Marriage Mondays: One Thing Every Couple Must Know {Link Up}

By Fawn Weaver on Monday, May 27, 2013

The One Thing Every Couple Must Know

Today is my parent’s 40th anniversary. To be more accurate, this milestone was almost theirs until my father succumbed to his battle with prostate cancer last fall.

In Las Vegas on Memorial Day 1973, they said ‘I do’ after only four weeks of dating and never looked back.  Today is a difficult day for my mom to be sure.  It’s also a day when I am reminded of one important (but often ignored) truth.

There is but one thing every couple must remember if they are to live happily ever after til’ death do part:

Your spouse is not promised one breath beyond the present moment.

Remembering this point is crucial in creating a marriage in which happiness, good communication, friendship, love and encouragement trumps all else.

Have you ever gotten so upset with your spouse that you’ve gone to sleep after an argument determined to hold on to your position of being right until the next morning?  You may not realize this, but in that action, you made a subconscious decision that your spouse would still be there in the morning to continue the conversation; to acknowledge you were right.

But what about those who fall asleep in that state to never have their spouse wake up again?  What about the husband who walks out the door in the midst of an argument and never returns – not by his own will but that of his Maker?

Rather than spending the remainder of our lives thinking about the wonderful life we created with our spouse, we would likely live out our final days replaying that last conversation.  Instead of grieving our lover, we would grieve our last words together; that bitter moment when pride took precedence over love.

Even those who are happily married, adore their spouse, and have a wonderful relationship sometimes fall into this trap of arguing over the insignificant.  But what a better life those live who are reminded of this important point every moment of the day.  All of a sudden, nothing is so urgent as to not warrant patience and nothing is so important as to cause a lapse in our gentle approach.  

Today, in this moment, I challenge you to make a commitment to each other not to fall into that trap.  Never argue over things that will not matter in the last five minutes of your life, because after all, you never know when that time will come.

When my father passed away, my mother in all her sadness was comforted by the fact that she had no regrets.  She loved him to the very end and if she could do it all over again, she’d do it just the same.  We should all be so wise.  We should all be so in love.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

 

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  • http://choosetotrust.com/ Scott Perkins

    I love this post. Coupled with the image at the top about what you cannot recover, lots of power. Going to link it to my facebook page – facebook.com/choosetotrust
    thanks for adding value to my Sunday.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Yeah! Thanks, Scott!

  • Laurie Collett

    Congratulations to your parents! May the sun never go down on our wrath, and may we never take our spouse for granted. This week’s post I’ve linked up is about a much needed getaway my husband and I enjoyed together. Thanks for hosting & God bless!
    Laurie
    http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks for linking up, Laurie!

  • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

    Great post Fawn, very sobering. I know I’ve been guilty of living like I own tomorrow or like my spouses’ tomorrow is also guaranteed. That part of going to bed, expecting to thrash out things in the morning really stands out to me. I should be living all-out-empty and in peace, as far as it concerns me. Thanks for this reminder and challenge today!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      We all need this reminder, Ngina. It’s a reminder to myself too :) .

  • Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy

    “4 weeks of dating and never looked back!” I love that. So sorry for you Mom’s sadness today, but what a blessing that she has no regrets. Thanks for sharing this – I pinned it so I won’t forget!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks for pinning it, Gaye! Wishing you and your family a beautiful Memorial Day.

  • http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

    This is so beautiful, Fawn! And so true. This is why I always try and hug and kiss my hubby and kids when they walk out that door. Because I don’t know for sure that they’re coming back and I don’t want any regrets either.
    The first anniversary is always hard, as is the first Christmas (which you’ve already had) and the first birthday as well as that first Father’s Day.
    My dad died five years ago now, and it was very hard on my mom at first. But she still feels a closeness to him and feels connected to him as her love for him hasn’t died. We will always miss our daddy’s, won’t we?
    Thanks so much for hosting today and my thoughts are prayers are with you and your sweet Mom on this difficult day! May your love and memories comfort you today, my friend.
    Love, Nan

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thank you so much, Nan. Tough day for her for sure. <3

  • http://www.joleneengle.org/ Jolene @ The Alabaster Jar

    Wow, Fawn, what wonderful examples you had! And amen to not knowing what tomorrow brings!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      I am so fortunate to have seen a model like this to emulate in my own marriage.

