If I took a poll of this audience, I’d venture to say most of us have a “bucket list.”  That list made all too famous by Jack Nickolson and Morgan Freeman by the movie with the same name.  Some have bucket lists which include all the foods they want to try before they “kick the bucket.”  For many, it’s what they want to accomplish in life.

Bucket lists come in all shapes and sizes.  I ran across the bucket list of a sister blogger earlier this year and her list had 300+ goals.  Whew!  I was tired just thinking about checking things off that list.  Some are more practical and have 20 or so.  And then there are those like mine who spend so much time living in the moment we forget to put more things on our list.

My bucket list began with just four items: 1) Become fluent in a second language; 2) Travel to a Spanish-speaking country for immersion school; 3) Participate in Vinyasa Flow yoga teacher training; and 4) Travel to all seven continents.  Last year, I attended a Spanish immersion course in Montezuma, Costa Rica.  So I checked that off my list.

With one complete, that leaves me with three to go.  Based on my schedule, I thought I’d be checking off the remainder of the list in the following order: 1) Become fluent in Spanish; 2) Vinyasa Flow teacher training; and 3) Travel around the world.  Unfortunately, I’ve been so busy since returning from Costa Rica, I’ve had little time to continue working on my fluency.  I guess that will need to wait until next year.

It will need to wait because I was recently offered the gift of a lifetime.  Before the year concludes, I would have traveled to 21 countries and all 7 continents.  And 12 of those countries, as well as 4 of the continents, I will travel to all within a six month period of time – and all this year.

I am working on a special project which might cause me to to burst if I don’t tell you soon. So make sure to join me Monday as I share with you the big news.  I was offered the gift of a lifetime and I’m taking you along on this journey with me.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Who would have thought when I began this club so much would come from it?  I certainly did not.  I’ve been rebellious from the time I was a child so it’s no surprise -as the L.A. Times columnist Sandy Banks pointed out to me- that I began this site as my way of bucking the system.

It was a simple refusal to join the chorus of voices insisting that marriage are brutally tough, meant to be a battlefield and were simple to walk away from for the most minor or offenses.  It was my way of telling Hollywood, in the loudest voice I could muster, there are happily married couples in the world and the portrayal of marriages on the big (and little) screens were not the full story.

The unabashed love for my husband and a somewhat naive exploration of the most important relationship in our lifetime, that we choose rather than being born into, caused me to dive head first into finding other women like me; those who enjoy being married and adore their husbands more than any other person in the world.

I knew many existed.  I didn’t know how many.  I still don’t know.  I will undoubtedly die without knowing the numerical answer to that question.  But I will live with the knowledge and satisfaction that I began a chorus of voices who refuse to be silenced and choose to not go along with the crowd. 

When I shared with you the best piece of marriage advice I ever received, I learned there were so many other wives out there who too felt beat up on when they chose to be affectionate in public with their spouse and not to allow other’s relational misery to dictate how they interpreted their own happiness.

When women from all over the world joined me to sign the pledge to change the conversation among our group of girlfriends.  To be the one woman in a chorus of wives complaining about the shortfallings of their husbands to share about the beautiful side of marriage.  To be the person who reminds everyone why they said ‘I do’ and what is wonderful about their husband (that they’re ignoring in that momentary complaint session).

When I began this club and invited three of my closest girlfriends, one of my sisters and my mother, to be founding members, I had no idea the amazing blessings that would occur as a result of this club.  I did not know I’d come to meet so many wonderful women.  I had no idea we’d be joined by wives in over 100 countries around the world.  There was absolutely no foresight that publishers from around the country would bid on a future book to be written, which at the time was not even a forethought.

The number of blessings I’ve received as a result of this club are innumerable.  And the greatest of all has been getting to know each of you.  Thank you.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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In the United States, where tens of thousands of our members live, on the last Monday of May each year we celebrate Memorial Day.  Memorial Day is a federal holiday set aside as a day of remembering the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces.

According to Wikipedia, as a marker it typically marks the start of the summer vacation season, while Labor Day marks its end.  Many people visit cemeteries and memorials, particularly to honor those who have died in military service. Many volunteers place an American flag on each grave in national cemeteries.

Banks are closed.  Restaurants are closed.  Most people don’t go to work.  I’m not most people.  I’ll likely be working from sun up until well after the sun sets tonight.  But throughout the day, I will remain grateful for the many men and women who have died protecting the freedom of our country, as well as fighting on behalf of countrymen all over the world to liberate their own freedom.

