The Demise of Marriage Has Been Greatly Exagerrated
Rest assure, rumors of the demise of marriage have been greatly exaggerated.
Would you like to know how I know? Why I am absolutely, positively certain?
You.
Me.
The Happy Wives Club.
This community of close to 200,000 in 110 countries around the world tells me marriage is alive and well.
Think about it.
How many other things do you know of where people from so many different cultures, backgrounds, religions, political beliefs, etcetera all see eye to eye?
And yet, we all wholeheartedly agree about two things: 1. Marriage Rocks! 2. So do our hubbies.
One of the things I love most about this community is there is no religious agenda. No political affiliation. We share one thing universally: Love.
You may not know this (although many of you do) but I founded this club as an antithesis to what we see in common culture.
Movies like the Stepford Wives and television shows like Desperate Housewives, the Real Housewives of (coming to a town near you), and others like it have shaped the way the world sees us.
There is this misperception that all wives are miserable, most husbands cheat, and marriage is just another word for the “old ball and chain.” Who really knows when this less than positive view of marriage began, why it began and when it will stop. But this we do know. We can change the perception of marriage, not only in America, but around the world. And we can do it spotlighting one happy marriage at a time.
It was with this desire that I reached out to an amazing husband and wife filmmaking duo in Seattle, Washington and asked them to create something we could all share on our various social networks to show the world happy marriages do still exists.
I wanted something that would encourage those new in marriage that their union could -and will- last a lifetime if they put in the effort to make it happen.
My heart’s desire was for it to be something women like you and I could stand up and cheer for, proclaiming: I am a happy wife! A visual storytelling of what love looks like thirty years from I Do. I think you’ll agree that was achieved.
A loving marriage is a beautiful thing. I know it. You know it. Now, let’s let the world know it. As the short one minute video says: Share your love. Share your passion. Show the world happy marriages exist.
Hollywood has given us their version of marriage. Now, let’s give them ours.
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us September 16th for our next Marriage Mondays!
50 Proven Tips for Making Your Marriage Last
I discovered something yesterday. Well, really I rediscovered it.
Our members give fantastic marriage advice!
Yesterday, in our Facebook community, I posed two simple questions: Have you been married more than 10 years? If so, will you share something here to encourage those newer to marriage?
Within hours, more than 600 people responded. Women seasoned in marriage shared their perspectives, tips, advice and encouraged those in their first 10 years of marriage.
Those in the early years of their union reciprocated overwhelmingly with gratitude to the women who had just fanned their flames of hope.
It was a beautiful exchange to be sure.
While reading through them, I found myself pumping my fist in the air like I was at a ball game yelling, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
I knew almost immediately, those encouragements needed to also be shared here, with you.
And although the below advice isn’t any better than the hundreds of others on our community page (I certainly wouldn’t attempt to rank them), I could only post a few here so I hope you’ll click the link at the bottom to see the rest.
Without further ado, here are 50 proven tips for making your marriage last :
- Celebrated 26 years this past May. Married my high school sweetheart. The lessons are in the journey. Grace, forgiveness, tenacity, love, faith, honesty, compassion and the flat refusal to ever give up on each other or your marriage. My husband brings me a bouquet of flowers on the first of each month, to start our month right (his words). It is a simple gesture that I look forward to as do our daughters. Love is in the simple, small gestures each day. Grateful to be here in this part of our trek, as it gets better with the passing of the years; if you have cultivated and communicated….it grows to be stronger than steel and your respite from all else. -Julie Hernandez
- I have been married 36 years, got married real young and still happy and in love. My advice is DON’T give up, work on your problems and talk to each other. -Sandra Baillargeon-Sheridan
- Married 44 years. We married when we were 18 years old as my husband returned as a soldier from a tour of duty in the Vietnam war. The best way to have a good marriage is to Learn how to “JUST BE” together without the “expectation” that your partner is to entertain you when you are bored. Spouses who have a good sense of themselves and know how to be content by themselves and keep themselves busy are the happiest. They have the healthiest marriages BECAUSE they are not clingy, needy, so high maintenance..that they expect their partners to “MAKE” them happy..ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! -Judith Redman Kirk
- I’ve been married for 25 years… I’ve learned to pick my battles and never go to bed angry, stay up till 4am if necessary talking things through….. Or just forgive and forget! Marriage is a commitment to that person that has been and will be the witness of your life! Cherish it because you never know how long you’ll have each other!! -LD Rocio Wagner
- Married 21 years! My motto for our marriage is we are not perfect just perfect for each other. Be best friends. Never say the word divorce. Wake up everyday looking for something to thank him for. Tell him every chance you get how sexy you think he is. Never leave each other without saying I love you. Talk to each other don’t yell. Remember when the world is against you, he is for you. And enjoy the ride! -Michelle Hicks Kerwood
- I got married at 18. They all said it wouldn’t last. In October, it will be 36 years!! My advice: Always go the extra mile, give more than you receive. -Susie Ruhl
- We’ve been married 35 yrs. Always let each other know how important you are to each other. We never part without a kiss and we value all of our time together. Let him know that he is your best friend and talk, talk and talk….men are not psychic. Is it easy? Not always. Is it worth it? You betcha! -Dovie Punneo
- Don’t give up when you hit a bump. Work it through. Too many people throw away a perfectly good relationship because, in a moment of anger or even boredom, they think they don’t love each other any more. It’s seldom that bad! Keep going. (21 years and just getting started) -Jacquie Bate
- Any marriage is one toxic friendship away from falling apart. Closely guard who you allow into your lives. -Anna Smith Bankston
- My husband and I have been married 37 years, He is my best friend. We have one thing in common “divorce is not an option.” Life is what you make it. -Debra Finlay Smith
- Embrace the downs. That sounds negative but it isn’t. Although there will be plenty of ups there will be plenty of downs. Hold hands and be determined to walk through them together, never losing sight that you are each other’s. It’s easier to stand the buffeting winds with each other. The other side of the down times are much sweeter because of that. I’m saying that just shy of 27 years. -La Turgeon
- Married 26 years…never be too proud to admit when you’re wrong! We NEVER go to bed angry. -Shelly Golden
- Twenty-one happy years of marriage has taught me that you should never sweat the little stuff. Let it go. Pick your battles so carefully that you almost never fight. Be happy every single day…you have found the love of your life! -Cheryl Hurley Kizner
- Never try to change each other. Been married 23 years after a 3 month whirlwind courtship. He was 18 and I was 24. If you think you stay the same, think again. Accept each other and embrace the differences. Realize you will have problems but don’t be a part of this throwaway society. And yes, the honeymoon phase does end but the love changes into something more intense. Love is grand. -Melissa Adele Haggai
- Hubs and I have been together for nearly 21 years and married for 15 of them. First secret is to think carefully about your value to your spouse; always assume that his intention is for whatever is in your best interest even if the intent somehow gets lost in the translation of his actions. 9 times out of 10, there is a misunderstanding that needs to be clarified rather than to assume that he’s too lazy, attempting to manipulate you, etc. Try first to understand his logic behind the choices he makes before going on the defensive. -Mindy Chemacki
- Married 42 years today for us. One thing I finally learned and still working on is that I can’t change my hubby to my way of thinking. Nor should I expect him to think like me. I married him because he was totally opposite. Pray for your hubby and God will do what needs to be one either in him or you. Still the love of my life after all these years! -Linda Orosco
- Married 16 years. Together almost 28 years. Remind yourself when you’re angry with your spouse, “My life will always be better with you than without you.” -Aimee Foster
- I have been married 32 years. My advice is to always respect each other, even when you don’t agree -and believe me there will be plenty of times when you don’t!- accept each others differences, your strengths and weaknesses. Be supportive, Never Tear Each Other Down! The biggest thing is DON”T give up. There can be weeks, months and sometimes even years that aren’t the way you thought they would be. In the end, its about creating a place where each of you can be yourself, have the freedom to explore new things, and know that you are always safe and loved. Marriage is the most beautiful thing in the world, the greatest relationship anyone can ever hope to be blessed with! -Brenda Stantz
