6 Unexpected Secrets to a Healthy Marriage

By Tyler Ward on Monday, July 7, 2014

I don’t know what’s going on around here but this is the third post from a man in the past month.

We’ve not had three posts written by men since this site’s inception but recently there’s been an explosion and I’m grateful for it! It’s beautiful reading the wisdom of our other halves, don’t you think?

This post by author and researcher, Tyler Ward, put his assumptions about marriage to the test and came out a clear winner.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

__________

It didn’t take me long after getting married to realize that I had no idea how to be married.

The deeper into this unique relationship I got, the more grossly obvious it became that I had brought several misguided ideas and bloated expectations into my marriage. So, I started over.

Over a period of 4 years, I put my—and my cultures—most basic assumptions about modern marriage to the test. I interviewed over a dozen experts, consumed 20+ books, and ran experiments in my own marriage with several of the unorthodox pieces of advice I came across.

In the end, six things stood out to me. They aren’t necessarily all new or revolutionary ideas, but they certainly come packed with marriage-altering implications.

Here are six of my favorite unexpected secrets to a healthy marriage.

1. Happily ever after is a perk—not the point.

Though being happy is a very real by-product of a healthy relationship, the modern value we put on personal fulfillment is so inflated, it’s causing us to miss one of the more beautiful purposes of marriage. The ancient Hebrew culture, on the other hand, didn’t seem to miss this purpose. The language even highlights and unpacks this ideal for us.

In ancient Hebrew, the word used for marriage actually means “Fire.” And not-so-coincidentally, fire is also the element used throughout ancient Hebrew culture to represent personal reformation.

In this light, marriage, and its necessary—but often unhappy—friction, is seen less as a doorway to happily ever after and more as a tool in divine hands to help us become increasingly beautiful — increasingly our best and brightest selves.

2. Good consumers make bad lovers.

Again, the ancient Hebrew word for love — ahava — has little to do with what one feels or receives. To the contrary — ahava — is actually a verb that means “I give.”

Love is not the fleeting butterflies we get when looking into the eyes of our significant other. It’s not something we fall into when dating. It’s far simpler — and far wilder — than all of that. Love is the big or small, mundane—but generous — choices to give to our spouse. And as we begin to orient ourselves to this brand of love that requires us to show up continually, we’re sure to discover the beautiful paradox that it is.

3. Marriage isn’t just a choice.

“I do.”

With those words, we choose to embark on a journey to learn how to give, to value, and to care for another human as much as we do ourselves. But marriage isn’t just a choice we make on our wedding day. It’s a choice we make everyday.

A good friend says it this way, “Marriage isn’t something we accomplished the day we said I do. It is an ongoing action of marrying our individual lives—with all of our thoughts, responses, fears, and strengths—together.”

**4. Marriage is designed for priority numero uno.**

One of the most useful tips I’ve been given on marriage comes from a rabbi when he says, “All of your problems (financial, relational, marital…etc) are because your marriage isn’t your highest priority (this is not considering the relationship to the Divine). The gains that a spouse will feel on both a spiritual and MATERIAL level defy description, once they make their marriage first place.”

For 31 days, I intentionally put my wife first over everything else, and then I tracked how it worked. I created a metric for these purposes, to mark our relationship as priority, and then to track my effectiveness in all other areas of my life on the same scale.

To my surprise, a month later, I had a chart of data and a handful of ironic experiences to prove that the more you give to marriage, the more it gives back.

5. Your spouse isn’t the problem. You are.

It took me an inappropriate amount of time (and an absurd number of yelling matches) to see my wife’s “issues” were actually just a reflection of much deeper brokenness in me.

This is the phenomenon Solomon of the Bible alludes to when he says, “As in water, face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects man.” Or the truth of what rabbi Shalom Arush is pointing at when he says,

“You didn’t get married to correct your spouse. You got married to be corrected, by using your spouse as a mirror.”

6. Love is a journey—not a free fall.

Many of us think we meet someone, date, fall in love and then get married. We then expect to reap the rewards of love immediately—and inevitably learn that true love isn’t, in fact, something we fall into. This state of “Love” (and all of its benefits) is developed over years of learning to relate to one another — it’s a journey.

