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21-Day Valentine’s Challenge: Extending the Romance Beyond Today

Ten years ago, Keith and I celebrated what was likely our last Valentine’s Day.  For weeks, I knew he had something big in the works and I was over the moon excited.

You see, in grade school, I was the awkward-looking girl who never got one of those neat candy grams with the red heart suckers and “will you be mine” notes.  So my entire life, I wanted to experience a beautiful Valentine’s Day.

So for our first Valentine’s Day as husband and wife, Keith meticulously planned the most amazing day I could possibly imagine.  It culminated with dinner in the city where he proposed, San Francisco.

At the end of our culinary delight, the waiter brought over the check.  As Keith was signing it, I caught a glance from across the table and let out an audible gasp.

It was at that moment I decided I never wanted him to feel pressured to create the perfect Valentine’s Day again.  

That’s why I love this post by HWC contributor, Christine St. Vil.  It takes this day that celebrates love and romance and extends it so there isn’t a pressure to do it all in one day.

So if you’re looking for a fun idea to continue the romance well beyond today, take this 21-day Valentine’s challenge.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

___________

I still remember the very first Valentine’s Day that my husband (then boyfriend) and I spent together nearly 15 years ago. He surprised me by cooking a steak dinner at home (and he by no means enjoyed cooking), and actually spent time going clothes shopping for me (he still doesn’t care to shop at all). The night was complete with chocolate, a teddy bear and lavender roses (my favorite).

All these years later, while I love spending time together and celebrating Valentine’s Day, it has nothing to do with the actual day. I see it as a day to celebrate the love of my life and all the joy he’s brought me many years later (and of course, I love flowers!). Yes, Valentine’s Day is sweet, but every day is Valentine’s Day in our house. So I thought it’d be great to start a marriage love challenge to emphasize that our love goes way beyond one day of the 365 in the year.

21 Day Romance Challenge

Week 1

Day 1 – February 14^th:  Leave a love note. Surprise your hubby and write him a short love note about why you appreciate him. Stick it in his lunch bag, on the seat of his car, in his jacket pocket, or anywhere else he’ll be surprised to find it.

Day 2 – February 15^th:  Hug and hug again. A good hug can be a powerful unspoken word. Take time today to snuggle up and cuddle with your man.

Day 3 – February 16^th:  Ask him what he needs. When was the last time you offered your hubby some help before he asked you for it? Ask him what would make his day today and then be sure to help him make it happen.

Day 4 – February 17^th:  Thank him. Is there something your husband always does that comes as second nature? Maybe he’s the one who always cooks, or he always collects the trash, or makes sure you get some time in with your girlfriends. Whatever it is, be sure to thank him specifically for that thing.

Day 5 – February 18^th:  Show your husband some love. But show him in the love language that he prefers. Have him take the quiz if you’re not sure. Understanding my husband’s love language was a huge eye opener for me.

Day 6 – February 19^th:  Flirt. Remember how you used to tease and flirt with your man before you got married? Get back to your high school/college flirty girl kinda days. Ask him to choose your bra & panty set for the day, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, or touch him where/how you know he likes to be touched. The sky is the limit.

Day 7 – February 20^th:  Kiss. The focus today is on kissing, so kiss like you did before you were married. Let’s see if you can get all 25 of these kisses in today.

Week 2

Day 8 – February 21^st:  Ask for his opinion. Yes, your tastes may differ and you may not always like what he has to say about certain things. But take a few minutes to ask his guidance on an important decision or project you’re working on.

Day 9 – February 22^nd:  Pray for him. Is there something you wish for your husband? Is there something he could do to improve your marriage? Do you wish he would go get his physical or tell you he loved you more? Today, don’t tell him (or in his opinion, nag him). Just put it in prayer.

Day 10 – February 23^rd:  Slow dance. Get out your wedding song, and when he least expects it, turn it on and take him by the hand. Be in the moment and reminisce on the day you exchanged vows. Put it on and repeat if you have to.

Day 11 – February 24^th:  His wish is your command. What is one hobby your husband enjoys that you don’t necessarily care for? Today, put your feelings aside and surprise him with his favorite hobby.

Day 12 – February 25^th:  Cook his favorite dish. And if you don’t cook, take him to his favorite restaurant. But you get to decide what’s for dessert *wink*

Day 13 – February 26^th:  Listen. No, really listen. Anytime your husband is speaking to you today, stop everything you’re doing and give him your undivided attention (yes that means stop tweeting, writing and checking Facebook messages).

Day 14 – February 27^th:  Text him. Send him a sweet text or picture message several times throughout the day (especially if you’re away from each other).

Week 3

Day 15 – February 28^th:  Laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine. Find opportunities throughout the day to spend time laughing with your husband.

Day 16 – March 1^st:  Talk to him. Use this day to share with your spouse any new dreams you have, and ask him about his.

Day 17 – March 2^nd:  Have you taken any boudoir pictures yet? If not, find a place to make an appointment to get them done today, then surprise him with a photo book full of your glamor shots.

Day 18 – March 3^rd:  Give. Today, focus on giving. Whether it’s an actual gift (big or small) or service, Give him a massage, a head rub, a gadget or maybe even just you. *wink*

Day 19 – March 4^th:  Workout together. Go to a gym or workout at home. Go for a walk or jog, or play a sport together. Get moving together and enjoy the cool down together too.

Day 20 – March 5^th:  Plan a surprise date night. Is there a movie you’ve been wanting to watch or a new restaurant you’ve been wanting to check out? Make it happen tonight.

