A large burgundy chair sits empty in Sandy’s home.  That was Jim’s chair.  I met Sandy online.  She’d joined HWC and captured my attention immediately.  In her first interaction with the Club, she asked if a widow could join the Club.  She recalls receiving such a warm welcome from the members.  Many posted notes assuring her she was welcome.  And in return she’s never stopped pouring out words of wisdom.

She knew the secret to a happy marriage.  I was certain of it.  She knew the key to promising to be together until the very end and keeping that vow.  I learned she lives in San Diego, California.  Just down the coast from me.  It’s one of the most beautiful coastlines in California.  The ocean breeze can be felt anywhere within 20 miles of the beaches.  

After a beautiful drive, it was time to meet Sandy.  She immediately began speaking about her late husband –his calm and steady nature, his patience, his support, his love for his family.  “I don’t want you to think I’m speaking of him so highly because he’s dead.”  I assured her I did not.  “I would speak of him the same way if he were sitting right here next to me.”  

So what is the reason she was able to hold on to such a loving relationship through the very end , I asked.  How did they manage to keep their love so strong that she still regularly sat on his lap after 50 years of marriage (and after she’d picked up quite a bit of weight according to her)?  She shared many.  Most of which I will share with you tomorrow as this post is getting really long.  

Divorce was never a thought.  No consideration was ever given to a plan B.  

One of my favorite quotes comes from an American actor, Will Smith.  Regarding his continuous success in films and business he said, “I don’t have a plan B, it distracts from plan A.”  In a later interview he expounded upon that, “Even contemplating a plan B necessitates a plan B.”

The reason they very rarely argued, listened to each other sides and if they couldn’t come to an agreement together just calmly agreed to disagree, is because they never put a pressure on themselves to resolve an issue immediately.  As far as they were concerned, they would be together forever so an agreement could be reached over time.  They were never so invested in their position they weren’t willing to consider the other’s opinion.

All in all, they loved like there was no tomorrow.  Treated each other with kindness like it might be the last day they’d be able to extend it.  And as they found out much sooner than Sandy was ready, tomorrow is never promised so love with all your heart today.

Question: Do you sometimes “sweat the small stuff”?  How do you think looking at every conversation with your spouse through that lens of “this next moment is not promised” might change it?

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 39,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

As I begin this expedition around the world to 7 continents and 12 countries in search of the secret to a happy marriage, I may have to nix one answer from the offset: Putting God First.  I have a strong belief in God and my entire life is shaped in response to that.  But I don’t know how that answer can possibly help anyone who either believes in God or at this present moment does not.

This may be a controversial post, so in advance, I ask that you keep your comments on our Facebook Community page cordial and considerate to others.  Many will agree with this viewpoint and many will disagree.  That’s okay.  

The purpose of my worldwide journey is to discover what separates those with happy marriages from those with unhappy ones and the conscious and subconscious choices both have made to impact their relationship.  This is the reason the inaugural request I made in my first interview was to think beyond the cliché of, “Put God first.”  

I call it a cliché because so many I’ve heard over the years (many, not all) who have used this as their response are the same ones who are unkind, rude and impatient with their husband and children.  It’s seems to be a blanket answer with little thought behind it; possibly used as an excuse for doing little to nothing proactive in one’s own relationship.

My goal throughout this journey, which will conclude toward the end of the year, is to share lessons that can be duplicated or improved upon in your marriage.  Every “secret” will help elevate your marriage from good to great.  Every morsel of advice will first be dipped in in the well of wisdom before dispensed to you.  

I commit to you through every posting on this site, I will do my best to always give practical tips; ones that can be applied in your marriage immediately to reap great rewards.  My belief is no matter how wonderful a relationship may be, it can always be better.  And no matter how much we think we know on any particular subject -especially marriage- someone always knows more.

In my travel to San Diego, California to meet Sandy, a happy wife of 53 years, I set out to discover her secret to a healthy, loving and fulfilled marriage.  What I left with was a determination to make changes to improve my own.  Her frankness (not to mention her feistiness) was wonderfully refreshing and I look forward to sharing our conversation with you tomorrow.

