Simple Acronym for Marriage: A.E.O.D.

By Fawn Weaver on Thursday, December 8, 2011

Acronym for Marriage

Acronyms are great reminders to do something we otherwise might forget.  Businesses and government agencies often use acronyms to ensure customers will remember them.  IBM.  AOL. AT&T.  NASA.  IHOP.  We may not know what A&W stands for, but we know they make one awesome rootbeer float.

There is a simple acronym for marriage I’ve found to be the most effective in helping a couple grow in love, become more patient with each other and remove common frustrations within most relationships. 

A.E.O.D: Accept Each Other’s Differences

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know I’m a bit of a klutz. I stumble over my own feet, run into walls, and step on my husband’s toes often. For the first few years of our marriage, I accidentally kneed him in a very important place so many times that he’d brace himself whenever I came near.

I pace in front of the television and yell at the players on my favorite team, the San Antonio Spurs, when they’re giving up a game. I am not a fan of the word no or the phrase “you’re wrong” and can list many instances in which I did not respond well to either. There were times in the past, as Keith often pointed out to me, when my thinking and my speaking seemed to be one action.

What I just described about myself is the polar opposite of my husband, Keith. He is always calm, collected, rational, reasonable, well-spoken, and never, ever says anything without thinking about it first. He is a diplomat who weighs all sides of an issue prior to addressing it. He has great poise (doesn’t ever run into walls) and enjoys sports but is never fully invested in the outcome of the game. He loves feedback and can accept positive or negative types. He doesn’t mind being proven wrong.

However, he can sit in front of a television for hours watching back-to-back episodes of Mecum Auto Auction or Landscapers’ Challenge. “Really?” I’ve asked. “Are you kidding me? Didn’t you just see a garden that looked just like that in the last episode?”  He unwinds by doing random internet searches on topics like, “What happened to Ralph Macchio?” or “Where’s Tutti from Facts of Life?”  He’d rather spend Sunday morning waxing his car or pulling weeds than relaxing on the couch (which is definitely my preference).

>In an airport, his semi-claustrophobic side kicks in, causing him to resemble a drill sergeant. He does not want me to stop at any shops, get food, or even go to the bathroom. He wants to get to and from the terminal with little distraction. This is a challenge to me, because I like to look at everything, say hello to everyone, and pick up candy and sweets in as many places as possible.

Initially, it hurt my feelings when he’d begin barking orders at me whenever we were in an airport. But then I realized how uncomfortable being around so many people made him feel, not to mention all the people bumping into his large six-foot-four frame as we walked. So now I make a conscious effort to walk quickly with him to the gate of our flight before commencing my search for the best candy, sweet, or treat.

When Keith and I were first married, we couldn’t have been more different from each other. But over the years we have begun morphing into one another’s likeness. The transformation is amazing to watch. We still have a lot of differences, but we have found ourselves sharing more similarities with each passing day. That has come as a natural progression, because we’ve chosen to accept each other’s differences. His differences don’t annoy me, because I understand they are a part of who he is, and vice versa.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that the qualities that make our spouses different are also what make them great.  What made us fall in love with them was not that they were so much like us.  Do we now think so highly of ourselves that we want our spouses to be just like us? How arrogant. What small-mindedness.

For Keith and me, where he is weak, I am strong, and where I am weak, he is strong. Our differences balance each other out this way. Together we are wiser, richer, and stronger than if we were by ourselves. That is the beauty of marriage. The power of two is greater than the strength of one.

The next time your spouse does something different from the way you would do it, rather than stewing, try considering how the action makes them special. Marvel in the unique characteristics of your husband and accept them. Don’t try to change him. He will grow over time, just as you will too. Be patient.

I desire to be more of the wife Keith would like me to be, mainly because he accepts me the way I am and trusts that in time I will continue to grow and evolve.  He has mastered the art of A.E.O.D.  Marriage is not a sprint.  It is a well-run marathon. 

Today, I run into fewer walls, step on Keith’s toes with less frequency, can stomach the word no and the phrase “you’re wrong,” and only yell at the Spurs when they are in the NBA playoffs or finals—giving up the game! It’s not perfect, but for me, it’s growth.  

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

 

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  • http://bottlebootcamp.blogspot.com/ ResearchingMom (Nicole)

    Love Love Love this!
    A.E.O.D: Accept Each Other’s Differences
    What a great positive way to look at marriage!

  • http://christintheclouds.blogspot.com/ Ann

    I know some women who can only find the negative things about their husbands and are dug so deep into themselves that they refuse to see how they may be contributing to some of that. They can't see that God created us to be different and like you said "Our differences are what balance each other out." I think we all at times can become impatient with our spouses, but I am personally SO glad that God made my husband the way he is….he really does complete me. Thanks for your words to remind me to be so thankful, Fawn!

  • Fawn Weaver

    Thanks, Nicole! That is definitely my favorite acronym. @Ann- You got it! That's why I love this Club. We're a group of women who know how nurturing our marriage and husbands yield us the largest return. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I truly appreciate it!

  • http://speedoflife-times.blogspot.com/ Athelda Ensley

    For my husband and I, our differences are actually strengths. After nearly 20 years, we continue to balance each other out. Too much of anything could be bad (literally and figuratively). Understanding, respecting, and appreciating the differences is critical! Besides, who wants to be married to themselves?

  • Fawn Weaver

    Exactly, Athelda! I definitely wouldn't want to be married to myself. I have WAY too many flaws :) . BTW- I put your URL as a link with your name.

  • http://linsey-organizedchaos.blogspot.com/2011/12/month-of-martha-ruffle-goodness.html Linsey

    "Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that the qualities that make our spouses different are also what make them great."
    Such a great reminder!

