On my way to Dallas today, I sat on the plane next to a lovely woman, married twenty-three years.

We immediately struck up a conversation and at the forefront, of course, was the Happy Wives Club.

I told her about my new book and how I traveled to 12 countries and 6 continents, interviewing couples married at least as long as she and her husband, to deduce the common denominator among the happiest ones.

As you can imagine, she then had a ton of questions.

She wanted to know as much as possible about what I’d discovered during my travels.

She then posed a marriage-related scenario and wanted to know my thoughts based on what I’d learned.  ”When major stresses happen, how did the couples you interviewed handle that?  What did they do differently?”

Teaming up and becoming a formidable foe of the challenge rather than allowing the problem to turn them against one another was the answer.  

But it wasn’t just that.  It was also a particular outlook.

So if you remember nothing else, here is the one thing to remember about your husband: 

“The best time to love with your whole heart is always now, in this moment, because no breath beyond the current is promised.”

I shared with her how my husband and I, in ten years, have always concluded our phone calls with “I love you” and never walk out of the house without telling the other how much they are loved.

Yes, we’re corny and incredibly mushy (and when I shared an office space with several other women years ago, it drove them a bit batty) but we also recognize the present moment is all we have.  

In Monday’s post, I posed the question: “What positive thing do you ‘know for sure’ about marriage?”  This was the heartfelt response from a reader, Kristen:

“I lost my husband to cancer almost 2 years ago. We had a great marriage with all the ups and downs but with lots of love, laughter and hope for the future. I can say that you have to truly cherish your life together because there may be a day that comes when you are apart and you will want to be proud of your marriage and how you treated your spouse. I meet fellow widows/widowers that are haunted by their regrets and it is very difficult for them to recover and live life again.

“Wake up every morning, take an inventory of your life and be thankful for what you have. And tell your spouse that. Tell your spouse frequently that you love him/her. Tell him/her how much you love your life together. Tell your spouse how much you appreciate them. I think sometimes we forget that part and get caught up in life. One of the most basic human needs is to know that we are appreciated, special and loved- who better than to reaffirm that than your spouse?”

You can weather every one of life’s storms…as long as you stick together and love fully each moment of every day.  I’m striving to have a regret-free marriage.  What about you?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Media tycoon and Super Soul Sunday host, Oprah Winfrey, has a column in her magazine called “What I Know for Sure,” something that began on her popular daytime talk show years ago.

I remember the first time I heard her mention, “What I know for sure,” and thinking, “That’s a pretty cool concept,” and wondering what it is I know for sure.

After spending the past three years researching the topic of happiness and what it takes to create and cultivate a happy marriage, there are a few things I can say with complete certainty.

There are consistencies in the habits of every happily married couple I’ve interviewed from Winnipeg to Capetown to Auckland and that each would attest to as being reflective in their marriage.

In the end, I do not consider myself an expert.  I do my darndest not to offer advice.  I am, however, a lifelong learner; a studious listener.  

In my observations and studying of happily married couples (including my own), here are 5 things I ‘know for sure’ about marriage:

1. Effort and consistency are not an option.  The happiest couples I’ve interacted with over the years, more than I can even count, all have this in common.

2. Friendship is essential. For a lot of married couples, as they began their life together, their personalities and various traits start off pretty far apart (hand raised in the air here).  Then over time, the distance between their various differences begin to shrink.  True friends accept each other’s differences and love you into becoming your best self.  This is why friendship is something marriages cannot flourish without.  

3. Laughter is paramount.  Crack a joke.  Any joke, any time a day, and just laugh together.  Don’t take yourself too seriously. Those happily married can joke about each other’s shortcomings, quirks and idiosyncrasies without getting offended. 

4. Happiness is not based on external circumstances.  Contrary to popular belief, scientists and psychologists have long proven that genuine happiness is not based on external circumstances.  Genuine happiness is something that must be cultivated.  Making a moment-by-moment decision to see the glass as half full is not by luck or coincidence; it is by choice.  

5. Teamwork makes the marriage work.  A mantra often quoted in the corporate and sports worlds is teamwork makes the dream work.  What I’ve discovered in my own life, and the lives of the countless couples I’ve interviewed, is this is even more true when it comes to marriage.

Question: What positive thing do you ‘know for sure’ about marriage?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

If there is anything we, as women, seem to need more of each day it’s time.  

More minutes, more hours, more days to get everything done.

As the wife to one heck of a man, I want him to know every moment of every day how much I love and adore him.  I don’t want him to ever feel as though he’s playing second fiddle to my work or various passions in life.

So how do I do this, while ensuring everything important on my to-do list for the day gets checked off?  Incrementally.

Little things throughout the day.  Pauses where there’s nothing else on my mind but that fabulous man of mine.  

These ideas aren’t earth shattering or life altering, but they are a way to let your hubby know how much he means to you, no matter how busy your day may become.

5 Unique Ways to Make Your Man Feel Special in 5 Minutes or Less

Walk Away From the Computer, Pick Up the Phone.  Whether you work from home, an office or are a stay-at-home mom, I don’t know of one woman who doesn’t spend hours on the computer each day.  

Be intentional about walking away from the computer, closing your laptop, and pick up the phone to check in and ask how his day is going.  The important thing about this phone call is for your attention to be 100-percent on him.  Attentive and interested.  You’d be surprised how your voice in the middle of the day can give him an immediate boost.

