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Definition of a Happy Wife

“So my question for you,” she asked as tears rolled down her cheeks, “What is your definition of a happy wife?”

This was a few months ago as I was speaking to a group of 200 or so married women.  A beautiful silver haired woman on the second row spoke up during the Q & A portion of my talk.  

She explained that she loved her husband greatly and loved being married.  

“We’ll be together until the end.  We committed long ago that we would keep that promise,” she said with conviction.”  But she had one challenge.  

While I was speaking, every time I’d mention the happily married couples I’d interviewed over the years, and especially the wives, the same question popped into her mind.

While holding the microphone that had been passed around the audience to ask me questions, she revealed the most vulnerable part of herself:

“I truly love my husband.  But if someone were to ask me if I’m a ‘happy wife,’ I don’t know that I would be able answer that question.”  As she continued, there was a buzz that began to build in the room.

Finally, when she closed her comment with, “So my question for you is what is your definition of a happy wife,” the entire room burst into applause.  

I hadn’t realized until that very moment, the entire time I’d been talking about “happy wives,” there was a large group of women in the room wondering what that really meant.

I was so happy she asked the question because it allowed me to give this answer:

The definition of a happy wife is the same as the definition of a happy marriage.  It is whatever you define it to be.  Do not compare your marriage or your life as a wife to anyone else.  My version of “happy” may look completely different from yours and that’s exactly the way it should be.  

Go to your spouse and say, “What does a happiness in marriage mean to you?”  And then you ask yourself, “What does happiness is marriage feel like to me?”  And those are the only two responses that should matter in answering that question.

Becoming a happy wife doesn’t mean everything will be perfect each and every day.  It simply means you make a conscious effort to elevate what is great and to diligently work on everything that subpar.

Being a happy wife doesn’t create a buffer against the insensitivities of your spouse.  It just means you’ve chosen to focus on what he does right more than the errs of his ways.

A happy marriage doesn’t shield you from the onslaught of curve balls life may throw at you or cause you to walk around utterly oblivious to the challenges around us all.  It simply means you’ve found at least one thing in this world you can count on -the unconditional love of your spouse- and you’ve made a  decision to celebrate that every remaining day of your life.

The definition of a happy wife is whatever you define it to be.  So define it well and enjoy living that out.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

4 Ways Uncovering Your Purpose Benefits Your Marriage

It’s been quite some time since I’ve had a guest contributor write on our home page.  Sorry I’ve been hogging up all the space as of late.  

Interestingly enough, this post by proud HWC member and author, Christine St. Vil, was written prior to me leaving on sabbatical in August and has been waiting to be read by you ever since.

When reading it, I was reminded of a conversation I had last week with organizers for an event I was asked to speak at next year with 550,000 women (yes, there really is a an event in the US that over 500,000 women attend annually).  

Although they initially inquired about me speaking solely to those married or engaged), there were two things I told them I’d also love to share with the single women attending:

1) Don’t settle.

2) Go after your personal dreams before and after you say “I do.”

That message isn’t just for single women, however.  It’s also for us.  Keep reading and you’ll see what I mean.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Not long ago I was living the definition of insanity. You know, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?  

In my instance the insanity was staying in my corporate job even though it was literally making me sick (anxiety, insomnia, high blood pressure, and having Braxton Hicks contractions early in my pregnancy).  But in my mind, I thought that I needed to just stick it out…that things would eventually get better.  Well, after three years on the job, they only continued to get worse. 

Three years ago, I did the scariest thing I had ever done in my life.  I walked away from my corporate job when I was almost seven months pregnant with our third child…no plan B, no emergency fund, nothing.  After several months of agonizing over the decision (my husband was very supportive of me leaving), I realized that keeping my sanity and preserving the health of my unborn child was going to take a leap of faith. 

While I thought I knew beforehand, at that particular moment I was clueless as to what it meant to find and walk in my purpose.  Nor, did I think it had anything to do with my marriage.  And it wasn’t until nearly a year after I left, that I realized God needed to get me away from all of the distractions in order for me to clearly see my purpose.  Leaving my job was the only way I was able to shut out the noise in order to uncover my own purpose in life.

I’ve talked about the importance of being a happy wife and how it starts with you.  But part of being a happy wife is understanding what makes you happy?  Who is the happy, motivated and care-free person you used to be before you were married?  (Or if you were never there, then that’s a whole other post for a different day.)  How do you take time out to celebrate yourself?  How do you take time out to spend on cultivating your goals and dreams?

What I learned was that not being fulfilled was a big factor in my lack of happiness.  I wasn’t unhappy with my husband or in my marriage.  But because I wasn’t happy in general, it began to manifest in my marriage.  Looking back, I’m just glad I married a man with eternal patience and mercy.

In my new book, Whose Shoes Are You Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be, I talk about the importance of finding your God-given “shoes,” your purpose.  Here are 4 ways uncovering your purpose benefits your marriage:

1. It allowed me to dream again.  I didn’t really understand what it meant to “dream big” before I took that leap of faith three years ago.  But now, I have daily conversations with my husband on what our dreams are for our future and our family.  I fall in love again with my marriage on a daily basis.

2. It caused me to take better care of myself.  In order to find my purpose, I had to get back to loving myself, which meant taking better care of myself.  And in doing so, my husband and I take better care of each other.  We spend more time on loving and less time on fussing.  He sees the passion I have for what I do, and in turn, it ignites a fire in him.

3. It taught me how to say ‘No’.  Just recently, I was given the opportunity to spend an evening with some amazing celebrities (all of whom I am a fan of) and get VIP access for backstage interviews.  The only problem was it was a very last minute invite and it would’ve meant even more time away from the family evening that was already planned.  Three years ago, I would’ve jumped at the chance and not given it a second thought.  But I could tell that although he would never tell me not to go, my husband was happy that I said “thanks but no thanks”.  When you understand your purpose, you understand that opportunities will always present themselves.

4. It helped me to look better.  Uncovering my purpose allowed me to get back to taking care of my external presence. I don’t know about you, but when I look good, I feel good.  Loving who I am on the outside is just as important as loving who I am on the inside.  And of course, the starstruck gazes from my husband only magnifies the “feel good” feeling.

I figured out that I had to learn how to put myself back at the top of my list of priorities.  Some may call it selfish but I call it self-love and self-care.  You have to be comfortable and happy in your own shoes in order to be fully comfortable and happy in your marriage.

