**Welcome to week two of this 12-week series based on the New York Times® bestselling book, Happy Wives Club. Join me here weekly as I share 12 principles about marriage I’ve learned from some of the happiest couples around the world.**

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I’m not a huge fan of controversy.  Some people thrive off of conflict.  After many years of operating that way, I found it far more effective to find a middle ground rather than insisting on one right opinion.  

Sometimes, I post things I don’t expect to be controversial in the least, like Friday’s post, which got many in our Facebook community pretty fired up.

This aversion to controversy is likely what has caused me to keep one major happy marriage secret…well, a secret.  At least, I’ve not broached the topic on here.  

The interesting thing about this “secret” or “happy marriage rule,” if you will, is I am yet to meet a couple -who have been happily married more than 25 years- that did not swear by the importance of it. 

So what is this marriage rule I shudder to mention?

Put your marriage first.  Then children.  Then all else.

“Do you think I’m a bad person for saying that?” I remember Sandy asking me as I was wrapping up my interview with her for my book.  She and her husband were married 53 years before he passed away.  

“Of course not,” I responded.  ”Every couple I’ve ever met, who have been happily married for decades all live by your same rule,” I assured her.

I don’t remember the first time I heard this “happy marriage rule,” but I can tell you, every happily married couple I’ve interviewed (and I tend to only interview those married for at least a quarter of a century) have all done this one thing.  It was paramount in creating and guarding the marriage of their dreams. 

There are at least 5 benefits of putting your marriage first:

1. If you have children, they will thrive.  Research has proven time and time again that parents who have a loving and stable relationship instill confidence and reinforce stability for their children.  The best thing you can do for your kids is to let them see, hear and experience firsthand that you and your spouse are still in love and the family -even if it is a blended one- will be together forever.

2. Creates a united front.  Whether facing challenging times, exciting opportunities, or establishing boundaries for your kids, this united front is important to everyone around you (especially the two of you).

3. Teaches your children what to look for when choosing a spouse.  Being a living example of the marriage you want for your own children teaches them at an early age what love looks like (and what it doesn’t).

4. Helps you to create the marriage of your dreams…until the very end.  Marriage is a gift.  It is an investment.  It requires consistency and effort.  But it can also get stale and become stagnant if we aren’t conscientious of renewing our efforts to connect with one another daily.

5. Allows you to enjoy the empty nest years.  Have you ever met a couple who, after the kids have moved out or the spouses have retired, had to get to know each other again?  This is one of the most difficult things to do after years of putting other things ahead of your marriage.

If you’d like a step-by-step on how to accomplish this in your own marriage, WedMD did a great article on 7 ways to put your marriage first, that shares not only the how but the research behind why this principle is so important.

YOUR TURN: For those of you already doing this, what other benefits have you experienced from putting your marriage first?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

**Welcome to week one of this 12-week series based on the New York Times® bestselling book, Happy Wives Club.  Join me here weekly as I share 12 principles about marriage I’ve learned from some of the happiest couples around the world.**

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I’m not quite sure where I was when I first had this realization.  Maybe it was in the Philippines after interviewing a couple who’d just celebrated their 50th anniversary.  

Perhaps it was in Perth, Australia following back-to-back interviews with two happily married couples who have both been in love longer than I’ve been alive.

Somewhere between Asia and the South Pacific, I had this huge aha moment.  

I’d traveled all over the world, to interview happily married couples before realizing they were all sharing one marriage secret I’d never heard about.  Quite frankly, I don’t even think most of them took note that they did it.

I thought, How is it possible that couples on 6 different continents were all doing this one thing, and yet, most couples married less than 20 years -including Keith and I- don’t even know about it?

Prior to getting married, I heard from many the importance of a weekly date night.  I bet you’ve heard that many times too.  And yes, that is hugely important whenever possible.  Yet, many of these happily married couples I interviewed didn’t go on weekly dates.  

However, what each of them did instead, I’ve come to believe to be an even better way to stay connected.

Every couple I’ve interviewed (happily married 25-plus years) -from North America to South America, Africa to Europe, Asia to Australia- has a daily ritual.  They make the time to do something together…each and every day.

Nothing fancy.  No getting dressed up or spending money at a restaurant.  No spending hours in the kitchen trying to cook the perfect meal or dusting off the china.  What these couples did were simple.  It had been a part of their marriages for so long, some didn’t even realize they had a daily ritual until I pointed it out to them.  It was simply a part of the fiber of their marriage.

Dot and Ken in Cape Town have been waking up every morning for more than twenty years and having what they called their “daily board meeting.”  Ken goes downstairs before dawn every morning and gets two cups of coffee.  Dot gets up and and opens the windows around their bedroom.  Then they both return to bed, backs against the headboard, and sip on their cups of coffee while watching the sun rise.  They  discuss their schedules for the day and anything else on their minds. 

They do this every morning.

Miriam and Efi have been enjoying port and appetizers together every night before dinner for decades.  A tradition they began in Israel and continued once they moved to the US.  While their three kids were growing up, they knew they’d be joined by mom and dad for dinner around the table but the pre-dinner part…they weren’t invited to that.  And like Dot and Ken, the purpose of this time was simply to connect.  To share what was going on in their collective worlds, at work, with the kids, with extended family and friends.  

Around the globe, I began hearing story after story of daily rituals from couples whose marriages were so beautiful I stood in awe.  A time set aside daily simply to connect with one another.  Nothing was off limits.  They shared each other’s dreams and life’s hopes.  Discovering how so many successful marriages from earlier generations include this made me wonder, How would my marriage improve if I added a daily ritual?  