These benefits are very real perks of love, but we certainly don’t simply fall into them. Why? Because trust requires trust-building circumstances over time, true companionship comes from years of conversation, and romance—well, the kind of romance that doesn’t fade only comes from being intentional over the long haul.

These six things aren’t formulas—mostly because marriage doesn’t play by the same set of rules most things in our lives do. However, the implications of internalizing these six ideas and finding a unique expression of them in our marriage has been significant for my wife and me—as I hope they are for you too.

Tyler Ward recently released “Marriage Rebranded: Modern Misconceptions & the Unnatural Art of Loving Another Person,” where he explores more modern myths about marriage, tells awkward stories, and offers unorthodox best practices that are sure to help anyone write a better marital narrative for themselves. Order it now. Or watch the book trailer here.

34 Comments

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are snarky, offensive, or off-topic. If in doubt, read My Comment Policy

Kristen Grills

The new website looks great! (and who doesn’t love a good giveaway, right?!) Praying that all of this excitement generates excitement for marriages above all else. Way to do, Fawn (and team).
- http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn
  
  What a sweetheart you are, Kristen! Still tweaking the site…we definitely went live before everything was done (but such is life ). Appreciate you hanging with us today.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thank you so much, Kristen!! Thought I responded to this earlier…but alas I didn’t.
Jeanne

Do we enter on each blog or just one time? Thanks for the wonderful giveaway! My husband and I need to get away together!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Hi Jeanne, Just one time is perfect . And it’s our pleasure!
http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

Well, I haven’t “officially” joined until now. Now I’m a part of the club—officially!
- http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn
  
  Yeah!! I can’t believe you hadn’t joined until today, Christin! Well, welcome officially to the club .
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver
  
  I can’t believe you never joined officially, Christin! Well, welcome to the club (better late than never ).
http://www.facebook.com/AnjieYoung Anjanette Young

I remember the beginning Fawn and I have always loved what you are doing. Happy Wives Club is a wonderful site. Anjanette @MommaYoung, celebrating year 24 this December…
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  I remember when you first began following and encouraging us. Thank you so much, Anjanette! It’s women like you that kept us going even when we got tired…
Lori@encourageyourspouse

How awesome – thanks for the opportunity to link up and connect. It great to also be able to leave a comment here!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Lori! Isn’t it great to finally have comments?! That was one of the main reasons we moved from Squarespace to WordPress was because the commenting system on Squarespace is so bad (which is why we didn’t use them). Thanks for visiting, and linking up, and commenting. You rock, Lori!
http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

My husband is a pastor. He was very shy as a child. He doesn’t have to force himself to care about people or love people, he loves them just like you do. But he, too, has to work at being more outgoing and talking with people, so he can get exhausted too. Fortunately he’s interesed in people just as you are so that helps!

I am more outgoing than he is so I think we make a great team, lol!

Thank you for the giveaway (Disney all the way,baby!!!!) and thank you for hosting toay! I am so glad I got your email because I didn’t know you’d moved it. So I went ahead and linked up Have a lovely day, my friend!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Nan! So happy I emailed you, as well. Yes, I’m alot like your husband and I’m grateful I had a husband who said, “Hey Babe, do you know how you’re perceived when you shrink off into a corner in the middle of an event?” I never even realized (or thought about) that. But once he said it, I began working on it because it’s so important to me that people see nothing but love from all I say and do. Sounds like that’s your husband’s story, as well… Thanks for linking up, Nan.
http://www.facebook.com/kellywsmith Kelly Smith

Love your heart, Fawn! And I am so thankful to have a hubby who’s a blessing too. I went through a long battle with health issues and so I can relate to what you’re saying about making some substantial changes to my diet as a result. I just want to encourage you that you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel getting soy out of your diet (as well as all those highly processed foods you mentioned) and moving toward more healthy whole foods. What a blessing that you have a great encourager right there with you as you start this journey! And there are so many real foodies out there more than willing to help you (smile)!! xoxo, Kelly
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Kelly! I am certainly encouraged. I told Keith, “Well, you’ll be married to a lean and fit woman your entire life because I can’t eat anything!” LOL! Much love.
http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

My sympathies on your allergies. My Keith has had them the whole time we’ve been together (non-food, recently lactose intolerant), and about a year ago he was diagnosed as highly gluten intolerant. It’s been a big change in the house, but he’s been a good sport about it, especially since he has felt so much better since going gluten free.