Now that I’ve finally found my shoes by uncovering my purpose, I know I’m a better and happier person.  My husband supports me and my heart melts when he tells me how proud he is of me.  He sees how happy I am which only makes him happier.

How has walking “in your own shoes” strengthened your marriage?

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

7 Habits of Highly Happy Marriages

Around these parts, we absolutely adore Maggie Reyes!  Just earlier today, I left her a voicemail to say how much I appreciate her and the love she puts out into the world.

I didn’t even realize at the time that she’d written this post.  Then I opened it and read the title, “I think she’s been reading my book Happy Wives Club!” I thought.  

Then, as I began reading through her list below, I realized these are all the things I know she does in her own marriage.  

Maggie is genuinely happy and in love with her husband.  I love being in the presence of women like that.  And today, you get to join me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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We all know that good habits can help us feel better, succeed at work, and get healthier. Happy marriages tend to have common practices just like thriving companies all do certain things well.

There are probably hundreds of little habits that help make our relationships healthy and happy – from putting caps on toothbrushes to saying good morning, but for today, let’s focus on 7 of the biggies.

Use these as a check list – if you are doing all of them, great! If not, pick one and start this week. And remember, habits can only be changed one day at a time.

1. Talk about your day. Every day. By creating little moments of connection, you are ensuring the “communication highway” in your relationship is free of roadblocks. Having little conversations every day, makes it much easier to have big conversations when those moments come. Habits are done daily. This one is non-negotiable if you want a healthy, happy relationship.

2. Kiss. Every day. Notice a theme? It’s not “kiss when you go on date” or “kiss when the kids aren’t around,” it’s “Kiss. Every day.”  Marriage researcher John Gottman recommends a 6-second kiss every day.  It should be long enough to feel romantic and will be like a love vitamin – nurturing connection and intimacy in your marriage.

3. Defer Decisions until you can talk about them privately. This means, you make an agreement with your spouse not to accept invitations, decline opportunities or give an answer to anyone about almost anything, until you have talked about it and made a decision together.

Over the years we’ve been married, my husband and I are now both trained to say, “Let me talk it over with my honey.  I will get back to you,” whether it’s an invitation to the movies or a request to volunteer. This is a pro-active way to avoid disagreements, misunderstandings and resentment.

4. Prioritize. Make it clear to your spouse and to the world that your priority is your marriage. Knowing this makes it easier to make decisions every day.

Asking a question like “Will this nurture and develop my relationship or take me away from it?” or “Is this aligned with my priorities?” before you make a decision gives you the opportunity to step back and make sure you are moving in the direction you want to go before you make a commitment that can hurt your relationship.

5. Express Gratitude. Everyday. Expressing gratitude feels good to YOU because you are looking for the positive things to celebrate and acknowledge in every day. It feels good to your HUSBAND because he in turn, feels celebrated and acknowledged. If you are not in the habit of expressing gratitude, start with this step and read Fawn’s fabulous article about how to write a “Husband Gratitude List” here.

6. A.E.O.D: Accept Each Other’s Differences.  Fawn wrote a great article about how important this is back in 2011. In it, she said, “Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that the qualities that make our spouses different are also what make them great.”

It really is okay if you never want to go bowling and he never wants to do yoga.  I was recently interviewed for a podcast and we spent an hour talking about what to do when you and your spouse aren’t on the same page – the bottom line is that accepting each other’s differences is one of the keys to helping the relationship last, long after your passions for jobs, hobbies or other adventures has passed.  

7. Give some Vitamin F2 every day. What is Vitamin F2, you ask? Flirt and Fun. And yes, I just made it up.  We usually get instructions to *take* vitamins. How about giving some every day to the love of your life?

Think of marriage like a marathon, it’s long, you will get tired, and you need the water of motivation to keep you going. Laughing together and keeping that spark of flirtatious love alive will add a little joy to every day – even the hard ones.

These 7 habits will make the hard times easier to manage and fill the good times with so many happy memories that you can lean on those memories and good feelings when the hard times come. Now it’s your turn, what habit would YOU add to this list?

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

 

THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.

5 Benefits of Expressing Gratitude For Your Spouse Every Morning

Have you ever attempted to be grateful for your spouse and attempt to be mad at them at the same time?  It’s hard to be upset with someone when you’re thankful for them at that very same moment.

I was recently speaking with a wonderful friend of mine and she was telling me about a life coach she began working with not long ago.  One of the first things the life coach instructed her to do was to wake up each morning, and before doing anything else, say what she is grateful for in that moment.

That got me to thinking.  How impactful would that be in marriage?  What would be the benefits of waking up each morning and saying, “I am grateful for,” and then thinking or speaking out loud your answers in relation to your spouse.

Just a few moments ago, a wide smile began to stretch across my face for no particular reason (with little crinkles in the corner of my eyes). The ends of my lips curled upwards when I thought about my own answer to that question.  I am grateful for:

my husband’s laughter

the way he holds my hand and kisses my forehead

his desire to see me succeed in every aspect of my life

our friendship

his faithfulness and loyalty

These are the thoughts that popped into my mind first.  But there are so many other reasons for me to be thankful for him, chief among them:

he’s still here

I’ve met so many widows since founding this club, those who would trade the remainder of their days just to spend one last day with their spouse.  When Myles Munroe and his wife died in a plane crash earlier this week, my girlfriend sent me a text that read, “At least neither of them were widowed.”  I thought, what a profound statement.

My husband is still here.  Your spouse is still with you.  Let’s begin tomorrow morning grateful for that.  But that’s just the beginning.  Start with that thought and then continue to list as many reasons as come to mind. 

As I was writing this post, I realized there were at least 5 benefits for expressing gratitude for your spouse each and every morning:

1. It is a reminder that life is just a vapor.  Here today, gone tomorrow.  What greater gift can you give your spouse than letting him know how thankful you are they are here in this moment?

2. Gratitude is the gateway to happiness.  There is not a happiness researcher in the world that will dispute this point.  The most direct route to happiness is through Gratitude Avenue.

3. It is an acknowledgement at the top of the day that you are willing to A.E.O.D: accept each other’s differences.  Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that the qualities that make our spouses different are also what make them great.  No need to change them.  Love will do just fine.

4. Great things will begin to happen.  When you begin the day, thinking positive thoughts about your marriage and spouse, you will find that more great things will begin to happen.  It’s the darndest thing!  The happiest couples I know are also the most grateful.  It’s as if gratitude begets more things for which to be grateful.