  • Tyson Cooper

    It’s critical to live with no regrets. I once heard a man say “I’ve never heard of a man who at the end of his life wished he had spent more time at work. I have heard many men say they wished they had spent more time with their family.” It’s so true. We need to be spending time doing what matters most in this life.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      That quote is spot on, Tyson. Love it!

  • http://theemptynestexpress.com/ Ms. Kathleen

    Wonderful post – My grandpa – who I never knew died when my mom was 15. He was on his way home from work and died of a heart attack. You never, ever know when God will call you or your spouse home. My grandma always said “never go to bed angry” – Very important to be sure. My husband and I both forgive easily. It wasn’t always that way for me but I learned from him… We’ll be married 29 years in June :) God is good and faithful. I pray we have many more together :)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      “My husband and I both forgive easily.” Love that, Kathleen! What a gift that must be to your marriage. And congrats – in advance – on 29 years of marriage!

  • Newlywed Survival

    “Your spouse is not promised one breath beyond the present moment.” – Something to think about on a daily basis!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      And no better day to begin than today, right? Thanks for stopping by and posting a note! :)

  • Shannon B

    Wow, what a great reminder for us all. My husband (at the age of 35) had a massive health scare and landed in the ICU. I remember like it was just moments ago, wishing just to hear his voice one more time. I just wanted to hear him. Even under the heavy medication, I’d tell him, “I love you”, and after a few days, he muttered back, “I love you too.” It was then that my heart began to sing. I am fortunate to still have him here today. I love him more now then ever before! We just celebrated our 16th anniversary! :0)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Happy 16th anniversary, Shannon! What a joyous day that must have been when he said those magical words back to you. So happy he’s still here. <3

  • disqus_pFJtxnSQu7

    My hubby and I know this is true. We were both widowed years ago (we both had awesome marriages) and realized how quickly you can lose your spouse. Neither of us took those marriages for granted but now we REALLY don’t! We want to spend every moment together. Right now he is having to work out of town and we hate it! He calls me on every break he has and when off work he calls every hour (plus text in between lol). We miss each other so much it hurts. We too chose to not argue over stupid little things and as a result of that we haven’t had an argument in 4 yrs :-) And I don’t even remember what that one was about so it was probably pretty trivial itself. We tell each other that we love each other probably 20 times a day and hug and kiss constantly. We have been through a lot together and have become stronger. Blending families can be tough. When we married we had 10 children at home (we have a total of 15) and are now down to 1 (she is 15). Love your spouse because you are never promised the next day or even the next hour!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Love your story because it brings this lesson alive. One of the founding members of this club, Kai, lost her first husband while still in her late 20s. Her current husband also lost his wife while in his late 30s. They both loved their spouses so much and never thought they’d be widowed at such a young age (if ever). We never know…and you’re living proof of that. Thank you so much for sharing, Bren!

  • Kasey

    What a great post! Thank you so much for this reminder. I try to remember this every day. I am so blessed to say that Caleb and I are quick to forgive one another and never go to bed angry. These have been keys to our beautiful relationship!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      In premarital counseling, we learned that super important point of never going to bed early. And I love the added “quick to forgive” part. My hubby and I are definitely the same way.

      • Bren_Darlene

        Of never going to bed “early”? :-)

        • Bren_Darlene

          Sorry, just funny :-)

          • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver

            LOL!

  • migwar

    Referring to the blurb in the frame:

    This uses the possessive “its” when what is needed is the contraction for “it is” = “it’s.” The error appears no less than three times. Usually, that error is made in reverse.

    Get a copy editor !