Recession Proof – Step 6

By Fawn Weaver on Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Whew hoo!  We’re over the halfway mark in our quest to show you how to create a Recession-Proof marriage and household.  Yesterday, I did a quick recap of the first four steps and outlined the fifth.  If you didn’t get a chance to review it, check it out here.  Today, we’re rolling out the sixth step in the plan to shield your family from this current economy.

STEP SIX: Redefine the American Dream

Last year, I began to wonder about the so-called American dream.  The more I listened to people talk about it, the more I became convinced that The American Dream, as it’s currently described, is really just The American [in] Debt.

I began to think about how the American dream was first described and was intrigued as to how much it’s changed over the past century to now include a house with a white picket fence and a hefty 30-year mortgage to accompany it.

Recently, Keith and I watched A Raisin in the Sun.  I’d never had the opportunity to see the critically-acclaimed play so the onscreen production was the next best thing.  I don’t know if you’ve seen this movie but the premise is a poor African-American family is torn apart by a $10,000 life insurance policy from the deceased husband of the matriarch.  Her only son spends most of the movie lobbying to take the check, the moment it arrives, and invest it in their “future.”

By future, I mean he wanted to invest it in a scheme that seemed promising.  Infighting within the family ensues over their differences in opinion regarding how the matriarch of the family should spend the money once the postman delivers the check.

By the end of the movie, the matriarch has relented and hesitantly gives her son $6,500, of which $3,000 is supposed be put in a bank for his sister’s college education.  Unfortunately, he “invests” the entire amount and within days learns one his new “business partners” was a con artist and skipped town with the money.  In spite of all that, the family somehow finds solace in the fact that the first $3,500 was used as a down payment on a home they all moved into in the final scenes of the movie.

Once the credits began to roll, I turned to Keith and said, “That was depressing.”  Keith was a little surprised because this is an American classic and that’s usually not the reaction of most (I’d imagine) because the movie has a “happy” ending.  The family is all hugs and laughter as they begin moving into their new home.  But all I could think about was they were now in debt.

Yes, their apartment wasn’t ideal but why not just get a slightly nicer apartment?  Instead, they move into a home in which they cannot afford the monthly payments.  The daughter-in-law exclaims she’ll work 20 hours a day, if she has to, in order to help pay the mortgage.  The matriarch of the family, who retired at the beginning of the movie, would now need to return to work to also help pay the mortgage.

I told Keith, “This isn’t a happy ending.  They’re all in debt!”  And thus renewed my thought that The American Dream had somewhere along the years lost its meaning and now is the time for us to return to the basics.  Although step six is to “Redefine the American Dream,” it could as easily be titled, “Return to the Original American Dream.”  That just wasn’t as catchy.

Let me ask you a question.  What do you think of when you think of The American Dream?  If a house with a white picket fence enters your mind, or home ownership at all for that matter, then you and I are in the same boat: completely brainwashed.

I am a self-proclaimed research junkie so recently I began looking at the American Dream and was reminded of the enormous gift I was given simply by the latitude and longitude by which I was born:

The American Dream is a national ethos of the United States in which freedom includes a promise of the possibility of prosperity and success. In the definition of the American Dream by James Truslow Adams in 1931, “life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement” regardless of social class or circumstances of birth.  The idea of the American Dream is rooted in the United States Declaration of Independence which proclaims that “all men are created equal” and that they are “endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights “including “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” [i]

Historian James Truslow Adams, who popularized the phrase “American Dream” in his 1931 book Epic of America said about the Dream, “The American dream, that has lured tens of millions of all nations to our shores in the past century has not been a dream of merely material plenty, though that has doubtlessly counted heavily. It has been much more than that. It has been a dream of being able to grow to fullest development as man and woman, unhampered by the barriers which had slowly been erected in the older civilizations, unrepressed by social orders which had developed for the benefit of classes rather than for the simple human being of any and every class.”

Martin Luther King, Jr., in his “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” (1963) rooted the civil rights movement in the black quest for the American Dream: “We will win our freedom because the sacred heritage of our nation and the eternal will of God are embodied in our echoing demands. . . . when these disinherited children of God sat down at lunch counters they were in reality standing up for what is best in the American dream and for the most sacred values in our Judeo-Christian heritage, thereby bringing our nation back to those great wells of democracy which were dug deep by the founding fathers in their formulation of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.”

Over the past few years I’ve heard so many say, “The American Dream is over,” “It’s been lost forever,” and other similar sentiments.  But how is that thought process even possible?  If the American Dream is about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, then why would that change because the economy shifts downward?  If freedom of expression, religion, speech and all the other inalienable rights of human beings, as defined by our Declaration of Independence, are still fully intact, what is it we’ve actually lost?

