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25 Free & Frugal Ways To Celebrate Your Anniversary

Earlier today, I received a note from Annalee, a military wife, wanting to know if we had any special ideas for military couples.  You betcha!  

Happy Wives Club contributor, Carlie Kercheval, is with us today sharing some of her best tips.  But these ideas aren’t just for military couples, they are for all of us.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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As a military family, my husband and I have spent many wedding anniversaries apart.  

But even when we weren’t with each other in person, we did our best to celebrate our wedding anniversary in creative ways to show one another how much we care.  

Celebrating doesn’t just show the world that love and marriage still go hand in hand, it nourishes the love within you. 

A few weeks ago, we celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary.  Just one week after moving from Germany back to the United States, and fumbling our way through getting the family settled, we once again put our ingenuity to the test to make that day special.

Here are some of the things we’ve done over the years to commemorate the day we said I do.  Try one, or two, or three – you’ll be glad you did!

25 Free & Frugal Ways to Celebrate Your Anniversary:

1. Write a love letter to your spouse. Spray it with your perfume or kiss it with your favorite lipstick. Here is an anniversary letter I published on my blog last year when my husband was serving in Afghanistan.
2. Blow up a balloon for each year of your marriage and put a piece of paper in each one with something nice about your spouse. My husband enjoys popping the balloons and reading what I have to say on each one.
3. Go out to breakfast instead of dinner. It is much lighter on the wallet and is a great way to start off your day.
4. Dress up and dance all night in your living room or bedroom.
5. Enjoy a quiet game night at home preparing your favorite snacks and beverages. If you feel like it, invite some friends to join in earlier in the evening, reserving the late evening for the two of you.
6. Make a special dinner with choice ingredients at home. Spice it up with candles and your favorite music playing softly in the background.
7. Go out to dessert instead of dinner. This is a great way to have time alone while going easy on the budget.
8. Bake an anniversary cake together. My husband and I bake together every chance we get and we use this time to test out our newest recipe ideas.
9. Record a video using your webcam or cell phone telling your spouse what you appreciate about them. My husband and I have done this several times during deployments and it is such a wonderful memento to keep!
10. Order takeout from a local restaurant and eat under the stars.
11. Go to a local wine tasting during the day.
12. Ride bikes at a favorite recreation spot. Our personal favorite is along the coastline near the ocean.
13. Make ice cream sundaes at home.
14. Take pictures of one another and make some fun collages for free at a site like Picmonkey.
15. Take a shower together. This is something that in the business of life many may not do. Not only is it fun, it is free.
16. Eat a picnic lunch at your favorite spot. We have done this at the beach, on a mountain, at a park, and even in the desert.
17. Learn how to say I love you and happy anniversary in several different languages. Once you learn this, show it off on your anniversary.
18. Play your favorite sport together. Don’t have a favorite, then learn a sport together – even better! 
19. Paint or draw pictures of one another. Hey, you might not be an artist, but let me tell you, it will be a time of laughter and fun – that’s for sure!
20. Have a fun night of intimate games planned. Get a new special “outfit” for the occasion and enjoy one another.
21. Go bowling.
22. Go on a hike.
23. Go on a boat ride. If the food is expensive, just bring some of your own to share on the ride.
24. Read aloud a book to one another.
25. Have a dream night. Hubby and I have done this on several anniversaries. We just dream big together setting long and short term goals. We are both big dreamers so this is a wonderful thing for us to do.

This is your special day.  Whatever you do, don’t allow financial challenges to get in the way of celebrating the wonderful union you share.  Set aside the time and get creative!

QUESTION: What are some of your favorite ways to save money while celebrating your anniversary?

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Marriage Mondays: Awesome Activity You Can Do With Your Husband & Friends {& Link-Up}

Keith and I had an absolute blast last night with some of our closest friends; all married couples.  So much fun I wouldn’t even dream of keeping it to myself.

While traveling the world last summer, and interviewing couples happily married 25-years or more, I came across this very cool activity.

