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7 Ways to Keep the Romance Alive After Baby is Born

If you’ve been reading this blog for any period of time, you likely know my pathway to children has been a windy one.  That’s why I’m so grateful for all the wonderful contributors of this club who give a beautiful perspective on remaining blissful in marriage…even after children.

Enjoy one of our favorite bloggers, Paula Rollo.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Life with a newborn can be challenging, never mind trying to keep the romance alive in marriage, knowing full well that the baby could interrupt at any moment. So what’s a couple to do?

Alex and I have successfully made it through the newborn stage twice in less than 3 years, so I’m here to share a few tips for keeping the romance alive and the marriage strong, even with tiny babies!

1. Plan Ahead -  Before kids, you could go out on a date whenever you wanted or stay up all night chatting, with a baby, it takes a lot of planning ahead to make any of that happen, but it can still be done!
2. Expect Plans to change - All the planning in the world can’t change a sick baby or a sleepless night! Many times the best laid plans will fall to pieces, don’t get discouraged when this happens, just keep trying!
3. Date Night - After baby comes along, date night becomes much more complex; organizing babysitters, bottles and bedtimes it can sometimes seem like more of a hassle than it’s worth, but don’t neglect it! If you don’t have a sitter, there are some fun ways to bring date night to your house, and have a romantic night in! All it takes is a little imagination and the desire to make it happen.
4. Take a Nap - It sounds silly but sometimes napping can be important to a marriage! If you run yourself ragged taking care of kids all day (and night), by the time your spouse comes home you have nothing left to offer. Don’t let yourself feel guilty if you need a nap, taking time to rest is good for you, and your marriage!
5. Talk about it - Keeping the lines of communication open is important now, more than ever before. Discuss the challenges you are each facing as you create your new life, warn each other if you are having a rough day and find creative ways to support each other through it all! A little chat can go a long way in keeping the romance alive.
6. Remember your spouse - After my kids were born, it was so easy for me to get wrapped up in their needs, and even my own that I would forget that my husband had needs too. Take time to think about your spouse and ways you can show him love, the extra effort may take a bit of energy, but it will be well worth it to let him know how much you love and appreciate him!
7. Be patient - Even though it feels like it might, this season of life won’t last forever, the baby won’t always keep you up all night and you will have energy again (yes, even before the kids are out of the house!).

Marriage does change a lot after baby, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing!  Take it from Alex and me, we know.

QUESTION: How do you keep the romance alive with kids?

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Marriage Mondays: 5 Keys to Happiness {Link Up}

I love to read.  Most of the growth that has occurred throughout the course of my adult life has come at the hands of a book.  I”m a huge believer in, whenever possible, learning from the failures of others rather than experiencing my own.  

Why go through the hard stuff yourself if you don’t have to?

There are times when you must experience your own failure or trials to fully understand a lesson but I personally do that as seldom as possible.  As a matter of fact, this has been a prayer of mine my entire adult life and I can genuinely say it has been generously answered.  

If I can grasp the lesson through someone else’s experience, you best believe that is what I will do.

Business tycoon and success magnate, Warren Buffet, once said, “When people tell me they’ve learned from experience, I tell them the trick is to learn from other people’s experience.”  YES!

So when it comes to the issue of happiness, it should come as no surprise that I look to the wisdom learned through other’s experiences to help shape how I handle challenging situations and maintain happiness in my own life.  

The best book I’ve read, and the greatest lessons I’ve learned on this matter of happiness have come from countless interviews of couples happily married 25-plus years, and a book by Richard Carlson called You Can Be Happy No Matter What.

If you’ve never read this book, I highly recommend it.  He speaks from a psychologist point of view (of which I am not) and helped me understand why and how happiness is possible in spite of every external situation in life.