  • Fawn Weaver

    Exactly. Thanks, Linsey, for taking the time to not only read our blog but to comment!

  • http://www.hopefulfuture.blogspot.com Paula

    love it.

    I was actually just reading in a marriage book about this very thing! The author was talking about how we should accpet our differences as blessings from God because God made us and our spouses different instead of trying to turn our spouses into another version of ourselves. It would be so borring to be married to myself, but if I think about it that's what I'm doing when I try to conform him / his likes to be just like me/mine.

    Awesome post! :)

  • Fawn Weaver

    Thanks, Paula! Truly appreciate you visiting and taking the time to post a comment.

  • http://thehubbydiaries.wordpress.com The Hubby Diaries

    Great post… and SO true. You really need to learn to appreciate the differences. I have always hated the comment that when you get married "Two Becomes One". I like to say that when you get married "Two Becomes Too". Because you each bring something independently unique to your union!

    And.. your marriage acronym is so much nicer than the one I posted a few weeks ago (which, like my entire blog, is totally in jest of course…) :-)

    M en
    A re
    R arely
    R ight
    I mmediately
    A fter
    G etting
    E ngaged

  • http://blessedbeyondmeasure-ts.blogspot.com Torrie

    This is such a great post. Love viewing each other's differences in such a possitive light! Thanks for sharing :-)

  • http://www.moniquezackery.blogspot.com Monique

    I like this post. Good reminder! Curtis and I have so many differences too!! For instance, In a group of people, I tend to withdraw, and he's the life of the party. But at home alone, he unwinds by quieting down and I unwind by talking his ears off! Haha. It was a challenge in the beginning for both of us. But now we totally get each other, and it works! Some other challenges: He likes the house to be cold, I like warm. He like the shower to be so hot I could almost boil something in it. I like luke warm. He likes his dinner room temperature, I like super hot & fresh off the stove! He likes big hamburgers, I like salad with fruit in it. …. BUT in all this, we've learned to let each other be who we are with freedom to be unique in the relationship and it's been a HUGE blessing. Here's another idea: what if we not only learn to accept each others differences, but CELEBRATE them? :) …. totally enjoying your blog, Fawn! Hope you have a great day!

  • Fawn Weaver

    Thanks, Torrie, Monique & The Hubby Diaries! It's so funny how different so many of us are from our hubbies. But that's what makes it all wonderful (and adventurous :) ). I truly appreciate you stopping by and taking the time to comment :) .

  • http://www.logallot.com Sonia

    What attracted me to my man was that we were very different in some ways. He is my best friend and we are always together. Don't get me wrong, we have our days when we get on each other's nerves, but I have found this to make our bond stronger.

    Some might say being different could hinder a relationship, but I think a person believing that statement has too many expectations on the relationship itself. At the end of the day, appreciating one another is what keeps marriages and relationships together. I loved the use of acronyms in some of the comments.

  • http://www.longdazeshortyears.blogspot.com The Mommy

    It's a challenge, though, isn't it? Accepting that someone ELSE'S way of doing something might, in fact, be better than yours? At least it was a challenge for me. My favorite quote about love, in general, is "just because someone doesn't love you in the way you want to be loved doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have". I try to remember that. And I also (accidentally) crack my husband on a regular basis. My name is NOT Grace!

  • Fawn Weaver

    @The Mommy- Absolutely! We grow up thinking it's all about us and then we get married and have to somehow figure out a way to adjust that thinking. Whew! It can be a challenge but those who learn to do it (which sounds like you have) are blessed in their marriage with far greater returns. At least that's what I've found to be the case in my own marriage :) . @Sonia- You are SO right. Thank you both for taking the time to comment. It's greatly appreciated.

  • http://simplyspending.weebly.com/blog.html Maketta

    I agree. I am not married yet but if things work out I will be getting married. Everyone is different and I don't believe that you should want your spouse to be just like you. That would be really boring.

  • http://theresjustonemommy.com/?page_id=14 OneMommy

    Love the acronym. I will try harder to remember to embrace our differences. I will have to consider that some of my husband's mannerisms could be b/c he is uncomfortable in a situation…

  • http://familiesagain.blogspot.com/?m=0 Tim @ Families Again

    Great post! I love the acronym. It's something I really need to remember in my marriage!

    Tim

  • sarah

    it may take time to accept each others'differences, but is surely worth the wait.

  • Fawn Weaver

    @Maketta- The best time to learn these principles are before marriage. So happy you're stopping by our blog! @OneMommy- Absolutely! It was touch at first for me to see Keith's personality completely change in airports (and Costco – lol) but I realized how uncomfortable he was so I do my best to help the situation and he now does his best not to let his discomfort impact his kindness toward me. @Tim- Love seeing hubbies on here learning things. Yeah! @Sarah- You are so right. Thank you all for taking the time to not only read but comment. Cheers!

  • http://ladyofwhimsy.blogspot.com conni

    I'd never heard of AEOD before. It's a good one. You have to accept that people are different or you won't be able to sustain lasting relationships with anyone! nice post:)

  • Fawn Weaver

    Thanks, Conni! A.E.O.D. is something I've followed for years but I don't know if it's an official "acronym" beyond this blog :) . But I'm so happy you found it helpful too. I truly appreciate you not only stopping by but taking the time to post a comment. Thanks!

  • Mina

    You Minted you desire to be the wife that Keith wants Mimi because he excepts you for who you are. What if or what is your advice for a husband who doesn’t accept you for who you are?

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Oh wow, that’s a toughie. Did he accept you as you were when you were first married and then you changed and/or he changed?