Here is today’s question: Do you believe “putting God first” is the secret to a happy marriage?  And if so, what does this really mean…in practical terms?  And does this mean those who do not believe in God cannot have a successful, loving and fulfilling marriage?  

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 39,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

I can’t believe the time has finally come for me to pack my bags and begin this journey of a lifetime.  I’ll start in San Diego, California with an interview sure to knock your socks off (and mine).  

Sandy was married to her husband, Jim, for 53 years until he passed away not too long ago.  She’s a member of this club and from the moment she began participating in our Facebook Community, I knew I wanted to meet her.  The loss of her husband was still raw and the advice and wisdom she posted for all of us to gleen from let me know she knows what marriage is all about and how to make it last.

Join me this Monday, as I begin travelling the world in search of the secret to a happy marriage, and sharing all I learn with you.

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 39,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

Tonight, after returning from Miami on a redeye flight, Keith and I headed down to baggage claim at Los Angeles International airport a little before midnight.  We were tired and hadn’t been told which luggage carousel would contain our bags so we just picked a place to stop and check email on our iPhones.

We were some of the first passengers to arrive and the others seemed to be confused about which carousel would contain our bags so they stood on the outskirts of the baggage claim area.  Keith and I also had no clue but decided to just choose one of the four available carousels to stand near.

Before we knew it, we were joined by a crowd.  All those who were standing along the walls joined us at the carousel we’d chosen.  Then all the passengers arriving from the various flights saw our carousel was the only one with people around it so they came over, as well.  After 50 or so joined us I turned to Keith and said, “We must really look like we know where we’re going because all these folks are standing at this carousel because of us.”  Keith looked up from checking emails on his phone and chuckled a bit.  He’d noticed the same thing.

Fifteen minutes later, there were more than 100 people standing around carousel number 4.  The one Keith and I randomly chose to stop at to check our emails.  I’m sure you can guess how this story ends.  All of our bags came down on…carousel number 3.

This is precisely the problem with following the crowd.  You never know where you’re headed is where you need to be.  When it comes to your marriage and family, be a leader not a follower.  And if you are simply uncomfortable charting your own path, or don’t know which way to go, make sure the one(s) you’re following are leading you in the direction you want to go.  Make sure their advice is leading you to a marriage filled with love, peace, laughter and a lifetime of happiness.  And the way you’ll know if they know where they’re leading is if they’ve already arrived at the destination or have been there before and know the best way back.

If you’re happily married and haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With nearly 39,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

This post is a part of a series we began last week, 101 Ways to Improve Your Marriage.  I asked thousands of members of this Club what ways they’d suggest for improving one’s marriage.  The many responses we received is what has -and will continue to- shape this series.

If you’re already a ‘Happy Wife,’ make sure to Join the Club.  If you are working toward becoming more fulfilled in your marriage, this series is definitely for you.  If your marriage is all you ever hoped or dreamed, this series is also for you because we always have room for improvement.

4. Respect His Fathering and Leadership

What a tricky, tricky subject.  But with Father’s Day fresh in our minds, I’d be remiss not to include this important suggestion.  From the time most of us were young girls, we had mothering on the mind.  

In my case, I had seven Cabbage Patch dolls, all of which I considered my children.  As I got older, I babysat as often as possible and had this amazing ability to make any child stop crying.  To say I was a baby whisperer would be an overstatement but to say I was born with maternal instincts would have been an understatement.

Most men on the other hand, grew up playing with Tonka trucks, trains, wrestler toys and anything “macho.”  If they were born with a paternal instinct, that would be incredibly rare.  It’s just the way we’re wired.  Whenever I see a 5-year old girl in a store pushing a toy baby stroller around with their doll in it, I’m reminded of this fact.