I don’t write book reviews but I’ve found myself sharing this book with my friends lately so I wanted to share it with my online friends, as well.  Happiness is all about the mind; it’s all about choice.  And as a proud card-carrying member (and founder ) of the Happy Wives Club, I make this choice daily in my marriage and life.

As I was getting my car washed earlier today, I came across a Blue Mountain card that made me think about the above.  I actually bought the card, not because I have anyone to give it to, but so I could share the contents with you.  Granted, these aren’t all the keys, but they are a few great ones. 

5 Keys to Happiness

1. Realize that happiness is a choice…you can make the decision to “be happy” each day.

2. Remember that happiness is contagious.  Make someone smile, and the good feelings come right back to you.

3. Be grateful for the little things in life that are free.  Make a list, and add to it each morning.

4. Believe that ultimately everything happens for a reason.  Acceptance leads the way to happiness.

5. Give away some courage every day!  When you encourage another to “Keep going,” “hang in there,” or “believe in your dreams,” you will find an unending source of happiness.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

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Join the 1,000,000 Member Challenge

Do you love being married?  Do you adore your husband?  Does your life represent the exact opposite of the lifestyles portrayed in shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians, The Real Housewives of…Everywhere, Mad Men?  

If so, you should Join the Club!

You may not know this but women like you are the reason this club was founded and why we continue to grow by several hundred members daily.  We are the antithesis to what is portrayed in the media every day.  

Loving marriages do exist and we think it’s about time we saw these positive portrayals on television and in the movies.  I certainly would love to see a marriage like mine -one without a bunch of drama and a couple still head over heels in love- on the small (or big) screen.  What about you?

Your spouse and my spouse, you and me, we declare through our actions every day that true love does still exist and it doesn’t have to fade as the years go on.  Like fine wine, when tended to, it just gets better over time.  

Happily ever after isn’t a fairy tale; it’s a choice.

I must say one thing though as sometimes people confuse happiness with perceived perfection.  

Becoming a member of this club doesn’t mean you have a perfect spouse or a perfect marriage.  It simply means you’ve chosen to look beyond the imperfections in both.  After all, there is no such thing as a perfect person, so how can there be such thing as a perfect marriage?  

There is, however, such a thing as a happy marriage and a couple being in love til’ death do them part.  As a newlywed 10 years ago, I was shocked by all the negative comments we received from people “warning” us about the pitfalls of marriage.  They made life together sound like a constant battlefield.  It’s not.  At least it shouldn’t be.  And my hope is this club would represent that message to the world.

When a woman gets married for the first time, rather than hearing countless stories of all the things that can possibly go wrong in marriage, she can join us here to learn all the things that can possibly go right.  The Happy Wives Club is counter culture.  Your marriage, for that matter, is counter culture.  

But there are couples out there who need to be encouraged, who need to know in spite of what they see on television, in the magazines and online, they can create a marriage built to last a lifetime.  

Every time a new member joins this club -and we continue this journey to find at least 1,000,000 happy wives around the world- we are collectively saying to the world: All husbands don’t cheat.  All wives aren’t miserable.  And happy marriages do still exist.  Together, let’s change the way marriages are perceived in the world.  Are you in?

QUESTION: Are you a member of this club?  If so, let us know in the comment section below.  If not, join us today and post a comment below that let’s us know you’re in!

Until Monday…make it a great weekend! 

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

5 Ways to Boost Your Libido…Now

Our resident sex expert, Sheila Wray Gregoire, continues where she left off two weeks ago when she told us about the 4 Benefits of Love Making Love – For Her!  This week, she’s back and I have to admit, reading this made me blush a bit.  But then I got over it and can’t wait to turn in early tonight…

It’s 11 pm. You want to start snoring. He wants to start snuggling.

You know that sex is an important part of marriage, but you just never feel that into it. It’s not unusual; we women are very complex beings. And because, for women, sex is almost entirely in our heads (as in our heads have to be in the game or our bodies won’t follow), if we’re stressed, our bodies often sit dormant.