My Keith has made me laugh innumerable times in our marriage. Although I can’t recount a particular one off the top of my head, he has saved my sanity often with his caring and quick wit.

Halleluja for hubbies!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Kim, your hubby’s name is Keith too?! I now know three bloggers who adore their Keith’s: you, Sheila Wray Gregoire (Love, Honor & Vacuum) and Courtney Joseph (Women Living Well). What are the chances? On a side note, I was praying I didn’t have a gluten allergy. That would have made it SOOOO tricky.
  - http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall
    
    Ha ha! We shall be the mini Happy Wives of Keith Club!
Andrea W

Happy Friday! I l like old school….Anne Meara & Ben Stiller…married since 1954!! I love them!! Of course, Denzel & Pauletta Washington.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Since 1954? How old is Ben Stiller?!? Are you sure?
http://twitter.com/ColleenLeslieT Colleen Thompson

Hey Fawn and Mai,

First, I want to thank you for leaving me a message that this link up had moved. I have missed a couple of weeks and wouldn’t have found you back so fast if not for your effort to let me know.

Secondly, I’m wondering if there is a way that I can fix the pic that I used for my link today for the Monday Morning Bragging Wife. If not, I won’t die. But it’s a little low-res, no?

Thanks again for the great work you do at Happy Wives Club.

Colleen
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Yeah! So happy. Send me the pic you want to use to fawn(at)happywivesclub(dot)com and I’ll get it changed out for you .
http://twitter.com/ColleenLeslieT Colleen Thompson

Great words of wisdom about taking ‘me time’, Fawn. I assure you that I wholeheartedly agree! When I am consistent about taking time to for myself, I notice a VAST difference in how my days go.

With our family schedule, I find the only me time I can carve out is before everyone gets up. 6 a.m. is the magic hour. And, despite often being out late for work – like 1 a.m. – I’m seeing that my days still go better when I get up early to pray, ponder, read my Bible and read whatever leadership, relationship or people skills book is on the lesson plan at the moment.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thank you, Colleen! Today was the first day I slooooowed down and set aside some “me” time and it’s made a world of difference. I decided today I wouldn’t talk about how busy I am or how there isn’t enough time in the day and would simply focus on maximizing the time I’ve got and I can’t even begin to tell you how all of a sudden I have enough time in the day to do what needs to be done. Our words are so powerful (and so is “me” time ).
- http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill
  
  Colleen, have you already read the book?! You are naming the chapters — ponder and pray!
Lori @ Encourage Your Spouse

What’s the latest lesson I’ve been learning about prioritizing life? That I MUST make time to nurture friendships. The days can just slip by, and the “let’s get coffee together someday” never happens, unless it’s on the calendar. Having positive friendships also enriches my relationship with my hubby because everything I learn and experience I can bring back to our marriage so he can benefit also.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Sounds like you and I are learning the same lesson. Isn’t it amazing how “let’s get coffee someday” turns into 3 months later. So sad. As you learn how to carve out the time, please share your success with me .
- http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill
  
  In the book I have many confessions of mistakes and one of them was not doing this very thing! Last night I had many friends over to honor the way they have impacted my parenting with wisdom and supported me during the writing of the book–friends are a treasure.
Andrea W.

Happy Wednesday! I’m happy I learned this lesson years ago! Open to learning more.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks for stopping by, Andrea! So happy you learned this lesson years ago too. Years ahead of me .
Cam | Bibs & Baubles

This post was so on time. My mother just told me this week that if I’m too busy to do what I need to do, I’m busier than God ever intended for me to be. It struck a cord because between our children and our careers, my husband and I can be like two ships passing in the night some days. I’m a believer in the power of words too. This whole “busy” thing can, scratch that WILL be fixed. Power in words, indeed.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Sounds like you are in the same place I was at on Monday. The good news is just that simply mindset change and the words to follow it can change everything – in an instant! So tell your Mom, you’ve fixed it .
- http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill
  
  I am smiling with your choice of words “two ships that pass in the night” Our pre-marital counselor used those very words to describe us years ago! It was a big warning to us that we were both busy types and need to focus on each other.
GreatPeaceAcademy

