Speaking Through a Filter

When Keith and I met, I had no filter. I’m not kidding. No filter at all. I’d always reasoned that being an honest person and open about how I felt was much better than “sugar coating” my words. I’m still not very good with sugar coating or wrapping my words up and tying them with a bow but I have learned the importance of speaking through a filter.

Each year, on December 31st, Keith and I go to a casual restaurant and review our goals for the previous year and to establish new ones for the upcoming year. This year, I wrote on my index card which contains all my goals, an acronym that has begun to govern every aspect of my life: NJLG. This acronym has changed the way I speak to people and often times stops me cold in my tracks.

NJLG: No Judgment. Love. Grace.

Every word. Every thought. I now run it through my NJLG filter. I ask myself, “Am I judging? Are the words being spoken in love? Am I administering grace?” I will be the first to say I fall flat on my face with this at times. I fail in a major way. I forget to pause and ask myself those three important questions before I part my lips. But then I quickly regroup and do my best to begin anew.

Similar to a water filter, your words filter needs to be replaced regularly to continue purifying. I must continuously remind myself to use this filter and when I forget, I must immediately place that filter back on my lips to ensure no additional words leave my mouth without first running through this filter. It’s not always easy, but as I’ve matured in life, I’ve learned it is absolutely necessary.

If there is one relationship in your life that deserves an NJLG filter, it’s the one with your husband. Do not judge; presume innocence. Speak in love. Administer grace with your words. If you can manage to remind yourself daily to place this filter over your lips, your marriage will grow and improve, and so will you.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 1 million women in over 110 countries around the world. She’s an investor in real estate, tech sector and lifestyle brands. When she’s not writing or working, she's happily doting over her husband of twelve years, Keith (and sometimes manages to do all three simultaneously).