A couple in Perth, Australia got together with their closest married friends -nine couples in all- every other month to travel the world…without ever leaving home.

Allow me to explain.

This group of friends created passports for each person, including customized country passport stamps, and every other month they’d visit a new country by way of food and decor.

A different couple hosts the event each time, finding the perfect restaurant (or turning their home into one), and then the group all travels to the chosen location together.

The hosts are charged with knowing all about the country they’ve chosen and throughout the evening they share different things about the culture, food, people, etcetera.  It’s a beautiful way to get to know the entire world (while spending time with your friends) at a fraction of the cost.

After I returned from my travels, Keith and I invited nine of our favorite couples to join us in creating our very own World on a Plate (WOAP).

The funny (yet oh-so-sad) thing is we were the first hosts and chose our favorite ethnic restaurant.  The problem was -and we didn’t realize this until it was time to create the country passport stamp- we chose a restaurant that served Pan-Asian food.  

Hmmmm…you mean there’s no country called Pan-Asia? How’d that happen?

We had a wonderful time but that definitely wasn’t the way we wanted to start off the American version of WOAP. This time around, my sister and her Dominican-born husband hosted us -eight couples in total- at a real country: the Dominican Republic.  It was some of the most fun we have ever had with our wonderful group of friends.

When we arrived, they had the Dominican Republic flag waving outside and when we entered their home, we were all greeted by a colorful sign that read, “Kings WOAP Dominican Republic Night” and leis in the colors of the Dominican flag.  Each of us put on our leis as we entered the home.

The decor was colorful and festive.  Dominican music filled the air as drinks and a 4-course dinner that began with albondigas (meatballs) and hit a high note with sudado de pollo (sweaty chicken) and carne de res guisada (braised beef with rice and beans) filled our stomachs.

We ate and ate until our tummies could not possibly take in one more thing.  Carlos, my sister’s husband, told stories of growing up in the Dominican Republic and gave us a look into his country (he doesn’t like desserts or candy because as a kid he’d climb up trees and hack off a piece of fruit if he wanted something sweet).

It was a fabulous night and a wonderful way to encourage happiness in marriage.  When you get together with a group of married friends, and the only thing you focus on is all that’s beautiful in life, nights like this carry on with us long after the evening has come to an end.

Give World on a Plate a try with your own group of married friends. I promise it’ll be well worth the effort.

QUESTION: Do you and your married friends have any special activities you enjoy doing together?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

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Transform Your Sex Life in One Easy Step (yes, even you!)

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know I rarely write about sex. Unlike our fabulous sex expert, Sheila Wray Gregoire, I generally stay away from this particular topic.  

Sheila loves giving advice on topics like increasing your libido and the benefits of making love for women.  So I’m more than happy to defer to her expertise.  

And although I’m by no means an expert (I just happen to really enjoy making love to my husband), I am happy to share with you the one thing that personally helped transform my sex life.

Something so simple you may not even realize the profound impact it can have on your sex life.

I got in shape.

I know…sounds too simple.  It may even sound like something more beneficial to my husband than it is for me.  But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

My hubby loves my body in all its shapes and sizes.  He reminds me of a quote I recently read from Trisha Yearwood regarding her husband, Garth Brooks’, reaction to her major weight loss:  

“He said, (I’m paraphrasing here) ‘It’s my favorite size on you.  And the only size I like just as much is whatever size you just were.’”

That’s my husband.  He’ll never mention to me that I’m picking up weight (not even the time I was so busy at work I had the chef bake me chocolate chip cookies throughout the day and every time I’d pass through the kitchen I’d grab a few) nor suggest I lose any.

But I’ll let you in on a personal secret.  Whether he notices or not, when I’m out of shape, I am fully aware that some of the noises my body makes while having sex are most certainly not of the erotic kind. And they are distracting, if not to him, most certainly to me.

I never expected for one of the greatest benefits of me getting in shape to be added confidence in the bedroom.  Maybe it’s the cerebral part of my brain but if my mind drifts while we’re making love (even for a second to think about my muffin top or jiggly backside), it’s hard to reel it back in.

