Sitting in the hair salon this past weekend, there is an endless stream of women.  Toward the back of the salon is a manicurist who stays equally as busy as the hair stylists.  As women, we certainly know how to maintain our outward appearances.  Some will say they do it for their spouse but I think most of us will agree we do this for ourselves.

Externally, we look as though we’ve got it together.  Even when we’ve put on some extra poundage and know we need to diet or exercise, we can still look good.  We know how to maintain ourselves at every size.  But do we know how to maintain our relationships and keep our hearts healthy?

If we spent as much time focusing on our inward maintenance, as we did on our outward appearance, married women would likely be the healthiest group of people in the world.  What matters most is the inward glow. 

How we love, the way we give, kindness in our hearts – that’s what makes us beautiful.  The love, respect and admiration we have for our husband.  The patience, understanding and leadership we give to our children is what makes our lives worthy of living.

There is a beautiful poem often attributed to American actress Audrey Hepburn, but it was actually her favorite poem written by Sam Levenson:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you’ll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you’ll discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.  The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. 

The beauty of a woman is not a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.  It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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In my 35 years of living, I’ve never once been pregnant.  I’ve never had the joy of carrying a child in my womb or bonding with a creature whose sustenance comes from milk created within my body.  Holding a newborn child is an exquisite experience like none other.  I can only imagine how that feeling is increased 100-fold when the newborn you are holding is your own.

I’ve never experienced these joys and don’t know this will ever be a part of the life God has planned for me.  But I’ve also never had the requisite sleepless nights of parenting a newborn, morning sickness that lasts all day or the never-ending chore list that accompanies being a new mom.  I am grateful for both.

Life is interesting.  It is a bit, as Forrest Gump’s mother said to him, like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get.  For this current childless moment, I am grateful for the time I am able to spend uninterrupted with my husband.  I have a sensitive stomach so I am incredibly grateful for the lack of nausea in my life.  I am grateful that in just a couple months I will be leaving for the adventure of a lifetime: traveling to all 7 continents and 12 countries.

I am grateful.  I do not feel as though anything is missing from my life.

On the other side of this coin, so many of you –most of you, I’d expect- are Moms.  You have had, at one time or another, a beautiful bundle of joy to call your own.  You could not even imagine a life without your children.  They are a never-ending flow of blessings.  God used you to create life, to lead a new being into a life of their own and that is a miracle unto itself.

Be grateful.  In the very moment in which you live, be grateful.  I have no desire to be in your shoes as I am incredibly thankful for my own.  And you should have no admiration for mine.  My path in life will be different from yours.  And your path in life will be different from your closest friends.  That’s the beauty of being human; No two are alike.

No matter the box of chocolate you’ve been given, be grateful.  There is nothing more beautiful than a heart filled with gratitude and a day that has been lived on purpose.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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When I arose this morning, Keith was still enjoying his beauty rest.  It was late and I needed to get up and wash my hair so I could begin the day.  With hair still wet, I walked over near the bed and Keith lifted the covers inviting me to lay next to him. 

First thought: my honey’s awake and I’d love to hold him and to be held.  Second thought: My hair is wet and I have so many things I need to get done before leaving the house.  Always go with your thought closest to your heart.  My first thought won that mini battle and I accepted his unspoken invitation to lay beside him. 

Holding me in his arms and extended tender kisses reminded me of an all too important truth: My husband needs me to slow down to stay physically connected with him.

Oftentimes we make the mistake of taking for granted the time we have with our spouse.  We run here and there, to and from, and forget how much our husbands need to simply be held, caressed and shown –through physical affection- how much we desire them.

So many pull away from their husband’s physical advances because the thought is it will lead to sex and sometimes there isn’t time for sex at that exact moment.  But pulling away is a mistake.  Our husbands need to be held.  We need to be held.  Holding hands, stroking the side of his face and him doing the same to yours, embracing each other with a simple hug.  Sometimes that’s all the current moment will allow.  And most times, that’s more than enough.

Do you ever find yourself pulling away from your husband’s advances when you’re rushed because you think he will expect more?  Fall into the moment.  You may be pleasantly surprised.  Your husband knows when you have to go and you won’t need to abruptly pull away to make that point.  Simply allow yourself to be embraced.  Stay in the moment.  Then go about the business of your day.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I love you
I need you
My heart screams to yours

The mouth fails to let you know
What the heart longs to convey
The body responds to the love within
That is pushing against the skin
This love that wants to be unleashed
But is held back by the mouth that refuses to speak

I love you
I need you
My heart beats louder
With the hope that yours will hear

The rhythm increases
I fear my chest will tear
But…
Slowly…
My heartbeat returns to normal 
As the melody from your heart finally reaches mine

I love you
I need you
Our hearts sing together

What the mouth could not say
The heart dared to sing

- Justina Nafje-Ovanhu Hamalwa -

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Our bodies require rest.  God made them that way.  I’m not quite sure why our bodies require rest as an essential part of living as I can certainly think of many other things to do for that 6-8 hours each night I’m sleeping.  But we cannot function properly if we don’t rest.

