What is the Proper Role of a 21st Century Wife?

I am just not wired to stay at home. I would love to and I love the idea of it, but I know that I am not wired that way, and would probably just land up reading the whole time and not getting anything done. Being at work, however, I am productive, on top of things and I enjoy what I do. And hubby wouldn’t want me to be at home – he says work makes me interesting . And he is right – it probably does. Thank you. I do try to be a good Christian and a good wife and mother, but I hate being looked down on because being at work is better for me. And I know that God does understand that. My family is always my first priority, but working keeps me sane. Thank you so much for a wonderfully insightful post.

What a refreshing and lovely article. My husband and I find that I begin to go insane when I am home for a period of time. What was really refreshing about this article is that it shows the importance of making decisions as a unit. Some people in my life have tried to make me feel like a traitor to the feminist movement (and joke that my husband is not a ‘real’ man) because my husband and I make all decisions together. We are of the thinking that if a decision effects the other person, they ought to be apart of the decision making process. Even if does not, having the perspective of someone you love and respect, and vice versa we find is always helpful. To those out there who believe that I (and women/partners like me) are pushing the feminist movement back a few decades I say this, we are evolving the perception of what a partnership/marriage is. It is no longer the view of the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the stay at home wife and/or mother. It is also not the more modern idea that women rule the home and that men are our minions, I know quite a large number of women who hold this belief. To us our marriage is a partnership, we love each other unconditionally and want only to help each other fulfill their dreams.

Hi Fawn. I am a career-focused, financially independent woman with two Masters degrees who is
more importantly a super happy wife and Childfree by Choice (I am almost 40 and not changing my mind). My husband admires the heck out of my ability to provide for myself, and we enjoy sharing our work days with each other, as we are both project managers. We split all bills, gifts for family, and all household shopping right down the middle. I have my own bank account, and he has his own. We do not combine finances and we even file taxes separately at my request. My husband also works full-time but does 100% of the cooking and cleaning and most of the grocery and household shopping. When we have my sweet stepson with us, he does the parenting and I am a fun role model, but not the parent. That all said, he’s as strong of a man as any and can do anything around the house, with cars, etc . . . He truly is my Superman and I admire the heck out of him!

As for the “Biblical” role of women, someone forgot to tell us about that because we have been youth mentors and Sunday School teachers at our church for almost two years and not once has anyone questioned my “role” at home which I am pretty outspoken about. Our 9th and 10th grade young women are very ambitious and know what they want out of life and their careers. I have not heard “housewife” from one of them, just specific careers. In 2014 the multiple roles women can take on are not mutually exclusive.

On a related note, of my four closest girlfriends, all 39 years old, two are married with children (one works full-time, one is a SAHM) and two are unmarried and very, very happy. There is no one size fits all for happiness or marriage.

Thank you for this post!
–Jen

Just putting my comment out there but not to offend anyone:
It is the responsiblity of the parents to raise their own children not anyone else, not a grandparent, daycare, babysitter, etc. Your children are given to you by God. They only bring joy with plenty of ups and downs along the way. The time invested in raising children is critical for this “everything goes” world.
It could only happen at a certain season in your life so enjoy the benefits of being there for your children!

I wanted to share something with you. I’ve received almost nothing but positive feedback on this post (and the subsequent email I sent to those who follow my newsletter). But as you can imagine, a few have been interesting to say the least. I wanted to share one with you:

“I’ve loved your info and used it up to this point, but this just sent me
over the top…Please DO NOT have a child if you don’t want to raise it. Why
would you bring in someone to your life and then turn around and dump it on
someone else to raise, minute and instill values in them? That is abandonment
and neglect. NO ONE can love your child like you will. How dare you be so
selfish? Why bother having a child if they are going to get shoved aside for
your career…your career could have to change tomorrow if you became disabled
in someway…yet that baby will ALWAYS depend on you as it’s mommy. You preach
all this loving your husband crap, but toss the baby (that is formed in your
body!) out because you don’t want to be inconvenienced. That disgusts me.
Feel judged? I don’t care. You hurting a child by abandoning them for someone
else to raise sickens me.”

Wow. I must say, I received this and had no emotion. This, in part, is because I know who I am and I know what works for my family and me. Of this, I am certain. But I also thought I’d share my response to this woman with you so that can save anyone the time who might feel the need to send me a similar message :

Hi [name removed],

Thanks for your email. Let me ask you this question.
How did you make the leap from me not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom to me
“dumping” my child on someone else? Two things.

First, one of my dearest friends has been a nanny for more than
20 years and the children she has helped raise are some of the most
wonderful, loving, children I’ve ever met and they are healthy and love, love,
love their parents. These families having her assistance over the years
has been a tremendous blessing to both the children and their parents.
The Proverbs 31 woman certainly had help, servants to be exact (vs. 15). Her
children rose up and called her blessed and her husband was respected at the
city gates. She was a business woman, who worked outside of the home (vs.
16, vs. 18, vs. 24). He was an elder among the land (vs. 23). She
watched over the affairs of her household but she was not there all day and
night. She had not one servant…but many. Do you think they did not
help with the children? Especially, when she was out tending to her
various businesses.

Secondly, we have a loving home in which my husband’s parents
moved in with us years ago to help raise their grandchildren. And I must
say, they did one fabulous job in raising my husband and I am honored to have
their help in raising our children, should we so be blessed. I have 5
siblings who all live within 20 miles of me (and few just a couple minutes
away). We all help each other and my nieces and nephews (3 raised by my
sister who chose to be a stay-at-home mom and 3 raised by my sister with help
from her nanny) are absolutely fabulous!

I say all this to say, I don’t feel judged because I’m
completely confident in the life I live and the glory my family brings to
God. I don’t judge others and do my best to do (and say) all things out
of love.

Your challenges with how my family chooses to live is solely
that. I cannot please anyone but God and my family and that will always
be the order in my life. When we have children, the order of importance
will not change. God and family will always come first. What that
looks like in our household may be different than what it looks like in yours
but the blessing is, I only feel compelled to live for an audience of One.

Many blessings to you as you continue on this beautiful road of
life.

Fawn

Fawn ! I cannot tell you how refreshing it was to read this article ! The fact that God has given us the freedom of CHOICE and that we can be happy wives (and mothers) whether we choose to stay at home or work outside the home.

I’m a microbiologist and for a while I thought I was doing something wrong working outside the home although my mom was a school teacher all throughout my childhood and yet managed to raise 4 very successful children. I even read somewhere about how if you worked outside the home you were “not believing God to meet your needs.” So it’s great to find such a balanced article on the subject. Thank you so much.

REFRESHING my sister. REFRESHING !!

I hope your day is going wonderfully. God bless you.