The answer is simple: Most of America figured out they weren’t actually free.  It was just a false perception.  We discovered the Proverb that tells us, “…the borrower is slave to the lender” continues to ring true.  Let me see if I help make sense of this all in the simplest of terms. 

Here’s a large part of what happens in a recession: 1) Money gets tight; banks stop extending loans and credit lines; 2) Credit limits are drastically reduced; 3) Home equity lines of credit are immediately frozen or reduced; 4) Housing market plummets.

Do you see a trend between each of the items listed above which are indicative of a recession?  Everyone’s living or functioning on borrowed dollars.  Businesses requiring lines of credit to continue operating suddenly find themselves needing to live on their actual income.  Consumers who have barely been getting by month-to-month on their credit cards suddenly find that well has dried up and they too must begin living within their actual means. 

What happened in 2008 was bound to happen at some point.  Everyone, including corporations, realized they were overextended and living above their means.  Unfortunately, since the market relies on consumers using credit (and paying interest) and consumers no longer have credit, that is quite the predicament and a recipe for disaster when attempting to climb out of a global recession.

So that’s the bad news.  Here’s the good news.  Do you want to know how to pull your family out of this recession?  How to rise above this bad economy?  Just refuse to participate in it. Just because the country is in a recession doesn’t mean your family has to be a part of it.  So how do you get out of it?  It’s simple.  Resolve to no longer be a slave to the lender.  Determine to stop being a borrower.  Live on what you make and not a penny more.

Did you know that most 30-year fixed home loans are set up so the first 15 years you’re solely paying interest?  No, really.  When a person finishes paying off their 30-year loan, in most instances,  that home has cost them more than double the actual purchase price of the home.  So for a $350,000 home, the buyer ends up paying more than $700,000.  This is one of the reasons Robert Kiyosaki in his book, Rich Dad Poor Dad, vigorously challenges the argument that a home is an asset if there is a mortgage attached.  Something similar happens when you “buy” a car on credit.

When you decide to put a $2,500 big screen television on your credit card, do you know how much that television is really costing you?  Let’s just say, if you put it on a credit card with an interest of 18% and make the minimum payments every month, it will take you roughly 28 years to pay off that television.  For your $2,500 purchase, you would have ended up paying a total of $8,397 by the time it’s all said and done and $5,897 of that would have been in interest payments.

And did you know that most of us have been brainwashed (literally) into using credit as a regular part of our lives?  There are psychologists who have worked with corporations and advertising firms for decades to help them understand the best way to tap into the emotions of an individual to get them to forgot reason and to satisfy their “wants” immediately.  We’ve been taught to require instant gratification.

So how do we hop off this rotating hamster wheel?  The first five steps in this plan to create a recession-proof household is a good start.  And this sixth step requires learning to live below your means.  Rejecting the version of the American Dream that involves living in debt, as a slave to the lender.  Creating an American Dream for your family, or just returning to the original dream that involved life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness…and freedom.

Taking your life back from creditors can be tough, depending on how long you’ve been living a “charged up” lifestyle.  But it’s absolutely possible and it can begin today.  But as we discussed in Step One, Two, and Three of this plan, it involves having the right mindset.  Being more concerned about your family’s happiness and freedom than image or what other’s might say or think about you.

The best way to not participate in a recession is to take away the ability of other’s to control any portion of your life.  Think about it this way.  Do you think people who were living below their means when the recession began, weren’t using credit cards or any form of credit, have been debilitated by this recession?  They may have been affected, as that is normal when you’re living in a society that’s ailing, but has it altered their entire life?  Has it turned it upside down?

Begin tightening up your belt today.  As I mentioned yesterday, tracking your expenses and determining an allowance based on needs vs. wants is a good place to start.  Beginning to live below your means builds upon that.  And if those two principles aren’t enough to get you off that hamster wheel, “Sell!  Sell!  Sell!” 

On Friday, we’ll be talking about giving up some stuff.  Are you still holding on to things that could free you if you’d simply let them go?  I hope you’ve already made the decision to stop participating in this bad economy and I’m determined to help you, your marriage and your household become Recession-Proof.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Comments: With more than 15,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

 

 


 

[i]Sources for the history of the American Dream include: Library of Congress.  American Memory.  “What is the American Dream?, “Rethinking the American Dream,” a Vanity Fair article by David Kamp, The Virtues of Liberalism by James T. Kloppenberg, and Wikipedia.org.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are snarky, offensive, or off-topic. If in doubt, read My Comment Policy
  • Kristen Grills

    The new website looks great! (and who doesn’t love a good giveaway, right?!) Praying that all of this excitement generates excitement for marriages above all else. Way to do, Fawn (and team).

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn

      What a sweetheart you are, Kristen! Still tweaking the site…we definitely went live before everything was done (but such is life :) ). Appreciate you hanging with us today.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thank you so much, Kristen!! Thought I responded to this earlier…but alas I didn’t.

