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The Day I Almost Yelled At My Husband (How the Law of Acceleration in Marriage helps to keep your emotions in check)

The speed of my feet was no match for the flood of thoughts rushing through my mind. I walked quickly up and down the residential hills of our community.

“How dare he do that? After I opened my heart and our home so his parents could be comfortable, how could he be so thoughtless?”

Keith and I were in our early years of marriage and it had only been a few months since his parents moved in with us. When we extended the invitation, I made one very important request.  Please, no junk food in the house.

Ten years prior, I’d spent six months slowly losing 25-pounds and had maintained the loss.  One of the bedrocks of my weight-loss success was not keeping junk food in the house.

A few months into our new living arrangement, I woke up to the aroma of freshly baked pies and just about hit the roof.

The smell had been wafting through the air-conditioning vent of our bedroom for hours. After not being able to sleep because my sweets-loving body wouldn’t allow it, I finally got out of bed and went in the kitchen. 

To my dismay, Keith’s Mom was happily making homemade pies – lots of them.

I could feel the anger rising inside of me.

I returned to our bedroom, anger directed at Keith, “This isn’t right. It’s not right. I’ve done everything I can to make them comfortable…”  I was upset with him because I’d asked him to address the issue on an earlier occasion and he didn’t.

I knew if I stuck around for even two more minutes, I would be embarking upon the first argument ever with my loving husband. So I bolted.

I threw on my tennis shoes and decided to walk until all the angry voices in my head quieted down. For the first hour, those voices got louder and louder.

“You have every right to be mad!” one voice said. “You should call Keith and give him a piece of your mind!” another one jabbed.

What was going on at that moment was an example of what I like to refer to as the Law of Acceleration in Marriage.

In 2010, Toyota drivers began reporting incidents of their cars accelerating while they were pressing on the brakes.  One Toyota owner shared his story with a local paper.  For thirty miles, he swerved in and out of traffic, pounding on his brakes, at one point narrowly missing a big rig.

A police officer responding to the driver’s 9-1-1 call pulled up beside him and instructed him to hold down the brakes with his full might while engaging the emergency brake.  Finally, the car came to a halt.

What Toyota drivers were experiencing is what so often happens to us when our spouse hurts, disappoints, or makes us sad. Rather than sticking with the original emotion—that place of vulnerability—we allow the voices in our head to cause us to accelerate.  When we zoom ahead, we go from being hurt to angry, from disappointed to frustrated, and from sad to mad.

The day of the “junk food incident,” I knew if I didn’t get out of the house—right then, right there—I was going to lose control. So I kept walking.

I was gone for six hours (only stopping twice, once to leave a message for Keith letting him know where I’d gone and once at a diner to get something to eat). By the time I returned home, I’d completely silenced the voices and was able to share my hurt from a place of vulnerability.

We talked about it. I expressed why I was hurt. He expressed his difficulty in trying to make me happy while wanting his folks to feel comfortable in their new place.

Keith saw my side and I saw his. We decided not to say anything to his folks so they could continue feeling comfortable in their new home. Instead, we designated a “junk-food cabinet” and I simply stayed out of it.

In reading this, you might think I lost this battle. But I can assure you the outcome was completely worth the loss. The moment I returned from my walk, Keith’s eyes met mine, he pulled me into his arms, embraced me, and told me he was sorry.

In that moment, I understood firsthand the law of acceleration in marriage and how to put the brakes on my thoughts to ensure we could communicate heart-to-heart rather than head-to-head.  

Until Monday…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

 

THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.

The Marriage Tip Only Few People Know (P.S. It Changes Everything)

Several years ago, I came home for lunch in the middle of my work day and did something I’d never done before.  I sat on the couch and turned on the television.

I am a believer that all things happen for a reason. 

My usual departure from running around the kitchen, stuffing something into my mouth and then heading back to work was –I believe- so I could share this with you. 

On my television screen that day sat Rosie O’Donnell on the couch that made Oprah the “queen of talk.”  Attempting to make reparations to her image, Rosie talked about the huge fight between her and iconic journalist Barbara Walters, which resulted in O’Donnell leaving the Emmy-award-winning show The View.

Oprah asked, “Do you regret that moment?”

“Yes, I do,” O’Donnell responded. She said she regretted using her words as weapons and how her out-of-control rage “scared” Walters.

What O’Donnell said next confounded even the talk-show host herself: “For me, at that moment, if I had been braver, I would have just cried and said, ‘You really hurt my feelings.’”

Clearly dumbfounded, Oprah clapped her hands as if having one of her famous aha moments and said, “That is so interesting! That you would say, ‘If I had been braver, I would have just cried.’  Because oftentimes crying is perceived as the weak thing to do.”

She then asked O’Donnell why crying would have been braver than yelling and saying hurtful words.

“Because then you’re vulnerable. Then the authentic feeling that I had, [which] was pain and hurt and rejection [would have come out].”  Instead, as she told Oprah, she put on the same armor she’d chosen to protect her since she was a child.  She shielded her vulnerability, and masked her hurt feelings, with anger.

Consider the last time you were in an argument with your spouse. Hold that thought there for a brief moment, but don’t allow yourself to become angry all over again.  Now that you have the thought in your mind, let’s talk about it.

What was the exact thing that set you off? I’m talking about what you felt, not what you discussed. What was your original emotion in that moment? Was it hurt? Fear? Sadness? Disappointment? Insecurity?  What portion of your underbelly was exposed?

When we become angry enough to begin arguing, especially with someone we love as much as our spouse, we have allowed the original emotion—which would expose our vulnerability—to be covered up by a more aggressive, defensive response.

Rather than exposing the softer side of ourselves, we put up a shield and pull out our verbal sword and begin swinging. We swing left, we swing right, aimlessly out of control and missing the target every time. Yes, we may slice and dice the heart of our spouse, but we miss the mark because we’ve not dealt with the true emotion we’re feeling.

In 2010, I founded the Happy Wives Club with five women who all lived within a 20 mile radius of my home.   Now, just four years later, the club has grown to a community of over 750,000 women in more than 110 countries.