5. Your spouse will become more grateful for you and all you do.  Again, it’s the darndest thing.  Those who are seeking gratitude and recognition from their spouses rarely receive it.  That is, until they begin to consistently give to their spouse that which they seek.  Gratitude begets gratitude. It’s just like a yawn; try being around one without it catching on.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

Best Marriage Advice for the Newly Married

Marriage expert.  That’s an adjective I’ve never been comfortable using in association with my name.  In every television or radio interview where they’ve introduced me as a marriage expert, I’ve been quick to make the correction.  

Why?  Because every day, I have the pleasure of interacting with women through this Club who have been happily married longer than I’ve been alive.  

They are the real experts.  

I am solely a conduit of information between those who have successfully created the marriage of their dreams and those who desire to begin that journey to happiness today.  

I’ve had and continue to have the great honor of sitting at the feet of sage wives like a young girl thirsty for knowledge.

Yesterday morning, I was curious about something and posted this on our Facebook community page, ”Quick!  Off the top of your head, how many years and months have you been married as of today?”  

As I scrolled through the more than 3,000 responses, I was quickly reminded of why I’m unlikely to ever refer to myself as a marriage expert:

“53 years and 2 months.” -Kathleen Anderson

“54 years and 4 months.” -Suzanne Gattuso

“52 years and 10 months.” -MaryLou Dibling

“45 years and 11 days.” -Polly Caughron

“40 years, 10 months & 296 days.” -Judy Mielke

Those were just at the beginning of the responses that continued for more pages than I could even think to review.  Sprinkled throughout those responses were:

“Three weeks!!” -Christy Beasley

“3 months – newlywed.” -Tiffany Woodall

“Saturday, November 8, 2014, My Anthony & I will be Getting Married! Our day! Can’t wait to Marry him, My Love.” -Lorie Mason

“2 years.  It’s our anniversary.” -Angela Carson

“Getting married Saturday! ” -Sophia TC

Women who have been married for half a century, on the same chain of responses as those tying the knot this weekend.  How encouraging must it be for the younger women to see living proof that their marriage too can last for a lifetime?  How encouraging is that for you and me?

I thought, What if I could get some of those married 20-plus years to share words of encouragement with those new to marriage?  What if I could get them to share their best marriage advice?  And then I realized, Duh, I could just ask you here.

Each and every day, around 20,000 people -the vast majority from the US- make their way to this blog.  If I were to guess, at least half of those are looking for advice on how they can create the best marriage possible.  So let’s do something special for them.  

If your wedding year is before 1994 (the year I officially became an adult), will you do us the honor of sharing some of your sage marital wisdom for the couples getting married soon or those who are newlyweds?  Please share these two things:

1. Words of encouragement for the newly married.

2. Your best marriage advice.

For those of you new to marriage, don’t pass up this opportunity to learn from those who have been living the life you are now building.  I’ve been happily married eleven years and still love getting (and applying) new (or forgotten) marriage advice.  I’m like my own guinea pig.  So rest assured, I’ll be reading all the comments and learning myself!

Honored to sit among you.  Thank you for your willingness to give something that will mean so much to the tens of thousands who will undoubtedly read your words.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

10 Easy Ways to Increase Your Marriage IQ

**This post is an extended version of my original article: 8 Ways to Increase Your Marriage IQ**

Did you know some scientists believe genetics only account for fifty percent of a person’s intelligence quotient (IQ)?  

The other fifty percent can be increased year after year through training and intentionality.  

That got me thinking.  What about a person’s marriage IQ?  

When researching articles (like this one) on how to increase your IQ, I noticed they all gave similar suggestions.  

And almost all of those ideas could be applied to increasing the knowledge of one’s spouse and how to make marriage even better.

So let’s get to it!  Here are 10 ways to increase your marriage IQ:

1. Begin Your Day Off Right. In marriage, it’s not the right breakfast that increases your IQ; it’s enjoying it together.  Some aren’t big breakfast people (hubby and I certainly aren’t), don’t worry, you can have the same impact by beginning each day together with a cup of java or tea.  

If mornings don’t work, try setting the time aside at the end of your day.  Either way, what’s most important is this time together -daily- can help you stay in tune with your spouse and marriage.  Here are 3 things having a daily ritual can do for your marriage, in addition to upping its IQ.  

2. Stay Fit, Get Some Vitamin F2 Daily & Keep Your Heart Healthy.  Everyone repeat after me: “Endorphins!”  These little neurotransmitters pass along signals from one neuron to the next.  

Exercising (and sex!) release endorphins which help to lower stress, are natural pain killers, and give an instant boost to your happiness.  There is absolutely no downside to staying fit and Sexercise will double the benefit.

3. Keep a Gratitude Journal. Keeping a Why I Love My Husband list or creating a gratitude journal specific to your spouse will keep your spirits high, even when they’re thinking about taking you low.  

If your hubby does something that disappoints you or hurts your feelings, just flip open the journal to what wonderful things you wrote about him the day before and be reminded to not the sweat the small stuff.  You married an awesome person.  You said so yourself…just hours earlier.

4. Take a Break.  Which one of us doesn’t need a mental break; an intentional time of recharging our mental batteries.  For my hubby and me, we set aside twenty-four hours each week (usually Friday at sundown to Saturday at sundown) when we do absolutely, positively no work.  This has been our saving grace, especially, in our busier seasons.  Initially, it might seem odd not working for an entire day.  But I promise, your marriage will soon thank you.  And just to prove it, here are 8 benefits of a day or rest for you and your spouse.

5. Don’t Get Bored.  Mindless surfing of channels and the internet is time that could be much better spent actually doing something (resting, by the way, is something).  Rather than vegging out in front of a television, try whipping out the Scrabble board and going toe-to-toe in fun competition.

To increase your IQ, experts recommend a Rubik’s cube.  To increase your marriage IQ, I recommend anything that will get you talking and enjoying one another often and intentionally.  Here are some great ideas from SheKnows for this activity.

6. Life Long Learning.  Whatever you do, never stop learning!  Reading books on marriage (and then implementing the suggestions that relate to your own) is one of the fastest and most efficient ways to increase your marriage IQ.  

Books like Dr. Kevin Leman’s Sheet Music (for sex), Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages (for communication) and Laura Doyle’s The Surrendered Wife (balance of power), Happy Wives Club (making your marriage great) have helped more marriages than I can count.  I can’t tell you how many marriage books I’ve read over the years and each one has had a gem in it I could immediately apply to my own.