I remember 15 years ago, when I was launching a business, I decided to test this theory.  I needed to get an enormous amount of work done so I tested my body and stayed up for more than 30 hours straight.  Before I knew it I was nauseous, could barely stand upright and finally collapsed on the bed.  I am a strong-willed woman but my will could not keep me up any longer.  My body won that fight.

As I look at couples all around me, and especially within my own marriage, I am reminded of the importance of downtime.  Not only allowing our bodies to get some rest but allowing our minds to slow down and our stress levels to be brought back down to neutral.  Our relationships need it to remain healthy.  If you ever want to see a woman at her worst, just look for her when she’s stressed out.  Not a good look at all.

Whether you believe in the Bible or not, one commandment I highly recommend: Honor the Sabbath.  Each week, Keith and I work an unbelievable amount of hours.  Our one saving grace is we know if we can simply make it to the end of the week, our 7th day will be that of rest.  

Setting aside a day of rest becomes something to look forward to each week.  It’s most certainly our favorite day.  We take the time to go on a date.  We don’t watch our caloric intake and aren’t concerned with exercising.  The only thing we care about is spending time with each other and allowing our mind, body and soul a time of renewal.  

When was the last time you gave yourself the day off?  Make it a habit in your household weekly to set aside a day of rest.  Who cares if the dishes wait one more day?  It won’t kill you to tend to the laundry twenty-four hours later.  Allow yourself a time of rest.  Your marriage and family will thank you for it.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I bet you’ve never thought of the built-in advantage of being married.  Think about that for just a moment.  You have a partner in crime for life.  You are able to go twice as far in half the amount of time.  You have the ability to achieve all your goals times two.  

Today, as we were listening to our pastor, I was reminded of this amazing truth.  While teaching a lesson on becoming more physically and spiritually fit, he gave us a list of four things we all need to do to achieve our most important goals in life.  He instructed us to write them down and commit to doing each one.  However, he concluded the lesson by saying our ability to make changes in our life permanent, we must do one very important thing: find an accountability partner.  

He told everyone to think of one person who could come alongside us for the next two months and hold us accountable.  Keith and I looked at each other with a smile, gave a short kiss, and acknowledged with nothing more than our eyes that we were incredibly blessed.  We didn’t need to think about who could hold us accountable; we already have each other.  

Marriage allows for us to have a built-in accountability partner; that person who will help us achieve our goals.  One of the reasons people hire fitness trainers is to have an accountability partner.  A trainer meets you at the gym (one in which you are likely already a member), has you use the exact same equipment you could use on your own, and then guides you through a series of exercises you could also do by yourself.  So what’s the purpose of a trainer if they only have you do the same things you could do on your own?  Motivation and accountability.  

There is something about knowing whether you show up at the gym or not, your trainer will be there waiting for you and will call to give you a hard time if you don’t come.  They will stand over you and make sure you give it your all.  They push you, stretch you, pull you and do not allow you to give up.  They don’t have you do anything you could not otherwise do on your own but there is something about having them there that causes you to push beyond your comfort zone.

If you’ve set a goal this year to lose 20 pounds, ask your husband to hold you accountable in your diet and fitness.  If you’ve made a goal to finish your first manuscript, run a marathon, launch a business, whatever it is, use your built-in advantage.  You have something single people would love to have.  You have a partner for life.  So use that to get ahead and achieve your heart’s greatest desires.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Marriage Joins Two People in the Circle of its Love

Marriage is a commitment to life,
the best that two people can find and bring out in each other.
It offers opportunities for sharing and growth
that no other relationship can equal.

It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.Within the circle of its love,
marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships.
A wife and a husband are each other’s best friend,
confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic.

And there may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing,
and the love of the other may resemble
the tender caring of a parent or child.
Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life.

Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher,
commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly,
and passes away more quickly.Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life
is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life,
new experiences, new ways of expressing
a love that is deeper than life.

When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage,
they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer
than any spoken or written words.
Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people
who love each other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.

-Edmund O’Neill

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Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Every week, at least 3-4 times, I write a blog post focused on the members of this club: happy wives.  But today, I get to switch it up and post something for the hubbies too.  While on vacationing in Charleston, South Carolina, Keith wrote this for our club.  Enjoy!