Day 21 – March 6^th:  Compliment your spouse and shower him with words of praises. Let him know how much you admire him.

It doesn’t matter where you start in the challenge or how many times you go through each challenge. Just do it and enjoy the moments. And be sure to invite other happy wives to join in the challenge with you.

Will you be joining the challenge?

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Girlfriends’ Guide to a Great Marriage: 3 Easy Ways You Can Strengthen Marriages Around You Every Day

Throughout my travels this past week, to meet with women from the Happy Wives Club community, one thing quickly became abundantly clear.  We are increasingly becoming the silent majority.

Yes, forty-seven percent of marriages end in divorce.  But the larger percentage remain together until death do them part.  That is not to say all of them are happily married, but my goodness, certainly a larger number are happy than we would be led to believe.

I thought about this while on a call with an editor for Brides Magazine yesterday.  I was sharing with her how throughout my travels I’ve discovered those who are happily married generally remain silent while in groups where women are complaining about their husbands or marriage.

Maybe it’s because we don’t want to come across as know-it-alls, haughty, judgmental, disconnected or fake.  We want to be able to relate to our friends and in many occasions, we’ll poke fun at our husband’s flaws –even when they don’t really bother us- just to be a part of the conversation and feel connected with the group.

As I was sharing this with an editor at Brides Magazine yesterday, she said what she’d found worked in their offices is when someone begins complaining about their husband or marriage, someone else will quickly point out all the things that are positive in their spouse or the amazing gift of having a lifelong partner. 

Because they all know each other’s spouses, they make sure to highlight all that is wonderful and positive about one another’s husbands so when one does something that seems thoughtless or inconsiderate, they all remind that person of all the thoughtful and considerate things he’s done over the years.

“That’s really worked for us here when one of us starts complaining about our husbands,” she said.  “I have a feeling I’ll be turning this conversation into a blog post,” I told her.  And so it is.

When thinking about a Girlfriends’  Guide to a Great Marriage, there were three things that instantly came to mind that my girlfriends and I do for each other when it comes to our marriages.  Every one of my closest girlfriends have pretty awesome marriages (four of them are founding members of this club) and I think it’s because we encourage one another on one end, and like iron against iron, we sharpen one another on the other end.

If you’re not already doing this, here are 3 things you can do to help your girlfriends have great marriages too:

1. Help them stay focused on the positive.  Your girlfriend had 7 billion people in the world to choose from and she chose her husband.  Why?  What was it about him that was so special she decided to pledge ‘til death do us part’?  Remind her of those things.  In that moment when she’s frustrated and wants to focus on everything her husband does wrong.  Lovingly listen to her and then remind her of everything he does right.  All the things she’s shared over the years about what makes him great.  Sometimes marriage is like being too close to the trees to see the forest.  You can help remind her of what beauty is in the forest all around her.

 2. Help them change their thought that marriage is “hard work”.  Most of us are underpaid and underappreciated for the work we do.  When you call marriage “work,” you subconsciously tell yourself you are giving more than you are receiving.  But when you use words like “effort” or “investment,” there is an expectation there will be a reward.  The more effort you put in the more reward you will get out.  The more investment you put it, the larger the dividend that pays out.  By helping your friend change her phrase, “marriage is hard work,” to “marriage takes effort,” you have just changed how she sees her marriage. 

3. Remind them that flaws and mistakes don’t make the person.  We all have husbands who make mistakes, who are flawed and make seemingly thoughtless decisions at times.  The funny thing, is we often forget that we have flaws and make mistakes too.  By lovingly reminding your girlfriend that she is flawed, just like her husband, she can gently be reminded that we’re all a little crazy.  And having someone willing to put up with our craziness is worth the effort.

I haven’t written a blog post in weeks…aaaaah, it feels good to be back in the saddle. I hope you’ve enjoyed all the guest writers over the past few weeks and I look forward to sharing encouraging thoughts with you in the days ahead.

QUESTION: What other “tips” would you add to a Girlfriends’ Guide to a Great Marriage?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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5 Ways to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Marriage

Earlier today, I had the pleasure of sitting with a wonderful group of women in Atlanta as a part of my 12-City Coffee Talk Tour (I’m in Chicago today if you can find the time to join us). 

What I’ve loved most about going from city to city and speaking with women in this community is being surrounded by such positive energy.

I can’t even explain how encouraging it is to connect face-to-face with women who believe in the power of love, the beauty of marriage, and the joy of a lifelong union.

During our conversation, someone said, “Marriage is hard work.”  Her comment reminded me of something a couple I once interviewed said, “Maybe the work in marriage is in getting it not to feel like work.”

That led us to an insightful conversation about the difference between “work” and “effort” and how the outcome of those two things can vary greatly.  I look forward to sharing more from that conversation with you this week.  

As I read this guest post by HWC contributor, Aesha Roberts, I thought, this ties in perfectly as a great example of the type of efforts we can make consistently to keep the spark alive in our marriages. 

Simple and small efforts that can yield great reward.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

____________

I recently read a shocking statistic about marriage in a post from the New York Times: According to research, the passion and happiness a couple feels after they say “I do” typically only lasts two years.

As a happy wife who has been married for 7 years I can confidently say that it doesn’t have to be this way!

Research in the science of love reveals that it’s really simple to keep the spark alive in your marriage.  I’ve boiled it down to 5 simple practices that can take as little as 5 minutes per day.

You’re probably doing some or all of these things already, but when we do them with purpose and intention they become powerful! 

