Happy With My Family of Two {Stories of Infertility & Love}

Great perspective Aunt Lala and loved your words at the beginning Fawn. I am 5 years married and just this weekend had one of those questions. I like this answer “We are a family of two for now and are enjoying every minute of it.” Good one!

Thank you for your wonderful, POSITIVE, post! I agree entirely. Through the wonders of modern medicine, we do now have two precious little boys. It took years to get here, though, and I remember all of the questions about kids and the countless baby showers I attended while struggling to make a baby myself. (Well, with my husband, of course!) I decided to focus on what I had, instead of what I didn’t have, which was a love for wine and sushi, that I wouldn’t be able to have if pregnant! My answer to all the baby questions became, “I am ready for a baby when God is ready. Until then, I have the ability to drink wine and eat sushi, so I’m going to take advantage of that while I can.” My husband and I enjoyed many date nights together until God blessed us with not being allowed to eat sushi or drink wine for 9 months.

Life doesn’t always turn out exactly how you imagined it would, does it? I never once imagined the life I have now as part of “the dream” but now that I have it, I wouldn’t trade it for a thing! I went through a period of about ten years I call The Dark Ages, where I suffered 5 miscarriages and 2 ectopic pregnancies, I made a LOT of bad choices and did a LOT of self-punishing as a result of the pain I was going through.

I re-married last Christmas to my soul mate and “the One” God had in mind for me all along. Both of us had come from failed first marriages and a lifetime of making mistakes but in a miraculous way, as only He can do, he placed us together in spite of ourselves. By the grace of God we were both saved at the same time about 3 years ago and since then have been on the most amazing spiritual journey together.

At the bequest of his ex, my husband had had a vasectomy, so in a weird twist I was able to quit going through my monthly cycle of emotional insanity wondering “what if” and, well, so many things I could never explain it to you. Then one day we had the BRILLIANT idea to spend our last and only three thousand dollars on a reversal vasectomy. Guess what? It didn’t work! We feel God has always had a hand in our lives and in the way things have turned out, but we had to try – we had to know, once and for all. In spite of our need to push against the natural flow of his leading sometimes, he may be holding fast to his plan for us, who knows? Because 85% of reversals DO work so it’s pretty weird that ours didn’t.

Anyways, my husband came into the relationship with two young children who are now 4 (boy) and 6 (girl) and what a blessing they have been to me! The strangest part, and I do believe this is a little love gift from God, is that my daughter looks EXACLTY like me: straight blond hair and light blue eyes, even though her birth mother has dark brown curly hair and brown eyes. Her personality is the splittn’ image of mine too and the exact opposite of her mother’s, and we are besties to the end of time!. So even though it may not be in God’s plan for me to give birth to a child, he makes up for it with every day that I get to spend with my precious little Mini-Me. As an added bonus, after a few days with our children, exhausted, we get to return them to their mother, which is always nice, and gives us a chance to have lots of couple time together – the best of both worlds really.

One side effect of being a mother without children I must mention however, is the compulsion to collect pets. We have 5 large dogs and 13 cats and we love them as if they were actual human children. It makes for a craaaazy life, but one we would not trade for all the money in the world.

I guess my point is, although things may not look exactly the way you envisioned them at one time, it’s often just a matter of perspective. Keeping in your sights on His Bigger Picture and the plan that God has for your life really helps. It took me years to be able to say this and actually believe it. There were years when I could not be around babies or children, people who HAD babies or children, or people who were even THINKING about having babies and children lol… sounds stupid, but it’s true. The pain was that great. Thanks to being saved from my misery, healed from the inside out and TRANSFORMED into a new creation, I am now kinda normal! Well, at least as normal as I am capable of being.

Just know this: You may not understand it now, but it has a purpose. God delights in your happiness so if you are feeling like you are missing out, just take a look around you and look real closely. You just may start to see some of the gifts He has given to you to make your journey just a little bit easier.

We spent 10 years trying to conceive and it had some very dark moments – but we came out the other side stronger and closer. We both have issues that prevent pregnancy – so in a way that was a blessing. If it had just been me with the problem – I would’ve felt so guilty because I was preventing him from being a father and vice versa. We have developed a very bizzare sense of humor about it – for example if I stand next to a microwave, he will tell me “be careful, that might make you sterile.” By finding reasons to laugh about it – it has given me the power to choose how it makes me feel (if that makes sense) – I allowed it to steal too many years of my joy.

We both have elderly parents and they are in a period of declining health – if we had conceived we would not be free to drop everything and help them like we’ve had to do on several occasions. We feel like this is what our path was to be – instead of being parents, we are honoring our parents by being there for them.

When we married my boys were grown (21 & 24) and his were 19 & 9. We had none of our children living with us but he wanted a baby. I am 42 and he’s 37, my tube are tied and quite frankly I do not want to start all over. I enjoy spending time with just my husband, no kids — no interruptions! I love it. Him, on the other hand was unable to raise his children, so he desperately wants to have the opportunity. We have come to the conclusion that if God wants it to happen HE will allow it to happen, tubes or not. Until then, we are enjoying our free wonderful time together

Watching our favorite TV shows…..and crappy B movies when we wake up together in the night.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m so busy obsessing on what is broken, that I forget to appreciate what’s right in front of me. I have a good job, nice home and an amazing and supporting husband, thank you for helping to remember what a blessing my family is, even if it’s only ever going to be two of us.