Today, I won’t write a typical blog post but rather will leave you with our national anthem sung by one of the fallen heroes of the music industry, Whitney Houston.  If I’m not mistaken, her rendition of this anthem became the best-selling version of all time.   

After posting the video, I decided to go back and take a look at it.  I’d not seen it in some time.  My eyes swelled, like many of yours likely will, as it’s the most soul-stirring version of this song I’ve ever seen.  And my heart ached for a woman whose life should have been filled with endless joy but rather, by her own doing, was filled with never-ending pain.  I pray you and I will spend every day grateful for all we have and never waste a moment fretting about what we don’t. 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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My mother loves telling this story about my little sister -and one of the founding members of this Club- Christy Joy.  When she was a very young girl, she was sitting on the toilet going potty and kept saying out loud, “I’ve got Joooooy on the inside.” 

Of course, my mom thought it was odd that a three-year old would talk about having joy on the inside but she thought she’d inquire anyhow, “So where does your joy come from, Christy?”  To that, Christy pointed to her underwear that read “Joy” on the backside that our older sister, Launi, put on her inside out and said, “Launi put my panties on backwards and now I’ve got Jooooy on the inside.”

I love that story because to know Christy Joy is to know her excitement and enthusiasm for life. That’s one of the reasons when she turned 31 earlier this week, I was so excited for her and the life she’s been blessed with thusfar.  Two beautiful babies -one boy and one girl- and a husband who is a stud (no really, he’s a cutie).

HWC founding member, Christy Joy, and her family

She loves her family more than anything in the world and does her best to build up her husband and children every chance she gets.  She’s her husband’s greatest supporter and fan and that’s exactly the way it should be.  This is what marriage should look like.  ut Christy had a headstart in life when it comes to marriage.  She had mentors.

I’m not too sure how many marriage mentors she’s had but I’d suspect our Mom and I are the two at the top.  We’ve always built up marriage.  We’ve never said it would always be easy but we assured her from the very beginning it would be worth it.  She watches us.  She’s always watched us.  And her children and our baby sister will be watching her.  That is the cycle for building healthy families for multiple generations.

You may come from a broken home or never experienced first-hand positive marriage mentors growing up.  You were taught knock down, drag out fights would be normal and have needed to teach yourself to think differently.  But think of the blessing you will be to so many others as they watch your marriage, as they look at the patience you have with your husband and children.  You will be a mentor without even trying; just by putting your family first.  

Kudos to each of you for elevating your family above all other earthly relationships and for teaching the next generation what it means to love without limits and enjoy life to the fullest.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Do you have old habits your husband’s been trying to kill to no avail?  I have too many to count so I thank God regularly for a patient husband.  Just recently we were laughing at a horrible habit I have that he’s been trying to help me correct for almost 10 years: licking my fingers…and not in a sexy way.

When I eat french fries with salt, there’s just something about the salt left on my fingers that tastes so good I can’t help but lick it off.  It’s almost better than eating the fries.  When I’m eating potato skins with cheese, as I was this past weekend, I can’t seem to dip the skins in ranch dressing without getting it all over my fingers.  And who wants to wipe ranch dressing off their fingers with a napkin?  Not me.  I’d rather lick it off.  Ditto for when I’m eating barbecue ribs.

I’m not a girlie girl.  Not that I needed to state that after having written the first two paragraphs.  I’ve never been a fan of pink, red and other colors that tend to appeal to women who are a bit more feminine.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not a tomboy.  I love dresses and if you saw me walking down the street, you’d likely assume I’m extremely feminine.  You’d be right.  And you’d be wrong.

It’s hard to fit me in a box.  Sometimes I feel feminine and gentle and sometimes I just want to watch my favorite basketball team while yelling at the top of my lungs (speaking of another bad habit my hubby stopped trying to break me of years ago after concluding it was hopeless).

I am not your average woman.  Or maybe I am and have just become more comfortable in my own skin and don’t feel the need to become something or someone I’m not.  I’m a confident woman.  But I need my husband.  He makes me better.  There are some poor habits I continue to hold onto but many he’s helped me improve upon over the past decade.  I’m undoubtedly a better woman because of him.

He accepts me as I am.  He is able to do that because I accept him just as he is and would never try to change him.  There are quirks in his personality and bad habits he has that I simply accept.  I try to help him with them, if they’re important, but if not I just love everything that makes him unique.

What I have found with my husband, and men in general, is when we accept them for who they are they are more inclined to accept us for exactly who we are.  Those who stop trying to change their husband tend to find that action is reciprocated.  It’s funny how that works out.  When we accept each other just as we are, we form a love and bond through that acceptance that is like none other.  If you haven’t already, give it a try.  You’ll thank me for it.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Women are complex creatures.  We are multi-faceted; never one dimensional.  We can be hard to figure out.  Husbands can try for 50 years and may never fully understand every bit of our inner-being.  