- Was married 36 1/2 years…Make life about your mate..Laugh at your own mistakes…ask for forgiveness when need..never scream at each other..pray together daily an enjoy time with out being in each others pockets..No name calling other than complimented on beauty..always always give thanks for even the smallest they do for you..Saying I love you when you think it ….Life can snatch your love one away….but hold what you had in speaking your memories. -Shelly Homan Billington
- I have been married for 23 years met my husband when I was 15. We’ve been together for 26 years. Best advice I can give anyone is pick your battles. Some fights aren’t even worth the discussion. P.S. And we never let anything get in our way.. (Money, family) we plan together.. And dream together! -Cara Williams Garcia
- Marriage is not a 50%-50% give and take. It is 100%-100%…there are always days and times that each have nothing to give..the other one must then give 100% to make up the difference. Married 42 years and still in love. -Kathleen Somers
- Married for 21 years been together for 27 years.. 6 great kids! I think what makes our marriage successful is that we are absolutely the best of friends.. We want to be around each other all the time.. We want to tell each other everything! We laugh together and hold each other up during the not so nice times. We respect each other and have understanding for each other. We hardly fight and when we do we are not afraid to say sorry. We try and do little things to show we still love each other. -Catharine Schneider-Parsons
- On September 9th, we will celebrate 41 wonderful years. My advice, laugh together, play together and always, always talk things out! -Nikki Ada Slodysko
- Married 36 years. We got married when I was 16 and he was 18. We have had great times, good times and bad times. Through it all, we have been there for each other. Tell each other daily that you love each other. Hold hands, listen to the other person….pray for your spouse daily. And most of all do date night each week. Doing things together when life is so busy help build a strong bond. Lastly, remember in sickness and health, let your love for each other shine through. God has blessed this union he will keep it strong. -Myrna Hernandez
- A wife who sees her husband as one of the children has lost her perspective. Always try to see the man in your man if you want him to be your man. -Vickie Anders
- Rolling down on 20 years. Accept that each of you are not perfect. Have an “our” thing…ours is going for long drives with no destination. -Denise Cox Lehosky
- Married 17 years as of 8/24/2013. The most important thing is communication. We talk to each other about everything good or bad there are no secrets between us. If you can talk to each other about everything, then loving, respecting and caring for each other comes real easy. -Norma Proctor
- Married 44 years last August 9th. Understand that there will be times when you may not like your husband but love him always. -Margarita Cordero
- Been married 41 years. Still my best friend and soul mate. Never go to bed angry. Always treat your spouse as you want to be treated. Remember the grass is rarely greener on the other side of the fence. It it always easier to give up and leave. NOT!!! -Debi Newby
- It’s 20 years for us! Don’t walk away, don’t give up, keep going, walking away isn’t an option! Don’t hold grudges, don’t be bitter. Talk things through, be open to change, be best friends, support each other, work together. Make time as a couple, date nights, weekend getaways…time alone is crucial. -Melody Malone James
- Married 29 years and the answer for us is God, good communication (we talk about everything), and taking the word divorce completely off the table. Don’t give up when it gets tough, give grace and be quick to forgive. Always make the other a priority, don’t become complacent and take the other for granted. Keep the romance alive! -Cynthia Henderson
- Been married for 22 years. No matter how angry you are don’t call your spouse bad names. They can break the good relationship you have. -Ruth Kinyanjui
- Married 22 years….Always ask yourself how any action you take will affect your spouse….making sure that your spouse has committed to doing the same. Never assume that you know why the other just said something that hurt or angered you….make sure you ask directly what they meant by the words before you respond in anger or tears. You have to set your standards just as the spouse does on how you ARE to be treated…the rest is compromise and cuddling. -Rhonda Marshall Hudson
- As a wife of nearly 23 years, I can honestly say that our marriage grows stronger, richer, and more satisfying each year because we constantly continue to work on it. We take time each day to talk. We date and romance one another. We are each other’s best friend. We keep God at the center of our marriage. We treat each other with kindness and respect. Happily Ever After does exist, you just have to work alongside your Prince Charming to make it happen. Good luck. It is well worth the effort-always. One last thing-love is an action, not just a feeling. Continue to love, even if you don’t feel “in love”. Those feelings will return if you just keep loving anyway! -Stephanie Scevers
- Be Best Friends. Have mutual respect and any Good Marriage takes two good Forgivers. Married 21 years and I Love Him more every day. -Mona Whorton
- I have been married for nearly 40 years. We will renew our wedding vows next March which I can’t wait for. We have been together for 45 years; dating for 5 years before we got married. Our marriage vows are sacred to us only death will part us! -Bonnie Elske
- I’ve been married 23 years and feel it’s important to keep falling in love with your spouse. Don’t let the romance die. -Wendy Neff Tonga
- Been married 24 years and happier than ever! Remember that God made men and women different for different purposes. He doesn’t think l like you do, and you don’t think like he does. Understand that concept and be patient during your differences. And always be ready to forgive as you would want to be forgiven. -Gayle Dodic Bogs
- Married almost 27 years. The best advice comes from my father and this is to never stop dating. As usual, father knows best! -Karen Zappavigna Hoogland
- 33 years married. Live, laugh and love. My husband is my best friend. We enjoy each other’s company so much and never forget to go out on dates. We give compliments to one another and never go to sleep angry. Marriage is a long journey so we ride on it happily and relaxed. I’m praying that we will grow old together…I love my man. -Susan Barrientos- Baldoz
- It’s a full time job and it was worth it for me…I am married 25 years today. Three words to remember: Respect, Communication, Fidelity…it all starts there. -Linda Valerio Hayes
- Been married 30 years: Treat each other the way you want to be treated. -Deanna Johnson
- I’ve been married 38 years. We also run a family business together. My advice is: Learn to “let it go.” It’s going to be okay…even if you don’t get your way. Put it in perspective and realize there are others in the world that would love to trade for what you don’t even want. -Julie Golden Gross
- I have been married 40 years this weekend. My advice is to be best friends, talk things over and don’t walk away at the first sign of trouble. Marriage should be for life. -Gillian Woolston
- Talk to each other often. Spend time together & apart. Be truthful to each other. Keep the faith! Married 27 years! We just spent 26 days in an RV just us & we loved it! -Catherine Murry Matteucci
- I am married 33 years and love my husband more with each passing day. The key is communication! He is my best friend. We are happiest when we are together. My happy place is with my husband. Best wishes to everyone. I also married when I was young and my husband is 10 years older than me. I can honestly say that I would marry the same man at the same age. I would change nothing! Oh I would also say, never take each other for granted. Always say thanks for the small things. Work on your marriage every day and again I say communicate! -Katie White
- Almost 21 years for us. Commit to the statement: if its broken; fix it…don’t throw it away!! -Marcia Heflin Fleming
- Married 27 years; together 32. You must be partners. Marriage is two contributions; never one taking. Always kiss goodnight and never argue over anything; it’s a waste of precious time. Compromise and understand you are different, that’s why you compliment one another. Laugh often. Share everything, even if you think the other won’t understand or it will hurt. Love is strength. -Sherry Beckwith
- Been married almost 23 yrs (2 more weeks to our anniversary!). I think the best advice I have is “attitude.” Go into the marriage with the attitude that you WILL be together forever. WORK THINGS OUT with that goal in mind. If you keep the idea that “well, if this doesn’t work, I can just move on” then you don’t have the motivation to make things work. -Theresa McClure
- It will be 21 yrs in January! Stick through the bad times. Be open and honest. Always try to make them feel special and tell them you love them all of the time. Have fun together! Encourage when they are down and rejoice in their happiness! Unconditional love! -Stacey Brown Treadwell
There are hundreds more on our community page so if you want more, definitely click on this direct link to the responses from those happily married for 10, 20, 30 and even 40-plus years. Oh, how I love this club.