As women, one of the most challenging things to do at the start of making love is to remain in the moment; not allowing our minds to wander to items left undone, our to-do lists, or what the kids might be doing.  This particular challenge, I may not be able to help you with; that’s a matter of training your mind to fully enjoy the present. But I can at least help you with the part that involves your body.

The next time you’re making love, if a thought about your size or tone causes your mind to wander a bit, this one I can help you with.  Try what worked for me to quickly amp up your sex life.  And for great tips on toning any problem areas, try this super simple advice from a fellow happy wife, Olympian, and mother of two.  

If getting toned isn’t an issue for you, but you’re looking for something to kick your sex life up a few notches, I highly recommend Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman.

Years ago, I read Dr. Leman’s book in hopes of finding suggestions for a friend struggling in this area but instead found myself ripping Keith’s clothes off by the end of the book. Now, whenever a friend confides in me their struggles in the bedroom, within days they receive a gift in the mail from me…this book.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Marriage Mondays: The One Thing All Happy Wives Have in Common

On Friday, I wrote about ten things your husband does that just don’t matter.  A comment posted by Kim Hall later summed it up perfectly.  She said:

“[You have to] put things in proper perspective.  I think a great question to ask ourselves is this: If I lost my husband today, would I be grateful he was gone because now the toilet seat would always be down, paper rolling the right way, clothes no longer on the floor, etc.? That question really zooms those little things back into their proper perspective for me!”

What I loved about Kim’s comment is it cuts right to the heart of a particular matter.  It reminds us of something Richard Carlson, PhD spent his brief lifetime telling us, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff.

So, how is your marital perspective?

The Happy Wives Club is a community of close to 150,000 women in more than 100 countries around the world, and my conversations with thousands -literally, thousands- of them, has taught me one simple truth. Those who are genuinely happy all have this in common: Perspective.

When Keith boarded a flight early Friday morning, there was little I cared about more than his safe return. No quirk, idiosyncrasy, flaw or fault of his could mean more to me than him coming home safely.

And when he is home, I feel the same way. No flaw, quirk or difference will ever override my love, respect and adoration for this man I am honored to call my husband.

There is a great quote by Maya Angelou, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”  I learned long ago that nothing good comes from complaining.  Nothing productive whatsoever.  

Good, however, always comes out of keeping everything in the proper perspective.  It frees us to go after exactly what we desire most, to create our happily ever after through gratitude, and to not waste time on anything that will not matter in the end.  It allows us to solve problems with our spouse rather than against them.

This, I am certain, my fellow happy wives and I have in common.  And that is one of the many reasons I am so honored to be a member of this club.

QUESTION: How important do you think perspective is in the lives of those who are genuinely happy?  (would love to hear from you in the comment section below)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I’m an ‘Over’ Girl {10 Things Your Husband Does That Don’t Matter}

There is a quote I love by J & G Murphy, “Make a list of ten of your spouse’s faults, which, for the sake of your marriage, you will always overlook. You can live with those ten.”

Can you think of your ten?

I thought about that quote while watching Oprah high-five someone during an interview proudly declaring, “I’m an ‘over’ girl!  I’m an ‘over’ girl!”  

She was talking to her guest and somehow (I don’t quite remember how) the conversation turned to toilet paper and how some people like to position the roll so the paper is grabbed from the top and some like to pull it from the bottom.

Growing up, my mother was quite particular about this and she was definitely an over girl.  Let’s just say I was a tad rebellious in my youth (surprise, surprise), hence, I’ve always been an under girl.  And I bet you can guess which way Keith prefers.  Yep, he’s an over guy.

For years, he’d position the toilet paper on the holder so the paper would push from the top and when it was my turn to change it, I’d position it so it pulled from the bottom.  

I wouldn’t even think about it.  Years of living by myself and doing things my way taught me that the toilet paper should be pulled from under.  His years of living alone assured him the exact opposite.