By Keith Weaver, my amazing husband

My wonderful wife and founder of this Club, Fawn, thought it would be beneficial for me to share my perspective as a man and husband with respect to what keeps our marriage so enjoyable.  Specifically, she wanted me to share my thoughts about how we manage conflict.  What I’ve set forth here are essentially our “rules of engagement” or, simply stated, our approach to resolving conflicts.  If this is of no use whatsoever, blame Fawn – as I said, this was her idea.   

So, here it is…  Being sensitive to your spouse’s perspective, honest about your own, and wise with your words, are the characteristics that allow you to ease into discussion instead of crashing into an argument.  No, I’m not a “perfect” husband (I can be as thoughtless as the next guy), but I try to keep mindful of these principles as much as possible and –nine years in so far – I can say it works pretty well.    

As I began writing this, it was really late and Fawn was asleep.  I have my days and nights mixed up as my mother would say, so it was the perfect time for me.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t think of what to write.  I had the TV on for background when God unstuck my writer’s block with -of all things- Bill Cosby.  

I glanced up at The Cosby Show that was on and tuned in a bit.  I had missed part of the episode, but having seen most episodes numerous times, I knew it was the show where the family was preparing for the grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. Sondra and her then boyfriend, Elvin, were fighting on the way to the Huxtable house and the spat carried on once they arrived. 

In a funny moment with Cliff Huxtable, Elvin says “I’m confused about my role as a man” in seeking understanding for his bickering with Sondra.  To paraphrase, “if I try to take her luggage, she says I’ve got this, but if I fail to open a door for her, she’s mad… ”  Cliff advised Elvin that the woman is always right and, essentially, he should just ignore whatever logic he may be applying in a given situation for the sake of peace. 

The episode was certainly very funny, and possibly even effective for the passive or disengaged, but outside of a sitcom this is not necessarily the most effective way to foster a progressive understanding (or oneness) with your wife.

If I were Elvin, I would say something like this to Sondra: “Honey, can you help me with a challenge I’m having?  I love you and I really would like to exceed the expectations you have for me as the man in your life.  For example, when I don’t open the door for you, it’s because I’m responding to the independence you seek when you expect to take your own luggage.  I respect you and my goal is to be a gentleman and your heart’s desire, can you help me understand?”  In most cases, this would result in a calm-voiced conversation where both would have a better mutual understanding by the end and making love might be an additional side benefit.  Not bad, huh?

With Fawn and me, my approach isn’t that different from what I just described.  I presume innocence in whatever situation, presume that we both want to understand each other, and I know that we both love each other madly – not for just a season, but for our lifetime.  It is with that perspective I can approach whatever situation with as much ease as possible.  I tend to be affable, but going along just to get along simply isn’t me and I suspect that is true for most men.  That being said, utilizing basic communication skills and a softer approach to relate to my wife – the 2nd highest priority in my life (God is the 1st) – is always an investment that seems worthwhile.  It’s worth trying.  Plus, if I’m wrong, it didn’t cost you anything.       

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I am so grateful Keith presumes innocence because I am certainly not the woman or wife I hope to one day become.  But I am who I am and can only be me and that’s good enough for now.  I’ll continue to grow and mature just as Keith does…and that’s all that matters.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I have one simple question for you and I hope you do not take offense.  Do you revere your husband?  And if so, how greatly?  Reverence is a demonstration of extreme honor and respect for something or someone.

I remember a couple years ago when a photographer from a local paper came to our home to take pictures for an article. During our time together, he shared that he and his wife had just been in an argument over dinner the night before. She’d taken the time to cook a wonderful meal. When she was ready to serve it, he continued working because he wasn’t ready to eat. She became frustrated. He responded in a like manner, and as is usually the case in these scenarios, an argument ensued.

I posed one simple question to this newly married photographer. I’d heard another counselor ask it of a feuding couple, “Think of someone you hold in high esteem. The president. The chancellor of your university. Your pastor. Think of that person you have enormous respect for and tell me how you would have responded if he or she called for you and said, ‘The meal I was preparing for dinner is now ready’?” The photographer thought about it for a brief moment, gave a smile that let me know he ‘got it,’ and then conceded he would have gone to the dinner table immediately.

I reminded him that his wife was the only person he chose and subsequently pledged to be with for the remainder of his life. He wasn’t given an option in choosing his parents or siblings. He didn’t have the deciding vote in who would be his country’s president. He certainly had no say in selecting his university’s chancellor. But he held each of them in higher regard than he held his wife—the one person he not only had the pleasure of choosing, but who also honored him by reciprocating in that choice.

We tend to take our spouses for granted because we assume they will always be there. And we hope they will.  But if there is anyone we should hold in high esteem, it is the person who pledged to be with us in good times and in bad, in sickness and health, until death do us part.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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“There is no greater risk than matrimony.  But there is nothing happier than a happy marriage.”  In 1870, the British Prime Minister, Benjamin Disraeli, penned the above quote in a letter to Queen Victoria’s fourth daughter, Louise, upon the announcement of her engagement to a “common” man.  Although Princess Louise’s engagement outraged most of the royal family she knew exactly what she wanted and she was determined to get it.  In this moment, the royal princess showed she was fearless. 