Each week, I write on the pages of the this blog.  I post encouraging words for you.  I share great tips from other happy wives and spend hours each day responding to emails from women around the world.

When writing my book, I traveled to 12 countries on 6 continents interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more to deduce the common denominators.  But never -not in the book or on my blog- have I shared this one marriage tip.  

I am open as a book when it comes to this community and yet there is one secret I have kept to myself for all these years.  And quite frankly, if I hadn’t accidentally let it slip in a recent interview with a writer from Babble, who then wrote a full page article on it, it would probably still be my little secret. 

Well, here goes… (Please don’t judge.)            

My husband, Keith, and I –in our nearly 11 years of marriage- have never argued.  Anyone who knows us can attest to us both being strong and independent people, but in all that time, I’ve never raised my voice at him and he’s never raised his at me.

We talk about everything.  And I mean everything.  We don’t suppress or repress our feelings and we never say things under our breath.  We don’t sweep anything under the rug.  If he does something I don’t like, I let him know it.  When I do something he’s not very fond of, you better believe he lets me know.  From an early age, I’ve always been a bit of a fire piston.  (I can hear my father in heaven saying, “Amen!”)  And Keith is the strongest man I know.

And yet, we’ve never argued.  How is that even possible?  It’s my difficulty in answering that question in a short blog post or article that has kept me from even attempting to try.  The short answer is this: 1) Mutual respect and 2) We stick to the original emotion.

We strive, every moment we are together, to remain vulnerable with one another.  Yes, that can feel strange at first, but I have to tell you, it feels amazing because we’ve never wasted time making up.  Now, of course that means we’ve never experienced “make-up sex” (which I hear can be pretty fantastic).  But then again, why not figure out a way to create that passion –inside and outside of the bed- without the preceding anger?

Most of us are taught from an early age that arguing is normal. Getting mad is how couples communicate when upset. We are shown how to guard our true feelings and emotions by protecting our hearts. We learn that it’s better to go on the offensive than to find ourselves exposed. The problem with all this in marriage is that learned behavior leads to blind conversations. You’re never really fighting about what it is you think you are fighting about.

Sticking with the original emotion—remaining in a place of vulnerability—is the crux of bypassing arguments and getting to the heart of a matter.  My husband and I didn’t learn our “love languages” (as wonderfully defined by Dr. Gary Chapman) until we’d been married nine years.  But it didn’t matter because our respect for one another was so great that everything we did and said was with love and the highest amount of honor.  

Mutual vulnerability and respect allows you both to lay it all out on the table. Your dreams, hopes, ambitions, fears, hurt … nothing is off-limits.

We can’t keep everything bottled inside. We all need to have that one person we can be completely honest with about our perceived failures, hurts, successes, and hopes. We need to have at least one person who will love and respect us unconditionally. Who better than the one who shares your bed at night to share your deepest desires also?

As Rosie O’Donnell reminded us all through her uncontrolled rage that fateful day in Barbara Walters’ dressing room: there is great wisdom in sticking with the original emotion, if we would just be brave enough to be vulnerable.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

 

THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.

5 Ways to Foster the Most Important Skill for a Happy Marriage

When I look into my husband’s eyes, I fall deeper in love each and every day.  

Is it because he is without fault?  Of course not.

Is it because he loves me better each day?  Well, that certainly helps.

Is it because I know all there is to know about marriage?  Absolutely not.  

I’m not a marriage expert, I’m an intentional learner.  And it is my intention to learn all I can from those who have succeeded in marriage for decades and decades, and apply it in my own marriage.

One of the most effective lessons I’ve learned over the years is the importance of fostering this incredibly important skill set in our marriage.

It’s fascinating how making this simple attitude adjustment changes the way we view the world and all that is in it, including our marriage and our mates.

Life and parenting coach, Tamazin Heher with ZinHeher.com, shares her top five tips.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

(P.S. Minneapolis Residents: I’m headed your way this Thursday (4/10)! See me on Twin Cities Live at 3pm and then meet me at 7pm. More Info Here.)

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When you and I fell in love with our spouses, it’s likely we both adored and admired every little thing about them. 

Do you remember that?  

If you’re anything like me, the many wonderful things that made your husband special always trumped his idiosyncrasies and flaws.

But as with all things, once the newness wears off and time goes on, it’s easy to take the good stuff for granted and to focus more on what we don’t have than what we do.

So how do we turn a “Honey-Do” marriage back into a Honeymoon marriage?

It will likely not come as a surprise to you that research shows fostering an attitude of gratitude may be the single most important skill for a happy marriage.  Of course, there are many other important skills you can foster, but gratitude always remains at -or very close to- the top of the list.  

So if you want to take your marriage from good to great, it may not take much; just an attitude of gratitude adjustment.

5 ways you can make a gratitude adjustment:

1. Nurture fondness and admiration.  Remember the first time you saw your husband doing something he was really good at? It was sexy right? Take the time to pay attention and admire his strengths and his passions. Make a list of these, from the highly skilled tasks to the mundane, and then take time to witness him engaging in these activities. Before long, you’ll become his biggest admirer (again).

2. Be mindful. Chances are you are surrounded by his actions of love, big and small, every day. Practice mindfulness by actively noticing the things he does on a daily basis. Even if the actual frequency of “acts of love” doesn’t increase, you will experience an increase: we see more of what we pay attention to in our lives.

3. Share your gratitude with him. Tell him in the moment, leave him a note, or write him a letter of gratitude. When we express gratitude to our partners we develop trust and respect, and a desire in our partner to reciprocate. Research has found that couples who have ongoing reciprocal appreciation report being more committed and have longer-lasting relationships.

4. Listen.  While expressing gratitude may not come as any surprise, what may not be as intuitive about gratitude is listening. Sacrificing your time to really listen to what he’s saying shows that you value him more than anything else in that moment. So make eye contact, lean in and ignore the text that just came in.

5. Give and you shall receive. When we express gratitude, we’re not only giving something to the receiver, but doing something for ourselves. When we say “thank you” we are also acknowledging “I’m worthy”. People who regularly participate in a gratitude practice report feeling more satisfied, are more optimistic, have fewer health complaints, and are 25% happier than their non-gratitude practicing counter-parts.