5 Ways to Keep the Spark Alive In Your Marriage

1) Appreciation: Look for new things to appreciate about your husband. For example, watch him for 48 hours and then say, “I love watching you (fill in the blank with something amazing about your husband).” This will help you see him in new ways and make him feel loved and valued. 

2) Spontaneity: I admit that this is a challenge for me, given the way that I love to plan everything. However, I experienced how amazing it can be to do things on the spur of the moment when my husband arranged a double date complete with a sitter in a matter of hours and whisked me away to enjoy a fun date night!  

3) Novelty: Simply doing something in a new way can re-ignite the passion in your relationship. For example, instead of just going out to dinner, try restaurant hopping. Go to one place for appetizers, another for your main course and another restaurant for desert. 

4) Variety: As much as my family loves the organic roasted chicken I make for dinner, they don’t want to eat it every night! The same could be said about many of the routines we have in our marriage, especially in the bedroom. Be intentional about spicing things up, especially between the sheets! 

5) Surprise: This can be as simple as stealing a passionate kiss when your husband least expects it, or as elaborate as planning a weekend getaway to a local bed & breakfast.  

It’s easy to get used to the things that make us feel good about being married such as routines, comfort, and security. The good news is that keeping the spark alive in your relationship doesn’t have to be complicated! Start with these 5 simple tips, 5 minutes per day and watch the love and passion in your marriage go to another level!

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One Simple Idea That Makes Every Marriage Better

Love, love, love this idea by HWC contributor, Kim Hall from TooDarnHappy.com.  

For the first three years of this site, I was almost the sole contributor.  Then earlier this year, I invited other happily married writers to join me.

Best. Decision. Ever.  

As I’m traveling the country this week hosting meet-ups with local Happy Wives Club members in 12 cities, it’s wonderful to not only write but to be able to enjoy reading articles like this one that remind us all how important the little things are in marriage.

If you haven’t already done what Kim suggests below, give it a try.  I did something similar earlier this year.  It truly is one simple idea that makes every marriage better.

Enjoy the post and I hope to see you as I continue to travel the country in the weeks ahead.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day! 

___________

Do you remember those colorful puzzles where you had to find everything that was wrong with the picture?  Maybe the side-by-side pictures in some magazines that ask you to find the differences between the two.

We leave no stone unturned in our search to figure out what is wrong.

Oh, the joy: A misspelled sign, a flying pig, an escalator to nowhere!

There was such a solid sense of satisfaction as you discovered and checked off each error.

But do you remember ever noticing the joy in those images?

Probably not, because you had your internal search engine programmed to find every mistake.

What you pay attention to about your spouse is very similar.

When you focus on your husband’s faults, it distorts the bigger picture and chips away at your relationship.

The solution is simple.

Shift your focus to the good to improve your marriage.

I’m not asking you to ignore issues.

I’m suggesting a different approach.

I want you to focus on being grateful.

Just once a day.

Because gratitude is the spoonful of sugar that helps marriage in the most delightful way. (Tweet that!)

I wrote previously about Darren Hardy’s Thanks-giving Journal.

Following an argument, he decided to write to his wife to let her know how grateful he was for her:

While he struggled at first to look for those blessings, he found his attitude had completely changed to one of deep love and thankfulness once he finished with his message.

Believing he had stumbled onto a great idea, he began a year long project.

Every day, he would spend a few minutes noting just one thing about his wife that he admired, adored, or enjoyed, and wrote it down.

At the end of the year, he gave his wife this Thanks-giving Journal.

She cried and said it was the best gift ever.

What happened?

He was paying attention to the good, to the woman he fell in love with so long ago.

He detailed for her how she mattered, both to him and others.

Not only did it change his daily focus, but it improved the quality of his marriage.

Look for reasons to express your gratitude towards your spouse.

I encourage you to write it down daily, because gratitude is a matter of practice.

Say it out loud, too, with words like thank you, I appreciate that, I am so grateful when you do that!

You just might re-discover more to love about your other half, improve your marriage, be happier, and give the most amazing gift to your husband (and yourself)!

Question: How often do you let your husband know you are grateful for him?

May you find happiness wherever you are! Kim at Too Darn Happy

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Meet Fawn & Happy Wives Club Members in Your City This Month!

 

Did you know today marks the 4th anniversary of the Happy Wives Club?  No kidding.  When I set the audacious goal of finding 1 million happy wives around the world, and then joining us together to shine a positive spotlight on marriage, who knew it would become such an amazing journey?  I sure didn’t.

Four years later, HappyWivesClub.com has twice been named Top Marriage Site by Readers.com.  Nearly 5 million people have visited this site.  We are now a community of nearly 750,000 women.  And when my book, Happy Wives Club, released a few weeks ago it debuted at #3 on the New York Times® Best Sellers list.

Through all of this, one of my greatest hopes has remained that I would one day meet you.  My dream is local chapters of the Happy Wives Club would spring up around the world.  Women coming together to support each other in community and to lift up one another’s marriages.  We need that, don’t you think?

As our Club has continued to grow, the task of launching local chapters has overwhelmed me.  I can’t quite figure out the best way to do it (**feel free to leave any brilliant ideas you have for this in the comment section **) but I know I want to connect with you and my heart’s desire is to connect you with each other.  

So when it was time to release my debut book, I met with my publisher and proposed going on a 12-city tour.  It would give me the opportunity to meet you face-to-face and to also introduce you with other Happy Wives Club members in your area.