But here’s the point.  It’s all a bunch of nonsense!

Who cares which way the toilet paper is positioned?  For that matter, who cares if your spouse drinks directly from the carton of milk or leaves a box of cereal with such a small amount contained any “sensible” person would have thrown it away rather than returning it to the cupboard from which it came?

When building a relationship that will last a lifetime, one of the silliest things we can do is get caught up in the small things that will not matter in the end.  So pick ten things, heck, pick twenty things your husband does that are different from the way you think they should be done, and just live with those. 

Today, I’m an over girl.  After more than three decades of insisting toilet paper made more sense to be pulled from the bottom than the top, I intentionally looked at it from my husband’s point of view and realized I may have been wrong.  It actually makes quite a bit of sense to go from the top.  Then again, it makes just as much sense to go from the bottom.  But more important than both of those perspectives…it just doesn’t matter.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

The #1 Way You Can Help Your Husband After a Tough Day

There is no denying our hubbies often have tough days at work.  And these days, more so than ever before, their days are getting longer and more stressful.  

But we can help.

Even for those of us who work outside of the home, and have our own work-related challenges, our days tend to be less stressful.

One reason is we know if we ever lost our job (or decided to make a career change), our husbands would move heaven and earth to make sure our families remained fed, clothed with roofs over our heads.  

We are nurturers by nature.  They are protectors.  It is those varying traits that allow us to best support one another.

As a protector, one of the most wonderful things my husband does for me is keep the world at bay; he will only allow me to carry so much weight on my shoulders at one time.

As a nurturer, one of the most loving things I do for him is to make sure he feels at rest and peace in our home.

So what is the #1 way you can help your husband get over a difficult day on the job?

Shhhhh…

No, I’m not insinuating the answer to that question is a secret.  That is the answer.  

As women, most of us tend to be far more talkative than our male counterparts. It’s our nature.  But oftentimes, the most loving thing we can do when our husbands have a difficult day is say nothing and just offer our arms as a place of refuge.

I must admit, I’m still working on consistency in this area.  A couple months before Keith and I were married in 2003, we visited a friend in San Antonio.  While in the car she asked Keith a question I’ll never forget, “I just counted 6 times Fawn gave you unsolicited advice.  Does that bother you?”  Ouch.

The humility in his answer is one of the many reasons I love him to pieces, “No, I actually love it when she gives me advice.  Unsolicited or not, I value her opinion.”

While I was grateful for his support in that moment, and thankful he didn’t seem to mind this subconscious action on my part, I also recognized this could potentially cause conflict years down the road.  From that point forward, I made a concerted effort not to give him unsolicited advice.  

The beauty is, because he respects my opinion, he asks for it often. There is no person he trusts more than me and no opinion he esteems greater than mine.  But here’s the key. When I know my hubby has had a tough day, I wait for him to ask.  

After a tough day on the job, what your husband often needs most is your warm embrace and silent understanding.  You can ask him for more details about his day later, but for now, don’t be afraid of a little silence.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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5 Reasons You Should Have a Marriage Mentor

Mark Twain once said, “No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” 

Although my love feels pretty doggone close to perfect, I have to agree with Twain.  

Once you’ve been married that long, you know how you will respond to nearly every challenge life throws your way.  You’ve been tested and come through the fire like pure gold.

This is why when I was recently asked by a newlywed for advice, I offered this: Only listen to marital advice from couples whose marriages you’d like to emulate.  

I told her, just as she would never consider taking financial advice from a person in the middle of their second bankruptcy, she should reject advice from those in the midst of a miserable marriage.

In one ear…out the other.

This is not to say there isn’t great wisdom gained through failure. But that should always be put in perspective and held in lesser regard than wisdom gained through proven success.

What I have discovered over the years is couples successful in marriage, are oftentimes those who’ve modeled their relationship after thriving ones.  They disregard the negative comments and choose to believe they can create their own happiness.  

Those who surround themselves with couples who never tear down their spouse, only build up their marriage, and challenge the notion that happily ever isn’t possible, end up with a relationship filled with genuine happiness.