Question:  How do you show gratitude to your husband?

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

The Best Marriage Advice I Got: Begin With The End in Mind

Isn’t ironic how a marriage series, pulled together in a matter of a day by four different bloggers, could be so impactful?

Today, is the final day of this impromptu series.  I keep referring to it as impromptu because I didn’t have any clue I would host it it until the first post by Maggie Reyes went live on Monday.

As soon as I hit “publish”, I thought, How amazing would be be if I could gather “best marriage advice” articles from four spectacular women and publish a new one each day through the end of the week?

That thought became action and all the women I reached out to responded with excitement.  

I chose these four bloggers because I know they are all happily married and the best advice they’d received along the way was certainly being applied in their own marriages (even if they weren’t conscious of it).

What I didn’t anticipate was how different their answers would be which made it that much more enjoyable and inspiring.  I’m so grateful I was fortunate enough to host this series.  It truly has been one of my favorites.

Cheers!  And enjoy this beautiful lesson shared by Christine St. Vil with MomsNCharge.com after interviewing her parents who have been married for more than 47 years.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Like Paula in yesterday’s post, I have to admit that I too, had to really think about this question.

What was the best marriage advice I’d ever received?

I tried to think back to our wedding video and the sweet words of wisdom that were left by so many of our guests, but nothing was sticking out. I thought back to my bridal shower and the almost seven years we dated before we got married, but nothing was really coming to me.  

I then tried to think of all of the interviews I’ve conducted with married couples in the last couple of years, but still nothing really jumped out at me.

But then, something kept coming to me. 

It was the advice my parents shared in an interview I did with them last year when asking about how they got to year forty-seven in their marriage.

This is advice I always had in the back of my head, but I now define it more clearly:  The only end goal you should have in marriage is to honor, love and cherish each other until the day you die.  And the only way to do that is to understand that marriage was not designed for your own benefit. When you understand this, tensions that may arise, don’t last very long.

This “end goal” thought process has taken some time for me to fully understand and appreciate. My husband and I have been through several growth spurts, many impactful changes, and really learning how to communicate effectively.

When you take off the wedding dress, the fancy shoes, the make-up and the tiara, and all you have are your wedding vows to stand on and your spouse by your side, you realize that the only exit strategy in marriage is death. And I don’t know about you, but I want to be alive for a very long time.

I will gladly work through my obstacles and challenges in my marriage because I know that those moments are just that…moments. They don’t define our marriage. They only make our marriage stronger, and allow us to work more fluidly together as a unit.

Beginning with the end in mind means that we may not agree on an issue today or tomorrow.  But we have a lifetime together to make it work.  It means that there are days we’ll make each other really happy, and there will be days where we may not even want to talk to each other.  It means that there will be days when we can’t keep our hands off of each other and days where we don’t even want to touch.

But there will be so many more days that we spend joking, laughing, cuddling, and hugging. Those are the days that we choose to focus on because those are the days that will allow us to focus with the end in mind.

Beginning with the end in mind means that we are working towards one goal…together.  It means that we’re in this marriage journey together, as one unit.  And as Kim Hall pointed out earlier in this series, there is a whole lot of strength when harnessing the power of two. 

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Watch Closely…Or You May Miss the Best Marriage Advice Never Told

If this is your first time to Happy Wives Club this week, you’ve missed a great series, so allow me to catch you up.

I asked four of my favorite writers, who happen to also be contributors for this site, one question:

“What is the best marriage advice you’ve ever received?”  

On Monday, the wonderful Maggie Reyes at ModernMarried.com answered that question in her post entitled The Best Marriage Advice We Ever Got.  

On Wednesdsay, the amazing Kim Hall at TooDarnHappy.com answered that same question on her post entitled Strong & Happy Marriages Begin Here.

And today, this impromptu series continues with Paula Rollo giving us another beautifully written response.  

When I finished reading Paula’s post on the best marriage advice never told, I emailed her and said, “Your post just gave me Goosebumps!”  Because it did.  You’ll see…just scroll down.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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My husband and I received a bit more than our fair share of strange advice when we got married. It wasn’t all negative, but when you get married 35 days after you meet there are definitely more than a few naysayers. 

We did, however, have many supporters and received lots of sweet cards with wonderful words of encouragement and advice. 

I can tell you verbatim some of the bad advice we got, simply because it struck me, even at age 18, that “this would never work!” Strangely, I can’t recall much of the positive advice we received.

Looking back, the most important guidance we received for our marriage, was not found in a witty one liner, or an inspirational quote about love. Nope, the advice that remains firm in my mind was found elsewhere. 

It’s the way my great grandmother would smile fondly (and roll her eyes) as my great grandfather told a corny joke that she had probably already heard a couple thousand times. 

The advice I cherish is found in the way he’d grin at her and say “Oh, but this is the way we like dinner tonight dear” when she would fret over slightly burned bread or meat that was just a hint too dry. 

The most important lessons I’ve ever learned about marriage came from watching our loved ones love each other.

From my in-laws who are two of the most loving and understanding people around, to our young friends who steal glances at each other with so much meaning in their eyes. 

If you take the time to look, you can feel the love radiating off of couples. It’s beautiful and it’s wonderful. 

Our marriages don’t all “work” the same way, but there are a few things we’ve all got figured out. Loving one another, cherishing each other, working together. Building our lives as one.

I’ve always been a person who learns visually, and that might be why I glean so much, just from watching people love each other.

I never got personal marriage advice from my great-grandparents, as my great-grandfather was already gone by the time I wed, but their lives taught me more about marriage, simply by watching them love than any beautiful words they ever could have uttered to me face-to-face. 

To sum it up, what is the best marriage advice I’ve ever gotten? To live in love. 

Live reflecting the love that you share, the love that you are building together. You never know, it could make all the difference in the lives of the younger generation as they watch you love your spouse! I know it has in mine. 

COMMENTS: Has the way that someone has shown love to their spouse inspired you? Tell us how below. 

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

 

THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book line none other.

