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Top 10 Marriage Advice That Really Works

It’s human nature to want to share our knowledge with those around us. Everyone seems to want to share their two cents about marital advice, whether it’s welcomed or unsolicited.

I’ve reached out to some of my favorite bloggers, closest friends and family members to see what advice they’ve received that has really had an impact over the course of their marriage.

“Marriage is not all about ‘What’s in it for me?’  If you feel that way, turn it around, and say, ‘What can I do for my spouse, without expecting back?’  Then do it.  Advice I got from Sheila Wraye Gregoire that completely improved my marriage, from the first few days I tried it.” ~Gina Badalaty, Mom Blog

“You can’t change people. The things your husband does while you’re dating that irritate you are still going to irritate you twenty years later. People can change, but YOU can’t change them.” ~Nicole Quier, One Punky Mama

“You are not going to agree on everything but you can disagree fairly.  Discuss one topic at a time and do not over-inflate your frustration by bringing other issues into the conversation.” ~Jessica Cohen, Found The Marbles

“Don’t argue about money because when the argument is over you are still broke.” ~Courtney Slazinik, Click It Up A Notch

“Always continue to do what you did to get them.” ~Sharon Moskowitz

“Stop and think if it will be a big deal in a few days, weeks, months, or years before you pick a fight about it.” ~Elaine Dahle

“Marriage is about knowing your spouses buttons and choosing not to push them.” ~Gevenieve Blair

“Let your spouse have his/her own hobbies that do not include you. Even though you
love each other, everyone needs a little break to be themselves for a bit.” Cindy Dudas, Whatever Works

“Decide if you want your spouse to do something – or do something YOUR WAY. . .because
once you try to correct them, you may find yourself doing it yourself.” Hillary Hoch Chybinski, My Scraps

“Things get crazy quick so make sure to set aside some time to just talk, nothing else
in the background…just talk. Communicating is key.” Lauryn Blakesley, The Vintage Mom

For our honeymoon, my husband and I took a cruise to Bermuda and somehow we got roped into participating in the ship’s “Newlywed/Not-So-Newlywed” game show. It was one of the greatest – and most embarrassing – experiences of my life.

The following day we ran into an older couple on the ferry. The woman was holding tight to her husband’s hand as she gave me the best advice. “Fall in love with your husband every day. It keeps your love interesting and at the forefront of your relationship.”

I wish I could thank her now. I remember those words every day and ten years later I’m still falling in love with my husband over and over again.

Question: What advice has someone given you that has helped you in your relationship/marriage? (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click through the Comments button below)

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Marriage Mondays: Lean In {& Link Up}

Do you ever find yourself pulling back when all you really want to do is wrap your arms around your husband, kiss him a hundred times and tell him how much you desire him?  When out in public, have there been times when you’ve decided not to lean in to your husband as much as you’d like because you were concerned about how others might perceive your expressed adoration?

Adoration is an interesting word.  It is Latin from the word adōrātiō and means to respect; reverence; have strong admiration or devotion.  Most women are comfortable with expressing love for their spouse but not adoration.  I wonder why.

Maybe it’s because we also use the term love to express how we feel about our pets, our favorite foods, a movie we thoroughly enjoyed.  Maybe it’s because it is possible to love and still hold something back.  But when we adore, by the very nature of that word, it means we go “all in.”

For the record, I adore my husband in the greatest sense of the word.  Whether in public or private, I think he’s the best thing since toasted rye bread covered in melted butter.  I love him, indeed I do, but I also fawn over him because I know he needs and desires that just like I do.

The sad part is women like me are becoming more and more rare.  So many don’t give themselves the freedom to do this; to fully give in to the respect and admiration they have for their husband.  Maybe it makes them feel weak.  Possibly it’s because we’ve been taught for so long that we should hold back a part of us; save a little just in case we later need it.

Unfortunately, by withholding from our spouse, we also withhold from ourselves because they aren’t the only ones who need to feel as though they mean the entire world to at least one person.  Women may express it more often but we’re both wired in this manner (men, even more so than women).