I can’t say that I’ve thought of it in those terms. My spouse of 20 years and I try to connect daily, touch base if you will. We try to weekly have a discussion about what’s going on, we mostly talk in the car while travelling here and there. We do however, carve out once a month date time. Without Fail. It’s important to focus on just us.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  That consistency -even once a month- makes a world of difference, doesn’t it?
http://twitter.com/ButterflySmilez Terra Newsome

As a busy mother of 5 (ages 17,15,14.13 and 11) and wife of 18.5yrs, it takes EFFORT to keep our marriage flowing. In the busier years as a SAHM and a wife of an Army solider, my time was consumed by the kids yet as Christ Jesus being our foundation, we made what time we had possible and kept our priorities focused while prayerful throughout our journey as a couple and parents. Now that the kids are older, we talk often throughout the day and schedule lunch and/or weekend dates. I really look forward to these times…. even if it’s just mini phone calls from him while he’s at work just to say “Hello” or a text saying “I love you”. My husband still gives me butterflies!!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Oh, the mini phone calls and texts are the best, aren’t they? Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to post a comment, Terra!
- http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill
  
  Your love for your husband is precious! And small points of communication are a gift of technology today–it is so easy just to text and call anytime, anywhere. We have a family group text and pictures and words pop up all day for the all of us to see–fun!
Andrea W.

Happy Wednesday! Yes I have heard this myth, but REFUSE to buy n2 it! Hubbie won’t allow it! Thank goodness 4 that! Small love gestures become BIG rewards! As Florida Evans usta say about James……HAVE MERCY! =)
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Good for hubby! Yes, those small gestures reap HUGE rewards!
Whitney

I’ve only been married a couple years…and we have a toddler so it really makes it difficult to focus on each other or even have an adult conversation. But we have become really involved with our church and we attend a young married couples Sunday School class where EVERYONE has the same problems that we do. It has truly been a blessing to find a church family! It really does make a difference when something is on your mind, or you have an argument and every couple in the room agrees or laughs because they feel the same way! I guess what I’m getting at is that the small, petty problems that you are having in your marriage are the same ones everyone else has so don’t sweat the small stuff!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Yes, yes, yes! Don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s all small stuff .
- http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill
  
  It is hard because small stuff can become habits but yes, you have to let it go and focus on what is important. And so wise of you to find a Sunday School group that you can be transparent with as a compass for what is “normal” in marriage. I am sure it really helps maintain realistic expectations!
http://twitter.com/TheMommyMess Adrienne Bolton

Great ideas!!! I’m pinning! I found your blog from Kim at Too Darn Happy.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Love, Kim!! Thank you so much, Adrienne!
Shannah at Just Us Four

The new site looks awesome and I love the ability to comment!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Yeah! And I really love the ability to comment back to you .
http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

Great post! Unfortunately it’s easy for hubby to get lost in the kid shuffle and the relationship put on the back burner until the kids are grown if we aren’t careful to nourish and guard it. And if we don’t guard it, what relationship wll we have left?

Thanks for hosting today!
- http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan
  
  O.k so I feel the need to tell you that I DO know how to spell “will.” Lol!
  - http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
    
    LOL! Too Funny .
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Not much of a relationship at all, Nan. You are so right!
- http://SusanMe.com Susan Merrill
  
  Nan, I have done this exact thing thousands of times — Mark is much better at maintaining the focus on our marriage.
Lucille Williams

Fawn, I love this! Amen & Amen! The best line for me was “fat bank account and a skinny relationship.” That said it all! Great post!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Lucille! Did you already link up? I look forward to reading your post .
http://www.messymarriage.com/ Beth Steffaniak

I agree 100%, Fawn! I think this is a perfect way to say it and demonstrate it. In fact, I’m going to take your lead and “lean in on my husband” now! Thanks for the encouragement.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Love this! Thanks for stopping my, Beth, and taking the time to comment.
Ferly Tangonan

This is a great post and I totally agree with you. This morning I gave up probably an hour of sleep to make my husband a sandwich to take with him to work. I did this not because he asked me to {he didn’t}, but I wanted to show adoration to my husband for getting up early everyday and taking the full responsibility of providing for our family. I could tell he appreciated me being up with him. It was worth losing an hour of sleep today.