What comes natural to us, men have to take the time to learn.  In many instances, they’ll need our help.  But in some cases, they must find their own path to parenthood.  Their style of fathering may be different from your style of mothering.  As a matter of fact, that is likely the case.  But allowing your husband to be a leader to his child is important.  It’s crucial to your children’s development and it’s critical to your marriage.

Men, with all their strengths, have many weaknesses.  Pride and ego seem to be innate characteristics.  They need pats on the back.  They need to be told they’re needed, desired, loved.  In this regard, they are far more fragile and needy than we are (although they will likely never say it).  They need to be told they’re a good dad.  And they need to be given the ability to father their children.

He’s going to make mistakes in parenting.  Probably even more than you.  But it’s important to your marriage and important to your child.  It’s a matter of trust.  It’s a matter of honor.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 38,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

We are happy wives because we have husbands who love and cherish us.  And for many of us, our husbands are also fathers.  Let’s spend this day expressing our appreciation for their kindness, dedication, leadership and love.

To be shared with the one you love:

If you haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 38,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

This morning, after sleeping more than 11 hours straight, I rolled over and looked at the clock.  Yikes!  I meet so many of you here first thing in the morning on Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays and today I’m late.  Incredibly late.  But I’ve got a good reason.

I slept.  That may not sound like a good reason but my body clearly needed it.  I’ve been working such long hours, as has Keith, so we decided to take a few days off and travel to Aruba.  I came a day ahead because he had a last minute meeting he had to take before joining me here.  Now, I excitedly await his arrival.

As I was walking along the beach yesterday afternoon, I was reminded of how much I enjoyed being alone when I was single.  This is a very romantic island so many seemed confused when I asked for a table for one at dinner last night.  But I did that alot when I was single and it never struck me as odd (although I can’t say the same for the waiters who served me).  I was perfectly happy and content when I met my husband.  I truly enjoyed being alone.

Then love changed all that.  My life went from wonderful to absolutely amazing.  As much as I enjoyed being single, I can’t imagine going back to that place.  Life with my husband is so much better.  I never minded having dinner alone, I even enjoyed it.  But having someone to talk to, laugh with, smile at and hold hands under the table, is such a gift.  A gift I do not take for granted.

So as I sit in my hotel room in Aruba, overlooking the beautiful ocean, I am thinking about three things: the amazing wonders of God’s hands painting this beautiful earth, my hubby who is on a plane Aruba-bound, and you.  I’m thinking about you this moment hoping you will cherish your extraordinary life with the one you love.  Being single was fun, but nothing compares to a lifetime with your best friend.

If you haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 38,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook 

When you’re writing about improving one’s marriage and title the blog post, Focus On You, I imagine it might raise a few eyebrows.  But I truly believe this to be one of the most important things we as women can do to improve our marriage.

If you’re joining us for the first time today, we’re at the beginning of a series titled, 101 Ways to Improve Your Marriage.  Every marriage, no matter how healthy, strong or happy can be improved.  And there are so many married couples who would just settle for being happy sometimes.  

This series is for those at both ends of the spectrum and everyone in between.

2. Put Some Focus On Yourself

I was watching a roundtable today which included a popular American actress, Jada Pinkett-Smith, her daughter and her mother.  Pinkett-Smith was expressing to her daughter the difficulty of balancing being a mom, wife and having a career.  In her explanation I was reminded of a truth so many women forget about: In our quest to be loving moms and wives, we cannot forget about taking care of ourselves.

Women by nature are nurturers.  Innately, we desire to care for someone other than ourselves.  But what happens when our happiness is dependent upon another?  What happens when we begin living our lives vicariously through our husband or child?  What happens is we lose sight of self.  We lose our connection with the spirit inside us guiding us through this thing called life.  We fail to live up to all God intends for us to be because we’re so busy focusing on everyone else.

Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying.  There is a wonderful quote often attributed to Winston Churchill that my husband has written on a white board right next to our front door, “We make a living by what we get.  We make a life by what we give.”  The most significant things we will do in this lifetime will all involve giving.  We were created to give more than we receive.  But, and it’s a big but, we must also be okay with receiving.