After two years, I can tell you, it changes everything…for the better.  If this isn’t already a part of your marriage, I encourage you to make the time to add it.  It may mean going on a television fast during the week so you can go to sleep and wake up earlier.  It could mean figuring out a way to connect for a walk around the park daily at the end of your day.  

Before I knew about this marriage tip, Keith and I were completely in love and loved being married, but had also allowed our work schedules to dictate our lives.  We were often so exhausted at the end of the day, all we could do was collapse into each other’s arms.  But this marriage principle takes intentionality.  As the saying goes, “You will never drift together, you will only drift apart.”

Here are 3 things having a daily ritual in marriage can do for you:

1. Keeps you connected.  When you make a commitment to do something together, each and every day, for the express purpose of connecting, guess what happens?  You begin to connect on a level you never even knew possible.  Every hope and dream, you lay it out there.  And then you think of ways you can help each other achieve those dreams.  There are no rules to when, where or what you do for your daily ritual.  It’s completely up to you.  But putting aside at least 15 minutes a day (Keith and I wake up early so we can have 45 minutes at the top of the morning) will draw you closer to one another than you ever knew possible.  

2. Builds trust like nothing else.  When you begin the day talking about everything on your schedules that day or conclude it recapping everything that went on within it, there is no place in your head for those voices that enter so many, “I wonder what he’s doing?  Why hasn’t he called?”  When there is nothing left unsaid between you, trust pillars are added on top of the foundation of your marriage to build up the house your marriage has built.

3. Gives you a structured support system.  Knowing you have someone to talk to about anything, at a set time each day, gives you a feeling of comfort and support.  You’re never carrying anything around with you.  Keith and I always tease that our rug stays clean because we refuse to sweep anything under it.  We talk about everything, and I mean everything, and having this time set aside each day ensures we have the time to do just that.

YOUR TURN: Do you have a daily ritual?  And if you don’t, what do you think implementing one can do for your marriage?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

If you could take your marriage from good to great or from great to extraordinary in 12 weeks or less, would you invest the time?

Well, that’s what we’ll be doing beginning this Wednesday night.

Every week, I will post the most important marriage tips I’ve discovered since starting the Happy Wives Club with a series entitled, 12 Weeks to a Happier Marriage.  

For the past ten years, I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing (and spending thousands of hours with), some of the happiest couples in the world.  

The kind of couples who, after 25 years of marriage, still gaze into each other’s eyes, are visibly best friends, and are fond of saying, “please” and “thank you” to one another on a regular basis.

Just being in their presence made me want to pull out a pen and pad and write down everything they have to say.  Each word, like a rare jewel of immeasurable value, was worth me recording.

Earlier this year, when I released the story of my journey in the book, Happy Wives Club, I knew it would transform marriages in every country it reached.  

I was confident of this because I wasn’t giving my own advice on marriage but rather sharing that of those who have been successfully and happily married for decades longer than me.

Although I’d discovered so much, I didn’t want to write a “how to” manual.  This was important to me because I’m not a marriage expert; I’m an intentional learner.  

Each lesson I’ve learned along this journey, as well as so much more I’ve discovered in my own marriage and from other happily married couples over the years, has convinced me that every marriage can benefit from learning from other successful ones that have been at it much longer.

It is with this in mind that I’m excited to bring you this upcoming series.  Why 12 weeks instead of 12 days?  I realize more would likely join me for this series if it were for 12 days.  But it’s hard to sustain lasting change when you’ve only had one day to learn how to apply a new principle in your marriage before moving on to the next one.  That’s why I’ve broken it up into one principle per week.

Every Wednesday night, I will publish the marriage principle for that week and it will remain on the home page until Friday.  So “favorite” this post in your browser or save it to your Pinterest or Facebook walls to remind you to return every Wednesday night (or Thursday) for the next 12 weeks.

For our first post in the series, I’ll be sharing the one principle I’d never even heard about until I discovered EVERY happily married couple I’d interviewed had been doing it for decades.  I called Keith from the other side of the world and said, “We have to do this.  Let’s think of a great way to incorporate this into our own lives.”  Now, that we’ve continued it for the past two years, I don’t know how we ever lived without doing it.  You don’t want to miss this!

If you want to get a head start on some of what I’ll be sharing, or learn the behind the scenes stories of couples who taught these lessons, make sure to order a copy of Happy Wives Club.  But whether or not you have the book, I assure you, the next 12 weeks will transform your marriage if you commit to meet me here each week.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

A few weeks ago, I had breakfast with a wonderful friend.  Actually, it was a double date.  Keith and I on one side of the table with Carolyn and Bob on the other.  

As we sat across from one another, enjoying our eggs and toast, Carolyn began to share with us the amazing gifts she’d discovered since being diagnosed with nasopharyngeal cancer.

She’d already begun losing hearing in her left ear and learned from her doctor that, post surgery, all of her hearing in that ear would be lost.

“But so many great things have come from this,” she told us while smiling.  

She’d gone to church for the first time in many years.  She and Bob had grown close to several couples there and enjoying time with them brought a sense of comfort and community.

“She’s been talking to her sister,” Bob interjected.  ”They actually have a relationship again,” he said proudly.  ”I’m Carolyn’s ‘gift seeker’.  I look for the gifts in everything that’s going on to help her through this time of change.”

The moment he said that, I gave Keith’s leg -where my hand had been resting- a little bit of a squeeze.  ”I love that!  You’re her gift seeker.”  Then I immediately turned inward, as I usually do, and thought, Am I a gift seeker for Keith?

When he’s having a challenging day at work, can he always count on me to look for the gifts in it all?  Rather than trying to help him solve the problem or come up with a solution, why not make it my mission to look for the gifts in the situation to help turn his day around as quickly as possible?

