Author Archives: Paola Deininger

About Paola Deininger

I'm a mother of two amazing kids and wife of 10 years to my best friend and soulmate. I'm a working mom trying to find balance between work and home. When I'm not busy working or home caring for my family, I'm a blogger at Blissfully Chaotic Life and a contributor at Happy Wives Club, an event planner and every once in a while hostess at the restaurant where my husband works. So to say my life is busy is a definite understatement. I live a hectic life, but I manage to find bliss in the chaos that surrounds me.

Which Battles Are Worth Fighting? (Two Questions You Should Always Ask Yourself First)

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“Pick your battles” is a phrase we’ve heard often in life.

Growing up a head-strong girl, my mother repeated this phrase over and over until it was drilled into me.

Although this is a great lesson that we should all try to incorporate in our daily lives just for the sake of living a more contently – it seems equally important to apply to married life.

“A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone.” -Richard Carlson

Marriage is the joining of two people – two people with different views. True, we may share some views and opinions, there’s always common ground in all relationships, but there’s also differences.

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” -Dave Meurer

If there weren’t we’d basically be married to ourselves and where’s the fun in that? But when these differences interfere with a relationship – is it always worth the fight?

Ten years of marriage has taught me a thing or two about picking my battles. My head-strong nature causes me to be down right stubborn at times. As it happens, I married a man who is just as head-strong and equally stubborn as me, so you can imagine we’ve butted heads on several occasions. It’s taken us years to realize how much of a toll these battles have taken on our marriage and how to better handle these situations.

Aside from love – compromise, patience and respect are the most essential elements to any successful marriage. It’s not easy letting go when something upsets or hurts you, but knowing when to stand your ground and when to let it go can ultimately lead to a more harmonious and content life for you and your spouse.

When it comes to picking my battles, I always ask myself these two things:

1. Is it worth the fight? Is this something I can just let go? If not, is it worth potentially altering a relationship if the wrong thing is said?

2. Is there an alternative way to voice my opinion? Just because something bothers me doesn’t mean I have to turn it into a battle. Take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. Sometimes just taking a moment to calm yourself brings light to a better way to handle the problem.

We’re not perfect and mistakes do happen. But following Richard Carlson’s advice will allow peace to reside in the home, even when there is a disagreement at hand.

Question: When faced with a conflict between you and your spouse, how do you determine if it’s worth the battle? (New: You can now post your response directly below, as well as on our Facebook community page).

Thank you, Paola, for this great reminder. It’s so easy to focus on what our partner does wrong rather than what he does right. Sometimes the battle is important, but as Richard Carlson reminds us in every one of his fabulous books, most of the time they’re not.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Top 10 Marriage Advice That Really Works

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It’s human nature to want to share our knowledge with those around us. Everyone seems to want to share their two cents about marital advice, whether it’s welcomed or unsolicited.

I’ve reached out to some of my favorite bloggers, closest friends and family members to see what advice they’ve received that has really had an impact over the course of their marriage.

“Marriage is not all about ‘What’s in it for me?’ If you feel that way, turn it around, and say, ‘What can I do for my spouse, without expecting back?’ Then do it. Advice I got from Sheila Wraye Gregoire that completely improved my marriage, from the first few days I tried it.” ~Gina Badalaty, Mom Blog

“You can’t change people. The things your husband does while you’re dating that irritate you are still going to irritate you twenty years later. People can change, but YOU can’t change them.” ~Nicole Quier, One Punky Mama

“You are not going to agree on everything but you can disagree fairly. Discuss one topic at a time and do not over-inflate your frustration by bringing other issues into the conversation.” ~Jessica Cohen, Found The Marbles

“Don’t argue about money because when the argument is over you are still broke.” ~Courtney Slazinik, Click It Up A Notch

“Always continue to do what you did to get them.” ~Sharon Moskowitz

“Stop and think if it will be a big deal in a few days, weeks, months, or years before you pick a fight about it.” ~Elaine Dahle

“Marriage is about knowing your spouses buttons and choosing not to push them.” ~Gevenieve Blair

“Let your spouse have his/her own hobbies that do not include you. Even though you
love each other, everyone needs a little break to be themselves for a bit.” Cindy Dudas, Whatever Works

“Decide if you want your spouse to do something – or do something YOUR WAY. . .because
once you try to correct them, you may find yourself doing it yourself.” Hillary Hoch Chybinski, My Scraps

“Things get crazy quick so make sure to set aside some time to just talk, nothing else
in the background…just talk. Communicating is key.” Lauryn Blakesley, The Vintage Mom

For our honeymoon, my husband and I took a cruise to Bermuda and somehow we got roped into participating in the ship’s “Newlywed/Not-So-Newlywed” game show. It was one of the greatest – and most embarrassing – experiences of my life.

The following day we ran into an older couple on the ferry. The woman was holding tight to her husband’s hand as she gave me the best advice. “Fall in love with your husband every day. It keeps your love interesting and at the forefront of your relationship.”

I wish I could thank her now. I remember those words every day and ten years later I’m still falling in love with my husband over and over again.

Question: What advice has someone given you that has helped you in your relationship/marriage? (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click through the Comments button below)

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Impromptu Date Night

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Some of the best date nights are the ones that are unplanned, unexpected. Somehow all the pieces seem to fall into place on their own. These impromptu date nights are, in some cases, the most memorable ones. It doesn’t take much for these impromptu dates to come together – the kids miraculously went to bed early or at their actual bed time, your spouse got home early from work, or someone gave you a gift card to your favorite restaurant and your sitter happens to be available to take the kids for the evening. Whatever the case may be, these moments need to be cherished and appreciated.

This past week seemed to be filled with unexpected and impromptu date nights for my husband and I. Somehow the kids were in their own beds fast asleep before 9:30 and we had some time to spend together as a couple before going to bed. We cracked open a couple bottles of wine, found a movie to watch and just enjoyed each other’s company. With two little ones running around, planning a night out isn’t always easy for us, so taking whatever little moment like this is priceless.

Normally, I’m all about planning out our date nights because it gives me something to look forward to, even day dream about. But let’s face it, life sometimes gets in the way especially when you add kids to the mix. Getting that one-on-one time with your spouse is essential to a successful marriage. As time goes by, we change, we evolve.

When my husband and I first got married, we went out on dates all the time without even having to think about it but after our daughter was born they became more infrequent and less important. We put our time with her above our time together. In return, we grew apart and because almost like strangers to each other. It took some time, and many planned and impromptu date nights for us to reconnect.

Although we can’t always follow through on our planned nights out, we make the most of the impromptu date night moments. Any chance we get to spend even a few undisturbed moments together to focus on each other is cherish. I challenge you all to make the most of the little moments, the unexpected time together and make it an impromptu date night.

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