There has been alot of talk these days about renewed feminism and this concept of Lean In.  I am a businesswoman and am proud of what I’ve accomplished in the workforce and will undoubtedly continue to set and achieve ambitious goals in the years ahead.  But what is more important to me than leaning in to my career is leaning in to my marriage.

I intentionally give my all to my husband and marriage every day because when I retire from the workforce, I want to make sure I’ve created a family that’s built to last.  I want to have a marriage I thoroughly enjoy and a husband who never ceases to make me smile.  I don’t want to wake up in my fifties and realize I’ve got a fat bank account and a skinny relationship.

So if you want to know if I believe in the concept of Lean In, absolutely!  The only difference is I am focused on leaning in to what matters most in the long run: God, family and friends.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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The Benefit of Creating Special Moments

I’m not quite sure what came over me.  As I opened the door, I heard melodies floating through the air carrying me to the area where Keith sat, laptop open, typing away.  

He turned and looked at me and his eyes beckoned me forward.

A moment later, the Il Vivo song that had been playing when I entered out home changed to a popular song Home by Michael Bublè.

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmm…
May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home

Michael Bublè sang these lyrics through the television speakers as I walked over to Keith and gently took hold of his hand.  As he swung his large black leather desk chair around, his eyes met mine and he somehow instinctively knew, I wanted to dance.  He lifted my left hand toward his lips and gave it a tender kiss before standing up and leading me to the center of our living room floor.

With his 6’4″ frame towering over my 5’4″ stature, he rested his chin on the top of my head as I pressed my cheek against his chest, and we began to dance.  Swaying back and forth in a small area on our carpeted floor, we listened to lyrics that didn’t seem to relate to us at all, and yet we were so moved by them.

We were embracing each other -my right hand in his left, my left hand on his shoulder, his right hand around my waist- and yet this song touched our soul.  It transported us to times when we weren’t together.  Either traveling for work or possibly even before we were together.  A memory of not being together brought us even closer that night.

As Bublè sang the final note of the song, I looked at Keith and whispered, “Thank you for this dance,” a reference he and I both know from a Garth Brooks song we love.

After another tender embrace, we gathered our things and headed to a nearby restaurant for dinner.  As we walked through the restaurant, we heard a familiar tune.  The pianist in the bar area was playing Michael Bublè’s Home and just that quickly, we were transported back to the middle of our living room floor, hands clinched, embracing each other in an impromptu dance.

I looked at Keith, he looked down at me, and we just smiled.  Without so much as saying a word, we both knew we’d just created a special moment that would last for the remainder of our years.  No matter where we are or when it happens, the moment we hear Home, we will now think about that dance.

Life is made of small moments.  Tender, loving moments.  Creating them daily in your marriage allows you to -no matter where you may be- think back to a specific time and place and to again feel what you felt in that single moment.

Our lives are busy.  Many of us have a difficult time just keeping up with our own schedules.  But remember, a special moment can be created in less than two minutes and it can never be taken away.  It is a treasure you can hold on to forever.  

QUESTION: What special moment comes to the surface of your mind and makes you smile?  (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click through the Comments button below)

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Perfect Cure for Cabin Fever

Today’s post is by one of our fabulous contributors here on Happy Wives Club, Kim Hall @ Too Darn Happy. A couple weeks ago, she wrote a guest post and everyone loved it so much I asked her to write another. I’m SO happy she said yes!  I hope you enjoying reading it as much as I did.

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Did you catch that awful bug that goes around this time every year?

Here in the Northeast U.S., it tends to strike with a vengeance towards the end of the snow season, but before the flowers awaken.

You can’t miss the symptoms:

A bone-deep weariness, difficulty breathing, and an unbearable urge to throw off multiple layers of warm clothes as we run screaming through the streets, crazily yelling, “I can’t take this cold weather anymore! Bring on spring!”

Today’s guest post is by one of our regular contributors for Happy Wives Club, Kim Hall @ TooDarnHappy!  You loved her guest post a couple weeks ago so I asked her to write another and I’m so happy she said yes!