7. Meditation.  If your brain goes from 0-to-60 in .05 seconds like mine, this is something that will be incredibly beneficial to you.  Praying is a form of meditation.  Laying or sitting still and clearing your mind is another.  Deep inhales and exhales can be a form of meditation, as well.  

As the Mayo Clinic has long confirmed, “Meditation can give you a sense of calm, peace and balance that benefits both your emotional well-being and your overall health.  And these benefits don’t end when your meditation session ends. Meditation can help carry you more calmly through your day and may improve certain medical conditions.”

The bottom line is it helps you -at any time- slow down your day.  That reduction of stress can only increase the pleasure in the time you spend with your husband.  

8. Find a Marriage Mentor.  There is no greater way to learn how to take your marriage from good to great and from great to extraordinary than by surrounding yourself with others who have already walked the road you’re currently traveling.  I previously wrote an entire post on the 5 reasons you should have a marriage mentor and highly recommend it.

9. Play the “What If” Game.  When my husband and I were dating, this was one of our favorite things to do and how we got to know each other so well.  We’d as each other random “what if” questions.  What if you won $10 million dollars, what would you want to do with it?  Or even questions like, If you could choose any profession in the world, what would it be?

I learned more about my husband, before we said I do, playing this game than anything else.  There’s just something about being able to ask any off the wall question that opens up great dialogue and allows you to learn more about your spouse each and every time.

10. Add an Annual Vacation.  And by the way, a “staycation” is still a vacation.  You don’t need to plan an elaborate trip or spend a ton of money.  All you need to do is block the time off your calendar and shut off all electronics so it’s just the two of you.

Every living creature grows and matures with each passing year.  You and your spouse are no different.  From year to year, growth happens in each of your lives individually and collectively.  Dedicating time to talk about those changes each and every year is important for allowing you both to grow together.

As is the case with intelligence, increasing your marital IQ isn’t required in order to have a great marriage.  But why not give it a try anyhow?  What other ways do you think one can increase their marriage IQ (intellect and knowledge of spouse and pleasure in their marriage)?

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

Happy Marriages Are Only Possible With This One Thing

You probably already know this but it doesn’t take much to inspire me.  If you were to ask my husband, friends or family, they’d all tell you (likely while chuckling at the very thought of it) I’m quite easily inspired.  

I look for the beauty all around me; in people, trees, flowers, the rising and setting of the sun and anything else I encounter in the world.  I’m also inspired greatly by you.

Emails I receive from many of you daily (even if I can no longer reply to them all) continue to keep the fire burning and inspire me to do better and to be better.  

Then there are times when I’m inspired by the least likely suspect: People who leave rude, vulgar or unkind comments. 

It might seem odd to be inspired by those who come across as incredibly rude or those who leave unkind and vulgar comments, but that is exactly what inspired today’s post.  A few days ago, I received this comment from someone clearly not a part of this club and just passing through:

“You ladies are only lying to yourself. LOL. Stepford Wives over here. Keep swallowing all that $%@! pretty soon it won’t smell so bad, since you’ll be drowning in it…” (I’ve taken the liberty of replacing the profanity in her comments with characters instead.)

It wasn’t for a couple days before I saw the comment but chose to respond in spite of the attacking nature of it.

“Sorry you’re a Stepford Wife. I can’t join you in that, however, because that simply isn’t my life. I do, however, love being married and adore my husband to pieces. You and I just have two very different lives…and that’s okay. That’s what makes the world go round. Wishing you the best!”

Her response to that comment: “Right so happy that you spend all your time online bragging and posting a response to everyone on here…not buying your $%@!. Get a life. Anyways I gotta get ready to go to the park with my kid. Marriage is awesome and sometimes we want to run for the hills….However people who act like things are perfect are the ones living in denial…much like you. I stay clear of people like you who present an image and feel the need to get fulfillment through social media. Desperate if you ask me…but then again I’m a realist. Tata stepford wife!”

My second and final response to her shared something I believe greatly and every bit of science and research has supported: Happy marriages are only possible if both spouses make a moment-by-moment choice to be happy.  Happiness, no matter how we slice, is a choice.  Couples who are genuinely happy make a decision to love, honor, cherish, respect and be grateful for each other daily.  These are their personal decisions and they are rewarded handsomely for them.

It’s that simple.  And yet incredibly difficult for many.

I then closed my response with something I believe to be worth repeating here: “I do not believe perfection in marriage exists. It can’t because it involves two imperfect people. But there are happily married couples all over the world and I’ve traveled to 6 continents to meet and interview them. Perfect they are not. In love and happy after decades and decades of marriage…they most certainly are.  Wishing you the best and so happy we can agree that marriage is awesome (and never perfect).”

Marriage cannot and never will be perfect but you have the power to make it perfect for you…and just flat out amazing!  You have the power to create the marriage of your dreams each and every waking moment of your day.  I’m enjoying my journey.  What about you?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

25 Frugal or Free Date Ideas for You & Your Husband

Have you been wanting to go on a date with your spouse but, unfortunately, it’s not been in the budget as of late?  Rest assured, you’re not along.  

A few weeks ago, I received a comment on a new date ideas article I’d posted asking if I could create a list of date ideas that could be done with little to no money.  

I assured the HWC community member I would, and because of that, we all benefit!  

After going through every popular date night post on this site, and narrowing it down to the ones that could be done for free or very little money, this list was composed.  

Some of these are date ideas submitted by you on our HWC community page.  Some we found while scouring the web.  And the rest are all home grown ideas.

So without further ado, here are: 

25 Frugal or Free Date Ideas

1. Take a Free Fitness Class.  Have you noticed that nearly every new fitness studio has a “first class free” special?  Many of them even have 2 week free passes.  Take them up on their offer! 

You’re never committed to buy anything and they just gave you at least one free date with your honey.  Workout together and then come home and get washed off together (I’ll let you decide what that means).  And if you want to stay in, while still getting in a great workout, have fun with a little Sexercise.

2. Kid-Free Slumber Party: Make a cozy pallet for you and your spouse on the living room floor [with] lots of blankets, pillows, snacks, and movies. We call it a ‘slumber party.‘  It’s a little silly, but super fun and makes us enjoy the little things in life.

3. Fill the Bucket (list, that is). Last week, I met a man in his mid-70s who put on his bucket list 40+ years ago to travel to more than 200 non-US cities in his lifetime. He was at #182 and was hitting the road this summer to travel to another 10 more. Talk about inspiration! Grab a couple notebooks and write down all the dreams you hope to accomplish before you ‘kick the bucket’ and decide together which ones you will tackle first (and which ones you can do for free).

4. Fake Vacation. Virtual vacation, anyone? Short on time, short on money, can’t get away? Love this idea HWC contributor Paula Rollo came up with when she and her hubby were in a similar predicament last year.

5. Make Love Under the Full Moon.  Now, if you have neighbors who can see into your backyard or if you’re in an apartment, it may be best to just open the window in your bedroom.  But for those lucky enough to have a private backyard, pull the comforter off your bed, grab a bottle of wine and two glasses, and take your date outside.  You have just a few more times to catch a full moon before the year ends so take advantage now.

6. A Moment in Time  Seal your time together by constructing and burying a time capsule. Gather memorabilia that symbolizes your love for one another. A wedding invitation, saved wine cork, concert/plane ticket, copy of children’s birth records, meaningful photos, love letters and anything else that is unique to the story of your love.  Do one of the other date ideas here and take pictures to remind you of this summer.  Be sure to include a note to the capsule’s future retrievers.

7. Got a pickup truck?  Make some good use out of it! Load it up with tons of hay (if you have some available), sleeping bags, some snacks and a bottle of wine.  Lay down the tailgate and just enjoy looking up at the stars and talking. And if there is a concert series or sporting event nearby, why not pull your truck right up to that?

8. Create a DIY Photoshoot:  When’s the last time the two of you were in the same photo? Using your tripod or Apple photo booth, snap pics together in various rooms of your home for memories you’ll never forget.

9. Become Cook-Off Champions! Have you ever been to a restaurant proudly displaying a plaque that read, “Winner of the (So and So) Cook-Off” and thought, “I could make this better!” Well, here’s your chance!

Scour the web for award-winning recipes for chili, cheesecake, carrot cake and anything else you think you and your spouse could make well, and spend the night perfecting that award-winning recipes (think Bobby Flay’sThrowdown).

10. At Home County Fair. When was the last time you attended the country fair? My favorite part: candy apples! So while you might not cover the ground of your backyard with peanut shells or sit on haystacks, you can do almost everything else (use this at-home county fair date night checklist idea list) – including make homemade caramel apples!

11. Have a breakfast picnic.  So romantic!  I’d never even thought about this but it makes so much sense.  Hardly anyone is out early at the local parks and you’ll enjoy the lovely light of morning as you sip your steamy lattes, munch on some fruit, take a stroll or just sit around and smooch.  (“One thing to remember,” Kris “Kroll” Woods who submitted this idea reminds us, “The ground is dewy, so plan ahead for shoes, towel for the table, etc.)

12. Good Ole’ Fashioned Fish Fry. Bet you never thought about this one! This is especially fun if you don’t live in the south and have only seen a fish fry on television. In the south, when you tell folks you’re having a fish fry, everyone you know shows up! But there’s nothing better than a fish fry for two.  

Fried catfish, hushpuppies, everything your heart desires.  You can even go all out and purchase one of those red and white checkered table clothes and a “fish fry apron.”  There’s no limit to your fish fry night of fun and if you’re feeling fully southern, try this ‘smack your mamma good’ peach cobbler to cap off your evening of fun.  I’ve been craving some good ole’ fashioned southern food (yams, mac & cheese, greens, cornbread), so if you’re in Southern California and decide to do this, please invite my husband and me for a double date .

13. Play Librarian.  Drive to your local library and once inside, walk up and down the aisles looking for books that remind you of your school years.  Bring as many back to the table and share with each other your various stories of why each book made an impression on you.  Books, like music, have a funny way of sending us down memory lane.  And your spouse will love learning even more about you.

14. Rediscover the Newlywed Game! See how well you really know one another. If you can, have homemade or really inexpensive prizes for every correct answer.  You can check out some fun questions here.

15. Create a Homemade Spa. The simplest, most relaxing date ever.  Pick up some lightly scented candles (lavender is a good choice), a CD with tranquil music and a bit of oil for your couple massages.  Fill the bathtub with warm water and bubbles and treat one another to a nice soak followed by a relaxing massage.  If you’re feeling adventurous, you can try giving each other facials or scrubs.  And if you’re really feeling generous, give each other manicures and pedicures.

16. Write out the story of how you met (and fell in love): Better yet- video tape it! Your kids and future posterity will be so grateful and it is so fun to go back and read (or watch) years down the road. It’s amazing how much we all later forget!

17. Trilogy Movie Marathon. Who knew there were so many trilogies out there?! The Lord of the Rings. Raiders of the Lost Ark. Mission Impossible 1, 2, and 3. The Mighty Ducks (not kidding, there really was three). Get out a huge bowl, pop some of your favorite popcorn, stream or rent the movies, make your own movie theater Icees (oh yeah, these can be made at home!) and enjoy the best date night at the movies ever!

18. Service For Two  Sometimes when things aren’t going the way we want them to in life, we get SO involved with worrying about ourselves that we forget the very thing that we can do to help us feel better: serve others!  If you want to feel closer to your spouse, do something for others with your spouse.  Sounds a little crazy, but IT WORKS.  Even small acts of kindness performed side by side with your spouse can bring you closer together and help your marriage be more fulfilling.  Don’t believe it?  Seriously.  Try it.

19. Take a Walk on the Beach, Lake or Riverwalk.  If you live near a beach, lake, stream or riverwalk, this is perfect for you – the stereotypical “walk on the beach” isn’t actually cliche at all.  Some of the greatest memories I have with my husband are holding hands walking along the water somewhere in the world.

20. Create Your Own National Holiday. Did you know there is a Married to a Scorpio Support Day? Yep, it’s November 18th. What about No Socks Day. Uh huh…May 8th.  Last night, we were at a Pan-Asian restaurant and they were promoting the upcoming National Noodle Day (October 6th for all you noodle lovers).  So why not create your own national holiday, mark it on your calendar and celebrate it each and every year?  It’s not too late to declare tomorrow National Lazy Day?

21. Exchange New Marriage Vows. There is something incredibly sacred about vowing to love one another til’ death do you part. And the many commitments between your first words and that final line are something worth celebrating.  Sit across from each other and set the timer for 60 minutes.  You can use a dictionary, the computer, and anything else that will inspire you to write the best vows.  After they’re done, spend time reading it to one another and then toast with a glass of champagne (or apple cider).  My husband and I renewed our vows in front of friends and family for our 10th anniversary and it was simply the best.