So what to do?

Aim for FIREWORKS

You may not have much of a libido that makes you want sex, but that doesn’t mean that sex can’t feel good. And if you decide, “tonight, I want to feel GREAT”, you’re more likely to. When your brain is engaged, your body tends to follow.

Remember that making sure it feels good for you DOESN’T mean that you have to be craving sex before you start. In fact, most women don’t. According to research, for men, desire PRECEDES making love. For women, desire comes after you start making love.

But, if, when you start kissing him, you’re thinking in your head, “tonight I’m going to feel GOOD”, then you can start that process.

The problem is that making sex great for you requires that you’re more ACTIVE–that you’re telling him what you want, and that you’re actually trying to get it. That’s hard if you’re not really “in the mood”. But think of it like exercise: you don’t really want to do it, but you’re looking forward to the reward afterwards, so you put your all into it.

IMAGINE the Benefits.

Think about the benefits of making love. You’ll sleep better. It does feel good. You’ll feel closer. Keep imagining that throughout the day–how well you’ll sleep, how good you’ll feel. Don’t imagine it just to feel sexy–you may honestly not be able to do that. But do picture the rewards.

Turn In REALLY EARLY.

The combination of low libido and exhaustion is a recipe for disaster. So head to bed when the kids do, if you have to, and make love FIRST. Then curl up and watch a movie together, or get on your iPads and check Twitter, or whatever else you may normally do.

Make sex RELAXING.

Make sex into a sensual experience, not just a sexual experience. Tell him you need a massage first to help you relax. Then, as he’s touching you, pay attention to your body. Ask yourself, “what would my body like now”?

I can’t emphasize enough how important a step this is. When we start to see sex as totally a sexual thing, and we’re not sexually aroused, it can be a chore. But when the whole evening is about spending time together, and relaxing, and feeling close, we can start to desire it even if we’re not particularly in the mood. That massage, or transition time, helps prep your body, but it also preps your mind.

LUBE up.  (no really, it’s okay)

Really. Astroglide works best. (And some women swear by coconut oil!). If you’re well lubricated, arousal is much easier. In fact, you’ll get more aroused if you start out lubricated than if you don’t. So if this is a real struggle for you, get some help.

When you set your mind to it–even if you don’t feel sexy–your body will often follow. And that positive attitude can often jump start a low libido!

Need more help seeing sex as a positive thing? Sheila’s ebook 31 Days to Great Sex takes you and your husband through a month of talking, flirting, exploring, and fun. Sheila blogs everyday at To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Marriage Mondays: We Said ‘I Do’…Again

I’ve been bursting inside wanting to share something exciting with you!  Only I couldn’t because so many of our closest friends and family read this blog and I was trying to pull off a big ole’ surprise.

In 2003, Keith and I eloped in Las Vegas in front of an Elvis impersonator-in-training (not kidding).  We’d been dating for eight months and engaged for three.  Our wedding plans were underway and we were set to be married four months later.

Shortly after celebrating his 31^st birthday, Keith turned to me and said, “Why are we waiting to get married?”  I told him I didn’t know.  “Want to go get married now?” he responded.  Oh yeah!

Within an hour, we hopped in the car, drove to Nevada and by the next day were pronounced husband and wife.  We never regretted this decision.  It was a stress-free wedding and allowed us to begin our lives without incurring debt from the “big day.” 

There was, however, one thing Keith told me he hoped would one day happen.  He wanted to see me in a wedding dress.

This past Saturday, marking our first decade of love together, Keith’s dream came true as I slipped on a wedding dress and walked down the aisle to She’s My Kind of Rain and pledged my love for him in front of our closest friends and family.  It was a beautiful day and even more fun was our guests had NO idea they were coming to a vow renewal ceremony.

Guests were invited to our very casual Annual Brunch with the Weavers (that we, oddly enough, have never hosted annually).  Everyone was casual and waiting for a fantastic meal too be served when Keith excused himself from the party and then returned ten minutes later in a tuxedo.

