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3 Ways to Create Your “Happily Ever After”…Once Life Happens

I have an enormous respect for women whose husband’s are deployed.  They are charged with single-handedly maintaining the home while simultaneously raising and educating their children. 

For me, that’s a real life version of I Don’t Know How She Does It.  Well, Kathryn at Singing Through the Rain is one of those women who amaze me and I always leave her blog incredibly grateful for my life and marriage.  I hope you enjoy her post.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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When I was younger, I loved to read books about inspirational and Christian love stories. I loved reading about a couple’s background, how they met, and how they got together.  But the best part was the pursuit.

As much as I loved these books, I have a confession to make: I disliked reading any books that had stories about couples after they got married. I thought they were boring. Where was the excitement of finding love and being pursued? Who wanted to read a story about life after the “happily ever after?” Not me!

What little girl, what woman for that matter, hasn’t dreamt of a happily ever after? But life after marriage isn’t always what we expect.  For my mother, her “happily ever after” was definitely not happy. My parent’s marriage ended in divorce and the side effects of a bad marriage are still pawing at my family to this day.

How is life after YOUR happily ever after? Is it what you hoped?

I have been married almost 5 years now and I think that we have a pretty good marriage.  However our “happily ever after” has been quite different than expected.

First a miscarriage, then multiple health problems, then finding out that our little boy has autism. Life definitely hasn’t been the happily ever after I’d imagined or hoped it would be and it’s this “life after the wedding” that seems to affect a marriage the most.

It isn’t that our marriage isn’t great, it’s all the other things that tend to take our focus away from each other and pull at us from all different directions!

So how do we fix our view of happily ever after?  How do we focus on the life after ‘I do’ and make it just as good as falling in love and being pursued?  Here’s a few tips!

1. Change Your Expectations.
Has life thrown you some curve balls? Has your road to happily ever after been filled with twists and turns, bumps and dips?  Whatever has happened until now, that is the past.  Know that YOU and only you can change your situation and your expectations.

You can choose to stay in the “what I thought life would be like” mentality OR you can regroup and choose to focus on the positive.  See the changes as something wonderful – as an adventure you and your husband are taking together. Change your outlook for the better and it will change your life.

2. Learn to Pursue (not just be pursued).
Before the wedding, your husband pursued you. He sought after you and you after him. But sometimes after the wedding the pursuing stops. Life gets in the way, things get busy, or maybe you just think the “pursuing” is over now. I have good news for you: it’s not over! Marriage is about a life-long pursuit of one another!

Chase each other.  Adore one another.  Date for a lifetime.  And if you’re wondering how to do that after kids, try this!

3. Accept YOUR “Happily Ever After”.
Your “happily ever after” is the one God gave you. All you have to do is accept it and make the most of what you’ve been given. Your happily ever after doesn’t have to be the boring part that seems to follow a lot of marriages. It can be an exciting, thrilling journey that brings you and your husband closer than you ever imagined.  Trust me on this one!

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SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous Marriage Mondays link-up party!  Next Up: Mark your calendars for Monday, August 19th!

7 Simple Tips to Writing the Perfect Love Note

Do you come down with a severe case of writer’s block every time you think about writing a love note to your spouse?  

You’re not alone.

Even if you’re usually a talkative person, sometimes transferring that energy onto paper can be a challenge.

For some people, speaking through a pen comes naturally.  For most, however, it can be a difficult thing.  My husband is an incredibly gifted writer…except when it comes to writing love notes.

He easily verbalizes how much he loves me in the most beautiful ways, but ask him to write those same words down and you’ll get a blank stare.

For the first eight years of our marriage, he signed nearly every card with, “Love, Keith.”  Now, he’s advanced to adding a sentence or two before the Love, Keith.  

So if you are anything like my husband (come to think of it, maybe I should send this post to him too ), here are 7 simple tips to writing the perfect love note:

1. Don’t be afraid to borrow words.  Listen, I highly doubt Hallmark is going to come after you for borrowing words from their cards to give to your husband. As long as you’re not posting it on the internet and it’s private, use these words for inspiration.

2. Get your groove on…and then write down the lyrics.  Find a love song, get your groove on, and then jot down some of the lyrics.  Have you ever noticed how a love song you heard at a special place 15 years ago can cause memories to come rushing back the moment you hear it again?  Go online and search lyrics to romantic songs like Clint & Lisa Black’s When I Said I Do and turn those into a beautiful note.