When reading the biography of Princess Louise’s life, there is one thing that stands out most: she adored her husband and she loved being married.  During a time when marriage was entered into for duty rather than love, the princess decided duty to the people and the kingdom was not good enough.  She would marry for love and love alone. 

Getting married can be a bit scary.  It is undoubtedly risky business.  And to a certain degree, not even a good risk as divorce statistics give each marriage a 50/50 chance of succeeding.  Nearly half of marriages end in divorce, so what separates the 50-percent who succeed from the 50-percent who do not?  In my opinion, it is fear…or rather the lack thereof. 

Love, in its intended and most perfect form, is fearless.  When I say ‘perfect,’ I do not mean it is without fault.  I am not implying it is without hurt, frustration, doubt or is guaranteed sans tears.  When I refer to perfect love, I am referencing the kind of virtue that will cause a man to leave his father and mother and be joined to one woman for the remainder of his life.  The same emotion that causes a mother to run in front of a speeding car to save her endangered child’s life or gives a wife the adrenalin to lift a car that is crushing her husband.  It is the type of love which causes a woman to forsake all others and cling to one man. 

The love in which I speak is one that has stood the test of time and will continue to stand steadfast against the onslaught of negativity surrounding marriage.  The type of love which conquers fear is the same kind that causes marriages to flourish.  Perfect love does not focus on what could be lost but solely on what has been gained.  It stands in the face of critics and those who would dare challenge its existence and declares, “Til death do us part.’” 

The freedom that comes from loving without fear of loss is what allows us to open our hearts to experience a fullness of joy, happiness and physical pleasure in marriage.  This love…a perfect love…is expressed in the lifetime commitment that began the moment we said “I do.”  On that day, we looked fear square in the face and dared to defy it.

This year, when observing your wedding anniversary, don’t just commemorate the day you were married.  But celebrate the moment in which your love conquered fear.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Most marriages, at least here in the US, are entered into soberly and by stating vows similar to these:

I, (Bride),
Take you, (Husband),
To be my lawfully wedded husband;
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
Till death do us part.

Think about that commitment made: For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer…till death do us part.  Yet, year after year, poor communication, finances, and incompatibility are some of the most common reasons given for the dissolution of marriage.  ”We grew apart,” so many are quick to point out.

As happily married women, we can decrease instances of divorce in every country where we live by doing one simple thing: reminding every friend we have – before they get married – of the vows they will state on their wedding day.  If we spend less time talking about the wedding dress, location, ring and cake and more time about the commitment they are about to make, we might be able to help one become better prepared for what lies ahead.  When was the last time you sat down with a girlfriend recently engaged and said, “Now, have you read your wedding vows?  Have you truly considered them?  Are you ready to pledge ‘Till death do you part?’ 

We help keep marriages together by reminding ourselves and our friends of the vows we committed to keep.  One of our club members, married 31 years, submitted this as a quick tip, “My parents have been married for 65 years! Whenever they attend a wedding, they hold hands as the vows are being spoken and repeat them silently, reaffirming their pledges to each other.” 

Families are the backbone of any society, within every country, throughout the world.  Divorce tears families apart.  It hardens the heart and leaves collateral damage all over the place. 

As women who are happily married, we have stories to share.  Don’t let another marriage go down without putting up a fight.  It is up to us to spread the good news on marriage and all the benefits it has to offer if one will just hang in there — for better or for worse.  Make the choice today to take an active role in decreasing our world’s divorce rate…one girlfriend at a time.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fragrant candles lit throughout the house

A freshly brewed cup of coffee in the morning

Eggs sunny-side up with pancakes in the shape of a heart

Text message that says “I love you” for no particular reason

A glass of wine and soft music to unwind after a taxing day

Quick email to let him know he’s on your mind

Pulling his body closer to yours for a sweet embrace

A kiss on the forehead, followed by the nose, maybe the ears and definitely the lips

His favorite meal -whether purchased or homemade- awaiting his arrival at home

Handwritten note with thoughtful words, perfume scented, and placed atop his pillow

There are a million and one ways to show your husband how much you care.  It doesn’t have to take much time.  Seconds if that’s all you have to spare.  But make it your mission today to do something different than the norm, something special, to express to the one you love how much he means to you.  

The smallest gesture can go a long way.  And thousands of little things over the years will be the catalyst to a life full of love, peace, joy, laughter and pure marital bliss.  Give it a try.  You won’t regret you did.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 30,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts?  Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook