Celebrating Your Differences

By Fawn Weaver on Monday, January 9, 2012

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” -Dave Meurer

I love this quote. I read it for the first time last week on someone’s Facebook page and immediately thought about how perfectly it described my marriage.  Keith and I are incredibly different.  I am easily amused and if you’re around me for longer than 20 minutes, you’ll probably hear me laugh out loud at least 3 times.  I’ve worked on adding a filter to my conversation over the years but I pretty much just shoot from the hip.  I’m completely open about our marriage and my life overall.  

What I’ve just described about myself is the polar opposite of Keith.  Although he loves this Club and celebrates its purpose, he’s an incredibly private person.  He’s probably one of the only people still not on Facebook or Twitter and he refuses to go anywhere near it.  So many of the topics I discuss on this blog takes him pretty far out of his comfort zone.

He carefully crafts any statement that leaves his mouth and he does his best to take everyone’s feelings into account before speaking or making a decision.  He’s completely open and honest with me but that’s only because he trusts me deeply.  He is a guarded person in all other regards.

We are extremely different.  But that’s what makes our relationship so wonderful.  Just knowing him has made me a better person.  He inspires me to be a kinder, gentler, more loving and humble person each day.  And If you spoke with him, he’d say the same thing about me.

We are no different from every other couple who must learn to communicate in their spouse’s language.  We challenge each other.  We strengthen each other.  We celebrate our differences because we know we are exactly as God created us, a million quirks and all.  We respect each other immensely and it’s our differences, not our similarities, that cause us to rise a little more each day to be the person God has called us to be.

I am grateful for my husband.  I am grateful for our differences.  I am grateful for you, our readers, who continue to join us on this wonderful journey in life as we learn to speak, live and act in love first.

Question: Which of your husband’s differences do you respect most?  What is something he does naturally – different from what you do – that has inspired you to grow and become a better person?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club
Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

 

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  • Jennifer

    My husband has taught me to think of myself first. He's always put himself first, and when we were first dating it bothered me. Then I reflected on it and realized that he was doing things right and I was doing things wrong. I needed to push other things aside, ignore responsibilities that could wait, and make time for me. I'm a better person for it.

  • http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn

    Thanks, Jennifer! Putting things aside that can wait and making sure to set aside "me" time is indeed so important. I think men do this instinctively but we as women have to work on it. Like you, I have definitely learned how to make time for me and I'm also a better person because of it. Thanks for taking the time to respond to the question and share your experience with us.

  • http://www.thesefiveofmineplustwo.net Kasey

    He is quiet and doesn't speak just to fill the air. I get nervous when there is an uncomfortable silence, so I chatter away. I love that he is so genuine when he does finally speak up

    Did you have a nice trip to Vegas? Was Garth in person all you imagined he'd be?? :)

  • http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn

    @Kasey- I have that same challenge and I'm working on that "chatting" part because God's really been convicting me about it. So happy I'm not the only one! :) Vegas was great and Garth was more than I could have hoped and I went with very high expectations. There were four of us and we all went with high expectations and he surpassed all of them. He had no set design, no music other than his acoustic guitar, no dancers, background singers, nothing. My girlfriend is not a country fan at all. Hates the music. She only went because her husband LOVES Garth and she's one of my closest friends. Needless to say, she was clapping all the way through, got misty eyed in a few places and when it was over her husband said, "You're a country music fan now," to which she quickly replied, "No! I'm a Garth fan!"

  • Amanda

    My husband is mellow, logical, and level-headed, exactly opposite of my passion, creativity, and impulsiveness. He helps me to look before I leap, to think deeply about a situation before I act, and he celebrates my creativity. He never stifles my passion. He simply helps keep me balanced and he helps me to accept and love being who I am. Being exact opposites isn't easy but it makes our marriage fun, unique, and NEVER boring. His differences make me love and respect him so much and I am a better woman because we are different.

  • http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn

    @Amanda- I was reading your comment and thinking how that sounds just like my husband! We are certainly kindred sisters: "My husband is mellow, logical, and level-headed, exactly opposite of my passion, creativity, and impulsiveness. He helps me to look before I leap, to think deeply about a situation before I act, and he celebrates my creativity." Awesome!

  • http://www.hopefulfututre.bogspot.com Paula R

    My hubby is PATIENT. and does not get upset easily. I am not good at either of those so I respect those differences in him a lot! :)

  • http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn

    @Paula R- Oh, those are fantastic qualities to have in a hubby! Makes life so much more enjoyable, doesn't it? Thank you so much for taking the time to not only stop by but to post a comment. I truly appreciate it.

  • http://www.neveradulldate.com Ashley

    My husband is very outgoing, where I am the shy one. I have a few close friends that I talk non-stop with, but my husband can strike up a conversation with anyone. I love going out with him b/c he pushes me to try new things and meet new people :)

  • http://www.happywivesclub.com Fawn

    @Ashley- I can relate. I remember going to work events with my husband when we first met. I'd usually find a cocktail table in a corner and stand there by myself or find a table to sit at by myself while he worked the room. A couples years into our marriage, he shared with me how my introverted nature at events made people think I was "stand-offish" and could be taken the wrong way. I really had to work on that for years because I just wasn't comfortable around people I didn't know. Thanks for sharing!