3. Leave technology out of it.  Here’s the one time in the 21st century when you should not use technology.  The most personal love letters are handwritten.  It doesn’t matter if you have poor penmanship (although you may want to consider writing a few drafts to get the nicest version possible).  So pull out a pencil or pen and a piece of paper and go at this the old fashioned way.

4. Let nature speak to you.  When was the last time you left the hustle and bustle of city life (or the often hectic pace of home life) and simply immersed yourself in nature?  I don’t know about you but when I am among nothing but trees, sitting beneath stars, walking along a sandy beach or hiking in the mountains, words flow more clearly.  Clarity is gained and all that is beautiful comes rushing to your mind.  Immerse yourself in a natural and picturesque environment, whip out your pen and note pad, and I bet something magical will appear on your paper.

5. Enlist help.  Listen, if you want to write something beautiful and aren’t gifted in the area of creative writing, enlist your friends and family.  Send out a mass email and make a fun game out of it.  Tell everyone to send a line to be added to the letter.  You will get some oh-so-funny responses.  And if you can’t use any of them, at least you’ll get a big laugh out of it.

6. Pinterest, baby.  I was one of the last bloggers to get on Pinterest.  No, really.  I fought it as long as I could because I’m not an arts and crafts person.  But now that I understand it better, I realize how useful this social network can be for drawing inspiration.  Find all sorts of creative love letters and notes and borrow from their ideas.

7. Don’t be afraid of a few ABC’s.  Do you remember Nat King Cole’s L-O-V-E, “L is for the way you look at me. O is for the only one I see. V is very, very extraordinary. E is even more than anyone that you adore and. Love is all that I can give…”?  If all else fails, bust out your dictionary and run through a list of words that fit various letters in the alphabet. For instance, if your husband’s name is Mike you could say, “M is for the marvelous way you love me, I is for…” and on and on.

Are love letters important in order to show someone you love them? Of course not. But why not do it anyway?

QUESTION: When was the last time you wrote your spouse a love letter?  What was their response?

Until Monday…make it a great weekend! 

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous Marriage Mondays link-up party!  Next Up: Mark your calendars for Monday, August 19th!

5 Quick Ways to Revive Those Butterflies

I love every time Paula writes a post for this site.  She loves her hubby, adores her babies and is working daily to create her happily ever after.

Her post reminded me of something I haven’t done in several months…add to my Why I Love My Husband Never-Ending List.  Thanks, Paula!  I think I’ll get started on that again.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Have you ever been told that, the butterflies that you felt in the the beginning stages of your relationship, will disappear when a marriage has fully matured?

That the butterflies will fly away, as they are replaced with things like deeper trust and maturity.

I’ve heard this many times before and although I disagree, I can understand where this thought process is coming from; relationships do evolve.

My heart doesn’t always stop when my hand unintentionally brushes my husband’s throughout the day.  When I hear his voice, my stomach doesn’t always leap into my chest, the way it once did.

Things are different now, and being together can start to seem ordinary instead of exciting.

 

But I still believe in butterflies. 

 

The butterflies are always there. But sometimes, you have to work to make them flutter.

So, how do you get the butterflies going, even after years of marriage?  It’s easier than you might think.  Here are 5 quick ways to revive those butterflies!

1. Listen to Your Favorite Love Song – Songs can move our emotions like nothing else.  They transport us into a time and space long ago and bring the feelings forward to the present moment.  So turn down the lights and enjoy your favorite song together. Let the memories overtake you, and watch the butterflies do their thing.

2. Dress Up and Go Out – There is something special about getting all fancied up and spending a care-free night out of the house together.  (psssst….here are a few ways to save money on date night)

3. Kiss -I mean really kiss! *wink wink*  15 seconds a day can change your marriage…no really.

4. Find Joy in the Ordinary - This is a lesson I’m still learning.  Taking the time to notice all the tiny but wonderful things your spouse does every day. There are a thousand tiny reasons you fell in love with him, take the time to see those things in your everyday life, and those butterflies will go crazy!

5. Make a List – Do you remember when Fawn started the Never-ending “Why I love my husband list“? I loved that idea then, and I still love it now! Take time to sit down and write out all the fabulous, cute and sweet things you love about your hubby. It’s virtually impossible not to feel butterflies when you do this!
   