QUESTION: What piece of advice here resonated most with you?
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book line none other.
5 Fantastic Benefits of a Debt-Free Marriage
In 2008, motivated by the Great Recession (and a pretty excitable Nashville guy with the last name Ramsey), my husband and I became laser beam focused on paying off our debt.
At the time, we did it out of necessity. The debt was beginning to feel like a cloud over our head ready to pour rain at any time.
We took immediate action and five years later, I can tell you it was the best decision we ever made.
I can think of dozens of great reasons for paying off your debt. But I’ll let the fabulous Dustin Riechmann share with you 5 benefits he and his wife, Bethany, experienced firsthand.
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
____________
This is Dustin and I am the guy behind EngagedMarriage.com. A couple years ago, I shared our family’s story of how we paid off $54,500 in debt and the response was overwhelmingly positive.
I heard from a lot of people who were in the process of shedding their debt (or at least wanted to get started).
However, the reasons that I heard for becoming debt-free were mostly focused on the usual, more material motivations. It seems that most people dream of paying off their debts to reclaim more freedom in their financial life.
The idea of getting creditors off their back and having more of their income to save or buy things to improve their quality of life was very appealing.
Honestly, that was a big part of why my wife and I decided we wanted to become debt free, and we achieved that goal (other than our home mortgage) five years ago.
I think the purely financial benefits are pretty clear and widely written about. Instead, I want to share with you some of the awesome marriage benefits that a debt-free lifestyle provides.
While they weren’t our original motivation, our experiences in these areas have really grown our passion for getting (and staying) debt free.
5 FANTASTIC BENEFITS OF A DEBT-FREE MARRIAGE
1. Contentment
A funny thing happens when you get control of your money – you cling to it less. With financial freedom comes a renewed focus on the things that really matter in life. And when your values are in the right place, you depend much less on “stuff” and the false happiness that comes with it.
2. Communication
If you are married and you want to make substantial changes to your financial situation, you will need to talk…a lot. The process of getting out of debt will require a real intimacy with your spouse and a deepening of the trust between you. The spirit of teamwork you develop on your financial journey together carries over to other areas of your marriage as well.
3. Courage
If you have a lot of debt to pay off and/or you are already on a tight budget, achieving debt freedom will be a significant accomplishment. When you meet a major goal, it fuels your faith in yourself and your ability to work alongside your spouse. And it fills your relationship with the courage to face any challenge.
4. Change (for your whole family)
When you decide to shed your payments, you are breaking a cycle that most of us have witnessed throughout our lives, and you are setting a new example for your own kids. With a solid financial plan, you’ll actually have resources available to help with your children’s future, retire with dignity and have the freedom of time to spend more with your family.
Personally, the best benefit that we’ve experienced since paying off our consumer debt is an increased ability and desire to give. When we are generous with the gifts we’ve been given, we can change not only our own family tree but a little piece of the world as well.
5. Comfort
I will be the first to say that money doesn’t solve all of your challenges, and no one should expect that debt freedom somehow brings instant happiness. However, we certainly do sleep a little better at night knowing that we owe no one (other than our mortgage company ) and we have a healthy emergency fund in the bank. This feeling of security and comfort is what financial peace is all about.
Debt Freedom Sounds Great, But How?
There are many great resources available to learn the mechanics of getting out of debt. For us, like Fawn and her husband, it was Dave Ramsey’s Baby Steps alongside a solid budget that provided the game plan we needed. I would encourage anyone interested in paying off debt and building a solid financial plan to pick up Dave Ramsey’s very popular book the Total Money Makeover.
Establishing a game plan and garnering motivation from these resources is great. However, I have to say that we have discovered the real key to becoming and remaining debt free: mindset.
You have to believe that it is possible. And you have to want it. Bad.
Read the five benefits above again, and talk to your spouse about them. If you have debt, take some time to discuss what would be different in your life if you paid everything off. Only you can decide if financial freedom and going against cultural norms is worth it for your family.
How bad do YOU want it?
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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us August 19th for our next Marriage Mondays!
Top 60 Marriage Quotes on the Web
Several years ago, I began compiling a list of the best marriage quotes on the web.
There is just something about being reminded by others of how wonderful marriage is that I find so beautiful.
I’d love to know your favorite marriage quotes (leave them in the comment section below), and I thought I’d share with you mine.