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My dear hubby and I were struck with an extraordinarily virulent strain of the dreaded Cabin Fever in the thick of our innkeeping days. Our B&B was particularly busy in the winter, and consequently our hours were long, time for rest and relaxation was short, and patience was stretched thin.

When the snows finally began to recede, we were surprised and delighted by a mid-week day that dawned clear, bright and sunny, with zero chance of guests.

Work schedules quickly took a back seat to some good old-fashioned fun.

We dragged our kayaks out of hibernation from the old chicken coop and headed down to the still-frozen pond along with our camera gear, and proceeded to get really silly. We posed and played and laughed until our tummies hurt. “Hold on! I’ve got an idea,” Keith would yell, and then we’d give that a whirl. I’d run and slip across the ice to my tripod, set up the shot, and try to get back quickly without falling before the timer popped the shutter.

I love that my husband has a playful spirit.

He loves that I am an encourager.

Together we are at our best.

Although we still face regular temptation to snap at each other, we make a mindful choice every day of how to respond to bumps in the road. After all, we only have three choices in any situation: to accept, leave or change it. (For more on the applying the Three Door Rule, see here.)

What choices did we make on that spring day?

We chose grateful acceptance, because we weren’t sticking with our jobs and responsibilities.

We chose to change our state of mind and hearts by indulging in some wacky fun.

Additionally important, we chose gratitude: for the beautiful weather, the opportunity to spend quality time together, and especially for the winter that always, always gives birth to spring.

The next time you are experiencing Cabin Fever, apply intentional choices sprinkled with a generous measure of gratitude, and you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel!

Question: How do you cure Cabin Fever?

May you find happiness wherever you are! Kim @ Too Darn Happy

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Marriage Mondays: What is Your Real Passion? {& Link Up}

This week’s link up post is written by one of my favorite happy wives, Susan Merrill.  She’s a contributor for this site and a pretty awesome chick, inside and out.  Enjoy!

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In the beginning there is passion. Most relationships begin with passion. Passion can be defined as a strong sexual desire but it is also defined as intense emotion or enthusiasm. You can have intense emotion or enthusiasm for a lot of things but the majority of us would like to be most passionate about our husbands, our children, and our family.

We want to be passionate but here is the problem—passion can be drained. I believe that every woman starts with great passion for her husband and her children. Passion fills our mind with visions of the loving family we desire. But as time goes on we can get distracted from our passion; stuff just happens in life—work, children, illness, financial stress—and our passion springs a leak.

But it is in there somewhere.

So how do we find it?  What can we do to ignite and refuel the passion we have lost?

For me, the motivation to stay passionate starts in my faulty heart—ironically, the symbolic dwelling place for passion and love. My heart has failed me on several occasions. At one point it stopped completely and at the age of seventeen I had a cardiac arrest. I was exposed to eternity for just a breath of time, but everything that I loved had time to flash through my mind. God and the people I love: that is all I saw.

When your heart stops, your mind will freeze where your heart left off—with those you love. I don’t really believe you can “love” stuff—houses, careers, money. You may desire it. You may think you love it, but that is your eye trying to trick your heart. When your heart stops, your eyes will close, and what you really love will be as clear as day. That is your real passion.

If your heart stopped what would flash before your eyes?

I hope your answer included your husband. Your husband should come before any other life on earth, even ahead of children. Make him the passion that he should be in this life, or would be if you knew this life was soon to end. Think of him with passion; cling to him with passion; love him passionately.

Susan Merrill
–Author of The Passionate Mom
–Director of iMOM.com
–Blogger at SusanMe.com
–Wife to Mark Merrill
–Mother of five

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Explore the NEW Happy Wives Club

 

Have you had a chance to explore the new Happy Wives Club site since we unveiled its new design last month?    If not, please allow me to give you a quick tour around our new digs.  We designed this site with you, our members and visitors, in mind and hope it continues to serve up daily encouragement for your marriage.