Mouths wide open, our guests had a feeling something huge was about to happen.  Until that point, the official story had been I was stuck in traffic which is why I wasn’t there (and that story was completely plausible as I really was stuck in awful traffic.

In his black and white tuxedo, Keith led all our guests like the pied piper to the Calabasas Creek Park, a small rose garden next door to the restaurant where we were holding our brunch, and 80 of our friends and family stood around as I entered from the back of the park and walked toward my dapper husband.

It was beautiful.  A day neither of us will ever forget.  Another wonderful memory in a marriage that has been filled with an endless string wonderful memories.

At the end of the brunch, two friends who’d flown into town gave us this vibrant sunflower, in an unconventional vase, with the following words written on a piece of paper from their hotel note pad:

This vintage tin cup represents ten years of love and commitment.  It is a metal not easily found.  It is fragile but when handled with care – will last a lifetime.

On this day, we recommitted to handling our marriage with the utmost love and care. 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Which Battles Are Worth Fighting? (Two Questions You Should Always Ask Yourself First)

“Pick your battles” is a phrase we’ve heard often in life.

Growing up a head-strong girl, my mother repeated this phrase over and over until it was drilled into me.

Although this is a great lesson that we should all try to incorporate in our daily lives just for the sake of living a more contently – it seems equally important to apply to married life.

“A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone.” -Richard Carlson

Marriage is the joining of two people – two people with different views. True, we may share some views and opinions, there’s always common ground in all relationships, but there’s also differences.

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” -Dave Meurer

If there weren’t we’d basically be married to ourselves and where’s the fun in that? But when these differences interfere with a relationship – is it always worth the fight?

Ten years of marriage has taught me a thing or two about picking my battles. My head-strong nature causes me to be down right stubborn at times. As it happens, I married a man who is just as head-strong and equally stubborn as me, so you can imagine we’ve butted heads on several occasions. It’s taken us years to realize how much of a toll these battles have taken on our marriage and how to better handle these situations.

Aside from love – compromise, patience and respect are the most essential elements to any successful marriage. It’s not easy letting go when something upsets or hurts you, but knowing when to stand your ground and when to let it go can ultimately lead to a more harmonious and content life for you and your spouse.

When it comes to picking my battles, I always ask myself these two things:

1. Is it worth the fight? Is this something I can just let go? If not, is it worth potentially altering a relationship if the wrong thing is said?

2. Is there an alternative way to voice my opinion? Just because something bothers me doesn’t mean I have to turn it into a battle. Take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. Sometimes just taking a moment to calm yourself brings light to a better way to handle the problem.

We’re not perfect and mistakes do happen.  But following Richard Carlson’s advice will allow peace to reside in the home, even when there is a disagreement at hand.

Question: When faced with a conflict between you and your spouse, how do you determine if it’s worth the battle? (New: You can now post your response directly below, as well as on our Facebook community page).

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Thank you, Paola, for this great reminder.  It’s so easy to focus on what our partner does wrong rather than what he does right.  Sometimes the battle is important, but as Richard Carlson reminds us in every one of his fabulous books, most of the time they’re not.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

5 Secrets to Maintaining Your Happiness {even when you long for more}

Have you ever longed for something that seemed as though it might never come?  Did you find it difficult to keep your inner peace and happiness during this time? 

Maintaining your happiness -even when you desire more- is not only possible, it can begin today.

When Keith and I married in 2003, not in a million years could we have predicted 10 years later we’d still be without children.  We picked out our son’s name 7 years ago.  We easily agreed on our daughter’s name, as well.  As of today, we still have neither. 

The doctors have told us our options are IUI or IVF and it’s quite possible neither will work.  But here is the important point.  In spite of this desire unattained, we are still overwhelmingly happy.