Men are far less complex.  Most are taught from an early age to shield their feelings; to keep innermost thoughts private.  They are taught to be strong, tough and to not wear their emotions on their sleeves.  But when they find that one woman by which they can entrust with their heart, share their greatest fears and know they are loved unconditionally, they become much easier to understand.

My husband knows me like the back of his hand.  Very little surprises him.  But he may never fully understand all the different sides of me.  Just yesterday morning, we began by watching a movie called The Vow.  He knew within the first frame of the movie I would love it, would likely cry at some point before the end and it would be added to my collection of sappy movies I love.

As soon as the movie was over and I wiped away my tears, I switched over to watching the NBA.  I love basketball.  I sat watching the commentary and highlights of all the games from the day before.  And from there I went to wash dishes while playfully dancing around and singing the commercial jingle from a local store called Toys R’ Us: “I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys R’ Us kid.  There’s a million things at Toys R’ Us that I can play with.  From bikes to trains to video games, it’s the biggest toy store there is.  I don’t want to grow up cause’ maybe if I did, then I wouldn’t be a Toys R’ Us kid.”

Poor guy.  I don’t even think that jingle’s been on the air for 20 years but I remember and love to sing it whenever it pops in my head.  A few hours later, after the sun went down and the Sabbath concluded, my mindset did a 180-degree turn.  The different side of me emerged.  The business side of my personality is far more serious, rarely jokes and is all about work.  At times, Keith can be standing right next to me, talking, and if I’m reading or responding to work-related emails, I may not even hear or see him.  I’m still working on changing that. 

I don’t know if you counted but those are four distinct personalities all bundled into one little ol’ me and that’s just the beginning of it.  Finding the man who will love us -every aspect and nuances in our various personality traits- is no easy task.  But once we find him (or better yet, he finds us) and he pledges to love, honor and cherish us til’ death do us part, we should hold on tight.

Women aren’t always easy to love and we’re never easy to figure out.  We make them work to love us.  But they do.  And we’re blessed.  So do your best to never forget that.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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People will not always be kind to you.  Drivers will cut you off on the road.  A person will speak to you unkindly as you’re walking through the grocery store.  The customer service representative tasked with assisting you with your need may not respond with anything helpful.  And that very interesting person you try to avoid because they can’t seem to control their emotions, will somehow make their way into your life over and over for no apparent reason.

Just go with it.

In life, things will rarely play out exactly as we desire.  Plans will inevitably go awry.  But one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in life is to never allow what happens in the outside world to follow me home.  The peace I experience throughout each day is not because everything around me is simple and grand; it’s oftentimes quite the contrary.  The peace I have flows from within.  I’ve built an imaginary fortress around my home, fully equipped with a moat keeping a clear division between the stress of the world and the peace maintained within our home.

This past week was filled with more surprises and frustrations than I’ve experienced in a long time.  There was a part of me that wished I could retreat and not deal with any of it.  But where is the growth in that?  A part of becoming a better person is to face life’s difficulties head on and challenge yourself to be better, respond better, and love more fully – no matter what.

This weekend, I issue this challenge to you: Just go with it.  No matter what happens in the outside world, don’t allow it to negatively impact your family or your home.  Be the keeper of peace and the manifestation of love for your husband and your children.  And most importantly, don’t allow anyone to do anything that takes away your joy or challenges your internal peace.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Oft times, at wedding ceremonies you’ll hear the officiant reference the “two becoming one.”  I love that.  To think that two people raised with completely different upbringings and polar opposite personalities have this remarkable ability to forsake so much in a pursuit to become one with their spouse.  What an amazing gift for those who succeed.

Unfortunately, many misunderstand this statement.  They misinterpret this biblical verse.  They think fading into the backdrop or somehow morphing into their spouse is what it means to become one.  As an incredibly strong woman with a very distinct personality (my husband is somewhere reading this and saying, “Amen!”), I thank God that is not what this means.  When I was thinking recently about about the two becoming one, I immediately thought about Nat King Cole.

Do you remember the year Nat King Cole’s daughter, singer Natalie Cole, released the album of duets with her father?  Decades after his death, she remastered his songs to sing an album of perfect duets.  The title track, “Unforgettable,” is not one which will be soon forgotten.  Their voices complimented each other in every way.  They poured their heart and soul into each song, but they were clearly different.  Distinguishably separate.  They sang as one, but they were clearly two. 

