Laughter: God’s Medicine for Marriage
The feedback from this 3-part interview with Sheila Wray Gregoire has been outstanding. I loved her from the moment I met her online. She’s relatable with practical advice and she has clearly resonated with each of you. I talked to my sister last night and she mentioned how she couldn’t wait until today to read part 3. So, Christy Joy, this one’s for you.
If you haven’t had a chance to read part one or part two, I highly recommend going back and reading them. They were fantastic and all about sex (a subject we love here at the Happy Wives Club). In part 3, our interview pivoted from sex as she continued to share with me the top 5 things she and her husband do regularly (or beliefs she has) which they believe contribute to their happy and loving relationship.
When I first posed the question to her regarding her “top 5” list, it wasn’t a healthy sex life that came to her mind first as discussed in the first two installments of this interview. Her number one answer was something I’ve heard time and time again from happy wives all over the world: “Even when we were having difficulties, he was always my best friend and I think that’s what kept us close. We’ve always been able to just laugh together.”
So many of us take our lives so seriously. We forget the healing power of a smile and a bit of laughter. Do you remember that scene from the movie Mary Poppins in which laughter caused them to feel so light-hearted they became weightless and even gravity could not ground them? That’s what laughter does in marriage. It fills our heart with glee. It allows us to throw away all the cares of the world, even if only for the moment, and to be overtaken by something much greater.
“You have to laugh,” Sheila insists. “But if you’re going to be able to laugh, you have to do more things together. I think a lot of couples don’t do anything together except logistical stuff, like going to the store, taking the kids to soccer practice, etcetera” she continued. “But you have to find something you can do together, even if it’s not something you necessarily like. If he’s into fishing, take up fishing. Even if you think worms are disgusting, just do it. Do something together because if you’re spending time together [doing hobby-related things] you’ll relax more and you’ll naturally laugh more.”
This point naturally led into the final 3 things she believes have been pivotal for her marital success. Because the length of this interview has extended well beyond what you are accustomed to reading from me, and I don’t want you to this to go song long you might miss some invaluable lessons, I’m going to list her final three points just as she said them to me with no additional commentary:
- Eat dinner together and without a television. “We got rid of the TV 17 years ago. We have one but we watch movies only…no channels. Even pulling the high chairs up when the kids were little. We always made it a priority because it’s one of the few times you talk about non-logistical things. And when you start being lazy about dinner and say there’s no point, then you lose a lot. Eating dinner is a big thing.
- Make sure your priorities are in the right order. “I always figured I wanted to be a better wife than a better mother. Because if you’re going to be a good mom you’ve got to be a good wife because what your kids need is to know that you are rock-solid. I’ve just always tried to put my marriage first and my kids have not suffered for it in the least. My kids are very secure and very happy. I’ve seen a lot of marriages where the mothers have done the opposite and it’s dangerous. You have to put your husband first. And if that means you put your kids in bed a half hour early with a book and tell them they’re not allowed out of their room so you can have some along time, you do it. Or if it means that Johnny really, really wants to take soccer but that means you’re never going to be home as a family because you’ll be on the road every weekend of the summer, you say no. Because you got to have that strong marriage. And that absolutely has to come first.”
- Stay connected. Sheila and her husband, Keith, take a walk together every night after dinner to connect (except when it’s cold because they live in Canada). She found when she’s in the house, she always wants to be doing something, fold laundry, dishes, sweep, etc. But when they go outside, she and her husband are able to talk and truly connect. “Coming together at the end of the day,” she tells me, “is so important. Women need to do that because when you’ve got all that stuff inside you from what’s happened all day, worried about the teacher and what they said about Johnny’s report card, you’re worried about your schedule and your mother’s doctor appointment and stuff, and if you don’t get that out, then you’re not going to be able to relax. It’s like you’ve got ping pong going on in your head , all these thoughts going back and forth, so you need this time with your husband to share (dinner, a walk, etc).
As I’ve continued interviewing happy wives of 20+ years for our Sage Wisdom column, one of the common threads between each interview and conversation is this: You have to take the time to connect at the end of the each day. Whether that is a simple debriefing about your day over a glass of wine, dinner with the family, a stroll around the block, it doesn’t seem to matter how you do it as long as you are each other’s place of rest at the end of each day. You husband needs to express his thoughts for the day and vice versa. I do something simple that I found helpful. I ask my husband at the end of his day, “What was your high? What was your low?” It allows him to share with me those two points, not spend too much time elaborating on them (unless he wants) and then rest in my arms. And it allows me to always stay connected to him knowing exactly how he feels at the end of each day.
It doesn’t matter how you do it, just find a way to connect with your hubby at the end of each day and take the time to laugh. They say “milk does a body good” but I think scientists around the world will that milk does not do nearly as much for the mind, body and soul as laughter does. Friends, I hope you learned as much from my interview with Sheila as I did these past few days. Wishing you a beautiful weekend with your family.
Until Monday…make it a great weekend!
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Fawn Weaver
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