Now, of course I can’t do this in every city across the globe.  My heart is truly at home and anything more than a couple days makes me home sick like crazy.  But I can do it in a few places and my hope is if I travel to your city, you will come out and meet me.  Then collectively, we’ll figure out how to replicate these sorts of gatherings around the world.  

So without further ado, I’m excited to announce…

In just a couple days, I’m hitting the road and would love to meet you along the way!

Bring your married girlfriends and join me and other women from the Happy Wives Club for a cup of coffee and great discussion.  And if you bring your copy of my newly-released book (now a New York Times® bestseller), I’ll be honored to autograph it.  You can also grab a copy at each event location.  Book or no book, I’m excited to connect with you and to connect you to other women in this community. 

Dates and locations are below.  Can’t wait to meet you!

2/6: Barnes & Noble, Phoenix, AZ
21001 N. Tatum Blvd. 7:00 p.m.
RSVP FOR THIS FREE EVENT!

2/7: Barnes & Noble, Dallas, TX
7700 West Northwest Hwy 7:00pm
RSVP FOR THIS FREE EVENT!

2/8: Books-a-Million, Katy, TX (Houston)
5000 Katy Mills Circle 2:00pm
RSVP FOR THIS FREE EVENT!

2/9: Barnes & Noble: Atlanta, GA
2900 Peachtree Road NE 2:00pm
RSVP FOR THIS FREE EVENT!

2/10: Books-a-Million, Chicago, IL
144 S. Clark Street 12:00pm
RSVP FOR THIS FREE EVENT!

2/18: Walmart, Seattle, WA 
743 Ranier Avenue 6:00pm
RSVP FOR THIS FREE EVENT!

2/21: Barnes & Noble, Glendale, CA
210 Americana Way 7:00pm
RSVP FOR THIS FREE EVENT!

2/15 3/8:  BookBar, Denver, CO* 
4280 Tennyson Street 5:30pm 
RSVP FOR THIS FREE EVENT! 
(*This event was rescheduled due to severe weather conditions during my first scheduled date.)

2/12 4/10: Barnes & Noble, Edina, MN (Minneapolis)* 
3225 W. 69th Street 7:00pm 
RSVP FOR THIS FREE EVENT! 
(*This event was rescheduled due to severe weather conditions during my first scheduled date.)

TBA:
New York, NY

TBA:
London, UK

TBA:
Sydney, Australia

5 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Strong Through Crazy Work Schedules

If only we could figure out a way to keep life and crazy work schedules from impacting our fabulous marriages, we’d be golden!

Unfortunately, the reality is if we don’t figure out how to manage our work schedules, they will quickly manage us.

This guest post by the always wonderful Paula Rollo can help whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, businesswoman or a combination of them both.

When workloads begin to encroach on your marriage and time with one another, feel free to push back and say, “Not in this house,”

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

____________

It can be tough to connect when one or both of you are working extra long hours.

My husband has had a crazy work schedule for most of our marriage, and so we’ve learned some important lessons along the way about how to thrive in a marriage when your time together is minimal.

At some points during our marriage we had conflicting work schedules, and other times my husband was working 55+ hours a week while I stayed home with the kids and even started working from home.

Our schedules are still subject to change, because of the industry my husband works in, but we’ve got a much better handle on how to keep our relationship thriving, even when our time together is not as much as we would like for it to be.

5 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Strong Through Crazy Work Schedules

1. Maximize the Time You Have Together - Don’t spend your time together lamenting that you don’t have more time! Instead, find fun things that create conversation and a relaxing atmosphere for you and your spouse! We try to have a game night at least once a week. This allows us to have fun and spend time chatting while doing something relaxing and entertaining for both of us. (I wrote about our favorite 2 player board games here if you want to check it out!)

2. Remember, It’s Only a Season – Even if it is a very long season, it is still just a season! Like I mentioned above, my husband has worked very long hours and had an unpredictable work schedule for most of our marriage. It is so easy to get frustrated with the scheduling during this season of life, but when I find myself getting upset I like to stop and remind myself this is just a season.

Four years with a difficult schedule is a long time for us, because we’ve only been married for 5 years and we’re only 23 years old (for those doing the math, yes, we did get married when we were just 18!). When I gauge the length of this season by those standards, it seems very long. BUT when I consider the “forever” that I have to spend with my spouse, picturing 4 years of wonky scheduling doesn’t seem like so long when compared with 70 years of marriage together! It’s all about the perspective.

3. Don’t Take Tiredness Personally – I remember for a long time I would get offended if my husband came home from work and went to sleep straight after dinner. Sometimes, he would even fall asleep in the middle of me talking to him.  This was tough for me to handle as a new wife, but then one night, we were lying in bed talking, he fell asleep in the middle of one of HIS sentences. Right then I realized, he’s just tired.

I learned that it doesn’t mean he’s bored of me, or doesn’t enjoy my company. It simply means he’s worked for 14+ hours straight today and he needs his sleep. Learning to understand that his tiredness had nothing to do with me, enabled me to be a much more gracious wife!

4. ‘Thank You’ Goes a Long Way – Remember to thank each other for working so hard. I can speak from experience that it can be rough running everything at home, but remember to thank him for all the work that he is doing to provide for the family. It’s a simple thing, but “thank you” can do a lot to encourage him after a long day of work.

5. Brainstorm Together – If the schedule is really not working for either of you, spend some time brainstorming together to see if you can come up with another way to make ends meet that wouldn’t be so difficult on one or both of you. Sometimes, even just exploring your options and figuring out that you are currently doing the best thing for your family, can help encourage each of you to keep going when the schedule gets tough!