As Bob continued listing many of the gifts they’d discovered throughout this trial, I realized, Carolyn was in the best place I’d ever known her to be and I’ve known her for close to 10 years.  Her spirit radiated gratefulness.  Her heart was at peace.  And she got there, in part, because Bob determined from the offset of her diagnoses that he would seek out -and find- every gift there was to be found in Carolyn’s life.  And he would continue to remind her of these things daily.

Could I call myself a “gift seeker” for Keith at that moment when I was inspecting my heart over breakfast that Saturday morning?  Maybe.  But I knew I wasn’t intentional about it.  I’m working on that now and if you ask me about this in a month, I hope to proudly declare, “Yes, I am my husband’s gift seeker!”

YOUR TURN: Are you a gift seeker for your husband?

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.

A few weeks ago, while in Minneapolis, I met a popular food blogger, Amanda Rettke.  

She was kind enough to join me for an event I hosted at the local Barnes & Noble.  While there, I searched for a copy of her recently released book, Surprise-Inside Cakes.

Now, if you know me, you know I do very little baking (unless you consider picking a dessert up from Whole Foods and popping it in my oven baking).  But her book cover really drew me in and made me want to try one of the unique recipes.

In looking at all the layers and the delicious icing on the cake, for some reason, my mind immediately went to marriage.

An odd combination, I know.  But I love serving this community so I look for great lessons in marriage just about everywhere I turn.  And if I’ve learned anything in my 10 years of marriage, and nearly 38 years of life, it’s that there is a lesson to be learned in everything.  

Here are the 5 discoveries Amanda made about her own marriage while writing her delicious book.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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When I wrote my recently released book, Surprise-Inside Cakes, I had no idea I’d really be the one in for a surprise.  Writing that book led me to 5 discoveries that made my marriage stronger.

Once you read my five discoveries, I challenge you to spend a couple minutes thinking about five discoveries of your own.  What are some of the things that have made your marriage stronger over the years?

1. We Are a Team:  It wasn’t always this way.  As a matter of fact, it used to be ‘my way or the highway’.  That (most obviously) got us into a really bad place and we eventually sought out help and support.  

One wise friend asked, “Are you two on the same page?“  Such a simple question that offered up some significant insight.  The answer was no.  But we wanted to be, and therefore we made the effort to be.

When the opportunity to write this book was presented it all happened very, very quickly.  Even though my book is about cakes, making cakes, decorating cakes, decorating the inside of cakes, sharing my love and passion for all things surprise-inside cakes… everything that my husband does NOT do, I could not have done it without him.  As a team we tackled the long nights of me working in the kitchen while he did bedtime routines.  As a team we figured out the financial sacrifices that had to be made.  And as a team we celebrated the first milestone.  (With cake of course.)

2. Leaning on Him Makes Me Stronger: This was one of the hardest lessons for me to learn, and honestly is one that I continue to struggle with. Crying into my husbands shoulder offered me no comfort, I was convinced he would see me as weak and pathetic.  But it is in his nature to want to protect me and shelter me.  He couldn’t always solve my problems, but he most certainly wanted to be given the opportunity to try.

3. Having a Mutual Value System is Key: At the end of the day, after all the trials and tribulations, we needed common ground.  For us it was our faith.  We both feel so strongly in who we want to be in this world, but yet have very, VERY different approaches in how to achieve that.  I am more in-your-face, while he is a quiet (but oh so effective) leader.  Having a mutual ground, or place where our visions intertwined reminded me of my purpose when I would veer off course.

4. Listening to Him is Beneficial:  When I was making the 20th cake in 5 days and it was 11pm, and I had been on my feet for 14 hours straight, and things were not turning out, I would often turn to my husband.  I would ask him “Why isn’t this cake working?” and of course he wouldn’t know.  But what he did know is that I needed someone to hear me.  That I needed someone to ask me questions.  That I needed his perspective on the whole.  Thinking through him helped me regain my vision.

5. Our Time Together is Precious:  Hearing a word like DEADLINE on a regular basis can often mean that time is focused on the task at hand.  Which also meant that time with my husband was put last on the list of priorities. The book needed to be written.  The pictures needed to be taken. The kids needed support or meals or to be driven places.  There was always a need, but simply being there for my husband wasn’t one of them.

But I was wrong, there IS ALWAYS a need to remain present in our love.

You have to MAKE time together and be intentional with your relationship. Even in the middle of deadlines and school functions.  Share a kiss and a grateful hug.  Make sure your spouse knows they are appreciated!  Even better, plan a date.  You would be surprised how refreshing a romantic date is in the midst of a trial!

I was reminded of a quote I heard in church.

“You will never drift together, you will only drift apart.”

Having the opportunity to share my passions with the world is truly a dream come true.  I wanted to spend time on it.  I treated it like a treasure! I am so grateful for my understanding and supportive husband throughout the entire process.

Looking back I now can see that every trial that arose in the process has brought my husband and I closer together.  And for that, I am so thankful!

I am so excited to share this book with the world, and so thankful that I get to do it with my husband by my side.

Please do head on over to amazon and check out the book, it’s available for Kindle (for 60% off!) and in hardcover!

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JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Yesterday, I sat balled up on the couch, nauseous, and wanting nothing more than to go to go to bed and remain there all day.

It was a tough day.

Hormones pumping through my body, a combination of Clomiphone and estrogen.  Our third fertility treatment would happen tomorrow so excitement abounded.  But first, I needed to get through the nausea of the day.

As always, there he stood.  My knight in shining armor.  My best friend in this life.  There he was to encourage me, to hold me in his arms.  To remind me that everything happens for a reason and although our journey to parenthood has been a long and windy road, it’s all been worth it.