Pocket Gratitude Note.  What area of his clothes is he bound to check at least once throughout his day?  His back pant pocket, wallet, shirt pocket?  Spend a few minutes thinking about something he recently did that caused you to feel grateful, and then write it in a small note and pack it in one of his pockets.  Let him know how much he is appreciated.

Pick Up His Favorite Treat.  The next time you are at the store, don’t just pick up what is on your list.  What is his “guilty pleasure” you can find in the grocery store aisle?  Sweet or savory?  Whatever it is, pick it up and then have it waiting for him when he arrives home (or when you walk through the door).

Reach Out to His Family to Say Hello.  If you’re not already close to his family, this will mean even more (and you may want to check out this post on building a better relationship with your in-laws).  

If you’re like most, you rarely see or talk to your in-laws unless your spouse is around.  But there is something about reaching out to them and then casually mentioning it to your husband later.  ”Hey Babe, guess what your Mom did today?  She took her first yoga class.”  Well, maybe that won’t be what she did but you get the point.  Showing interest in his family signals that they mean as much to you as they do to him.

Give Him a Quickie.  Hmmmm…where is your mind with this one?!  Go online and watch a quick tutorial on giving the perfect neck or foot massage (YouTube has tons of tutorials) and then practice what you learn on your husband.  The key to this is the tutorial because he’ll feel like he has his own personal masseuse (and really, what masseuse will ever be as good as you!).

QUESTION: What other suggestions do you have that can be added to this list? 

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Prior to marrying, my husband and I went through a twelve-week premarital counseling course with a psychologist whose main focus was marriage.  

Best. Money. Spent. Ever.

We covered every topic under the sun, ranging from finances to children to our pasts and everything in between.  

In our ten years together since that time, I can honestly say there is nothing we’ve encountered that we hadn’t already discussed a “what if” for during those 12 weeks.

At least, that was is the statement I made a couple weeks ago and Keith quickly corrected me.  ”There was an incident with my Mom…and that wasn’t expected.”

Yikes!  I’d forgotten all about that.  Yes, his mother and I are very similar in alot of ways but incredibly different in others.  And when Keith and I were first married, one of those differences caused a momentary rift.

Thankfully, for the both of us, Keith was wise enough to know the best way to bridge the divide and we quickly came to understand how the differences in our personalities and the way we handle certain things could adversely impact our relationship.   

What I discovered during that time, and have continued to learn over the years, was our love for that man of mine (her son) should always take precedence.  And I truly love and adore her too.

Over the weekend, I posted this graphic in our Facebook community that simply read, “To my mother-in-law, thank you for raising the love of my life.”  It was “liked” more than 15,000 times and shared almost as many.

That got me to thinking, I bet the women of this club have some great tips for building a relationship with your in-laws.  So this morning, I posed the question, “If you get along well with your in-laws, what would you say has been the key to building that relationship?”  

More than 500 people responded and provided us with some great tips.  If I could quickly sum up what seemed to make the most difference it was B.RA.W.L: Boundaries, Respect, Acceptance, Willingness and Love.

So instead of having a “brawl” with your in-laws, as so many unfortunately do, remember they are a part of what made your wonderful spouse who they are and try this version [of brawling] instead:

Common Courtesy Can Go a Long Way. “My experience was difficult at first. But, when I realized that they didn’t dislike me, they just would miss their son, it all changed. Respect, honesty and common courtesy goes a long way. Eventually, the F.E.A.R (false evidence appearing real) goes away, guards are dropped and you realize you’re now an extended family – not a discontinuation of one.” -Jenny Campbell

Seek Advice Without Accusation. “Understand that they have loved your spouse much longer than you. Never put them in a position where they have to defend their child. Seek advice without accusations. Celebrate them for their support and encouragement of your spouse.” -Frances Siple

Extend Grace. “…the key to our relationship is respect and grace.” -Melissa Stratton Sanchez

Treat Them As Family. I have always looked at my in-laws like they’re my blood and it has made it so much easier to get along.  We have all worked hard to make it important to us, though. It’s not always easy, but it has to matter enough to you to keep on working on it! -Laurina Rose Hendrickson

Be True to Who You Are. “Being yourself. Eventually it will work out. If you try to be something/someone you’re not, it will only cause everyone problems down the line.” -Karen Royalty Smith 

Have Your Spouse Resolve Conflict.  “When there is conflict between me and whomever, I talk it over with my husband and he talks to them. For one, they’re his family and he knows how to talk to them, and for two it takes him out of the middle – he doesn’t have to choose between me and them, he helps to resolve any conflict instead of letting one build.” -Tresa Koester 

Give it Time. Realize relationships take TIME to build. One or even several large scale fights do not mean you cannot have a relationship. You may be very different people and it takes TIME to look at the world from another person’s viewpoint with love. Don’t give up. Always be kind. Give it time. -Tristan Roszkowski 

Accentuate the Positive. “I love my mother-in-law. I think it helps to try to accentuate the positive. She is loving, giving, and incredibly kind. Of course, there are quirks that irritate me now and again, but in those moments, I try to remind myself that she is only doing what she thinks is best based off of her experience.” -Brittany Nielson 

Include Them. Including them in all aspects of our lives, calling several times a week and including them on our family vacations with the kids. We WANT our children to have amazing memories of their grandparents. One day, WE will be the grandparents and would love the same respect. -Lori Ann Kennelly