I’ve often heard the stories of women who long to have a child so badly they make everyone, especially their husbands, miserable in the waiting. 

It doesn’t have to be that way.  It shouldn’t be that way.  There is so much life has to offer in the meantime. 

Here are 5 secrets to remaining happy, even in the midst of waiting for something you desperately desire:

1. Remain in the present. I know this is so much easier said than done but this is the single most important thing you can do to create and sustain happiness in your life.  Dr. Richard Carlson (author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff) did a brilliant job laying this out in his bestselling book, You Can be Happy No Matter What.

2. Be grateful for what you have at this moment.  Keith and I have not been able to reproduce and are undergoing fertility treatments (that may or may not eventually work) but our focus is not on this aspect of our lives.  Our focus, and gratitude, is centered on everything we currently have and there is so much to be grateful for in this moment.

3. Trust that you do not currently have because you are not yet ready.  In life, we go through many seasons and each one is meant to teach us important lessons about who we are and how to best love those around us.  To believe you have not yet received because you are not ready is humbling but also a great relief.  The latter because it confirms that you have exactly what you were built to have in this very moment.

4. Look at the adversity as a building block for your marriage.  Keith and I are a united front on all issues, including this one.  Joining together as a team to combat adversity (not against each other but the two of you against the challenge) builds and strengthens your marriage.  It’s the “us against the world” mentality that causes the relationship to be closer than close.

5. Thank God for desires unfulfilled.  We do not yet know the reason we don’t have children. But what we do know is when we look back at other desires that went unfulfilled, we’re so thankful for each one.  So we have to trust we will look back at this time in our lives and be equally grateful.  Garth Brooks says it so much better than I ever could with his song, Unanswered Prayers.

 If you believe you need more than what you have to be happy, you never will.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Marriage Mondays: Boost Your Marriage in 10 Minutes or Less

Want to give your marriage an extra boost?  Looking for that special thing that will make you fall in love with your spouse over and over again? 

Like drinking a can of Monster or Red Bull for an immediate pick-me-up, in less than 10 minutes, this one simple thing will spur 5 immediate results:

1. Put a genuine smile on your face…immediately.
2. Make you fall deeper in love with your husband daily.
3. Boost your husband’s day (and life).
4. Cause you to make new discoveries in your relationship.
5. Give you a greater appreciation for your chosen partner in this life.

So what is this instant shot in the arm that will do all these things in less than 10 minutes, you ask?  Begin creating a list. 

Sounds too simple, I know.  But I’m not talking about any ole’ list.  This list is more important than your grocery, to-do, homework or Honey-do lists.  It’s the Why I Love My Husband (never-ending list).

Last year, I began writing down all the reasons I love Keith.  Shortly after beginning my list, I made two discoveries: 1) There was so much he did for me every day that would otherwise go unnoticed; and 2) Searching my heart and memory for all the reasons I adore and cherish him brought me greater joy than I could imagine.  It caused me to fall in love with him over and over, every single day of the week.

Often times, especially after being married for many years, we unwittingly take for granted many of the things our spouse does on a regularly basis.  We fail to say thank you as often as we would with a complete stranger.  What I noticed when I began compiling this list is that changed instantaneously.

Here’s how you do it.  Begin with the big items (“he’s my best friend,” “loves me exactly the way I am,” “man of integrity and great character”) and move on to the more specific (“he opened the door for me on our date tonight,” “he picked up my favorite apple at the grocery store today”).  

If you have a smart phone (I have it on my iPhone), you can open your notepad app and begin the list.  When you’re with your husband, look for the little things he does that are kind and special and make a point to write those things down (or type them into your phone notepad).  Pay special attention to every time he goes without something he wants to ensure you have what you desire in that moment.

Keeping a list will cause you to appreciate your spouse more.  And showing him your list will lift his spirits and make him feel more respected and appreciated.

