The Best Marriage Advice I Ever Got

By Fawn Weaver on Monday, November 7, 2011

This weekend I had the pleasure of going to a fantastic engagement party for a wonderful couple.  As is probably customary with engagement parties (not sure, I think this was my first), many family members got on the mike and gave the newly engaged couple advice.  While looking at the bliss in their eyes throughout the night, I kept thinking, “Please hold on to that.  Please hold on to that and don’t let anyone take it away from you.”

Early the next morning they were on my mind so I sent them a note sharing the best advice Keith and I have received since getting married eight years ago.  It has carried us through every day of our marriage and what an awesome marriage this has been and continues to be!

When the Club was first launched, this was one of the first blog posts I wrote and although I’ve never posted the same information twice, I thought this would be a great time to share with the thousands of new readers the best piece of advice I’ve received about marriage and the one piece of advice I always give.  

Until tomorrow…make it a great day! 

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Reprint from February 21, 2010:

I recently received an email from Kristi, a new member to our club, “I wanted to let you know how encouraging your website is! I am a newlywed who has been married for a month, and it has been the best month of my life. I absolutely love marriage and my husband, and I know it will continue to get better with time. I am amazed by the number of women at work and in other places who have told me how difficult marriage is and how “the first year is the worst.” I am determined to remain a happy wife and to avoid falling into the trap of negativity towards my husband. Thank you for showing me I am not alone!”  

This note articulated exactly how I felt the first few years of my marriage.  Not long after Keith and I first said “I do” we were confronted by negative comments about marriage everywhere we turned.  I was dumbfounded by the number of friends, family members and casual acquaintances who would make comments with regard to how difficult marriage is and how once the “honeymoon phase” ends we will need to face the realities of marriage.  We heard about everything from the ‘first year blues’ to the ‘seven year itch.’  It was incredibly rare to hear someone speak encouraging words to us about lifelong love and marriage.  It was even rarer to hear the words “Happiness” and marriage used in the same sentence.  But there was at least one time I can remember and that conversation has remained with me for all our married years.

A few months after we were married, Keith and I were at a couples retreat called Dayspring.  After one of the sessions, we were riding in the crowded elevator back to our hotel room.  As usual, Keith’s arms were wrapped around my shoulders and my head was buried into his chest.  One of the women on the ride observing our affection began doing what so many had done before her, “Hold on to that.  It won’t last long…”  Before she could even finish her less-than-positive statement, a woman by the name of Pat Ashley added her two cents: “Happiness is a choice.  My husband and I have been married 29 years and we have chosen to be happy.  Every morning when we wake up we choose to enjoy our day with each other.  We choose to be happy.”  With that, she looked Keith and I square in the eyes and said, “Choose to be happy and it will last.”

Her words were heaven sent.  They were like pouring rain on the Mohave Desert.  They gave us hope that in spite of all the negative comments so often heard, there were those who still believed in the power of marriage and enjoying life as a couple until ‘death do us part’.  We determined that day in spite of all the negative connotations associated with marriage we would choose to be happy and to enjoy every moment of our life together.  It is a choice.  We made that choice and we continue to make it each and every day.

What you and I consider happiness may vary greatly.  But what we have in common is we both know what happiness means to us.  Have you made the choice to be happy in your marriage?  To enjoy every moment of your limited time together?  If not, you don’t know what you’re missing.  Happiness is a choice – so choose it!

COMMENTS: With so many Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation.

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club
Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

 

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  • Fawn Weaver

    Please post your comments here. I love hearing your thoughts and stories too. Let's continue the conversation!

  • Kita Plaskos

    What an interesting read!

    After reading your article it made me realize that my husband and I have also CHOSEN happiness. This is a second marriage for both of us and we both know how to truly appreciate each other. We take every opportunity to put a smile on each others' face. We say little things, we encourage each other and my husband is great at making me laugh. After being married for 9 years, we missed the first year blues and the seven year itch because we were too busy loving each other and enjoying each others' company.

    So yes, we chose happiness.