A marriage mentor need not be one married for ages.  There is one couple Keith and I love to be around who are the same age as us.  The difference is they’ve been together since college; roughly twice as long as we have.  What is most important is their relationship is tried and true and thus we’ve gained a much higher marriage IQ from being around them.

So here are the 5 reasons we’ve surrounded ourselves with marriage mentors and why you should too:

1. They help keep you on track.  Just being in their presence will remind you how wonderful life can be when you have a loving partner by our side.

2. They will not allow you to sweat the small stuff.  Try complaining about your spouse to a long-standing couple who are genuinely happy.  They will put a mirror in your face so fast.  Speaking of which…

3. They will put a mirror in your face.  Rarely, is a spouse always at fault.  It takes two to tango, baby.

4. They provide a positive perspective in a world headed in the opposite direction.  Let’s face it, marriage has been getting a bad rap these days.  ”Happily married” has become an oxymoron.  Marriage mentors help you see your relationship through the prism of time and love.

5. They are living proof that real love can and should last a lifetime.  This constant reminder will help you ward off any negative thoughts and encourage you to keep fighting for the relationship you most desire.  It will help you to design your happily ever after.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

6 Great Reasons You Should Go Into Business With Your Spouse

I often here people say, “I could never work with my spouse.”  Those who say this don’t realize two things: 1) Some of the most successful people in the world are “duos”; and 2) Working together could be the most rewarding decision of your life.

When I refer to working together, know that I’m not suggesting you both quit your jobs and start your own company (although many couples, like the founders of mega successful companies  Eventbrite, Clif Bar, A to Z wines, Kate Spade New York, Fiji Water and Teleflora have done this and had wild success).  

But I am encouraging you to go after your dreams together.

Do either of you have a great business idea?  Is there something you or your husband have been talking about for years but just can’t seem to begin working on it?  

When I left the hotel industry a few years ago to launch a start-up technology company, never in a million years could I have imagined all the twists and turns I’d experience along the way (the rapid growth of this club and a trip around the world to interview couples for an upcoming book, being two of them).  

In our early years together, we decided it would never be a good idea for us to work together.  In part, because we’re both so strong-willed.  Separation of work and personal, we concluded, would be best.

I wish I knew then what I know now.

Although my husband works in a completely different industry and loves what he does, he is my partner in every since of the word.  I might own the company but he is my top adviser.  He may not be a CEO in the traditional since but he is certainly my chief encouragement officer.  

Early in the morning, before he even has time to sip his cup of coffee, he is oft times fielding business-related questions from me.  Rarely do my meetings or calls for the day begin without our early morning “board meeting.”

If you’ve ever considered starting your own business but disregarded your spouse as your partner because it might “cause conflict,” here are four great reasons (in addition to the two above) you should reconsider that decision:

1. No one, other than you, will have more of a vested interest in your company than your spouse.  Your success is oftentimes even more important and gratifying to them than it would be if they’d achieved it on their own.

2. You don’t have to both quit your jobs in order to launch out on your own.  My husband may never leave his current company.  They treat him well and he’s brilliant at what he does.  But that doesn’t keep him from having my back fully in this business venture and that gives me the confidence and boost I need to go out and conquer another small piece of the world each and every day.

3. You’re like a big, giant idea factory.  You can spend hours upon hours each week bouncing ideas off one another.  Laying in bed, if an idea pops in your head, you don’t have to flesh it out or put together a Powerpoint presentation.  You can just blurt it out and get instant feedback from the person you (hopefully) respect the most.

4. You can pool your resources.  When you are working together as a unit, you can save money toward the same goal, you’ll trade off housekeeping and child-rearing responsibilities, and work as a team to build your company without sacrificing the more important things in life.

Bring your spouse in to partner with you on your greatest ideas.  Maybe that means they’re just a sounding board or maybe they actually roll up their sleeves and get to work building the business alongside you.  Partnerships come in many shapes and forms, but by far, my favorite partnerships are all those that involve my husband.