22. Strip Scrabble. SO happy my Scrabble-loving mother didn’t discover this while we were kids! The rules are simple: The spouse who cannot score higher than the other must remove an article of clothing. If a spouse ‘challenges’ a word and wins, s/he can put an article of clothing back on; if s/he loses, s/he must remove an article of clothing. Winner may make any one request of the losing spouse (make it a good one ).

23. Take a Nature Hike.  My husband and I lived just a couple blocks away from one of the most picturesque hiking trails in California for years before we actually laced up our shoes and decided to ascend the rugged terrain.  One of our best dates ever.  We walked for hours.  Ever since then, we’ve been finding hiking trails all over the world and take the opportunity to climb one as often as we can.  You can discover more than 50,000 trails here with some undoubtedly in your neck of the woods.

24. Sunrise, Sunset.  This date will get your spouse excited first thing in the morning and ensure you end the day that exact same way.  Pre-pack a bag with your morning coffee or tea, bagels (or whatever you and your spouse enjoy for breakfast) and have it ready to go. Check SunriseSunset.com to find out exactly what time to set your alarm for (or you can just pretend you’re still a teenager and stay up through the night).  Set the alarm before sunrise but don’t let your spouse know what you’re doing.  Then when the alarm goes off, help him get dressed (sleep still in the eyes and all), grab his hand and the pre-packed bag and head to your nearest park.  Watch the sunrise together while enjoying your coffee and pastries.  Then do it again…this time that night…and fill the thermos with hot cocoa or red wine this time around.

25. Game Night Circa 1990.  What board games were you playing 24 years ago?  If you or your spouse are too young to remember, change the “circa” to any year you’d like.  We know those board games exist somewhere.  In the attic, maybe the closet or basement.  Wherever they are, break them out and enjoy game night like you’re kids again.  And if you’re up for it, try a sexy game night (definitely put the kids to bed for this one).

If you find that once the bills are paid, there’s never enough money to set aside for dates with your spouse, here’s another great resource for you: 5 Great Ways to Start and Replenish a Date Night Fund.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

7 Easy & Fun Date Ideas You Should Do This Weekend

Looking for something great to do this weekend?  If you have kids, call the babysitter or drop them off at grandma’s house and enjoy one of these easy and fun date ideas.

1. Play a Game of Strip Monopoly
This is the one time when you won’t mind losing and neither will your spouse!  When you land in jail, there’s no need to pay or roll to get out.  And that pesky little “get out of jail free” card that never seems to come up until after you’ve paid to get out of jail no longer matters. 

Just take off an article of clothing and that will provide you jail freedom.  Land on your partner’s property with three hotels?  Don’t claim bankruptcy, just remove an article of clothing per hotel.  Make up the rules at the start of the game and just make sure they include taking off enough clothes that you’ll both be naked by the end of the game.

2. Go on a Restaurant Tour
Don’t settle for a dinner date at one restaurant, make a day of it.  Map out five new restaurants you’ve been dying to try and then go to each one.  Have an appetizer at the first restaurant and then walk or drive to the next one. 

Have a second appetizer there before continuing on to another restaurant for your main course.  At the fourth restaurant, enjoy dessert and then go to a final restaurant for some after dinner drinks. (If there’s a band playing at your last location, even better!)

3. Explore Your Own Town
How many times have you passed that museum as you drove around town and not stopped?  You probably have fine art right in your backyard and don’t even know it.  What about a Japanese garden nearby?  Explore the sites of your own city and you just might be surprised to learn how cool it is to be right where you live.

4. Couples Chopped Challenge
Love the Food Network show, Chopped?  Yeah, my husband and I do too.  Look in your cabinets, fridge and freezer and create a mystery basket with four ingredients.  Trade baskets and then get to cooking.  Each is charged with creating the best tasting dish possible using all four of the ingredients in their basket.  (Don’t have any baskets?  Improvise.)  Then judge each other’s dishes based on taste and presentation.  And then enjoy a good laugh as you sit down to a meal of your own concoctions.

5. Create Your Own At-Home Book Club
How often do you and your spouse read a book together?  Do you like fiction?  Does he like nonfiction?  Does he like sci-fi while you like romance?  What about finding a book you both will love?  GoodReads gives 18 great suggestions and you can see their reviews here.  And another book I believe would have made their list had it been out when it was compiled is the Happy Wives Club.   And don’t let the name fool you.  Men are loving this book just as much as women.

6. Take a Weekend Trip to Another Country (no passport required)
Is there a place you’ve both been dying to visit?  Don’t wait until you have the time or money to travel to the other side of the world, find your little piece of Italy, France or China right in your home town.  This one will take a bit of research but you’ll be surprised to know how many restaurants and sites are right in your background that are replicates of landmarks from other countries – possibly even ones you want to visit.  Looking to visit Florence, Italy, perhaps?  Go on Yelp.com and look for the restaurant in your area that is the most authentic.  Then call and talk to the owner and let them know you’re looking to recreate a Florence weekend in your own town.  Go into the restaurant when you know they’ll be there and ask them to point you to every local site that reminds them of home.

7. Become a Connoisseur
Ever wonder what people are doing when they’re sniffing or swirling their wine around in the glass, looking to see if it’s got “legs”?  Well, wonder no more.  Go into your local wine bar and tell the sommelier you want to know everything there is to know about wine. (Be prepared to be there for some time because if you ask a sommelier that, they’ll be bringing you wine for hours!)  Have no interest in wine?  No problem.  Think about something you both are interested in learning about and set out to become a connoisseur of that.

Looking for more ideas you don’t see here?  Maybe some stay-at-home date night ideas?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

5 Days to Better Sex in Marriage

I was celibate for nearly eight years before marrying my husband.  So let’s just say that after we said I do, the phrase “getting back on the saddle” took on a whole new meaning. 

I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t know what I was doing…seriously.

Almost eleven happily married years later and there are days when I’m still a bit clueless.  And since I know many of you also feel the same way on some days, I’m sharing with you five things I’ve employed in my own sex life that has worked magic and I’m hoping it’ll do the same for you. 

Give this 5-day challenge a try and enjoy amping your sex life up to the next level.

5 Days & 5 Ways to Better Sex in Marriage

DAY ONE: Exploration.  We humans can be a bit arrogant.  We think we know far more than we usually do.  As we age, our bodies and hormones change. 

What sent you to the moon and back ten years ago may not even cause a tingle in your little toe today.  That’s okay.  No, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with your marriage or the romance is gone. 

It could simply be your body telling you it’s changed a bit and it’s time to begin exploring it once again.  There are many ways to do this.  The Hot/Cold game is my personal favorite (when he touches you in a place that sends shivers up your spine, say “hot, hot, hot”). 