After a few years, it can take some effort to get the butterflies going again, but it is totally worth it! Maturity does not have to mean lack of flirtatious fun and butterflies! That sweet, giddy feeling can last a lifetime, if we are willing to put in the extra effort to keep having fun and falling in love every day! 

QUESTION: So what about you? What makes your butterflies flutter? 

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

MARRIAGE MONDAYS Link Up Party: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party!  Join us August 19th for our next Marriage Mondays!

Teamwork Makes the Marriage Work

A mantra often quoted in the corporate world is teamwork makes the dream work.  What I’ve discovered in my own life is this is even more true when it comes to relationships and marriage.

A couple weeks ago, my Facebook status read, “London for meetings, Chicago for a conference, Bahamas for a wedding, New York for meetings, San Francisco for a friend’s 50th birthday – and that’s all within the next 4 weeks. Go Team Weaver!”

This is our life.  A bit crazy, utterly hectic, and absolutely wonderful.  We know we can do everything, as long as we do it together.  

Team Weaver is how we’re known to our friends.  Over the years, I’ve truly come to appreciate that title more and more.

I can think back over the past ten years, all the out of reach goals we’ve set for ourselves, the “unrealistic” dreams we put front and center.  Even some of the prayers we sent up, most would probably think might come back down with, “Uh, are you kidding?”  

But we weren’t kidding.  

We have a profound faith in one another.  We have a desire to see the other succeed even more than we desire success for ourselves.

Years ago, my former colleagues invited me to join them for a 5K race for charity.  The company was sponsoring a group of runners and I was asked to be one of them.  Here’s the problem.  I didn’t know how to run.  

I know, in theory, running is just about putting one foot in front of the other with greater frequency than you might for walking.  

That is in theory.  In reality, nearly every runner will tell you that running is about training; it is about endurance.  It is about learning to breathe properly so you don’t get winded.

When I explained why I couldn’t join the team, one of the gals said, “Oh, don’t worry about any of that. You’re only going to need to run one leg of the 5K.  This is a relay.”

If we look at marriage as a relay, we can easily see why teamwork makes the marriage work.  You can run at least twice as far.  You can climb at least twice as high.  You can bear at least twice the amount of weight.

Have you ever tried doing a seated leg press on a weight machine at the gym?  It’s not my favorite machine, that’s for sure, but it is incredibly beneficial for my glutes so I use it every now and then.  When I sit down, place both of my feet on the metal plate and push, I am able to press approximately 250 lbs. But when I reduce the weight to half and attempt to do the same with only one leg, I can’t even move the plate.

It would stand to reason that if I press 250 lbs. with both legs, I should be able to press 125 lbs. with one.  But just as that is not the case with this interesting little contraption at the gym, that’s not the case in life.  Teaming up with your spouse doesn’t just multiply the effort and results by two, it increases your ability to do everything far more than you could possibly think.  

The next time you’re shooting for an out of reach goal, team up with your spouse and see how quickly something can go from being impossible to absolutely possible.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

MARRIAGE MONDAYS Link Up Party: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party!  Join us August 19th for our next Marriage Mondays!

5 Relationship Tips to Get Your Marriage Out of a Rut

Each week, I receive emails from great writers wanting to guest post for this site.  More often than not, I politely decline because we already have thirty fabulous contributors I want you all to have an opportunity to hear from regularly.

This past week, when Andrea Cairella contacted me with something she’d written, I found myself giving an enthusiastic yes! When you see her simple, yet well-reasoned relationship tips, you’ll see why.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Do you feel like you and your partner have gotten into the same old pattern? Do your daily interactions lack variety and flavor? Needing some relationship tips? 

It is often said that couples who play together stay together. And sharing common interests with your partner is a great way to keep you engaged and entertained in your relationship.

These 5 relationship tips can help you add some spice and fun back into your relationship.

1. Get physically active: Whether it is going on a bike ride or going on a day trip to a nearby town or city, getting physically active is a great way to change the routine and dynamics in your relationship. Plus getting some exercise reduces your level of stress, improves your mood and alters serotonin levels.

2. Getting Playful and Creative: Maintaining your youthful spirit and childlike nature can keep things light in your relationship. Some additional relationship tips include: having friends over for a game night, being silly and humorous with one another, or getting playful and creative in the bedroom. These activities allow you to have fun with each other and grow closer together, rather than becoming bored and feeling disconnected from the one you love.