For the past three years, you have been asking us to add comments to the blog posts.  Oh, how I wish it were that easy!  The platform this site was originally built on had a pretty horrendous commenting system which rendered it quite pointless for its intended purpose.  But now that we have our very own server and are using WordPress, you can now post comments – woohoo!!

Although adding an ability to communicate through comments on each of the pages is pretty cool, it’s not nearly as awesome as my favorite new feature.  Did you know we now have more than 30 writers contributing to this site?  That’s right.  For the new Happy Wives Club, I enlisted some of my favorite online writers to deliver fresh content daily.

If you haven’t explored the contributor sections of the site, FOOD, HEALTH & FITNESS, TRAVEL, and DATE NIGHTS, you don’t know what you’re missing!  Just click on any of the links on the top right of this page to discover more.

In the Health & Fitness section, U.S. Olympian Annett Davis is helping us keep our New Year’s resolution of getting and staying in shape.  In the Food section, some of the best food bloggers on the web have joined us to deliver tasty recipes for you and your family.

The Travel section will take you around the world and back, all from the very seat you’re sitting in right now.  Read about the wonderful excursions of these bloggers and then plan your own trips.  

Last, but certainly not least, in the Date Nights section you’ll find creative ideas for some alone time with your spouse.  From cheap date nights at home to elaborate date nights on the town, you can find plenty of ideas that will fit within your budget.

Happy Wives Club is a place where you can come daily, not just to be encouraged in your marriage but also to be given tools to take your union from good to great and from great to extraordinary.  We will continue to make changes to this site to better serve you and, as always, encourage your feedback.  After all, this site was created specifically for you.

Until Monday…make it a great day!

25 Awesome Anniversary Gift Ideas for Under $25

Have you ever been just a couple days away from your wedding anniversary and trying to figure out what meaningful gift you can get…inexpensively?  Yep, been there, done that.  But have no fear, you (and I) never have to go through that again.

Yesterday, we posed a simple question to Happy Wives Club members on our Facebook Community page: What is the most creative anniversary gift you (and/or your husband) has ever given for less than $25? And we got back some pretty awesome answers!  These are just a few of our favorites.  

Feel free to borrow these ideas and make them your own. I most certainly will!  

1. For our first anniversary (which is traditionally the paper anniversary), I took sand from Lake Michigan (where my husband was born) and put it in an old bottle with a stopper top.  Then I took a piece of paper and “aged” it with coffee and tea grounds. When it dried, I printed a poem I wrote on it, burned the edges to make it look OLD, rolled it up, tied it with a red ribbon, and put it in the bottle. He loved it and it still sits on his dresser by the bed! -Carla

2. My husband took the batteries out of a wall clock, set it to the time we got married, and wrote a poem around the outside of it. -Stephanie

3. I bought a jar and filled it with his favorite candy and wrapped each candy with a piece of paper that had a reason why I love him. -Shelley

4. On our first year anniversary, my husband gave me a photo album he had worked on the entire year to commemorate our first year together. -Sharon

5. One year we decided to get creative and set a $5 limit and whatever we did it had to fit in a noodle box. My husband made me a Red Vine bouquet and I filled his with Love Notes candy! -Sherry-Jane

6. I went on Shutterfly and put a picture of us at our wedding on a shirt w/ the caption “Married My Best Friend” and our wedding date. -Vanessa

7. In a small box, I placed inside a test pack w/ a positive pregnancy result… we’d been longing for 8 years.-Jyra

8. A six-pack of diet Coke and a gallon of chocolate ice cream — it was meaningful to the two of us, something no one else would think of giving me….expensive gifts just bought as a gift can’t hold a candle to something simple and inexpensive with loads of personal meaning. -Kelly

9. I made a poster of the different popular love teams (i.e tarzan & jane, mickey and minnie mouse) and in the middle I put our names in bolder, bigger letters and put it in a romantic frame I personally made. -Sheila

10. I got $20 dollars worth in $2 dollar bills and printed labels with things we could do and rolled them up. (go to the dollar show, get ice cream, go for a walk to the store to get a candy…)  It was fun and we got to spend time together. -Urinda