QUESTION: Do you have an idea you’d love to bring to the market?  Does your spouse offer a certain skill set that could be helpful in getting taking your idea to the next level?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Marriage Mondays: Top 10 Tips to Have Date Night on the Cheap {& Link Up}

Did you know we have a Date Nights section on the new Happy Wives Club site?  We sure do and you can find great articles like this one from HWC contributor, Paula Rollo.

Enjoy and today is Marriage Mondays so don’t forget to scroll down and link up! 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Finances can often be a huge hindrance for couples wanting to have a consistent date night. The desire may be there, but that doesn’t mean it is always do-able financially!

I don’t work outside of the home and we have 2 young kids, so my husband and I have definitely learned to get creative when it comes to making date night work for us.

Here are my top 10 tips to have date night on the cheap:

1. Share an entree.  This isn’t only a great way to get a meal for less, it’ll help you watch your figure.
2. Skip the pricey beverages and order water.  This will also help you reach that often elusive goal of drinking 8 glasses each day.
3. Dress up like you are going to a 5-star restaurant, but eat at a local deli instead.  A night on the town doesn’t need to come with an $100 tab at the end of the night.
4. Stay home and play board games.  Put the kids down early and let them know mommy and daddy are having a special night.  Incentivize them to stay in their room if need be.
5. Go on a romantic nature walk.  If you live in the city, this may be a bit tricky.  But there are generally beautiful walking paths (most off the beaten path) almost anywhere you go.
6. Add date night into your monthly budget. Some couples create a “date night” savings account they add to (and usually drain) monthly.  Some put it in a jar or envelope.  The important thing is to set money aside for this express purpose.
7. Save a few dollars each week until you have enough for a fancy dinner date. If “fancy” is important to you, save toward it.  But don’t wait until you’ve saved enough money before enjoying a date night (see tip #3).
8. Swap free babysitting and date night weekends with another couple.  You never know how easy this can be until you try.
9. Have dinner out but rent a movie instead of going to a theater.  With theater prices going through the roof, it may be time to stay under your own roof.
10. Go to a movie earlier in the day to get cheaper tickets.  Can everyone say “matinee”?!  If there is a movie you just “must see” while in the theaters, enjoy it for a little less.

QUESTION: What inexpensive date night tips do you have?  Share them in the comments section.

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Plan the (Im)Perfect Romantic Weekend!

We are so fortunate to have 30 fabulous contributors who give awesome tips on just about everything related to marriage.

This post is from the fabulous Maggie Reyes and can also be found in our TRAVEL section.  Make sure to check it out for other great tips on traveling with your hubby.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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For our 6^th wedding anniversary we planned a mini-getaway driving from Miami to Boca Raton, Florida for a little Anniversary Romance. Here is how we did it:

We both have big projects going on at work and didn’t want to take a whole week off. We decided to do a short weekend away to make it easy to celebrate without embarking on a complicated trip.

Checking in isn’t just for airlines! Check in with each other – especially when planning a trip. What’s going on outside of home? Is there a big work project on his mind? Do you have a deadline coming up. Trips are no fun if you are worried about other stuff.

We looked at several luxury hotels and then looked for specials – we knew we wanted to feel pampered and special and could spend a little more since we were only booking for one night. We found a great deal at the Boca Resort – late checkout, 15% off spa services, breakfast buffet all included in the room price.

Breakfast for two could easily have been $70.00. Having it included in the room rate is a huge deal and well worth the extra minutes on checking the hotel website to see what is available. *Always* check the actual hotel website for last minute deals and weekend packages.

As we were planning this particular weekend the new Star Trek movie was just coming out. On our way to Boca there was a huge Imax 3D Theater which was the perfect place for these two Sci-Fi Sweethearts to start the day.

Look around – what is close by that could add fun or adventure to your trip? Don’t we all just miss what is in our own backyard sometimes?