How do you keep your relationship strong even when the work hours are not ideal? Share your tips in the comments!

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The Right Way to Recover From a Fight {3 Practical Tips Worth Remembering}

It is not often the prolific yet down-to-earth Kathi Lipp is able to guest post for us here at Happy Wives Club.

She’s the author of The Marriage Project and a ton of other wonderful books, she speaks, she teaches and when she’s not doing one of those three things she’s wife, mom and friend.

I’m honored to have here today with some very practical advice. 

Purposing to agree to disagree or resolve an issue without it resulting in an argument is always the goal.  But when that fails…here are 3 tips to recovering quickly…and the right way.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

____________

It had been a rough day.

My husband, Roger, and I both had surgery within the past month, and neither of us was getting a lot of sleep.

On top of being tired and in pain, we were both feeling the pressure of not accomplishing the things we needed to get accomplished with work, kids, church and life.

And that’s when the fight happened.

No, it wasn’t a knock-drag-out kinda fight. (Roger has much too calm a personality for our disagreements to escalate.) But he felt he was right and I wasn’t respecting that, and I had a different view point and didn’t feel I was being heard.

It lead to some not so uplifting and encouraging words.

These tensions happen to the best of couples. But how do you recover when there is obviously something strained between you? Here are a few techniques that, after the initial blow up, I use to help me (and us) get back to normal:

1.    Step Away

No, this doesn’t mean stomping off in a huff and slamming a door along the way just to make sure he knows that you’re mad. (Trust me, he knows…) This means getting a glass of water from the kitchen, taking the dog for a walk, or any other tactic to get you out of the red zone to stop you from escalating the situation.

2.    Stop Making Your List

Yep – it’s easy to start tallying all the ways your husband said the wrong thing, said it in the wrong way, and at the wrong time. This is where as an adult, I need to start looking at how I contributed to the blow up. Yes- I may have had valid points, or even been in the right, but this isn’t a customer service rep who isn’t helpful, this is my husband who I love and will be dealing with for a long time. Figure out your pattern and how it can be more constructive next time.

3.    The Objective is to Resolve – Not to Win

As long as you’re fighting, no one on either side will be heard and nothing will be resolved. Start sentences with phrases like, “When you said ___________, I felt ___________.”  Or, “What I heard you saying was _____________.”  These sentences keep you from blaming, and give both you and your husband time to work towards a resolution. And a resolution is the only way that either of you “win”.

Small conflicts in a marriage are healthy – and help you practice for when the bigger issues come up. Take these three steps to heart so that you and your husband will feel closer after a disagreement, not further apart.

Question:  How do you and your husband recover from a fight (or disagreement)?

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Limited & Exclusive Offer – 72 Hours Only!

I am SO excited about this offer I am sharing with you today.  But first I have to give you the back story so you know why it’s so important.

As you know, a couple weeks ago the Happy Wives Club book was released.  And if you saw the New York Times on Sunday, you likely know the book debuted at #3 on their Best Sellers list.  

It also debuted on the USA Today Best Sellers list.  This is just amazing and I am so appreciative of this remarkable community of supportive book buyers.  Thank you!

What you probably don’t know is the week of the launch was incredibly challenging for me.  Life throws you curve balls and usually I can manage, but this time they were just knocking me out.  

Keith and I flew to New York for what we expected to be a media tour surrounding the book.  But very little seemed to go right and we spent most of the time in our hotel room…waiting.  

I have to admit, I concerned myself with a feeling that perhaps no one would respond and questioning what it all meant.

On the morning of the launch, Keith and I decided to put the media situation behind us and go enjoy seeing my book in a retail store for the first time.  Without going into details, if we thought the media situation was bad, this was even worse.

It rocked our day.  We’d previously understood the book would have premium placement, but it was buried in the very last row of the first store we visited (and not even on the shelves at all in two more we went to – sitting in the back in a stockroom).  Perhaps I shouldn’t say this, but I was heartbroken. 

Fast forward to the end of the week, after a tough time in New York, I began getting notes on social media from those who saw the book in Target, purchased and had begun reading it.

Although my first “store experience” wasn’t great, we decided to brave one more attempt – this time at Target.  I’ll admit, I was a bit trepidatious when entering the store.  

Keith on the other hand was optimistic (or at least put on a brave face for me) and entered with excitement.  He quickly led the charge to the book section.  Walked down two rows and didn’t see the book.  Would this be deja vu?  But that wonderful man of mine didn’t give up.

He turned down another row, headed toward the Best Sellers section and slowly turned toward me grinning from ear-to-ear.  There it was, my labor of love two years in the making, in the row above books like Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean in and Giada’s new cookbook and below all the Duck Dynasty books (there’s a lot of those, my goodness).

We left that Target and went to another.  Same experience.  We enjoyed the experience so much, the following day we went to another Target.  Purchasing one book at each store.  

In an instant, Target redeemed what had begun as a very challenging week for me.  All that didn’t come together the week of the book launch no longer mattered.  One of the largest retailers in the world stood up and said, “We believe in the Happy Wives Club movement!”  And I am grateful beyond words.

That’s why I’ve been dying to do something special for them for the past few weeks.  And I think my publisher and I came up with something pretty amazing!

If you go to Target this week and purchase the Happy Wives Club book (it’s 20% off!), my publisher will send you a second copy for one of your closest friends – for FREE!.  