3. Be a Lifelong Learner: Take a class together and learn something new. Whether it is taking a dance class, signing up for a cooking lesson or going to an interesting seminar or workshop being mentally engaged with your partner can add vitality to the relationship. Plus it can add some variety to your general topics of conversation.

4. Be Spontaneous and Try Something New: Use your imagination and brainstorm together various activities you would each like to try. Then create a list of places you would like to go (i.e. restaurants, cities, etc.). Then randomly select an event or place each week and have some fun.

5. Have a Date Night Once A Week: Often times when there are children involved, a couples time becomes limited and become impatient with their partner. In order to curb this potential challenge and create some boundaries, it is recommended to establish a weekly date night for the couple to reconnect and add some romance to the relationship. Hiring a babysitter or asking friends and family to give you a night off will allow you to nurture your partner and rekindle the spark on a weekly basis.

If you would like to get additional relationship tips to transform your life and create a relationship you love grab your 3 Part Video Series: Create a Relationship You Love for free today.

With love and gratitude,

Andrea

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

MARRIAGE MONDAYS Link Up Party: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party!  Join us August 19th for our next Marriage Mondays!

It’s Marriage Mondays Link-Up Party Time!

I’ve been waiting for this day for the past three weeks.  It’s Marriage Mondays link-up party time!

Previously, we’d hosted this link up party weekly but because it’s my desire to visit the sites of all those who link up, that became a bit of a challenge to keep up with each week.  

Last month, I made the decision to change Marriage Mondays to the 3rd Monday of every month.  It was a tough decision because I love visiting the sites of all the married bloggers who link up on this special day.

For those who don’t know, Marriage Mondays is the time when wonderful bloggers from around the world join us here to share their favorite blog posts from the past month.

I invite you to join me in hopping around to as many blogs as time will spare.

I love meeting new bloggers and am always encouraged reading the posts of those who join the link-up party.  I hope you will, as well.

If you’re a blogger, link up your most intriguing posts from the past month below.  Remember, if it doesn’t have a good title, chances are no one will be interested in hopping over to read it.  So link up the best you’ve got and woo us to your site.

We are a community of close to 200,000 women and we’re here to support one another, encourage each other and shining a positive light on life, love and marriage.

So put on your dancing shoes and join the link up party!

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

<a href='http://www.happywivesclub.com/staging/'><img src="http://www.happywivesclub.com/staging/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/MarriageMondays-175.jpg" alt="Happy Wives Club"/></a>

The 15 Best Aphrodisiac Recipes For Your Hubby & You

Does your hubby know his way around the kitchen?  Does he love showing off his culinary skills?  

If you’ve been longing to see your husband standing over the stove and making a delicious meal for you, show him these recipes!  

I guarantee he will be all too happy to burn it up in the kitchen so you can both steam up in the bedroom a little later.

Studies have long shown that certain vitamins and minerals increase nerve sensitivity and boost hormone levels, pumping up that sometimes elusive libido.  

I know what you might be thinking, and no, oysters aren’t the only aphrodisiac food with the ability to put you in the mood.

So find a recipe here and eat your way to an incredible time using the 15 best aphrodisiac recipes we’re dishing up.  

Breakfast (Did you know libido is oftentimes highest in the morning?  Or so I’ve been told )

Almond French Toast: Grab your hubby by the hand and get the morning started off right!  Not only does this recipe include two aphrodisiac foods, almonds and eggs, you can top it off with two more -bananas and strawberries- for an orgasmic delight.

Freestyle Frittata: This distinct Italian relative of the omelet uses not one but two aphrodisiac foods.  Send your libido into overdrive with every delectable bite!

Chocolate Maca Milkshake: Get a libido boost first thing in the morning by adding this powerful superfood to any of your smoothies or begin the morning with something a little sweeter.  Sworn by Peruvians to be the most powerful aphrodisiac ever, Maca roots are said to boost sexual strength and libido.

Lunch or Dinner (don’t be afraid to break away in the middle of the day for a bedroom soiree)

Black and White Steak au Poivre: Those French certainly know how to make some sexy dishes!  Add a glass of red wine, another aphrodisiac food, to this meal and Ooh La La.