Do not over-schedule. I repeat – do not over-schedule. I can spot an over-scheduler a mile away because I totally used to be one! Eat breakfast at 9am, Massages at 11, lunch at 1pm, Tour at 2:30….whenever you get tired just *reading* the plan for the day – it is a huge red flag, You have over-scheduled and if you are going to have a good time, you are going to have to stop that. On Saturday the only scheduled item was the movie, on Sunday a couples massage everything else we did organically and followed our moods and inspirations. Twice we went on walks through the grounds of the hotel – they were not only visually beautiful, but sweet moments of just us, talking and sharing and smiling and laughing. Personally, those are my favorite kind!

Vacations, even mini-ones should include a feeling of calm – whenever you are feeling rushed, stop, delete something from the plan, schedule free time, and let the place where you are and the moment you are experiencing surprise you.

Pack lingerie or something equally scandalous that will surprise your husband. It’s a romantic weekend which means we up the romance quotient in whatever way is romantic *to you* and *to him.* It could be surprising him with his favorite candy bar or in my case, with a little science fiction movie magic but regardless, pack lingerie – especially if you don’t usually wear it at home.

Romance is whatever we make it. For some it’s waking up late, for others it is starting early. Whatever romance means to you, think about how to include it. Then prepare, pack, and surprise.

What is your favorite memory from a weekend getaway?  Please share in the comments.

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3 Things to Make Your Marriage Thrive {Unpacking the Essentials}

We are truly fortunate to have some of the best marriage writers on the web as a part of the contributing team at Happy Wives Club.

Here is one of our favorites, Lori Ferguson!

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Some families move from one house to another every few years – others spend decades in a home before they move. Regardless how often you move, once you get to your destination there are essentials needed to settle into your new space.

What goes into your moving “essentials box”?

That first box to be unpacked – the one that travels with you in the car – will hold some items to set you up until the rest of your stuff arrives.  Included are soap, toilet paper, light-bulbs, a shower curtain, and your important documents.  (There are more and if you’re really moving I’d recommend looking at the list here.)

Translating it into marriage.

Just like our homes, over the years our marriages collect a lot of “stuff”.  It’s good stuff – like memories, and routines, and likes/dislikes and traditions. (There’s also junk that needs to be purged – that’s another post!) But if you were to strip away everything superfluous, what would go into your first-to-unpack marriage box?

What is essential for that first bit of comfort?

What’s imperative to make your marriage great – the necessary items to thrive together in a new environment?

Values -Just like your important documents – passports, birth-certificates, and insurance papers – which detail and protect your identity, your values define your identity as a couple. What do you put first? What comes second? Regardless of the situation, your shared values are a compass for your actions. Shared values protect your identity as a couple.

New Ideas - We all come up against issues and situations that leave us in the dark. A room without a working source of light is a useless space. Just like a new light bulb, being filled with ideas, or the ability to search for ideas to solve a problem, creates a workable space. Where do you go for new ideas – solutions?  Light, like new ideas, makes an unfamiliar space comfortable and seeing options makes new situations feel do-able. New Ideas illuminate your way as a couple.

Forgiveness – Making mistakes is part of being human and we regularly disappoint the one we love. Marriage is messy. Getting rid of the dirt is what’s imperative and that’s what forgiveness does. Expressing regret and receiving forgiveness cleans up your relationship. It’s a simple process… but not always easy. Just like the shower curtain keeps the cleaning process contained, and the soap dislodges the dirt, forgiveness is a process. And sometimes it’s necessary to use an entire roll of toilet paper for the other unmentionables life holds. Forgiveness – both being able and willing to express wrong doing, and then forgive – keeps a marriage clean.

Making it work – together.

Like the changes before, during and after a move – where you unpack, and shift things to new spots to work better for you – so a marriage changes from one season to another. Setting up your marriage, having kids, growing kids, leaving kids, illnesses, losses, promotions – they are all different seasons in a marriage. You and your husband remain. Together. As long as you have your “essentials” box, the other stuff can come and go. 

What other “essentials” would you add to your must-have marriage box?