So here goes! The top 60 marriage quotes on the web (at least of those I’ve uncovered so far):
“We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It’s called love.” -Gene Perret
“There is no greater risk than matrimony. But there is nothing happier than a happy marriage.” -Former British Prime Minister, Benjamin Disraeli
“Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. Its the way you love your partner every day.” -Barbara De Angelis
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” -Dave Meurer
“The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.” -Robert C. Dodds
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” -Mignon McLaughlin
“Marriage: Love is the reason. Lifelong friendship is the gift. Kindness is the cause. Til’ death do us part is the length.” -Fawn Weaver
“When there is love in a marriage, there is harmony in the home; when there is harmony in the home, there is contentment in the community; when there is contentment in the community, there is prosperity in the nation; when there is prosperity in the nation, there is peace in the world.” -Chinese Proverb
“Being in a long marriage is a little bit like that nice cup of coffee every morning – I might have it every day, but I still enjoy it.” -Stephen Gaines
“A good marriage is each for the other and two against the world.” -Robert Brault
“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” -Barnett R. Brickner
“The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.” -Peter De Vries
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” -Simone Signoret
“Marriage provides the solace of worked-on friendship and the joy of being known profoundly.” -Imogene Stubbs
“A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.” -Andre Maurois
“Married couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking.” -Chinese Proverb
“A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.” -Anne Taylor Flemming
“The sum which two married people owe to one another is defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” -Tom Mullen
“There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.” -Ronald Reagan
“Marriage is our society’s most pro-child institution. If you want kids to do well, then you want marriage to do well.” -David Blankenhorn
“The happy State of Matrimony is, undoubtedly, the surest and most lasting Foundation of Comfort and Love . . . the Cause of all good Order in the World, and what alone preserves it from the utmost Confusion.” -Benjamin Franklin
“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent, unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting.” -George Eliot
“Marriage has the power to set the course of your life as a whole. If your marriage is strong, even if all the circumstances in your life around you are filled with trouble and weakness, it won’t matter. You will be able to move out into the world in strength.” -Timothy Keller
“To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.” -Marnie Reed Crowell
“Once we figured out that we could not change each other, we became free to celebrate ourselves as we are.” -H. Dean Rutherford (in a letter to his wife on their 59th wedding anniversary)
“A successful marriage isn’t the union of two perfect people. It’s that of two imperfect people who have learned the value of forgiveness and grace.” -Darlene Schacht
“In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.” -Anne S Swetchine
“A good marriage at age 50 predicted positive aging at 80. But, surprisingly, low cholesterol levels did not.” -George Valliant, MD, Harvard Medical School
“Marriage is like a fine wine, if tended properly, it just gets better with age.” –Unknown
“Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage.” -Finnish Proverb
“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” -Judith Viorst
“I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else when, of course, you have to be someone more.” -Candice Bergen
“Marriage: If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.” - F. Burton Howard
“Excitement and fire are not qualities inherent to relationships they are what happen when two people make marriage the number one priority.” -Michele Weiner-Davis
“A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendship, all the enjoyment of sense and reason – and indeed all the sweets of life.” -Joseph Addison
“Marriages, like a garden, take time to grow. But the harvest is rich unto those who patiently and tenderly care for the ground.” -Darlene Schacht
“A good marriage is a contest of generosity.” -Diane Sawyer
“The highest happiness on earth is the happiness of marriage.” -William Lyon Phelps
“The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make on your wedding day, and over and over again and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband…” -Barbara De Angelis
“Motto for the bride and groom: We are a work in progress with a lifetime contract.” -Phyllis Koss
“A good marriage is one in which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” -Pearl S. Buck
“There is nothing more admirable than two people who see eye-to-eye keeping house as man and wife, confounding their enemies, and delighting their friends.” –Homer
“A happy marriage is a selfless journey in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” -George & Yvonne Levy
“Marriage succeeds only as lifetime commitment with no escape clauses.” –Dr. James Dobson
“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.” - Amy Grant
“In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer.” -H. Norman Wright and Gary Oliver
“In every marriage, more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and to continue to find, grounds for marriage.” -Robert Anderson
“Two things are owed to truthfulness: lasting marriages and short friendships.” -Robert Brault
“You didn’t learn how to play an instrument well in one night. It will take time to learn how to “make music” with your spouse too.” -J & G Murphy
“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” -Doug Larson
“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” -Tom Mullen
“A great spouse loves you exact the way you are. An extraordinary spouse helps you grow; inspires you to be, do and give your very best.” -Fawn Weaver
“In the enriching of marriage, the big things are the little things. There must be constant appreciation for each other and thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. A couple must encourage and help each other grow. Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine” -James E. Faust
“Marriage does not guarantee you will be together forever, it’s only paper. It takes love, respect, trust, understanding, friendship and faith in your relationship to make it last.” –Unknown
“The most precious gift that marriage gave me was the constant impact of something very close and intimate, yet all the time unmistakably other, resistant – in a word, real.” -C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
“A good marriage is good for you. That isn’t just a platitude. Mounting research shows that it is the literal truth. When your marriage is healthy, your body and mind are healthier.” -Cliff Isaacson
“A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other guardian of his solitude.” -Rainer Maria Rilke
“Marriage is a commitment- a decision to do, all through life, that which will express your love for one’s spouse.” -Herman H. Kieval
QUESTION: What’s the best marriage quote you’ve ever heard?
Until Monday…make it a great weekend!
JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us September 16th for our next Marriage Mondays!
The Best Piece of Advice for Newlyweds – Ever
I learned something quite extraordinary as a newlywed. Something I wasn’t expecting in the least. You may have experienced this, as well.
Some people -even those with the best of intentions- give the absolute worst advice!
During the courtship phase, everyone asks questions like, “When is he going to propose?” ”Has he proposed yet?”
These and other questions like them can cause a bit of angst and make you feel as though you’re not moving fast enough.
Then you get engaged and everyone gives an endless amount of advice on the wedding.
Who knew so many people would have an opinion on your dress, wedding invitations, the bridal registry and table seating arrangements?
The great thing, however, is during this engagement period, most seem to speak positively about love, marriage and the joy you’ll experience after I do.
There is an optimism in the air and it feels oh so good.
Then something odd happens. The wedding day comes around, we pledge til’ death do us part, and head out into the real world hand-in-hand; excited about our new life together.
Within days, the advice begins pouring in and most of it is…dare I say…pretty doggone negative.
Everyone begins warning you about all the things that can possibly go wrong in marriage. The bubble of happiness surrounding you goes pop! just that fast.
More than any other point, when newly married women joining the club send me a note, they recount this exact same problem. They just want to hear someone say something good about marriage – anything…anyone.
Over the years, I’ve stopped giving advice. I prefer to be more of a learner than a teacher and have discovered what works for one person may not work for another. I absolutely love giving tips, suggestions, and encouraging wives to create their happily ever after. But advice? Not so much.
The one exception to my non-advice “rule” is this one piece of advice for newlyweds. I share it with every newly married person I meet. It’s the one thing I wish someone had told me in the beginning (and once someone finally did, it was like pouring rain on the Mohave Desert):
Only listen to advice from those whose marriages you’d like yours to emulate.
That’s it. The beauty of that one piece of advice is it’s universal. It gives a couple permission to disregard all negative advice and focus on all that is wonderful and positive about their new union.
I tell them, “Let the negative stuff go in one ear and out the other. But the positive stuff, allow that to go in, marinate, meditate, and never let it go.”
We’re not telling them to live in a bubble or to pretend everything in life will always be perfect. But we are encouraging them to seek out a couple (or many couples) in their family or community who have mastered the art of love and bring out the best in each other.
In that singular piece of advice, we’ve validated their belief that happy marriages do still exist, a lasting one is possible, and it can be theirs to have and to hold til’ death do them part. And really, when a couple is newly married, what else do they need to know?
QUESTION: Do you remember what was the best (or worst) advice you received as a newlywed?
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us September 16th for our next Marriage Mondays!
44 Reasons You Should Join the Happy Wives Club
Have you noticed we’re living in a reality television world that seems hell-bent on selling the same story: wives are miserable, husbands cheat, marriages usually end in divorce, and happily ever after only exists in fairy tales?
