Marriage Mondays: The One Thing All Happy Wives Have in Common

By Fawn Weaver on Monday, June 17, 2013

The One Thing All Happy Wives Have in Common

On Friday, I wrote about ten things your husband does that just don’t matter.  A comment posted by Kim Hall later summed it up perfectly.  She said:

“[You have to] put things in proper perspective.  I think a great question to ask ourselves is this: If I lost my husband today, would I be grateful he was gone because now the toilet seat would always be down, paper rolling the right way, clothes no longer on the floor, etc.? That question really zooms those little things back into their proper perspective for me!”

What I loved about Kim’s comment is it cuts right to the heart of a particular matter.  It reminds us of something Richard Carlson, PhD spent his brief lifetime telling us, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff.

So, how is your marital perspective?

The Happy Wives Club is a community of close to 150,000 women in more than 100 countries around the world, and my conversations with thousands -literally, thousands- of them, has taught me one simple truth. Those who are genuinely happy all have this in common: Perspective.

When Keith boarded a flight early Friday morning, there was little I cared about more than his safe return. No quirk, idiosyncrasy, flaw or fault of his could mean more to me than him coming home safely.

And when he is home, I feel the same way. No flaw, quirk or difference will ever override my love, respect and adoration for this man I am honored to call my husband.

There is a great quote by Maya Angelou, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”  I learned long ago that nothing good comes from complaining.  Nothing productive whatsoever.  

Good, however, always comes out of keeping everything in the proper perspective.  It frees us to go after exactly what we desire most, to create our happily ever after through gratitude, and to not waste time on anything that will not matter in the end.  It allows us to solve problems with our spouse rather than against them.

This, I am certain, my fellow happy wives and I have in common.  And that is one of the many reasons I am so honored to be a member of this club.

QUESTION: How important do you think perspective is in the lives of those who are genuinely happy?  (would love to hear from you in the comment section below)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club
Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

 

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  • http://www.messymarriage.com/ Beth Steffaniak

    I think perspective is so very important in marriage and in choosing to love our spouses, Fawn. I love your words here {and Kim’s too}! Thanks for reminding us of what’s most important!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thanks, Beth! I’m always inspired by you.

  • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

    I believe perspective is key in finding happiness where we are, especially in our marriages. As Beth says, every day we choose to love our spouses. We can focus on everything about them that is annoying or bad, or we can focus on the good. We will get more of what we focus upon, that is for sure!
    Thanks for quoting me—I am honored!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      And if it were a shorter quote, I would have tweeted it – LOL!

  • http://intentionaltoday.com/ Ngina Otiende

    That’s what it comes down to Fawn! Many happy wives might not be conscious of it everyday, but that wise mature far-seeing way of looking at things makes the makes the difference. Happiness is a personal choice and we get to choose every day. great thoughts and comment by Kim

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Absolutely, Ngina! I definitely believe that with all my heart. Thank you for your encouraging words – always.

  • http://www.onepartjoyonepartcircus.com/ AJ Collins

    I agree wholeheartedly. The reality is that none of us is perfect and we need to constantly be looking for the best in people and not the worst. It’s easy to get distracted by the small stuff, but it’s those really big things that matter… things like love and character… great reminders!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      “…we need to constantly be looking for the best in people and not the worst” – Yes! Thanks, AJ.

  • http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

    Oh yes, perspective is very important. In 30 years of marriage my husband has managed to annoy me a time or two. ;) But I try to remember the things that he DOES do instead of getting annoyed at the things he doesn’t do. I also try to remember that I probably annoy him sometimes too…….maybe. Possibly. On occasion. ;)
    If I am a wife whose husband leaves his socks lying around, I can choose to be happy or I can dwell on the fact that I asked him three times to do something about it. I can choose a happy marriage and choose to ignore those socks, or I can continue to nag at him. I choose to pick up the socks and enjoy my evening with my hubby. You can also choose, at some point, to tell hubby how important it is to you that he picks up those socks daily.
    But if he doesn’t do it, you can make it a battle or a blessing. You can make it a battle and fight with him and nag him and refuse to speak with him until he does it, or you can make it a blessing and pick it up for him every day, and pray for him while you do it. It’s all in the perspective.
    I’ve had three friend who have lost their husbands at a young age with children still home to raise. Nothing puts things in perspective like realizing your friend would dearly love to have her husband alive and home with her and leaving socks around the house!
    Thanks for hosting today, my friend!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Love this, Nan! You always add such great points in your comments. You rock!

      • http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

        You rock too, Fawn! I always love your comments on my blog! :) Yes, it has grown and I thank the Lord for that. A couple of months ago I felt blessed if I got eight or nine people linking up. I was just so grateful for even having one! But I’ve done a few new things to help grow it and it seems to be working. I just want it to grow and be a community of blessing, just as your linky party is!

        • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

          I’d love to know what new things you did to grow it. My desire is to get this link up to over 100 positive women a week. We’re inching toward it but if you have tips for me, do tell :) . Thanks again, Nan!

          • http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

            I sent you an email of the things that I did! :)

          • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

            You rock, Nan! I’m a little behind in email but looking forward to reading this today. Thanks again :) .

          • http://momstheword--livingforhim.blogspot.com/ Nan

            You’re welcome! Hope it helped! I was thrilled to see that you linked up with us at the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party last week. Thanks so much! Also just popped back to say that the NEW linky party is now live and ready for your posts! ;)

  • Carrie Starr

    I think perspective is key! I stop myself from speaking a judgmental thought about my husband as many as ten times a day. By stopping myself and taking a moment to ask, “Does this really matter? How will this make my husband feel? How will this impact my children?, I find most often it’s best to keep my mouth shut. Instead I try to think of ways to celebrate my husband and focus on the good. Most of the time, it even works!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      What a brilliant way to look at it!

  • Kristen @ Smithspirations

    The perspective that’s helped me the most in marriage is remembering that I often don’t fully understand my husband’s side of the story. If I can delay my own reactions and assumptions and get his perspective, we are always better off in our relationship!

    • Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Yes, ma’am! Absolutely. Thanks, Kristen, for stopping by. Sorry it took me so long to reply :) .

  • tamrenzi

    Oh, it’s huge, Fawn! Perspective is a high priority in my marriage. We have come such a long way. Our 30s were spent rather prickly – in jobs we were not crazy about, little/no exercise, ick! Now, we’re focused on what brings us happiness together, and I never have a bad day. It doesn’t mean I don’t ever have a “mood” or sad feeling, but I never ever have a bad day. Those sad feelings can be easily adjusted when I have a good outlook, or positive perspective, on life. I hadn’t thought of it as ‘perspective’ and just love adding new concepts to redefine relationships and how we navigate this world.

    • Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      I’m in the midst of reading a book called The Happiness Advantage (if you ever get a chance to see the TEDx talk on YouTube it’s totally worth the time) and what I love about it is reading the science behind how much perspective changes everything. Reading this book makes me realize, even more, how important this is and why this is such a commonality among the happily married.

      • tamrenzi

        I will definitely check that out. Thank you, Fawn!

        • Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

          My pleasure :) .