Or what have you left behind when you and your husband have moved from one season to another?

Leave a comment…  Let’s make our own list!

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Marriage Mondays: One Thing Every Couple Must Know {Link Up}

Today is my parent’s 40th anniversary. To be more accurate, this milestone was almost theirs until my father succumbed to his battle with prostate cancer last fall.

In Las Vegas on Memorial Day 1973, they said ‘I do’ after only four weeks of dating and never looked back.  Today is a difficult day for my mom to be sure.  It’s also a day when I am reminded of one important (but often ignored) truth.

There is but one thing every couple must remember if they are to live happily ever after til’ death do part:

Your spouse is not promised one breath beyond the present moment.

Remembering this point is crucial in creating a marriage in which happiness, good communication, friendship, love and encouragement trumps all else.

Have you ever gotten so upset with your spouse that you’ve gone to sleep after an argument determined to hold on to your position of being right until the next morning?  You may not realize this, but in that action, you made a subconscious decision that your spouse would still be there in the morning to continue the conversation; to acknowledge you were right.

But what about those who fall asleep in that state to never have their spouse wake up again?  What about the husband who walks out the door in the midst of an argument and never returns – not by his own will but that of his Maker?

Rather than spending the remainder of our lives thinking about the wonderful life we created with our spouse, we would likely live out our final days replaying that last conversation.  Instead of grieving our lover, we would grieve our last words together; that bitter moment when pride took precedence over love.

Even those who are happily married, adore their spouse, and have a wonderful relationship sometimes fall into this trap of arguing over the insignificant.  But what a better life those live who are reminded of this important point every moment of the day.  All of a sudden, nothing is so urgent as to not warrant patience and nothing is so important as to cause a lapse in our gentle approach.  

Today, in this moment, I challenge you to make a commitment to each other not to fall into that trap.  Never argue over things that will not matter in the last five minutes of your life, because after all, you never know when that time will come.

When my father passed away, my mother in all her sadness was comforted by the fact that she had no regrets.  She loved him to the very end and if she could do it all over again, she’d do it just the same.  We should all be so wise.  We should all be so in love.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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5 Special Gifts for National Husband’s Day

On January 22, 2014, we sponsored an unofficial new holiday: National Husband’s Day. A special day set aside for the nearly 1 million women in the Happy Wives Club community to celebrate our husbands.

Initially, my hope was we’d be able to get a government official to proclaim the day on our behalf. Our team began working on that and quickly realized the many complications of getting a date named as a holiday officially. But who needs official?

National Peanut Butter Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays. No government official has yet to recognize that officially but that doesn’t stop me from indulging in a few more spoonfuls of that tasty stuff just at the mention of its national holiday.

So let’s celebrate our special day together!

To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.

1. Print this certificate. If you didn’t get a chance to print this off last year, you may still want to print it now to let your husband know you’re a proud member of this club and because of his love, you’ve sponsored this day honoring him. This is the original sponsorship certificate so it includes the original 2014 date. Here is one dated for 2015.

2. Customize this proclamation. If you printed the above certificate last year as one of the original sponsors of National Husband’s Day (or even if you didn’t), we’ve created a customizable proclamation for you to give your husband this year. Customize it. Print it out (legal size paper). Frame it. Then deliver to him a gift sure to make him proud. (If your computer doesn’t allow you to customize the PDF, print this one to handwrite his name and your name instead).

3. Print a customized Book of Love. This fantastic DIY coupon book from The Dating Divas is something sure to knock your husband’s socks off. Surprise him with this creative book that gives him all the things he wants most…one coupon at a time.

4. Write the perfect love letter. Have you ever written your husband a love letter? Not just a few words at the bottom of a card but actually write the card yourself? If not, today’s a pretty fantastic day to sharpen your writing skills. To make it easy, here are 7 ways to write the perfect love letter.

5. Spoil your spouse date night. There’s no better night than tonight to spoil your spouse. This date night is all about doing what your husband loves to do. No marital compromise here –this is his night!

Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.