  • Jeanne

    Do we enter on each blog or just one time? Thanks for the wonderful giveaway! My husband and I need to get away together!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Hi Jeanne, Just one time is perfect :) . And it’s our pleasure!

  • http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

    Well, I haven’t “officially” joined until now. Now I’m a part of the club—officially! ;)

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn

      Yeah!! I can’t believe you hadn’t joined until today, Christin! Well, welcome officially to the club :) .

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver

      I can’t believe you never joined officially, Christin! Well, welcome to the club (better late than never :) ).

  • http://www.facebook.com/AnjieYoung Anjanette Young

    I remember the beginning Fawn and I have always loved what you are doing. Happy Wives Club is a wonderful site. Anjanette @MommaYoung, celebrating year 24 this December…

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      I remember when you first began following and encouraging us. Thank you so much, Anjanette! It’s women like you that kept us going even when we got tired…

  • Lori@encourageyourspouse

    How awesome – thanks for the opportunity to link up and connect. It great to also be able to leave a comment here! ;-)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Lori! Isn’t it great to finally have comments?! That was one of the main reasons we moved from Squarespace to WordPress was because the commenting system on Squarespace is so bad (which is why we didn’t use them). Thanks for visiting, and linking up, and commenting. You rock, Lori!

  • http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

    My husband is a pastor. He was very shy as a child. He doesn’t have to force himself to care about people or love people, he loves them just like you do. But he, too, has to work at being more outgoing and talking with people, so he can get exhausted too. Fortunately he’s interesed in people just as you are so that helps!

    I am more outgoing than he is so I think we make a great team, lol! :)

    Thank you for the giveaway (Disney all the way,baby!!!!) and thank you for hosting toay! I am so glad I got your email because I didn’t know you’d moved it. So I went ahead and linked up Have a lovely day, my friend! :)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Nan! So happy I emailed you, as well. Yes, I’m alot like your husband and I’m grateful I had a husband who said, “Hey Babe, do you know how you’re perceived when you shrink off into a corner in the middle of an event?” I never even realized (or thought about) that. But once he said it, I began working on it because it’s so important to me that people see nothing but love from all I say and do. Sounds like that’s your husband’s story, as well… Thanks for linking up, Nan.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kellywsmith Kelly Smith

    Love your heart, Fawn! And I am so thankful to have a hubby who’s a blessing too. I went through a long battle with health issues and so I can relate to what you’re saying about making some substantial changes to my diet as a result. I just want to encourage you that you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel getting soy out of your diet (as well as all those highly processed foods you mentioned) and moving toward more healthy whole foods. What a blessing that you have a great encourager right there with you as you start this journey! And there are so many real foodies out there more than willing to help you (smile)!! xoxo, Kelly

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Kelly! I am certainly encouraged. I told Keith, “Well, you’ll be married to a lean and fit woman your entire life because I can’t eat anything!” LOL! Much love.

  • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

    My sympathies on your allergies. My Keith has had them the whole time we’ve been together (non-food, recently lactose intolerant), and about a year ago he was diagnosed as highly gluten intolerant. It’s been a big change in the house, but he’s been a good sport about it, especially since he has felt so much better since going gluten free.

    My Keith has made me laugh innumerable times in our marriage. Although I can’t recount a particular one off the top of my head, he has saved my sanity often with his caring and quick wit.

    Halleluja for hubbies!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Kim, your hubby’s name is Keith too?! I now know three bloggers who adore their Keith’s: you, Sheila Wray Gregoire (Love, Honor & Vacuum) and Courtney Joseph (Women Living Well). What are the chances? On a side note, I was praying I didn’t have a gluten allergy. That would have made it SOOOO tricky.

      • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

        Ha ha! We shall be the mini Happy Wives of Keith Club! :-)

  • Andrea W

    Happy Friday! I l like old school….Anne Meara & Ben Stiller…married since 1954!! I love them!! Of course, Denzel & Pauletta Washington.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Since 1954? How old is Ben Stiller?!? Are you sure?

  • http://twitter.com/ColleenLeslieT Colleen Thompson

    Hey Fawn and Mai,

    First, I want to thank you for leaving me a message that this link up had moved. I have missed a couple of weeks and wouldn’t have found you back so fast if not for your effort to let me know.

    Secondly, I’m wondering if there is a way that I can fix the pic that I used for my link today for the Monday Morning Bragging Wife. If not, I won’t die. But it’s a little low-res, no? ;)

    Thanks again for the great work you do at Happy Wives Club.

    Colleen

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Yeah! So happy. Send me the pic you want to use to fawn(at)happywivesclub(dot)com and I’ll get it changed out for you :) .

  • http://twitter.com/ColleenLeslieT Colleen Thompson

    Great words of wisdom about taking ‘me time’, Fawn. I assure you that I wholeheartedly agree! When I am consistent about taking time to for myself, I notice a VAST difference in how my days go.