~ Ferly
Gifts We Use {to grow, love and serve}
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Sounds like the best thing you could have possibly done with that hour. Good on you! <3
Donna

I love the post on the benefits of making love a priority. I understand with jobs & small kids it’s hard to juggle the time & exhaustion element. I find by talking to friends, most women have NO DESIRE ! I find that sad since God gave us the GIFT of sex ! It was his idea & I find it the best gift ever ! Yes, my sons are now grown & I am now married 14 years to the MAN of my dreams in every category ! So intimacy is extremely important to us & we know what we don’t want in our relationship based on past mistakes with our exes. We never look at sex as a chore EVER ! We view it as a pleasure & time to bond & connect. My husband has worked overseas the past 5 years & we are only together twice a year for 30 days. THAT will definitely give you a new perspective. Our bucket list once he is home for good is 1 YEAR ( 365 days) of love making.
And we know with our strong love & commitment it’s 100% possible ! For women who have lost their libido, they need to get it back for the sake of their marriage & partner ! God says we are to submit to our husbands. What greater gift to give them, then our love & intimacy in the bedroom.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Donna, for your response! As Sheila mentioned here, enjoying the process of making love is so beneficial for both husband and wife and exploring with your partner what feels best and when can be tricky (if only we could all take classes on this ). Over the years, our bodies change so much and keeping up with that can be tough. But those who make it a priority can enjoy it for as long as our bodies will allow it (woohoo to that!!).
http://www.joleneengle.org/ Jolene @ The Alabaster Jar

I’m my man’s biggest cheerleader and I’m glad for that high position of honor! We’re one flesh and we’re constantly encouraging one another. Thanks for sharing, Trisha!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  I hear you, Jolene! I’m the exact same way. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. Appreciate you!
Nan

For some reason it won’t let me leave a comment on your individual post but it WILL let me leave one here!
Awesome post. Over the years I have (hopefully) learned how to allow my husband to talk without shutting him down with my initial “That’s impossible” or “You can’t be serious” reaction, lol!
I remember before he became a pastor he came to me stating that he wanted to go into the ministry. He was terrified of my reaction because when we were dating I stated that I never wanted to be a pastor’s wife. Never. Did I mention never?
God speaks through our husbands and definitely though mine because sometimes I am so caught up in details and deadlines and cleaning house, etc., that I forget to have fun and I forget to dream a little!
Thanks so much for your post, Tricia, and for hosting today, Fawn!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Nan! I tried to reply to this last night but our Disqus system went a little whacko for a few hours. My programmer is working on figuring out this issue. Thanks for alerting me!
Tyson Cooper

This is great advice Tricia, thank you for sharing. I agree entirely. As my wife supports me in achieving my dreams my desire to support and encourage her in her dreams increases dramatically. And you’re right, if she questions or doubts an idea that I have immediately I begin to focus on what is wrong with it and how it will probably fail. Thankfully, I have a fantastic wife who is probably far more supportive than she should be.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Sounds like you have an awesome wife, Tyson…and you’re incredibly grateful. That’s a good thing for sure!
Tonya@ The Dieter’s Academy

This the best marriage advice I have heard in a long time! I think more marriages would be successful if spouses focused on positive uplifting attitudes and actions, as opposed to zooming in on the little things that aren’t going as planned. I love the idea of dreaming and supporting our spouses in their dreams. Like Tricia said – when we do, everybody wins!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Absolutely! Everybody wins.
Ferly Tangonan

I love your perspective on this! I have learned that every interruption is divine, so seeing them from that point of view helps to find the immediate beauty in an otherwise inconvenient situation. Great post!