Do Not Differentiate. “We never differentiate between “YOUR family” or “MY family”. It’s always OUR family from the day we were married. We love and respect each others parents and they love and respect us. We laugh, love and support each other as much as we can.” -Barbara Rocco Adams

Let Them Out of The Box. “For me, it has been to let them out of the little box I thought they were supposed to fit in. To be patient. To love and accept them as they are! I think I expected them to be like my family, and they are not. And that’s ok. It’s great, actually! They’re awesome!” -Stacy Smith Bishop

Remember Who They Are. “Remembering they raised and love the person you love and enjoy their company.” -Jeanine Parrish Giuliano

Remove Pride. “Love! Not being so prideful myself that I ignore their wisdom and love. They truly love me as their daughter and I love them as parents. Love never fails!” -Molinda Bailey

They Are Not the Enemy. “Mutual respect, not looking at your mother in law like she is an “enemy”, set healthy boundaries early on, communicate well, and a hug truly goes a long way.” -Alaina Marie

Know Your Roles. “Respect. Knowing each person’s role in their partner’s lives. A lot of times it can verge on who is SIGNIFICANT in their lives still? Each party has a different love type and level. When both parties respect that…then you have peace and harmony.” -June Robinson

Protect Your Words. “Prayer, self-assessment, forgiveness, always be humble and protect your own words, they become a part of your life and last forever.” -Melissa Dyer
Respect Their Position. “Respect their positions as parents (and grandparents, if apply)….Always be honest….Show constant love and gratitude for raising a wonderful child!” -Sheryl Taylor

Build a Friendship. “Love them, I mean really love them. Build a friendship with them and include them in your life, not just in areas where your spouse is involved but in all areas. Pray for God to connect your families together also.” -Vycki South 

Have No Expectations. “Having their grandchildren, having no great expectations & just letting go of criticism – they see it as trying to help – believing the intention is good.” -Sara Litzkow Wax

Let Go of Grudges. “Be honest but respectful at the same time. Let go of grudges. Be patient. Have fun together! Communicate! Laugh! Share stories!” -Lesley Michelle Callahan Rogers

Don’t Put on a Show. “My relationship with my mother-in-law is separate from my relationship with my husband. I spend time alone with her…I don’t say negative things to her about him…and I act like me. I never put on a show for her.” -Angela Swartz

Bring Presumptions to the Surface. “Communication. Period. It was rough in the beginning but once I cleared the air by bringing all the presumptions to the surface, it’s been awesome ever since — and that was 13 years ago.” -Carlie Kercheval

Find a Respectful Approach. “If they raised the man of your dreams treat them as they are the reason he exists. Vent to your honey first, if something bothers you, to come up with the most respectful approach to not only them but your honey – respect them as HIS parents but love them as your own.” -Kristyn Johnson

Take Initiative. “Take initiative with them, don’t ignore them and wait for them to do so. Invite them for dinner, help your husband shop/buy gifts for them, etc. Include them in your good news! Help make them feel special and an important part of your life.” -Emily Reese

It’s a Package Deal. “Always put in mind/heart that tt’s a package deal. Love your In-laws as much as you love your husband no matter what.” -Shirley Topang

QUESTION: If you have a good relationship with your in-laws, what has been your secret to success? 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say there are some of you whose husbands are like mine.  

Those who are loving, compassionate, kind, gentle  and constantly giving.  But who at times, especially after a challenging day, want nothing more than to feel how much they are loved.  

It took me a little while to figure this out but feeling loved and hearing ”I love you” are two very different things.  And some men (well, most men) have days when they -as John Gray so wonderfully put it- need to go into their cave.

Men are wired differently and it took me several years of marriage to truly appreciate to what extent.  But they are also very similar to us in many ways.  

Although some may never say, “I need to be held right now,” or “my ego is fragile at this moment,” those feelings are no less real just because they aren’t verbalized.

There are times when your husband needs an empathetic sounding board; an ear to listen.  And there are times when momentary silence will give him an even greater comfort.  An ability to be alone with his thoughts and yet still know he’s not alone.

There are many ways to say ‘I love you’ without saying a word.  Here are the eight I use most often: 

Massage his neck and shoulders.  Most of us carry stress in our neck, back, and shoulders.  I’m not a pro so I stick to the areas easiest for me to massage.  Once he’s taken a seat on the couch or in a chair, I’ll stealthily come behind him and gently begin massaging his neck and shoulders.  This tells him, “I’m here for you,” and allows me to be nearby until such time as he feels like talking about whatever difficulty he experienced that day.

Short kiss behind his ear.  This one goes hand in hand with the neck and shoulder massage.  I’m not sure what it is about that area near the ear, but it relaxes my hubby almost instantaneously.  If I give him a small peck behind the ear and see him close his eyes or a glimpse of a smile, I know it’s relaxing him and so I’ll also kiss his earlobe, neck, cheek, etcetera.

Stroke the back of his head.  Now, I don’t know if this works the same for those with long hair.  My husband has kept a bald (or low shaven) head the entire 10 years we’ve been married.  Stroking his head, in the direction his hair grows (I’m careful not to go against the grain as that feels odd to him), calms him tremendously and, again, reminds him I’m right by his side.