Give to your husband.  Give to your children.  But also give to yourself.  Set time aside to simply “be.”  Meditate, read, garden, do whatever you love to do and find some time to do it alone.  To take your marriage from good to great, spend a little more time on you.  Don’t consider it selfish; consider it healthy.  Your husband and children will both thank you for it because you set the tone for your home.  You control the peace within it.  And when momma’s happy…everybody’s happy.

If you haven’t taken the time to join the Club, make sure to join us today.  It takes only seconds and, of course, it’s completely free.  Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 37,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

This past Friday, I posted a message on our Facebook page asking the members of this club to share their advice and top suggestion for improving one’s marriage.  I posed this question to this wonderful group of more than 37,000 women so I could share with you their best advice.

This series, 101 Ways to Improve Your Marriage, is to be shared with every married woman – whether happy or unhappy in their marriage.  What better place to learn about how to improve your marriage than from a group of happily married women from all over the world?  

Many of our members are certified marriage and relationship counselors, PhD-holding clinical psychologist, and some of the most well respected relationship writers out there.  And more important than those who do this for a living are those who live it everyday.  Those who love marriage and have learned how to make it work best.

Learn from us.  Join the Club.  And grow in your own marriage.  Over the next few months, I’ll write often on this topic and choose Quick Tips members have submitted, as well as notes posted on our Facebook and Twitter communities with advice for their fellow wives.  So here’s the first way to improve your marriage:

1. Add More Laughter to Your Marriage

Yesterday, Keith and I had lunch with friends who have been married for more than 57 years.  When we sat down for brunch, Keith asked, “So what’s the secret to your marriage?”  Our friend Carl responded, “Well, the first 55 years were a bit tough but after that it was all downhill.  It gets much easier by year 56.”  With that, he and his wife simultaneously burst out laughing.  

Time and time again, when I speak to couples happily married after 20, 30, 40, 50-plus years together, this issue of laughter inevitably comes up in the conversation.  An ability to make each other laugh and an even greater ability to not take yourself too seriously.

Life will rarely be picture perfect.  Laughing at the flaws in your life is a part of what makes it worth living.  And according to our members, as well as experienced in my own marriage, laughter is most certainly the best medicine.  Find something to laugh about today.  Something silly, something serious.  It doesn’t matter, just use those laugh muscles as often as you’re able.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 37,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

When I was a teenager, I hated the way I looked.  Everything that made me unique -caramel colored skin, hazel-green eyes, ashe-colored hair with natural blond highlights- I didn’t like.  I looked too different from all the other kids.  Skinny legs, no boobs, no hips or anything else that resembled a direction toward womanhood.

When I began wearing makeup, I had a distorted view of myself.  Because my sister, Launi, was several shades lighter than me, I thought I was dark-skinned.  Really dark-skinned.  I remember wearing foundation for the first time to church and having a woman come up and tell me how I should allow her to teach me how to do my makeup.  

What was wrong with my makeup?  Well, looking back at it, I know what was wrong with with it.  I was wearing a foundation on my skin several shades too dark.  I probably looked like I’d been embalmed.

As I got older and began to fall in love with the way I looked, who I was on the inside, and the world overall, everything changed.  My features I once wished I could change became my favorite physical attributes.  My natural thin frame became my best friend.  I fell in love with the person God made me to be.  And by doing so, I fell in love with the world around me.

I love life.  I am a happy woman and a happy wife.  But that began first with me.  When I met my husband, I was happier than any single person I knew then or know now.  I loved life and had no problem going to a restaurant and requesting a table for one.  I went to the movies by myself, ate popcorn by myself and laughed out loud like I was on a date – but it was just me.

So often, people look to their marriage to make them happy.  They look to their husband to find joy.  Happiness and joy cannot come from that which is external.  True happiness comes from within; a satisfaction and contentment with yourself first and foremost.  