Strong & Happy Marriages Begin Here: Harnessing the Power of Two

Earlier this week, I published this fabulous post by Maggie Reyes.  In it, she answers a very simple question:

What is the best marriage advice you’ve ever received?

After reading how unique her answer to this question was, I wondered if I asked three more of my favorite writers the same question, if they’d all have similar answers.

The answer, in short, is not even close.

Each response was so different, wonderful, visual and unique that I’ve asked each one to write an article for you sharing the best piece of marriage advice they’ve received along this journey called life.

I hope you enjoy this impromptu series that began on Monday, The Best Marriage Advice We Ever Got.  Part one was written by Maggie with ModernMarried.com.  Part Two, what you are about to read, was written by the wonderful Kim Hall at TooDarnHappy.com.

Every day, for the remainder of this week, I’ll publish a new article that answers this one question and I trust it will inspire us all.  I am SO excited to read them myself!  Hope you’ll join me here all week.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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When asked recently about the best marriage advice we’d ever gotten, I really had to stop and think.

We’ve been married for 31 years, so there was a lot of mental sifting and searching to do.

Then, I recalled the best marriage advice we’ve ever gotten wasn’t really marriage advice at all, but something I had overheard at a country fair years before.

Part of the entertainment at the fair was being able to watch the horse pulls.

Those of us that could make our way through the forest of jean-clad spectators would perch on the bottom rail of the fence with our elbows hooked securely over the top.

The team of large draft horses would be led into the dusty ring, hooked to the sled, and would leap forward at the command from their driver.

Their hooves dug into the dirt and muscles would strain as they worked to pull more weight than any other team.

This is quite a feat, given that the horses weigh in around 3,400 pounds each, more or less, and the loads start at around 3,500 pounds, and can top out at close to 10,000 pounds.

I heard a little boy ask his grandfather how the horses knew what to do.

The weathered farmer replied that in order for the gentle giants to do their work on the farm, they had to learn about harnessing the power of two.

He continued, sharing that the horses were trained to pull in unison and were immediately stopped if they strained unequally against the yoke.

The danger of them going their own way meant that not only would the work not get done, but if they physically fought the constraints of the yoke, there was also a great risk of injury to everyone.

Plus, the damage to the equipment and the possibility of unplowed and unplanted fields could be catastrophic to the financial health of the household.

The similarity to strong and happy marriages is unmistakable:

Knowing you always have a teammate provides a regular and refreshing drink of encouragement.

The whole is greater—and stronger—than the sum of its parts, to paraphrase Aristotle.

Pulling in the same direction means progress towards and achievement of goals.

A road traveled together makes for a more joyful journey.

And especially this: A load shared is a load lightened.

 My husband and I have subscribed to this powerful advice of Harnessing the Power of Two, and it has made for an incredibly satisfying journey.

COMMENTS: Please share one way you are Harnessing the Power of Two in your marriage!

May you find happiness wherever you are! Kim, your personal Sherpa of Joy at Too Darn Happy

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

5 Things Baking Cakes Taught Me About Marriage

Prior to traveling to Minneapolis yesterday for press and to host a Meetup/book signing, I reached out to some of the bloggers in the Minneapolis area.

Immediately, I received an email from a food blogger, Amanda Rettke, and her spirit was just infectious.  I later learned she’d recently released a book on cakes and when I saw the beautiful colors on the cover, I knew I wanted it.  

Now, if you know me, you know I do very little baking (or cooking for that matter) but her book cover made me want to whip out my baking pans and get to work.

In thinking about all the layers and the delicious icing on a cake, for some reason, my mind went immediately to marriage.

An odd combination, I know.  But if I’ve learned anything in my 10 years of marriage, and 37 years of life, it’s that there is a lesson to be learned in everything…even baking cakes.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

(P.S. Minneapolis Residents: Watch me tomorrow (4/10) on Twin Cities Live at 3pm and then meet me -and Amanda Rettke- at 7pm. More Info Here.)

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This could easily read, “5 Things Writing a Book Taught Me About Marriage.”  But an opportunity to write about a loving marriage and freshly baked cakes…what combination could be sweeter?

When I wrote my recently released book, Surprise-Inside Cakes, I had no idea I’d really be the one in for a surprise.  Writing my book made my marriage stronger.  If you don’t mind, I would love to share what I have learned with you.

5 Things Writing a Book Has Taught Me About Marriage:

1. We Are a Team:  It wasn’t always this way.  As a matter of fact, it used to be ‘my way or the highway’.  That (most obviously) got us into a really bad place and we eventually sought out help and support.  

One wise friend asked, “Are you two on the same page?“  Such a simple question that offered up some significant insight.  The answer was no.  But we wanted to be, and therefore we made the effort to be.

When the opportunity to write this book was presented it all happened very, very quickly.  Even though my book is about cakes, making cakes, decorating cakes, decorating the inside of cakes, sharing my love and passion for all things surprise-inside cakes… everything that my husband does NOT do, I could not have done it without him.  As a team we tackled the long nights of me working in the kitchen while he did bedtime routines.  As a team we figured out the financial sacrifices that had to be made.  And as a team we celebrated the first milestone.  (With cake of course.)

2. Leaning on Him Makes Me Stronger: This was one of the hardest lessons for me to learn, and honestly is one that I continue to struggle with. Crying into my husbands shoulder offered me no comfort, I was convinced he would see me as weak and pathetic.  But it is in his nature to want to protect me and shelter me.  He couldn’t always solve my problems, but he most certainly wanted to be given the opportunity to try.

3. Having a Mutual Value System is Key: At the end of the day, after all the trials and tribulations, we needed common ground.  For us it was our faith.  We both feel so strongly in who we want to be in this world, but yet have very, VERY different approaches in how to achieve that.  I am more in-your-face, while he is a quiet (but oh so effective) leader.  Having a mutual ground, or place where our visions intertwined reminded me of my purpose when I would veer off course.

4. Listening to Him is Beneficial:  When I was making the 20th cake in 5 days and it was 11pm, and I had been on my feet for 14 hours straight, and things were not turning out, I would often turn to my husband.  I would ask him “Why isn’t this cake working?” and of course he wouldn’t know.  But what he did know is that I needed someone to hear me.  That I needed someone to ask me questions.  That I needed his perspective on the whole.  Thinking through him helped me regain my vision.