Intertwine your fingers with his.  There is never a bad time to hold hands.  The hubs and I probably hold hands when we’re alone even more than we do in public.  Holding hands isn’t just for when you’re out and walking around.  Intertwining your fingers with his while riding in the car, relaxing on the couch or sitting at the table, is an ever present reminder that you’re there for him, especially in his greatest times of need.

Pour a glass of [fill in the blank] and take it to him.  My husband loves a great Sauvignon Cabernet so grabbing two glasses and bringing one over to him allows us to do two things: 1) Raise our glasses together to remind us of how grateful we are for this life; and 2) Gives us both a chance to relax together (and I can think of few things more relaxing than a smooth glass of Cab).  For your hubby, it might be tea or some other drink that is soothing. All that matters is it’s whatever he enjoys sipping the most.

Spoon him.  I must admit, spooning is one of my absolute favorite things to do (if the hubs reads today’s post, this is the point in which he’ll say, “you can say that again!”).  As is the case with most women, we’re usually the inside spoon.  But sometimes being the outside spoon is the one thing that will help him fall asleep and rest peacefully throughout the night.

Resist the temptation to give the answer.  Have you seen this hilarious video about the woman with the nail in her forehead and her significant other trying to give her what seems like obvious advice?  Well, this goes both ways.  Sometimes we’re the ones who want to “fix” the problem and the only thing our spouse needs is a listening (and empathetic) ear.

Do something he’d least expect.  Is there something he’d love but absolutely wouldn’t expect you to do?  For instance, I’m the worst when it comes to washing my car.  It’s just never been important to me.  But Keith loves both of our cars to be clean.  So one day, without him knowing, I took his car to be washed and filled it with gas and then returned home and picked up my car and did the same.  Something so small meant to much because it was truly the last thing he’d expect from me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Love this time each month!  If this is your first time joining us, it’s super simple.  

I want to introduce you to some awesome bloggers who write positively about love, marriage and family.  

If you’re a blogger, include some of your best posts from the past month below.  

It’s not required but it would be great if you’d also include the Marriage Mondays button on your post so people know how to find this awesome link-up party.

Don’t forget to stop by the sites of a few fellow bloggers.  They, like you, will be so grateful.  And I’ll also do my best to get to your site over the next few days.

If you’re a blog hopper, you’re in for a treat.  Some of the bloggers that link up here once a month for our Marriage Mondays are my absolute favorite on the web.  

You’ll learn nifty ideas for date nights, surprising your hubby, celebrating your anniversary, and so many other great things.

Look for a title you like below and click through to read that post.  Real life stories of love, marriage and family.  It’s a beautiful thing for sure.

So if you’re ready, let’s get this Marriage Mondays link up party started!

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

<a href='http://www.happywivesclub.com/staging/'><img src="http://www.happywivesclub.com/staging/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/MarriageMondays-175.jpg" alt="Happy Wives Club"/></a>

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us October 21st for our next Marriage Mondays!

I can’t tell you the number of times I have seen this quote: “Happy Wife = Happy Life.”  And my husband will be the first to testify to its truth. (Cue the amen choir!)  

If this statement is indeed true, what does that say about the flip side of that coin?

Does an unhappy wife equal unhappy lives all around her?  

An even better question may be this: If a previously unhappy wife becomes a happy wife, will her household change for the better?  

And if the answer to that question is yes, then we as women may not be giving ourselves enough credit. We’ve clearly got a whole lotta power! 

For many, they look to external circumstances for happiness.  That’s a part of the reason I love Shawn Achor’s book, The Happiness Advantage (and his accompanying TEDx talk) so much.

Achor uses science to show why its a person’s mindset -rather than what’s going on externally- that actually determines their happiness.

What many have long believed to be true about the origin of happiness, Achor and psychologists like Martin Seligman have now proven:  Happiness comes from the inside not from without.

It was with this thought that I began searching through HappyWivesClub.com for the 21-day challenge many of us participated in last year.

Several times over the past couple months, I’ve had women stumble across a few posts related to that challenge and ask if there’s an eBook where it’s all gathered.  They’ve written inquiring about getting the entire series in one place. Well, there’s no eBook and I don’t foresee one any time soon. But I was able to pull it all together.

So to those who wrote asking for this, I promised I’d do it. And although it took me a little while (sorry about that…sometimes life moves at a pace that outruns my lackluster attempts to keep up), it is all in one place (here and down below) and on one Pinterest Board (click here).

You can choose to read one per day or just skip to the areas most helpful in your current season. We all have differing seasons in life, and for this season, I’ve had way too many cookies and desserts so I’m going back to read Day 2 and Day 3 – right now.

On the final day of the original 21-day challenge, I wrote:

“Before this series, you may have seen happiness as something temporary; an emotion based upon external circumstances. At the very least, I hope you’’ve now been convinced otherwise. Life is about choices. And happiness is no exception. It is a choice. Your choice. So why not choose it today?”

So today, I pose the same question.  If there’s any area of your life that needs a little “happiness tweaking,” peruse the topics below and jump on in!

Intro: 21 Days to a Happier You!