Then, at the beginning of next week, both you and the friend or family member you chose to join you on this journey, will receive a private Facebook invitation from me inviting you to an exclusive book club where you can ask me any and all questions about the book.  I will personally answer every question.

So here’s how it will work:

1. This week, go to your local Target store and pick up your copy of Happy Wives Club in the Best Sellers section for 20% off.

2. Take a picture with the book either in the store or right out front.

3. Share your picture on social media (Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram).

4. Fill out the short form below (make sure to include the best email address to contact you).

5. Get a FREE copy of Happy Wives Club for someone you know that needs encouragement in their marriage, simply needs to believe happy marriages still exist or someone who is already happy in their marriage and would love to celebrate it.

You’ll then receive an email from us on Monday to obtain the name and address of the person you would like to have receive the book (it can go to you too).  That’s it.  Voila!  What do you say?  Will you join me in helping say “Thank YOU” to Target for their amazing support of Happy Wives Club.   

*Sale has been extended one day through the close of business on Sunday, February 2nd.

12 Ways to Make Your Love & Marriage Last

I would not be exaggerating in the least to tell you that Maggie Reyes is one of my absolute favorite marriage bloggers.

She blogs over at ModernMarried.com and I absolutely love hearing stories about her and her husband as they clearly love, adore and respect one another.

The last time she wrote a guest post here and told us all to “Give some vitamin F2 every day” in our marriage, that post instantly went viral – shared more than 50,000 times within the first 24 hours.

When it came time to release my debut book, she not only joined more than 200 bloggers on a blog tour hosted in honor of launch week but she coordinated the entire thing.  I loved the post she wrote for the blog tour so much that I asked if I could share it with you. 

I could go on and on about how much she has meant to this community but instead, I’ll just let you meet her on your own.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

___________

I believe you can have a happy marriage.  It’s why I’m a proud member of the Happy Wives Club and encourage you to join us if you haven’t already.  It’s why I love the Happy Wives Club Book and hope millions read it. 

There was a time I thought I would be single forever. Then there was a time I thought I didn’t know how to be a wife.  Now, years after getting married, I can honestly say that happy marriages are possible and all around us. And I want you to have one.

Thinking about what makes a happy wife, a happy life and a happy marriage, I finally realized it was time to write my own manifesto.

The following is my verbal declaration of intentions and views on what makes love last.

12 Ways to Make Your Love & Marriage Last

1. Check in EVERYDAY. Asking “how was your day?” is the key to being part of your honey’s life. Don’t take that question for granted. Don’t grunt and say okay and move on to “what’s for dinner.” You married the love of your life so you could be with them every day right? Remember that.

2. There is no auto-pilot for love. Flirt. Kiss. Hug. Remember that you create your relationship with every text, every wink, every “good morning” and every “can’t wait to see you tonight after work.”  Never stop creating and you will never stop loving.

3. Dream Deeper instead of bigger. Dreaming deeper is asking how you would like to spend your time, not your money, and then finding ways to do more and more of that every day. What makes your heart sing? Do that. Trust me on this, it’s not the car you drive, it’s how you drive it.

4. Forget “the institution of marriage” and remember “the family of us.” We are all making it up as we go along. And that’s okay, you are in this together!

5. Pour love into pain as often as needed. Forgive. Forget. Let go. Move on. Love more. Open your heart to receive love when you need it too. If you aren’t sure how to receive, say so. Use your words. Listen with compassion. Believe that it will all work out in the end. It will.

6. Remember that feeling you had on your honeymoon? So much joy and laughter and love. Feel that now. Yes, right now. If your honey did something hyper-annoying right before you read this, then just close your eyes and remember the feeling you had back then. Take a deep breath and remember that feeling. How can you bring it forward to today? Take turtle steps if you need to.

7. Say no to negativity. No criticizing, complaining or eye rolling. Ever. Make requests not complaints. Remember at the end of a request you may get what you asked for. At the end of a complaint all you get is an argument.

8. Keep the sexy going. Studies show married people have better sex. You are married. The odds are in your favor. Practice.

9. Make deposits into your emotional bank account every day. Run little errands, bring coffee, take the dry cleaning. Be kind. Act like a team. Remember you are on the same one.

10. Make space for friends. Your husband may not want to know that your favorite color of lipstick was discontinued. And he definitely does not want to know which star of Downton Abbey you think is the cutest. Even if your husband is your best friend, make time for girlfriends. They can help you keep your marriage stronger.

11. Let go of the idea of perfection. Expect marriage to be crooked and chipped and weathered. Expect it to grow and change and surprise you. Expect to be disappointed every once in a while. It happens. Nothing is wrong. That is life. Expecting perfection is the root of so much pain. Expect largely imperfect love instead. You can write your own love story and it can be beautiful, even if the curtains are dusty and the plates are chipped.

12.  Believe in the power of love and of that force to get you through tough times.  Love is the highest power of all.  Use it. 

QUESTION: Have you written your own marriage manifesto?

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4 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life…Today!

I have spent the past two years interviewing and surveying thousands upon thousands of happy wives and one of my greatest discoveries was how minimal the difference is between what makes a happy wife and what makes an unhappy one.

The two greatest distinctions are these: 1) Assigning a greater weight to all that is right about one’s spouse and marriage while assigning a lesser weight to what needs improvement; and 2) A mastering of the basics…consistently.

So often, we find ourselves looking for “the next best thing” in nearly everything.  

We hop from diet to diet, instead of sticking with the time tested, science backed plan of input versus output.  Burn off more calories than you eat.  It’s as simple -and as difficult- as that.