5. Our Time Together is Precious:  Hearing a word like DEADLINE on a regular basis can often mean that time is focused on the task at hand.  Which also meant that time with my husband was put last on the list of priorities. The book needed to be written.  The pictures needed to be taken. The kids needed support or meals or to be driven places.  There was always a need, but simply being there for my husband wasn’t one of them.

But I was wrong, there IS ALWAYS a need to remain present in our love.

You have to MAKE time together and be intentional with your relationship. Even in the middle of deadlines and school functions.  Share a kiss and a grateful hug.  Make sure your spouse knows they are appreciated!  Even better, plan a date.  You would be surprised how refreshing a romantic date is in the midst of a trial!

I was reminded of a quote I heard in church.

“You will never drift together, you will only drift apart.”

Having the opportunity to share my passions with the world is truly a dream come true.  I wanted to spend time on it.  I treated it like a treasure! I am so grateful for my understanding and supportive husband throughout the entire process.

Looking back I now can see that every trial that arose in the process has brought my husband and I closer together.  And for that, I am so thankful!

I am so excited to share this book with the world, and so thankful that I get to do it with my husband by my side.

Please do head on over to amazon and check out the book, it’s available for Kindle (for 60% off!) and in hardcover!

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The Best Marriage Advice We Ever Got

I must admit, I’m a bit of a ModernMarried.com stalker.  I love the main blogger and chief encourager at MM, Maggie Reyes.  

If you’ve visited Maggie’s blog, you know she has a gift for lifting the lowest spirits and shares her perspective on love with honesty and transparency but always without judgement.

She loves being married and her joy whenever she talks about marriage is infectious.  I just want to rub a little of what she’s got all over the world every day.

As the saying goes, “Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting some on yourself.”

She is wonderful.  She is a delight.  And her marriage benefits from that spirit of happiness daily.

When I stumbled across her post on the best marriage advice she ever got, I wondered if it was the same as the best marriage advice I’ve ever received.  It wasn’t.  It was entirely different which made it even that much more interesting to me.

Now, I’m not sure which piece of advice I think is better.  Maybe we’ll just call it a draw.  Both are words of beauty, something we can add to our marriage each and every day.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

__________

When The Hubs and I were dating we went to a lot of workshops together.  My favorite of all the different classes we did was about connecting with your heart. It was a 6 week class. I don’t remember the name of the teacher, the place where we took it or what we studied. All I remember from the class is one sentence. One, glorious and powerful sentence:

You create your relationship every day.

That’s it. So simple.

The teacher said that people wonder why relationships die. They go out with someone, it’s all fabulous in the beginning and then suddenly something happens. The relationship gets stale.

He went on to say, relationships do not get stale. People forget – you create your relationship every day. What people do is stop creating and then wonder what went wrong.

Well I guess if you count all that, it’s a whole paragraph. 6 week two hour class – and one paragraph was all I got. Oddly enough, it was all I needed.

We left that class and promised, solemnly swore even. We will create our relationship every day. We will not forget and go stale. We will be fresh. Every day.

Once we decided we create our relationship every day then the next question was – how?

We decided to text each other at least once a day. We don’t like to call each other during the day when we are both focused and working, however we religiously text each other at lunch time.

Texts go something like this:

Monday
Hubs: 1:05 pm Loving my over-scheduled wife kisses.
Hubs: 1:21pm Nashville soundtrack is out.
Wifey:1:33pm Yay! Itunes! Late lunch kisses!

Tuesday
Hubs: 12:14 pm Manipulative Assistant Ellis is out on Smash. New showrunner making changes.
Wifey: 12:18pm Yay!
Hubs: 12:12pm And more musicals, not just Bombshell
Wifey: 12:20pm Yes! They all need jobs on different musicals – more songs.
Wifey: 4:52pm Lovey dovey kisses for my hubsicle!

Wednesday
Wifey: 9:02 am Off to sort mail
Hubs:9:03 am Just whistle while you work

We have fun. We make each other laugh. Sometimes The Hubs reads Entertainment Weekly during his lunch time. He has declared himself my personal news-machine hence the updates on my favorite shows.

We create. Fresh Everyday.

Just like Starbucks and Krispy Kreme.

When we get home we hug. We stop whatever we are doing and hug.

Hugs are sacred.

Then we leave the day behind, change clothes, open the mail and start with our Daily Check-In.

We go on dates. When a new movie is coming out we ask each other out. We plan it. As if we were dating. Because we are.

We plan vacations. We love -with zeal and devotion- planning vacations. Not just the vacation itself, but the planning of it. I love beautiful hotels and magical experiences. The spiritual retreat with my favorite author. The acoustic concert with my favorite singer. The Hubs loves guide books and maps. We both love making memories together.

Whenever handed lemons, we promptly make lemonade. On a trip to Costa Rica we accidentally locked our keys in our car. (Notice that I say we. The details don’t matter, we are a team and it happened to both of us. That ‘we’ really helps when there is a lemon parade. ‘We’ got in this together and ‘we’ will get out of it.)

Anyway, as I was saying, there we were not going anywhere in Costa Rica. For several hours.
So we took a hike. Literally. We hiked up a hill. Saw cows. Laid in the grass and looked at clouds. Laughed and hugged.

One of my favorite memories ever was created when our keys were locked in our car.

Lemonade. It’s the new classic coke.

Fresh. Everyday.

COMMENTS: Name one thing you do to keep your relationship fresh.  Add to the comments section below.  Go!

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5 Easy Ways to Sneak Date Night Into Your Marriage Regularly

When you think of “date night,” does getting dressed up or spending alot of money come to mind?

Have you ever thought, “I just don’t have time for a date night?”  If either of these thoughts describe you, this post by Christine St. Vil is for you!  

Christine gives us four easy ways to sneak date night into our marriages regularly.  And I hope she doesn’t mind but I’d like to add one more.

For the past eleven years, Keith and I have made it a priority to go on:

Starbucks Dates

We call them Starbucks dates but it’s sort of like calling all tissue Kleenex.  It just means we go on a date to a coffee house.  