I’ve watched many women improve their marriages by consistently doing this one simple thing.  It’s not because their spouse began doing anything different.  It’s because they began looking for all the things he was already doing right.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

 

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

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Unhappy Marriages Aren’t Generational…Thank Goodness!

She was a beautiful Aryan German woman living through the horrid days of Hitler’s reign.

He was a handsome African-American serviceman stationed in Germany during WWII.

After a two-year courtship and a child born in Germany, they married and moved to the US.

He loved her.  She loved him.  He cheated on her.  She never forgave him.  Bitterness filled their home all the days of their union.

As my grandmother reminded me not long before she passed, my grandfather had a wondering eye.  Well, the exact term she used was cheater.   

His idea of father-son time usually involved pornographic movies and magazines.

His idea of father-daughter time was doting on her so much it made her mother insanely jealous.

The upbringing of the children was filled with strife.  The divorce should have made it better but it didn’t.  At least not until many decades later when they became best friends again.

When we laid my grandmother’s body to rest earlier this month, I thought about this marital legacy she’d left to her children.  It was not one of happiness.  It wasn’t even one of unconditional love. 

And yet, I looked over at my mother who was in love with my father until death separated them last September.  They adored each other for nearly 40 years and nothing could get between them.

My uncle, who sat in front of me at the funeral, glanced at his bride of more than 40 years with great affection.  They have one of the most beautiful marriages I’ve ever seen.  What I was reminded of on this day was both my mother and her brother made a choice.  They chose to create the marriages they most desired.

They made the choice to forsake the generations of unhappy marriages that came before them and decided to chart their own path.

Just as unhappy marriages aren’t generational, neither are happy ones.  Even though we lived in a home with two parents who were in love with each other our entire lives, both of my older sisters are on their second marriages.  The first ones didn’t turn out so great.

Wiping the slate clean might take marital counseling.  It could very well take personal counseling.  But for those with an unhappy marriage, one of the worst things to do is place the blame on anyone else.  Begin with acknowledging it as a choice.  Those who do that can begin to chart a new course, a happier one – even as soon as today.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

 

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

3 Tips to Maintaining Your Happiness No Matter What

A few Sundays ago, Keith came down with a wicked cough. The hacking preceded a stuffy nose followed by the voice beginning to crack.

I did my best to convince him to stay home at the offset of his symptoms so we could get ahead of what seemed to be an aggressive little bug. Every attempt at convincing him proved futile.

The first day, he went into the office and filled his poor little body with cold medicine and caffeine so he could stay awake. At the end of the day, he came home and crashed.

The next morning, my lobbying to persuade him to stay home again proved unmatched for his determination to fight this incoming illness mano y mano.

The first two days he went into the office would have been perfect days for him to stay home and allow me to take care of him as they were slower than usual days for me on the work front. But Wednesday would be a completely different story. That day’s schedule was jam packed.

I bet you can guess what happened next. You betcha!

Wednesday morning rolled around and as I was preparing for my busy work day to begin, I noticed Keith crawling back into bed and pulling the covers over his shoulders. Yep, you guessed it again…my day was about to be interrupted.

My first thought: “Nooooooooo….”

My second thought: “It’s so rare my hubby allows me to fully take care of him. He’s such a self-sufficient human being and at this moment I knew if he could do it on his own, he would have, so I kissed his forehead and assured him I’d cancel everything in my day to tend to his needs.

Was it an inconvenience? Yes. Did it quickly become my pleasure? Absolutely.

Here are the 3 quick tips I use to maintain my happiness when the craziness of life begins to threaten it:

1. Find something in that moment to be grateful for…immediately. In this instance, it was that my husband was alive and well and needed me to help him get better. I could have gotten frustrated that I’d tried to help earlier in the week, and had he listened to me, my day would not have been so inconvenienced. But really, how would that have helped?