11. A puzzle with a picture of your wedding and you can spend time every year putting it together they make them at Walmart or Meijer. -Adilene

12. My sweet hubby made me a DVD of family pictures from when we dated through our 10th anniversary using some of my favorite music as background. It was a complete surprise and is my most prized gift from him (we’ve been married 22 years now – hoping for an updated version ). -Tonya

13. My husband gave me this Love basket with all my favorite things in it (smell goods “candy” whitebear that smells like chocolate and a red and pink heart with a rose in my name). -Lori

14. An envelope full of handmade vouchers for a back tickle, massage, favourite dinner, movie night, etc. He could redeem his vouchers whenever he wanted. -Claire

15. I arranged for the children to be gone & prepared a dinner & greeted him in a piece of lingerie & dinner & dessert was me. -Valerie

16. A mix cd of songs from our dating and married life that reminded me of him or a special memory we share. We love to listen to it. It is like memory lane of our marriage and it always shows us how far we have come, let’s enjoy where we have been and look forward to where we are going! -Jamie

17. For our 25th Anniversary I gave my husband a silver trophy that read To My Greatest Friend and Lover. He really enjoyed his gift since he never received one as a child. Now, he’s looking forward to our 50th for another trophy. -Dawn

18. I cross stitched a wedding sampler for our 25th anniversary for my husband.  It didn’t cost much at all. -Tina

19. One year gave him a heart shaped box with a note inside “this heart is filled with kisses for you from me.”  He loved it! -June

20. Etsy has wonderfully thoughtful gifts. Ordered a print with all the family’s important dates on it-wedding day, births of our children, etc. -Julie

21. I made him a video that told him all the things I love about him and put pictures of us throughout our relationship. He loved it! -Michelle

22. Our anniversary is on Groundhog Day..so I went to Build-A-Bear and made my husband a groundhog and included inside the stuffed animal a personal message I recorded while making “Phil”. He LOVED it! -Stephanie

23. Husband made me a dozen roses out of my favorite candy (stuffed Twizzlers). -Brittany

24. Wrote out the words of all the little ways he shows me love everyday and framed it… stamped 3 hearts on the frame (for our third anniversary) displayed it in the bathroom where we see it everyday 10 years later. -Jacqueline

25. At-home spa day.  Treat your spouse to a 30-minute massage, followed by an enzyme facial (don’t attempt to do extractions…enzyme facial mask will do the trick and can be purchased anywhere for less than $20), manicure and pedicure. -Fawn (yep, I just came up with this one so I’d better try it out myself ).

QUESTION: Do you have any great anniversary gift ideas for less than $25?  Please share them with us! (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click through the Comments button below)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.

Marriage Mondays: Conflict Resolution 101 {& Link Up}

**SUBSCRIBERS: You may have received this post twice (it’s our fault, not Google’s ).**

Have you ever wondered why some couples argue nonstop and others very rarely?  Over the years, this curiosity has caused me to pay a great deal of attention to couples on both ends of the spectrum.  And there seems to be a commonality among those who have mastered the art of easing into a discussion rather than crashing into an argument.

The first thing is they do is pay close attention to their spouse and any mood changes they might be having.  “Could this change in their attitude or mood be something caused by me?” is a question they ask themselves.  And if they can’t pinpoint something they may have done to frustrate or disappoint their spouse, they will simply ask that question and then listen.

This is exactly what happened to me earlier today.  I noticed Keith responded to something positive I shared with him in a less than enthusiastic manner.  So the first thing I did was ask myself the above question.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it so I simply posed the question to him.  

As it turns out, a response I’d given him in a discussion earlier in the morning disappointed him.  And by asking the question, we were able to naturally segue-way back to our conversation from the morning and, this time, to end with a resolution that worked for the hubby much better.

The second thing I’ve noticed with couples who have conflict resolution down packed, is many of them have a cue.  When out in public, they have a private cue between one another that lets the other know if they’ve said something (unintentionally) that may have bothered the other or hurt their feelings.  