Day 1: It’s Time to Get it Together

Day 2: 5 Easy Ways to Jumpstart Your Diet

Day 3: Exercise Your Way to a New You

Day 4: Celebrate Little Victories Every Day

Day 5: Road to Happiness

Day 6: Give Yourself a Break

Day 7: Pursue Your Passion

Day 8: Building Better Relationships (For Your Own Health)

Day 9: Igniting Happiness All Around You

Day 10: Top 5 Reasons to Love the Unlovable

Day 11: Gaining the Upper Hand in the In-Law Relationship

Day 12: Become the Happiest Family on the Block

Day 13: Release Your Expectation of Perfection

Day 14: Quickly Boost the Happiness in Your Marriage

Day 15: The Happiness Triangle

Day 16: Seeing the World Through a Prism of Faith

Day 17: Is Faith in God Important for Lasting Happiness?

Day 18: God + You + Your Spouse = Happy Marriage?

Day 19: It Takes More Than God to be Happy

Day 20: Receive Joy.  Choose Happiness.

Day 21: A Happier You. Today.

QUESTION: Have you ever taken on a 21, 28, 31-day challenge?  If so, which one and how did you enjoy it?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us September 16th for our next Marriage Mondays!

Rest assure, rumors of the demise of marriage have been greatly exaggerated.  

Would you like to know how I know?  Why I am absolutely, positively certain?

You.

Me.

The Happy Wives Club.

This community of close to 200,000 in 110 countries around the world tells me marriage is alive and well.  

Think about it.  

How many other things do you know of where people from so many different cultures, backgrounds, religions, political beliefs, etcetera all see eye to eye?  

And yet, we all wholeheartedly agree about two things: 1. Marriage Rocks! 2. So do our hubbies.

One of the things I love most about this community is there is no religious agenda.  No political affiliation.  We share one thing universally: Love.

You may not know this (although many of you do) but I founded this club as an antithesis to what we see in common culture.  

Movies like the Stepford Wives and television shows like Desperate Housewives, the Real Housewives of (coming to a town near you), and others like it have shaped the way the world sees us.

There is this misperception that all wives are miserable, most husbands cheat, and marriage is just another word for the “old ball and chain.”  Who really knows when this less than positive view of marriage began, why it began and when it will stop.  But this we do know.  We can change the perception of marriage, not only in America, but around the world.  And we can do it spotlighting one happy marriage at a time.

It was with this desire that I reached out to an amazing husband and wife filmmaking duo in Seattle, Washington and asked them to create something we could all share on our various social networks to show the world happy marriages do still exists.

I wanted something that would encourage those new in marriage that their union could -and will- last a lifetime if they put in the effort to make it happen.

My heart’s desire was for it to be something women like you and I could stand up and cheer for, proclaiming: I am a happy wife!  A visual storytelling of what love looks like thirty years from I Do.  I think you’ll agree that was achieved.

A loving marriage is a beautiful thing.  I know it.  You know it.  Now, let’s let the world know it.  As the short one minute video says: Share your love.  Share your passion.  Show the world happy marriages exist.

Hollywood has given us their version of marriage.  Now, let’s give them ours. 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us September 16th for our next Marriage Mondays!

I discovered something yesterday. Well, really I rediscovered it.

Our members give fantastic marriage advice!

Yesterday, in our Facebook community, I posed two simple questions: Have you been married more than 10 years? If so, will you share something here to encourage those newer to marriage?

Within hours, more than 600 people responded. Women seasoned in marriage shared their perspectives, tips, advice and encouraged those in their first 10 years of marriage.

Those in the early years of their union reciprocated overwhelmingly with gratitude to the women who had just fanned their flames of hope.

It was a beautiful exchange to be sure.

While reading through them, I found myself pumping my fist in the air like I was at a ball game yelling, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

I knew almost immediately, those encouragements needed to also be shared here, with you.

And although the below advice isn’t any better than the hundreds of others on our community page (I certainly wouldn’t attempt to rank them), I could only post a few here so I hope you’ll click the link at the bottom to see the rest.

Without further ado, here are 50 proven tips for making your marriage last :

1. Celebrated 26 years this past May. Married my high school sweetheart. The lessons are in the journey. Grace, forgiveness, tenacity, love, faith, honesty, compassion and the flat refusal to ever give up on each other or your marriage. My husband brings me a bouquet of flowers on the first of each month, to start our month right (his words). It is a simple gesture that I look forward to as do our daughters. Love is in the simple, small gestures each day. Grateful to be here in this part of our trek, as it gets better with the passing of the years; if you have cultivated and communicated….it grows to be stronger than steel and your respite from all else. -Julie Hernandez
    
2. I have been married 36 years, got married real young and still happy and in love. My advice is DON’T give up, work on your problems and talk to each other. -Sandra Baillargeon-Sheridan
    
3. Married 44 years. We married when we were 18 years old as my husband returned as a soldier from a tour of duty in the Vietnam war. The best way to have a good marriage is to Learn how to “JUST BE” together without the “expectation” that your partner is to entertain you when you are bored. Spouses who have a good sense of themselves and know how to be content by themselves and keep themselves busy are the happiest. They have the healthiest marriages BECAUSE they are not clingy, needy, so high maintenance..that they expect their partners to “MAKE” them happy..ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! -Judith Redman Kirk
    
4. I’ve been married for 25 years… I’ve learned to pick my battles and never go to bed angry, stay up till 4am if necessary talking things through….. Or just forgive and forget! Marriage is a commitment to that person that has been and will be the witness of your life! Cherish it because you never know how long you’ll have each other!! -LD Rocio Wagner
    