2. Seek out the beauty in the situation. Every situation in life is meant to make us better as human beings. Life is but a series of tests and how we respond to those tests determines whether we pass and move on or are faced with the same challenge at a later date. Look for the lesson in every interruption. My lesson in this momentary interruption was patience.

3. Find a way to become a beacon of light. The world can be a dark and cold place to live. So many are looking for answers, even those around us. When we take the focus off ourselves and shift them onto helping another, in that instant our heart and life will radiate. Shifting my focus from the work I desperately needed to get done to taking care of someone in greater need allowed me to be a blessing to another individual. And in this case, that person just happened to be my favorite person in the world.

Question: How do you keep life’s interruptions from adversely impacting your happiness? (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click through the Comments button below)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

 

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Marriage Mondays: 3 Easy Steps to Achieving Your Dreams {& His}

Mega bestselling author and HWC contributor, Tricia Goyer, is our guest writer for today’s Marriage Mondays.  Enjoy! 

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I knew John was “the one” during our first date when he briefly glanced over from the steering wheel and asked one simple question, “So tell me about your dreams; what do you want to do with your life?”

The truth was, no man had ever asked me that before and I could tell it really mattered to this guy.

I told him how I wanted to finish college and become a school teacher.  My path in life took me in a different direction but because of John continuing to ask this question, and his unwavering belief in me…my life has always been an extraordinary adventure.  He helped me achieve dreams much greater than the ones I initially envisioned for myself.  

I’ve done more in our twenty-three years of marriage than I ever thought possible.

And the same is true for him.  I’m John’s biggest cheerleader and closest confidant. I can tell when he’s really thinking about something and weighing it out.  And I’m there to help because I know my words have power.

When John first voices an idea, I know any negativity on my part will fill him with worries and doubts.  But when I tell him I want to know more, and I urge him to figure out how we can make his dreams possible, it’s like adding fuel to his engine.  Dreaming with him is the spark that then sets everything ablaze.

Where has dreaming gotten us?

I’ve written 35 books (quick plug: my newest one is on sale this week for $1.99 only on Amazon **wink**), and he’s found the job of his dreams where he can use his technical skills to help marriages and families around the world.

We’ve led teams of volunteers to Europe for outreach trips—not once but three times.

We’ve made cross country moves twice, and we’ve vacationed from Alaska to Florida and from Maine to Los Angeles.

We’ve adopted three little children around the same time our older ones were leaving the nest.

I’ve helped in in his kids’ outreach, and he’s supported me as I’ve mentored teenage mothers.

It’s safe to say that together we’ve touched numerous lives, and through that we’ve grown and changed … together.

Dreaming with your spouse isn’t hard. In fact, it just takes three things:

1. Lend a listening ear. Be open to your spouse, talking about new ideas.
2. Have an accepting heart. Don’t immediately jump to all the problems with your spouses’ idea, consider the possibilities first.
3. Step outside of your comfort zone. I’m willing to sacrifice my needs, give up my time, and sometimes even act like a fool with a silly hat and a puppet on my hand to support John’s dreams. But you know what? I discover more about myself in the process. I also benefit from living with a man who feels fulfilled and excited about life—which is pure joy!

Building a successful life together takes not only dreaming but supporting one another to make it happen.  Two working together can achieve more, climb higher, advance farther and in half the time.  Want to reach your dreams?  Support your husband’s.  And guess what, he will trip over himself to do the same for you.

So what about you? Does your spouse have a dream you’ve been discouraging? Next time, shut up, listen up, open up, and step out. Your man can do amazing things with you by his side!  And he’s not the only one benefiting from him achieving his dreams.  Guaranteed!

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

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The 4 Benefits of Making Love–For Her!

Resident sex expert, Sheila Wray Gregoire has written today’s guest post.  Definitely share your comments below and tell us what you think.  Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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You crawl into bed. Your husband is lying beside you, facing away. Is he asleep? Is he waiting for me to make a move? How long has it been anyway? I guess I really should.

