other a better, and I couldn’t help but think of the different ways that marriage has indeed made me a better person.

5 Important Ways Marriage Has Made Me Better

1. I’m more giving. For as long as I can remember, my husband has always been the type of person to give the shirt off his back to anyone that needed it, without asking any questions. And although I love to help people and give to people as well, I used to always want to ask questions first. Witnessing the amount of humility my husband possesses has made me want to give more freely and openly.

2. I’ve learned to compromise. Growing up the sixth child out of seven, I got accustomed to fighting or arguing my way through situations. It was one way or another, and rarely anything in between. Marriage has taught me that we don’t always have to want the same thing but we should always be willing to give up something (even temporarily) so that the other can have.

3. I’m learning more patience. I talk about this all of the time because while I still have a little ways to go, I’ve come an even longer way in this regard. I used to be quick to jump to conclusions and quick to snap at anyone that I thought was challenging me. Through my husband’s actions and guidance, I’ve learned to listen first before opening my mouth. Marriage has allowed me to grow in patience, which in turn has strengthened not only my marriage, but other relationships as well.

4. I’ve learned to trust. When you go through different things in life and you’ve been burnt a time or two, naturally you treat everyone as if they are going to hurt you too. Marriage has opened me up to trusting in ways I was never able to in the past. It’s allowed me to truly understand what it means to trust completely.

5. I’ve learned to express myself. I am a first generation American, and grew up with very African parents deep rooted in culture. Talking back or forming an opinion that was against theirs was unheard of. Obviously, that’s all they knew as that was how they were raised.

Naturally, I always found it difficult to speak my mind and express my feelings, good or bad as I grew older. My husband is the one who made me feel safe and comfortable in sharing my feelings, which allows for more open and honest communication.

Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is amazing. Marriage has made me a better person in more ways than one.

QUESTION: What are some ways that marriage has changed you for the better?

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5 Reasons Why I Still Believe in Marriage

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When I think about marriage, and the impact you and this Club are having on changing the conversation surrounding it, my heart immediately jumps for joy.

Rarely does a day go by that I don’t receive an email or note from someone grateful for the encouragement this club provides by simply showing that happy marriages do, in fact, exist. And giving them hope theirs can be one of them.

Next Sunday, the New York Times® will print their weekly Best Sellers list and you’ll notice a familiar name somewhere around the top.

A week after releasing my first book, Happy Wives Club, my publisher received word that the book would debut at #3 on the New York Times Best Sellers list – only behind The Wolf of Wall Street and Lone Survivor. Around the same time, it was also named a USA Today® Best Seller.

How amazing is that? What astonishes me most is the realization that this book, as well as this club, could reach millions more around the world.

The possibility of a new conversation about marriage -one that puts a spotlight on the positive side of it- warms every corner of my heart and sends my soul into jubilation.

During the launch week of the book, 200 wonderful bloggers joined me in talking about love and marriage on their own blogs.

I wish you could read all the posts as so many of them were simply amazing. But my guess is you barely have time to fold your own socks let alone read a ton of blog posts. So I’ll do my best in the coming days to showcase several I think you’ll love.

Today’s post by Christine St. Vil’s is one of a few I’ve selected so far: 5 Reasons Why I Still Believe in Marriage. I’d love to hear your answer to the same question in the comments section below. Why do you still believe in marriage?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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If I actually listened to what statistics say about marriage, I’d be in big trouble. There are so many scary statistics out there like “In America, there is one divorce every 13 seconds. That’s 6,646 divorces per day, and 46,523 divorce per week“. And then (from the same source) there’s: “The average length of a marriage that ends in divorce is eight years”. Scary right?

Well, I’m choosing to throw all of that out of the window because despite what people are saying, despite what statistics say, I still believe in marriage.

I always talk about the importance of guarding your heart against any outside threat to your marriage, and this would include all of the depressing info that’s out there on divorce. As in anything in life that you want, it all starts with what you allow yourself to truly believe in your mind and heart.

It starts with what you feed to your soul. If you want a happy marriage, you can’t feed it negativity, hate, jealousy, or mistrust. If you want to have a long-lasting marriage, it starts with what you feed it.

So despite what reports and critics are saying I still believe it marriage.

5 Reasons Why I Still Believe in Marriage

I still believe in marriage because divorce is not an option.
“Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate” Mark 10:9. Before my husband and I got married, I always knew he was the one I wanted to grow old with. Marriage was never something that scared me.

I was never nervous on my wedding day, just excited to finally start living with the man I had fallen in love with six-and-a-half years prior. When we went through pre-marriage counseling, we focused on things we were going to do to ensure that we didn’t end up as a divorce statistic.
I still believe in marriage because I truly love having a husband.
Yes, it’s true that I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself. Yes it’s true that I don’t “need” a man. But I want a man, and I love having a husband. I love being taken care of. I love having someone to share my deepest insecurities with. I love having a husband because I love seeing the sunshine that he puts in our kids’ lives every day.

I love having a husband because with him by my side, I don’t feel like there’s anything I can’t do or accomplish. He’s my biggest supporter and encourager, and I wouldn’t want to live my life without him in it.
I still believe in marriage because my children are watching.
I truly believe that having children has strengthened our marriage in more ways than one. We learned right away that we had to be the example that we wanted our children to have of a happy and healthy marriage. I want my children to know that regardless of what they may see and hear as they get older, marriage is still real, and a good marriage is still possible.

Marriage has allowed my husband and I to grow in communication, love and support for one another. It’s strengthened our union so that we don’t just say we’re a team, but we truly are.

I still believe in marriage because there is nothing like it.
There is no other union as divine as the union created by marriage. I would marry my husband 1,000 times over if I could. Is everything peachy perfect? No, it never is. But I’ll choose imperfection in marriage any day. No matter what stress or overwhelm I’m going through, he’s there to hold me up and see me through.
I still believe in marriage simply because…I choose to.
Sites like Happy Wives Club and Black and Married with Kids breathe life and optimism into marriages all over the world. Sites like these, perfectly contradict what the statistics are saying and the negative messaging that certain reality shows are putting out there. The truth is, there is no real reason NOT to believe in marriage. It’s a choice. And the choice is yours.

Question: What are some of the reasons you still believe in marriage?

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

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About Christine St. Vil

8 Crucial Things I Would Tell My Younger Self About Marriage

21 Day Romance Challenge

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Here are 8 Essential Keys to Being a Happy Wife

5 Important Ways Marriage Has Made Me Better

5 Reasons Why I Still Believe in Marriage