If gratitude had a baby, it’s name would be happiness.  If happiness had a baby, it’s name would be kindness.  Gratitude begets happiness and happiness begets kindness. These are two lessons I continue to learn every day.

Whenever there is a time I don’t feel happy, I remind myself to pause and begin thinking about all the things I have to be grateful for and I immediately begin to smile.  The little things like the ocean, stars, sun, moon, trees, grass, beautiful flowers and peanut butter (oh, how I love peanut butter).  The big things like my family, friends, writing, this club and frozen yogurt (oh, how I love sweets).

I would run out of paper before I finished writing all the reasons I have to be grateful.  Without intention, that gratefulness naturally leads to happiness.  And when I’m happy, I smile more, I’m far more patient with others and I am kind.  

I’d love to believe I’m always kind to everyone I encounter but I know that’s not the case.  When I’m rushed or stressed, I know I’m not as kind to others as I’d hope to be.  It’s during these times I have to be reminded to pause…be grateful…and allow my gratitude to elevate my attitude in that moment.  The moment I do that, I notice everything around me begin to shift for the better.

Maybe it’s the endorphins -you know, those biochemical substances that give us a feeling of euphoria and well-being- that are released when we laugh.  When we’re spending time with our family and friends, focusing on what is beautiful and lovely in our lives, that’s when everything seems to fall in place.

Yesterday, on our Facebook community page, I asked members what their husbands sometimes do that make them laugh.  Just reading the responses made me laugh.  I’ve heard it said that “happiness is fleeting.”  I can’t say I completely agree with that statement.  It seems to me that gratitude is what is fleeting and to find happiness, one need not look any further than the mirror.

Happiness is a choice, I’m often reminded.  And my happiness begins the moment I open my eyes in the morning and whisper, “Thank you” and continues throughout the day with an overwhelming sense of gratefulness.

Question: What do you feel most grateful for today?

Until tomorrow…make it a great one!

Comments: With more than 70,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

Travelling back from a conference in Las Vegas this past Sunday, I stopped at the curbside skycap counter to check in my bag.  The handsome man came from behind the counter and met me at the curb to get my bag, “Heading out on Southwest?” he asked with a gorgeous smile.

After handing him my driver’s license, he asked if Weaver was a married last name.  ”Yes, why?” I asked.  I wasn’t thinking he was hitting on me because men very rarely -if ever- do that.  I think the huge smile on my face must tell them, “I’m soooo happily married don’t even bother!”  But this guy ventured into inquiry territory.

“If you weren’t married, I would be initiating a completely different conversation,” he continued.  I smiled.  Compliments are flattering.  But as to ensure my smile wasn’t misleading, “I’m not just married.  I’m reaaaallly happily married,” I responded.  He smiled and then said something that didn’t really hit me until, by happenstance, I watched the first minute of a Train video someone posted on Twitter this morning called Marry Me.  

“Oh, don’t worry,” the skycap told me, “I respect the ring.  When a man asks a woman to marry him, he’s serious.  Men don’t just ask women to marry them.  They mean it when they say it.”

He is so right.  Men will date for decades before proposing to “the one.”  Unlike women, it is not frowned upon for a man to be a bachelor and to be with a different woman every month.  His friends will give him high fives.  And women these days have made it far too easy for a man not to need to propose.  You know the saying…why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?  

 When a man proposes, as the skycap reminded me, he believes he’s found the one person who makes it worth it to forsake all others.  Your husband had more women to choose from than he could ever count (all men do).  And yet, he chose you!  Don’t you find that fact awesome, fascinating, lovely, beautiful and just all around amazing?  I certainly do.

As you go into this weekend, think about the love in your husband’s eyes when he asked you to marry him (whether or not he did so on bended knee).  He pledged his life to you.  And that, my friend, is incredible.

Question: How did your husband propose to you and do you remember the exact day?

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

Comments: With more than 69,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation.  

JOIN US: If you’re happily married, join the club.  It takes only a few seconds and is FREE!

Following my father’s passing a few weeks ago, people flooded my mother’s home with flowers.  Many people sent flowers to our house, which I promptly dropped off at mom’s.  The interesting thing is whether or not people knew my mom’s favorite flower, they all instinctively sent the same kind: orchids.

Orchids are my mother’s favorite flowers.  They’re mine, as well, but I don’t keep them around the house for one simple reason: I kill them.  I physically kill them no matter how hard I try to take care of them.  When it comes to orchids -really, when it comes to any potted plant- I can’t seem to keep them alive.