When it comes to sex in marriage, so often we’re looking for earth-shattering advice that will revolutionize our sex life.  But sometimes, what we need is to return to the basics and to master those.  

For many of us, the “spice” we’re looking for can be found in what we’ve previously discovered.  For others, what you’ll read today might be brand new information.

Either way, I’m hoping this post by HWC contributor, Andrea Cairella, will help you heat up the bedroom (or any room in your house you deem worthy ) tonight.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

____________

Do you want to spice things up in the bedroom?  Well you are not alone.  Typically couples say they have sex 1x per week, but statistics show that actually 15% of couples have sex every 6 months to a year. And since a sex life is an important aspect of a fulfilling  and satisfying marriage -both for men and women- let’s talk about 4 spicy sex secrets that can ignite a spark in your bedroom.

1. Rekindle the Old.  If it has been a while since you have had sex it is helpful to reconnect with the basics. Do you remember the pleasurable hugs, caresses and kisses you shared with your partner when your relationship began?  One way to ease your way into rekindling the intimacy and connection is to spend a few minutes hugging each other until each of your bodies relax completely. This allows both of you to let go, get out of your head and connect with your physical body.

   David Schnarch author of the Passionate Marriage writes the following about sex in marriage, “Discovering the untapped potentials within even a simple hug expands your opportunities for a deeply fulfilling sexual connection.”

2. Focus on the Sexual Journey.  Instead of focusing on the orgasm as the main goal, task or objective, I recommend focusing on the present moment, becoming mindful and attuned to your body sensations, making eye contact with your partner and connecting with your breath. This helps with reducing anxiety and feeling closer to your partner.
3. Spice Things Up. Once you have the two basics down you can take it up a notch and incorporate the next suggestions. You can have a make out session like when you were a teenager or massaging each other with or without your clothes on.  If you would like to expand your current sexual borders, you can read books on sex enhancement, try a tantric sex course or try a new sexual toy to enhance the quality of the sex in your marriage.
4. Manage Negative Beliefs or Judgments. If you have negative beliefs about your body image you can begin doing affirmations such as: “I am beautiful and sexy” to counter any negative thoughts that get in the way of grace and self-love.  Be willing to connect with your sexual essence by being playful, creative, spontaneous, open and vulnerable.  And if any negative beliefs about the topic of sex get in your way, you can begin challenging those negative beliefs and redefining what sex can mean for you in the present and future of your marriage.

As a fellow Happy Wives Club member you are invited to join me this Wednesday for my Sexy, Hot and in Love Webinar!   It’s 100% free so if you’re looking to spice up your sex life just a little more…here’s your personal invite to join me HERE for 4 spicy tips!

With love and gratitude xxoo,

Andrea

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7 Simple Ways to Create a Marriage That Rocks

It is rare for our home page to be turned over to the husband of one of our members.  But the few times it has happened, it has always been a genuine treat.  Today is no exception.

Byron Davis is a life and career coach, the founder of Live Your Epic Life, and most importantly, a phenomenal husband.  I know this about him because I know him personally, as well as his beautiful wife, Annett. 

He adores his wife.  Is never afraid to dote over her in public.  Respects her.  And is her greatest supporter.

Annett and Byron were college sweethearts, and although they celebrated their 17th anniversary last year, I can honestly say they still remind me of two newlyweds.

I have watched their relationship over the years and their love -and marriage- is the real deal.  And now he’s joining us to share some simple tips on creating, and maintaining, a beautiful marriage that lasts a lifetime.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

___________

There are a few times a year when it just feels right to declare epic shifts and we desire to push the reset button on purpose in order to reboot our lives.

The first month of the year is one of those times. Now is the perfect time to refresh our minds, our bodies, and our marriages so that we continue to make our marriages “epic” by intentionally making the rest of our lives the best of our lives!

7 Simple Ways to Create a Marriage That Rocks!

1. Keep Your Marriage A Top Priority

I realize this first one should go without saying but everyone knows how “life” goes. We get busy and over extended and the first two things we seem to always neglect are our health and our marriages. Get clear about the 2 or 3 things you and your spouse love doing together every month and protect those times together. Put them in your schedule immediately before the tyranny of the urgent sets in.

2. Renew Your Vows In A Fun And Creative Way

Renewing our vows is always a special time. If you have not done it in awhile, why not have some fun with it. Instead of the traditional “church” or scenic park, why not arrange to do it on the back nine of a golf course, or on surf boards, or on the top of Mount Whitney. I think you get the drift. Make renewing your vows an epic and creative event to commemorate the bond between you two.

3. Put Your Spouse First Then Your Kids

Just like it makes sense to place your oxygen mask on before you place the mask on your kids (in case of an emergency plane landing), it’s important to take care of the health of your marriage before you attend to the kids.

This is great advice for two simple reasons: 1. If you truly want the best for your kids, then be sure to model the best in front of your kids. 2. The more strong and happy you are with your spouse the stronger and happier the whole family will be. My family is one of the happiest I’ve ever seen, and I truly believe it’s because my wife and I laugh and have fun together (it rubs off on the entire family).

4. Have a “State of The Union” Address

The first month of the year is a great time to take a walk in the park with your spouse and dream about how you want your year to play out. Highlight the blessings and milestones over the past year and establish what new and exciting things you will look forward to together. When you connect through this sort of exercise it puts both of your heads and hearts on the same page which instantly deepens the relationship without any more effort.

Here’s how we did ours (with all the questions we asked included)!

5. Change The World Together

Decide to be “that couple”, you know the one that gets all of your couple friends to volunteer for a day or do an epic bike ride or walk for a cause. When you both work together on something neutral like this, it brings you together in a unique sort of way that celebrates the “philanthropist” in both of you. Lead together. Don’t just do it together. Together, get others to join you.

6. Out Give Each Other

When both parties decide to try to out give each other unconditionally, it brings out the creativity in how you express appreciation for one another. Out giving each other also causes you to be more observant and in-tune with each others needs, wants, and desires. This regular kind of attention to each other develops a servant’s heart and a deeper appreciation for what each of you brings to the relationship.

7. Become Each Others Biggest Fan

This one is powerful. Ladies, take it from me, a “man’s man”; sometimes we are insecure little boys at heart and the one vote of confidence that trumps all others is yours. When you encourage and correct us (by making it seem like it was our idea, in the ninja sort of way that you do) we feel like we can take on the world and would do anything in turn to support you. When both parties are in on the act, the more you give, truly the more you’ll also receive.

Make Today Epic,

Byron

Question:  What things do you intentionally do to make your marriage rock?

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National Husband’s Day {700,000 Strong, So We’re Sponsoring It!}

When I boldly declared on November 22,2013 that in three short months this club would be sponsoring a new national holiday, I missed one critical component: Time.  

My lack of it and a need for more of it to be dedicated to lobbying for a holiday set aside to celebrate our amazing husbands.

Following my initial meetings with a planning committee about this special day, my thought was, How hard can it be?  There’s National Peanut Butter Day, National Noodle Day and even National Sock Day.  

Surely, it would be easier for a community of nearly 700,000 women to get a holiday named after husbands around the world.  

Then I realized something.  All those “Days” are recognized by few other than the brands and marketing teams promoting them.

Growing up, I remember my excitement every year as we got closer to June as I knew we’d be celebrating Children’s Day.  It was circled on my calendar and I was beyond overjoyed each year when that day finally arrived.  

Although our parents poured an extra heaping of love and encouragement on us that day, what I really loved about Children’s Day was the candy.  In our household, health food reigned supreme.  But on Children’s Day, there was no shortage of candy for this sweets-loving body of mine.

So as I began researching how to make National Husband’s Day a reality, I looked a little closer at the origins of Children’s Day.  Did you know, for instance, that it dates back to the 1800′s and proclamations observing the day have be made by government leaders around the world for the past 200 years?  Children’s Day even predates Mother’s and Father’s Day.

The more I thought about it, the less I wanted National Husband’s Day to be some rushed and made up “holiday” with nothing behind it but a great marketing campaign.  Our husbands deserve better.

With so many negative connotations associated with the role of husband these days, we want to celebrate the true stand-up men around the world.  So I hope you don’t mind, but as the founder of this club, I made a decision on behalf of our community.

The HWC team will work extremely hard in the coming year to lobby various government officials until we can find at least one who will proclaim the January 22nd National Husband’s Day.  Then we will all work together to create a day incredibly special; one that recognizes a minority sector of the population who truly deserve our admiration.

So if you are in support of us moving full steam ahead with sponsoring a national holiday celebrating our husbands, print a copy of this certificate, sign your name and give it to your husband.  Let him know that next year, when National Husband’s Day is recognized as an official day of celebration, it will be because of how well he’s loved you.

His love is what made you join this community.  His honesty, integrity and character is what makes you want to stand up and celebrate him.  And because of him, and so many others like him, we are joining together to make sure husbands around the world are recognized.

Are you in?

I’ll keep you updated over the next six months as to our progress and come this time next year, I’m looking forward to seeing lots of confetti – at your house and mine. 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day! 

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

5 Special Gifts for National Husband’s Day

On January 22, 2014, we sponsored an unofficial new holiday: National Husband’s Day. A special day set aside for the nearly 1 million women in the Happy Wives Club community to celebrate our husbands.

Initially, my hope was we’d be able to get a government official to proclaim the day on our behalf. Our team began working on that and quickly realized the many complications of getting a date named as a holiday officially. But who needs official?

National Peanut Butter Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays. No government official has yet to recognize that officially but that doesn’t stop me from indulging in a few more spoonfuls of that tasty stuff just at the mention of its national holiday.

So let’s celebrate our special day together!

To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.

1. Print this certificate. If you didn’t get a chance to print this off last year, you may still want to print it now to let your husband know you’re a proud member of this club and because of his love, you’ve sponsored this day honoring him. This is the original sponsorship certificate so it includes the original 2014 date. Here is one dated for 2015.

2. Customize this proclamation. If you printed the above certificate last year as one of the original sponsors of National Husband’s Day (or even if you didn’t), we’ve created a customizable proclamation for you to give your husband this year. Customize it. Print it out (legal size paper). Frame it. Then deliver to him a gift sure to make him proud. (If your computer doesn’t allow you to customize the PDF, print this one to handwrite his name and your name instead).

3. Print a customized Book of Love. This fantastic DIY coupon book from The Dating Divas is something sure to knock your husband’s socks off. Surprise him with this creative book that gives him all the things he wants most…one coupon at a time.

4. Write the perfect love letter. Have you ever written your husband a love letter? Not just a few words at the bottom of a card but actually write the card yourself? If not, today’s a pretty fantastic day to sharpen your writing skills. To make it easy, here are 7 ways to write the perfect love letter.

5. Spoil your spouse date night. There’s no better night than tonight to spoil your spouse. This date night is all about doing what your husband loves to do. No marital compromise here –this is his night!

Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.