This cue is something that would have been helpful last night when I did something while at a dinner with friends that bothered Keith a bit.  I didn’t catch his “hinting” at it which in turn became our discussion this morning.

It was then that I realized we’d not put into place something I’ve seen couples successful in conflict resolution institute.  So immediately, we came up with a cue either of us could give to the other that would keep us from seeming as though we are attempting to control or correct the other, but would also allow us to course correct in the midst of a conversation when others are around.

We’ll celebrate 10 beautiful years together in just a few weeks and yet instituting something like this is new to us.  Just goes to show, it’s never too late to continue learning the little things that allow you to take your marriage from great to extraordinary.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

 

 

 

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Small Business of a Broken Promise

Weddings.

Love them for the tender committment they celebrate.

Not so much for the craziness that overtakes some brides so that they ought to be committed. . .

Years ago, my family hosted weddings and receptions at our comfortable and casual B&B. We welcomed the nicest guests in the world, and as one young woman noted, “The events you hold here are more like family reunions with a wedding in the middle. The emphasis is on the joyful relationships, not so much solely on the bride.”

One gorgeous autumn weekend, proud parents had rented the entire inn and invited about forty guests to join them in celebrating their daughter’s wedding. For rehearsal dinner, the young couple had prepared the meal and served it themselves to friends and family in our bright and cheery dining room, giving thanks for their presence in their lives.

Following the feast, the bride brought a figurine to me for safe-keeping: a homespun Willow Tree statue of a young man and woman holding lovingly to one another, titled “Promise.” She explained how she and her fiance had picked it out especially for the cake, to illustrate the promise of their love to one another. I gave her my word I would keep it tucked securely in a corner of the kitchen until needed.

Saturday dawned crisp, bright and beautiful, a perfect day for a wedding.

I was making breakfast—and I still don’t know how it happened—but I knocked the beloved decoration onto the floor. One of the groom’s legs broke off, and took part of the bride with it. I stood there in horror, wondering how in the world I was going to tell Annie*.

I soon had the opportunity to find out. When she came into the kitchen, I gulped, grabbed the two pieces, and confessed what I’d done. I told her a new one was already on its way and would arrive well before the ceremony. Then I held my breath, nervously awaiting her response.

She laughed, looking over the pieces, and commented at the irony of the now broken Promise. She even offered to put it back together if I had some glue. 

The rest of the day flew by flawlessly, with the young couple marrying under a brilliant orange sunset, an unbroken Promise in their hearts and on their cake. The funny story made the rounds of the guests, and everyone got a good chuckle out of it. 

The moral?

Remember it’s not the trappings of the wedding that will hold your marriage together, but the strength of the relationship that is the real glue.  

May you find happiness wherever you are! Kim @ Too Darn Happy

*Not her real name

QUESTION: What is your best piece of advice for a bride and groom on their wedding day?  (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click the Comments button)

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Married Couples Don’t Have Sex (Say What?!)

Single people have sex more than married couples, right?  Wrong.  I’ve heard this inaccuracy quoted over and over again, in spite of the myth being refuted more times than I can count.  So this begs the question.  Is it the Al and Peggy Bundys or Lisa (and Ken) Vanderpumps of the television world that cause us to believe this constantly debunked myth about marriage and sex?

I thought about that question several times last week after a chance encounter with an unmarried couple who were darn near having sex in public (much to the displeasure of those nearby).

I attended a birthday gathering for one of my closest friends at a hot springs spa in Corona, California.  This certainly was not a unique idea as there were dozens of all-women groups enjoying the acres of land filled with pools, jacuzzis, mineral baths, and everything else one might desire at a spa resort.

There weren’t many men there but one in particular caught our eye.  For one, it seemed as though he was filming a soft porn movie with his girlfriend right before our very eyes.  Role playing, feeling each other up and doing a few things Keith and I would only dare do in the privacy of our own home (hotel, etc).

