Marriage & Politics: Will They Ever Mix Well?

If you’ve been here with us all week, my hope is you’ve gained at least one valuable takeaway to improve your marriage and have been encouraged to pursue a PhD in your Marriage with a Concentration in Husbandology. But we’re not finished with this week-long series, School of Marriage, just yet. We’ve completed our courses on Anatomy and Science (physical intimacy) and Language (his love language). But we still have Mathematics, Political Science and History to cover before this series concludes.

So let’s dive in today with Political Science.

It’s a politically charged year. Not just in the US where I live but in many places around the world. In our household, politics is always a part of the discussion because it’s what Keith does for a living. There is never a dull moment and never a day without politics.

We don’t always see eye-to-eye or agree on political positions. Before weighing in on a legislative bill before congress or the senate, he will read the full legislation – 80, 90, 100 pages long. Me? Before I met Keith, I’d pretty much do what most Americans do when it comes to politics: I’d get 99% of my information from sounds bites and newspaper headlines and then debate the issue like I knew the full range of implications. Now, that we’ve been married 8 years, that percentage has decreased to 75 (wink ).

Keith and I are not members of the same political party and many times our views differ greatly. In the last election, we voted on two opposite ends of the spectrum. But that’s simply politics. It doesn’t weigh into our marriage and we never allow politics to divide our home.

I remember attending a political fundraiser a few years ago and Arnold Schwarzenegger was the keynote speaker. He was governor of California at the time (still married to Maria…sigh…) and said when addressing their political differences, “I promised to love her in sickness and health. She’s a democrat. I consider that her sickness.” That comment cracks me up to this day. But in many households, politics is no laughing matter; it’s a dividing point.

If you are in one of those households, may I please give you one small piece of advice? Let it go. Your political position is not worth a divide or even strain in your home. You want to know why? Because political positions are fluid. They flip flop depending on the political climate.

Consider, for instance, most politician’s records when running for one office. Now, contrast it against their own record running for another office. If you took the time to compare both records, you’d likely see two vastly different viewpoints emerge. And both viewpoints are the candidate’s own.

When you see political issues, especially legislation, being talked about on TV, in the papers or online, you will rarely get the entire story. And the reason is simple, most popular on-air personalities don’t have the time to read a complete legislative bill so they do something not too dissimilar from the general public, they go off of sound bites.

Take for example the recent legislative bills that set the internet world on fire yesterday. Wikipedia in the US and other major sites staged “blackouts” and Google covered their home page with a huge black blob to oppose censorship. Members of this club I’ve never seen talk about political issues on Twitter or Facebook were on fire. Everyone had an opinion. A definite opinion.

The funny thing is I’d be willing to wager big money that no one I saw on Facebook or Twitter with a definite opinion on this bill actually read it. I sure didn’t. Who has time to read an 80-page document in one day? And although it’s not surprising that you nor I had the time to read it, what you might find surprising is neither did most of those reporting on it. Political pundits do it all the time.

These two bills aren’t the only pieces of legislation pundits take positions on without all the facts. That is generally the case with most legislation. But it’s not their fault. Most are given an hour or so before a show to get “read up” on all the issues they will be discussing. Someone highlights for them hot topics they’ll need to weigh in on and then the red light on top of the camera comes on indicating it’s time for them to start talking.

It’s all skewed. Rarely will you find a person reporting on an issue that’s taken the time to fully understand and consider both sides of an issue. And even when they do, how they report will depend on their own slanted views. Even those who claim to put “no spin” on their reporting…always have a spin. That’s what sells. That’s what gains viewers. It’s a slightly more subtle form of the “shock jock” style of reporting.

Here’s my point. Never get so invested in your political thoughts and opinions that you lose sight of the larger picture: your relationship. You may have one political opinion and your husband may have another. That’s perfectly fine and understandable. You were raised in two separate households, had two different upbringings and thus your views of the world and political system may be different. But who cares. Just enjoy each other.

Your marriage is greater than politics. Your happiness is more important than any legislative bill or agenda. And the love for your husband must supersede all else, including your political opinions. So the next time you think about engaging in a heated political discussion with your hubby, remember this post and say, “Thanks, Sweetheart, for your opinion. It differs slightly from mine but that doesn’t matter. I love you more than I care about my political views.” Celebrate your differences and keep it moving.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 1 million women in over 110 countries around the world. She’s an investor in real estate, tech sector and lifestyle brands. When she’s not writing or working, she's happily doting over her husband of twelve years, Keith (and sometimes manages to do all three simultaneously).