5. Married 21 years! My motto for our marriage is we are not perfect just perfect for each other. Be best friends. Never say the word divorce. Wake up everyday looking for something to thank him for. Tell him every chance you get how sexy you think he is. Never leave each other without saying I love you. Talk to each other don’t yell. Remember when the world is against you, he is for you. And enjoy the ride! -Michelle Hicks Kerwood
    
6. I got married at 18. They all said it wouldn’t last. In October, it will be 36 years!! My advice: Always go the extra mile, give more than you receive. -Susie Ruhl
    
7. We’ve been married 35 yrs. Always let each other know how important you are to each other. We never part without a kiss and we value all of our time together. Let him know that he is your best friend and talk, talk and talk….men are not psychic. Is it easy? Not always. Is it worth it? You betcha! -Dovie Punneo
    
8. Don’t give up when you hit a bump. Work it through. Too many people throw away a perfectly good relationship because, in a moment of anger or even boredom, they think they don’t love each other any more. It’s seldom that bad! Keep going. (21 years and just getting started) -Jacquie Bate
    
9. Any marriage is one toxic friendship away from falling apart. Closely guard who you allow into your lives. -Anna Smith Bankston
    
10. My husband and I have been married 37 years, He is my best friend. We have one thing in common “divorce is not an option.” Life is what you make it. -Debra Finlay Smith
     
11. Embrace the downs. That sounds negative but it isn’t. Although there will be plenty of ups there will be plenty of downs. Hold hands and be determined to walk through them together, never losing sight that you are each other’s. It’s easier to stand the buffeting winds with each other. The other side of the down times are much sweeter because of that. I’m saying that just shy of 27 years. -La Turgeon
     
12. Married 26 years…never be too proud to admit when you’re wrong! We NEVER go to bed angry. -Shelly Golden
     
13. Twenty-one happy years of marriage has taught me that you should never sweat the little stuff. Let it go. Pick your battles so carefully that you almost never fight. Be happy every single day…you have found the love of your life! -Cheryl Hurley Kizner
     
14. Never try to change each other. Been married 23 years after a 3 month whirlwind courtship. He was 18 and I was 24. If you think you stay the same, think again. Accept each other and embrace the differences. Realize you will have problems but don’t be a part of this throwaway society. And yes, the honeymoon phase does end but the love changes into something more intense. Love is grand. -Melissa Adele Haggai
     
15. Hubs and I have been together for nearly 21 years and married for 15 of them. First secret is to think carefully about your value to your spouse; always assume that his intention is for whatever is in your best interest even if the intent somehow gets lost in the translation of his actions. 9 times out of 10, there is a misunderstanding that needs to be clarified rather than to assume that he’s too lazy, attempting to manipulate you, etc. Try first to understand his logic behind the choices he makes before going on the defensive. -Mindy Chemacki
     
16. Married 42 years today for us. One thing I finally learned and still working on is that I can’t change my hubby to my way of thinking. Nor should I expect him to think like me. I married him because he was totally opposite. Pray for your hubby and God will do what needs to be one either in him or you. Still the love of my life after all these years! -Linda Orosco
     
17. Married 16 years. Together almost 28 years. Remind yourself when you’re angry with your spouse, “My life will always be better with you than without you.” -Aimee Foster
     
18. I have been married 32 years. My advice is to always respect each other, even when you don’t agree -and believe me there will be plenty of times when you don’t!- accept each others differences, your strengths and weaknesses. Be supportive, Never Tear Each Other Down! The biggest thing is DON”T give up. There can be weeks, months and sometimes even years that aren’t the way you thought they would be. In the end, its about creating a place where each of you can be yourself, have the freedom to explore new things, and know that you are always safe and loved. Marriage is the most beautiful thing in the world, the greatest relationship anyone can ever hope to be blessed with! -Brenda Stantz
     
19. Was married 36 1/2 years…Make life about your mate..Laugh at your own mistakes…ask for forgiveness when need..never scream at each other..pray together daily an enjoy time with out being in each others pockets..No name calling other than complimented on beauty..always always give thanks for even the smallest they do for you..Saying I love you when you think it ….Life can snatch your love one away….but hold what you had in speaking your memories. -Shelly Homan Billington
     
20. I have been married for 23 years met my husband when I was 15. We’ve been together for 26 years. Best advice I can give anyone is pick your battles. Some fights aren’t even worth the discussion. P.S. And we never let anything get in our way.. (Money, family) we plan together.. And dream together! -Cara Williams Garcia
     
21. Marriage is not a 50%-50% give and take. It is 100%-100%…there are always days and times that each have nothing to give..the other one must then give 100% to make up the difference. Married 42 years and still in love. -Kathleen Somers
     
22. Married for 21 years been together for 27 years.. 6 great kids! I think what makes our marriage successful is that we are absolutely the best of friends.. We want to be around each other all the time.. We want to tell each other everything! We laugh together and hold each other up during the not so nice times. We respect each other and have understanding for each other. We hardly fight and when we do we are not afraid to say sorry. We try and do little things to show we still love each other. -Catharine Schneider-Parsons
     
23. On September 9th, we will celebrate 41 wonderful years. My advice, laugh together, play together and always, always talk things out! -Nikki Ada Slodysko
     