I think about the lemon and orange tree in my backyard whose seeds were planted so close together the tree trunks grew side-by-side and almost look as though they are completely intertwined.  It is difficult to figure out where the orange tree begins and where the lemon tree ends but they clearly bear two different fruits.  The lemons are never quite sour and the oranges are rarely perfectly sweet.  But we love them because they remind us of how unique it is for two fruits to combine as one, while remaining uniquely and wonderfully separate.  

There are so many keys to enjoying life and loving yourself just as God intended you to me.  One of those is to never stop being exactly as you were created to be.  Your husband is meant to strengthen you, sharpen you, challenge you and make you a better person in every way, shape and form.  But he is not here to eclipse you.  He is not here to become you.  And you are not here to become him.  

Your husband married you because of something special he saw in you.  He was drawn to your uniqueness.  Don’t lose that in the pursuit of “becoming one.”  Compliment each other.  Build each other up.  Don’t become one another.  I have a friend who says, “If two people are just alike, then one of them is unnecessary.”

Be you.  Be unique.  Be unforgettable.  And allow your husband to fall in love with you again and again…just as the day he first said, “I do.”

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Prior to meeting my husband there were few things I wanted more than to be a mom.  My desire was to have our first child in the first couple years of marriage and then to have another a few years later.  One boy followed by a girl.  Several months into our marriage we went to a couples Bible study and there must have been fertilization in the water.  Out of the five couples taking part in the study, three became pregnant.  It saddened me.  I wanted a child too.

During one of the studies, I became a bit emotional because Keith had decided we should wait at least a year before diving into parenthood.  We’d discussed this in premarital counseling and I agreed with this decision 100% until everyone around us began getting pregnant.  My resolve began to waver.  But we stuck to our premarital decision and I’m so grateful we did.

Because we didn’t have children, we were able to travel together.  We were able to spend hours, days, weeks and years learning more about each other.  We know one another like the back of our hands and that has everything to do with the time we’ve had with each other pre-children.

Gleaning marital wisdom from so many successful couples in our inaugural year encouraged us to remain childless for the first 5 years of our marriage.  I wrestled with this decision many times during those years, but now that I’m on the other side of it, I fully understand the need for newlyweds to spend as much time as possible getting accustomed to the various quirks and nuances about their spouse.

I’ve met women all over the world who spend so much time thinking about their future as a mother that they miss the joys of the current day.  They can only focus on what they do not have – children – instead of focusing on the love that stands right before their eyes.  I am a true believer that one of the worst mistakes we can make in life is worrying so much about tomorrow that we lose sight of the gift that is the present.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and for many childless wives it was a disappointing day.  If you are one of those women, or know someone who spent yesterday in a state of sadness, I want to encourage you.  The best things in life comes to those who wait.  But while you are waiting, enjoy every moment of every day.  You will never regret not worrying about what will happen in the future but you will regret not taking the time to enjoy the moments you have today.

Invest more time in your marriage.  Nurture your own body, mind and soul.  Spend this time becoming a whole person; a happy person.  Then the joy that overflows from within you will one day be passed on to your children.  And they will be blessed.  Because of you.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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You don’t know this but I was a Motown baby.  My father was one of the writers and producers at Hitsville U.S.A. in Detroit, MI.  He worked with all the greats from Smokey Robinson to Stevie Wonder to the Four Tops and Tempations, Diana Ross and the Supremes and the list goes on and on.

But I’m a country music-loving girl.  I enjoy Motown and R & B in general but if you ask me about the greatest artist of all time, I’ll answer without flinching for one moment: Garth Brooks.  The best concert I’ve ever attended: Garth Brooks.  My favorite duo: Faith Hill and Tim McGraw (one of my favorite concerts of all time).  I grew up with gold and platinum records all over the walls of my father’s office but never took the time to listen to any of his music.

Then I married Keith.  He looked my Dad up on Wikipedia and gave me a history lesson for some reason growing up I never cared to learn much about.  Some of the greatest love songs in history my father wrote and/or produced, including the one I thought about just a moment ago as I was daydreaming about walking along the Marina with my hubby: Still Waters (Run Deep).

There is something about still waters that make my heart feel at peace.  Walking hand-in-hand with Keith, we walk along the water and without so much as saying a word, we comfort each other.  We remind one another no matter how hectic life may be, it’ll never pass us by, because still waters run deep and so do he and I.