~ Ferly
Gifts We Use {to grow, love and serve}
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  So true, Ferly! It’s all divine.
LeAnn Williams

I loved this one. You have a great perspective. You also have a loyal dedicated husband who is like mine; he will go to work until he feels like dieing. I love thought the thoughts on serving others and your husband should be the on the top of that list.
Blessings!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  You are absolutely right! Hubby should be at the top of the list. <3
Shannah at Just Us Four

I think this is so important to remember. It is way to easy to focus on the inconvenience or downside to an unexpected change. Great points on how important it is to keep perspective.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Shannah! And thank you for taking the time to comment .
jn107691

I just found your site. Thank you for all the input you provide. I have been trying to be a good wife to my husband. He also is self sufficient. I like the suggestions here. We usually only hear and see the negative. I have tried to be a positive impact with my husband but it difficult at times. It is so nice to see positive thinking about being married, especially after 25 years.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thank you so much for your comment! You are so right that we almost see, hear and breathe negativity when it comes to marriage. But you and I (and the women of this club) can change that .
Tyson Cooper

Fawn you are so right. Happiness is a choice and thankfully it is not governed by genetics. My grandparents divorced but my parents are happily married and will be celebrating their 30th anniversary this June. However, my sister and her husband really struggle. I believe it is important to include God in our marriages and have found that as my wife and I do it is easier to be happy. We are grateful each day for a strong marriage and we focus on ensuring it stays strong.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Yes! And you hit the nail on the head. Even with God as the center (as He is in our marriage, as well), happiness is impossible without genuine gratitude.
http://www.messymarriage.com/ Beth Steffaniak

You were right, Fawn. For some reason, using the Google Chrome browser allows me to see and comment directly on your post. I’ll have to remember that next time.

And I love this idea. I use my notepad app for a lot of things and this is a great list to create and continue to add to. I love having the ease of my phone (which is almost always with me) to record important things that I need to remember. And I’m certain that remembering all throughout my day just how my husband has blessed me will improve my attitude and gratitude toward him. Thanks so much!
- http://www.messymarriage.com/ Beth Steffaniak
  
  Welp, i take that back. It appears to have moved me to your comment policy page. Oh well. I hope it encourages you anyway!
  - http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
    
    You’re not on the Comments Policy page, Beth. You’re on the home page . The comments policy is always written along the top. My programmer is now trying all the different browsers to see which are having the problem and we’re crossing our fingers that Disqus already knows and is working on it.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Beth! It was amazing how many things I began to see when I took the time to look for them. I hope this exercise will really touch you and your marriage. <3
paula

I have been learning this lesson lately as well. Contentment does not mean that you don’t want anything else! it just means you are choosing to be happy where you are. There is a lot that I want (and that would make my life SO much easier) but I’m learning to be truly happy.

Thanks for sharing this great reminder that is applicable to all parts of life!
- http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn Weaver
  
  Ditto, Paula! I know exactly what you mean .
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Paula. You are so right. It’s definitely applicable to all parts of life.
Debi – The Romantic Vineyard

Fawn, I love this!!! Congratulations on your first decade of marriage. And what a great memory you made. You made a beautiful bride!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thank you, Debi! I truly appreciate it.
Elizabeth Ours

Wow! So sweet! You are So BEAUTIFUL! What a gorgeous wedding dress! Thanks for letting us have a peek into your special day together!! And Happy Anniversary!!!!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thank you, Elizabeth!
http://www.facebook.com/bridget.cook.98 Bridget Cook

I loved the surprise vow renewal for guests! All I could do was smile as I was reading and thinking about your guest’s reactions. You two look great together-beautiful and oh so sneaky
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  I wish I could have seen the guest’s reaction too! I hear it was pretty fantastic .
Andrea W.

WOW!! BREATHTAKING!!! HAPPY 10 YEARS 2GETHER and many, many, upon many more years 2gether!! praise JESUS!!!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Andrea!
Cindy – Marriage Missions

What a beautiful testimony of love! We’re so blessed to be able to celebrate with you on a decade of love and promises well-kept! May God continue to shine His blessing upon your marriage as you join with Him in being His colleagues in displaying and giving love to each other. We celebrate with you! May your love and commitment cause others to see the Love of Christ in action so many will want to know our God better.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Oh, thank you Cindy!
paula

congrats on your renewal!!! looks like a beautiful day <3
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thank you so much, Paula!
GreatPeaceAcademy

Congratulations! What an awesome way to spend your anniversary! I love that you surprised your guests because it made it more about the two of you sharing your love than about their expectations for the day.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  You can say that again! My hubby and I were just talking about that. Others expectations will completely rob you of your happiness if you don’t guard yourself from that. And this is the very reason we decided to do it this way (and SO happy we did ).
http://twitter.com/RhiannonSTR Rhiannon Strobel