  • Christy Joy

    I LOVE working out! My hubby likes to play basketball but he doesn't really like working out. I love how hard he works–he's so passionate and it's infectious!!!

  • Kita P.

    My husband is a very calm and patient. He will always do what he knows is right and what is best for everyone. Although I am calm and patient, my husband has taken me to a level that has reduced my stress a lot. This has made me a better person because I don't lose it in line-ups, not do I get aggravated when someone treats me badly. I shrug it off and hope they have a better day – like mine. Peaceful.

  • Fawn Weaver

    @Christy Joy – And I bet he LOVES that you love working out and admires that about you. @Kita- I love meeting so many women through this club with similar stories to me. I can see my own marriage and life in so many of yours. I can write "ditto" to almost every single comment on here today. I love that! Thanks for not only taking the time to read today's post but for commenting.

  • http://wannabegreenash.blogspot.com/ Ashley C

    Love the Blog…cant wait to read everything!

  • http://thelonghaulproject.com Melissa

    My husband is always willing to take a risk, whereas I weigh the pros and cons of every decision endlessly. Left to his own devices, he can be too impulsive. Left to my own devices, I can be too set in familiar ways. Together, we balance out. He encourages me to try new things and take a few more leaps of faith, and I help him slow down a little bit and weigh up his options.

  • http://yellowrose4.blogspot.com/ Janie

    My husband is unfailingly kind. I am impulsive and often words come out before they should. CJE is much more deliberate and thoughtful. I call him methodical and it drives me crazy, but secretly I admire it with regards to other people and my awareness of it does help me to temper my speech from time to time.

  • http://Www.encourageyourspouse.com Lori

    My husband perseveres – he never gives up on a task. I really admire that about him (and rely on it). I'm the opposite – I can quit something… Anything… Easily.

    And he always finishes everything. We joke, because just as I'm almost done something – like the dishes, where there's just one pot left to wash – I stop.

    It's a lovely thing that our differences can complement.

    (great topic, Fawn. )

  • http://www.fitmomsfitkidsclub.com Annett@ FitMomsFitKidsClub

    He is a natural motivator. He inspires me daily. When I'm have a bad day he'll say something like, "At least you got your worst day out of the way" . LOL. This motivation, cup half full attitude helps me to my head up. It also inspires me to do the same for others.

  • Fawn Weaver

    Thanks, Ashley! I appreciate you taking the time to visit and comment. @Janie- I can SO relate. I am working on that :) . @Annett- Isn't that amazing to have a husband who is a natural motivator? He not only motivates you but he motivates all those around him and that's awesome. @Lori- That's hilarious! I'm working on that too! My goal for the past two years has been to be consistent because I would always begin things with gusto and then it would quickly fizzle out. Like your hubby, Keith has helped me so much with that. @Melissa- Sounds like a perfect balance. Thank you, ladies, for joining in on this topic. Truly appreciate you!

  • http://fashionistaera.blogspot.com Fashionista Era

    Hey!! I totally agree with your quote and i feel the same too :) ) we are absolutely different but we get along pretty well haha…its strange and true! thanks for coming by my blog :) have a fab day ahead :D

    cheers
    hanz

  • http://www.drylandswimming.blogspot.com Isabel

    I love how my husband loves the Lord. He doesn't scream it from our roof or at the grocery store….but he shows how he loves Him by his daily actions. My husband also has a kind heart….he will give to those in need, preferring to give without anyone knowing it is him helping. Just being around my husband makes me want to be a better woman….i am blessed to have him as my husband. :)

  • Fawn Weaver

    @Isabel- I know exactly how you feel — and it feels great! Thanks for sharing your husband's wonderful differences with us. @Hanz- You're right, it's strange but true :) . Thanks for taking the time to post a comment. I really appreciate it.

  • http://365actsoflove.wordpress.com 365 Acts of Love

    The difference you pointed out between you and your husband is very similar to the difference between my wife and me. I like to talk and she's a little more private. However, when I talk, I don't just "shoot from the hip," but try to say think things through and word things carefully.

  • Fawn Weaver

    @365- I think our hubbies (e.g. you) are much better and thinking things through and wording things carefully. I'm working on that (along with most wives I know :) ). Thanks for stopping by and I love what you're doing on your site.

  • http://marriagepeace.wordpress.com/ Erika C.

    This sounds very much like my husband and me. He is very private and likes to make decisions slowly, while I’m totally open, and his slowness drives me crazy sometimes! In case anyone might find it helpful, here is an article I wrote this week about how wishing your partner was different is related to relationship envy: http://marriagepeace.wordpress.com/2014/09/29/consider-that-the-grass-probably-isnt-greener/ What I have had to realize is that if the things that are different between us changed, I would also lose the strengths that those qualities bring, like his ability to make really well researched and considered decisions. Not only that, but he would be like me, and goodness knows I would not want to be married to myself!