Recession Proof – Steps 2 & 3

If you’ve been following this blog for the past couple days you know we’re talking about finances and how to Recession-Proof your marriage and household.  You also know this subject made me quite nervous to talk about initially because it is such a challenging topic for so many.  But I also know this is certainly the right time to have this conversation with my fellow happy wives (some who may not be feeling so “happy” these days due to the financial climate around the world).

Although the “Great Recession” as it’s been coined officially began in December 2007, most of us didn’t know about it and did not feel it’s effects until after September 2008, about the time most of us learned we were smack dabbed in the middle of a recession.

Based on the economic-science definition of the word “recession”, the Great Recession ended in the US around June or July 2009.  And yet, most of America has felt little relief.  This is likely the case in the household of most members of this Club and so I thought it was time to share with you what I’ve learned over the years about money and finances and how we determined to make our marriage recession-proof right in the middle of the economic downturn.

Before I continue writing, I want to invite anyone who did not view the first blog on this topic to please click here.  The reason is there was a disclosure regarding this subject that’s important for you to read prior to reading this blog series entitled Recession Proof.

This morning as Keith and I were having breakfast together I asked him if one of our friends (a couple) came to us and were having extremely difficult times financially and those money woes were spilling into their marriage (as is usually the case), what would he recommend be their very first step.

I posed this question to him for a number of reasons: 1) He’s one of the wisest people I know; 2) He’s read nearly every best-selling personal finance book on the market; 3) We navigated through these recession waters together and have managed to remain relatively untouched due to the steps we’ve taken over the past few years; and 4) I wanted to make sure we were on the same page as to the steps I will be sharing with you over the next week or so.

As I suspected, we had the exact same thought as to the first (and most critical) steps a couple must take to get their finances and relationship back on track.  And all three involve mindset.

Yesterday, I shared with you a quote I recently heard Rick Warren say in a series he’s currently doing at his church on finances, “If the grass is greener on the other side, that’s because your neighbor has a higher water bill!”  Changing your mindset to free yourself from being concerned about what other people have relative to what you have and to simply be content with exactly what you have at this moment is not only wise, it’s necessary for this plan to work.

Learning to stop comparing yourself to other people is one of the most difficult paradigm shifts to achieve in this lifetime because it is so contrary to what we have always done and likely still do.  And as I also pointed out in yesterday’s blog post, even those of us who don’t think we compare ourselves to others will be surprised to learn we do.

The litmus test for figuring out if you compare yourself to others is to ask yourself one simple question: If my spouse and I lived in a world in which we were the only ones occupying the earth, would I “need” as much as I have or desire as much as I want to have?  Would you “need” a new car or a new phone when both models of the ones you have work fine?  Would you need a 60” flat-screen television mounted on the wall to watch television or would you still be amazed at the picture quality that comes through your 32”?

Rick Warren wrote the best-selling book of all time (excluding the Bible) and he wears a watch from Wal-mart that cost $17.  I thought about the watches Keith and I wear daily and thought, “Wow, these watches and Rick Warren’s watch tell the exact same time, perform the exact same function and yet ours cost a hundred times more. “  What is the reason we chose the watches we chose?  If I were to say we did it for ourselves I’d be dishonest with myself.  I didn’t know that when we purchased the watches but I know it now. 

Admitting to ourselves that much of what we do is for the consideration of other people is a part of what allows us to be freed from making that mistake any longer.  It’s tough.  I know.  This is one struggle we all have and God bless the person who doesn’t because I don’t personally know one.  My first thought goes to Mother Teresa but I’ve only read about her or seen her on TV.  Possibly Ghandi, but then again, I certainly didn’t know him firsthand.  I know no one that doesn’t make purchases (whether consciously or subconsciously) with the thought of other’s perceptions in mind.

Again, we likely don’t realize we’re doing it which is why this litmus test is so exposing of our true motives.  Go ahead, look around the rooms in your home or apartment, look at your car, your wardrobe, and ask yourself, “If my hubby and I were the only two people occupying this earth, would we have all this stuff?”

Once you’re able to answer that question honestly to yourself — which is step one – you and your spouse can begin working on creating a recession-proof marriage and household.  So here we go.  Yesterday I gave you step one.  And today:

STEP TWO: Team up with your partner in life, your spouse, and pray for wisdom.

Okay, I know this sounds too simple and you may have been looking for something more profound.  But what I’ve found in life is what is profound and confounding is usually not what works.  It is simplicity that matters most and in the case of getting or keeping your marriage on track in the midst of tough financial times, this step is not only necessary, you may find it is the one thing that can bring immediate relief. 

Even with the world still weighing on your shoulders, STEP TWO does two things: 1) It brings the two of you closer together as the first portion of the step was to “team up”.  This reminds you both that you’re in this together and two heads and four hands can accomplish much more than one head and two hands; and 2) It then teams you up with God who knows your master plan and can safely guide you through these stormy seas and allow you to become untouchable.

I love movies but am not a fan of horror, gangster or what I like to call “shoot em’ up, bang bang” movies.  But in 1987 a gangster movie called The Untouchables, starring Kevin Costner, Robert DeNiro and Sean Connery, came out and is still one of my favorite movies to this day.  The story is about a group of incorruptible men who joined together to take down one of the most notorious mob bosses of all time, Al Capone.