We’ve grown from the challenge.  With every failed pregnancy test, we’ve reassured each other that if it is meant to be it will happen.

When we weren’t sure if having children on our own was possible, we decided to adopt.  When we met the pregnant mother of our soon-to-be adopted daughter, joy filled our hearts.  

Months later -after the baby’s room had been painted a beautiful shade of jasmine yellow, plush carpet we’d spent time rolling on in the store was installed, and the sturdy hand-me-down baby crib from our godson was brought- the child’s mom decided to keep her child at the last moment.  

We were stunned.

We all drove to San Diego -Keith, me and Keith’s parents- to go to the doctor with the woman who was carrying our soon-to-be adopted child.  We were excited to see the ultrasound of the baby we would soon be taking home.  Instead, we returned to Los Angeles with empty hearts, following a call from the agency to advice that the mom had decided to keep the baby.

It was her child to raise.  We respected her decision.  And then resumed our attempts of conceiving with the help of a fertility doctor.

Now, a couple of failed attempts later, I sit on the couch writing this post full of hope.  I am hopeful that the child I’ve longed to have for more than 16 years, has been conceived.  When the doctor looked at all the healthy eggs my ovaries released today (thanks to the added hormones), he assured us that we’ve got a great chance of a child coming alive in my stomach this month.

I don’t know what will happen.  I won’t know for several weeks if this fertility treatment worked.  What I do know is no matter what happens, Keith and I will just keep trying.  And while we’re trying, we will continue loving.

We’re a team.  Sometimes we win.  Sometimes we lose.  But whatever we do, whatever we experience, we do it together.  Every desire, every hope, every dream – they are ours to desire, hope and dream together.  And if we weren’t meant to have children -that is God’s decision to make not ours- we decided long ago that we would be perfectly happy with our family of two.

There are many wonderful things about marriage, but this remains my favorite: having a partner on this road called life.  This is, I believe, the greatest gift of marriage.  And although tough times may cause us to grapple with some loses, as long as we do it together, we will prevail in the end.

The journey is, at times, full of ups and downs, twists and turns, winding roads and potholes.  But we’re on this journey together.  We are a team.  We will win together.  We will lose together.  And in the end, if we can remain a team, we will be victorious.

If we can remember that two are better than one and a team in sync will always win, child or no child, we will succeed. In the end, for those who stay the course, you always win.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day! 

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE BOOK For other secrets of couples happily married, and how you can be too, make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I traveled to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to figure out what makes marriages happy.  It’s a marriage book line none other you’ve read before. I guarantee it.

The speed of my feet was no match for the flood of thoughts rushing through my mind. I walked quickly up and down the residential hills of our community.

“How dare he do that? After I opened my heart and our home so his parents could be comfortable, how could he be so thoughtless?”

Keith and I were in our early years of marriage and it had only been a few months since his parents moved in with us. When we extended the invitation, I made one very important request.  Please, no junk food in the house.

Ten years prior, I’d spent six months slowly losing 25-pounds and had maintained the loss.  One of the bedrocks of my weight-loss success was not keeping junk food in the house.

A few months into our new living arrangement, I woke up to the aroma of freshly baked pies and just about hit the roof.

The smell had been wafting through the air-conditioning vent of our bedroom for hours. After not being able to sleep because my sweets-loving body wouldn’t allow it, I finally got out of bed and went in the kitchen. 

To my dismay, Keith’s Mom was happily making homemade pies – lots of them.

I could feel the anger rising inside of me.

I returned to our bedroom, anger directed at Keith, “This isn’t right. It’s not right. I’ve done everything I can to make them comfortable…”  I was upset with him because I’d asked him to address the issue on an earlier occasion and he didn’t.

I knew if I stuck around for even two more minutes, I would be embarking upon the first argument ever with my loving husband. So I bolted.

I threw on my tennis shoes and decided to walk until all the angry voices in my head quieted down. For the first hour, those voices got louder and louder.

“You have every right to be mad!” one voice said. “You should call Keith and give him a piece of your mind!” another one jabbed.

What was going on at that moment was an example of what I like to refer to as the Law of Acceleration in Marriage.

In 2010, Toyota drivers began reporting incidents of their cars accelerating while they were pressing on the brakes.  One Toyota owner shared his story with a local paper.  For thirty miles, he swerved in and out of traffic, pounding on his brakes, at one point narrowly missing a big rig.

A police officer responding to the driver’s 9-1-1 call pulled up beside him and instructed him to hold down the brakes with his full might while engaging the emergency brake.  Finally, the car came to a halt.

What Toyota drivers were experiencing is what so often happens to us when our spouse hurts, disappoints, or makes us sad. Rather than sticking with the original emotion—that place of vulnerability—we allow the voices in our head to cause us to accelerate.  When we zoom ahead, we go from being hurt to angry, from disappointed to frustrated, and from sad to mad.

The day of the “junk food incident,” I knew if I didn’t get out of the house—right then, right there—I was going to lose control. So I kept walking.

I was gone for six hours (only stopping twice, once to leave a message for Keith letting him know where I’d gone and once at a diner to get something to eat). By the time I returned home, I’d completely silenced the voices and was able to share my hurt from a place of vulnerability.

We talked about it. I expressed why I was hurt. He expressed his difficulty in trying to make me happy while wanting his folks to feel comfortable in their new place.

Keith saw my side and I saw his. We decided not to say anything to his folks so they could continue feeling comfortable in their new home. Instead, we designated a “junk-food cabinet” and I simply stayed out of it.

In reading this, you might think I lost this battle. But I can assure you the outcome was completely worth the loss. The moment I returned from my walk, Keith’s eyes met mine, he pulled me into his arms, embraced me, and told me he was sorry.