Well, that’s why we’re here. While the world remains fixated on all that can possibly go wrong in marriage, we remain squarely focused on all that can go right.
This club shines a bright light on one important (but often overlooked) truth: Happily ever after isn’t a fairy tale…it’s a choice.
What began in 2010 as a simple way to shine a light on the positive side of marriage has turned into a vibrant community of close to 200,000 women wanting to surround themselves with others who are like-minded.
We form friendships and encourage each other daily. If you’re not a part of our online community, make sure to join us here.
And if you’re happily married (or aspire to be) and haven’t joined the Club yet, what are you waiting for? You can do it in seconds right here. The world needs to know that wives like you exist. They need to know that the report of marriage’s demise has been grossly over exaggerated.
And if you need further convincing, here are 44 reasons you should join the Happy Wives Club:
- You love and adore your husband and he feels the same about you.
- You believe love and marriage still go hand-in-hand and want to share that with the world!
- You will be joining a community of nearly 200,000 women in over 100 countries around the world.
- You will finally have a place to talk openly about the beauty or marriage and how much you love your hubby without worrying about offending anyone or hurting anyone else’s feelings.
- This is a community that LOVES to hear you brag about your hubby! You’ll never hear a snarky comment in response when you gush about the awesomeness of your man.
- Your presence in this club signals to the world that the demise of marriage has been largely exaggerated and awesome husbands do still exist.
- You can invite your friends who are happily married (or desire to be) and create a local “Happy Wives Club” IRL (in real life).
- If you join our active community, You’ll be encouraged daily in your marriage.
- If you sign up for our free weekly newsletter, you’ll receive practical tips on taking your marriage from good to great and from great to extraordinary.
- To help encourage others that a happy marriage isn’t only possible, it’s within their reach.
- You’ll never, ever, see a negative post on this site. Where else can you be guaranteed that?
- You’ll be joining an upbeat community focused on all that is positive about marriage and life.
- You’ll always leave this site refreshed, renewed, ready to tackle the world…yet, another day.
- Membership is, of course, free. HAVE YOU JOINED YET? IF NOT, CLICK HERE TO JOIN.
- Awesome giveaways for you and your spouse to enjoy (like this all-expenses paid trip to Disneyland).
- You’ll get practical tips on boosting your sex life.
- You’ll get great advice from women happily married 20, 30, 40, even 50 years.
- Some of the most popular posts on marriage and relationships on the web can be found on this site (like this one), and if you’ll have instant access to them every time they’re published.
- Did you know our Health & Fitness section is managed by Olympian, Annett Davis? She gives awesome advice for getting our bodies right.
- Need awesome anniversary gift ideas on the cheap? We’ve got you covered with posts like this.
- Looking for frugal or free ways to celebrate your anniversary or your husband’s birthday? Yep, we have one of the most popular posts on the web dedicated to that too.
- Need to figure out innovative ways to keep dating your spouse while the kiddos are young? Not a problem. We’re great at that.
- Some of the best food bloggers on the web join us in our Food section and share awesome recipes they’ve tested with their own families.
- Need Date Night ideas? We’ve got you covered.
- Thinking about traveling with your family and want to know where to go and what to do? Yep, we’ve got you covered there too.
- You learn the benefits of Sexercise and this is something you definitely want to know. Yes, you!
- You’ll get fabulous tips on flirting with your hubby.
- You will get great financial tips from couples who have succeeded in creating a debt-free household.
- You’ll discover unique activities you can do, not only with your husband, but with other couples.
- Thinking about going into business with your spouse, we can think of tons of reasons why you should and will give you the encouragement to git-r-done.
- Need date nights on the cheap. How about some great ways to get that done? You’ll find that here too.
- You’ll learn the one thing every couple must know.
- Trying to figure out how to keep the romance alive after the baby is born? Oh yeah, you’ll find that here too.
- You’ll get practical tips on sex, like how to boost your libido.
- Infertility challenges? Well, we can’t help you with that but we will encourage you along your journey.
- During those moments when your marriage needs a little boost, we’ll show you how to do that in 10 minutes or less.
- On the days when you’re feeling down and your energy is low, we’ll give you tips for maintaining your happiness no matter what.
- Ever feel too tired for sex? We’ll give you 4 benefits for love making – for you!
- Meet new friends. You’ll really like our 30 fabulous contributors who write here and we all love our hubbies!
- You’ll quickly discover that by changing the conversation…you can help change the world.
If the above forty didn’t convince you to join the club, maybe nothing will. Except, perhaps, the following quotes that remind us of the absolute importance marriages staying together (and the happier, the better):
- “The effects of the decline of marriage on society are striking. The failure of parents to marry and stay married leads to more crime, poverty, mental health problems, welfare dependency, failed schools, blighted neighborhoods, bloated prisons, and higher rates of single parenting and divorce in the next generation. Nearly every major social problem has deep roots in the failure of adults to form and sustain healthy marriages.” -Bill Doherty, Director of Marriage and Family Therapy at University of Minnesota
- “You need only do three things in this country to avoid poverty – finish high school,
marry before having a child, and marry after the age of 20. Only 8 percent of the families
who do this are poor; 79 percent of those who fail to do this are poor.” -William Galston, former White House Administration - “The collapse of marriage is the principal cause of child poverty in the United States. . . Overall, some 80% of long-term child poverty in the United States is found among children from broken or never-formed families.” -Robert Rector, US Poverty Issues Expert
- “The United States Administration for Children and Families (ACF) spends $46 billion per year operating 65 different social programs. If one goes down the list of these programs… the need for each is either created or exacerbated by the breakup of families and marriages.” -Wade Horn, Psychologist and former US Assistant Secretary for Children and Families
So there’s my pitch! My goal when I set out on this journey was to find at least one million women around the world, proud to declare their love for their husbands. We’re one-fifth of the way there and if you’ll share the club’s mission with your friends and invite them to join the million member challenge, we’ll definitely get there.
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
Sharing the Love {Marriage Mondays Link-Up}
One of the things I love most about being a blogger dedicated solely to the beauty of love and the wonder of marriage is all those I’ve met along the way.
Women like you. Bloggers like those joining us today.
Every 3rd Monday of the month, we invite married bloggers from around the web to join us for our Marriage Mondays link up.
Sometimes the posts they spotlight will be about love and marriage. Other times, they’re about anything on their mind.
What is great is when you visit the sites of any of those linked up below, you know they are like you: Not Stepford. Not Desperate. But madly in love with their hubbies! And quite frankly, we all need to know women like that.
Click on any of the links below. Read the posts. Be encouraged. And don’t forget to encourage the blogger by posting a comment.
Although I usually publish a new post every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, this week I’ll be adding one extra day. So join me here tomorrow for a special post just for you. And as always, it’ll be all about love.
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us September 16th for our next Marriage Mondays!
8 Ways to Increase Your Marriage IQ
Did you know genetics only account for fifty percent of a person’s intelligence quotient (IQ)? The other fifty percent can be increased year after year through training and intentionality.
That got me thinking. What about a person’s marriage IQ?
When researching articles (like this one) on how to increase your IQ, I noticed they all gave similar suggestions. And almost all of those ideas could be applied to increasing the knowledge of one’s spouse and how to make marriage even better.
So let’s get to it! Here are 8 ways to increase your marriage IQ:
1. Begin Your Day Off Right. In marriage, it’s not the right breakfast that increases your IQ; it’s enjoying it together. Some aren’t big breakfast people (hubby and I certainly aren’t), don’t worry, you can have the same impact by beginning each day together with a cup of java or tea.
If mornings don’t work, try setting the time aside at the end of your day. Either way, what’s most important is this time together -daily- can help you stay in tune with your spouse and marriage.
2. Stay Fit & Keep Your Heart Healthy. Everyone repeat after me: “Endorphins!” These little neurotransmitters pass along signals from one neuron to the next.
Exercising (and sex!) release endorphins which help to lower stress, are natural pain killers, and give an instant boost to your happiness. There is absolutely no downside to staying fit and Sexercise will double the benefit.
3. Keep & Review a Daily Journal. Keeping a Why I Love My Husband list or creating a gratitude journal specific to your spouse will keep your spirits high, even when they’re thinking about taking you low.
If your hubby does something that disappoints you or hurts your feelings, just flip open the journal to what wonderful things you wrote about him the day before and be reminded to not the sweat the small stuff. You married an awesome person. You said so yourself…just hours earlier.
4. Take a Break. Which one among us doesn’t need a mental break; an intentional time of recharging our mental batteries. For my hubby and me, we set aside twenty-four hours each week when we do absolutely, positively no work. This has been our saving grace, especially, in our busier seasons. Initially, it might seem odd not working for an entire day. But I promise, your marriage will soon thank you.
5. Don’t Get Bored. Mindless surfing of channels and the internet is time that could be much better spent actually doing something (resting, by the way, is something). Rather than vegging out in front of a television, try whipping out the Scrabble board and going toe-to-toe in fun competition.
To increase your IQ, experts recommend a Rubik’s cube. To increase your marriage IQ, we recommend anything that will get you talking and enjoying one another often and intentionally. Here are some great ideas from SheKnows for this activity.
6. Life Long Learning. Whatever you do, never stop learning! Reading books on marriage (and then implementing the suggestions that relate to your own) is one of the fastest and most efficient ways to increase your marriage IQ.
Books like Dr. Kevin Leman’s Sheet Music (for sex), Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages (for communication) and Laura Doyle’s The Surrendered Wife (balance of power) have helped more marriages than I can count. I can’t tell you how many marriage books I’ve read over the years and each one has had a gem in it I could immediately apply to my own.
7. Meditation. If your brain goes from 0-to-60 in .05 seconds like mine, this is something that will be incredibly beneficial to you. Praying is a form of meditation. Laying or sitting still and clearing your mind is another. Deep inhales and exhales can be a form of meditation, as well.
The bottom line is it helps you -at any time- slow down your day. That reduction of stress can only increase the pleasure in the time you spend with your husband.
8. Find a Marriage Mentor. There is no greater way to learn how to take your marriage from good to great and from great to extraordinary than by surrounding yourself with others who have already walked the road you’re currently traveling. I previously wrote an entire post on the 5 reasons you should have a marriage mentor and highly recommend it.
As is the case with intelligence, increasing your marital IQ isn’t required in order to have a great marriage. But why not give it a try anyhow?
QUESTION: What other ways do you think one can increase their marriage IQ (intellect and knowledge of spouse and pleasure in their marriage)?
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
5 Great Ways to Start and Replenish a Date Night Fund
We’ve been talking alot about date nights (and date days 
) in our HWC community recently and there’s a reason for that.
Dating your spouse isn’t just great for staying connected and taking time out for yourselves, it sets your friendship on fire!
HWC Contributor, Carlie Kercheval -whose post on free and frugal ways to celebrate your anniversary is among our most popular article…ever- is back to share a nifty little trick to make date nights affordable.
Until Monday…make it a great weekend!
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Do you have a date night fund?
We do.
We didn’t always have one, but after our first two years of marriage, we decided it was a necessary tool to keep our marriage thriving. I would encourage you to start one today if you haven’t already.
Being a single income family with three children - we are careful to make every penny count.
Sound familiar?
Well, guess what? I am going to share 5 ways my husband and I keep our date night fund afloat.
1. Every month choose one thing to cut back on. For instance, many people I know buy coffee at fancy coffee shops. Nothing wrong with it, but what if you decided NOT to do that for one whole month and save the difference? Bingo! You’d have money in your date night fund! No need to carry it over to each month (unless you want to). But one this is for sure, this will help you see more areas of excess that are robbing you of your precious date nights!
2. If you shop online, use Ebates. This has been our #1 source of date night funds for the last 5 years! Basically you sign up and find your favorite online retailers on the Ebates website. You will click on the Ebates link and start earning cash back for your purchases. Best. Site. Ever. Because you can save so much money already by buying online, this sweetens the pot. Go to the Ebates site and check it out!
3. Only buy what you need. Sounds simple enough, right? Well I can tell you this: I find most people don’t follow this rule. They tend to buy a lot of “little” things or things simply because they are on sale - but if you resist the urge to buy into the consumers trap - you will see a large increase in your monthly bank account. This will mean different things for different people, so figure out the ways you can make this happen in your particular situation.
4. Use coupons whenever possible and save the difference on one or more of your trips. For instance, we’ll go for a weekly shopping trip, use our coupons and how ever much we save, we’ll put that into the date night fund. To save time I use FREE sites like CouponMom.com that give you coupons and deals by area including weekly store sales at many retailers.
5. Dedicate a percentage of your monthly income to your date night fund. Even if you can only afford to save 1% of your income each month, it will add up. Nothing is too small. Start where you are at and work with what you have.
Date night is so important in your marriage, so be sure to invest what you are able to keep it going!
I pray this list can help inspire you to start your very own date night fund. And if you already have one, I hope it sparks new ideas to keep it going.
Be sure to check out my last post for more ideas: 25 Free & Frugal Ways To Celebrate Your Anniversary (can be used for creative date nights too!).
After reading these, there is no way you won’t be inspired to get out on a date with your man! Enjoy!
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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
MARRIAGE MONDAYS Link Up Party: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us August 19th for our next Marriage Mondays!
Discover Your Spouse’s Language of Apology
When I read this post by our fabulous HWC contributor, Lori Ferguson, the first thing I thought was, “Wow!”
For me, the language of apology is a brand new discovery. If the concept is new to you as well, I promise, you are in for a real treat today.
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
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Do you ever “mess up”? Do you make mistakes – get it wrong – react without thinking – jump to conclusions – overreact – explode – forget or behave thoughtlessly?
Yup. Me too.
What do you do when saying “I’m sorry” isn’t enough?
I imagine we all find ourselves in that spot where we need to apologize for various issues in life. Marriage may be filled with joy and laughter, fun and exhilaration, peace and rest, but it can also be sprinkled with hurt, misunderstandings, disappointments and angst.
It’s important to know how to apologize.