When I visited my mom yesterday, I commented on how so many had sent orchids to her house and mine.  She responded with a smile, “You know why orchids are my favorite flower?”  No, I realized I didn’t.  ”They’re so easy to keep alive.”  Really?  They could have fooled me.  

She explained that most people over-water orchids which is why they die.  But she loves them because they only require one cup of water, once a week, and they remain living and vibrant.

Thinking on her words, I thought about an event I attended recently for online writers.  When I’d tell people I wrote about being happily married or that the name of this site was the Happy Wives Club, I received one of two responses.  Either they loved that I focused exclusively on the positive side of marriage or they kindly excused themselves from the conversation.

Everyone’s experience in marriage is different.  Everyone’s concept of how to take care of their family varies.  Just like the difference between orchids at my home that die after just a couple weeks and orchids at mom’s house that seem to live forever.  Marriage is no different than every other living thing in life.  The outcome will be determined by how well we tend to and care for it.  Mom knew to water once a week, and only one cup.  I thought I was doing a great job by watering daily.  I was wrong.

I may have a black thumb when it comes to plants but I definitely have a green thumb when it comes to caring for my marriage.  And working toward getting better at it each day.

Question:  How important do you think “date night” is to maintaining a happy and healthy marriage?  Do you and your husband schedule them regularly?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 69,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation. 

I am so grateful to have had such wonderful guest writers for the past two weeks as I focused on family and the passing of my father.  Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement.  I will return on Friday with a post just for you.  

Our guest writer today is Laurie Watson, a marriage counselor with over two decades of experience and a sex therapist.  She blogs on Psychology Today’s online site: Married and Still Doing It and can be reached on her Facebook community page.  She serves us food for thought in today’s blog post.

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Balancing our human needs for connection and autonomy as a couple is the secret to marital happiness.  We need closeness, connection, love and sex.  It’s why we got married in the first place!  And we also need space, respect, agency and autonomy.  While both partners have both needs, in marriage, we often corner the market on one end of the spectrum.

For instance, Suzie loves to chat when she and her husband Frank rendezvous in the evening.  She enjoyed their dating days when they spent long hours hanging out and relaxing together.  Her favorite way to end the day would be a long walk holding hands, a cozy dinner and snuggling on the couch watching their favorite shows. 

Frank, however, likes to do solitary activities to calm down after his day.  He’ll spend hours on the computer checking emails and playing a game or two.  His work absorbs much of his energy and he’s passionately involved in his career.  He goes along with Suzie’s ideas but doesn’t initiate plans for the family. Sex is how he feels most relaxed and connected to Suzie. She likes sex after she feels emotionally close.

Suzie is an emotional pursuer and Frank is a sexual pursuer but an emotional distancer.  Without a strategy, this pattern brings disillusionment and difficulties.  The pursuer chases only to have the distancer run away creating a frustrating dance.  While the pursuer seemed seductive early in the relationship, now he/she closes the gap with criticism and anger. 

Pursuers say, “You starve me,” and feel most afraid of abandonment. Distancers might have seemed stable and solid, but later seem passive and absent.  Distancers say, “Whatever I give you is never enough” and feel most afraid of being controlled.  We often flip-flop our basic positions when it comes to sex.

Becoming flexible with our partner and understanding their needs is marriage insurance.  The challenge for emotional pursuers is to stop criticizing and reduce anger.  Make a direct request instead. The distancer must feed their partner with love the way their partner experiences love.  To change the cycle, each must commit to an unconditional effort, giving without begrudging and without measuring the other’s reciprocal effort.

Question: They say “opposites attract.”  If you married a man quite different from you, how were you able to create a relationship that continues to flourish?

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Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 68,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation.

Today, we have a guest post by Karen Jones, a relationship coach since 1997, who loves to help wives have scrumptious relationships with their husbands. 

Visit Karen’s website www.TheHeartMatters.com to learn more.  I hope you enjoy today’s post and as always… 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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My husband Craig and I will be celebrating our 18^th wedding anniversary on October 8^th.  And we’re more in love than the day we got married. 

Unlike with both of our first marriages, our relationship gets better every year.  Why?  Because we shower each other with the precious gifts of:

* Unconditional acceptance

* Generosity of spirit (I explain more of this below)

* A commitment to meeting each other’s needs

Neither one of us had anything close to a good role model growing up, so, for most of our adult lives, we acted from what we had been taught directly, or – more insidious and powerful – what we had observed.

Of all the things I’ve learned over the years about how to have a successful marriage (and teach my clients), this one discipline I credit with having the biggest impact on being able to be the wife I am committed to being:  I always assume he’s operating from the very best motive, intention, or desire to please me, no matter how things turn out.  That, to me, is generosity of spirit.