When you look in the mirror, do you like the person looking back at you?  If not, that is where you must start.  Fall in love with the person God created you to be and the entire world will take on a different look and shape.  Joy will be all around you.  Peace will live within you.  And happiness will be yours for the taking.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 37,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

On Monday, I shared with you my upcoming adventure.  It begins in just a few weeks so I wanted you to know a little more about it.  I will blog from every city and country I visit and will share with you tidbits of my research throughout the next couple of months.

In every city I visit, I hope to meet many of you.  In places like Mauritius, Fiji, and the Philippines where we have thousands of members, we hope to gather as many members as possible for a simple time of fellowship.  Possibly tea and scones or in the case of Fiji, a trip to McDonald’s (where we’ve been told there’s only one and it’s the best and place to meet).

Below are the list of cities we will be visiting.  If you are within driving distance, please let me know by sending an email to fawn@happywivesclub.com.  I’d love to finally meet you in person, as well as for you to meet other Club members near you.

Winnipeg, Canada
Cape Town, South Africa
Johannesburg, South Africa
Mauritius
London, England
Zagreb, Croatia
Rome, Italy
Manila, Philippines
Perth, Australia
Sydney, Australia
Auckland, New Zealand
Nadi, Fiji
Buenos Aires, Argentina
Ushuaia, Argentina
Antarctic Peninsula (we don’t have any members here yet so I’m determined to find one!)

Looking forward to meeting each of you and for those whose cities we’re not stopping at on this trip, make sure to check the blog regularly as I will update you on what I learn from each of the members we meet and the happily married couples I interview.  Together we will discover if there is a universal secret to a happy marriage.

Until Friday…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 37,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook

Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, South America, North America and the Antarctic Peninsula - all seven continents – that’s where I’m headed.  The Netherlands, Canada, South Africa, Mauritius, London, Croatia, Italy, Philippines, Australia, New Zealand, Figi and Argentina – 12 countries – that is where I will rest my head.

In just a few weeks I will embark on a journey I never imagined and before three book publishers -independent from each other- asked that I come up with an idea for a book related to happy marriages, I’d not given it even one moment’s thought.  But once the question was posed, I immediately knew what I’d be interested in writing about and discovering throughout the process.

This Club is represented by women in nearly 100 countries.  Women with different backgrounds, upbringings, religious beliefs, economic circumstances, and a list of differences longer than this singular blog post can contain.  And even with all these differences, there is a common thread, a universal similarity among us all: we have an innate desire to be happy and to experience true joy in every aspect of our lives, beginning at home with our families.

And there is another thread I have found woven in every conversation, with each of you around the world.  There are most certainly many secrets to a happy marriage.  And those of you married 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 and even close to 70 years seem to know all of them.  We share these secrets with each other on our community Facebook page, through Twitter or “Quick Tips” on marriage submitted by HWC members.  But what I’ve noticed over the past two years is they all have a similar theme; they all seem to point to the same overarching secret.

In less than 3 weeks, I will leave US soil and travel around the world in search of the secret to a happy marriage.  I will interview couples happily married 20 years or more and will discover what each of them consider their greatest “secret” to a happy marriage.

Yesterday at church, our pastor mentioned a couple in the church who just celebrated their 50th anniversary.  The husband is 70 years old and has been a part of the facilities team at the church for quite some time.  When seeing the wife in the parking lot, Pastor Rick went over to her and said, “So, what is the secret to your [happy] marriage after 50 years?”  Without hesitation she responded, “I never tried to change him.”

The wife then rolled up the windows to her car and drove away.  Pastor Rick then saw her husband who was still working and posed the exact same question, “After 50 years, what’s your secret to a [happy] marriage?”  His answer was identical, “I never tried to change her.”

I smiled listening to our pastor recount this story as I knew I’d be sharing with you today this amazing journey I will begin in just a few weeks.  A journey which will hopefully result in a gift to every married couple around the world, especially those new in marriage and trying to navigate these sometimes challenging waters: The Secret to a Happy Marriage.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With close to 37,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation: Happy Wives Club Facebook