DAY TWO: Lube it or lose it.  “To lube or not to lube…that is the question.”  Well, maybe that wasn’t the exact line from Shakespeare’s Hamlet but close enough.  I’ve never quite understood why lubricant is such a taboo subject and why there’s an entire cohort of people who think using it means there’s something wrong with your sex drive.  Hogwash. 

As I’ve inched closer and closer to 40 years old, my body composition has changed.  And not just as the years go on but daily.  Depending on my hormone levels, there’s no telling what might be going on in my body.  Lubrication takes the guessing work out.  But you have to find the right lubricant for your body.  Personally, I love Wet Synergy and Wet Platinum.  I purchase them from the local CVS or Walgreens.

Many like the lubricants with a “cool tingle” or “warming” effect.  For me, those cause me to laugh (at the most inopportune moments) because it gets either too hot or too cold in a very special place.  Bottom line: find one that works best for you and don’t be afraid to try it. 

DAY THREE: Get out of the bedroom.  I know the bed is a fabulous place to make love.  It’s comfy with fluffy pillows.  But too much of the same thing could become, well, a little boring over time.  If you’ve got kids, find a time and place when you won’t be distracted (I remember reading an article years ago and laughing about Tim McGraw’s comment about he and his wife, Faith Hill, ducking into closets around the house).  For us, we have a 22-year old in the house who would be mortified to think we were having sex in our bedroom (and she’s told us as much).  So we’re quite stealthy.  We have locations she doesn’t know about and we use them…often.

Trying a new location can make all the difference in the world.  But don’t take yourselves too seriously.  Making love should be fun.  If you end up falling over because you decide to test out a closet and trip over a pair of shoes or if you slip in the shower, it’s okay.  Laugh it off.  Lighten the mood.  Just have fun with it!

DAY FOUR: Think sensual thoughts.  Nothing gets me going quite like thinking about my husband -and the times he sends my body into a frenzy- while he’s still on his way home from work.  Poor guy.  He walks through the door and I’m like a cheetah pouncing on its prey.  I remember doing this on a plane home one day and when he picked me up from the airport, well, let’s just say it was a pretty long ride home.  It seemed to take forever!  And he couldn’t get me home fast enough. 

Send your husband flirty texts throughout the day.  Remind yourself of the last time you and he had mind-blowing sex.  Replay that again and again until you see him.  And then, once you see that beautiful smile, let all the things we discussed from days 1, 2, and 3 take over.

DAY FIVE: Create a sensual playlist.  Music has a way of transporting us in time like nothing else.  It can cause us to visualize things we haven’t seen in years.  Create a playlist of songs that cause you both to want to tear each other’s clothes off.  But don’t forget, if you’re playing it on your cellphone, put that thing on airplane mode to make sure your phone doesn’t start ringing at the worst time possible.

I’m sure you’ve noticed, each of the five days of this challenge I’m suggesting you make love.  Yes!  And I’ll tell you why.  The more you make love, the more your body will crave it.  And the more your body craves it, the more you and your husband will take the time to continue to explore what it takes to make your body rock.

If your schedules won’t allow this to be done in five days, try making it a ten-day challenge.  But don’t stretch it too far out or you miss the bonus effect of “make love more, want more.”

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

15 Most Creative & Cheap Stay-at-Home Date Night Ideas

When I wrote the post on the top 20 stay-at-home date night ideas a couple months ago, I had no idea how popular it would become.

To date, that post has been viewed more than 1.5 million times – making it the most popular on our site. Whoa!

This past weekend, I thought I’d challenge myself to find 15 more creative and cheap stay-at-home date night ideas.

I knew it would be tough because the first time around, I spent quite a while looking for the best and most creative on the web.  

Was I able to find any awesome new ones?  Were there some still out there I missed?  Well, I’ll let you decide for yourself.

This new list doesn’t replace our Top 20 on the Web so if you haven’t seen that one, definitely check it out.

But if you’ve seen that one and are looking for even more options, here are 15 more creative and cheap stay-at-home date nights.

Between these two lists, I’m fairly certain we’ve found the Top 35 stay-at-home date nights on the web.  And if we missed any super creative ones, please drop those off in the comments section below. Inquiring minds want to know!

1. Become Cook-Off Champions! Have you ever been to a restaurant proudly displaying a plaque that read, “Winner of the (So and So) Cook-Off” and thought, “I could make this better!” Well, here’s your chance!

   Scour the web for award-winning recipes for chili, cheesecake, carrot cake and anything else you think you and your spouse could make well, and spend the night perfecting that award-winning recipes (think Bobby Flay’s Throwdown).

   And if you’re feeling really good about your dish by the end of the night, enter a local contest (like this) to show off your goods.

2. At Home County Fair. When was the last time you attended the country fair? My favorite part: candy apples! So while you might not cover the ground of your backyard with peanut shells or sit on haystacks, you can do almost everything else (use this at-home county fair date night checklist idea list) – including make homemade caramel apples!

3. ‘Color Me Mine’ at Home (Create a Personalized Mug). My hubby would love this one! Coffee runs through his veins for sure. Purchase inexpensive white mugs, pick a sharpie, draw on it, bake it, and enjoy “the best part of waking up is (fill in brand) in your cup.”

4. Create Your Own National Holiday. Did you know there is a Married to a Scorpio Support Day? Yep, it’s November 18th. What about No Socks Day. Uh huh…May 8th.  Last night, we were at a Pan-Asian restaurant and they were promoting the upcoming National Noodle Day (October 6th for all you noodle lovers).  So why not create your own national holiday, mark it on your calendar and celebrate it each and every year?  It’s not too late to declare tomorrow National Lazy Day?

5. Night of Bubbly. How many fun things can you think of that involve bubbles? Bubble bath, champagne, bubble wrap, homemade soda, super-sized bubbles – everything that comes to mind, get it and have a night filled with bubblelicious fun. Because bubbles make everything better!

6. Good Ole’ Fashioned Fish Fry. Bet you never thought about this one! This is especially fun if you don’t live in the south and have only seen a fish fry on television. In the south, when you tell folks you’re having a fish fry, everyone you know shows up! But there’s nothing better than a fish fry for two.  
   Fried catfish, hushpuppies, everything your heart desires.  You can even go all out and purchase one of those red and white checkered table clothes and a “fish fry apron.”  There’s no limit to your fish fry night of fun and if you’re feeling fully southern, try this ‘smack your mamma good’ peach cobbler to cap off your evening of fun. 