What if the perceptions we have (the “glasses” through which we “see”) about why our husbands do what they do cause us to have hurt feelings? What then? Most likely, we strike back. (That had been my primary defense: a good offense – and it caused me to be mad at my first husband for most of the five years that we were married!)    

I found that telling myself a better-feeling story – choosing a perception that kept my heart open, grateful and loving – was the ticket to more and more generosity, humor, love, and deeper trust between us.  That’s a lot of great stuff to get from switching the lenses I’m looking through!

And the best part?  Just about 100% of the time, the stories I’ve had to tell myself to feel better were the ones that were true!

Question: When your husband “misses the mark” on a specific desire of yours (date, anniversary gift, etc), do you make an effort to recognize and appreciate his good intention rather than the momentary shortcoming?

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Comments: With more than 67,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation.

I just LOVE this idea!  One of the reasons I adore The Dating Divas is they are nine awesome women who all love their husbands and are committed to keeping their marriages fresh.  They come up with the best and most unique date night ideas and simple things we can do to keep marriage fun and alive.  I hope you’ll enjoy this post as much as me.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

**Guest Post provided by Sarina with The Dating Divas.

Once upon a time in the world of technology came a website that would create your very own personalized happily ever after… for FREE! With this program you can re-tell your own love story in the form of a customized book and dedicate it to your Prince Charming. The site provides a variety of artist’s illustrations which you personally select, put in order and add your own text. You can make, share, and read these stories online for free or, for a price, you can order your own tangible soft or hard cover book. What a great way to show your love – in a gift they will always treasure!

Here Is What You Do:

1. Go to storybird.com and create your own completely free login account.

2. Follow this quick DEMO to learn HOW to create your own story.

Check out this one that I made:

Eternity Is Not Long Enough by senoritasarinita on Storybird

3. When your own story is completed you can:

• Send your story via email (completely free) wouldn’t your husband love to have this in his inbox?
• Embed the file in your blog or website (yep – free again)
• Buy a download PDF, a softcover book, or a hardcover book

Finally…

4. Give your leading man this FREE PRINTABLE CARD with your own personalized dedication and snuggle up for story time!

Not feeling technologically inclined? Check out this homemade book craft tutorial!

However you decide to document your story – here’s to happy endings!

Comments: With more than 67,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation.

Thank you for your prayers and well wishes following the recent passing of my father.  For the next week, I will continue to have guest bloggers and hope you enjoy reading their words as much as I do.  

Today’s guest writer is the awesome Dustin Riechmann, creator of Engaged Marriage, a resource that helps busy couples live a life they love.  Please check out the free Marriage Time newsletter for lots of great ideas that will keep the sparks flying in your marriage.

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When it comes to the most important relationship in your life, don’t be normal.  Normal isn’t good enough.

Unfortunately, in many relationships, “normal” represents a life of mediocrity and going through the motions.  It is simply too easy to succumb to the busyness of life and lose sight of how precious our spouse or significant other really is to us.

And it’s even easier for our partner to feel disconnected and a bit under-appreciated.  We know how we feel, and (if asked) we are quick to tell others that our spouse is a clear number one in our list of priorities…

But does your partner know how you feel?

Tell Them

It may sound trite.  It may seem overly simplistic.  But clear communication is THE KEY to a healthy and extraordinary relationship.

When you think a kind (or romantic) thought about your spouse, let them know how you feel.  Take the time to listen to them about their day and respond with some exuberance or empathy.  Show them you care by telling them that you care.

These are the little things that make us all feel appreciated and affirmed in the face of a crazy life.

Write It Down

Talking is good, but writing is great.  To leave a really meaningful and lasting impact on your partner’s heart, take a few minutes to write them a romantic love letter.  This doesn’t have to be some cheesy Hallmark spiel about angels and achy, breaky hearts…though it could be.

And it really shouldn’t be difficult.  To make it easy, here are five simple steps to write an awesome romantic letter that your significant other will cherish for life and brag to their friends about.

Just Do It

Simple, huh?

All it takes is a few minutes to create a sweet little letter that expresses the romantic feelings you usually never take the time to consider or (especially) to deliver.  With just a small effort, you have the ability to rock your relationship and make your significant other feel as special as they truly should.

It’s time.  Take the motivation you feel right now and start to jot down your thoughts.  Follow through with a heartfelt romantic letter and deliver in an awesome way.  Your spouse, and you, will be so glad that you did.

The best “pillow talk” doesn’t have to take place in bed, although I bet it will make the time you spend there more enjoyable.

Question: Have you ever written a heartfelt note to your husband letting him know how much you love and admire him?  If yes, how did he respond?