Asparagus, Mozzarella & Prosciutto Parcels: An English herbalist from the 17th century, Nicholas Culpepper, wrote that asparagus “stirs up lust in man and woman.” In 19th century France, bridegrooms were served three courses of the sexy spears at their prenuptial dinners. A great source of vitamins and minerals, including folic acid, which is said to boost histamine production necessary for the ability to reach orgasm in both sexes.  Oh yeah!

Fig Goat Cheese Pie with Basil: If you’ve not figured it out by now, my goal is to find recipes that combine as many of the top 30 aphrodisiac foods thought to boost the libido as possible.  This lovely recipe combines three, almonds, fig and basil, for a taste that is out of this world!

King Ranch Chicken: With the slightly spicy kick of poblano and jalapeño chile peppers (and aphrodisiac food that fires you up in all the right places), this cheesy chicken casserole is anything but ordinary.

Oyster and Scallop Tartare with Ginger Dressing: Cue the gastronomic explosion in your mouth with this recipe that combines three aphrodisiac foods: oysters, ginger and champagne.

Salmon with Sweet Chili Glaze and Sugar Snap Peas: The wild variety of salmon is a great source of Omega-3 fatty acids. These essential oils are said to help in proper glandular development and lead to increased response to arousal.  Throw in some sweet chili sauce and ginger and you’ve got a dinner jam-packed with three aphrodisiacs.

Bacon, Avocado and Tomato Cristini: Although I’ve never seen bacon on a list of aphrodisiac foods, I’m sure there are plenty men out there who might disagree.  But just in case bacon being an aphrodisiac is a myth, this recipe includes three real ones: avocado, garlic and lemon.  As my little sister would say, “Yummerz!”

Cold Almond and Garlic Soup with Figs and Marcona Almonds: The Mediterranean diet isn’t thought to be the sexiest diet in the world for no reason.  This soup boasts three aphrodisiac ingredients -used often in Mediterranean diets- in one bowl. Jackpot.

Spicy Strawberry Salsa: What happens when you add a little bit of lime juice, jalapeño pepper, and a few other choice items with strawberries?  You get something that is out of this world!  Sure, strawberries are pretty sexy-looking already. But on top of that, they contain antioxidants and improve circulation, which up your chances of having a hot-blooded encounter.

Dessert (chocolate is an aphrodisiac…so get double the pleasure)

Pomegranate Chocolate Chunk Oatmeal Cookies: Now, who wouldn’t love the combination of these three aphrodisiacs (chocolate, pomegranate and oatmeal)?  Don’t even wait until these cookies cool down, eat them just minutes out of the oven and while the melted chocolate gets all over your hands…well…you know (**wink wink**).

Banana and Nutella S’Mores: You mean Nutella doesn’t qualify as an aphrodisiac?  I’m shocked!  Well, at least this yummy twist on a campfire tradition includes two known aphrodisiacs, bananas and chocolate.

Chocolate Glazed Chocolate Tart: It just seems like any recipe with “chocolate” contained twice in the name should make it onto this list of our 12 best.  On Epicurious.com, this recipe is rated 4-forks with ninety-eight percent saying they’d make it again.  Sounds like a winner to me!

QUESTION: What’s your favorite recipe(s) featuring an aphrodisiac food?  Add it below in the comments (and if you have the link to the recipe, feel free to include that too!)

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

MARRIAGE MONDAYS Link Up Party: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party!  Join us July 15th for our next Marriage Mondays!

The One Thing You Should Know About Marriage

A few days ago, I received the following note from Cheryl on our Facebook community page:

“Just wanted to take a minute to thank you for being here. Hubby was unemployed for 17 months. We lost all our retirement savings (we are both close to 60). Went without food, electricity, sold our belongings just to survive.

I had a lot of residual anger over the whole thing that ended up pointed toward my husband because he was the only other person in the house.

My therapist said that I should write a long letter that I don’t send to get all my anger out and I did start the letter. That same day, I ran across your Facebook page.

I realized it would take the same amount of effort to be angry at him as it would to learn to love him again. So I ‘liked’ your page, put the letter in the trash can and started focusing on loving my husband again.

We are still in a bad place financially and might lose the house, but we don’t care. As long as we are together, nothing else matters. Thank you so much for coming along when I needed your help. Angels show up in the most interesting places. Blessings from Kansas.”

I read the note to Keith that morning and his reaction was pretty much the same as mine (albeit, without the added tears that filled my eyes), “That is awesome, Honey!”  Then he paused a moment to further ponder what I’d just read.  

The Happy Wives Club is doing exactly what we set out to do.