24. Married 36 years. We got married when I was 16 and he was 18. We have had great times, good times and bad times. Through it all, we have been there for each other. Tell each other daily that you love each other. Hold hands, listen to the other person….pray for your spouse daily. And most of all do date night each week. Doing things together when life is so busy help build a strong bond. Lastly, remember in sickness and health, let your love for each other shine through. God has blessed this union he will keep it strong. -Myrna Hernandez
     
25. A wife who sees her husband as one of the children has lost her perspective. Always try to see the man in your man if you want him to be your man. -Vickie Anders
     
26. Rolling down on 20 years. Accept that each of you are not perfect. Have an “our” thing…ours is going for long drives with no destination. -Denise Cox Lehosky
     
27. Married 17 years as of 8/24/2013. The most important thing is communication. We talk to each other about everything good or bad there are no secrets between us. If you can talk to each other about everything, then loving, respecting and caring for each other comes real easy. -Norma Proctor
     
28. Married 44 years last August 9th. Understand that there will be times when you may not like your husband but love him always. -Margarita Cordero
     
29. Been married 41 years. Still my best friend and soul mate. Never go to bed angry. Always treat your spouse as you want to be treated. Remember the grass is rarely greener on the other side of the fence. It it always easier to give up and leave. NOT!!! -Debi Newby
     
30. It’s 20 years for us! Don’t walk away, don’t give up, keep going, walking away isn’t an option! Don’t hold grudges, don’t be bitter. Talk things through, be open to change, be best friends, support each other, work together. Make time as a couple, date nights, weekend getaways…time alone is crucial. -Melody Malone James
     
31. Married 29 years and the answer for us is God, good communication (we talk about everything), and taking the word divorce completely off the table. Don’t give up when it gets tough, give grace and be quick to forgive. Always make the other a priority, don’t become complacent and take the other for granted. Keep the romance alive! -Cynthia Henderson
     
32. Been married for 22 years. No matter how angry you are don’t call your spouse bad names. They can break the good relationship you have. -Ruth Kinyanjui
     
33. Married 22 years….Always ask yourself how any action you take will affect your spouse….making sure that your spouse has committed to doing the same. Never assume that you know why the other just said something that hurt or angered you….make sure you ask directly what they meant by the words before you respond in anger or tears. You have to set your standards just as the spouse does on how you ARE to be treated…the rest is compromise and cuddling. -Rhonda Marshall Hudson
     
34. As a wife of nearly 23 years, I can honestly say that our marriage grows stronger, richer, and more satisfying each year because we constantly continue to work on it. We take time each day to talk. We date and romance one another. We are each other’s best friend. We keep God at the center of our marriage. We treat each other with kindness and respect. Happily Ever After does exist, you just have to work alongside your Prince Charming to make it happen. Good luck. It is well worth the effort-always. One last thing-love is an action, not just a feeling. Continue to love, even if you don’t feel “in love”. Those feelings will return if you just keep loving anyway! -Stephanie Scevers
     
35. Be Best Friends. Have mutual respect and any Good Marriage takes two good Forgivers. Married 21 years and I Love Him more every day. -Mona Whorton
     
36. I have been married for nearly 40 years. We will renew our wedding vows next March which I can’t wait for. We have been together for 45 years; dating for 5 years before we got married. Our marriage vows are sacred to us only death will part us! -Bonnie Elske
     
37. I’ve been married 23 years and feel it’s important to keep falling in love with your spouse. Don’t let the romance die. -Wendy Neff Tonga
     
38. Been married 24 years and happier than ever! Remember that God made men and women different for different purposes. He doesn’t think l like you do, and you don’t think like he does. Understand that concept and be patient during your differences. And always be ready to forgive as you would want to be forgiven. -Gayle Dodic Bogs
     
39. Married almost 27 years. The best advice comes from my father and this is to never stop dating. As usual, father knows best! -Karen Zappavigna Hoogland
     
40. 33 years married. Live, laugh and love. My husband is my best friend. We enjoy each other’s company so much and never forget to go out on dates. We give compliments to one another and never go to sleep angry. Marriage is a long journey so we ride on it happily and relaxed. I’m praying that we will grow old together…I love my man. -Susan Barrientos- Baldoz
     
41. It’s a full time job and it was worth it for me…I am married 25 years today. Three words to remember: Respect, Communication, Fidelity…it all starts there. -Linda Valerio Hayes
     
42. Been married 30 years: Treat each other the way you want to be treated. -Deanna Johnson
     
43. I’ve been married 38 years. We also run a family business together. My advice is: Learn to “let it go.” It’s going to be okay…even if you don’t get your way. Put it in perspective and realize there are others in the world that would love to trade for what you don’t even want. -Julie Golden Gross
     
44. I have been married 40 years this weekend. My advice is to be best friends, talk things over and don’t walk away at the first sign of trouble. Marriage should be for life. -Gillian Woolston
     
45. Talk to each other often. Spend time together & apart. Be truthful to each other. Keep the faith! Married 27 years! We just spent 26 days in an RV just us & we loved it! -Catherine Murry Matteucci
     
46. I am married 33 years and love my husband more with each passing day. The key is communication! He is my best friend. We are happiest when we are together. My happy place is with my husband. Best wishes to everyone. I also married when I was young and my husband is 10 years older than me. I can honestly say that I would marry the same man at the same age. I would change nothing! Oh I would also say, never take each other for granted. Always say thanks for the small things. Work on your marriage every day and again I say communicate! -Katie White
     