In that moment, I understood firsthand the law of acceleration in marriage and how to put the brakes on my thoughts to ensure we could communicate heart-to-heart rather than head-to-head.  

Until Monday…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.

Several years ago, I came home for lunch in the middle of my work day and did something I’d never done before.  I sat on the couch and turned on the television.

I am a believer that all things happen for a reason. 

My usual departure from running around the kitchen, stuffing something into my mouth and then heading back to work was –I believe- so I could share this with you. 

On my television screen that day sat Rosie O’Donnell on the couch that made Oprah the “queen of talk.”  Attempting to make reparations to her image, Rosie talked about the huge fight between her and iconic journalist Barbara Walters, which resulted in O’Donnell leaving the Emmy-award-winning show The View.

Oprah asked, “Do you regret that moment?”

“Yes, I do,” O’Donnell responded. She said she regretted using her words as weapons and how her out-of-control rage “scared” Walters.

What O’Donnell said next confounded even the talk-show host herself: “For me, at that moment, if I had been braver, I would have just cried and said, ‘You really hurt my feelings.’”

Clearly dumbfounded, Oprah clapped her hands as if having one of her famous aha moments and said, “That is so interesting! That you would say, ‘If I had been braver, I would have just cried.’  Because oftentimes crying is perceived as the weak thing to do.”

She then asked O’Donnell why crying would have been braver than yelling and saying hurtful words.

“Because then you’re vulnerable. Then the authentic feeling that I had, [which] was pain and hurt and rejection [would have come out].”  Instead, as she told Oprah, she put on the same armor she’d chosen to protect her since she was a child.  She shielded her vulnerability, and masked her hurt feelings, with anger.

Consider the last time you were in an argument with your spouse. Hold that thought there for a brief moment, but don’t allow yourself to become angry all over again.  Now that you have the thought in your mind, let’s talk about it.

What was the exact thing that set you off? I’m talking about what you felt, not what you discussed. What was your original emotion in that moment? Was it hurt? Fear? Sadness? Disappointment? Insecurity?  What portion of your underbelly was exposed?

When we become angry enough to begin arguing, especially with someone we love as much as our spouse, we have allowed the original emotion—which would expose our vulnerability—to be covered up by a more aggressive, defensive response.

Rather than exposing the softer side of ourselves, we put up a shield and pull out our verbal sword and begin swinging. We swing left, we swing right, aimlessly out of control and missing the target every time. Yes, we may slice and dice the heart of our spouse, but we miss the mark because we’ve not dealt with the true emotion we’re feeling.

In 2010, I founded the Happy Wives Club with five women who all lived within a 20 mile radius of my home.   Now, just four years later, the club has grown to a community of over 750,000 women in more than 110 countries.

Each week, I write on the pages of the this blog.  I post encouraging words for you.  I share great tips from other happy wives and spend hours each day responding to emails from women around the world.

When writing my book, I traveled to 12 countries on 6 continents interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more to deduce the common denominators.  But never -not in the book or on my blog- have I shared this one marriage tip.  

I am open as a book when it comes to this community and yet there is one secret I have kept to myself for all these years.  And quite frankly, if I hadn’t accidentally let it slip in a recent interview with a writer from Babble, who then wrote a full page article on it, it would probably still be my little secret. 

Well, here goes… (Please don’t judge.)            

My husband, Keith, and I –in our nearly 11 years of marriage- have never argued.  Anyone who knows us can attest to us both being strong and independent people, but in all that time, I’ve never raised my voice at him and he’s never raised his at me.

We talk about everything.  And I mean everything.  We don’t suppress or repress our feelings and we never say things under our breath.  We don’t sweep anything under the rug.  If he does something I don’t like, I let him know it.  When I do something he’s not very fond of, you better believe he lets me know.  From an early age, I’ve always been a bit of a fire piston.  (I can hear my father in heaven saying, “Amen!”)  And Keith is the strongest man I know.

And yet, we’ve never argued.  How is that even possible?  It’s my difficulty in answering that question in a short blog post or article that has kept me from even attempting to try.  The short answer is this: 1) Mutual respect and 2) We stick to the original emotion.

We strive, every moment we are together, to remain vulnerable with one another.  Yes, that can feel strange at first, but I have to tell you, it feels amazing because we’ve never wasted time making up.  Now, of course that means we’ve never experienced “make-up sex” (which I hear can be pretty fantastic).  But then again, why not figure out a way to create that passion –inside and outside of the bed- without the preceding anger?

Most of us are taught from an early age that arguing is normal. Getting mad is how couples communicate when upset. We are shown how to guard our true feelings and emotions by protecting our hearts. We learn that it’s better to go on the offensive than to find ourselves exposed. The problem with all this in marriage is that learned behavior leads to blind conversations. You’re never really fighting about what it is you think you are fighting about.

Sticking with the original emotion—remaining in a place of vulnerability—is the crux of bypassing arguments and getting to the heart of a matter.  My husband and I didn’t learn our “love languages” (as wonderfully defined by Dr. Gary Chapman) until we’d been married nine years.  But it didn’t matter because our respect for one another was so great that everything we did and said was with love and the highest amount of honor.  

Mutual vulnerability and respect allows you both to lay it all out on the table. Your dreams, hopes, ambitions, fears, hurt … nothing is off-limits.

We can’t keep everything bottled inside. We all need to have that one person we can be completely honest with about our perceived failures, hurts, successes, and hopes. We need to have at least one person who will love and respect us unconditionally. Who better than the one who shares your bed at night to share your deepest desires also?