No one gets married hoping one day it’ll fall apart (at least no one I’ve ever met).  But life happens and those small things many were once willing to overlook -quirks, idiosyncrasies, imperfections, failures- all of a sudden become the main focus.

A world full of broken, jaded and hardened hearts is a dangerous world to live.  A place where broken homes are the majority is a disheartening existence.  But you can help change that.  You already have.  

By remaining positive and optimistic about marriage, sharing your wonderful experiences of love, you’re causing people to look at their own marriages and figure out a way to fix what has become broken rather than turn and run the other way.

You may not realize how many people, like Cheryl, you are encouraging just by having a happy and healthy marriage.  You likely have no clue how many you have healed just by being you.  But I want to encourage you that it’s more than you think.

The one thing you should know about marriage is how much yours matters.  You, my friend, are changing the world.  Your loving marriage heals hearts and the homes in which they reside.  Keep loving.  Keep shining.  And never forget how important your marriage is to those around you.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

MARRIAGE MONDAYS Link Up Party: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party!  Join us July 15th for our next Marriage Mondays!

3 Tips to Avoid Fighting with Your Spouse

When I read this post by HWC contributor, Kim Hall, the first thing I thought was “Yes!”  I have always been a true believer that arguments aren’t a requirement in marriage; quite the contrary.  

In the this post, Kim gives three things you can do to successfully get your point across without saying something you are likely to later regret.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Does your marriage ever hit rough spots?

Perhaps they are about time, money, the kids, or different visions for the future.

Whatever the topic, there are often times hot buttons that can set you off, and the two of you head predictably down that old rocky path to nowhere.

Tempers flare, thoughts pop out, and words burn.

Instead of traveling down that rocky path, I have three suggestions that have worked in our home to avoid fighting, and I believe they will help create a smoother journey in yours as well.

1. When you feel like yelling, speak quietly. Take slow, deep, tummy breaths, and give yourself a few moments before responding.  Hang your jaw for good measure during those moments, too. Yes, you may look and feel silly—I always do!—but it makes it much harder to feel angry. Be very intentional about the volume and tone of your voice and the words you choose.

Food for thought: If a fiery response from your last argument were the last words you ever said to your spouse, would you be grateful or regretful?

2. When you feel like condemning, be curious and questioning. Did you know you can’t be curious and angry at the same time? Being curious helps keep you calmer and more relaxed. Being curious also helps to create an environment where you come together to solve a problem rather than being at odds over it. Asking quality questions will help you gather useful information that will illuminate and help solve problems.

Food for thought: If this was a good friend instead of your hubby, would you respond with more understanding?

3. When you feel like withholding affection, be abundantly generous with your love. This requires letting go of hurts and annoyances and remembering that your relationship is bigger than dishes in the sink, dirty laundry on the floor, or trash that needs to go out. When you are talking things over, sit side by side. Relax your muscles and take more deep, slow breaths.  Recall how you felt when you were dating, and reach out and touch your husband. (No worries about mixed signals: Remember Sheila’s post about physical touch not being a down payment.)

Food for thought: If you had just five minutes left on this earth, would that change your perspective and behavior?

All of these strategies take practice.

Be patient, graceful and forgiving with yourself and your spouse.

Recognize your habits will take time to change, as they generally have taken years to form.

Practice will never make your communication perfect, but it will certainly make it more peaceful and productive!

Question: What tips can you share to avoid fighting with your husband?

May you find happiness wherever you are!

Kim @ Too Darn Happy

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

5 Quick & Easy Financial Tips For Couples Getting Out of Debt

When I wrote the post on my #1 financial tip for couples on a budget on Monday, I didn’t expect such a large reception.  

More than 10,000 new visitors stopped by that day to give it a read, and a countless number of visitors couldn’t access it because the large spike in traffic at certain times caused our server to crash ten times.  Yes, 10x. 

It was then I realized how many couples reading HappyWivesClub.com are in need of help in this area.  

Several years ago, my husband and I made some drastic changes to pull ourselves out of debt – as quickly and easily as possible.  We now know firsthand the freedom that comes as a result of removing that huge pile of bricks (aka debt) off our shoulders.

There are so lessons we learned throughout that journey and these are our top five:

1. Team up.  Getting on the same page could quite possibly be the single most important tip to getting your finances on track as quickly as possible.  Strong couples look at debt as a financial challenger (rather than a challenge) and join forces to defeat it.

2. Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover.  I’m not an affiliate for this program, I’ve never met the author, and gain nothing by endorsing it.  The reason I suggest it is it works!  

This is the program Keith and I used and it is what helped us get on the same page with our finances immediately.

We followed the author’s step-by-step instructions and pulled out of debt much faster than we ever thought possible.  This morning, I found the book on sale for $1.99 (99% off) at Barnes & Noble online.

3. Divide your spending into categories for greater oversight.  There are a number of ways to do this.  In our household, my husband and I use a monthly allowance system and each takes responsibility for capping certain expenses.  You can read here for our exact system.

4. Give.  It’s a fascinating thing.  When people get in a financial rut, one of the first things they often stop doing is giving.  That is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.  No matter your religion or faith, giving is a principle that simply works.  From books like Rich Dad, Poor Dad to the Millionaire Next Door, business and financial experts all include this as a pivotal ingredient in their recipe for financial success.

5. Make gratitude a part of your daily life.  If you’re reading this on a computer or a smart phone, there’s a great likelihood you’re within the top 10% of wealthiest people in the world.  Keeping this perspective will help you appreciate what you have and that appreciation opens up the gateways of your mind.

It’s not always about getting another job, or working harder, sometimes the answer rests in allowing our minds to be as free as possible to come up with the solutions we need.  And scientists have proven, time and time again, that gratitude and focusing on the positive is one of the fastest ways to achieve success.  

If you have 12 minutes to spare (or if not, consider fast forwarding to the 9-minute mark), here’s a video I’ve personally sent to my closest friends and family that explains why this adjustment could very well be the missing variable in your financial health equation.

QUESTION: What other financial tips for couples would you add to this list?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

MARRIAGE MONDAYS Link Up Party: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party!  Join us July 15th for our next Marriage Mondays!

The #1 Financial Tip For Couples on a Budget

I’ve heard many opinions on this topic and I’ve also heard arguments against why my #1 recommended financial tip doesn’t matter as long as a couple is “responsible.”

Well, for all those who aren’t as responsible with money as you’d like to one day become, here’s something my husband and I began doing years ago when we paid off our debt and we continue to this day.  

It has easily become our top financial tip for couples who ask our advice on this topic (well, this and doing your best to spend less than you make ).

Allowances.

My husband and I both have a monthly allowance.  Yes, I realize this is something most teenagers have when they’re young and grow out of after graduation.

However, for those who find themselves short on cash month-after-month (maybe even year-after-year), I highly recommend giving this a try. 

Here’s how it works in our household:

First, we place all of our income into a joint household account.  Household necessities, tithes, charitable contributions, etcetera, all come from this main account.

Secondly, on the first of each month, we write two separate allowance checks; one for Keith and one for me.  Years ago, we both determined the amount of funds we’d need monthly for all of our necessities and a bit of “play” money.  Of course, when we were working to pull ourselves out of debt, our allowances included very little discretionary funds. 

Thirdly, we each take our checks and deposit them into our separate “allowance” bank accounts.  These checking accounts have debit cards attached so our individual spending each month comes solely from these accounts.  

(NOTE: We determined allowance amounts based on who usually pays for what.  For instance, I do the grocery shopping, so that amount is included in my allowance.  Keith pays for all date nights, so that amount is included in his allowance.)

Lastly, and possibly most importantly, whatever amount you agree to, stick to it.  This ensures a cap on your spending and will help you predetermine the amount of money that will be spent each month.  

There have been times when I’ve spent all but the last dime of my allowance several days early and canned chicken became our dinner (not kidding).  Do that enough times and you’ll learn how to better control your spending throughout the month.  I certainly have.

For decades, money woes have destroyed marriages.  In mine, it made us stronger.  We looked at debt as a financial challenger (rather than a challenge) and joined forces to defeat it rather than allowing such a vincible foe to weaken our relationship.  If finances have ever been a challenge in your marriage, team up and fight against it.  What force can defeat your united front?  Not a one. 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

{Looking for MARRIAGE MONDAYS?  We’ll now be hosting it every 3rd Monday of the month.  This will allow us time to promote it better and make sure more people are seeing your posts!  Join our next link up party July 15th!}

Sexercise: Rev Up Your Metabolism While Boosting Your Sex Life!

