How to Protect Your Marriage During Challenging Times

By Fawn Weaver on Wednesday, March 5, 2014

How to Protect Your Marriage During Challenging Times - Happy Wives Club

“What is the biggest obstacle you’ve had to overcome in your marriage and how did you do it?”  This was the question posed to Keith and me during a recent interview.

Easy question to answer, right?  Well, not for us. It usually causes an uncomfortable laughter because we know what the interviewer is looking for – and we don’t have it to give.  

But the truth is, we’ve never had a challenge in our marriage that has felt… well…major.

Granted, infertility to many would be considered a major challenge.  And going in for my third round of fertility treatments next week might seem like a major drag to some.  But we don’t see it that way. 

For us, we’re filled with gratitude that our insurance covers these procedures and look at our first childless decade together as an opportunity to grow closer as husband and wife.  

And yes, there was a time when we ate chili for an entire month (yep, every day) and did other extreme things (Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover, baby!) until we were able to pull ourselves out of a massive debt we’d created.  

But just like the fertility issue, that never felt like a real obstacle.

It wasn’t until a similar question was posed during a talk I was giving last week that I had an aha moment about this issue.  ”We hear alot that money problems is one of the top reasons for divorce.  Can you explain why this adversely impacts some marriages and not others?”

In answering that question, I finally realized why Keith and I have such a hard time answering that “obstacle” question:

Have you ever been on an airplane going through major turbulence?  The kind that feels like the plane is dropping several hundred feet at a time?  On a recent flight, the plane was dropping at such steep rates that with each drop, almost every passenger on the flight gasped.  

A young man, no older than thirty, sitting next to me was sweating so profusely he could have been mistaken for having just finished a Zumba class.  With every drop, you could almost see his heart popping out of chest.  I’m telling you, that young man thought he was about to die.  

But then I turned around and looked at the flight attendants and it was as if they were on a completely different plane.  “Trash anyone?” was their call down the middle of the aisle.  ”Can I take that cup from you, sir?” was the flight attendant’s question to a man who was likely clutching his cup for dear life.

These flight attendants were utterly unfazed.  Going through the exact same turbulences as the rest of us, and yet, it was as if they were flying through clear sunny skies.  There, of course, is a simple reason for that.  They knew the odds of a fatality happening on that plane was 1 in 10 million.  

This is the difference between the couples that allow finances, infertility and other similar challenges to adversely impact their marriage and the ones that don’t.  Those who look ahead to the future, team up and work to overcome life’s challenges -together- are like the flight attendants on that plane. They’re going through the same tumultuous air space as everyone else, but they remain focused on what they know to be true: They will make it through.

Every person on this planet goes through turbulent skies at some point.  But if your union has love, respect, faith and trust, you can protect your marriage from the turbulence of life.  By coming together and supporting one another, remembering those rocky skies are just for a moment, you can draw closer rather than be pushed apart.  

Your love, just like that plane, is far more powerful than any turbulence you might endure.  

It may not happen immediately, but eventually the wheels will touch down, passengers on the plane will erupt into applause, the pilot will come on the loudspeaker letting you know you’ve safely arrived, and the flight attendant will continue collecting the trash.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

 

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  • Lauren Lawson

    I love this post. So encouraging, as we are going through this turbulent time. For a happy reason, but crazy none the less. Our love is strong! Praying for you also my friend.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thank you so much, Lauren! Those turbulent times come and go and our goal is to be just like that flight attendant throughout life. Francis Chan used a similar analogy in a talk he did a few years ago that I loved. But he used Jack Bower and the show 24 to make the point. It was a really great story.

  • Shweta Thakkar

    As Husband and Wife, we promise to be with each other and support each other in tough times too.. That should include Challenging times too :) Infidelity is out of the question for me… I know my husband loves me! Yes, Money is a big challenge, but what’s the point in marriage and love if we cannot face it together!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Exactly! Facing it together is what it’s all about.

  • anartey

    I think it was a typo, perhaps she meant infertility and not infidelity.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Oh yes! Absolutely. Fixing that now :) .

  • Osas

    thanks fawn thanks you so much for this article, very inspiring

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thanks, Osas!

  • http://positivelyaffirm.com Elissa Philgence

    I love this post.

    Believe me ,my husband and I have been on that ‘financial’ plane, and still am, more times than I care to count. However, over the 11 years of marriage, we have never fought about money or gave up on one day bettering our financial situation.

    Daily he goes to a job that is not paying him much, stays up late to finish is PhD, and pray that God will open the door to his career.

    Be faithful to God and He will always bless and provided for you, even in the turbulent times of your lives.

    Peace to all.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      That is wonderful, Elissa! Sounds like you both truly have your sights set on creating the life you most desire together. Beautiful.

      • http://positivelyaffirm.com Elissa Philgence

        Thank you Ms. Fawn. It’s all for our babies.

    • Mukesh Gadhai

      so nice understanding between you both,,and you have so deep love…I wish you both achieve your dream true..god will help you..!!!

      • http://positivelyaffirm.com Elissa Philgence

        Thank you for your kinds words, Mukesh and blessings to you too.

        • Mukesh Gadhai

          Hi Elissa,thanks for your reply..and no need for more thanks..here I think you are the best example that how to face difficulties and get solution..I wish other who having such problem may get your example..bravo..and all the best..regards..!!!

  • markjala

    Excellent post. I love the analogy to a turbulent jet ride. Congratulations on doing Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover! It shows you and your husband are truly one and working together as a team.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thanks, Mark. It’s funny because we had our entire familiy doing Total Money Makeover because we figured if we could get everyone around us financially healthy, once we pulled out of debt we wouldn’t have to worry about bailing others out :) .