In the movie, Al Capone (played by Robert DeNiro) had everyone on his payroll: judges, policemen, the entire government and yet there was one group of men (only a handful) who could not be influenced.  They were “untouchable”; out of Capone’s reach.  Capone was more powerful than anyone else and yet he couldn’t stop this group from what they determined they would achieve.

I thought about that movie this morning as I was preparing to write this blog post and to begin sharing with you how Keith and I joined forces as a “team” to create a Recession-Proof life.  No matter what is going on in the world, we determined if it wasn’t good, we wouldn’t participate.  The recession is not a good thing so guess what?  We’ve not participated for the past three years and we have no intention of starting now.

It all began in 2008 when we, like most of you, discovered the US was in a recession.  I was the general manager of a Hilton-family hotel and he was a Sr. Vice President for a Fortune 500 company.  We made a lot but we spent much more.  Remember that figure I gave you yesterday from Time Magazine saying the average American spends $1,300 for every $1,000 they make?  Well, let’s just say we were outspending the average American.

Needless to say, the announcement that we were deep in a recession and large layoffs within his company and industry were on the horizon, was just the wakeup call we needed to begin getting our finances in order.  The very first things we did were:

1. Acknowledge that much of what we did and a lot of what we purchased were not for ourselves.  We cared about our image.  We thought we were “simple people” because we were comparing ourselves to people with far more complicated lives.  But when we compared our life only against our own life, we realized we weren’t as “simple” as we thought.
2. “Team Up” and prayed for wisdom that God would direct us to steer our way clear out of the situation we’d created by spending more than we made.

And the third thing we did is the third step in becoming recession-proof:

STEP THREE: Strip down your image.

As soon as we prayed to the Lord for wisdom as to how to navigate our way through the recession so we’d grow stronger instead of weaker during tough financial times, He began to teach us the things I’ve begun revealing to you over the past few days and will continue well into next week.  But as is usually the case with God, the advice and instruction did not come free.  It came at a cost.

We would have to learn to sacrifice a lot of the things we’d grown accustomed to like traveling all over the world on twice-annual vacations.  We’d have to stop going out to fancy dinners several times a week.  We’d need to stop purchasing things on a whim (for both us and for other people).  We’d need to make a lot of adjustments and in order to do that we’d have to do one extremely difficult thing.  We’d need to strip down our image and not concern ourselves with what other’s think.

We would be considered successful businesspeople.  In the past that made us feel entitled to certain purchases because we felt like we worked hard and earned them.  But during this time, we discovered first hand Proverb 22:7, “…the borrower is servant to the lender.”  We realized that if either of us lost our jobs we’d be in trouble.  And we also knew in times like these is when so many lose their jobs.

So we got focused.  Dave Ramsey calls it “Gazelle intensity”.  We determined to begin paying off all our debt (which, excluding our mortgages, was the equivalent of my gross salary times two) and to learn how to live on one salary.  We wanted to ensure we were never reliant on one salary or the other.  We would pay off our debt so we could free ourselves from being “slave to the lender”.

Long story short, in July 2010 I was able to leave my job as hotel general manager to launch an internet company because we successfully did what we set out to do.  In the worst recession of our lifetime, I was able to quit my job and launch a company I’d had on the backburner for five years.  However, I don’t want you to think this came easy.  It did not come without a hefty price tag.

The cost was we had to follow a strict financial plan and get our mindset straight and on one accord as husband and wife.  And then we had to power through it all.  We were determined to become “untouchable” and to not allow what goes on in the world to enter into our home.  We made our home and our marriage Recession Proof and you can too!

We’ll continue this on Monday but in the interim, let me recap what we’ve learned so far:

STEP ONE: Stop comparing yourself to others and learn to be content (or even better, happy) with exactly what you have in this moment.  As Rick Warren said and I love repeating, “If the grass is greener on the other side, that’s because your neighbor has a higher water bill!”

STEP TWO: Team up with your partner in life, your spouse, and pray for wisdom.  This is different from the prayers you may have prayed until now.  You’re not asking Him to magically make your debt disappear or magically increase your income.  You’re asking Him for the wisdom to allow you to do it yourself.  No one knows your financial future better than Him so that is the life source you want to stay connected to throughout this process and beyond.

STEP THREE: Strip down your image.  There is no doubt that a part of the instruction God will give you will require great sacrifice and that means you will need to be okay with whatever anyone else may think of you.  If you’ve driven a BMW or Mercedes your entire life and God tells you it’s time to roll a Toyota or Ford, you’re going to get questions.  Keith certainly did when he downgraded from a fully-loaded Lexus to the most basic model Camry.  But guess whose laughing now?  Don’t allow your fear of what others may think keep you straddled with the burden of debt.  It’s just not worth it.

I have a lot more steps to reveal in this blog series on becoming recession-proof but I trust these three steps will keep you busy for the weekend.  I’m taking the time to write about this topic, in spite of how nervous I feel exposing so much of my personal life, because I care about you, the health of your marriage and your family overall. 

The family is not only the backbone of the church it is the backbone of the world.  We cannot afford for families to be separated in times like these.  As with all challenges, this too shall pass, and we’re all survivors.  You’ve made it this far so don’t give up now.  Let’s all get stronger and wiser together.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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