47. Almost 21 years for us. Commit to the statement: if its broken; fix it…don’t throw it away!! -Marcia Heflin Fleming
     
48. Married 27 years; together 32. You must be partners. Marriage is two contributions; never one taking. Always kiss goodnight and never argue over anything; it’s a waste of precious time. Compromise and understand you are different, that’s why you compliment one another. Laugh often. Share everything, even if you think the other won’t understand or it will hurt. Love is strength. -Sherry Beckwith
     
49. Been married almost 23 yrs (2 more weeks to our anniversary!). I think the best advice I have is “attitude.” Go into the marriage with the attitude that you WILL be together forever. WORK THINGS OUT with that goal in mind. If you keep the idea that “well, if this doesn’t work, I can just move on” then you don’t have the motivation to make things work. -Theresa McClure
     
50. It will be 21 yrs in January! Stick through the bad times. Be open and honest. Always try to make them feel special and tell them you love them all of the time. Have fun together! Encourage when they are down and rejoice in their happiness! Unconditional love! -Stacey Brown Treadwell
     

There are hundreds more on our community page so if you want more, definitely click on this direct link to the responses from those happily married for 10, 20, 30 and even 40-plus years. Oh, how I love this club.

QUESTION: What piece of advice here resonated most with you?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book line none other.

In 2008, motivated by the Great Recession (and a pretty excitable Nashville guy with the last name Ramsey), my husband and I became laser beam focused on paying off our debt.

At the time, we did it out of necessity.  The debt was beginning to feel like a cloud over our head ready to pour rain at any time.  

We took immediate action and five years later, I can tell you it was the best decision we ever made.

I can think of dozens of great reasons for paying off your debt.  But I’ll let the fabulous Dustin Riechmann share with you 5 benefits he and his wife, Bethany, experienced firsthand.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

____________

This is Dustin and I am the guy behind EngagedMarriage.com.  A couple years ago, I shared our family’s story of how we paid off $54,500 in debt and the response was overwhelmingly positive.

I heard from a lot of people who were in the process of shedding their debt (or at least wanted to get started).

However, the reasons that I heard for becoming debt-free were mostly focused on the usual, more material motivations.  It seems that most people dream of paying off their debts to reclaim more freedom in their financial life.

The idea of getting creditors off their back and having more of their income to save or buy things to improve their quality of life was very appealing. 

Honestly, that was a big part of why my wife and I decided we wanted to become debt free, and we achieved that goal (other than our home mortgage) five years ago.

I think the purely financial benefits are pretty clear and widely written about.  Instead, I want to share with you some of the awesome marriage benefits that a debt-free lifestyle provides. 

While they weren’t our original motivation, our experiences in these areas have really grown our passion for getting (and staying) debt free.

5 FANTASTIC BENEFITS OF A DEBT-FREE MARRIAGE

1. Contentment

A funny thing happens when you get control of your money – you cling to it less.  With financial freedom comes a renewed focus on the things that really matter in life.  And when your values are in the right place, you depend much less on “stuff” and the false happiness that comes with it.

2. Communication

If you are married and you want to make substantial changes to your financial situation, you will need to talk…a lot.  The process of getting out of debt will require a real intimacy with your spouse and a deepening of the trust between you.  The spirit of teamwork you develop on your financial journey together carries over to other areas of your marriage as well.

3. Courage

If you have a lot of debt to pay off and/or you are already on a tight budget, achieving debt freedom will be a significant accomplishment.  When you meet a major goal, it fuels your faith in yourself and your ability to work alongside your spouse.  And it fills your relationship with the courage to face any challenge. 

4. Change (for your whole family)

When you decide to shed your payments, you are breaking a cycle that most of us have witnessed throughout our lives, and you are setting a new example for your own kids.  With a solid financial plan, you’ll actually have resources available to help with your children’s future, retire with dignity and have the freedom of time to spend more with your family.

Personally, the best benefit that we’ve experienced since paying off our consumer debt is an increased ability and desire to give.  When we are generous with the gifts we’ve been given, we can change not only our own family tree but a little piece of the world as well.

5. Comfort

I will be the first to say that money doesn’t solve all of your challenges, and no one should expect that debt freedom somehow brings instant happiness.  However, we certainly do sleep a little better at night knowing that we owe no one (other than our mortgage company ) and we have a healthy emergency fund in the bank.  This feeling of security and comfort is what financial peace is all about.

Debt Freedom Sounds Great, But How?

There are many great resources available to learn the mechanics of getting out of debt.  For us, like Fawn and her husband, it was Dave Ramsey’s Baby Steps alongside a solid budget that provided the game plan we needed.  I would encourage anyone interested in paying off debt and building a solid financial plan to pick up Dave Ramsey’s very popular book the Total Money Makeover.

Establishing a game plan and garnering motivation from these resources is great.  However, I have to say that we have discovered the real key to becoming and remaining debt free: mindset.

You have to believe that it is possible.  And you have to want it.  Bad.

Read the five benefits above again, and talk to your spouse about them. If you have debt, take some time to discuss what would be different in your life if you paid everything off.  Only you can decide if financial freedom and going against cultural norms is worth it for your family.

How bad do YOU want it?

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

SAVE THE DATE: Bloggers, join us here every third Monday of the month for our fabulous link-up party! Join us August 19th for our next Marriage Mondays!