  • Amanda Eley

    Thank you so much for this article! My husband and I have been married one and half years and we have had some trials, but we always get through it together. It is nice to know that we are not the only ones who struggle financially and I know that, like you, we will make it through. (I’m supporting my husband as he goes to medical school). Thank you so much for your website! Reading your posts are such an encouragement to me and I love learning how to make my marriage last. May God bless you and your husband!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thanks, Amanda! And if I could tell you the amazing stories of couples I’ve interviewed where the wife took on the weight of the household while her husband went to school or pursued his dreams and the amazing success they’ve been able to create as a couple because of that. So hang in there! This is only a season…and a short season at that when you consider how many more years you have ahead of you. Cheers and tell your husband we expect to see straight-As :)

      • Amanda Eley

        Thank you so much, Fawn. I needed to read that encouragement today! Have a safe trip to Denver!! :)

  • christina

    Thank you for your article and posts, they are inspiring! Yes, people can go through the same experience and have different views about it, nice example of the airplane, the stewards probably trusted their pilot more :)

    “For us, we’re filled with gratitude that our insurance covers these procedures and look at our first childless decade together as an opportunity to grow closer as husband and wife. ”

    Great that you have used the time wisely to invest in your relationship instead, many come out bitter after being childless for a decade. Think about adoptions, they are also a great way to build a family, and both parties benefit :) God bless.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thank you so much, Christina! And yes, we’ve not only thought about adoption, we went through the process. There’s a jasmine yellow bedroom in our home that we prepared for the beautiful little girl we thought would be coming home with us. But alas, that wasn’t in God’s plan because the adoption fell through at the last minute. That experience was a true blessing but one my husband is not open to go through again any time soon so we’ll continue with fertility treatments for now and see what happens. Either way, we’re grateful for our family of two :) .

  • Tamarra Kebbeh

    Awesome article and even better analogy!!! I could read this every morning just as a reminder to keep pushing.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Keep pushing. It’s just a season, Tamarra. Hang in there! <3

  • BC

    Great post!! Please let us know when you are going to the Harvey Show!!! I don’t want to miss it. Thank you for the hope and encouragement of having a good marriage. I’m preparing :)

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Thank you, BC! And we’re still hoping to get a date for the Steve Harvey Show but so far they haven’t confirmed anything. One day, I guess :) .

  • Kim M.

    Great post Fawn! “Those who look ahead to the future, team up and work to overcome life’s challenges -together- are like the flight attendants on that plane. They’re going through the same tumultuous air space as everyone else, but they remain focused on what they know to be true: They will make it through.” Speaking from experience (happy 20 yrs of marriage), this is what made the difference. We were always a team through everything! Failure was never an option.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Oh I love that, Kim. “Failure was never an option.” Here here!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Mrs.JJT Elizabeth

    My husband and I have had challenging times constantly, in the form of illness on my part. When we first met I was very sick but didn’t have a diagnosis. Then, a few months before we got married, that diagnosis came in the form of my first major surgery and being told I have Crohn’s disease. Then, two years later came another disease, which resulted in tumors in my throat. That disease, hyperparathyroidism, decided to become recurrent. I had more throat tumors removed in 2006 and on April 1, 2014, I am having my newest tumor removed. Meanwhile, I am now disabled from the Crohn’s. I’m glad your insurance covers your procedures because I am constantly fighting with my insurance company to cover the cost of my meds. That in itself is stressful! I’m certain that insurance companies are in league with the devil, but I digress.

    But you know what? Although my illnesses have been challenging, they have never been an obstacle in or to our marriage. I am so lucky. Throughout all of my time being sick, my husband has been right there by my side, my strength in time of extreme weakness (both literal and figurative weakness!) We pull though it together. It’s tough being ill but it can be really tough on the caregiver as well (I saw my mom go through it when my dad had Alzheimer’s.) You have to get on the same page, realize you are going to see the tough times through together, and that is that. You don’t give up; you don’t separate. That’s just not an option. (Remember those wedding vows that included sickness and health? My husband says jokingly that I’m really pushing it!) You just get through it. Everyone goes through tough moments but having your best friend by your side really helps! We joke all the time that what we’d really love is a dull moment. Just one. lol

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Having your best friend definitely helps! Thank you for sharing your story, Elizabeth. I’m sure it will inspire all who read it. <3

      • http://www.facebook.com/Mrs.JJT Elizabeth

        Very welcome! As long as you stand together, the two of you against the world, NOTHING can break a marriage down!

      • http://www.facebook.com/Mrs.JJT Elizabeth

        I had my surgery and we may have an answer as to why the tumors keep coming back. I’m being tested for a genetic mutation and a second chronic disease. And my angel, AKA my husband, has again promised to stay with me regardless.

        I don’t deserve him.

        • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

          <3

          • http://www.facebook.com/Mrs.JJT Elizabeth

            Fawn I just wanted to update you. I tested negative for the genetic mutation! YAHOOOOOO!

          • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

            Yahooooooo!!! is right!

    • Mukesh Gadhai

      thanks for sharing nice experience..right,,your husband is really your best friend…and you are lucky ,,wish all the best in your life…!!!

      • http://www.facebook.com/Mrs.JJT Elizabeth

        Thank you, Mukesh!

        • Mukesh Gadhai

          you are welcome dear…

  • Erica Williams

    Thanks for sharing this aspiring article, Fawn.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      My pleasure, Erica. Thanks for reading it!

  • Rupert Gonzales

    I ALSO LOVE THIS POST

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Great! Thanks, Rupert.

  • honey

    love it..

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Awesome!