Tag Archives: communication

5 Ways to Prepare Your Marriage for a New Baby

5 Ways to Prepare Your Marriage for a New Baby

5 Ways to Prepare Your Marriage for a New Baby

If you’ve visited here for some time, you likely know the hubby and I have been on a long, windy road to pregnancy.

A decade of marriage.  No baby yet.  But we remain incredibly hopeful (and happy).  That’s why I love reading posts like this one from HWC contributor, Paula Rollo.  

They help me understand what to expect and allow us to talk about these things even before my hormones go a bit nutty :) .

If you have your own special package on its way, congratulations!  You will be able to begin putting these suggestions to practice right away.  Excited for you, my friend.

Until Monday…make it a great day!

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With a baby on the way, it can be easy to let marriage slip to the back burner.

Babies require a lot of time, attention and energy, so it is important for couples to put alot of effort into their marriage, both before and after the baby is born.

Doing this will help ensure the marriage relationship continues to grow stronger in the midst of all the life transitions that come with the birth of a new bundle of joy! 

Wondering what you can do to get ready?

Here are 5 ways to prepare your marriage for a new baby:

1.  Enhanced Communication.  Communication has always been an important part of marriage, but it becomes more essential as your family grows. Long and intricate conversations with your spouse will now be interrupted by baby’s feedings and diaper changes.

Take some time to find new ways to communicate your love and needs to one another, without beating around the bush or trying to rely on subtle hints. Loving honesty and truthful conversations are important, now more than ever.

2.  Respect the Hormones.  Wives, I’m talking to you! The pregnancy hormones may calm down after baby is born, but that doesn’t mean you are free and clear.

It may take several weeks or even months for your hormones to get back to normal, especially if you are breastfeeding. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself still being a bit weepy or sensitive. That’s okay!

The key here is to be able to identify when the hormones are making you feel wonky, and allow yourself a break.  If you realize you are getting annoyed or irritated with your husband, step back for a moment and think.  Chances are your hormones are just acting up and your hubby is not to blame.

In our family, it helped a lot when I was able to tell my husband something like “I’m not really mad at you, my hormones are just making me feel bad right now.”  When I did this, he was able to support and love on me, instead of feeling the need to get defensive about something he said (or did) that wouldn’t have mattered if my hormones weren’t being crazy.

Respect the hormones, and find ways to clue your hubby in that you may be having a hormonal day! Those days are hard on the hubbies too, not just the wives.

3.  Priorities.  When baby comes, you will both find yourselves very tired, and scrambling for time to complete your normal activities. It is a good practice to identify the most important things to each of you, so that you can both try to prioritize accordingly.

If you’re usually the one who cleans and only have time to tidy one room today, do you know which one would mean the most to your husband to have cleaned?  If given the choice, does he know if you would prefer a home-cooked meal from him, or all the laundry washed and put away?  Do neither of you really care if the bed is made, or the floors vacuumed?

Take the time to discuss these things before they become issues, and don’t waste your energy on the things that don’t matter as much to either of you. There will be days when neither of you can keep up with everything that you used to do, this is normal and the season will pass eventually. Knowing your partner’s pet peeves and specific desires can help reduce stress and eliminate disagreements during this transitional season of life.

4.  Lower your standards - I know that sounds bad, but hear me out. Before baby, you had more time and money to spend on date nights or simple evenings of relaxation together. Once baby is born, it might (read: likely) become more difficult to get out of the house or even to spend a full evening cuddling together on the couch without interruption. Lower your expectations for at least a few months, and learn to find joy in the time that you do get to spend together.

It may not be at a 5-star restaurant, but a quiet dinner at home while the baby sleeps, can be just as romantic! Remember that the important thing is time together, regardless of where or when that time is spent! (Check out this post for 10 fun home date night ideas that are perfect for post-baby dating!)

5.  The 3 month wait.  If at any time (or all the time!) you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or worried about what your life is becoming, don’t fret! Give it a few weeks. Things change fast with a baby, and chances are in 3 months or so, you will be feeling a lot more rested, calm and confident as parents. This baby business can be hard work, but it does get easier, I promise!

Don’t be too hard on yourself, or your spouse if things don’t immediately flow perfectly. Learning and growing together means working through the rough times and the crazy bumps that life throws at us. A baby changes everything, but that is not a bad thing. Marriage can get stronger and sweeter with time and with babies! It might take a bit of extra work to keep those butterflies going, but it will be more than worth it! 

Looking for more tips? Check out this post to learn 7 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive After the Baby is Born.

QUESTION: What marriage tips would you give a mom-to-be?

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The Power of Touch

The Power of Touch

I am assuming that almost everyone is aware of the power of touch. Coming from my education background I always find these topics of interest. I read an article recently by Psychology Today that grabbed my attention.

In the article Dr. Herbenick talks about her desire to be touched.  She mentions benefits for our husbands sexual satisfaction by the power of touch.  To my surprise it was not a sexual touch, but instead cuddling, caressing, and being together.

This article made me think back to my husband and my favorite times together.

Here is the date night that walk down memory lane conjured up.  It’s a date my husband and I did without any planning involved.  At that moment we had no children at home, so for those with kids this may require some planning.

We did this when we were feeling disconnected because of schedules and such. When we do not have quality time together, it generally shows in our communication.

To start off the date night, the first thing we do is to get comfortable. For me I’m usually in a tank and shorts. And ladies… no bra! I have not met one women who is comfortable in those blasted things. :)

This date can take place on your porch, couch, wherever you are comfortable, yet can be touching… but my favorite place is our bed.

(I’m blushing… geeze)

There are a couple of reasons.

1. CUDDLE TIME! – It is so much easier to cuddle and have skin-on-skin contact.

2. It’s a presence and environment of rest.

We start by talking about things we have miscommunicated over the last day-week-month. We talk things out while holding hands, hugging, and caressing. Even when we discuss things that may have upset us, because we are cuddling and touching our defenses are down. It becomes much easier to get out what we are feeling and solve any conflicts.

We talk about our dreams and plans. I think this is important. We get so busy with life we forget all those dreams and plans we have. Reconnect through those.

We also talk about funny stories, or things we have been through, that we can now laugh about.

There are a few rules to this:

#1. NO electronics… put them away. Your spouse needs to feel you are listening to him. 

#2. No Sex – I know that could possibly (or probably) will lead to this… but hold off. Trust me after having a connection and talking things out you will feel incredibly close.

#3. No time limit- If you have children this might be a challenge, or if you are really busy. But set a couple hours aside for just you and your spouse.

I love the benefits of this date! Communication, touch, and quality time with the one you love. Try it and let me know if it helped you connect! I know it has for my hubby and I!

Staying Hopeful, Aunt LaLa