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Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 65,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation.

A little over a week ago, I shared with you the great news that my father’s health appeared to be improving and he and my mother looked as though they would be celebrating their 40th anniversary soon afterall.  

A few days after posting that message, his health took a turn for the worst and he passed away this past week.  This is the reason you saw guest bloggers here all last week and the reason I’ve invited more guest bloggers to assist me this week.  But before turning it over to our guests for this week, I wanted to leave you with these words.

Below is a favorite poem of Richard Carlson (author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff).  After his wife was widowed when he unexpectedly died at age 45, she published a book which included this peom.  When thinking of my mom, and so many widows who are members of this club, I think about the advice they always give.  Have no regrets.  Say “I love you,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry” as often as needed and never let a day pass without saying, “I love you.”

Rest in peace, Dad, and thank you for loving my mom and all your children in an extraordinary way.

Tomorrow Never Comes

If I knew it would be the last time,
That I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly,
and pray the Lord your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time,
That I would see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and a kiss,
And call you back for just one more.

If I knew it would be the last time,
Id hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would tape each word and action,
And play them back throughout my days.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I would spare an extr minute or two,
To stop and say, “I love you,”
Instead of assumming you know I do.

So just in case tommorow never comes,
And today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I love you,
And I hope we never will forget.

Tommorow is not promised to anyone,
Young and old alike,
And today may be the last chance,
You get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you’re waiting for tomorrow,
Why not do it today?

For if tommorow never comes,
You’ll surely regret the day
That you didn’t take that extra time,
For a smile, a hug or a kiss,
And you were too busy to grant someone
What turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
And whisper in their ear,
Tell them you love them very much, and
You’ll always hold them dear.

Take time to say “I’m sorry,”
“Please forgive me,”
“Thank you”, or
“It’s OK,”
And if tomorrow never comes,
You’ll have no regrets about today.

©Norma Cornett Marek (1989)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 65,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation.

Annnddd…. I’m BACK!

Hopefully you all had a chance to check out our fabulous “Successful Marriages” Tele-Retreat we just put on! If not, we’ve placed all of those recorded inspirational presentations in our community for couples to listen to at their convenience. Feel free to check that out! For those of you who didn’t catch my last Guest Post, I am Tara, one of the *divas* blogging for the website, The Dating Divas.

  On The Dating Divas website, we are all about creative ideas that will help strengthen our relationships. One of our FAVORITE things to talk about is…

…DATE NIGHT!

We are strong believers in dating your spouse!! That one-on-one time to connect {or re-connect} with your sweetheart is crucial to a healthy relationship. A date is simply spending time with one another – BUT it can be so much more! I love treating date night as the one day of the week where we can create a wonderful memory that will last us through whatever the new week brings. In order to help YOU create these fun {and lasting} memories, we decided to bring you FIVE of our fun date ideas. Three of these are fun to do with just your spouse and two are a BLAST to do on a group date. I wanted to share more than one idea with all of you… as I know we all have different tastes. BUT – I have to tell you, these are fit for ANY age group! {Just ask my cute parents who about died laughing when we had a “Minute to Win It” group date night!}

You can click on any of the titles to get more information about each creative date idea. Here we go…

Love On The Run

This is one of our most popular date ideas because life is SO fast-paced for everyone nowadays. People are super busy and we don’t always have the time to put together a fun date night. Just like grabbing fast food to go… you can put together a DATE night “to go!” Grab a gift bag, print off the darling free printable to glue to the front, print off the list of fun “date ideas on the go” that you can refer to… and gather the materials needed for your NEXT date night. When it’s all prepped, you can hide it away as a surprise for you sweetheart OR place it somewhere visible & mark your calendar! Either way, it will be the start to many more great date nights to come! Oh, and the best part? Your sweetheart gets to plan the NEXT one! {Yeppers, we included “His” & “Her” tags to help out with this…}

The Bookstore Date

This one is even EASIER to plan and it’s 100% free! What’s not to love about that? All you need is the free printables included in the post and a local bookstore! Voila! The easiest date night you have ever planned. Now, if you are thinking, “But my husband doesn’t like to read…” or maybe YOU don’t enjoy reading? I promise this will STILL be fun! I am an avid bookworm and my husband is an avid book-avoider… and he absolutely LOVED this date! In fact, we had so much fun, he suggested doing it again! On the downloadable printables, there are six tasks listed that you and your spouse get to complete while at the bookstore. They take quite a while since you just MIGHT get caught up in enjoying each one! Head on over to our original post for more details on the different tasks.