Prior to becoming lactose intolerant, weekly Pinkberry dates were my absolute favorite (and on most weeks, we’d try to squeeze in a few of those after dinner).  

Date nights don’t need to be expensive, time consuming or cause either of you any sort of stress. Simplicity is best because its purpose is connection.  So if you are spending time alone -connecting- believe it or not, that is the most perfect kind of date.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

___________

One thing that I’ve come to realize since having kids is that alone time with my hubby is a precious commodity. And date night is something that we literally have to plan even if it means locking the bedroom door to let the kids know that “mommy and daddy are talking” (whatever that “talking” may be at that moment).

With us working opposite schedules (he works at night) and homeschooling the kids, we definitely have to be creative when it comes to spending time together. Up until recently, I viewed “date night” as something where we got a sitter, got dressed up and went out for a night out on the town. But seriously, we don’t always have time for all of that. So we are learning to be creative.

We’ll be celebrating nine years of marriage this year, and I know that in order to continue celebrating for decades to come, dating is an integral part of our marriage that we can’t afford to let fall by the wayside. It’s so easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and all of the demands. But when I really think about what’s important in life, when I think about what matters the most…it’s my family, and the unit of our marriage that holds it together.

The words, “Date night” just mean, are you taking time to truly connect with your spouse in an environment that fosters love and communication? Once I understood this, I let go of the “date night” expectations that I had allowed to take over. It’s taken the pressure off both ends to simply view date night as quality time. Regardless of if we plan to do something, or plan to do nothing, the time spent together is all that is needed in that moment.

Here are a few easy ways to sneak date night into your marriage regularly:

Appetizer Date

Time is of the essence, I know. So if carving out an extra hour a day leaves your palms sweating, then start out by taking baby steps. Try 15-20 minutes of time set aside that is non-negotiable (unless it’s life and death). Think about the most important client meeting you’ve ever had or would like to have: just like you wouldn’t miss that one, intimate time with your spouse shouldn’t be missed either.

Breakfast Date

I am by far not a morning person…at all (especially since I work late into the night). But since hubby gets home by 7am, and the kids don’t generally wake until closer to 9am, it’s the perfect time for us to connect without distractions and interruptions.

Lunch Date

If you have the ability to do so, try meeting your spouse for lunch. If it’s too far, then see if you can meet halfway. Since life can get even more hectic in the evenings, a lunch date might work out best. Lunch dates can work well if both spouses either work from home or are both home during the day…there’s always room for dessert.

After Dinner Date

If you have smaller kids, set aside a schedule to tag team with your spouse to get them fed, bathed and in the bed at a decent time so that you can take advantage of the quiet house afterwards. Use this time to catch up on the best part of your days, and any pressing matters that need to be addressed.

While it’s nice to connect at the same time every day, I’ve found that flexibility is also key. Depending on our schedules, we may have to do a combination of these dates during the week.

QUESTION: What about you? How do you define date night in your marriage?

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Standing Up For What Is Right For Your Family (No Wife Bullies Here)

There has been a lot of talk lately about teen bullying, for good reason.  The increased suicide rates due to cyber bullying are alarming to say the least. 

But what happens when the person doing the bullying is a grown woman?  Didn’t realize that was happening?  It happens more often than you think.

In Monday’s post, Bronnie Ware shared with us the 5 regrets she’s heard most often from those in the final days of their lives.  

She spent several years caring for the dying in their homes and their number one regret?  ”I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”  

Last week, after writing an article entitled What is the Role of the 21^st Century Wife, I knew I’d get some interesting emails. 

I was, after all, suggesting couples choose for themselves what their roles should look like in their households and not allowing others to influence what they know to be right for them. 

What I didn’t expect, however, were women declaring my desire to continue working outside of the home after having children “disgusting” or emails like this one:

“Please DO NOT have a child if you don’t want to raise it. Why would you bring in someone to your life and then turn around and dump it on someone else to raise, minute and instill values in them? That is abandonment and neglect. NO ONE can love your child like you will. How dare you be so selfish?

“Why bother having a child if they are going to get shoved aside for your career…your career could have to change tomorrow if you became disabled in someway…yet that baby will ALWAYS depend on you as it’s mommy. You preach all this loving your husband crap, but toss the baby (that is formed in your body!) out because you don’t want to be inconvenienced. That disgusts me. 

“Feel judged? I don’t care. You hurting a child by abandoning them for someone else to raise sickens me.”

So if I understand this, my desire not to be a stay-at-home mom –which is supported and encouraged by my husband- is not only selfish but the equivalent of “dumping” my children?  I am not able to love my child infinitely, and care for them at the highest level, if I work outside of the home?

My baby sister Christy Joy, on the other hand, is a wonderful stay-at-home momma of three.  She’s living the life of her dreams.  Being a stay-at-home mom from the beginning was not only something her husband supported, but encouraged.  Yet, somehow, that was not enough for many of the women around her. 

At times, she’s been made to feel less than by women who’d determined being a stay-at-home mom was outdated.  Her decision was treated like she’d just single-handedly reversed all the strides we’ve made as women to be treated as equal.

But isn’t that equality at its best?  Having the ability to choose for yourself what you want out of life?

After Christy Joy’s third child, she began a thriving online fitness community, PregnantNotPowerless.com.  She wanted to contribute to the income of her household while not giving up on her dream of being a stay-at-home mom.

My sister and I are a lot alike in many areas, but in this area we’re different. She thrives off of being a stay-at-home mom and wife.  I thrive off of being a serial entrepreneur who dotes over her family nonstop.  Both of us told repeatedly by other women what is best for our families. 

The fortunate thing for both of us is we have always been strong in our conviction for what works in our household.  We decided early on that we owed explanations to no one.  God and family…then everything and everyone else.  We remain confident we are doing what is right…for our families.

So to the wives who have felt bullied: Stand your ground.  Make decisions based on your family and your faith alone.  The opinions of others (or their interpretation of fact) are just that.  They may be valuable, but only inasmuch as they line up with your own values.  If opinions thrown your way are contrary to what you and your husband have decided are best for your family, in one ear…out the other.