As Rosie O’Donnell reminded us all through her uncontrolled rage that fateful day in Barbara Walters’ dressing room: there is great wisdom in sticking with the original emotion, if we would just be brave enough to be vulnerable.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.

There has been a lot of talk lately about teen bullying, for good reason.  The increased suicide rates due to cyber bullying are alarming to say the least. 

But what happens when the person doing the bullying is a grown woman?  Didn’t realize that was happening?  It happens more often than you think.

In Monday’s post, Bronnie Ware shared with us the 5 regrets she’s heard most often from those in the final days of their lives.  

She spent several years caring for the dying in their homes and their number one regret?  ”I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”  

Last week, after writing an article entitled What is the Role of the 21^st Century Wife, I knew I’d get some interesting emails. 

I was, after all, suggesting couples choose for themselves what their roles should look like in their households and not allowing others to influence what they know to be right for them. 

What I didn’t expect, however, were women declaring my desire to continue working outside of the home after having children “disgusting” or emails like this one:

“Please DO NOT have a child if you don’t want to raise it. Why would you bring in someone to your life and then turn around and dump it on someone else to raise, minute and instill values in them? That is abandonment and neglect. NO ONE can love your child like you will. How dare you be so selfish?

“Why bother having a child if they are going to get shoved aside for your career…your career could have to change tomorrow if you became disabled in someway…yet that baby will ALWAYS depend on you as it’s mommy. You preach all this loving your husband crap, but toss the baby (that is formed in your body!) out because you don’t want to be inconvenienced. That disgusts me. 

“Feel judged? I don’t care. You hurting a child by abandoning them for someone else to raise sickens me.”

So if I understand this, my desire not to be a stay-at-home mom –which is supported and encouraged by my husband- is not only selfish but the equivalent of “dumping” my children?  I am not able to love my child infinitely, and care for them at the highest level, if I work outside of the home?

My baby sister Christy Joy, on the other hand, is a wonderful stay-at-home momma of three.  She’s living the life of her dreams.  Being a stay-at-home mom from the beginning was not only something her husband supported, but encouraged.  Yet, somehow, that was not enough for many of the women around her. 

At times, she’s been made to feel less than by women who’d determined being a stay-at-home mom was outdated.  Her decision was treated like she’d just single-handedly reversed all the strides we’ve made as women to be treated as equal.

But isn’t that equality at its best?  Having the ability to choose for yourself what you want out of life?

After Christy Joy’s third child, she began a thriving online fitness community, PregnantNotPowerless.com.  She wanted to contribute to the income of her household while not giving up on her dream of being a stay-at-home mom.

My sister and I are a lot alike in many areas, but in this area we’re different. She thrives off of being a stay-at-home mom and wife.  I thrive off of being a serial entrepreneur who dotes over her family nonstop.  Both of us told repeatedly by other women what is best for our families. 

The fortunate thing for both of us is we have always been strong in our conviction for what works in our household.  We decided early on that we owed explanations to no one.  God and family…then everything and everyone else.  We remain confident we are doing what is right…for our families.

So to the wives who have felt bullied: Stand your ground.  Make decisions based on your family and your faith alone.  The opinions of others (or their interpretation of fact) are just that.  They may be valuable, but only inasmuch as they line up with your own values.  If opinions thrown your way are contrary to what you and your husband have decided are best for your family, in one ear…out the other.

And to the wives who didn’t realize what you are doing is the equivalent of bullying: Grace to you.  Now, is a beautiful time to change.  With marriages falling faster than flies, wives around us don’t need wife bullies, they need our support.  They need to be built up; not torn down.

QUESTION: Have you ever felt bullied by other wives and/or moms?  If so, how did you handle it?  

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Early this morning, Keith opened his email inbox and the following article had been forwarded to him.  He immediately sent it to me and suggested I give it a read because it touched his soul.

From the moment I began reading the words of Australian author and songwriter, Bronnie Ware, I knew I wanted to share them with you.

I reached out to Bronnie with hope in my heart and she graciously agreed to allow me to post this article originally written on her site which was the basis for her best-selling book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed.

Since Bronnie released her book in Germany over a year ago, it has remained on its best sellers list every single week.  I’ve not read the book but based on how touched I have been by the article, I imagine the book would do just as much.

Without further ado, the article that widened the smile on Keith and my face this morning and reminded us that one of the best ways to live without regret is to not allow others to overly influence your family’s hopes, dreams or pursuit of happiness and to follow your own personal destiny.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

__________

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

QUESTION: When you think on your own marriage, what things are you doing to ensure you create a marriage and build a family without regret?

Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia who spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. Her full-length memoir, titled ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing‘, shares even more wisdom from dying people and how Bronnie’s own life was transformed through this learning. It is available worldwide, with translations in 27 languages. www.bronnieware.com

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“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”         -Robin Williams

Indeed it is.  In case you missed the memo, or didn’t realize you lost an hour of sleep a couple weeks ago, spring is finally here!

The ice has finally melted in the coldest cities in the country and the torrential downpours that plagued most states in February have begun to make way for fresh flowers beginning to bloom.

Earlier this week, I took to our Facebook community page and asked our members for their favorite springtime dates.  I did this, mainly, because I searched for so many online and found only a few.  

So without further ado, here are the Top 20 Springtime Dates on the Web:

1. Be His Honey Bee (via Huff Post) If you both love the outdoors (and neither of you are allergic to bees), drive out to the country for a day at a honey bee farm. These farms maintain hundreds of hives buzzing with thousands of bees. Saunter through the acres of beehives, watching the bees at work … but don’t worry, they can’t easily sting you through your gear!