Absolutely happiness and love are a choice that can be made every single day! I love your empowering, positive and loving posts! Thank you again
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thanks, Rhiannon! Comments like yours encourage us so much.
Andrea W

Happy Friday! Printing the list right now! This is exciting! Have a fun & safe Memorial Day weekend!!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Same to you, Andrea!
Lori

Thanks so much for sharing A Year of Questions with your gals. Blessings, Lori <
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Thank YOU! This is so wonderful.
ArlenePellicane

Thank you so much Lori & Fawn! Printing the questions now – perfect for the summertime at meals!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Yeah! So happy you like it .
Hannah B

THANK YOU! I’ve been wanting to make something like this!!
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Yeah!! So happy you’re going to benefit from this, Hannah.
http://twitter.com/RhiannonSTR Rhiannon Strobel

I LOVE this: “Never argue over things that will not matter in the last five minutes of your life”
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Isn’t that a great reminder, Rhiannon!
Lauren Lawson

This seriously made me tear up when i read it yesterday. I’m so sorry for your families loss. I LOVE that your mom has that peace to carry with her… words have power.
- http://twitter.com/happywivesclub Happy Wives Clubâ„¢
  
  Lauren, you are such a sweetheart. So honored you take the time to read HWC and I love it every time you link up so I can enjoy Aunt La La!
SistersRaiseSisters

This is our first time to join the link up! Excited to be here and share our post about Love Languages. Found you through Moms the Word. – Penny Lane @ SistersRaisingSisters.com
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver
  
  Awesome. Looking forward to reading your post!
Still DatingMySpouse

I don’t know how I been missing Marriage Monday…..Thanks for allowing me to link up my blog post! Look forward to visiting the blogs!
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver
  
  Yeah! So happy you found us again for Marriage Mondays .
Angie @ The Dating Divas

Happy Monday! Have a great week and thank you for hosting! ~ Angie @ The Dating Divas
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver
  
  Thanks for always joining us, Angie! We find so many fabulous tips over at TheDatingDivas.com!
Kimberly Green

We take advantage of any Lunch date opportunities while kids are at school. No babysitter- cheaper menu.
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver
  
  Oh, that’s a great idea, Kimberly! That is definitely one to add to this list.
Lisa

Just found this blog! Looks great! I love the Date Nights Cheap. We all need date nights, and we’re all strapped, so this post is excellent!

By the way, I accidentally wrote the title of my blog as my name, instead of 8 Ways to be Your Husband’s Best Friend! Oops…

Thanks again for hosting!

Lisa
http://Www.thecourageousjourney.com
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver
  
  So nice to meet you, Lisa! Happy you found us . No worries on your link up title. We can get that changed for you .
Andrea W

Happy June & Happy Monday!!! At my church,, I have signed my hubbie & I up 4 an all day tourist excursion! It is to a famous tourist spot. I am excited because 4 the low cost of $50, we can spend the entire day together, ride the bus as someone else does the driving, & enjoy each others company! The $50 cost would be gas alone if we were driving to the same spot. Snacks R included N the cost of the all day excursion!!! I can’t wait for my date-DAY with hubbie!!! N-joy HIS day!
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver
  
  That sounds like a pretty amazing deal! Is this something your church put together or something through a tour company that is partnering with your church?
  - Andrea W.
    
    The church put the trip together. We will arrive to the church to catch the bus at 6:45 a.m. & return to the church @ 6:30 p.m. Of course, I will take X-tra food so hubbie & I can have an outdoor picnic & just enjoy the grounds as much as we can. I may take my 365 questions from your previous posting & discuss some of the questions thruout the day! We actually discussed 3 of the questions last nite. Pretty good discussion! Keep up the tremendous work, Fawn!!!
http://www.onepartjoyonepartcircus.com/ AJ Collins

Great post! We are also strapped financially, so this is perfect timing! We like to eat at an inexpensive restaurant and wander through a book-store together.
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn Weaver
  
  Oh, the book store thing is a great idea because it can spark great dreams together.
Pam@mommacan.com

Love this post! I just texted my husband…. : )
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club
  
  Woohoo! He’s going to LOVE that!
Fina

LOL you have just converted me to an “over girl” LOL Have a great day!
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club
  
  Woohoo! Now, we’re talkin! Make it a beautiful weekend, Fina.
Lisa

This is so good! Do great minds think alike, or what? My post this week is on exercise and eating right, and how it makes the marriage sizzle!