And to the wives who didn’t realize what you are doing is the equivalent of bullying: Grace to you.  Now, is a beautiful time to change.  With marriages falling faster than flies, wives around us don’t need wife bullies, they need our support.  They need to be built up; not torn down.

QUESTION: Have you ever felt bullied by other wives and/or moms?  If so, how did you handle it?  

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Top 5 Regrets From the Dying: An Inspirational Article For Us All

Early this morning, Keith opened his email inbox and the following article had been forwarded to him.  He immediately sent it to me and suggested I give it a read because it touched his soul.

From the moment I began reading the words of Australian author and songwriter, Bronnie Ware, I knew I wanted to share them with you.

I reached out to Bronnie with hope in my heart and she graciously agreed to allow me to post this article originally written on her site which was the basis for her best-selling book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed.

Since Bronnie released her book in Germany over a year ago, it has remained on its best sellers list every single week.  I’ve not read the book but based on how touched I have been by the article, I imagine the book would do just as much.

Without further ado, the article that widened the smile on Keith and my face this morning and reminded us that one of the best ways to live without regret is to not allow others to overly influence your family’s hopes, dreams or pursuit of happiness and to follow your own personal destiny.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

__________

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

QUESTION: When you think on your own marriage, what things are you doing to ensure you create a marriage and build a family without regret?

Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia who spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. Her full-length memoir, titled ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing‘, shares even more wisdom from dying people and how Bronnie’s own life was transformed through this learning. It is available worldwide, with translations in 27 languages. www.bronnieware.com

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Top 20 Springtime Dates on the Web

“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”         -Robin Williams

Indeed it is.  In case you missed the memo, or didn’t realize you lost an hour of sleep a couple weeks ago, spring is finally here!

The ice has finally melted in the coldest cities in the country and the torrential downpours that plagued most states in February have begun to make way for fresh flowers beginning to bloom.

Earlier this week, I took to our Facebook community page and asked our members for their favorite springtime dates.  I did this, mainly, because I searched for so many online and found only a few.  

So without further ado, here are the Top 20 Springtime Dates on the Web:

1. Be His Honey Bee (via Huff Post) If you both love the outdoors (and neither of you are allergic to bees), drive out to the country for a day at a honey bee farm. These farms maintain hundreds of hives buzzing with thousands of bees. Saunter through the acres of beehives, watching the bees at work … but don’t worry, they can’t easily sting you through your gear!

Touring a bee farm is different from typical farm tours and you can learn all about the science behind beekeeping. After the tour, you can shop the farm store for sweet, syrupy honey (farmed straight from the honeycombs you just toured) to cook with later. Mmmm.

2. Watch a movie in vogue.  Did you know there are still hundreds of drive-in theaters all around the US?  Thank goodness, this style of movie watching didn’t die with Grease.  Park your car, lean your seat back and enjoy a movie with your sweetheart (popcorn fight and all).

3. Exercise alfresco (via SheKnows).  If you’ve been cooped up inside all winter, enjoy some fresh spring air by planning a bike ride (if you live near a beach, try renting a bike for two) or going hiking together at a local park (pack up a picnic in a backpack and enjoy the fruits of your labor at the top).  Spring is also a great time for bird watching with many flocks migrating south.  Need help getting motivated?  Here’s a few simple ways.

4. Have a breakfast picnic.  So romantic!  I’d never even thought about this but it makes so much sense.  Hardly anyone is out early at the local parks and you’ll enjoy the lovely light of morning as you sip your steamy lattes, munch on some fruit, take a stroll or just sit around and smooch.  (“One thing to remember,” Kris “Kroll” Woods who submitted this idea reminds us, “The ground is dewy, so plan ahead for shoes, towel for the table, etc.)

5. Join the worldwide hunt for treasure. (via The Nest)  Geocaching is a worldwide game of hiding and seeking treasure. A geocacher can place a geocache anywhere in the world (think: the middle of the forest or top of the Empire State Building) and pinpoint its location using GPS technology, and then share the geocache’s location online. All you need to get started are a GPS device and the whereabouts of a “treasure” listed on the website.

6. Got a pickup truck?  Make some good use out of it! Load it up with tons of hay (if you have some available), sleeping bags, some snacks and a bottle of wine.  Lay down the tailgate and just enjoy looking up at the stars and talking. And if there is a spring concert series nearby, why not pull your truck right up to that?

7. Spring break for adults (via Care2.com)  It’s not just for college students anymore—bust out of the winter doldrums by hitting a beach destination for some much-needed relaxation (and romance). If you don’t have the time or funds to go anywhere exotic, look up long weekend trips an hour or two away from home. You don’t have to travel far to get the benefits of getting away from it all.

8. Enjoy nature’s real confetti.  Sit beneath a full bloom sakura tree and enjoy simply being.  When プンザラン リセール submitted this idea, I must admit, I had to look up what sakuras were and if we also have them in the States.  And alas, they are cherry blossom trees.  Yes, we have plenty of those.  But if you aren’t in a city where you can find some, choose any tree newly bloomed and enjoy it’s amazing wonder.  Speaking of which…

9. Visit to the Gardens (via About.com)  Spring is the perfect time to stop by your local botanical gardens or any gardens or parks that are open to the public to observe and appreciate the flowers and plants that are coming back to life after the winter. Be sure to actually smell the roses together and hold hands while you walk or stroll. Take in the scene and take pictures to boot. After all, nature makes for a beautiful backdrop.

10. Go Ape!  Who knew there was zip lines and treetop adventures all over the US.  Christina Paul, who submitted this idea, said she and her husband did it though GoApe.com and had a blast!  If you’re not in any one of the cities where they’re located, here are another 10 great zip lines across the US.

11. Build a Campfire in Your Backyard (via Happy Wives Club)  One of my dear friends rented a home for more than 10 years and I’m convinced the reason she loved it there so much was the fire pit she built in the backyard.  Don’t worry, the grass will grow back!  But even more likely, you won’t want it to.  Camille and her hubby built their own and I also found this great tutorial online by Debbie Graney.  Once you’re done, grab a couple chocolate bars, some graham crackers and marshmallows and celebrate all your hard work with freshly made S’mores.  