Touring a bee farm is different from typical farm tours and you can learn all about the science behind beekeeping. After the tour, you can shop the farm store for sweet, syrupy honey (farmed straight from the honeycombs you just toured) to cook with later. Mmmm.

2. Watch a movie in vogue.  Did you know there are still hundreds of drive-in theaters all around the US?  Thank goodness, this style of movie watching didn’t die with Grease.  Park your car, lean your seat back and enjoy a movie with your sweetheart (popcorn fight and all).

3. Exercise alfresco (via SheKnows).  If you’ve been cooped up inside all winter, enjoy some fresh spring air by planning a bike ride (if you live near a beach, try renting a bike for two) or going hiking together at a local park (pack up a picnic in a backpack and enjoy the fruits of your labor at the top).  Spring is also a great time for bird watching with many flocks migrating south.  Need help getting motivated?  Here’s a few simple ways.

4. Have a breakfast picnic.  So romantic!  I’d never even thought about this but it makes so much sense.  Hardly anyone is out early at the local parks and you’ll enjoy the lovely light of morning as you sip your steamy lattes, munch on some fruit, take a stroll or just sit around and smooch.  (“One thing to remember,” Kris “Kroll” Woods who submitted this idea reminds us, “The ground is dewy, so plan ahead for shoes, towel for the table, etc.)

5. Join the worldwide hunt for treasure. (via The Nest)  Geocaching is a worldwide game of hiding and seeking treasure. A geocacher can place a geocache anywhere in the world (think: the middle of the forest or top of the Empire State Building) and pinpoint its location using GPS technology, and then share the geocache’s location online. All you need to get started are a GPS device and the whereabouts of a “treasure” listed on the website.

6. Got a pickup truck?  Make some good use out of it! Load it up with tons of hay (if you have some available), sleeping bags, some snacks and a bottle of wine.  Lay down the tailgate and just enjoy looking up at the stars and talking. And if there is a spring concert series nearby, why not pull your truck right up to that?

7. Spring break for adults (via Care2.com)  It’s not just for college students anymore—bust out of the winter doldrums by hitting a beach destination for some much-needed relaxation (and romance). If you don’t have the time or funds to go anywhere exotic, look up long weekend trips an hour or two away from home. You don’t have to travel far to get the benefits of getting away from it all.

8. Enjoy nature’s real confetti.  Sit beneath a full bloom sakura tree and enjoy simply being.  When プンザラン リセール submitted this idea, I must admit, I had to look up what sakuras were and if we also have them in the States.  And alas, they are cherry blossom trees.  Yes, we have plenty of those.  But if you aren’t in a city where you can find some, choose any tree newly bloomed and enjoy it’s amazing wonder.  Speaking of which…

9. Visit to the Gardens (via About.com)  Spring is the perfect time to stop by your local botanical gardens or any gardens or parks that are open to the public to observe and appreciate the flowers and plants that are coming back to life after the winter. Be sure to actually smell the roses together and hold hands while you walk or stroll. Take in the scene and take pictures to boot. After all, nature makes for a beautiful backdrop.

10. Go Ape!  Who knew there was zip lines and treetop adventures all over the US.  Christina Paul, who submitted this idea, said she and her husband did it though GoApe.com and had a blast!  If you’re not in any one of the cities where they’re located, here are another 10 great zip lines across the US.

11. Build a Campfire in Your Backyard (via Happy Wives Club)  One of my dear friends rented a home for more than 10 years and I’m convinced the reason she loved it there so much was the fire pit she built in the backyard.  Don’t worry, the grass will grow back!  But even more likely, you won’t want it to.  Camille and her hubby built their own and I also found this great tutorial online by Debbie Graney.  Once you’re done, grab a couple chocolate bars, some graham crackers and marshmallows and celebrate all your hard work with freshly made S’mores.  

12. Get in on the March Madness!  Start a couples pool for spring’s biggest basketball challenge.  Maybe because I love sports but I wanted to do it the moment I read this suggestion by Joy Turner Washburn, “It’s so fun picking teams and keeping track of the games (Sweet Sixteen, Elite Eight, Final Four).  We have a personal party on the night of the championship game.”  And what’s a better way to celebrate a huge win than…sex…or chocolate…or champagne.  Better yet, how about all three?!

13. Become a wine connoisseur in four easy steps (via LearnVest).  Ever wonder what people are doing when they’re sniffing or swirling their wine around in the glass, looking to see if it’s got “legs”?  Well, wonder no more.  Make this a fun hobby to pick up for the Spring and well before the summer you’ll be sniffing, swirling, swishing and tasting like a pro.

14. Pick a book of the season.  How often do you and your spouse read a book together?  Do you like fiction?  Does he like nonfiction?  Does he like sci-fi while you like romance?  What about finding a book you both will love?  GoodReads gives 18 great suggestions and you can see their reviews here.  And another book that would have made their list had it been out when it was compiled (:)) is the Happy Wives Club.  Yes, I’m biased but don’t take my word for it, check out the 5-star reader reviews.  And don’t let the name fool you.  Men are loving this book just as much as women (although, they are a bit more apprehensive about buying a book with “Happy” and “Wives” in the title).

15. Get Dirty (via HuffPost). Cleaning your house doesn’t exactly sound sexy, but hear us out. In the middle of scrubbing down walls, dusting cobwebs out of corners, and moving furniture, there’s a lot of silence in which to bring up unspoken issues between you two. You can also share intimate details about each other you might not have otherwise organically brought up and goals for the relationship. Doesn’t every relationship need some spring cleaning of its own too? Think of the ways you can reward each other for an afternoon’s hard work: “If we can clean up now, we can get a little dirty later.” (Wink-wink.)

16. Kick back in your own homemade hammock.  Seriously, what’s more relaxing than laying next to your favorite person in the world as the net beneath you keeps you closer than close?  Do you have a porch or trees close enough to hang a hammock?  If so, spend a couple hours making one together, then grab some freshly brewed iced tea, and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

17. In with the new. (via Care2.com)  Pick an activity that’s new to both of you, and spend the season working on it together. Take rock-climbing classes, train for a half-marathon together, or sign up for a dance class. You’ll bond over being beginners and push each other to get better. Plus, a recent study even showers that adding an element of surprise into a relationship can trigger the same emotional state you were both in when you first met, getting back all those lovey-dovey feelings.

18. Easter egg hunt comes early – or late.  This fabulous idea submitted by Shelly Massie will take a little bit of creativity and planning.  Set up the picnic ahead of time and have eggs hidden all over the backyard (park or any other place with plenty of trees).  But these aren’t just any kind of eggs, they’re love note eggs (via Dating Divas).  As your husband finds they hidden eggs, they will open them to a sweet surprise: Your love, appreciate and acknowledgment that he’s the best.   

19. Let Your Hearts Be All A-Flutter (via HuffPost).  He gives you butterflies in your stomach and you’d like to show just how he makes you feel without being too cheesy — so why not visit a butterfly conservatory? These sanctuaries are indoor living environments specially designed for butterflies to flourish. Just imagine strolling hand-in-hand along meandering paths in the greenhouse, admiring the beds of lush greenery and blossoms, with hundreds of colorful butterflies fluttering freely in the air around you. It’s the perfect picture of springtime romance.

20. Serenity by the water.  No matter where you live, there’s a body of water somewhere: ocean, marina, lake, stream – find it.  Enjoy it.  Create your very own still point in a turning world.  Lake with fish nearby?  Grab some fishing wire and a hook (or if you have no idea what you’re doing, like me, just buy a fishing pole).  Some of the best fish come out at spring so just drop a line, he’ll skin, you cook (or in my case, the Hubs would rather skin and cook), and you’ve just wrapped up a perfect spring day.

QUESTION: What’s your favorite springtime date ideas?  (Add them in the comments below and let’s make sure we keep love in the air all spring long.)

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Differences…that’s what makes us all so beautiful.

“My dream is to be a stay-at-home mom and wife.”

Those were the words uttered to my loving husband more than ten years ago.

His response?

First, laughter (and I mean the gut-wrenching belly laugh type).  Then, a look of utter confusion.

“Honey, I’m not trying to be funny but you’re not built to be a stay-at-home mom.  Every day, I’d come home from work and the kids would run up to me, ‘Daddy, please save us from mommy!  She’s trying to turn us into another one of her projects!’”

The pure horror expressed on his face while pretending to do what he envisioned our children would do instantly flipped a light switch on in my head.

He was right.  OH SO very right.  I would likely drive our children insane as a stay-at-home mom.  

I know this, in part, because early into our marriage my one attempt at being a stay-at-home wife quickly went down in flames.

It happened in 2004, shortly after an abrupt resignation as the business manager of an award-winning restaurant.

Following my decision to give back my minority ownership stake, Keith thought it would be a good idea if I took off a few months before returning to work.

That sabbatical was short lived.  (Keith jokes it was so quick it’s like it never happened.)  Within weeks, I was consulting on various projects and working to free a death row inmate in Texas I’d stumbled across online. (long story…)

Before the end of the month, I’d hired private investigators, consulted defense attorney Tom Mesereau (who happened to be thick in the middle of a trial defending Michael Jackson), began giving the defense attorney instructions, and in less than 12 months that young man was off death row.

Within the first week of my so-called sabbatical, I realized being a stay-at-home anything is simply not the way I’m wired.  At least not then (and even now, a decade later).  Somewhere along the road of life, I’d bought into the notion that I’d be a better wife and mom if I remained at home.  My husband freed me from that thinking and encouraged me to embrace the woman God created me to be.

My friend, Courtney Joseph, author of Women Living Well, absolutely LOVES being a homeschooling stay-at-home mom and wife with sole responsibility of domestic duties.  It’s been her desire since she was a little girl and she’s now living out that dream.  The first time I met Courtney, I found it incredibly refreshing to see the pure joy in her eyes when she talked about being a stay-at-home mom and wife.  

The same excitement I feel when teaming up with my husband to flesh out a business idea or start a new company is what Courtney feels when she’s cooking, cleaning and serving her family full-time.

Courtney is the perfect example of the proper role of a 21st century wife.

And so am I.

What’s beautiful about being a women in the 21st century is the power of choice.  Courtney can choose to be a stay-at-home mom and I can choose to be in the corporate workforce.

Courtney loves her life and is the perfect wife for her husband, Keith.

I love my life and am the perfect wife for my husband, Keith.

(Yes, we really do have husbands with the same name who both love, honor, adore and respect us.)

Radical feminist have long tried to define the role of wife.  So have conservatives, liberals and the media.  When I released my book, Happy Wives Club earlier this year, media across the pond pounced on it and said I was returning women to the 1950s. (Clearly, the press in the UK had not actually read the book.)  

So what is the proper role of a 21st century wife?  Whatever you want it to be.  Whatever brings the most joy to you and your spouse.  

You are beautiful.  You are wonderful.  You are unique.  So don’t make your role as wife look like a cookie cutter image of anyone else.  Don’t allow anyone outside of your home to define the roles within it.  

Free yourself from the judgement of others.  Follow your passions.  Don’t be afraid to dote over your spouse or to give everything to your marriage.  There are only two people in this world who should define the proper role of husband and wife in your household: You and your husband.

QUESTION: How do you define your role as wife?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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