Hardly sexy, is it? In fact, obligation sex is distinctly unsexy. So maybe some women need a new way of looking at it.

Sex isn’t just for him; sex is something that benefits you, too! Here’s why:

1. You Feel More Intimate

Often the reason that we don’t want to make love is because we feel distant.

But do the close feelings come before sex, or does sex bring the close feelings? Most of us feel closer after we make love. And sex is designed to bring us together! We release hormones during sex that help us to “bond”. So if you’re feeling distant, maybe the solution is to make love, rather than to wait to feel closer first.

2. You Sleep Better

If you’ve been avoiding sex because you’re exhausted, maybe you’ve been making the problem worse. Sex often works better than sleeping pills to help you drift off, and it helps you to sleep deeper.

Some nights when I know it’s been a while, and I know we should really make love, I say no because I’m so tired. Those are usually the nights I toss and turn and can’t sleep. Now when I’m really exhausted, I say to my husband, “Put me to sleep, baby.” Works every time!

3. You Feel Like Your Marriage is Stronger

Sex helps you to feel like your relationship is secure. When you make love, you cement it together again. Sex makes you feel protected. It makes you feel loved. It makes you feel like you have a future together.

On the days after you make love, you  smile slyly at each other because you have this secret. You can giggle with each other more. You touch each other more. I’ve heard it said, “sex isn’t the icing on the cake; it’s the oil that keeps the engine going.” When we don’t make love, our relationship can get clogged up. Isn’t it better to have it humming along?

4. Your Toes Curl

Let’s not forget the final part: sex feels wonderful! Now, maybe for you it doesn’t yet. That’s okay. As I found in the surveys for The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, it can take a decade or so of marriage for sex to work like clockwork. So if you’re not there yet, don’t despair. Just turn it into the most fun research project you can do with your husband.

If you’re feeling exhausted, and feeling distant from your husband, and feeling tense, then instead of saying, “do I have to?“, why not say instead, “Let’s do it!”

Sheila teaches how to have a marriage that rocks at To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

5 Special Gifts for National Husband’s Day

On January 22, 2014, we sponsored an unofficial new holiday: National Husband’s Day. A special day set aside for the nearly 1 million women in the Happy Wives Club community to celebrate our husbands.

Initially, my hope was we’d be able to get a government official to proclaim the day on our behalf. Our team began working on that and quickly realized the many complications of getting a date named as a holiday officially. But who needs official?

National Peanut Butter Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays. No government official has yet to recognize that officially but that doesn’t stop me from indulging in a few more spoonfuls of that tasty stuff just at the mention of its national holiday.

So let’s celebrate our special day together!

To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.

1. Print this certificate. If you didn’t get a chance to print this off last year, you may still want to print it now to let your husband know you’re a proud member of this club and because of his love, you’ve sponsored this day honoring him. This is the original sponsorship certificate so it includes the original 2014 date. Here is one dated for 2015.

2. Customize this proclamation. If you printed the above certificate last year as one of the original sponsors of National Husband’s Day (or even if you didn’t), we’ve created a customizable proclamation for you to give your husband this year. Customize it. Print it out (legal size paper). Frame it. Then deliver to him a gift sure to make him proud. (If your computer doesn’t allow you to customize the PDF, print this one to handwrite his name and your name instead).

3. Print a customized Book of Love. This fantastic DIY coupon book from The Dating Divas is something sure to knock your husband’s socks off. Surprise him with this creative book that gives him all the things he wants most…one coupon at a time.

4. Write the perfect love letter. Have you ever written your husband a love letter? Not just a few words at the bottom of a card but actually write the card yourself? If not, today’s a pretty fantastic day to sharpen your writing skills. To make it easy, here are 7 ways to write the perfect love letter.

5. Spoil your spouse date night. There’s no better night than tonight to spoil your spouse. This date night is all about doing what your husband loves to do. No marital compromise here –this is his night!

Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.