    With our family schedule, I find the only me time I can carve out is before everyone gets up. 6 a.m. is the magic hour. And, despite often being out late for work – like 1 a.m. – I’m seeing that my days still go better when I get up early to pray, ponder, read my Bible and read whatever leadership, relationship or people skills book is on the lesson plan at the moment.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thank you, Colleen! Today was the first day I slooooowed down and set aside some “me” time and it’s made a world of difference. I decided today I wouldn’t talk about how busy I am or how there isn’t enough time in the day and would simply focus on maximizing the time I’ve got and I can’t even begin to tell you how all of a sudden I have enough time in the day to do what needs to be done. Our words are so powerful (and so is “me” time :) ).

    • http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill

      Colleen, have you already read the book?! You are naming the chapters — ponder and pray!

  • Lori @ Encourage Your Spouse

    What’s the latest lesson I’ve been learning about prioritizing life? That I MUST make time to nurture friendships. The days can just slip by, and the “let’s get coffee together someday” never happens, unless it’s on the calendar. Having positive friendships also enriches my relationship with my hubby because everything I learn and experience I can bring back to our marriage so he can benefit also.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Sounds like you and I are learning the same lesson. Isn’t it amazing how “let’s get coffee someday” turns into 3 months later. So sad. As you learn how to carve out the time, please share your success with me :) .

    • http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill

      In the book I have many confessions of mistakes and one of them was not doing this very thing! Last night I had many friends over to honor the way they have impacted my parenting with wisdom and supported me during the writing of the book–friends are a treasure.

  • Andrea W.

    Happy Wednesday! I’m happy I learned this lesson years ago! Open to learning more.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks for stopping by, Andrea! So happy you learned this lesson years ago too. Years ahead of me :) .

  • Cam | Bibs & Baubles

    This post was so on time. My mother just told me this week that if I’m too busy to do what I need to do, I’m busier than God ever intended for me to be. It struck a cord because between our children and our careers, my husband and I can be like two ships passing in the night some days. I’m a believer in the power of words too. This whole “busy” thing can, scratch that WILL be fixed. Power in words, indeed.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Sounds like you are in the same place I was at on Monday. The good news is just that simply mindset change and the words to follow it can change everything – in an instant! So tell your Mom, you’ve fixed it :) .

    • http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill

      I am smiling with your choice of words “two ships that pass in the night” Our pre-marital counselor used those very words to describe us years ago! It was a big warning to us that we were both busy types and need to focus on each other.

  • GreatPeaceAcademy

    I can’t say that I’ve thought of it in those terms. My spouse of 20 years and I try to connect daily, touch base if you will. We try to weekly have a discussion about what’s going on, we mostly talk in the car while travelling here and there. We do however, carve out once a month date time. Without Fail. It’s important to focus on just us.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      That consistency -even once a month- makes a world of difference, doesn’t it?

  • http://twitter.com/ButterflySmilez Terra Newsome

    As a busy mother of 5 (ages 17,15,14.13 and 11) and wife of 18.5yrs, it takes EFFORT to keep our marriage flowing. In the busier years as a SAHM and a wife of an Army solider, my time was consumed by the kids yet as Christ Jesus being our foundation, we made what time we had possible and kept our priorities focused while prayerful throughout our journey as a couple and parents. Now that the kids are older, we talk often throughout the day and schedule lunch and/or weekend dates. I really look forward to these times…. even if it’s just mini phone calls from him while he’s at work just to say “Hello” or a text saying “I love you”. My husband still gives me butterflies!!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Oh, the mini phone calls and texts are the best, aren’t they? Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to post a comment, Terra!

    • http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill

      Your love for your husband is precious! And small points of communication are a gift of technology today–it is so easy just to text and call anytime, anywhere. We have a family group text and pictures and words pop up all day for the all of us to see–fun!

  • Andrea W.

    Happy Wednesday! Yes I have heard this myth, but REFUSE to buy n2 it! Hubbie won’t allow it! Thank goodness 4 that! Small love gestures become BIG rewards! As Florida Evans usta say about James……HAVE MERCY! =)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Good for hubby! Yes, those small gestures reap HUGE rewards!

  • Whitney

    I’ve only been married a couple years…and we have a toddler so it really makes it difficult to focus on each other or even have an adult conversation. But we have become really involved with our church and we attend a young married couples Sunday School class where EVERYONE has the same problems that we do. It has truly been a blessing to find a church family! It really does make a difference when something is on your mind, or you have an argument and every couple in the room agrees or laughs because they feel the same way! I guess what I’m getting at is that the small, petty problems that you are having in your marriage are the same ones everyone else has so don’t sweat the small stuff!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Yes, yes, yes! Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s all small stuff :) .

