The Best Marriage Advice I Got: Begin With The End in Mind

By Christine St. Vil on Friday, April 4, 2014

Best Marriage Advice - Begin with the End in Mind

Isn’t ironic how a marriage series, pulled together in a matter of a day by four different bloggers, could be so impactful?

Today, is the final day of this impromptu series.  I keep referring to it as impromptu because I didn’t have any clue I would host it it until the first post by Maggie Reyes went live on Monday.

As soon as I hit “publish”, I thought, How amazing would be be if I could gather “best marriage advice” articles from four spectacular women and publish a new one each day through the end of the week?

That thought became action and all the women I reached out to responded with excitement.  

I chose these four bloggers because I know they are all happily married and the best advice they’d received along the way was certainly being applied in their own marriages (even if they weren’t conscious of it).

What I didn’t anticipate was how different their answers would be which made it that much more enjoyable and inspiring.  I’m so grateful I was fortunate enough to host this series.  It truly has been one of my favorites.

Cheers!  And enjoy this beautiful lesson shared by Christine St. Vil with MomsNCharge.com after interviewing her parents who have been married for more than 47 years.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Like Paula in yesterday’s post, I have to admit that I too, had to really think about this question.

What was the best marriage advice I’d ever received?

I tried to think back to our wedding video and the sweet words of wisdom that were left by so many of our guests, but nothing was sticking out. I thought back to my bridal shower and the almost seven years we dated before we got married, but nothing was really coming to me.  

I then tried to think of all of the interviews I’ve conducted with married couples in the last couple of years, but still nothing really jumped out at me.

But then, something kept coming to me. 

It was the advice my parents shared in an interview I did with them last year when asking about how they got to year forty-seven in their marriage.

This is advice I always had in the back of my head, but I now define it more clearly:  The only end goal you should have in marriage is to honor, love and cherish each other until the day you die.  And the only way to do that is to understand that marriage was not designed for your own benefit. When you understand this, tensions that may arise, don’t last very long.

This “end goal” thought process has taken some time for me to fully understand and appreciate. My husband and I have been through several growth spurts, many impactful changes, and really learning how to communicate effectively.

When you take off the wedding dress, the fancy shoes, the make-up and the tiara, and all you have are your wedding vows to stand on and your spouse by your side, you realize that the only exit strategy in marriage is death. And I don’t know about you, but I want to be alive for a very long time.

I will gladly work through my obstacles and challenges in my marriage because I know that those moments are just that…moments. They don’t define our marriage. They only make our marriage stronger, and allow us to work more fluidly together as a unit.

Beginning with the end in mind means that we may not agree on an issue today or tomorrow.  But we have a lifetime together to make it work.  It means that there are days we’ll make each other really happy, and there will be days where we may not even want to talk to each other.  It means that there will be days when we can’t keep our hands off of each other and days where we don’t even want to touch.

But there will be so many more days that we spend joking, laughing, cuddling, and hugging. Those are the days that we choose to focus on because those are the days that will allow us to focus with the end in mind.

Beginning with the end in mind means that we are working towards one goal…together.  It means that we’re in this marriage journey together, as one unit.  And as Kim Hall pointed out earlier in this series, there is a whole lot of strength when harnessing the power of two. 

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Christine St. Vil

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities. Sign up at MomsNCharge.com for her FREE audio: The Truth About Mom Guilt: 3 Tips to Getting Over it so You Can FLY (First Love Yourself).

 

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  • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

    47 years-congratulations to your parents! Love the advice they shared with you, and now with us. Such simple words, but with a generational impacting punch!

    • Christine St.Vil

      Thanks so much Kim! Yes, it was so simple but just never thought about it in that way. It brings a new meaning to “divorce is not an option”. I truly loved this series as well and all of the advice that everyone shared :)