Couples Minute to Win It

If you have some fun-loving friends around, then a group date is a blast to organize! Based off the hit TV show, “Minute to Win It,” this date is sure to keep you laughing all night long! With each couple already forming a team, the goal is to complete the hilarious tasks within a minute. Some of the tasks are done by one team member and some can be completed by both. I have played this with my friends multiple times, with my family, and I even had my students playing these games during one of our parties {I teach 5th grade}. Every time, it is a complete hit! My ultimate favorite is called, “Face the Cookie.” The participants place a cookie on their forehead and have to maneuver it down their face and into their mouths withOUT using their hands! Soooo funny to watch and you would be surprised how many of my little 10-year-old students were able to do it! {LOL}

The “Funky Town” Date

Another FUN group date that is for extreme EXTROVERTS is the Funky Town Date. When I was in College, I think I must have dated the most outgoing & creative guys on campus! I can’t believe HALF of the crazy things we did on our dates! I took a few of my most fun memories and combined them into what we now call… “Funky Town!” It was even BETTER experiencing these hilarious activities with my husband and our crazy friends! From eating with crazy utensils, to going to a thrift shop & choosing ridiculous outfits for each other, and ending the night with bowling… with a TWIST – we created an unforgettable memory! This date was one of my all-time favorites!

Spring Olympics

This one can be just for you & your husband OR you can turn it into a fun group date. Yes, we posted this in the SPRING, but it would be fun to enjoy the weather one last time before the chill of winter hits! By utilizing supplies around the house, you will be able to put together your OWN Olympic Games! The thought of sitting on a skateboard & using a plunger to “paddle” away completely cracks me up! If the ideas contained in this post aren’t totally up your alley, then use your creative juices… look around your house and make up different events. Don’t forget to run by the Dollar Store to grab some Olympic Medals!

Now that we have you all set for your next FIVE date nights, you might be wondering what our website all about! I told you a little above….but in case you were curious….our website is what happens when a BUNCH of super crafty friends get together & come up with solutions for strengthening their marriages.

We blog about amazing & creative date ideas, fun gift ideas for our spouses, quick & easy romance ideas, CRAFTY tutorials, and MUCH, much more!! ANYTHING that would help enhance our already ROCKIN’ marriages!! We even decided to share tips on how to look good for our man AND ideas on how to keep things HOT in a certain room…..

…but you are gonna have to visit our website for THAT! {WINK!}

Stop on by The Dating Divas to get more ROMANCE tips so you can keep dating that amazing spouse of yours! We love spreading the word about our blog….and we hope it will strengthen YOUR relationship as much as it has ours!!

Thanks again for letting me hang out with the “Happy Wives Club” crew today!

**Guest post by Angie Merrill, founding member, Happy Wives Club**

This morning I read an intriguing article about retraining our brain so that we see the sunny side of every situation.  Elaine Fox, an Oxford psychologist, says that while studies show that our genes have 30-40% control over our mind-set, it’s possible to retrain our brain through our actions.

I’ve always disagreed with the old adage, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” It saddens me when a person gives up on a relationship, citing the belief that their spouse will never change. I firmly believe that it’s possible for anyone to change at any time.   More important, while we don’t have control over the actions or attitudes of others, we do have a CHOICE to change our own actions and attitudes. Imagine my joy in seeing this idea supported by scientific evidence in the article I read today!

What’s more, imagine how this new information can have an impact for a happier marriage!

I’m living proof. While I can’t say I’ve ever been an unhappy wife, I can share with you that there have been many times in my nine-year marriage that the stresses of life and miscommunication and misunderstandings between my husband and I have threatened to steal my joy.  But a change in my attitude and outlook has always proven to quickly remedy any unhappiness that may have tried to encroach upon our marital bliss.

One of the ways that Elaine Fox advises we retrain our brain is to count our blessings, and I try to make a habit of doing this every day. I once read a quote that has resonated with me ever since: “Imagine if you didn’t have tomorrow what you didn’t thank God for today.” So, in spite of any dark, looming clouds on the horizon—in the form of challenging moments of everyday life—I tell God what I’m thankful for, either when I wake up in the morning or when I lie down at night.  And who’s always at the top of my list, without fail? My dear, sweet, wonderful, husband.

It’s amazing how counting one’s blessings will chase away the stormy clouds and reveal the sunshine in our life. And the great thing about the sun is that it shines light upon every situation, giving us a clear and sunny perspective.

Question: Simply being grateful can change your entire outlook on life and marriage.  So what are you grateful for today?

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Comments: With more than 65,000 Happy Wives Club members already actively engaged on our Facebook Community page, what better place to share your thoughts? Join me there and let’s continue the conversation.