    • http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill

      It is hard because small stuff can become habits but yes, you have to let it go and focus on what is important. And so wise of you to find a Sunday School group that you can be transparent with as a compass for what is “normal” in marriage. I am sure it really helps maintain realistic expectations!

  • http://twitter.com/TheMommyMess Adrienne Bolton

    Great ideas!!! I’m pinning! I found your blog from Kim at Too Darn Happy. ;)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Love, Kim!! Thank you so much, Adrienne!

  • Shannah at Just Us Four

    The new site looks awesome and I love the ability to comment!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Yeah! And I really love the ability to comment back to you :) .

  • http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

    Great post! Unfortunately it’s easy for hubby to get lost in the kid shuffle and the relationship put on the back burner until the kids are grown if we aren’t careful to nourish and guard it. And if we don’t guard it, what relationship wll we have left?

    Thanks for hosting today! :)

    • http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

      O.k so I feel the need to tell you that I DO know how to spell “will.” Lol! ;)

      • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

        LOL! Too Funny :) .

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Not much of a relationship at all, Nan. You are so right!

    • http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill

      Nan, I have done this exact thing thousands of times — Mark is much better at maintaining the focus on our marriage.

  • Lucille Williams

    Fawn, I love this! Amen & Amen! The best line for me was “fat bank account and a skinny relationship.” That said it all! Great post!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Lucille! Did you already link up? I look forward to reading your post :) .

  • http://www.messymarriage.com/ Beth Steffaniak

    I agree 100%, Fawn! I think this is a perfect way to say it and demonstrate it. In fact, I’m going to take your lead and “lean in on my husband” now! Thanks for the encouragement.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Love this! Thanks for stopping my, Beth, and taking the time to comment.

  • Ferly Tangonan

    This is a great post and I totally agree with you. This morning I gave up probably an hour of sleep to make my husband a sandwich to take with him to work. I did this not because he asked me to {he didn’t}, but I wanted to show adoration to my husband for getting up early everyday and taking the full responsibility of providing for our family. I could tell he appreciated me being up with him. It was worth losing an hour of sleep today.

    ~ Ferly
    Gifts We Use {to grow, love and serve}

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Sounds like the best thing you could have possibly done with that hour. Good on you! <3

  • Donna

    I love the post on the benefits of making love a priority. I understand with jobs & small kids it’s hard to juggle the time & exhaustion element. I find by talking to friends, most women have NO DESIRE ! I find that sad since God gave us the GIFT of sex ! It was his idea & I find it the best gift ever ! Yes, my sons are now grown & I am now married 14 years to the MAN of my dreams in every category ! So intimacy is extremely important to us & we know what we don’t want in our relationship based on past mistakes with our exes. We never look at sex as a chore EVER ! We view it as a pleasure & time to bond & connect. My husband has worked overseas the past 5 years & we are only together twice a year for 30 days. THAT will definitely give you a new perspective. Our bucket list once he is home for good is 1 YEAR ( 365 days) of love making.
    And we know with our strong love & commitment it’s 100% possible ! For women who have lost their libido, they need to get it back for the sake of their marriage & partner ! God says we are to submit to our husbands. What greater gift to give them, then our love & intimacy in the bedroom.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Donna, for your response! As Sheila mentioned here, enjoying the process of making love is so beneficial for both husband and wife and exploring with your partner what feels best and when can be tricky (if only we could all take classes on this :) ). Over the years, our bodies change so much and keeping up with that can be tough. But those who make it a priority can enjoy it for as long as our bodies will allow it (woohoo to that!!).

  • http://www.joleneengle.org/ Jolene @ The Alabaster Jar

    I’m my man’s biggest cheerleader and I’m glad for that high position of honor! We’re one flesh and we’re constantly encouraging one another. Thanks for sharing, Trisha!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      I hear you, Jolene! I’m the exact same way. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. Appreciate you!

  • Nan

    For some reason it won’t let me leave a comment on your individual post but it WILL let me leave one here!
    Awesome post. Over the years I have (hopefully) learned how to allow my husband to talk without shutting him down with my initial “That’s impossible” or “You can’t be serious” reaction, lol!
    I remember before he became a pastor he came to me stating that he wanted to go into the ministry. He was terrified of my reaction because when we were dating I stated that I never wanted to be a pastor’s wife. Never. Did I mention never? ;)
    God speaks through our husbands and definitely though mine because sometimes I am so caught up in details and deadlines and cleaning house, etc., that I forget to have fun and I forget to dream a little!
    Thanks so much for your post, Tricia, and for hosting today, Fawn!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Nan! I tried to reply to this last night but our Disqus system went a little whacko for a few hours. My programmer is working on figuring out this issue. Thanks for alerting me!