As we head into the second weekend in May, I’m reminded of how quickly this year has flown.  If we don’t take the time to pause, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes and simply remind each other there is no earthly bond more important than the relationship we have with each other…life will absolutely pass us by.  We have to live each moment intent to not forget that just as still waters run deep, so does my love for him and his love for me.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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This past weekend I attended an amazing fundraising gala for International Justice Mission (IJM), one of the most effective human’s rights organizations in the world.  They have been and remain on the frontlines of fighting injustice around the world, and especially in the area of human trafficking.

One of my closest girlfriends, and a founding member of this Club, works for IJM.  She introduced me to one of her colleagues, a lovely and beautiful woman from South Africa (with a fabulous accent).  She and I’d been previously introduced via email but had never met face-to-face.  The moment I met her I knew she had such a wonderful and loving spirit.  I’m drawn to people like that so I can spot them a mile away.

Within the first minute of meeting me, after joking with my friend about the difference in the way she pronounces “Fawn” versus my girlfriend (I must admit, I prefer the way my name sounds with a South African accent), my new South African friend took me by the hands, looked in my eyes and said, “Honey, I love your blog.  I love what you’re doing.  But, I must say,” she began in that fabulous accent of hers, “you don’t have kids, do you?”  

I knew where she was going with this because I’ve had this happen so many times.  When Keith and I were first married (and visibly in love) we’d have people tell us that wouldn’t last beyond the newlywed years.  Then when I left the restaurant business to work in a slightly more sane industry, I took a few months off.  During that time I was helping one of my relatives in her marriage and was informed the reason Keith and I were so happy was I wasn’t working.  Forget that I’ve been working non-stop since I was 18 years old and more often than not for 14+ hours per day.  

Now, we’ve been married for a decade next year, we both work 70+ hours per week, my in-laws (who I adore) moved in with us several years ago and yet we’re more in love today than on our wedding day.

We made a choice.  If you’ve read this blog for some time, you know that choice was to wake up each morning and no matter what life throws our way, we determined to choose to be happy in our marriage.  It was the best piece of marriage advice I’ve ever received and so I share it with you as often as possible.  If everything around us is crazy, we’ll deal with it.  We will not allow that to impact the joy we feel in our relationship or the love we have for one another.

It is not because we don’t desire children that we do not have them.  And I know many women who are miserable because they too have had a tough time getting their egg and their hubby’s little swimmers to intimately meet.  I know women who would shoot themselves rather than have their in-laws come visit, let alone invite them to live in the same home.  I know marriages who could not survive the hectic work weeks Keith and I have come to know over the years (thank God for the Sabbath…our sanity).

The happiness in our marriage is not because we don’t have children.  It’s because we’ve made a choice.  And we make the same choice daily.  No matter what life throws our way, I am confident as long as this mindset does not change, we will continue to live a life of happiness.  What about you?  Have you made that choice?  It’s in your power to do so.  As the Nike motto goes, “Just Do It.”

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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The past three months have been the most hectic of my life.  When I began this year, I had certain goals I wanted to achieve in terms of my life, family, and business.  I quickly began going about the business of reaching my goals.  My days and evenings were filled to the brim, but there was always a time of rest.  I’d stop in the middle of the day and instead of eating lunch I’d practice power yoga for an hour.  

Although my year was off to a busy start, I still felt in control.  Things were moving at a pace I was comfortable with and did not feel overwhelmed.

Then life happened.

I agreed to consult on a major project which was not a part of my plan this year.  I signed on to another project which would require I travel to all 7 continents and 12 countries prior to September for research.  Again, something that was not a part of the plan.  My company was preparing to launch a subsidiary by the summer.  Because of the two projects above , I don’t know this will still happen.

I don’t feel in control.  As a matter of fact, I’ve been feeling a bit as if my life is running ahead of me and I’m doing my darndest to catch up.  Then this past weekend, on the Sabbath, I had an epiphany.  Actually, I was simply reminded of something I already knew.  This is just a season in my life.  It is a finite period of time which will soon pass.  I can spend my time trying to gain control of the situation or I can simply enjoy each day, do my best to make the greatest impact possible, and allow the chips to fall where they may.

It’s only one season, I was reminded.  Just a brief moment in time.  Next year, there will be new challenges and more projects to overwhelm me and this hectic moment in time will be long forgotten.  At that time, I will be faced with the same choice: Will I learn to appreciate my life in terms of seasons or allow myself to become overwhelmed?  The choice for me is clear.  What about you?  Can you push yourself to do it?  Learn to embrace the season you’re in and trust that anything overwhelming will soon pass and all that will remain is your health, strength, family…and the season yet to come.

Until tomorow…make it a great day!

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