Some people are great with an apology. They’re able to put a smile back on their spouse’s face with little to no effort. Other couples don’t fair quite as well.
These couples might even avoid saying I’m sorry to their spouse because they think the next step is either frozen silence or a white-hot blast of words listing all past issues.
What’s missing?
Maybe you need to learn your spouse’s language of apology?
Why isn’t just saying you’re sorry enough? Our parents always made us say “I’m sorry” when we did something wrong, even if we weren’t sorry at all. What else needs to be said – or done?
Dr. Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas worked for more than two years researching why most apologies aren’t effective. (You might know Gary Chapman from his book “The Five Love Languages“.)
A few months ago I had the privilege of spending an evening with Jennifer Thomas talking about the book that grew from their research. The finished product is called “The Five Languages of Apology”, released in 2008, and then a re-write of the book this year with a new title, “When Sorry isn’t Enough.”
What are the 5 Languages of Apology?
While a person would probably respond best to one type of apology over another – because, after research Chapman & Thomas learned we all have a primary Apology Language – hearing more than one is also helpful. Here’s an overview of the 5 ways to express apology:
- Expressing regret – “I am sorry.”
- Accepting responsibility – “I was wrong.”
- Making restitution – “What can I do to make it right?”
- Genuinely Repenting – “I’ll try not to do that again.”
- Requesting forgiveness – “Will you please forgive me?”
So how do you know which “language” you or your husband needs to hear?
First, of course, I’d recommend reading the book. But until you can purchase it, there’s a nifty online 20-question assessment that will open your eyes to new ways to say “I’m sorry”. After doing the assessment you’ll receive a detailed explanation to help you understand the results.
Both Robert, my husband, and I took the assessment. It was insightful. My primary language of apology was to Genuinely Repent. I need to hear that when Robert messes up, he will try in every way possible, and in new ways, not to repeat what he’s done. His primary language of apology was Expressing Regret – for me to let him know I truly feel sorry for causing him pain, and take responsibility.
A Step Further
In addition to the conceptual, this assessment adds in suggestions. For example – within the explanation of using Robert’s Language of apology (Expressing Regret) is the suggestion of to best communicate:
“The “Expressing Regret” Apology Language speaks most clearly when the person offering the apology reflects sincerity not only verbally, but also through body language. Unflinching eye contact and a gentle, but firm touch are two ways that body language can underscore sincerity.”
I love practical suggestions.
What about you?
Taking this assessment has provided a real source of conversation for Robert and me – we weren’t fully one “language” – we had scores that included a few of the other Apology Languages. Interestingly, my score had a “0″ for Robert’s primary apology language. And he had a low score for my primary apology language. So when I express how sorry I am for messing up, I will rarely just express regret – I’m more likely to give reasons and solutions for how I won’t do it again. I might miss letting him know how deeply I feel, because I’m busy expressing “I’m sorry” in my own way.
I encourage you to try the assessment – and invite your spouse to do the same!
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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
MARRIAGE MONDAYS Link Up Party: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us August 19th for our next Marriage Mondays!
How to Make Date Nights Happen When You’re Parents: Kid Swap!!
When I posted The Fun Dare: 12 Dates in 12 Days challenge on Wednesday, many parents were discouraged; it’s as if they were missing out on all the fun.
Even when I suggested modifying most of the dates to stay-at-home, and spreading the 12 dates out over 12 consecutive weeks, some still couldn’t wrap their brain around how this could be done with children.
I didn’t have the solution until our fabulous Health & Fitness editor, US Olympian Annett Davis, posted a comment saying exactly how she and her husband of sixteen years were going to pull this off.
I immediately sent her a text and asked if she’d share their brilliant practice with you. Get ready…this is gooooood.
Until Monday…make it a great weekend!
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I know what you are thinking. I have kids, I can’t do one date night, let alone the 12 suggested in The Fun Dare! Think again. I’ve got two words for you…Kid Swap!!!
On a beautiful fall day 16 years ago I married the man of my dreams. We purposefully waited 5 years before trying to have children. Why? Because we wanted to enjoy each other every day, selfishly, without having to care for little ones.
Fast forward to today. We are actually more happily married than we were in the beginning, and now have two amazing children ages 12 and 7. Sure spontaneity went out the window the moment we had kids, but that didn’t mean our fun date nights had to go with it, and neither does yours.
What’s a couple to do?
Kid Swap 101
A couple of years ago we came up with a fabulous idea. We have a neighborhood full of amazing folks with kids around the same age as ours. Our kids have been playing together for years. One day it hit us. Why in the world were we forking out $30 or more per date night, just for the babysitter, when we could be babysitting each others kids, for free?!?!
Here’s how the kid swap works.
1. Find a friend or neighbor that you trust with your kids.
2. Pick a day and time that works best for both couples. It’s okay to have a daytime date. There’s no rule that says you have to go out after 7pm. Sometimes with little ones dates work better during the daytime so that it doesn’t interfere with their nighttime routine.
3. If your child has allergies, make sure you bring your own snacks to share. You can also take your children’s favorite toys, games, or movies to ensure a good time.
4. Make this a regular occurrence, not just a one time thing. In my case, my neighbor Ani takes our kids every Friday night so that my husband and I can go out. Then on Saturday night we take her kids. The children play games, watch movies, have snacks, they have a blast! What kid wouldn’t want two extended play dates with their friends every week?
We all know that date nights are extremely important. Not only are we kindling the flames of our relationship with our mates, but our children are learning something important too. When you go out on a date, your child sees how much you value each other. They see that your relationship with your mate is so great that you do lots of fun, cool, and amazing things together to keep it going.
What a marvelous example we set for our children. My daughter’s eyes light up, in a Disney Princess type of way, whenever I tell her that her father and I are going on a date. She wants me to dress up, and wear make-up for him. I love how excited she gets seeing us date. Doing a weekly kid swap makes this happen much more often than it used to, it has certainly made our marriage sizzle. We are going to use the kid swap to do The Fun Dare, and I hope you do too!
QUESTION: How do you make sure your date night happens? Tell us below!
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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
MARRIAGE MONDAYS Link Up Party: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us August 19th for our next Marriage Mondays!
The Fun Dare: 12 Dates in 12 Days
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I’d love to have a date night but just don’t have the time”? If you’ve uttered those words over the past four weeks I want to challenge you to The Fun Dare!
You can make up for all those date nights you haven’t had -in less than two weeks. The dates don’t have to be complicated and can all be at home. The important thing is you set aside the time to do it.
Don’t worry, we’ll supply the date ideas.
Think of this as The Twelve Days of Christmas with your fabulous spouse (minus the drummers drumming, pipers piping and the maids-a-milking) and open up a fabulous new date daily for 12 days.
The important thing with The Fun Dare is to block 12 consecutive days off your calendar (or one day a week for 12 weeks if the consecutive days just aren’t possible) and treat your spouse to the time of their life.
Are you ready to take on the challenge?
Here we go. Ready. Set. Date!
Day 1: Take Dance Lessons. Yes, you! Don’t go expecting to be on next season’s So You Think You Can Dance, but use this as a great kick off to your Fun Dare. It’s the perfect way to get up close and personal while burning some calories together!