12. Get in on the March Madness!  Start a couples pool for spring’s biggest basketball challenge.  Maybe because I love sports but I wanted to do it the moment I read this suggestion by Joy Turner Washburn, “It’s so fun picking teams and keeping track of the games (Sweet Sixteen, Elite Eight, Final Four).  We have a personal party on the night of the championship game.”  And what’s a better way to celebrate a huge win than…sex…or chocolate…or champagne.  Better yet, how about all three?!

13. Become a wine connoisseur in four easy steps (via LearnVest).  Ever wonder what people are doing when they’re sniffing or swirling their wine around in the glass, looking to see if it’s got “legs”?  Well, wonder no more.  Make this a fun hobby to pick up for the Spring and well before the summer you’ll be sniffing, swirling, swishing and tasting like a pro.

14. Pick a book of the season.  How often do you and your spouse read a book together?  Do you like fiction?  Does he like nonfiction?  Does he like sci-fi while you like romance?  What about finding a book you both will love?  GoodReads gives 18 great suggestions and you can see their reviews here.  And another book that would have made their list had it been out when it was compiled (:)) is the Happy Wives Club.  Yes, I’m biased but don’t take my word for it, check out the 5-star reader reviews.  And don’t let the name fool you.  Men are loving this book just as much as women (although, they are a bit more apprehensive about buying a book with “Happy” and “Wives” in the title).

15. Get Dirty (via HuffPost). Cleaning your house doesn’t exactly sound sexy, but hear us out. In the middle of scrubbing down walls, dusting cobwebs out of corners, and moving furniture, there’s a lot of silence in which to bring up unspoken issues between you two. You can also share intimate details about each other you might not have otherwise organically brought up and goals for the relationship. Doesn’t every relationship need some spring cleaning of its own too? Think of the ways you can reward each other for an afternoon’s hard work: “If we can clean up now, we can get a little dirty later.” (Wink-wink.)

16. Kick back in your own homemade hammock.  Seriously, what’s more relaxing than laying next to your favorite person in the world as the net beneath you keeps you closer than close?  Do you have a porch or trees close enough to hang a hammock?  If so, spend a couple hours making one together, then grab some freshly brewed iced tea, and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

17. In with the new. (via Care2.com)  Pick an activity that’s new to both of you, and spend the season working on it together. Take rock-climbing classes, train for a half-marathon together, or sign up for a dance class. You’ll bond over being beginners and push each other to get better. Plus, a recent study even showers that adding an element of surprise into a relationship can trigger the same emotional state you were both in when you first met, getting back all those lovey-dovey feelings.

18. Easter egg hunt comes early – or late.  This fabulous idea submitted by Shelly Massie will take a little bit of creativity and planning.  Set up the picnic ahead of time and have eggs hidden all over the backyard (park or any other place with plenty of trees).  But these aren’t just any kind of eggs, they’re love note eggs (via Dating Divas).  As your husband finds they hidden eggs, they will open them to a sweet surprise: Your love, appreciate and acknowledgment that he’s the best.   

19. Let Your Hearts Be All A-Flutter (via HuffPost).  He gives you butterflies in your stomach and you’d like to show just how he makes you feel without being too cheesy — so why not visit a butterfly conservatory? These sanctuaries are indoor living environments specially designed for butterflies to flourish. Just imagine strolling hand-in-hand along meandering paths in the greenhouse, admiring the beds of lush greenery and blossoms, with hundreds of colorful butterflies fluttering freely in the air around you. It’s the perfect picture of springtime romance.

20. Serenity by the water.  No matter where you live, there’s a body of water somewhere: ocean, marina, lake, stream – find it.  Enjoy it.  Create your very own still point in a turning world.  Lake with fish nearby?  Grab some fishing wire and a hook (or if you have no idea what you’re doing, like me, just buy a fishing pole).  Some of the best fish come out at spring so just drop a line, he’ll skin, you cook (or in my case, the Hubs would rather skin and cook), and you’ve just wrapped up a perfect spring day.

QUESTION: What’s your favorite springtime date ideas?  (Add them in the comments below and let’s make sure we keep love in the air all spring long.)

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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5 Special Gifts for National Husband’s Day

On January 22, 2014, we sponsored an unofficial new holiday: National Husband’s Day. A special day set aside for the nearly 1 million women in the Happy Wives Club community to celebrate our husbands.

Initially, my hope was we’d be able to get a government official to proclaim the day on our behalf. Our team began working on that and quickly realized the many complications of getting a date named as a holiday officially. But who needs official?

National Peanut Butter Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays. No government official has yet to recognize that officially but that doesn’t stop me from indulging in a few more spoonfuls of that tasty stuff just at the mention of its national holiday.

So let’s celebrate our special day together!

To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.

1. Print this certificate. If you didn’t get a chance to print this off last year, you may still want to print it now to let your husband know you’re a proud member of this club and because of his love, you’ve sponsored this day honoring him. This is the original sponsorship certificate so it includes the original 2014 date. Here is one dated for 2015.

2. Customize this proclamation. If you printed the above certificate last year as one of the original sponsors of National Husband’s Day (or even if you didn’t), we’ve created a customizable proclamation for you to give your husband this year. Customize it. Print it out (legal size paper). Frame it. Then deliver to him a gift sure to make him proud. (If your computer doesn’t allow you to customize the PDF, print this one to handwrite his name and your name instead).

3. Print a customized Book of Love. This fantastic DIY coupon book from The Dating Divas is something sure to knock your husband’s socks off. Surprise him with this creative book that gives him all the things he wants most…one coupon at a time.

4. Write the perfect love letter. Have you ever written your husband a love letter? Not just a few words at the bottom of a card but actually write the card yourself? If not, today’s a pretty fantastic day to sharpen your writing skills. To make it easy, here are 7 ways to write the perfect love letter.

5. Spoil your spouse date night. There’s no better night than tonight to spoil your spouse. This date night is all about doing what your husband loves to do. No marital compromise here –this is his night!

Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.