No Matter How Hard…Learn to Shhhh

The irony of it all.  I travel to a country in the middle of the Indian Ocean, with a 60% population of Indians and 2% Chinese.  I sent out a few emails to HWC members in Mauritius the night I arrived inviting anyone available to meet me at Wolmar beach the next day.  I received just a couple responses; something I was grateful for considering the short notice.

See Yin and Jocelyne came out to meet me.  They are both lovely Chinese women, immigrants from China whose parents fled (or were killed) during the Chinese Cultural Revolution.  When they were sharing their story, I asked if they’d read a popular book called The Joy Luck Club.  

For hours, we chatted about everything from culture to race to religion, before getting to what we all came to talk about: marriage.  “She has a perfect marriage,” See Yin said about Jocelyne.  “They don’t have any problems in their marriage.”  Jocelyne just shrugged her shoulders, clearly trying not to agree as she is certainly not a boastful type of person.  

Jocelyne and her husband have been married 34 years.  Nine years ago they did a renewal of vows ceremony for their silver anniversary.  Judging by the smile on her face when she tells me about that great day, she still thinks quite fondly of marriage, and hers in particular. 

“What do you think is the secret to a happy marriage,” I asked.  “When the other is upset,” she says followed by a motion that looks like she’s zipping her lips, “just shhhh.”  Is that what she and her husband do, I ask.  “Yes.  We listen.  When one person is upset or hurt, the other person listens.  The other person expresses how they feel without blaming and the other tries to understand.”

So what happens when they’re both upset, I ask.  “Oh, he lets me win,” she says with a big grin.  Really?  No, not always.  They both allow each other to win.  They understand, as See Yin said earlier in the evening, “There is no such thing in a marriage as win or lose.  There is either win-win or lose-lose.  If one wins, the other wins.  If one loses, both lose.”  

I love talking to these ladies!  And I can’t wait to share with you something fascinating See Yin shared with me regarding a communication method she began using some time ago.  The method is written in French so I have to do a bit more research to share it with you on Monday, but I’m excited to tell you all about it.

Question: When your husband is upset about something, do you truly listen or do you begin thinking about where he is to blame and simply wait for your turn?

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

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