Sign up at a local community center for free, find a nearby dance school, or my favorite: Type in “Learn to Dance” on YouTube and pick a video. From ballroom to hip hop to salsa, you can learn it all for free in the comfort of your own home.
Day 2: Create a Homemade Spa. The simplest, most relaxing date ever. And after your night of dancing, you might need it! Pick up some lightly scented candles (lavender is a good choice), a CD with tranquil music and a bit of oil for your couple massages. Fill the bathtub with warm water and bubbles and treat one another to a nice soak followed by a relaxing massage. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can try giving each other facials or scrubs. And if you’re really feeling generous, give each other manicures and pedicures.
Day 3: Play Librarian. It’s not Halloween so don’t go pulling out your “sexy librarian” costume. Drive to your local library and once inside, walk up and down the aisles looking for books that remind you of your school years. Bring as many back to the table and share with each other your various stories of why each book made an impression on you. Books, like music, have a funny way of sending us down memory lane. And your spouse will love learning even more about you.
Day 4: Exchange New Marriage Vows. There is something incredibly sacred about vowing to love one another til’ death do you part. And the many commitments between your first words and that final line are something worth celebrating. Sit across from each other and set the timer for 60 minutes. You can use a dictionary, the computer, and anything else that will inspire you to write the best vows. After they’re done, spend time reading it to one another and then toast with a glass of champagne (or apple cider).
Day 5: Build a Campfire in Your Backyard. One of my dear friends rented a home for more than 10 years and I’m convinced the reason she loved it there so much was the fire pit she built in the backyard. Don’t worry, the grass will grow back! But even more likely, you won’t want it to. Camille and her hubby built their own and I also found this great tutorial online by Debbie Graney.
Once you’re done, grab a couple chocolate bars, some graham crackers and marshmallows and celebrate all your hard work with freshly made S’mores. And if you happen to do this at night, don’t forget to look up. Stargazing together is about as romantic as romantic gets.
Day 6: Game Night Circa 1990. What board games were you playing 23 years ago? If you or your spouse are too young to remember, change the “circa” to any year you’d like. We know those board games exist somewhere. In the attic, maybe the closet or basement. Wherever they are, break them out and enjoy game night like you’re kids again. And if you’re up for it, try a sexy game night (definitely put the kids to bed for this one ).
Day 7: Get Fancy! Host a Wine and Cheese Night for Two. You would be amazed at the great wines being sold these days for less than $10 per bottle. Couple that with some delicious cheeses sold in the deli section of your local grocery store and you’re ready for an awesome date night at home. Don’t worry about buying one of the fancy trays to display the cheese, your chopping block will do do the trick.
Day 8: Become a Connoisseur. Pick something. Anything that interest you. And become a connoisseur. For Keith’s 39th birthday, we became of connoisseurs of…tamales! I looked up reviews for every place in the Los Angeles area that served tamales and then went to the eight with the best reviews. We even invited family to join us at a few of the stops. For 8 hours, we drove from north to south and east to west in search of the best tamales in town (and this is a big town).
Day 9: Don’t Stop Til’ You Drop. Find a coupon online (Living Social, Groupon, Amazon Local, etc) for a trendy new workout and jump right in. Spinning and power yoga combined (mine and hubby’s favorite), Crunch Fitness, indoor surfing, CrossFit – there’s never a shortage of the workout studios cropping up all over town. And if, by chance, you can’t find one with a discount coupon (or even better, a “try your first class free” offer), or if the kiddos make it tough to leave the house, find a workout video or instructional online that will make you sweat.
There’s nothing like panting with your partner after a good workout and barely mustering the energy to give each other a high five. Good times!
Day 10: Start a Home Improvement Project. What one thing in your home would you and your spouse both enjoy fixing up? Maybe paint a room a new color, build a bird house, create a couple’s collage, or stain the hardwood floors. Whatever you do, just remember the operative phrase here is “both enjoy.”
Day 11: Enjoy a Movie in the Open Air. Did you know there are still hundreds of drive-in theaters all around the US? Thank goodness, this style of movie watching didn’t die with Grease. Park your car, lean your seat back and enjoy a movie with you honey (popcorn fight and all). Need a stay-at-home version of this date? Pitch a tent in your living room, bring the television inside, and then snuggle under a blanket while watching your favorite movie on DVD.
Day 12: Check Something Off Your Bucket List. You and your spouse both have bucket lists, don’t you? Well, find something on there that’s doable for you both to do and help cross one thing off each of your bucket lists…together. I can’t think of a better way to end your Fun Dare than with helping one another fill one of your lifelong goals.
(MOMS: Have no fear, parent-friendly modifications can easily be made. And if you have young ones at home and need more ideas that allow you stay close to your little ones, try our Top 20 Stay-At-Home Date Night Ideas. Also, check out the comment below from Annett Davis who is doing a “date night kids swap” with her neighbor once a week so she and her husband can take the challenge.)
QUESTION: So tell us, are you going to take the challenge? What do you think will be your first date?
P.S. If you have an anniversary coming up, this is a FANTASTIC gift to give your husband. Begin your anniversary twelve days early and save your best date for last.
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
MARRIAGE MONDAYS Link Up Party: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us August 19th for our next Marriage Mondays!
5 Special Gifts for National Husband’s Day
On January 22, 2014, we sponsored an unofficial new holiday: National Husband’s Day. A special day set aside for the nearly 1 million women in the Happy Wives Club community to celebrate our husbands.
Initially, my hope was we’d be able to get a government official to proclaim the day on our behalf. Our team began working on that and quickly realized the many complications of getting a date named as a holiday officially. But who needs official?
National Peanut Butter Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays. No government official has yet to recognize that officially but that doesn’t stop me from indulging in a few more spoonfuls of that tasty stuff just at the mention of its national holiday.
So let’s celebrate our special day together!
To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.
1. Print this certificate. If you didn’t get a chance to print this off last year, you may still want to print it now to let your husband know you’re a proud member of this club and because of his love, you’ve sponsored this day honoring him. This is the original sponsorship certificate so it includes the original 2014 date. Here is one dated for 2015.
2. Customize this proclamation. If you printed the above certificate last year as one of the original sponsors of National Husband’s Day (or even if you didn’t), we’ve created a customizable proclamation for you to give your husband this year. Customize it. Print it out (legal size paper). Frame it. Then deliver to him a gift sure to make him proud. (If your computer doesn’t allow you to customize the PDF, print this one to handwrite his name and your name instead).
3. Print a customized Book of Love. This fantastic DIY coupon book from The Dating Divas is something sure to knock your husband’s socks off. Surprise him with this creative book that gives him all the things he wants most…one coupon at a time.
4. Write the perfect love letter. Have you ever written your husband a love letter? Not just a few words at the bottom of a card but actually write the card yourself? If not, today’s a pretty fantastic day to sharpen your writing skills. To make it easy, here are 7 ways to write the perfect love letter.
5. Spoil your spouse date night. There’s no better night than tonight to spoil your spouse. This date night is all about doing what your husband loves to do. No marital compromise here –this is his night!
Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.
THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.
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