We all decided to turn away but couldn’t help but chuckle anytime we accidentally caught a glance of this couple. It felt like we were in the middle of a prank-style television show.  Maybe we were all getting Punk’d!

During one of our group spa experiences, in an area called the Grotto, the couple began suggestively rubbing a body treatment on one another from head to toe.  At one point, the guy became so engrossed in their seductive dance that he knelt down in front of his companion, placed his head in a very interesting location, and a woman standing nearby absolutely lost it.

“Do that kind of stuff in your own house!  We didn’t pay money to come see you and your girlfriend make out!”

An argument ensued between the two strangers and raised to a feverish pitch when he egged her on with, “What’s your problem?  Are you not in a relationship or something?”

“I’m married!” she adamantly replied.  ”Oh, well that explains it,” he countered.  ”I hear married people don’t have sex.”

Let’s just say, that comment didn’t go well with all the married women nearby.  The experience was not relaxing, to say the least.  But it did get me to thinking, Where in the world did that rumor begin?

As it turns out, nearly every public study on this subject has concluded that those in marriages have sex on average more than our single counterparts.  According to a study by Newsweek, 15-20% of married couples have a sexless marriage.  That number is indeed much higher than it should be (my goodness are they missing out on a good thing).  But it’s clearly not the norm.  

There are plenty married couples who have learned the art of exploring each other’s bodies and the gift of pleasing one another.  And for those who haven’t, Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman, is a gold mine.

I’m still not sure where this myth about only single people having sex came from but let’s just say, when you come by my home, if the house is a rockin’ don’t bother knockin’.

QUESTION: Have you heard this myth stated before?  How did you respond?  (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click the Comments button)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

 

 

 

 

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for?  Join the club!  It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Marriage Mondays: A Refreshing Boost to Your Marriage {& Link Up}

How often do you refresh your marriage?  By refresh, I mean a conscious decision to check in with your spouse about your marriage and then initiate a rebooting or cache-clearing of sorts (just as you might your computer).

There are so many similarities I’ve found among the happily married couples I’ve interviewed over the years and one of my favorites is their consistency in beginning each day anew.  They do not take for granted that the love they shared yesterday will be enough to carry them through today.  Grateful for their spouse and all they do, and sharing that with them on a daily basis, seems to be a staple in happy households.

On the flip side, one of the greatest similarities I’ve seen among unhappy couples is forgetting that -just like a computer- a marriage must be refreshed regularly to perform optimally.  Now, I realize It might seem a bit odd to compare marriage to a computer, but between my internet start-up company and the Happy Wives Club I’m on my computer more than 85 hours per week, so I spend more time online than I do off.

So what does a rebooting or refreshing look like offline?  Early each morning, Keith and I carve out about an hour to sit with one another and enjoy a cup of coffee (him) and tea (me) to talk about anything that comes to mind.  During this daily engagement, we check in with one another and ensure we are supporting each other in the best way possible.  

As you can imagine, it is often difficult to set this time aside but we have experienced its positive impact in our marriage so we’ve learned the importance of making the time.  It serves as our daily “refresh.”  Then once a week, we shut down all our business dealings for our day of rest.  It is on this day weekly that we do a full reboot. 

If there was anything we were disappointed with (either in one another or in separate aspect of our lives) that we had not shared earlier in the week, we make sure to share it on this day.  If we need greater support in the upcoming week (or felt as though we didn’t get the amount of support we needed in the previous week), this is the time to talk about it.  

The ups, the downs, the good and the not-so-great -every week, like clockwork- we share it with one another.  We bottle nothing inside or sweep anything under the rug.  And we’ve found one of the best times to have challenging conversations is during this period of renewal.  We exhibit a greater amount of patience and more quickly find ourselves on the same page when our discussion is not rushed. 

So go ahead, try refreshing your marriage daily and rebooting it weekly for a nice boost to your marital relationship.  

QUESTION: So tell us, what do you do to refresh your marriage? (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click the Comments button)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

<a href='http://www.happywivesclub.com/staging/'><img src="http://www.happywivesclub.com/staging/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/MarriageMondays-175.jpg" alt="Happy Wives Club"/></a>

Happy Wives Club Voted Best Marriage Site!