7. Spend a Night in Italy. Love this date night idea from AskMen. A night in Italy might include homemade pizzas, a bottle of Chianti, gelato, and an Italian-themed movie such as Life is Beautiful or The Italian Job. You may even want to take it one step further and make it a night in Italy in the 1950s, in which case you should dress and decorate accordingly and watch Roman Holiday or The Talented Mr. Ripley.

8. Dine Al Fresco. This one can be done in your front yard, backyard, or if you’re feeling adventurous, set up dinner in a center medium of a non-busy street. (Technically, dinner on a street median isn’t stay-at-home but I saw this here and thought that sounded like too much fun not to include!)

9. Fill the Bucket (list, that is). Last week, I met a man in his mid-70s who put on his bucket list 40+ years ago to travel to more than 200 non-US cities in his lifetime. He was at #182 and was hitting the road this summer to travel to another 10 more. Talk about inspiration! Grab a couple notebooks and write down all the dreams you hope to accomplish before you ‘kick the bucket’ and decide together which ones you will tackle first.

10. Strip Scrabble. SO happy my Scrabble-loving mother didn’t discover this while we were kids! The rules are simple: The spouse who cannot score higher than the other must remove an article of clothing. If a spouse ‘challenges’ a word and wins, s/he can put an article of clothing back on; if s/he loses, s/he must remove an article of clothing. Winner may make any one request of the losing spouse (make it good ).

11. Trilogy Movie Marathon. Who knew there were so many trilogies out there?! The Lord of the Rings. Raiders of the Lost Ark. Mission Impossible 1, 2, and 3. The Mighty Ducks (not kidding, there really was three). Get out a huge bowl, pop some of your favorite popcorn, make your own movie theater Icees (oh yeah, these can be made at home!) and enjoy the best date night at the movies ever!

12. Dancing with the Stars. YOU be the judge in this season’s Dancing with the Stars! With free printable score cards and a championship bracket from the fabulous ladies over at The Dating Divas – watching the show just got more exciting!

13. Chocolate Tasting Night. Okay, so this is probably more for you than for your hubby but what can’t a ton of chocolate make better? Purchase tons of unique chocolates, use this awesome tasting mat printable and have a blast. But remember what happened to the kid in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory that ate too much candy… Pace yourself, my friend.

14. Fake Vacation. Virtual vacation, anyone? Short on time, short on money, can’t get away? Love this idea HWC contributor Paula Rollo came up with when she and her hubby were in a similar predicament last year.

15. Catch a Sunrise (or sunset). The date doesn’t have to end just because the night did. Wake up super early, pull the blankets off your bed (or out of a closet) and create a makeshift breakfast picnic while watching the sunrise. Check SunriseSunset.com to find out exactly what time to set your alarm for (or you can just pretend you’re still a teenager and stay up through the night).

I’m pretty sure this is it for the Top Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas list. But if we missed any that you think are better than our Top 35, make sure to include it in the comments below.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Look Into Your Husband’s Eyes…What Do You See?

There is a picture that sits on the corner of my desk.  It is more than a decade old yet captivates me anew with each glance.

The backdrop of the image is a bit messy.  A wooden bar top with a small white plate, red cloth napkin, used silver fork and some sort of watered down beverage.  Clearly, the background is not what draws me in every time I sit down to write.

It is his face.

The face of a man who chooses to overlook my flaws each and every day.  The smile of a man who continuously encourages me to become the best version of myself.

He has the cutest ears.  The same ears that have been there to listen to me fully and intently for longer than I can remember.  His large hands cradle my small ones with tenderness and an acknowledgement that one of his greatest strengths is his gentleness.

His love for me is palpable.  No one looking at this photo would miss that.  But what I see every day when I glance up from my desk are his eyes.  Those beautiful, dark brown eyes, slightly turned downward at the outer corners with laugh lines encircling both sides.

Looking into his eyes, I see grace.  I am a work in progress but he doesn’t seem to mind.  

When I allow to-do lists and business-related affairs to consume my day and forget momentarily that the best use of my time is that which focuses on my family, faith, and community, he reminds me gently.  Grace.  

Those times when my thinking and speaking happen in one singular action and he just smiles. Grace.

When I have a challenging day and collapse into his arms with tears streaming down my face, he’s always there to hold me for as long as I need. Grace.

What I see when I look into my husband’s eyes is love, respect, honor and adoration.  His humility shines through illuminating all else.  But above all things, when I look into his eyes, I see grace.  Enough for today.  More than enough for tomorrow.

QUESTION: When you look into your husband’s eyes, what is the most awe-inspiring thing you see?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

5 Special Gifts for National Husband’s Day

On January 22, 2014, we sponsored an unofficial new holiday: National Husband’s Day. A special day set aside for the nearly 1 million women in the Happy Wives Club community to celebrate our husbands.

Initially, my hope was we’d be able to get a government official to proclaim the day on our behalf. Our team began working on that and quickly realized the many complications of getting a date named as a holiday officially. But who needs official?

National Peanut Butter Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays. No government official has yet to recognize that officially but that doesn’t stop me from indulging in a few more spoonfuls of that tasty stuff just at the mention of its national holiday.

So let’s celebrate our special day together!

To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.

1. Print this certificate. If you didn’t get a chance to print this off last year, you may still want to print it now to let your husband know you’re a proud member of this club and because of his love, you’ve sponsored this day honoring him. This is the original sponsorship certificate so it includes the original 2014 date. Here is one dated for 2015.

2. Customize this proclamation. If you printed the above certificate last year as one of the original sponsors of National Husband’s Day (or even if you didn’t), we’ve created a customizable proclamation for you to give your husband this year. Customize it. Print it out (legal size paper). Frame it. Then deliver to him a gift sure to make him proud. (If your computer doesn’t allow you to customize the PDF, print this one to handwrite his name and your name instead).

3. Print a customized Book of Love. This fantastic DIY coupon book from The Dating Divas is something sure to knock your husband’s socks off. Surprise him with this creative book that gives him all the things he wants most…one coupon at a time.

4. Write the perfect love letter. Have you ever written your husband a love letter? Not just a few words at the bottom of a card but actually write the card yourself? If not, today’s a pretty fantastic day to sharpen your writing skills. To make it easy, here are 7 ways to write the perfect love letter.

5. Spoil your spouse date night. There’s no better night than tonight to spoil your spouse. This date night is all about doing what your husband loves to do. No marital compromise here –this is his night!

Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.