  • Tyson Cooper

    This is great advice Tricia, thank you for sharing. I agree entirely. As my wife supports me in achieving my dreams my desire to support and encourage her in her dreams increases dramatically. And you’re right, if she questions or doubts an idea that I have immediately I begin to focus on what is wrong with it and how it will probably fail. Thankfully, I have a fantastic wife who is probably far more supportive than she should be. :)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Sounds like you have an awesome wife, Tyson…and you’re incredibly grateful. That’s a good thing for sure!

  • Tonya@ The Dieter’s Academy

    This the best marriage advice I have heard in a long time! I think more marriages would be successful if spouses focused on positive uplifting attitudes and actions, as opposed to zooming in on the little things that aren’t going as planned. I love the idea of dreaming and supporting our spouses in their dreams. Like Tricia said – when we do, everybody wins!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Absolutely! Everybody wins.

  • Ferly Tangonan

    I love your perspective on this! I have learned that every interruption is divine, so seeing them from that point of view helps to find the immediate beauty in an otherwise inconvenient situation. Great post!

    ~ Ferly
    Gifts We Use {to grow, love and serve}

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      So true, Ferly! It’s all divine.

  • LeAnn Williams

    I loved this one. You have a great perspective. You also have a loyal dedicated husband who is like mine; he will go to work until he feels like dieing. I love thought the thoughts on serving others and your husband should be the on the top of that list.
    Blessings!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      You are absolutely right! Hubby should be at the top of the list. <3

  • Shannah at Just Us Four

    I think this is so important to remember. It is way to easy to focus on the inconvenience or downside to an unexpected change. Great points on how important it is to keep perspective.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Shannah! And thank you for taking the time to comment :) .

  • jn107691

    I just found your site. Thank you for all the input you provide. I have been trying to be a good wife to my husband. He also is self sufficient. I like the suggestions here. We usually only hear and see the negative. I have tried to be a positive impact with my husband but it difficult at times. It is so nice to see positive thinking about being married, especially after 25 years.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thank you so much for your comment! You are so right that we almost see, hear and breathe negativity when it comes to marriage. But you and I (and the women of this club) can change that :) .

  • Tyson Cooper

    Fawn you are so right. Happiness is a choice and thankfully it is not governed by genetics. My grandparents divorced but my parents are happily married and will be celebrating their 30th anniversary this June. However, my sister and her husband really struggle. I believe it is important to include God in our marriages and have found that as my wife and I do it is easier to be happy. We are grateful each day for a strong marriage and we focus on ensuring it stays strong.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Yes! And you hit the nail on the head. Even with God as the center (as He is in our marriage, as well), happiness is impossible without genuine gratitude.

  • http://www.messymarriage.com/ Beth Steffaniak

    You were right, Fawn. For some reason, using the Google Chrome browser allows me to see and comment directly on your post. I’ll have to remember that next time. :)

    And I love this idea. I use my notepad app for a lot of things and this is a great list to create and continue to add to. I love having the ease of my phone (which is almost always with me) to record important things that I need to remember. And I’m certain that remembering all throughout my day just how my husband has blessed me will improve my attitude and gratitude toward him. Thanks so much!

    • http://www.messymarriage.com/ Beth Steffaniak

      Welp, i take that back. It appears to have moved me to your comment policy page. Oh well. I hope it encourages you anyway!

      • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

        You’re not on the Comments Policy page, Beth. You’re on the home page :) . The comments policy is always written along the top. My programmer is now trying all the different browsers to see which are having the problem and we’re crossing our fingers that Disqus already knows and is working on it.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Beth! It was amazing how many things I began to see when I took the time to look for them. I hope this exercise will really touch you and your marriage. <3

  • paula

    I have been learning this lesson lately as well. Contentment does not mean that you don’t want anything else! it just means you are choosing to be happy where you are. There is a lot that I want (and that would make my life SO much easier) but I’m learning to be truly happy. :)

    Thanks for sharing this great reminder that is applicable to all parts of life! :)

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn Weaver

      Ditto, Paula! I know exactly what you mean :) .

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Paula. You are so right. It’s definitely applicable to all parts of life.

  • Debi – The Romantic Vineyard

    Fawn, I love this!!! Congratulations on your first decade of marriage. And what a great memory you made. You made a beautiful bride!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thank you, Debi! I truly appreciate it.

  • Elizabeth Ours

    Wow! So sweet! You are So BEAUTIFUL! What a gorgeous wedding dress! Thanks for letting us have a peek into your special day together!! And Happy Anniversary!!!! ;)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thank you, Elizabeth!

  • http://www.facebook.com/bridget.cook.98 Bridget Cook

    I loved the surprise vow renewal for guests! All I could do was smile as I was reading and thinking about your guest’s reactions. You two look great together-beautiful and oh so sneaky :P

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      I wish I could have seen the guest’s reaction too! I hear it was pretty fantastic :) .

  • Andrea W.

    WOW!! BREATHTAKING!!! HAPPY 10 YEARS 2GETHER and many, many, upon many more years 2gether!! praise JESUS!!!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Andrea!

  • Cindy – Marriage Missions

    What a beautiful testimony of love! We’re so blessed to be able to celebrate with you on a decade of love and promises well-kept! May God continue to shine His blessing upon your marriage as you join with Him in being His colleagues in displaying and giving love to each other. We celebrate with you! May your love and commitment cause others to see the Love of Christ in action so many will want to know our God better.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Oh, thank you Cindy!

  • paula

    congrats on your renewal!!! :) looks like a beautiful day <3

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thank you so much, Paula!

  • GreatPeaceAcademy

    Congratulations! What an awesome way to spend your anniversary! I love that you surprised your guests because it made it more about the two of you sharing your love than about their expectations for the day. :)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      You can say that again! My hubby and I were just talking about that. Others expectations will completely rob you of your happiness if you don’t guard yourself from that. And this is the very reason we decided to do it this way (and SO happy we did :) ).

  • http://twitter.com/RhiannonSTR Rhiannon Strobel

    Absolutely happiness and love are a choice that can be made every single day! I love your empowering, positive and loving posts! Thank you again :)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thanks, Rhiannon! Comments like yours encourage us so much.

  • Andrea W

    Happy Friday! Printing the list right now! This is exciting! Have a fun & safe Memorial Day weekend!!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Same to you, Andrea!

  • Lori

    Thanks so much for sharing A Year of Questions with your gals. Blessings, Lori <

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Thank YOU! This is so wonderful.

  • ArlenePellicane

    Thank you so much Lori & Fawn! Printing the questions now – perfect for the summertime at meals! :)

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Yeah! So happy you like it :) .

  • Hannah B

    THANK YOU! I’ve been wanting to make something like this!!

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Yeah!! So happy you’re going to benefit from this, Hannah.

  • http://twitter.com/RhiannonSTR Rhiannon Strobel

    I LOVE this: “Never argue over things that will not matter in the last five minutes of your life”

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Isn’t that a great reminder, Rhiannon!

  • Lauren Lawson

    This seriously made me tear up when i read it yesterday. I’m so sorry for your families loss. I LOVE that your mom has that peace to carry with her… words have power.

    • http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢

      Lauren, you are such a sweetheart. So honored you take the time to read HWC and I love it every time you link up so I can enjoy Aunt La La!

  • SistersRaiseSisters

    This is our first time to join the link up! Excited to be here and share our post about Love Languages. Found you through Moms the Word. – Penny Lane @ SistersRaisingSisters.com

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver

      Awesome. Looking forward to reading your post!

  • Still DatingMySpouse

    I don’t know how I been missing Marriage Monday…..Thanks for allowing me to link up my blog post! Look forward to visiting the blogs!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver

      Yeah! So happy you found us again for Marriage Mondays :) .

  • Angie @ The Dating Divas

    Happy Monday! Have a great week and thank you for hosting! ~ Angie @ The Dating Divas

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver

      Thanks for always joining us, Angie! We find so many fabulous tips over at TheDatingDivas.com!

  • Kimberly Green

    We take advantage of any Lunch date opportunities while kids are at school. No babysitter- cheaper menu.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver

      Oh, that’s a great idea, Kimberly! That is definitely one to add to this list.

  • Lisa

    Just found this blog! Looks great! I love the Date Nights Cheap. We all need date nights, and we’re all strapped, so this post is excellent!

    By the way, I accidentally wrote the title of my blog as my name, instead of 8 Ways to be Your Husband’s Best Friend! Oops…

    Thanks again for hosting!

    Lisa
    http://Www.thecourageousjourney.com

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver

      So nice to meet you, Lisa! Happy you found us :) . No worries on your link up title. We can get that changed for you :) .

  • Andrea W

    Happy June & Happy Monday!!! At my church,, I have signed my hubbie & I up 4 an all day tourist excursion! It is to a famous tourist spot. I am excited because 4 the low cost of $50, we can spend the entire day together, ride the bus as someone else does the driving, & enjoy each others company! The $50 cost would be gas alone if we were driving to the same spot. Snacks R included N the cost of the all day excursion!!! I can’t wait for my date-DAY with hubbie!!! N-joy HIS day!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver

      That sounds like a pretty amazing deal! Is this something your church put together or something through a tour company that is partnering with your church?

      • Andrea W.

        The church put the trip together. We will arrive to the church to catch the bus at 6:45 a.m. & return to the church @ 6:30 p.m. Of course, I will take X-tra food so hubbie & I can have an outdoor picnic & just enjoy the grounds as much as we can. I may take my 365 questions from your previous posting & discuss some of the questions thruout the day! We actually discussed 3 of the questions last nite. Pretty good discussion! Keep up the tremendous work, Fawn!!!

  • http://www.onepartjoyonepartcircus.com/ AJ Collins

    Great post! We are also strapped financially, so this is perfect timing! We like to eat at an inexpensive restaurant and wander through a book-store together.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver

      Oh, the book store thing is a great idea because it can spark great dreams together.

  • Pam@mommacan.com

    Love this post! I just texted my husband…. : )

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Woohoo! He’s going to LOVE that!

  • Fina

    LOL you have just converted me to an “over girl” LOL Have a great day!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Woohoo! Now, we’re talkin! :) Make it a beautiful weekend, Fina.

  • Lisa

    This is so good! Do great minds think alike, or what? My post this week is on exercise and eating right, and how it makes the marriage sizzle!

    I can relate to your words that “some of the noises my body makes while we are having sex are definitely NOT the erotic kind!” Funny, but not funny!

    Keep up the great posts!

    Lisa
    http://www.thecourageousjourney.com

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Isn’t that the truth, Lisa! “Funny, but not funny!” :)

  • Tom and Debi Walter

    Fawn, We’ve had a similar group for the past 8 years. We’ve called it the Passport Dinner Club. I made a passport for each couple and we would stamp the page when we visited different countries. We did it so long that we ended up adding regions of the USA to our list of choices. The club has since ended, but we’re looking to start up again with another group of friends. I’m still so amazed you were able to travel the world last year. What an amazing opportunity!

    • Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      That seems like SO much fun!

  • Lisa Raub

    For me, I guess reading great blogs and good books has been the salvation of my marriage! God has been so good!

    My Beloved and I go out every other week (which is not often enough for either of us, but it’s what we can do right now) and I know that helps a lot too!

    Lisa

  • Lynn

    Thank you for hosting this blog hop! I look forward to reading the articles.

    Lynn (Living Free in Christ)

  • Lena Middleton

    These five points are very valuable and significant. I
    personally feel that it does not only improve the relationship but will create
    a good environment for the next generation.

    http://riversidecounty.wordpress.com/

  • Fougies

    Best anniversary gift I ga e my husband was a voucher to get our first professional photo done he’s been wanting and waiting took awhile to pay it off but finally got it done and he cherishes it.

  • Cindy H.

    Hello Fawn, A group of women from a few of our local churhes are doing “The Husband Project” 21 days of loving Your Man on Purpose and with a Plan by Kathi Lipp. I found your site online by googling ideas on loving your husband. I shared your site with the rest of the ladies yesterday when I found it so they can get the certificate for their hubby too. I look forward to reading more on here!

  • TrulyWed Wives

    We’re excited, getting our Philly Wives ready!

  • Kirstin Fuller

    Fabulous ideas… Love them all! Thanks Christine!

  • http://www.aterriblehusband.com/about/ ATerribleHusband

    Awesome post! I usually text or send a silly selfie to my wife of me smiling or giving a thumbs up message. But I need to get “religious committed” to it. It’s been a few times per week. Love the ideas in the comments too!

  • JWilliamson

    I have just join the group I am really excited to add more to my marriage. Hope to hear from you ladies.

  • spope

    What a great ‘club’ to be a part of! I often hear people say couples that don’t fight don’t make it – I think that’s a load of balony personally. My husband and I have had exactly two fights in our relationship of over 18 years, and both times a little too much alcohol impared our judgement. We’ve not fought in our entire marriage of 13 years. Glad to hear there are other believers out there!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn Weaver

      So happy you found us here! Thank you.

    • LL

      Thats amazing! How do you do it? I feel like My husband and I bicker every day about something. What is your secret?

      • spope

        Watching my mothers five unhappy and unsuccessful marriages has taught me what NOT to do; everything is worth a fight to her. So, everytime I get annoyed and feel like sniping at him I ask myself ‘Is this worth getting divorced over?’ the answer is always no. Of course, it helps that we don’t have some of the normal marital stressors (we’ve chosen to be childfree, and have no financial issues) :)

        • C&R

          My fiance and I have been living together for two years now. We have not fought yet. A couple of disagreements, but that’s about it, nothing major. I think it’s a good thing. I do think about when we do have a big fight, on how we’re going to deal with it. Just saying ….

  • NikkiOpdycke

    We

  • NikkiOpdycke

    We have a daily ritual of “coffee time” every morning. We sit together and chat and enjoy each other’s company. It really keeps us connected.

  • Julz Yang

    You’re absolutely right. I don’t even know why I browse FB so much when there’s really nothing of interest going on. Such a terrible-terrible habbit that needs to be broken. Ugh. It’s not even so much that I need to spend more time with *him* because he’s at the office late into the night anyway, but I could really use that time to do more productive things. Maybe I need to go on a 21-day FB fast? :D

  • CS & RG

    Love this site. Not married yet, but engaged to be married. Thanks for all the helpful tips.

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