Thank you all!!  For the second year in a row, HappyWivesClub.com has been selected as the About.com Reader’s Choice Award winner for Best Marriage Blog or Website.  And we didn’t just win, we won BIG with -you won’t believe this- 60-percent of the vote!

For those of you who may not know, this is a pretty big deal.  About.com is one of the top 100 sites in the world with more than 36 million visitors every month.  There are few award distinctions on the web with greater significance than their annual Reader’s Choice Awards.  This is only their sixth year hosting the contest so it’s amazing we’ve already won twice.

We had some great competition this year and were actually up against one of my favorite marriage sites on the web, Alisa Bowman’s Project Happily Every After.  When our Club was first building, I contacted several top marriage sites and asked if I could be a guest writer and she (like so many others) were so kind to oblige.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’ve had one heck of a week!  First, we rolled out the brand new Happy Wives Club site (make sure to share your thoughts about the new site design in the comments section below – would love to hear from you).  Then we celebrated 100,000 likes on our Facebook community page, while simultaneously hosting our most amazing giveaway ever, and now this!

Please accept my heartfelt thanks for a great start to what is sure to be a fantastic year!  Many of you are members of this club.  Some are casual readers and others are fully engaged interacting with us on our Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest pages.  No matter why you’re here, I want you to know you are truly an inspiration.  

There have been times when I look at my workload and think, “How in the world do I continue to pour into this club, my family, while running my business simultaneously?”  And at times it’s been a challenge.  But I am grateful to each and every one of you for encouraging me daily.  You remind me of the importance of this club, our overall mission, and why we can never quit.

I salute you.  I am thankful for you.  And I look forward to the day when we are surrounded by 1,000,000 women just like us.  Those who do not in any way, shape or form match the media’s portrayal of married women.  We’re not Stepford.  Not Desperate.  Just madly in love with our hubbies and loving every ounce of our marriage.  I, my friends, am honored to know you.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

 

 

 

 

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for?  Join the club!  It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

5 Special Gifts for National Husband’s Day

On January 22, 2014, we sponsored an unofficial new holiday: National Husband’s Day. A special day set aside for the nearly 1 million women in the Happy Wives Club community to celebrate our husbands.

Initially, my hope was we’d be able to get a government official to proclaim the day on our behalf. Our team began working on that and quickly realized the many complications of getting a date named as a holiday officially. But who needs official?

National Peanut Butter Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays. No government official has yet to recognize that officially but that doesn’t stop me from indulging in a few more spoonfuls of that tasty stuff just at the mention of its national holiday.

So let’s celebrate our special day together!

To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.

1. Print this certificate. If you didn’t get a chance to print this off last year, you may still want to print it now to let your husband know you’re a proud member of this club and because of his love, you’ve sponsored this day honoring him. This is the original sponsorship certificate so it includes the original 2014 date. Here is one dated for 2015.

2. Customize this proclamation. If you printed the above certificate last year as one of the original sponsors of National Husband’s Day (or even if you didn’t), we’ve created a customizable proclamation for you to give your husband this year. Customize it. Print it out (legal size paper). Frame it. Then deliver to him a gift sure to make him proud. (If your computer doesn’t allow you to customize the PDF, print this one to handwrite his name and your name instead).

3. Print a customized Book of Love. This fantastic DIY coupon book from The Dating Divas is something sure to knock your husband’s socks off. Surprise him with this creative book that gives him all the things he wants most…one coupon at a time.

4. Write the perfect love letter. Have you ever written your husband a love letter? Not just a few words at the bottom of a card but actually write the card yourself? If not, today’s a pretty fantastic day to sharpen your writing skills. To make it easy, here are 7 ways to write the perfect love letter.

5. Spoil your spouse date night. There’s no better night than tonight to spoil your spouse. This date night is all about doing what your husband loves to do. No marital compromise here –this is his night!

Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.