Happy wife, Olympian, fitness coach and home-schooling momma of two, Annett Davis, usually hangs out in our Health & Fitness section.  But today, she’s sharing her fabulous tips on the big screen.  Enjoy .  

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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You want to live a happy, healthy, and long life don’t you?  I know I do. If you want those things then have more sex.  You and your husband will thank me for it.

Here’s why I say this.  For a lot of women sex may not be on your list of how you’d like to spend your night. Especially, after you’ve spent all day with kids hanging off your arms, or working 9-5.  Sleep is what’s on your mind. I know.  I’ve been there.   Of course we are doing a great thing when we have sex with our hubbies -tightening the bonds of our marriage, being one (yada yada).  

Besides all of those great things, sex really does a body good!

Just think, sex can keep you fit, and it can help you shed the extra weight.  The older you get the slower your metabolism runs.  By the time you are 35 years old your body burns 100 less calories per day than your 25 year old counterpart.  Having sex is similar to a High Intensity Interval Workout (HIIT).  You may have seen an infomercial for a workout called Insanity. These folks go HARD.  It’s an interval workout where you exercise at an intense level for a certain amount of time, followed up by a less intense period, then back to intense again.  Well, what does that sound like to you?  Sex!!!  My husband and I call it Sexercise.

 Studies show that interval training for just 15 minutes a few times a week can produce better results than someone running an hour on a treadmill. This type of workout burns more fat than jogging. Not only that, it helps speed up your metabolism! The best part is that you only need your hubby, and no gym membership or extra equipment is required.  

How many calories can you burn having sex?  You can burn at least 80-300 calories depending on how long and intense your time is with you man.   A well timed quickie can help get rid of those love handles (…if you know what I mean).

In addition, sex helps you relieve stress, and studies show it has helped relieve depression.  It also boosts the immune system, helping you avoid nasty colds and other sickness.  Sex can improve your PMS symptoms (hallelujah), arthritis pain, and headaches.  Once your husband finds out about that last one you may need to lose the “Honey I have a headache” line you’ve been using.  

Being too tired for sex is probably the number one excuse (besides having a headache) that a woman gives when she doesn’t want to have sex.  You may want to stop using that one too. Research shows that oxytocin which is released when you have an orgasm helps you to sleep better.  Sleep not only helps you prepare for the next day, it also helps you get to a healthy weight. 

So next time you think of telling your honey “not tonight” just think of all the benefits of sex you’ll be missing out on.  You can sleep better, get fit, and increase your metabolism in just 20 minutes of sexercise. (wink)

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

5 Special Gifts for National Husband’s Day

On January 22, 2014, we sponsored an unofficial new holiday: National Husband’s Day. A special day set aside for the nearly 1 million women in the Happy Wives Club community to celebrate our husbands.

Initially, my hope was we’d be able to get a government official to proclaim the day on our behalf. Our team began working on that and quickly realized the many complications of getting a date named as a holiday officially. But who needs official?

National Peanut Butter Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays. No government official has yet to recognize that officially but that doesn’t stop me from indulging in a few more spoonfuls of that tasty stuff just at the mention of its national holiday.

So let’s celebrate our special day together!

To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.

1. Print this certificate. If you didn’t get a chance to print this off last year, you may still want to print it now to let your husband know you’re a proud member of this club and because of his love, you’ve sponsored this day honoring him. This is the original sponsorship certificate so it includes the original 2014 date. Here is one dated for 2015.

2. Customize this proclamation. If you printed the above certificate last year as one of the original sponsors of National Husband’s Day (or even if you didn’t), we’ve created a customizable proclamation for you to give your husband this year. Customize it. Print it out (legal size paper). Frame it. Then deliver to him a gift sure to make him proud. (If your computer doesn’t allow you to customize the PDF, print this one to handwrite his name and your name instead).

3. Print a customized Book of Love. This fantastic DIY coupon book from The Dating Divas is something sure to knock your husband’s socks off. Surprise him with this creative book that gives him all the things he wants most…one coupon at a time.

4. Write the perfect love letter. Have you ever written your husband a love letter? Not just a few words at the bottom of a card but actually write the card yourself? If not, today’s a pretty fantastic day to sharpen your writing skills. To make it easy, here are 7 ways to write the perfect love letter.

5. Spoil your spouse date night. There’s no better night than tonight to spoil your spouse. This date night is all about doing what your husband loves to do. No marital compromise here –this is his night!

Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.