  • Aladrian

    I soooooooo agree with Pat: happiness in a marriage is truly a choice. Ronn and I will celebrate 30 years this month; I can barely believe it because it seems like it went by so fast! I can say Ronn and I have made a concerted effort each day to enjoy each other, to see and seek out the positive and to positively affirm the good we see in each other. We smile at each other in the morning; we kiss each other good morning, good night, and "Hi!" when one of us walks in the door. These are non-negotiable and are never determined by whether we are angry or not. I find that it's the so-called little things that really act as the glue between us, the actions and attitudes we choose.

    So, I am really happy to read this from you. Thank you for sharing; don't stop!

  • http://www.forgivingforliving.org Wendy Gladney

    I am currently not married, but I have experienced marriage and one of the things that I have learned is that it is true that happiness (regarding anything in life) is a choice and it is up to you to decide what side of the fence you will be on. I also believe that forgiveness is important in a happy and long lasting marriage…so don't forget that! As Pastor E.V. Hill used to say, that he and his wife had a doll that had a happy face and a sad face, whoever got up first in the morning got to chose what mood they were in and the other spouse had to work with that throughout the day! Work together!

  • Fawn Weaver

    Kita & Aladrian, That is awesome. Knowing we have the power to choose what kind of relationship we will have and how much we will enjoy each moment is powerful. Thank you for your thoughts!

    Wendy, that's is too funny! I've never heard of the doll method. Too cute. And we can't forget about forgiveness. Absolutely, can never forget that. Thanks a bunch!

  • Cathy H.

    WOW!!!!!!!!!!! This is SO POWERFUL it brought tears to my eyes!!!! So simple, so very basic, so true, SO POSSIBLE!!!!! Many will likely dismiss this type of positive thinking and action by saying something like, 'She makes it sound so easy. It's not that easy.' The truth of ths matter is, IT IS!!!!!! It absolutely, positively IS!!!!!!! But you'll never know it until you decide to do it and then JUST DO IT! Changing our way of thinking isn't always easy, either. Thank you so much for such a powerful, inspiring, encouraging, and thought-provoking message. May it provoke us all to action!

  • Kim H.

    Fawn, thanks for posting and re-posting the initial blog. It is so true, and such an important reminder that we absolutely have a choice as to our attitude. And life is too short to carry those kinds of petty burdens that a little shift in attitude, or a little grace or forgiveness would alleviate… and we have no guarantee that we, or our spouse, will be given tomorrow. So make today count, choose to love well, and to be happy.

  • Lainie

    Pat's advice is excellent~~choose to be happy! My husband and I have been married over 35 years. We frequently do something to brighten the other one's day or bring a smile to each other like leaving notes on pillows, putting one of our daughter's stuffed animals (from her childhood) in each other's office chairs which probably sounds silly, but it's usually an animal that was related to a conversation we had earlier that day. My husband used to do voices for animation, so one time he kept imitating Sponge Bob Square Pants. One day when I was shopping, I found a Sponge Bob Square Pants pilllow which I brought home and put it on his side of the bed. It gave him a good laugh. One time he left me a silly note on the vacuum because he knew that vacuuming was going to be the first thing I did that particular morning. Sometimes I'll leave him a cinammon roll by his morning coffee. If things get tense, which oftentimes they do, we grab each other's hands and pray when we really feel like verbally ripping into each other. As two of our dear friends would say, "We were about to have intense fellowship," LOL.

  • Fawn Weaver

    LOL, Lainie! This idea of using stuffed animals or dolls is something I never thought of but since you and Wendy both mentioned it I wonder if more people do that. Pretty cool. Intense fellowship…funny. Thanks for your comments! I truly appreciate them.

  • Fawn Weaver

    @Kim – Your comment "…we have no guarantee that we, or our spouse, will be given tomorrow. So make today count, choose to love well, and to be happy" is exactly how we feel! I never know beyond this moment that we're together that I'll see him again once he walks out the door so we always give each other a goodbye kiss. And we end every call with "I love you." We've done that for eight years. Instead of ending with "okay, bye" we end with "I love you." Maybe that'll be today's blog post :) . Thanks for the inspiration.

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  • Cas

    LOVE THIS SO MUCH, its so true