I can relate to your words that “some of the noises my body makes while we are having sex are definitely NOT the erotic kind!” Funny, but not funny!

Keep up the great posts!

Lisa
http://www.thecourageousjourney.com
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club
  
  Isn’t that the truth, Lisa! “Funny, but not funny!”
Tom and Debi Walter

Fawn, We’ve had a similar group for the past 8 years. We’ve called it the Passport Dinner Club. I made a passport for each couple and we would stamp the page when we visited different countries. We did it so long that we ended up adding regions of the USA to our list of choices. The club has since ended, but we’re looking to start up again with another group of friends. I’m still so amazed you were able to travel the world last year. What an amazing opportunity!
- Fawn @ Happy Wives Club
  
  That seems like SO much fun!
Lisa Raub

For me, I guess reading great blogs and good books has been the salvation of my marriage! God has been so good!

My Beloved and I go out every other week (which is not often enough for either of us, but it’s what we can do right now) and I know that helps a lot too!

Lisa
Lynn

Thank you for hosting this blog hop! I look forward to reading the articles.

Lynn (Living Free in Christ)
Lena Middleton

These five points are very valuable and significant. I
personally feel that it does not only improve the relationship but will create
a good environment for the next generation.

http://riversidecounty.wordpress.com/
Fougies

Best anniversary gift I ga e my husband was a voucher to get our first professional photo done he’s been wanting and waiting took awhile to pay it off but finally got it done and he cherishes it.
Cindy H.

Hello Fawn, A group of women from a few of our local churhes are doing “The Husband Project” 21 days of loving Your Man on Purpose and with a Plan by Kathi Lipp. I found your site online by googling ideas on loving your husband. I shared your site with the rest of the ladies yesterday when I found it so they can get the certificate for their hubby too. I look forward to reading more on here!
TrulyWed Wives

We’re excited, getting our Philly Wives ready!
Kirstin Fuller

Fabulous ideas… Love them all! Thanks Christine!
http://www.aterriblehusband.com/about/ ATerribleHusband

Awesome post! I usually text or send a silly selfie to my wife of me smiling or giving a thumbs up message. But I need to get “religious committed” to it. It’s been a few times per week. Love the ideas in the comments too!
JWilliamson

I have just join the group I am really excited to add more to my marriage. Hope to hear from you ladies.
spope

What a great ‘club’ to be a part of! I often hear people say couples that don’t fight don’t make it – I think that’s a load of balony personally. My husband and I have had exactly two fights in our relationship of over 18 years, and both times a little too much alcohol impared our judgement. We’ve not fought in our entire marriage of 13 years. Glad to hear there are other believers out there!
- http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn Weaver
  
  So happy you found us here! Thank you.
- LL
  
  Thats amazing! How do you do it? I feel like My husband and I bicker every day about something. What is your secret?
  - spope
    
    Watching my mothers five unhappy and unsuccessful marriages has taught me what NOT to do; everything is worth a fight to her. So, everytime I get annoyed and feel like sniping at him I ask myself ‘Is this worth getting divorced over?’ the answer is always no. Of course, it helps that we don’t have some of the normal marital stressors (we’ve chosen to be childfree, and have no financial issues)
    - C&R
      
      My fiance and I have been living together for two years now. We have not fought yet. A couple of disagreements, but that’s about it, nothing major. I think it’s a good thing. I do think about when we do have a big fight, on how we’re going to deal with it. Just saying ….
NikkiOpdycke

We
NikkiOpdycke

We have a daily ritual of “coffee time” every morning. We sit together and chat and enjoy each other’s company. It really keeps us connected.
Julz Yang

You’re absolutely right. I don’t even know why I browse FB so much when there’s really nothing of interest going on. Such a terrible-terrible habbit that needs to be broken. Ugh. It’s not even so much that I need to spend more time with *him* because he’s at the office late into the night anyway, but I could really use that time to do more productive things. Maybe I need to go on a 21-day FB fast?
CS & RG

Love this site. Not married yet, but engaged to be married. Thanks for all the helpful tips.